Smith Jokes - 83 Hilarious Smith Jokes

Sergeant: “Smith! I didn’t see you at camouflage practice today!”

Private Smith: “Thank you, Sir!”

How do you follow Will Smith in a snow storm?

You follow the fresh prints.

So according to Will Smith's actions...

You can ask Jada for head, but you can't talk about her head.

How do you know Will Smith’s slap wasn’t staged?

His son wasn’t cast in it.

John Smith was the only Protestant to move into the large Catholic neighborhood.

On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday during Lent.

On the last Friday of Lent the neighborhood men got together and decided that something just HAD t...

What do Putin, Batman and Will Smith have in common?

They all attacked a comedian

Mr. Smith, a very wealthy man...

Mr. Smith, a very wealthy man, is in town on business and towards the end of his trip he decides to take a walk on the docks and take in the ocean view.

As he's walking he comes up on a young boy, maybe 12 years old, crying on the edge of the dock.

Mr. Smith hesitates but decides to a...

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In the past, your last name often reflected your profession. Tailors - taylor, Blacksmith - Smith, ect.

So what the heck was a Dickinson?

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The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to...."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.

"Really..?" the photographer asked. "Well, good....

If Will Smith, Amber Heard, and Chris Brown formed a band, what would its name be?

The Heavy Hitters.

I re-watched Will Smith in "Independence Day" last night.

Still slaps.

Did you know Will Smith can make swords?

Of course he can; he's a blacksmith

Some may think the joke isn't funny, but I think it slaps.

Two doctors, Jenkins and Smith, are treating a man with lung disease.

They’re explaining how him smoking weed led to his condition worsening.

“But it’s just herbal!” the patient protested. “How can it be bad?”

Dr Jenkins sighed. “Apricot stones contain lethal amounts of cyanide. There is a certain plant in my back garden - if you sit under it for just te...

Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test results

The lab tech says to him, "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, that's either bad or terrible."...

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Stuck in their apartment with their kid during the COVID quarantine, the Smith’s are desperate to fuck...

So they send little Johnny out on the balcony with a popsicle and a notebook with the directions to log what all the neighbors are up to during the quarantine.

After they finished with their twenty minute *alone time,* Mr. Smith lets Johnny back in from the balcony. ”So, Johnny, what did you...

When Chuck Norris made a joke about Will Smith's wife...

Will Smith slapped himself.

The father of Private Smith has deceased, and the drill instructor is tasked to break the tragic news to the young man...

The father of Private Smith has deceased, and the drill instructor is tasked to break the tragic news to the young man. He has the platoon to line up in front of the barracks and addresses them:
"Platoon, atten-shun! Each soldier that's got a dad take two step forwar- SMITH, where the hell d'yo...

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How did Jada Smith get famous ?

She is a woman of focus, commitment and sheer fucking Will.

Dr: "Mr Smith, your wife is comfortable."

Husband: "I thought she was in a coma and critical condition."

Dr: "She is, the nurses are using her as a beanbag."

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door..

In a panic she told her lover “Hurry, stand in the corner. Don’t move until I tell you to. Just shut your eyes and pretend you’re a statue.”

At the moment her husband walked into the room. “What’s this, honey?” he asked.

“Oh, it’s just a statue,” she replied nonchalantly. “The Smiths b...

Will Smith defended his wife so well…

She’s definitely going to let him watch tonight.

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They say English surnames all had a meaning, as in, "Smiths" were blacksmiths and "Taylors" were tailors...

So what the fuck did the Dickinsons do?

A maid decided it was time to demand a raise, so she went directly to the Lady of the house's private study

Maid: "I'd like a raise."

Mrs. Smith:"Why do you think you deserve a raise?

Maid:"Three reasons. First, I can cook better than you."

Mrs. Smith:"Who told you that?"

Maid:"Your husband. Second, I clean better than you."

Mrs. Smith:"Who told you that?"

Maid:"Y...

The sleeper, the pastor and Adam's stick

Mr. Smith and the pastor discuss the problem that Mrs. Smith always falls asleep during the sermon. The pastor gives Mr. Smith a hatpin and recommends that he prick her as soon as he receives a sign from the pastor.

The following Sunday, Mrs. Smith has fallen asleep peacefully, the pastor ask...

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Will Smith had to stand up for Jada. Imagine how hard it is knowing your wife can't have her hair

pulled during sex with other men

For my decade on Reddit here is my favorite Will Smith joke

It appears Will Smith’s marriage is open to everything except JOKES

Why did Will Smith slap Chris instead of punching him?

Everybody knows paper beats rock

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Will Smith so white...

Will Smith so white he can hit a black man on camera and get away with it.

A lawyer, Jones, is questioning his witness, Smith, during a murder trial.

Jones: Mr Smith, can you tell us what the deceased said before he died?

Smith: Yes, I can. He said...

Judge: Now hold on a minute. I'm not sure if it could be considered hearsay if I allowed Mr Smith to continue.

This led to a long argument between both lawyers and the j...

Go tell Mrs. Smith . . .

Six retired Floridian men were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Mr. Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing, but standing up.

At the end of the game, Mr. Jones...

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Did you hear that Victoria's Secret and Smith&Wesson are merging companies?

It's gonna be called Titty-Titty Bang-Bang.

"Mr. Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully,"

the divorce court judge said, " and I've decided to give your wife $275 a week. ". "That's very fair, your honour," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself. "

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The couple was watching television at night.

The husband says, "Can I know why you've been sulking since I arrived?" And, angrily, the wife responds, "Today we celebrate 25 years of marriage, and here we are, standing in front of this television."

"MY GOD! I was so busy that I completely forgot! Forgive me, my dear. Go put on your...

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Mr. Smith kisses his wife goodbye before she leaves for a business trip....

On the way to the airport, Mrs. Smith gets in a terrible car crash and is life-flighted to the hospital.

Mr. Smith receives a call from the police telling him about the accident and rushes to the hospital. There, he waits for hours while his wife is in surgery.

After many hours of wa...

Will Smith...

Should worry less about whose mouth his wife's name is in, and more about who's in his wife's mouth.

What's the difference between Chris Rock and Will Smith?

Chris Rock can take a hit

The Smith family is having a reunion.

The matriarch is a 110 year old woman who is confined to a wheelchair and cannot speak, so she uses a pen and notepad to communicate.

While watching her great grandchildren play, she begins to leeeaaan to the left. So cousin Joe lifts her back up and puts a pillow on her left side. Later she ...

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Mr. Jones and Mr. Smith

Two men of a certain age, Mr. Jones and Mr. Smith, would often meet at the local town park where they would sit on a bench and feed the pigeons.

They became friends.

One day when they met, Mr. Jones was very happy and excited and asked Mr. Smith

\- “Have you ever tried Viagra...

Will Will Smith smith Will Smith?

Yes, Will Smith will smith Will Smith

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Tom's scrotum

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium.

She said, "I have a praise.

Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pai...

If Will Smith is this angry in March

Just wait until August comes around.

Will smith used to be so full of life and fun

now he just seems *jaded*

What happends if Will Smith goes back in time ?

He becomes Was Smith

Jada has begun divorce proceedings against Will Smith..

How bald of her

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Oh,no! Tom Smith gasped..

"Oh, No!" Tom Smith gasped as he surveyed the disaster before him. Never in his 40 years had he seen anything like it. How anyone could have survived?

Tom could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction he would find his 16-year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding Alex kep...

A woman gets a phone call from the brewery where her husband works.

“Mrs Smith, there was a terrible accident, your husband fell inside one of the big beer vats and drowned…” Mrs Smith bursts in tears, the person on the other side of the line tries to alleviate her grief “You know, your husband didn’t suffer” “Drowning is a horrible way to die! How do you know?” “W...

Mrs. Smith walks into a pharmacy and asks to buy poison

'Dear lady, why would you want to buy poison?' asks the pharmacist.

'To kill my husband!'

'I can't sell you poison so you can kill someone!'

As an answer to that, Mrs. Smith puts a picture on the counter where one can clearly see a man and a woman in bed. The man in question is ...

The Smiths were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower and their descendants included senators and Wall Street wizards.

They decided to compile a family history, a legacy for their children and grandchildren.
They hired a fine author.
Only one problem arose, how to handle great-uncle George, the criminal, who was executed in the electric chair.
The author said he could handle the story tactfully.
The book...

If Will Smiths wife doesn't like alopecia jokes.

It's hair loss

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Poor Will Smith isn't getting any sleep tonight

His wife is so pissed Will can hear her ranting all the way from her boyfriend's bedroom

Why did Will Smith slap Chris Rock?

His Wife's Boyfriend didnt think the joke was funny

I give Will Smith credit…

It takes guts to stand up and defend another man’s woman like that.

Shout out to Will Smith!

I never would’ve stood up for another man’s girl like that

How come you never read about Will Smith anymore?

Because paper covers Rock.

I’m trying to think of a Will Smith joke

But I can’t come up with a punchline

What do Will Smith and Moses have in common?

They both hit rocks instead of talking to them.

Caller: “Jack Smith will not be in school today.”

Teacher: “Is he sick? Who is this speaking please?”

Caller: “This is my father speaking.”

Dr. Parker, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, said during class, "Miss Smith, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions."

Miss Smith gasped, blushed deeply, then said freezingly,
Dr. Parker, I do not think that is a proper question to
ask me, you should be asking a boy. And I assure you my
parents will hear of this." With that she sat down, very
red-faced.

Unperturbed, Dr. Parker called on Miss John...

“Well - Mrs. Smith, it would seem that you're pregnant.”

“Sweet Jesus, that's wonderful, I'm pregnant, Doctor?!”

“Oh not at all, but at first glance, it would certainly seem so. Here's our weight loss brochure.”

A Russian spy infiltrated in America is arrested

A Russian spy under the alias of “Joe Smith” is arrested by American officials. He is put in an interrogation room and confronted by an official, Agent Perry.

Smith: “I don’t understand, why am I being interrogated?”

Perry: “Drop the act, Smith, if that even is your real name. We know ...

If Will Smith doesn’t win for Best Actor

He really will have hit rock bottom.

No one delivers a punch line like Will Smith.

No one receives a punch like Chris Rock.

You know, Will Smith can never get lost....

because where there is a Will, there is a way.

The day after he had lost his wife scuba diving, two grim-faced policemen paid Mr. Smith a visit.

"We're sorry to disturb you at this hour, Mr. Smith, but we have some information concerning your wife. Actually, we have some bad news, some pretty good news and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, Mr Smith asked for the bad news first.

"We'...

Captain Edward Smith's last meal included lettuce on his plate.

Specifically, It was an iceberg right in front of him.

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Did you hear about the new Will Smith/Dwayne Johnson movie?

They play star-crossed lovers in the 1920s who are both struggling with a crisis of faith at their sexuality. The working title is:

"Dwayne Will Rock Smith's Johnson"

I bought a dog off a black smith once

As soon as I got it home it made a bolt for the door.

A man knocked on Mrs Smith's door.

"I'm afraid there's been a terrible accident at the brewery," he said.
"Your husband fell into a giant vat of beer and drowned."

Mrs Smith started crying. "Oh poor thing, he had no chance!"

"I don't know about that," the man replied. "He got out three times to use the toilet."

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Will Smith should take a joke the same way Jada takes a dick

From everyone...except Will Smith.

What is Will Smith's favorite mobile video game?

Slap Kings

Joseph Smith's Guide to wealth

Step 1: “translate” an “ancient text” “God” sent you to write.

Step 2: Convince everyone all other churches are fake and God only speaks to you!

Step 3: Prophet!

Hopefully Will Smith’s mom didn’t watch the Oscars.

He might have to move back in with his auntie and uncle in Bel-Air.

How did Will Smith find out Jada was cheating on him?

She kept telling him she was going to the hair salon

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It seems like Will Smith is really insecure about his wife's physical appearance.

But I don't understand that. Obviously, she's a very strong, beautiful woman.
Otherwise we wouldn't all be fucking her.

(Stolen from Kill Tony)

Did you get a chance to listen to Will Smith's latest album?

Absolutely slaps

Why was Chris Rock surprised when Will Smith slapped him?

He thought one of Jada’s other boyfriends would have done it.

People keep saying Will Smith hit rock bottom at the Oscars

But I'm pretty sure he slapped him in the face.

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A TV crew went to interview the oldest man living in a small village

"Can you tell us what was the happiest moment you can remember?"

"That was when Mary Jones got lost on the hills over there. We organized a search party and when we found her we were so happy that we had a special celebration, everybody got drunk and all the men in the village fucked Mary Jon...

Captain Smith is an officer of the Union army.

One day, his unit gets overran by an overwhelming ambush by the Confederate army. He is captured and taken to a Confederate garrison where he is brought up to General Jones. To his surprise, he is greeted warmly and served a sumptuous lunch and aged bourbon by his captors.

"I'm sorry, Captain...

Why could Will Smith never get away with murder?

First thing they look for at a crime scene is fresh prints.

Mr. Smith

Mr. Smith climbed to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.

Looking up, he asked the Lord.. "God, what does a million years mean to you?"

The Lord replied, "A minute."

Smith asked, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"

The Lord replied, "A pen...

Now that Will Smith has apologised for slapping Chris Rock, his conscience is clean.

His wife on the other hand, is Mr Clean.

How do you call making fun of Jada Smith in front of Will?

A bald move.

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