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Charles Jokes

King Charles will not make as many foreign visits as Queen Elizabeth did.

Because the Queen could go any distance but the King can only move one space at a time.

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Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a Martini.

The bartender says, "Olive or twist?"

If Marie Antoinette, Anne Boleyn, Charles I, and Louis XVI formed a band, what would its name be?

The Talking Heads.

I'm not a fan of the new coins released with King Charles' head on them....

But then I don't like change

What do you get when you cross Prince Charles and the Queen?

Murdered in a tunnel in France

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Charles the duck was sitting by the muddy edge of the pond.

Suddenly a female duck fell out of the sky and landed head first into the mud with her rear sticking up. Another nearby duck, thinking he had won the lottery, quickly mounted the female, but she reared up and threw him off forcefully.

It was a Chuck duck cuck muck luck fuck buck.

Prince Charles is in isolation with Covid - 19

His brother Andrew is in isolation with Bethany - 14

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TIL that Charles Dickens first published A Tale of Two Cities in two English local newspapers:

.
.
.
.
.
It was the Bicester Times. It was the Worcester Times.

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A benefit of Charles III ascension to the throne

Once they change the picture on the money to the new King, Andrew won't have to tuck a picture of his mother into the G-strings of strippers.

Completed in 1856, Big Ben was designed by architects Charles Barry and Augustus Welby Pugin and took 13 years to build.

Which is crazy long considering they were working around the clock.

King Charles actually farted in the middle of his coronation, but no one really said anything.

This is because noble gases don't cause a reaction.

Not only is King Charles formerly known as Prince...

He also spent about 9 months in Queen.

King Charles has a realistic chance of breaking one of Queen Elizabeths most famous records:

The record number of 15 prime ministers during her reign.

Why can't Ray Charles drive?

Because he's dead.

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Prince Charles decided to take up walking and everyday, at the same street corner, he would pass a hooker .

**He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.**
**“One hundred and fifty pounds!” she’d shout. “No! Five pounds!” he said from the side of his mouth, just to shut her up.**
**This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence. She’d...

What would James Charles say if he were a shoe that doesn't fit?

Hi blisters!

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A butler is cleaning one of the guest rooms in a mansion when the lady of the house walks in.

She fixes him with an imperious gaze and cocks one arm on her hip "Charles," she says, "take off my dress."



The butler swallows hard, but he knows his duty. He puts his hands on the buttons of her dress and starts to undo them, one by one. More and more skin is revealed until finally,...

James Charles has just created a large and complex theory regarding the origins of the universe.

*And thats the-sis*

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What's the difference between King Charles and a vibrator?

One is fucking Camilla, the other is fucking an entire empire!

Why does King Charles play poker in the bathroom?

Because nothing beats a royal flush.

The economy in the UK...

... is getting so dire that the elderly aren't getting to enjoy their retirement.

The BBC interviewed 73 year old Charles from Windsor: "despite having a generous government pension, I've had to start working today."

I heard that Prince Charles tested positive for Covid-19

Looks like he got coronated at last!

Angela Merkel arrives at the Passport Control at the Charles de Gaulle airport, Paris.

"Nationality ? " asks the immigration officer. "German," she replies. "Occupation?" "No, just here for a few days."

My friend is such a big fan of the Royal Family, each of his four sons are named after a king.

**Henry**

**George**

**Charles**

**Burger.**

Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder

Ray Charles meets Stevie Wonder, they talk about their life, then Stevie says "it's just too bad we're both blind".

Ray answers "Could be worse, we could have been black"

Charles ran a successful fur business in early 20th century New York.

He was always humane about the treatment of his animals before they were killed and made sure the rest of the animal didn't go to waste. However, rather than making a massive profit, he'd often donate warm fur clothes to poorer children. He lived comfortably, but always tried to maintain his philant...

Q: Why couldn't Ray Charles see his friends?

A: Because he was married.

King Charles to get Crown next year...

You know U.K. dentistry is bad when the King can't even get a dentist appointment.

Today I found out that King Charles is a gamer, and mostly plays Nintendo games.

He knows how to properly use the Royal Wii.

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Charles Dickens had writer's block…

He had a contract due for a new novel, but he hadn't even thought of a title yet. He went into the local pub and asked the barman for a Martini.

"Olive, or twist?"

Charles Schulz died as one of the richest Americans of the 20th century

despite the fact he got his start making Peanuts.

Charles reached the Pearly Gates and was confronted by Saint Peter

\-*Welcome my dear, what's your name so I can check on the list?*

Charles gave him his name and Saint Peter looked it over and said:

\-*I'm sorry to inform you, but you are not on my list.*

Charles started to sweat and tried to argue:

\-But I was good, I did a lot of good...

Ray Charles went to the doctor.

Doctor said, "I got good news and bad news. Which would you like first?"

Ray says, "Give me the bad."

Doctor says, "Well Mr. Charles because of your diabetes we have to amputate your left leg."

Ray, "Damn. Well what's the good news?"

Doctor clears his throat and sings, "U...

Charles, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn’t seem to get to work on time.

Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late.
But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their “Older Person Friendly” policies.

One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.
“Charles, I have to tel...

I never quite understood why the shortened version of ‘Charles’ is ‘Chuck’.

What the farles is that about?

King Charles is the new ruler of England

He hopes he can measure up

How did Charles Darwin die?

Natural causes.

Middle school for me was like Charles Darwin…

Naturally, I wasn’t selected by anybody.

King Charles III was a very good cello player when he was young.

He’s an Artist formerly known as Prince.

Prince Charles diagnosed with Covid-19. Camilla has been cleared

Apparently horses can’t get the virus

Prince Charles decides to visit Perth

The future King has not been getting a great reception in the United Kingdom so decides to go somewhere more remote. Not long after his arrival in Perth, he is walking down the Hay Street Mall with an interesting choice of head wear. A Davy Crocket style hat, real fox fur with the tail at the back, ...

Where did Prince Charles go on his first honeymoon?

Indiana

Manufacturing of the first coin to enter circulation carrying the image of King Charles is underway at the Royal Mint. As is tradition, Charles faces left on the new 50p

As when it comes to things involving her children, the Queen always looked the other way.

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What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?

The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.

If Diana Spenser had married Stephen Rea instead of prince Charles...

She'd be Mrs. Di Rea. (She's also probably be alive.)

Charles, Angus and Patrick are in a helicopter when the pilot informs them they are losing altitude.

Desperately, they throw out whatever they have on them. Charles throws out his teapot, Angus throws out his bagpipes and Patrick throws out a bomb. The helicopter recovers and they land safely.

When Charles gets home, he finds his father in the garden crying. When he asks him what happened, ...

My wife is so much better looking than me...

...that a cashier just put a plastic divider down in the middle of our groceries.

Credit: Charles Demers

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Charles de Gaulle's wife,...

Madame de Gaulle was said to have been lunching with the American ambassador at the time of her husband's retirement when she was asked what she was most looking forward to in the years ahead.

She thought for a moment before announcing boldly: "A penis". A startled hush fell over the table un...

Why doesn’t Charles Barkley like paper?

Because it’s tearable.

King Charles the First gets beheaded

By some miracle, he's still alive and can put his head back on. He runs off to his house as quickly as possible before he is caught. When he arrives home, he sees his wife, in which he explains what had just happened. His wife says, "We should celebrate this miracle! Perhaps you can join me in the b...

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If Charles Dickens wrote The Lord of the Rings, how would the novel have started?

It was the best of Shires. It was the Worcestershires.

"God Save the Queen" seems an ill-fitting anthem following the coronation of King Charles III

The obvious choice for the replacement is the "Charles in Charge" theme song.

King Charles has announced that he will be sending his best two Helicopter pilots to Ukraine for the war.

Their names are Andrew and Harry

Read the news that some Charles finally got his crown at the age of 78.

With such a long waiting list in the NHS, these Brits have the audacity to criticize the american healthcare..

King Charles has authorised a new Royal Ceremony that the Guards regiments will perform anytime that Prince Harry is in the country.

It will be called "The Changing of the Locks"



(with thanks to Matt, of the Daily Telegraph)

With the coronation of King Charles, there was discussion about orthographic modernization--shortening spelling of words like "colour" and "labour" but the UK government responded

Never gonna give "u" up

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Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall bought new shoes for her wedding. During the big day they became increasingly tighter and tighter as the day went on.

That night, when the festivities were finally over and they retired to their room, she flopped on the bed and said, "Charles, darling, please remove my shoes, my feet are killing me..!"

Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigor, but it would not budge.

"Harde...

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Why was Prince Charles’s dick multicoloured?

He kept dipping it in Di

How did Charles Darwin propose to his wife?

He said that she was his natural selection.

Charles visits his grandpa...

On the first morning of the visit, Charle’s grandpa prepares a breakfast of bacon and eggs. Charles notices a weird substance on his plate and asks, “Grandpa, are you sure these plates are clean?”

grandpa replies, “They’re as clean as cold water can get them, just eat your breakfast.”

...

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What is James Charles favorite music genre?

Re-Gay

Prince Charles contracts Corona Virus

All part of the coronation process

Prince Charles is Isolating at Balmoral

Prince's Charles is Isolating at Balmoral Castle with Covid-19

Prince Andrew is Isolating at Windsor with Jenny - 14

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Charles the Banana

Charles was a banana at the local Safeway, where he sat on the shelf with all the other bananas. Charles waited every day to be picked when, finally, a man picks up Charles in his bunch and buys him.

When Charles got home, the man put Charles on the counter. "Oh boy," he thought, "I'll final...

Prince Charles diagnosed with COVID-19

The queen will have a receding heir line

Metlife dropped the Peanuts gang because Peppermint Patty was going behind their back to negotiate with Charles Schwab.

Can't blame her though...she really likes to Talk To Chuck.

What did Charles Darwin say to the animals he discovered

"Naturally I've selected you all for dinner"

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IF YOU SEE A LINK TITLED “JAMES CHARLES NUDE”, DON’T CLICK ON IT.

#IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR KEYBOARD ON PERMANENT CAPS LOCK.

What do you call two quadriplegics that are both named Charles?

A pair of numb Chucks.

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An agent of the CIA named Charles Dick goes missing after investigating a cartel in Mexico...

After a few days, another agent is sent to find out what happened to him, and after much effort the agent makes contact with one of the cartel's leaders


"What can you tell us about Charles?" the agent asks.
The leader replies, "We have SeĂąor Dick."

Startled, the agent fasten...

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In honor of Charles Dickens...

I am also going to be poor this Christmas

"Am I mentioned in the will?" the nephew asked anxiously.

"You certainly are" , replied the lawyer.

Right here in the third paragraph your uncle says:
To my niece Sarah I bequeath a hundred thousand dollars,
to my cousin Janice fifty thousand dollars,
and to my nephew Charles, who was always curious to know if he was mentioned in my will, I...

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Prince Charles goes to Australia

On the last occasion that Prince Charles visited Australia, he attended a function at Wagga Wagga, where he was met by various dignitaries, including the Mayor of Wagga Wagga. Whilst having a cocktail, the Mayor said to the Prince “Your Highness, it’s quite a hot day and yet you have chosen an unusu...

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Charles, Angus and Patrick had just broken out of prison

Knowing that the police were hot on their tails, they dashed into the nearest building they could find; and old pub. Worried that the police would arrive at any second, they headed into the basement to hide. In the basement they found three large burlap sacks, which they hastily climbed into in an a...

What do you call a tennis match between Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder?

Endless love.

How did Ray Charles travel in Korea?

He took the Seoul Train of course.

The Queen and Prince Charles

The Queen and Prince Charles are enjoying a cup of tea when there's suddenly a knock on the door. The Queen goes to open it and it's the Death standing on the other side.
So the Queen shouts loudly: "Hey Charles, it's for you."

The Queens Pallbearers

Breaking news: the queen’s dying wish was to have Princes Charles, Andrew, Harry, William along with Meghan and Kate serve as her official pallbearers.

So they could let her down one last time…

I feel bad for Ray Charles about the whole Stevie Wonder thing...

I mean another blind black piano player? There's no way he saw that coming.

No matter what you guys say, I’m not unsubscribing from James Charles

That entails having to subscribe to him in the first place

Prince Charles is actually happy about getting COVID-19.

Now he doesn't have to worry if he will experience coronation.

Ray Charles...

... is driving and gets into a car accident... because he's blind. He wakes up in a hospital bed.

The doctor comes in and says, "Mr. Charles, I've got good news and bad news."

"What's the bad news?"

"Well, you've lost the use of your left side, due to the accident," says the d...

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Charles Dickens was at his publisher's office.

CD: "I'm going to be honest with you, Howard. It's almost complete and I have most of the elements of the story figured out. Great characters, a terrific setting, some good conflict and a theme. But something's missing, and I can't figure out what it is"

Howard: "The plot, Dickens?"

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So old man Charles is lying on his deathbed.

His great nephew Peter comes to see him, and Charles gets to talking about his life and rambling on, like old men do.

He points out the window and says "Pete, you see that road out there? I built that road myself before there was a town here. I cleared the forest, I leveled the land, I laid t...

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Charles Dickens had lots of melodious metal bars outside the front of his house. Some of them were expensive, others dirt cheap.



It was the best of chimes, it was the worst of chimes.

The marriage of Charles and Diana was doomed from their wedding night....

...that's when Diana discovered that not all rulers are 12" long.

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