Charles, Angus and Patrick are in a helicopter when the pilot informs them they are losing altitude.

Desperately, they throw out whatever they have on them. Charles throws out his teapot, Angus throws out his bagpipes and Patrick throws out a bomb. The helicopter recovers and they land safely.

When Charles gets home, he finds his father in the garden crying. When he asks him what happened, ...

No matter what you guys say, I’m not unsubscribing from James Charles

That entails having to subscribe to him in the first place

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Charles, Angus and Patrick had just broken out of prison

Knowing that the police were hot on their tails, they dashed into the nearest building they could find; and old pub. Worried that the police would arrive at any second, they headed into the basement to hide. In the basement they found three large burlap sacks, which they hastily climbed into in an a...

What do James Charles and nuns have in common?

They’re both called sisters!

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Charles Dickens goes into a bar and orders a martini.

The barkeeper asks him:
"Olive or twist?"

TIL Charles XII once had an affair, about which Sabaton will be releasing a new single to celebrate the 20 years the band has been together

Its called Carolus' ex

Why couldn’t Ray Charles see his friends?

Because he was married.

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A straight man walks into a room with James Charles and J.K. Rowling

Edit: never mind a gay man walks into...

James Charles has just created a large and complex theory regarding the origins of the universe.

*And thats the-sis*

The marriage of Charles and Diana was doomed from their wedding night....

...that's when Diana discovered that not all rulers are 12" long.

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TIL that the novel "A Tale of two cities " by Charles Dickens was first serialised in two black country papers....

The Bister Times and the Worcester Times

We’ve all heard of Boyle’s Law and Charles’s Law, but have you ever heard of Cole’s Law?

It’s thinly sliced cabbage.

Angela Merkel arrives at the Passport Control at the Charles de Gaulle airport, Paris.

"Nationality ? " asks the immigration officer. "German," she replies. "Occupation?" "No, just here for a few days."

Where did Prince Charles go on his honeymoon?

indiana

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In honor of Charles Dickens...

I am also going to be poor this Christmas

What did Bishop Charles Ellis grab at Taco Bell?

an Ariana Grande.

What do you get if you cross Prince Charles and The Queen?

Killed in a tunnel

I feel bad for Ray Charles about the whole Stevie Wonder thing...

I mean another blind black piano player? There's no way he saw that coming.

Did you know NBC once considered a diet & fitness show based on people such as Air Force Amy, Mary Magdalene, Heidi Fleiss, Charles Ponzi, Berni Madoff, and Donald Trump?

The pilot was cancelled because they didn't want to weigh the pros and the cons.

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What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?

The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.

Bishop Charles Ellis III has spoken of his embarrassment over groping Ariana Grande..

He says he felt a right tit.

Charles ran a successful fur business in early 20th century New York.

He was always humane about the treatment of his animals before they were killed and made sure the rest of the animal didn't go to waste. However, rather than making a massive profit, he'd often donate warm fur clothes to poorer children. He lived comfortably, but always tried to maintain his philant...

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Did you know Prince Charles has a multi coloured penis?

He used to dip it in Di every night

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Prince Charles goes to Australia

On the last occasion that Prince Charles visited Australia, he attended a function at Wagga Wagga, where he was met by various dignitaries, including the Mayor of Wagga Wagga. Whilst having a cocktail, the Mayor said to the Prince “Your Highness, it’s quite a hot day and yet you have chosen an unusu...

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Names are weird. How do you get Billie from William? How do you get Chuck from Charles? How do you get dick from Richard?

You ask nicely

I devised a test to see if people prefer Ray Charles or Stevie Wonder...

It's a double blind study.

It's weird to me that the shortened version of Charles is "Chuck".

I mean, what the Farles is that about?

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Everyone knows Charles Dickens as a famous author of great classics. Lesser known is his short-lived Apple Cider business. He had to close it after complaints of unexpected pregnancies.

It may seem strange, but what do you expect when you have Dickens Cider?

My Mother-In-Law asked how Charles Manson died, and I responded, "Complications with dementia". To which she replied...

"I thought he was demented his whole life. Why is he having complications with it now??"

What did Ray Charles say when they handed him a cheese grater?

This is the most violent thing I've ever read.

Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.

Going to a singles bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away. "I'm just an ordinary man" he said, walking up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." The woman went home with Charles, and the next day she became his stepmother.

What was the real reason Princess Di divorced Prince Charles?

She found out that not all rulers have 12 inches.

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Charles Dickens was at his publisher's office.

CD: "I'm going to be honest with you, Howard. It's almost complete and I have most of the elements of the story figured out. Great characters, a terrific setting, some good conflict and a theme. But something's missing, and I can't figure out what it is"

Howard: "The plot, Dickens?"

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Prince Charles and the hooker...

Prince Charles and the Hooker: 4 years ago Prince Charles decided to take up walking every day. At the same street corner he passed a hooker standing there every day. He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow. “One hundred and fifty pounds!” she’d shout. ...

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The State of Affairs in Australian Politics

>Tony Abbott asks the Queen, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"

>>"Well," said the Queen, "The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

>>Abbott then asked, "But how do I k...

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So old man Charles is lying on his deathbed.

His great nephew Peter comes to see him, and Charles gets to talking about his life and rambling on, like old men do.

He points out the window and says "Pete, you see that road out there? I built that road myself before there was a town here. I cleared the forest, I leveled the land, I laid t...

The Queen and Prince Charles

The Queen and Prince Charles are enjoying a cup of tea when there's suddenly a knock on the door. The Queen goes to open it and it's the Death standing on the other side.
So the Queen shouts loudly: "Hey Charles, it's for you."

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Prince Charles was visiting a nursing home

He asks a 93 year old lady "Have you been bed-ridden since you've been here?"
She replies "A couple of times, but i prefer to be fucked up the arse on the sofa"

Ray Charles...

... is driving and gets into a car accident... because he's blind. He wakes up in a hospital bed.

The doctor comes in and says, "Mr. Charles, I've got good news and bad news."

"What's the bad news?"

"Well, you've lost the use of your left side, due to the accident," says the d...

What does Charles Darwin use to moisturise his skin?

Evo-lotion.

What will people say when Prince Charles dies?

Long live the Queen.

What did Ray Charles say when his wife told him she wanted a divorce?

I did not see that coming.

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Charles XII of Sweden, Darius of Persia and Napoleon are sitting at a bar.

Charles XII of Sweden, Darius of Persia and Napoleon are sitting at a bar, watching a military parade on CNN.
Impressed by modern technology Charles XII says - "Man, if i had mechanised infratry like that I'd have kicked ass at the Poltava battle."

Darius replies - "And if i had artille...

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I was reading the book "Great Expectations" by Charles Dickens.

It wasn't as good as I hoped it would be.

[Punchline wanted] Charles Darwin, Jean-Baptiste Lamarck, and Jerry Lewis walk into a bar. To their surprise, the bartender is a monkey.

Lamarck notes that the monkey's arms have become long from reaching for bottles on the high shelves. Darwin disagrees, saying that the monkey got the job because it was born with long arms. Jerry Lewis looks at the both of them, and says…

Sorry, SimLife couldn't get a needed punch line.
...

A boyfriend says to his girlfriend, "Baby, you're kind of like Charles Barkley..."

"...You've been on the team for so long and you're still not getting a ring! Happy Valentines day!"

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Charles Dickens had writer's block…

He had a contract due for a new novel, but he hadn't even thought of a title yet. He went into the local pub and asked the barman for a Martini.

"Olive, or twist?"

What's the best way to send a letter to Prince Charles?

Heir mail

Punny monks

Lost on a rainy night, a nun stumbles across a monastery and requests shelter there. Fortunately, she's just in time for dinner and was treated to the best fish and chips she's ever had. After dinner, she goes into the kitchen to thank the chefs. She is met by two brothers, "Hello, I'm Brother Micha...

A guy named Charles lived in a foreign country for many many years.

When he came back, everyone started calling him "Harles". Why?

Because long time, no c..

What is the definition of eternal love?

Stevie wonder and Ray Charles playing a game of tennis

Charles proposed...

A young girl came home from a date looking sad. She told her mother, “Charles proposed to me a few minutes ago.”
“Then why are you so sad?” her mother asked.
“Because he also mentioned he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn’t believe there’s hell!”

Her mother replied, “Marry him anyway. Betwe...

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Famous people answer the ubiquitous question, "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

**TEACHER**: To get to the other side.


**PLATO**: For the greater good.


**ARISTOTLE**: It is in the nature of chickens to cross roads.


**SOCRATES**: Why do you think the chicken crossed the road?


**HIPPOCRATES**: Because of an excess of phlegm in i...

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The estate of Charles Dickens is too make alcoholic beverages from the apples on their land

The slogan is "All the girls love a Dickens Cider"

How did Charles Darwin die?

Natural causes.

A man is standing on a cliff and says to his wife “I bet I can make it to the bottom faster than you!”. She agrees to the bet and they both jump off at the same time. Who wins?

Charles Darwin