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What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack ?

The best of thymes, the worst of thymes

Why was Ray Charles unable to see his friends?

Because he was married.

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IF YOU SEE A LINK TITLED “JAMES CHARLES NUDE”, DON’T CLICK ON IT.

#IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR KEYBOARD ON PERMANENT CAPS LOCK.

I heard that Prince Charles tested positive for Covid-19

Looks like he got coronated at last!

Prince Charles is in isolation with Covid - 19

His brother Andrew is in isolation with Bethany - 14

What is the difference between a chimpanzee with a baby, Prince Charles, and a person with alopecia?

One is a hairy parent, one is an heir apparent, and the other has no hair apparent.

Charles visits his grandpa...

On the first morning of the visit, Charle’s grandpa prepares a breakfast of bacon and eggs. Charles notices a weird substance on his plate and asks, “Grandpa, are you sure these plates are clean?”

grandpa replies, “They’re as clean as cold water can get them, just eat your breakfast.”

...

Prince Charles is actually happy about getting COVID-19.

Now he doesn't have to worry if he will experience coronation.

What do you call two quadriplegics that are both named Charles?

A pair of numb Chucks.

Prince Charles diagnosed with Covid-19. Camilla has been cleared

Apparently horses can’t get the virus

Prince Charles contracts Corona Virus

All part of the coronation process

Prince Charles has been waiting 70 years

And now he got the wrong Corona

Prince Charles is Isolating at Balmoral

Prince's Charles is Isolating at Balmoral Castle with Covid-19

Prince Andrew is Isolating at Windsor with Jenny - 14

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Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a Martini.

The bartender asks. “Olive or Twist?”

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What would James Charles' fans be called if he were a porn star?

Step-sisters

Charles, Angus and Patrick are in a helicopter when the pilot informs them they are losing altitude.

Desperately, they throw out whatever they have on them. Charles throws out his teapot, Angus throws out his bagpipes and Patrick throws out a bomb. The helicopter recovers and they land safely.

When Charles gets home, he finds his father in the garden crying. When he asks him what happened, ...

What do you call a tennis match between Ray Charles & Stevie Wonder?

Endless love

James Charles, Justin Bieber, and bill gates were stranded on an island 100 miles away from shore and one by one they tried to swim off the island

First bill gates swam out 15 miles but then got tired and drowned. Next James Charles swam out 25 miles but got tired and drowned. Finally Justin Bieber swam out 50 miles and got tired and swam all the way back.

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"Hello. I'd like a book by Dickens, please."



"Which one?"



"Charles."

No matter what you guys say, I’m not unsubscribing from James Charles

That entails having to subscribe to him in the first place

Angela Merkel arrives at the Passport Control at the Charles de Gaulle airport, Paris.

"Nationality ? " asks the immigration officer. "German," she replies. "Occupation?" "No, just here for a few days."

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Charles, Angus and Patrick had just broken out of prison

Knowing that the police were hot on their tails, they dashed into the nearest building they could find; and old pub. Worried that the police would arrive at any second, they headed into the basement to hide. In the basement they found three large burlap sacks, which they hastily climbed into in an a...

What do you get when you cross Prince Charles and the Queen?

Murdered in a tunnel in France.

James Charles has just created a large and complex theory regarding the origins of the universe.

*And thats the-sis*

TIL Charles XII once had an affair, about which Sabaton will be releasing a new single to celebrate the 20 years the band has been together

Its called Carolus' ex

How did Ray Charles travel in Korea?

He took the Seoul Train of course.

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In honor of Charles Dickens...

I am also going to be poor this Christmas

The marriage of Charles and Diana was doomed from their wedding night....

...that's when Diana discovered that not all rulers are 12" long.

What happens if the Queen of England starts coughing?

Prince Charles Corona-tion.

We’ve all heard of Boyle’s Law and Charles’s Law, but have you ever heard of Cole’s Law?

It’s thinly sliced cabbage.

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Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall bought new shoes for her wedding. During the big day they became increasingly tighter and tighter as the day went on.

That night, when the festivities were finally over and they retired to their room, she flopped on the bed and said, "Charles, darling, please remove my shoes, my feet are killing me..!"

Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigor, but it would not budge.

"Harde...

I feel bad for Ray Charles about the whole Stevie Wonder thing...

I mean another blind black piano player? There's no way he saw that coming.

Where did Prince Charles go on his honeymoon?

indiana

Stevie Wonder says the best advice he ever heard was from Ray Charles...

"The future's lookin' up."

Did you know NBC once considered a diet & fitness show based on people such as Air Force Amy, Mary Magdalene, Heidi Fleiss, Charles Ponzi, Berni Madoff, and Donald Trump?

The pilot was cancelled because they didn't want to weigh the pros and the cons.

Bishop Charles Ellis III has spoken of his embarrassment over groping Ariana Grande..

He says he felt a right tit.

I devised a test to see if people prefer Ray Charles or Stevie Wonder...

It's a double blind study.

It's weird to me that the shortened version of Charles is "Chuck".

I mean, what the Farles is that about?

Charles ran a successful fur business in early 20th century New York.

He was always humane about the treatment of his animals before they were killed and made sure the rest of the animal didn't go to waste. However, rather than making a massive profit, he'd often donate warm fur clothes to poorer children. He lived comfortably, but always tried to maintain his philant...

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Names are weird. How do you get Billie from William? How do you get Chuck from Charles? How do you get dick from Richard?

You ask nicely

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Did you know Prince Charles has a multi coloured penis?

He used to dip it in Di every night

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Prince Charles goes to Australia

On the last occasion that Prince Charles visited Australia, he attended a function at Wagga Wagga, where he was met by various dignitaries, including the Mayor of Wagga Wagga. Whilst having a cocktail, the Mayor said to the Prince “Your Highness, it’s quite a hot day and yet you have chosen an unusu...

Ex-Bears CB Charles Tillman is now an FBI agent...

Little known fact he was actually working for the FBI all along, he was just under cover

My Mother-In-Law asked how Charles Manson died, and I responded, "Complications with dementia". To which she replied...

"I thought he was demented his whole life. Why is he having complications with it now??"

Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.

Going to a singles bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away. "I'm just an ordinary man" he said, walking up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." The woman went home with Charles, and the next day she became his stepmother.

The Queen and Prince Charles

The Queen and Prince Charles are enjoying a cup of tea when there's suddenly a knock on the door. The Queen goes to open it and it's the Death standing on the other side.
So the Queen shouts loudly: "Hey Charles, it's for you."

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Charles Dickens was at his publisher's office.

CD: "I'm going to be honest with you, Howard. It's almost complete and I have most of the elements of the story figured out. Great characters, a terrific setting, some good conflict and a theme. But something's missing, and I can't figure out what it is"

Howard: "The plot, Dickens?"

What was the real reason Princess Di divorced Prince Charles?

She found out that not all rulers have 12 inches.

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Everyone knows Charles Dickens as a famous author of great classics. Lesser known is his short-lived Apple Cider business. He had to close it after complaints of unexpected pregnancies.

It may seem strange, but what do you expect when you have Dickens Cider?

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Prince Charles and the hooker...

Prince Charles and the Hooker: 4 years ago Prince Charles decided to take up walking every day. At the same street corner he passed a hooker standing there every day. He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow. “One hundred and fifty pounds!” she’d shout. ...

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So Jeremy Corbyn went to see the Queen.

Jeremy Corbyn asked the Queen. "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient organisation? Are there any tips you can give me?"

"Well." Said the Queen. "The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Jeremy Corbyn then asked. "But how do I know if the peo...

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Charles XII of Sweden, Darius of Persia and Napoleon are sitting at a bar.

Charles XII of Sweden, Darius of Persia and Napoleon are sitting at a bar, watching a military parade on CNN.
Impressed by modern technology Charles XII says - "Man, if i had mechanised infratry like that I'd have kicked ass at the Poltava battle."

Darius replies - "And if i had artille...

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So old man Charles is lying on his deathbed.

His great nephew Peter comes to see him, and Charles gets to talking about his life and rambling on, like old men do.

He points out the window and says "Pete, you see that road out there? I built that road myself before there was a town here. I cleared the forest, I leveled the land, I laid t...

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Prince Charles was visiting a nursing home

He asks a 93 year old lady "Have you been bed-ridden since you've been here?"
She replies "A couple of times, but i prefer to be fucked up the arse on the sofa"

What does Charles Darwin use to moisturise his skin?

Evo-lotion.

Ray Charles...

... is driving and gets into a car accident... because he's blind. He wakes up in a hospital bed.

The doctor comes in and says, "Mr. Charles, I've got good news and bad news."

"What's the bad news?"

"Well, you've lost the use of your left side, due to the accident," says the d...

What did Ray Charles say when his wife told him she wanted a divorce?

I did not see that coming.

What will people say when Prince Charles dies?

Long live the Queen.

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I've read all of Charles Dickens's novels except one.

I don't have *Great Expectations*.

A word to the wise from personal experience.

If your brother, Charles is being held over allegations of drug dealing, it's no help putting up a banner on his house saying "Free Charlie."

[Punchline wanted] Charles Darwin, Jean-Baptiste Lamarck, and Jerry Lewis walk into a bar. To their surprise, the bartender is a monkey.

Lamarck notes that the monkey's arms have become long from reaching for bottles on the high shelves. Darwin disagrees, saying that the monkey got the job because it was born with long arms. Jerry Lewis looks at the both of them, and says…

Sorry, SimLife couldn't get a needed punch line.
...

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I was reading the book "Great Expectations" by Charles Dickens.

It wasn't as good as I hoped it would be.

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Charles Dickens had writer's block…

He had a contract due for a new novel, but he hadn't even thought of a title yet. He went into the local pub and asked the barman for a Martini.

"Olive, or twist?"

A boyfriend says to his girlfriend, "Baby, you're kind of like Charles Barkley..."

"...You've been on the team for so long and you're still not getting a ring! Happy Valentines day!"

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