Middle school for me was like Charles Darwin…

Naturally, I wasn’t selected by anybody.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a Martini.

The barman asks, "Olive or twist?"

Charles, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn’t seem to get to work on time.

Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late.
But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their “Older Person Friendly” policies.

One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.
“Charles, I have to tel...

Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder

Ray Charles meets Stevie Wonder, they talk about their life, then Stevie says "it's just too bad we're both blind".

Ray answers "Could be worse, we could have been black"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Charles Dickens had lots of melodious metal bars outside the front of his house. Some of them were expensive, others dirt cheap.



It was the best of chimes, it was the worst of chimes.

Q: Why can't Ray Charles see his friends?

A: Because he's married.

What do you get when you cross Prince Charles and the Queen?

Murdered in a tunnel in France

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Charles the Banana

Charles was a banana at the local Safeway, where he sat on the shelf with all the other bananas. Charles waited every day to be picked when, finally, a man picks up Charles in his bunch and buys him.

When Charles got home, the man put Charles on the counter. "Oh boy," he thought, "I'll final...

Prince Charles is visiting an Edinburgh hospital. He enters a ward full of patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness and greets one.

The patient replies:

"Fair fa your honest sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin race,
Aboon them a ye take yer place,
Painch, tripe or thairm,
As langs my airm."

Charles is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient. The patient responds:

"Some h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was Prince Charles’s dick multicoloured?

He kept dipping it in Di

How did Charles Darwin propose to his wife?

He said that she was his natural selection.

Wife comes home, sees her husband in bed with another woman...

\- "Charles, what are you doing!", the wife screams.

Husband thinks quickly, acts surprised...

\- "Camilla, is that you?" - \[*turns to woman next to him*\] - "then who the hell is this?"

Where did Prince Charles spend his honeymoon?

Indiana

Why doesn’t Charles Barkley like paper?

Because it’s tearable.

Two Chess Grandmasters sit down for a Drink

They get a little tipsy, and their tongues loosen up.

Charles: “My wife has been awfully quiet recently. I think she may be having an affair.”

Digory: “...”

Charles: “Well come on man, don’t be so glum.”

Digory: “Charles, I have a confession about my last mate.”

Ch...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Charles Dickens wrote The Lord of the Rings, how would the novel have started?

It was the best of Shires. It was the Worcestershires.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Prince Charles decided to take up walking and everyday, at the same street corner, he would pass a hooker. He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.

“One hundred and fifty pounds!" she'd shout. "No! Five pounds!" he said from the side of his mouth, just to shut her up.

This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence. She'd yell "One hundred and fifty pounds!" He'd yell back "Five pounds!"

One day, Camilla decided t...

King Charles the First gets beheaded

By some miracle, he's still alive and can put his head back on. He runs off to his house as quickly as possible before he is caught. When he arrives home, he sees his wife, in which he explains what had just happened. His wife says, "We should celebrate this miracle! Perhaps you can join me in the b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Albert the village postman is retiring after 50 years on the job

So he puts on his satchel and collects his last mailbag from the post office, and sets out on his last round.

He drops off a few letters at the local library. The librarian smiles and presents him with a leather bound volume of The Complete Works of Charles Dickens: "Here you are, Albert. We...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Charles the duck was sitting by the muddy edge of the pond.

Suddenly a female duck fell out of the sky and landed head first into the mud with her rear sticking up. Another nearby duck, thinking he had won the lottery, quickly mounted the female, but she reared up and threw him off forcefully.

It was a Chuck duck cuck muck luck fuck buck.

I heard that Prince Charles tested positive for Covid-19

Looks like he got coronated at last!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Charles Lee say after being called a pussy by Hamilton?

"I'm a genital, weee!"

What did Charles Darwin say to the animals he discovered

"Naturally I've selected you all for dinner"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack ?

The best of thymes, the worst of thymes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

IF YOU SEE A LINK TITLED “JAMES CHARLES NUDE”, DON’T CLICK ON IT.

#IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR KEYBOARD ON PERMANENT CAPS LOCK.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Charles de Gaulle's wife,...

Madame de Gaulle was said to have been lunching with the American ambassador at the time of her husband's retirement when she was asked what she was most looking forward to in the years ahead.

She thought for a moment before announcing boldly: "A penis". A startled hush fell over the table un...

Charles, Angus and Patrick are in a helicopter when the pilot informs them they are losing altitude.

Desperately, they throw out whatever they have on them. Charles throws out his teapot, Angus throws out his bagpipes and Patrick throws out a bomb. The helicopter recovers and they land safely.

When Charles gets home, he finds his father in the garden crying. When he asks him what happened, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is James Charles favorite music genre?

Re-Gay

What do you call two quadriplegics that are both named Charles?

A pair of numb Chucks.

What do you call a tennis match between Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder?

Endless love.

Uh oh. Prince Charles has coronavirus.

Does that mean he might Di? (Too soon?)

Prince Charles is in isolation with Covid - 19

His brother Andrew is in isolation with Bethany - 14

Prince Charles diagnosed with Covid-19. Camilla has been cleared

Apparently horses can’t get the virus

The Prince of Wales and the Duke of Edinburgh

The recent death of the Duke of Edinburgh reminded me of the time that Prince Charles went to open a school in Brixton in London. The Prince's speech went well, but people were distracted by his headwear, which was a Davey Crockett-type hat made from fox fur, with the fox's tail hanging down at the ...

What is the difference between a chimpanzee with a baby, Prince Charles, and a person with alopecia?

One is a hairy parent, one is an heir apparent, and the other has no hair apparent.

Charles visits his grandpa...

On the first morning of the visit, Charle’s grandpa prepares a breakfast of bacon and eggs. Charles notices a weird substance on his plate and asks, “Grandpa, are you sure these plates are clean?”

grandpa replies, “They’re as clean as cold water can get them, just eat your breakfast.”

...

Finally Prince Charles has been coronated

by a virus

Angela Merkel arrives at the Passport Control at the Charles de Gaulle airport, Paris.

"Nationality ? " asks the immigration officer. "German," she replies. "Occupation?" "No, just here for a few days."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The pickup line of Cecil the cavalier

Cecil is a young British aristocrat who loves horse-riding but is terribly shy.

On his daily trot around Hyde Park, he frequently sees a beautiful girl riding a jet-black Morgan horse but can’t pluck up the courage to approach her.

One evening he’s having a beer with his friend Charles...

Prince Charles contracts Corona Virus

All part of the coronation process

James Charles, Justin Bieber, and bill gates were stranded on an island 100 miles away from shore and one by one they tried to swim off the island

First bill gates swam out 15 miles but then got tired and drowned. Next James Charles swam out 25 miles but got tired and drowned. Finally Justin Bieber swam out 50 miles and got tired and swam all the way back.

Prince Charles is Isolating at Balmoral

Prince's Charles is Isolating at Balmoral Castle with Covid-19

Prince Andrew is Isolating at Windsor with Jenny - 14

Prince Charles has been waiting 70 years

And now he got the wrong Corona

No matter what you guys say, I’m not unsubscribing from James Charles

That entails having to subscribe to him in the first place

Prince Charles is actually happy about getting COVID-19.

Now he doesn't have to worry if he will experience coronation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a man named Ray Berkowitz who, unfortunately for him, was not blessed in the looks department.

For a long time he thought he would never meet a woman. But one day he met a nice woman who was also far from pretty and they ended up getting married... and she got pregnant.

They decided that if it was a boy they were gonna name him Charles.

One day while Ray was out of town for work...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I thought this one was funny (from r/dankmemes)

A rich man named Charles Lostin was bored on his business trip, so he decided to call his wife
*ring ring*
‘Hello! How is it back at home?’ Asked Charles
“It’s all going very well sir” the voice does not belong to his wife
‘Wait a second.. who are you?’
“I’m the maid. I was hired t...

The marriage of Charles and Diana was doomed from their wedding night....

...that's when Diana discovered that not all rulers are 12" long.

I feel bad for Ray Charles about the whole Stevie Wonder thing...

I mean another blind black piano player? There's no way he saw that coming.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Charles, Angus and Patrick had just broken out of prison

Knowing that the police were hot on their tails, they dashed into the nearest building they could find; and old pub. Worried that the police would arrive at any second, they headed into the basement to hide. In the basement they found three large burlap sacks, which they hastily climbed into in an a...

James Charles has just created a large and complex theory regarding the origins of the universe.

*And thats the-sis*

TIL Charles XII once had an affair, about which Sabaton will be releasing a new single to celebrate the 20 years the band has been together

Its called Carolus' ex

It's weird to me that the shortened version of Charles is "Chuck".

I mean, what the Farles is that about?

We’ve all heard of Boyle’s Law and Charles’s Law, but have you ever heard of Cole’s Law?

It’s thinly sliced cabbage.

If you were to steal a historical figures research notebooks what you steal?

Charles Darwin’s would be my natural selection.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Prince Charles goes to Australia

On the last occasion that Prince Charles visited Australia, he attended a function at Wagga Wagga, where he was met by various dignitaries, including the Mayor of Wagga Wagga. Whilst having a cocktail, the Mayor said to the Prince “Your Highness, it’s quite a hot day and yet you have chosen an unusu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Names are weird. How do you get Billie from William? How do you get Chuck from Charles? How do you get dick from Richard?

You ask nicely

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Prime Minister's Wife Makes a Faux Pas

When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public life, the British ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor. At the dinner table, the Ambassador's wife was talking with Madame deGaulle: "Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and ...

Charles ran a successful fur business in early 20th century New York.

He was always humane about the treatment of his animals before they were killed and made sure the rest of the animal didn't go to waste. However, rather than making a massive profit, he'd often donate warm fur clothes to poorer children. He lived comfortably, but always tried to maintain his philant...

Stevie Wonder says the best advice he ever heard was from Ray Charles...

"The future's lookin' up."

Bishop Charles Ellis III has spoken of his embarrassment over groping Ariana Grande..

He says he felt a right tit.

Did you know NBC once considered a diet & fitness show based on people such as Air Force Amy, Mary Magdalene, Heidi Fleiss, Charles Ponzi, Berni Madoff, and Donald Trump?

The pilot was cancelled because they didn't want to weigh the pros and the cons.

I devised a test to see if people prefer Ray Charles or Stevie Wonder...

It's a double blind study.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know Prince Charles has a multi coloured penis?

He used to dip it in Di every night

The Queen and Prince Charles

The Queen and Prince Charles are enjoying a cup of tea when there's suddenly a knock on the door. The Queen goes to open it and it's the Death standing on the other side.
So the Queen shouts loudly: "Hey Charles, it's for you."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So old man Charles is lying on his deathbed.

His great nephew Peter comes to see him, and Charles gets to talking about his life and rambling on, like old men do.

He points out the window and says "Pete, you see that road out there? I built that road myself before there was a town here. I cleared the forest, I leveled the land, I laid t...

Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.

Going to a singles bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away. "I'm just an ordinary man" he said, walking up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." The woman went home with Charles, and the next day she became his stepmother.

What was the real reason Princess Di divorced Prince Charles?

She found out that not all rulers have 12 inches.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Charles Dickens was at his publisher's office.

CD: "I'm going to be honest with you, Howard. It's almost complete and I have most of the elements of the story figured out. Great characters, a terrific setting, some good conflict and a theme. But something's missing, and I can't figure out what it is"

Howard: "The plot, Dickens?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Everyone knows Charles Dickens as a famous author of great classics. Lesser known is his short-lived Apple Cider business. He had to close it after complaints of unexpected pregnancies.

It may seem strange, but what do you expect when you have Dickens Cider?

My Mother-In-Law asked how Charles Manson died, and I responded, "Complications with dementia". To which she replied...

"I thought he was demented his whole life. Why is he having complications with it now??"

What does Charles Darwin use to moisturise his skin?

Evo-lotion.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Charles XII of Sweden, Darius of Persia and Napoleon are sitting at a bar.

Charles XII of Sweden, Darius of Persia and Napoleon are sitting at a bar, watching a military parade on CNN.
Impressed by modern technology Charles XII says - "Man, if i had mechanised infratry like that I'd have kicked ass at the Poltava battle."

Darius replies - "And if i had artille...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Prince Charles was visiting a nursing home

He asks a 93 year old lady "Have you been bed-ridden since you've been here?"
She replies "A couple of times, but i prefer to be fucked up the arse on the sofa"

What did Ray Charles say when his wife told him she wanted a divorce?

I did not see that coming.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall bought new shoes for her wedding. During the big day they became increasingly tighter and tighter as the day went on.

That night, when the festivities were finally over and they retired to their room, she flopped on the bed and said, "Charles, darling, please remove my shoes, my feet are killing me..!"

Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigor, but it would not budge.

"Harde...

There was this wonderful singer in my choir class once. She couldn't read any of the music, but then again, tons of famous singers didn't read music.

I mean, Ray Charles couldn't read sheet music to save his life.

[Punchline wanted] Charles Darwin, Jean-Baptiste Lamarck, and Jerry Lewis walk into a bar. To their surprise, the bartender is a monkey.

Lamarck notes that the monkey's arms have become long from reaching for bottles on the high shelves. Darwin disagrees, saying that the monkey got the job because it was born with long arms. Jerry Lewis looks at the both of them, and says…

Sorry, SimLife couldn't get a needed punch line.
...

What will people say when Prince Charles dies?

Long live the Queen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was reading the book "Great Expectations" by Charles Dickens.

It wasn't as good as I hoped it would be.

Ray Charles...

... is driving and gets into a car accident... because he's blind. He wakes up in a hospital bed.

The doctor comes in and says, "Mr. Charles, I've got good news and bad news."

"What's the bad news?"

"Well, you've lost the use of your left side, due to the accident," says the d...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.