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If you put Greg Abbott, Ted Cruz, and Rick Perry together in a room, who's the first to realize they're full of shit?

The room.

What are Perry The Platypus’ pronouns?

Do Be Do/Be Do Bah

A Russian spy infiltrated in America is arrested

A Russian spy under the alias of “Joe Smith” is arrested by American officials. He is put in an interrogation room and confronted by an official, Agent Perry.

Smith: “I don’t understand, why am I being interrogated?”

Perry: “Drop the act, Smith, if that even is your real name. We know ...

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The incredible trainer

It was a busy day at the bar. A lot of costumers were enjoying their breakfast. Until the door slammed open.
A shady trench coat with an almost as shady wearer appeared in the doorframe, a big bulge in both pockets. He approached the counter, as silent as the entire bar, exchanging glares with ...

Katy Perry sang that after a hurricane comes a rainbow, but you know what else comes after a hurricane?

A moron in a suit.

Ah, Perry the Platypus. Before I begin, I would like to assure you that this joke was absolutely not stolen. And of course by not stolen I mean COMPLETELY STOLEN! *activates trap*

Behold, My voice-changenator! This masterpiece has the power to modify people's voices across the tristate area! Watch as I merely post to my blog, and then any one who reads it is suddenly unable to resist even thinking in a voice other than my own!

When Katy Perry has the eye of the tiger it’s inspiring and motivational

But when I have it all of a sudden I’m “endangering animals” and have a “lifetime ban from the zoo”

For the last couple of weeks i've been unable to stop singing songs by Tony Bennet, Nat king Cole, Perry Como and Bing crosby. After a while it all got too much so I went to see my doctor.

Apparently i have crooner virus!

I can only see Jane's Addiction videos on YouTube if I stare straight at them

I must've lost my PerryFerrell vision

So I heard Katy Perry just lost a case for stealing a bass line, and will probably lose a bit of money?

I guess you can call that a *repercussion.*

Where does Perry the platypus go on vacation?

dubi-dubi-Dubai

So there were a lot of celebrities at the DNC including Alicia Keys and Katy Perry. Hillary was excited because they are on her iPod.

Bill was excited because they were on his to-do list.

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Betrayed

Perry was riding a cab when he saw the *Nun* that he likes very much



"I wish I could kiss that Nun" said Perry



"You could come back here later at 12 MN, I assure you she'll be praying at the back of the church." said the cab driver

"Are you sure?!" said Perry wit...

It’s nice to see that celebrities have taken up book writing during the pandemic

One Direction by Kanye West

Guitars by Mel Gibson

Mining by Brad Pitt

Pear Cider by Katy Perry

Ship Building by Tom Cruise

How to Move Things by Jim Carrey

Escape from Prison by Morgan Freeman

American Motors by Harrison Ford

Wild Animals by Wi...

Newfie hooker

A Newfoundlander was walking home late at night and spots a woman in the Shadows.

"Twenty dollars" she whispers.

Perry had never been with a hooker before, but decides what the hell, it's only twenty bucks. So they hide in the bushes.

They're going at it for a minute when all of...

Perry was busy building a defensive palisade around the Musketeer compound, but it was leaning over badly.

Suddenly Porthos spots the enemy and yells 'Attack! Perry, REPOST!'

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In an interview yesterday, Texas Governor Rick Perry stood by his recent comments in which he compared homosexuality to alcoholism.

Perry further explained the similarities between the two by saying, “They are both things I experimented with while in college and both resulted in my liver taking a pounding.”

I asked Luke Perry what today's date was, and he said...

9/02/10!

This joke is only funny today, once in a lifetime joke! Spread the love

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Listening to Katy Perry is like fucking a fat person...

It is fun, it is easy, but you don't want others to know you do it.

A duke is summoned to meet with the king.

He arrives to find only the king and his trusted adviser Reginald.

Reginald turns to the duke and begins trying to convince him to murder the king.

The king is shocked and exclaims the to duke "Who's side are you on?"

The Duke replies "Reggie's side."


AN: As far as I ...

Why does Tyler Perry put his name on everything he makes?

So you know what shows *not* to watch.

So Rick Perry drops his presidential bid Today..

I thought his campaign wasn't for late term abortions.

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A blind man walks into a diner...

...and sits down in a booth. The waitress walks up and asks him for his order, and he simply requests a dirty fork from the kitchen. Reluctantly, the waitress brings him the fork, and the blind man promptly puts the fork in his mouth to taste it.
"Mmm... pork chops. Delicious. I'll have the por...

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LAWS FOR ENGINEERS

Engineering is a science that runs on the laws of physics. We have all studied these laws in our formal education. There are other laws that are equally powerful, however. These are found through experience in the classroom of applied technology. Here is a summary of the laws of physics for your ent...

Watching Whitney Houston's funeral

Was like watching every Tyler Perry movie at once

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