UPJOKE
josephjacobbenzoincanaantraditionracheljahwistgum benjamingum benzoinasa dulcisbenjessechristopherjewishalexander

Benjamin Jokes

Benjamin Franklin and George Washington walk into a bar and sit down next to Trump.

Franklin turns to Trump and says: "I do not believe you understand the value of liberty, my good fellow."

Trump turns to Franklin and gives him a $100 dollar bill and says: "Of course I do. Money rules this world, Mr. Franklin. That's all I need to know!" Trump taps Franklin's portrait on ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My favorite Hollywood movie of the recent past is “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”.

Never gets old.

TIL, Big Ben was named after Sir Benjamin Hall who oversaw the installation of the Bell....

Thankfully, his brother Richard reported sick that day .

Benjamin Moore just came out with a new paint called blonde

It's not very bright but it spreads easily

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People say Benjamin Button jokes are dead.

But, honestly, they never get old.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Benjamin Button"

*"Benjamin who?"*

"Benjamin"

*"Who's there"*

"Knock knock"

Why was Benjamin spinning around and sleepy?

Because Benadryl.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Albert Einstein and Benjamin Franklin go camping.

They arrive at the campsite and set their tent up and get everything ready. Night time comes and they decide to go into the tent and go to sleep.

During the night Albert wakes up and can see the stars so he wakes up Benjamin and asks him "Hey we can see the stars what does this mean?' Benjam...

I believe it was Benjamin Franklin who said:

"You have reached the end of you free trial membership at BenjaminFranklinQuotes.com."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Every night, my roommate gets high and watches the Benjamin Button movie in reverse.

I finally said, “This is getting old really fast.”

What Breaking Benjamin song should you only listen to on the toilet?

Diarrhea Jane

Benjamin Netanyahu, the prime minister of Israel, Narendra Modi, the prime minister of India, and Donald Trump from America, are driving together to a conference...

...when their car breaks down and they are forced to spend the night at a small motel.

”I’m sorry,” says the clerk, ”but we have only one room left and it’s a double. But one of you can
sleep in the barn. We will make it comfortable.”

”No problem,” says Narendra Modi, ”I will sleep ...

Contrary to popular belief, Benjamin Franklin didn’t discover electricity.

He was just really shocked by it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Republican primary race should be called "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"

It's way too long, and the protagonists are becoming more juvenile as it goes on.

What kind of spirits haunt an abandoned Benjamin Moore or Sherwin Williams?

Mineral spirits

A Jewish son tells his father he is moving out.

The son returns a year later and tells his father that he has converted to Christianity. The father is upset and calls his friend who is also Jewish. “You won’t believe this, my son David moved out for a year and came back and told me he converted to Christianity.” His friend says, “you won’t believ...

After Israel threatened to take the Security Council vote as an act of war, the New Zealand Ambassador called Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu....

...Picking up the phone, he spoke "Hebrew."

I worked in one of those creepy ice cream vans over Memorial Day weekend, and I must say, they really do work. I raked in the Benjamins.

Also got a couple Jacobs and Timothys as well.

Golf

The Pope met with his cardinals to discuss a proposal from Benjamin Netanyahu, the leader of Israel. Your Holiness, said one of the Cardinals, Mr. Netanyahu wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths. The Pope thou...

What do you call a guy who plays in a band?

Benjamin.

An Archaeologist Found an Ancient Vase at a Dig Site...

and as he began to inspect the runes carved in it, he started dusting it off, and a genie came screaming out of it in rage.


"**Who disturbs my slumber**! I have been asleep for thousands of years, and *you* dare to wake ***me***? I should kill you where you stand!"

The archaeologis...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly Rabbi and an elderly Priest are good friends in the retirement home.

One day the priest asks, "So tell me, Benjamin, be honest now, have you ever had bacon?" The old rabbi sighs and leans back, "Ashamedly yes. One day, In my youth, I gave into temptation and had bacon wrapped shrimp with cheese sauce....Now tell me Sean, be honest now, have you ever had sex?" The old...

Is this the right place for politically incorrect jokes?

I have this great one about President Benjamin Franklin.

I hadn't picked up my guitar in years. But since quarantine started, I've....

Benjamin Moore

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When it comes to women, I often get compared to Brad Pitt.

In Benjamin Button.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's Saturday morning at Cathy & Bill's home.

They live in a cul-de-sac. After Bill jumps into the shower, the door bell chimes. Cathy answers it in her pajamy-wams to find their neighbor Bob standing there. He gives her a long look up and down and says "You know, if you take off your top off, I will give you $500." Cathy thinks it over and che...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Making ends meet by working hard.

There was this financially struggling couple, barely making ends meet as the spending was slightly above what they earned and what they earned was less than what they made in the past.

After a lot of discussion how to proceed and what to do they decided that the wife should try out streetwalk...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This woman said that I reminded her of Brad Pitt.

I was flattered, until she mentioned it was when he played Benjamin Button.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This maths test can predict your favourite film.

Not sure how it works but it does. Mine was Star Wars.
DON'T PEEP!

Pick a number between 1 and 9.

Multiply by 3.

Add 3 to that number.

Multiply by 3 again.

Add the 2 digits together.

Now discover your favourite film!
1. LOTR

2. Shawshank...

I think this one was here but saw it a few years ago so i decided to post it.

Little Jimmy was once playing with his dinosaur toys on the backyard, when his older brother Tony walked towards him with a brand new baseball bat, ball and glove.

Jimmy noticed it and gasped "Tony, how did you get all those cool toys?!"

"Simple" Tony chuckled "Just go to an adult, and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Show-and-Tell

A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show-and-tell" assignment. Each student was instructed to bring in an object that represented their religion to share with the class.

The first student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Benjamine and I am Jewish and this is a Star of ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bought a Magic toilet

At first i accidentally flushed my silver necklace down the toilet.

The next day i found silver jewelries on the bathroom floor.

Then i decided to flush down my gold ring.

The very next day, gold jewelries everywhere in bathroom.

I realized that my toilet is magical so i...

Bibi Netanyahu is traveling

The clerk asks him "name?"

he answers, "Benjamin Netanyahu."

the clerk asks "occupation?"

"WE WON IT IN A DEFENSIVE WAR AND ISRAEL IS THE ONLY DEMOCRACY IN THE MIDDLE EAST!!!!"

Politicians are a lot like diapers...

They should be changed frequently, and for the same reasons.
(Benjamin Franklin)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A drunk walks into a bar he's never been in before...

He sees an enormous pickle jar on the top shelf that is overflowing with $100 bills. He asks the bartender for a beer and a shot, and decides to ignore it. Six drinks in, curiosity gets the best of him.
"Wuz, uh... what's wilth the jar o' money?"
The bartender replies that there is a $100 buy ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was making an apple pie and realised I was missing an important ingredient. [long]

I got a rather verbose birthday card some time back containing a story - this is my retelling of it:

I was making an apple pie and realised I was missing an important ingredient.

Unfortunately, I was up to my elbows in sticky mixture and didn't really want to have to go through the faf...

Question about baby expert Dr. Spock

Given that Dr. Benjamin Spock was one of the leading experts in pregnancy and early childhood, having written a famous book (BABY & CHILD CARE) for expecting & new mothers on taking care of their babies...

Would it be correct to call Dr. Spock a Mother-FAQer?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Three Challenges

**TL;DR:** Jokes don't have TL;DRs.

A man named Andrew walks into a bar, makes his way to the stool and asks the bartender for some Whiskey, on the rocks.

As the bartender serves Andrew his order, his eyes fall on a relatively large jar of money filled with $100 bills. He gets curious...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.