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What did Chris Farley say when he found out Norm MacDonald was coming to Heaven?

Well La-di-freakin-da!


R.I.P. Norm. Ill miss you greatly. As a GenX kid growing up in the 80s & 90s you bought me lots of laughs, and made my shitty life a little better. Thanks so much.

And Chris, you're still missed, referenced, and thought of often. And again thanks for all ...

Chris pratt came up on the news

My dad said "y'know it's sad"



I replied "what's wrong"


He said "that someone could name their son Crisp Rat "

Nintendo has explicitly banned Chris Pratt from using method acting for the Mario movie

They have warned him that eating shrooms on set is both unprofessional and illegal.

Chris the tractor salesman

Ol' farmer John had just walked into the local watering hole, when who should he see, but his old friend Chris the tractor salesman sitting up at the bar. Chris looked so down and dejected, that John just had to go up and say something to him.

"Say, Chris, how ya doing? How's the tract...

How did Rihanna found out Chris Brown was cheating on her

She found another girls lipstick on his knuckles

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How does Chris Hemsworth get girls ready for sex?

Thorplay

I TRIED Chris Hemsworth’s workout regimen.

It works. I was really Thor for theveral days..

There is only one thing that beats a beautiful girl with amazing voice.

And that’s Chris Brown

Ryan Reynolds, Randall Park, Birdy, Daisy Ridley, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Chris Evans, Margot Robbie, Mark Ruffalo, Taylor Swift, and Donald Trump are playing Among Us.

They start by picking a color.

Trump declares he is Orange: “ I will be Orange because that’s my skin color!”

Daisy then adds, “If you wanna ridicule yourself then fine, I’ll pick blue.

Taylor Swift: “Cyan for the sky.”

Mark Ruffalo: “Hulk green, Hulk pick GREEEEEEN!”
...

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One spooky night on Halloween...

Chris, an urban adventurer. was looking to have some fun.

He decided that since it was Halloween, it would be the perfect time to explore a spooky house. He asked the locals if they knew of any, and they informed him of this abandoned mansion not to far from where he lived. He was warned cou...

Why did Rihanna get back with Chris Brown?

Because she didn't want to be a one hit wonder.

My wife and I have a list of people we get a free pass to sleep with. Her list has Josh Duhamel, Henry Cavill, and Chris Evans.

My list has our neighbor, her sister, and our kid's teacher.

What do Chris Hemsworth and Mike Tyson have in common after a workout?

They're both Thor.

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What do you get when Little Richard calls you up to tell you he's picked up Carmen Miranda, Freddy Mercury, Peter Allen, Divine, Sylvester, Chris Crocker, Elton John, Gil Chesterton, Andy Dick, Wayne Newton, Liberace, and Richard Simmons...and they're on their way?

Tutti Frutti en route-y!

(Wooooooooo!)

How does Chris Brown's girlfriend know that he cheated?

Different shade of lipstick on his knuckles.

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I spent all day calling my mates to tell them about the 3 way I had last night with twins

One guy asked if I could tell them apart.

I said absolutely! Chris was a blonde with medium sized breasts, and Pat was a dude.

Jack, a renown atheist, dies and to his utter surprise ends up in hell where he's greeted by Satan himself. Completely shocked he talks to the devil and says: "Welp, I've been wrong all my life and I guess I'm now to pay the price for my lack of faith". Satan laughs and replies: Awh it's not so bad.

He then proceeds to escort Jack through a beautiful lush green plain with flowers, scattered here and there there's a bunch of houses where other "damned" live. As they pass through each house the inhabitants recognize Satan and invite them inside for a drink and a chat, a request that's always gran...

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A group of kindergarteners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade.

The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk.

“You need to use ‘big people’ words,” she’d always remind them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend.

“I went to visit my Nana.”

“No, you went to visit your Grandmother. Use big people word...

What happens when you leave a Chris Isaak wax statue in the sun for too long?

You get a Lyle Lovett wax statue.

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Chris Pratt, Jesus, and Hitler are sitting in a bar...

Jesus, Chris Pratt, and Hitler are sitting at a bar drinkin' a few brews.

Jesus says, "Hey we should all try and get in the Guinness Book of World Records!"

To which Chris Pratt replies, "Yeah, I bet I could get in it for most loved person in history."

Jesus then says, "and I be...

Why wife woke me this morning and said I'm half the size of Chris Evans.

I think she's confused, because I'm definitely not 3 feet tall.

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My wife always takes a long time to shower after we watch a Chris Pratt movie.

I don't know what she's doing in there but it gives me enough time to jerk off to him.

What happens when you put Chris Pine, Chris Hemsworth, Chris Reeve, Chris Pratt and Chris Evans in the same room?

A Chrisis

Comedians like Chris Farley and George Carlin were so good, they're a national treasure

Well, they used to be anyway


Now they're just buried treasure

What did Chris Nolan say after he got a movie idea?

"Where's ma-co-caine? "

My girlfriend said her free pass is Chris Hemsworth.

I told her my free pass is much more realistic and she should change her pick. She even agreed with me.

So I don't know why she got so mad when I said mine is her sister.

New 911 audio recordings of Chris Browns assault on Rihanna has been released to the public for the first time.

It’s called Chris Browns greatest hits.

What are four words you never want to hear when you go pick up your date at her house?

"Hi, I'm Chris Hansen."

One moment Chris D’Elia’s the King of Comedy

the next he’s barely regal.

If Alex Jones and Chris Brown were both on fire and you only had one fire extinguisher...

Where would you hide it?

How does Chris Hemsworth feel after a workout?

Thor


Bonus joke.

How does Tom Hiddleston walk around in public?

Loki



I'll see myself out.

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Chris Hemsworth goes to a bar

He spots a nice looking lady and gets chatting to her, she happens to have dental braces which affects her speech only slightly.
He asks her “Could I buy you a drink?”
She replies “If you mutht”
They chat and drink into the early hours.
Chris then says “I have a room at the Radisson do...

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Rihanna was asked; "why do you think Chris Brown was denied a visa in Australia?"

She replied:


"Beats the hell outta me"

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New Guy from Texas [Read till the end]

A middle-aged man from Texas moves to Australia and decides to get a temporary gig until his job placement is fixed. Luckily, not far from his residence there is one of those "one stop shop" stores, and he gets to be the cashier / salesman.

After the first day the boss came down to see how th...

Who is a deep fried rodent’s favourite actor?

Chris Pratt

Happy Chris Columbus Day! Say what you want about the guy but in reality....

We wouldn't have the first two Harry Potter movies without him.

Before Chris Brown did a concert with them, they were just known as "The Peas".

And now they are The ......... Peas

Chris Hemsworth arranged a party for Tom Hiddleston's birthday that not many people knew about.

It was a Loki event.

What do Kevin McCallister and Chris Watts have in common?

They both made their families disappear.

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Chris Pratt's German Joke (in English)

Dieter and his grandpa Peter are sitting on top of a hill. Peter turns to Dieter and says, "You see all those houses down there? I built them with my bare hands, but do they call me Peter the House Builder? No."

Then Peter points to a church by the houses. "I built that church with my bare h...

Chris Brown’s Greatest hits

Rhianna

Chris Cornell dies and goes to heaven

At the gate, St. Peter says, "because your beautiful voice and amazing talent brought happiness to so many people, we'll grant you one wish".

Chris thought about it for a moment and replied, "I'd like the world to be a kinder, better place".

So St. Peter killed Roger Ailes.

Chris Evans, Chris Pine, Christopher Walken and Christopher Eccleston attend a church sermon together

Carol Spinney, the actor for Big Bird, happens to be sitting in the front row.
He asks the priest “hey, father, are those guys over there the real deal?”
The priest replies: “oh yeah, it’s a Chris mass, Carol”

Chris used to drink only regular coffee, then he got in a car accident and lost both his legs below his knees...

Now he goes with de-calf.

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Everyone debates butts vs. boobs, but nothing beats a pretty face.

Except for Chris Brown

What's Chris Brown's favorite part of any song?

The beat

What's chris browns favourite song?

Hit me baby one more time.

Dire Straits and Chris Rea are getting together.....

......they are calling themselves Dire Rea.

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A young man called Chris from London wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend.

They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived in Scotland. Chris consulted with his sister and decided, after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note... not too romantic and not too personal. Off he went with his sister to Harrods and th...

What’s the difference between Chris Brown and a radio station?

Radio stations only have 90 minutes of nonstop hits.

Chris Brown's girlfriend walked into a bar.

That's his story and he's sticking to it.

What's the difference between Chris Brown and a Tesla?

The Tesla gets fewer battery charges in a year.

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My wife and i made a list of people we would have sex if we got the opportunity

She chose Channing Tatum,David Beckham,Brad Pitt,Chris Hemsworth and Bradley Cooper.I chose her sister,her cousin that was at our wedding,neighbours wife,girl that works as a clerk in Walmart and our son’s biology teacher

What does Chris Hansen call a baby jaguar?

A child predator

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So Chris Brown is expecting a baby.

Guess Rhianna isn't the only one who's ass is getting slapped before the black eyes.

Chris Rock, The Rock, and Kid Rock walk into a marijuana dispensary

*something about being stoned*

I tried.

I was gonna make a chris brown joke,

But he beat me to the punch

One day, Rihanna has amnesia and can't remember anything. She's asked, "What do you think of Chris Brown?"

She replies: "Beats me".

I met a Chinese guy at a party and told him, “Do I know you? Are you Chris Chen?”

He said, “No. I’m Eric. Do all Asian guys look the same to you?”

Me: No, I meant do you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior?

What do you call a group of people name Chris

An MCU

I think Chris Brown should be a storm trooper in the next Star Wars.

Maybe he can actually hit somebody.

So Logan Paul just called out Chris Brown to fight him

Too bad for him Chris Brown doesn't hit women anymore

There's a petition going around to name the black hole after Chris Cornell from Soundgarden

There gonna call it the cornhole

So Chris Brown has quit music...

Unsurprisingly, he has beaten Rihanna to it.

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"Dad, look! I'm a 3D printer!"

"Chris, close the god damn door if you're taking a shit"

Rihanna called me years ago and asked if she should date Chris Brown.

I said "If you want to knock yourself out".
Poor thing heard it as "If you want to, knock yourself out".

Did you hear about the new spin-off/crossover series starring Chris Pratt?

It’s called Parks and Rex

I heard that Chris Brown entered a Rihanna look-alike competition.

I thought he was insane, but you know what they say. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

What do you get when you cross Dwayne the Rock Johnson with Chris Hemsworth?

Thor RagnoROCK

I knew a girl who went out with Kanye and then Chris Brown.

She said the difference was striking.

What’s Chris Brown’s favorite type of music?

Beatbox

Two friends are having a chat in a bar.

Chris: Hey can I borrow a ten?

Kristen: sure.

Christen: Thank you.

Kris: Anytime.

Taylor Swift's new song with Chris Brown is gonna be

A real hit

Chris Cornell died...

Well Chris, say hello to heaven for me.

What is Chris Brown's favorite cooking appliance?

A Black and Decker

Chris Christie asked his staff...

If they thought his image would recover from beach-gate.

They told him "Fat chance!"

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A man named Chris

This guy called Chris goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers.
"Hi, is tony home?" he asks.
"No, he went to the store."
"Well, you mind if I wait?"
"No, come in"
They sit down and Chris says, "You know Tina, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen,...

Have you heard the name of Chris Brown's latest album?

Chris Brown's Greatest Hits ft. Rihanna

Why is Chris Christie always linty?

Because he's in Trump's pocket.

Today, I decided to go and meet my good friend Chris Pine.

We hadn't seen each other in ages, but I decided to go and catch up with him for old time's sake. We went on a stroll down the park, waiting in the ice cream line as it was a hot day. Next, we went to a theater, but the phantom of the opera was showing, and the theater line was full. Exasperated, an...

Chris Christie finally got a job in Trump's administration.

He's going to be the border wall.

Mothers day scultpures

Ellis and Chris are up late carving sculptures of a mother holding a baby for their Mothers Day stall.

All of them look the same the only differences are the flowers in the mother's hair.

Chris tells a story to Ellis about his favorite flower and why.

*Ellis rolls his eyes*
...

Chris Cornell dies and goes to heaven…

St. Peter: It is probably a bit disorienting, but there are a lot of people here you will want to meet.

Chris: Like who?

St. Peter: Well, right over there are Janis, Jimi, Kurt, Prince, and David Bowie for starters.

Chris: Oh no, is that Bono over there with them? I d...

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