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You all know how you get Bill from William and Bob from Robert but how do you get Dick from Richard?

Ask him nicely

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I used to work at a place that only hired people called Richard.

The owner was a real Dick.

Technology is the death of us

DEAR NEIGHBOR:


Hi, George. This is Richard, next door. I've a confession to make. I've been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face. At least I'm telling you in this text. I can't live with myself a minute longer without your...

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A woman gave birth to a baby named Richard.

Even as a newborn he was a Dick to everyone.

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Had a neighbor named Richard Noggin.

He was a real dick head

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If you take a picture of a man named Richard...

Is it a Dick pic?

Trump dies and goes to hell..

... where the Devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go,...

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(NSFW) A guy named Richard opens up a wooden coffin shop

He calls it Dick’s Mourning Wood

What do you call it when Richard Nixon hides the toothpaste?

Colgate

What is the difference between Washington, Nixon and Trump?

George Washington couldn’t tell a lie.

Richard Nixon couldn’t tell the truth.

Donald Trump can’t tell the difference

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Richard isn't very happy

His family are nuts and his neighbours an asshole

Did you hear Mick Jagger and Keith Richards were attacked by a giant magpie?

Witnesses say one bird was trying to kill two Stones

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[NSFW] [Easter] How do you say “Robert and Richard had intercourse with the rabbit” without any Rs?

Bob and Dick fucked the bunny

This year in Heaven the Christmas celebration was also a costume party. Everyone dressed up.

Many people came as movie characters, from Gandalf the Grey (and White) to Jason Bourne to Black Widow to Harry Potter. Alan Rickman went as Hans Gruber, which made St. Peter exclaim "See, Die Hard IS a Christmas movie!" St. Peter was dressed as the "Fragile" lamp from A Christmas Story. Moses showe...

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Two Blonde Girls chatting.

Blonde 1: I understand how you get Bob from Robert


& Bill from William, but how do you get Dick from Richard?


Blonde 2: Show him your Pussy.....

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Richard Pryor: I got famous for saying "motherfucker". Sam Jackson: I also got famous for saying "motherfucker".

Oedipus: You guys are all talk.

What does Richard Curtis have in common with a group of 30 people?

They make up Four Weddings and a Funeral

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If you think you had an embarrassing childhood, my Father's name was Richard.

Half of my family photos contained Dick picks.

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Richard asks Susan to stop letting people know they're married.

To which she responds, "I doesn't bother me if people know I have a Dick."

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My friend Richard just packed all of his belongings and left the country without letting me know.

That was a Dick move.

Bless the wife of Richard Cheese

He always wondered why she complained about going down on him.

Just found out that Keith Richards and Mick Jagger were killed when a car driven by David Crosby crashed into them. I hope it’s not true, but if it is,

it’ll be the first time two Stones were killed with one Byrd.

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Never hang out with someone named richard

He's usually a dick

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Did you hear about that guy, Richard, who went to Africa?

He was a real Dick in Djibouti.

Just had Little Richard round to trim the garden

He lopped all the rhubarb, he lopped bamboo

Dick is short for Richard

And he doesn’t like that I’m sharing this information

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My friend Richard sent me a selfie

It was a dickpic

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Richard's new job

Richard just got a new job on a small shipping vessel. He shows up for his first day and the first mate puts him to work loading crates onto the ship. He finishes a few hours later and they get underway. Richard is put to work and is kept busy all day. After dinner, he approaches the first mate and ...

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My brother asked his friend Richard to step aside because he was walking very slowly

Now that's what I call a Dick move

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I don’t trust anyone named Richard.

If you ask me, they’re all kind of dicks.

Shocking results came in after Keith Richards went to the hospital.

They found blood in his drugstream.

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What do you call a group of guys named Richard?

An embarrassment of Riches.


If you thought it was "a bunch of Dicks" get your mind out of the gutter!

Richard Nixon, Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton are all on the Titanic

As the Titanic begins sinking, Jimmy Carter yells “quick, save the women and children.”

Nixon yells back: “screw the women and children!”

Bill Clinton says: “I don’t think we have time for that.”

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I have a large horny donkey named Richard

He's a huge fucking dickass

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Hi, my name is Richard...

..but I go by Penis.

Richard, a good friend of mine, insisted that it's now impossible to get a "repost" to the front page of /r/jokes...

"Every joke ever written has been posted to Reddit and there is nothing left to joke about." Said Richard and he even suggesting many of you would agree.

"Put your money down on the table, I bet I can get a "repost" to the front page!" I replied with a sense of regret as I soon as I said tho...

It was Tracy's first day at the aviary

And she was put in charge of the cassowary enclosure. She only looked away for a second, but that was enough time for one of them to escape! Tracy looked back and saw a flurry of wings and feathers as the great beast fled the area. She chased after it and heard in the distance a great commotion and ...

A group of cows? A herd.

A group of crows? A murder.
A group of guys called Richard? A bag.

Dad, why is my sister named Olivia?

"Because your mother had a massive craving for olives when she was pregnant."

"That makes sense. Thanks dad."

"No problem, Richard."

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Old man Richard goes to bed

As Richard closed his eyes and dozed off, he suddenly found himself standing in front Heaven's Gates. Stunned in disbelief, Richard approaches Saint Peter in a panic.

"St. Peter! What happened, why am I in Heaven?"

"Well Richard, you've passed away in your sleep. From now on, the Gates...

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I know this is dumb

A man walks into a bar and sees a really pretty woman and sits down next to her.

He says “Did you know Dick is short for Richard?”

Confused, she asks “How do you get Dick from Richard”

He responds “You ask politely”

What did Richard Nixon say when he bumped into Gerald Ford?

Pardon me.

Keith Richards arrested in London on molestation charge.

Apparently someone saw him fingering A minor.

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A Joke for everyone who isn't called Richard

Was chatting to a lovely Blonde the other day, Ruth she said her name was.

When she asked my name I said ‘Jason, but everyone calls me Dick for short’

‘How do you get Dick from Jason’ she asked

I replied ‘Ask nicely!’

My friend Richard always says, "you are what you eat"

His nickname checks out.

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My son youngest grade son recently learned "Dick" is a nickname for someone named Richard...

... and was super excited about while telling the family at dinner.

Our teenage daughter casually implores, *"How do you get Dick from Richard?"*



Suffice it say, my wife wasn't too impressed when I responded, *"You ask him nicely."*

What do you call Mick Jagger and Keith Richards both found dead with their eyes taped open in front of the TV?

Killing two Stones with one Birdbox.



*I'll show myself out...*

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Did you hear about that fascist leader named Richard Potato?

Most call him a Dick Tater.

Yesterday, when I rode through Nottingham Forest, I witnessed a bizarre scene: Robin Hood was in the middle of a sandwich with Richard Lionheart and a homeless girl.

Surprised, I stopped and shouted "What are you doing?"


And Robin Hood shouted back: "Can't you see that? I take it from Rich and give it to the poor."

Old Man Richard Harrison: I want to live till I am 100

Death: Best I can do is 77

Little John and Tim were playing in the yard...

Little John and Tim were playing in the yard, when they accidentally sent the ball to the neighbors yard. Tim went there to fetch it, but after a while, he came running with eyes closed tightly.

John: Hey, what happened?

Tim: Mrs. Richards is sunbathing there, naked.

John: Yah,...

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I never understood how you got dick from Richard.

Apparently you just get him drunk first.

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Gay parents are awesome!

* "Hey dad, why is my sister named rose?"
* "Because your other dad loves roses"
* "Thanks dad"
* "No problem, Richard"

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My mate Richard is 7 foot 1 inches.

He's a massive dick.

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I've known a lot of Richards in my life...

They were all dicks

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To anyone named Richard

Technically anything you do is a Dick move

Richard ‘Old Man’ Harrison just passed away

Mortician: it’s going to cost you $10,000 to put him in a casket.

Rick: best I can do is $100 cause it’s just going to sit there and collect dust.

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Two guys called Richard were trying to see who could go higher on swings.

It was a real dick swinging contest.

I will stop showering and then change my name into Richard.

That way I will become filthy rich.

Three mothers

Are with their children at a psychologist's office. The psychologist addresses the three mothers, telling them he brought each of them there to reflect their life addictions.

To the first mother he says, "You have an addiction to food, as you named your daughter Candy."

To the second ...

I'm sick of telling my parents that my name is Richard.

It's Richard with "ch", not a "t"

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Mr. Richard Messina, an elementary-school principal, receives a phone call one morning.

The caller says, "Mr. Messina, my son Johnny will not come to school today, because he's sick."

Mr. Messina asks, "Who am I speaking to, please?"

The caller responds, "I am my father."

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Richard Gere starts searching for meaning of life.

I translated this joke from my native Serbian language, spelling might not be perfect. Ok.

Richard Gere starts searching for meaning of life. He learn that there is in Texas one very smart guy, and that he can help him, he goes there and ask him "Can you tell me what is meaning of life?".
...

Richard Feynman had a threesome

double slit experiment

Richard Nixon and Gerald Ford pass each other in the hallway (Oldie but a goodie)

Richard Nixon and Gerald Ford pass each other in the hallway. Nixon bumps into Ford's shoulder. Embarrassed, Nixon turns to Ford and says "Pardon me!"

And so he did.

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Every selfie that my mate Richard posts online...

...is a dick pic.

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What did Richard Spencer squeal after getting punched in the face?

*"I'm Nazi bad person here!"*

Richard Spencer is the Kim Kardashian of the alt-right...

I have no idea why he's famous and I only know his name because some dude pounded him on video.

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After 175 years, researchers have finally figured out what caused the Irish Potato Famine of 1845

One of the potatoes that rose to power was named Richard. He was a Dick tater.

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Richard was my superior when I was in the army...

He was a major dick

What did Richard Nixon say after he tried to make dinner at the White House for the first time?

I am not a cook

Have you heard of Richard Potato?

He's a dictator.

Keith Richards recently went to the doctor

They were surprised to have found traces of blood in his heroin stream.

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