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Kerry Jokes

Australia's smartest man

An airplane was about to crash..

There were five passengers on board, but only four parachutes.

The first passenger said, “I am President Obama, the chosen one. The world needs me, I can’t afford to die.”

So he took the first parachute and left the plane.

The second pas...

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My Son Kerry and Puppies

So I was walking down the street with my son kerry and we seen a couple of dogs having sex. My son being young and all says "dad what are they doing" I say "they making puppies son" "like that?" "yeah right from behind son. Anyway a few days later kerry walks in on me and the wife having sex and goe...

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

JOE BIDEN:...

A frog walks into a bank and approaches the teller

He sees from her nametag that the woman working at the counter is named 'Patricia Wack'.



"Hello Patricia." the frog says politely. "I'm here today because I'd like to borrow $200,000"



Patricia does a double-take, and looks at the frog incredulously.



"Y...

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A ventriloquist from Cork visiting Kerry walks into a small village

A ventriloquist from Cork visiting Kerry walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog.
He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Kerryman... 'Whats the craic, mind if I have a chat with your dog?'
Kerryman: 'The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Lange...

An American walks into an Irish pub, he asks the bartender for an Irish Car Bomb.

The bartender grimaces, "Excuse me?"

The man smiles, "It's a drink, you don't have those? Irish car bombs?"

The bartender lights up and replies, "Oh I have something similar, one moment!"

He then takes two tall shot glasses side by side, fills them with vodka, and lights them af...

When John Kerry was running for Vice President he told Drew and Jim to load his baggage onto his plane until he got back. Then he forgot about them.

The Carey's carry on carrying on Kerry's carry-ons.

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A Dublin man sees a sign outside a Kerry farmhouse: 'Talking Dog For Sale'....

He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.
The man sees a very nice looking Black Labrador Retriever sitting there.
"Do you really talk?" He asks the dog.
"Yes!" The Labrador replies.
After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog tal...

Biden wanted to know if Putin was still alive...

Putin himself decided to send Biden a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Biden opened the letter which appeared to contain a single line of a coded message.





370HSSV-0773H





Biden was baffled, so he emailed it to John Ke...

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Young Paddy

A young Irish man called Paddy wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend.

They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived in Donegal and he lived in Kerry .

Paddy consulted with his Sister and decided, after careful consideration, that a pair of good qua...

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A timeless, Irish classic.

About twenty years ago, the Irish government decided to set up a secret service, much like MI5 in the UK. The three best Gardai (Irish police officers) were selected to participate in a number of tests in order to determine who would receive the coveted title of 001.
The three Gardai, each repres...

The Irishman and the three beers.

An Irishman moves into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry, walks into the pub and promptly orders three beers.



The bartender raises his eyebrows, but serves the man three beers, which he drinks quietly at a table, alone.



An hour later, the man has finished the three beers ...

A photographer was on vacation

A photographer on vacation was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that
read '€10,000 per call'.
The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for.
The priest replied that it w...

Brotherly Love

A new Irish pub opens in downtown New York. On the first day, an Irishman walks in and orders three pints of Guinness.


He takes a sip from the first one, then a sip from the second and finally a sip from the third. He does this in turn until all pints are empty. This goes on every day for...

Nobody tells the British Royal Navy what to do... Except the Irish.

This is the transcript of the "actual" radio conversation between the British and the Irish, off the coast of Kerry, October 98. Radio conversation released by the chief of Naval operations, 10-10-98:

IRISH: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South, to avoid a collision.

BRIT...

The Dunne Family

Some years ago, in the hills above Killarney, there lived Seamus and Isobel Dunne and their family of 6 boys.


It was a happy but isolated existence, so it came as a bit of a shock when eldest son Niel announced that he was off to seek his fortune amongst the bright lights of London. His...

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