Stephen Hawking was a master at the violin

He had an adept understanding of string theory

Hi Reddit! My name is Joseph, and I am the son of Stephen King. AMA!

I would post proof, but it's obvious that I'm Joe King.

Why are the Philadelphia Eagles's playoff chances like Stephen Hawking?

Despite being mathematically relevant, they are still dead.

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar...

...just kidding.

Why does Stephen Hawking only do one liners?

Because he can't do stand up.

I'll bet that Bret Stephens has a new Twitter account under a different name.

A bed bug typically lives undercover.

What's with all of the rude Stephen Hawking jokes??

The man can't even stand up for himself..

Did you see the preview for the new Stephen King movie?

I’m excited to see It

Why can't Stephen Hawking become a 'stand-up comedian'?

Because he's dead.

Neil DeGrasse Tyson, Stephen Hawking, and Bill Nye walk into a bar.

Neil and Bill look at Stephen Hawking and yell, "My God, Stephen, you're cured!"

“There is no God” -Stephen Hawking, 2011

“There is no Stephen Hawking” -God, 2018

I was walking past a homeless man when he yelled, "Stephen King is my older brother and he stole the ideas for all his novels from me!"

Unconvinced, I replied, "Surely, you must be Joe."

Tina Turner was asked to invest in a rom-com reboot of Stephen King's clown movie

She asked, "what's love got to do with *It*?"

The Baldwins are on a family holiday in Mississippi when Stephen catches Alec down by the lake, EATING his wife!

He screams in horror as Alec escapes into the lake leaving a bloody trail behind him. The other Baldwin brothers hear the commotion and sprint to the scene.

As they arrive they discover the body of Alec's dead wife, covered in bite marks and with chunks of flesh missing from her limbs.
<...

Everyone is a fan of Stephen Hawking now that he died.

I bet they can't name even 3 of his songs.

When Stephen King was born

No one knew he had It coming.

What was Stephen Hawkins Last Words?

Shutting down.

I’ve read my first Stephen King novel

IT was a Maine event

Did Stephen Hawking have a donor card?

. .Cos I really need bits for my kids go-kart

What do you call a handjob from Stephen Hawking?

A stroke of genius.

It's said that Jesus could walk on water...

Thats nothing! Stephen Hawking ran on batteries

First Stephen Hawking, now Avicii?

Tough year for the Electronic community.

I've tried calling Stephen Hawking many times

I keep getting his answering machine

My friend said they'd finally read Stephen Hawking's book.

I said, "It's about time."

What did Stephen Hawkins do when his shoes fell off?

He would re-boot

I just realized why Joe Hill won’t take his dad (Stephen King) last name...

because everyone would think he was Joking.

Why is Stephen such a neutral name?

Because its pH is in the middle.

Why did Stephen Hawking only eat meat?

Because eating vegetables would be cannibalism.

What if Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady

but you would never know because he can't stand up?

How did Stephen Hawking die?

He accidentally hit alt+f4

Stephen Hawking had his first date for 10 years last week. He came back, his glasses were smashed, he had a broken wrist, a twisted ankle and grazed knees.

Apparently she stood him up!

If you thought Stephen Strange couldn't be Sorcerer Supreme...

...you'd be Wong.

That say that knowledge is power...

But i'm pretty damn sure I could beat Stephen Hawking's ass

(Bonus joke)
In fact, I bet I could beat Hawking up before he can even say anything about it

Just saw a post about Stan Lee, Avicii, Stephen Hawking and Burt Reynolds.

It was a rip-post.

How does Stephen Hawking refresh after a long day?

F5

They Just Released Stephen Hawking's Last Words

"1 percent battery life remaining. Please find nearest charger and plug in device"

Whats Stephen Hawking’s least favorite song?

Stairway to Heaven

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he’s hooked up to?

The computer runs.

Stephen Hawking’s final theory, written just before he died, was released yesterday.

It's about time

What if Stephen Colbert got involved in a scandal?

It would be called Colgate.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How does Stephen Hawking have sex?

Enter, backspace, enter, backspace, enter, backspace...

So I heard the new Iphone is gonna have that new Stephen King movie preloaded onto it.

Yeah. X is gonna give IT to ya.

A fish, a snake, and Stephen Hawking walk into a bar...

Just kidding. None of those things walk.

Touring Stephen King's writing studio

Stephen King is showing a group of students around his writing studio, chaperoned by their aging English teacher. The students are clearly amazed with the items he has on display.

King leans over the desk to pick up a jar to show the children.

“I’m often asked,’ he says with words thi...

Stephen Hawking

If Stephen hawking started a company, What would his position in the company be?



The Chairman

Stephen Hawking diagnosed with erectile dysfunction.

It was easy to fix, they just uninstalled his pop-up blocker.

Stephen Hawkins went on a date, he returned home upset and hurt.

She stood him up.

Why can't you own just one Stephen King novel?

Because 'Misery' loves company.

What were Stephen Hawking's last words?

Ctrl + Alt + Del

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie?

Stephen Hawking doesn't walkie or talkie.

Why is Stephen Hawking successful?

He can't run away from his responsibilities.

Did you hear about Stephen Hawking?

His computer suffered a fatal error.

Why does Stephen Hawking date African Americans?

Because he loves to study black holes.

Billy Graham and Stephen Hawking meet each other in the afterlife.

That was Amazing! Billy says to Stephen.
It sure was, let's do that again! Only this time I get to be the bad cop.

Stephen Hawking was quite persistant in his older age

He never walked away from a challange

Stephen King didn't like my Halloween costume.

I dressed like a clown but he said I was doing it wrong

Stephen Fry broke a world record when he read the entire Harry Potter series live on BBC Radio 4.

Listeners were disappointed that he didn't read it out loud...

The guy that polishes my shoes doesn't enjoy Stephen King's books.

But he's always loved The Shining

Have you seen Stephen Hawking's new communication device?

It really speaks for itself.

Stephen Hawking's favorite Migos song is Walk it Like I Talk It

He couldn't do either

Self confidence boost didn't quite work so well

So me and my dad were talking about my school and he said:

"You're good at school but bad with self-confidence."

Me: "ok"

Dad: "Wayne Rooney was good at football (soccer for the Americans, I'm English) but bad at school

Stephen hawkings was good at being an astronomer bu...

Lately I've noticed a strange fascination shared by everybody that comes over to my house. They can't seem to get enough of this one Stephen King book I have on my shelf.

I guess it's true what they say; company loves Misery.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tried kidnapping Stephen Hawking the other day...

Had the blindfold the bastard so he'd stop yelling for help.

Stephen Hawking...

It's a shame Stephen Hawking died. He could pursue a career in comedy. Too bad he can't do stand-ups!

I watched a silent film version of Stephen Kings "it" the other day.

It was Shh-it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Stephen Hawking, given his physical ailments, were to develop a machine to help him masturbate...

Would it be a *stroke of genius*?

Stephen Hawking is a very paranoid man

He's always looking over his shoulder.

Steven: Good evening.

Stephen: Good ephening.


^^^bye

The other day I decided to buy a Ouija board, so I could get in touch with deceased celebrities that havent crossed over yet,

The only celebrity I could get in touch with was Stephen Hawking.

I asked him a few questions including why he was a ghost and not gone to the after life yet.

Turns out Led Zeppelin was right all along,

there is a stairway to heaven.

Why did Stephen Hawking get deferred from the cryogenics lab?

Because the doctors knew you shouldn't freeze vegetables.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They asked Stephen King to write a horror story about a gorilla...

He told his publishers that he wanted to write it under his *nom de plume* "Richard Bachman." The problem, he said, was that he'd already written "The Monkey" under his own name. He didn't want people to think this new story was a sequel, or derivative in some way. Legally, since he'd sold the ri...

TIL Stephen Hawking is British

Never realized because of his accent.

Stephen Curry the dog

A man walks into a pet shelter, looking for a dog


he asks the worker for an interesting dog

"well, we have this attack dog owned by Stephen Curry, who named him after himself.

Watch this: Stephen Curry! The rag!"

The dog ripped apart the rag he was holding

"St...

Did you know that Stephen Hawking wrote a cookbook?

It's called A Brief History of Thyme.

My buddy doesn’t curse....

Stephen: “Son of a biscuit!”

Me: “I didn’t know biscuits had children.”

Stephen: “Sometimes I guess.”

Me: “How does that work?”

Stephen: “They’re bread.”

How do we know it’s Stephen Hawking talking and not just the black box?

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