If Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani, Bill Barr, Stephen Miller, and Jared Kushner we're on Air Force One together and the plane were to suddenly crash, who would survive?

The United States of America.

Did you know that Stephen King has a son named Joe?

I'm not joking, but he is

I always find the plots of Stephen King novels easy to follow.

There’s always a Maine character.

Not only was Stephen Hawking a great physicist, he was also a great comedian.

Sadly, his stand-up wasn’t very good.

Stephen Hawkings' last paper on space is finally going to published posthumously...

It's about time too.

Doctor: Mr. Stephens,I'm sorry to inform you that you have a rare disease.

Mr. Stephens: How rare?

Doctor: Would you prefer Stephens Disease or Greg Stephen's Disease for the name?

Earlier I saw someone throwing Stephen King books at people. I asked why they were doing that...

Then IT hit me.

Tom Hanks was recently quoted talking about how much he disliked one of Stephen King's novels.

T. Hanks: I hate It.

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar

Just kidding

I couldn’t follow the storyline of Stephen King’s “It”

Too many Maine characters.

What did Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashed?

Nothing.

What do Stephen Hawking and Tony Hawk have in common?

The both love ramps.

I hope Stephen Hawkins was an organ donor

I really need some parts for my go kart

It's a little-known fact that legendary stuntman Evel Kneivel had an IQ of 160, the same as genius professor Stephen Hawking.

Ironically, they also shared a love of ramps.

I could do some great stand up comedy about Stephen Hawking...

but then it wouldn’t be stand up comedy

My cousin always introduces himself as "Stephen with a P-H"

It's because he's slightly acidic

Hi Reddit! My name is Joseph, and I am the son of Stephen King. AMA!

I would post proof, but it's obvious that I'm Joe King.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A British man and an Australian man are walking thru London

They see a sign that reads 'one man, one vote'
The Australian says 'I don't understand'
The British guy says 'one man, one vote'
Australian 'yeah, I don't understand'
British guy 'one man has one vote'
Australian 'I don't get it'
British 'one fucking man, one fucking vote'
Austr...

I wanted to buy a Stephen King book the other day, but I had to buy a second one to go with it

Misery loves company.

Why do fruit flies hate stephen hawking

He was a vegetable

My friend said we should tear down statues of Stephen Hawking

I didn’t know there were any statues of Stephen Hawking still standing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.

Then Stevie Wonder "says wait you can walk!" Then Hellen keller says "wait you can see!"
Then hitler says "wait you're still alive!"
And that's the story about how my bartender stopped doing drugs.

What's with all of the rude Stephen Hawking jokes??

The man can't even stand up for himself

What’s one job Stephen hawking would be no good at?

Stand up comedy.

2020 is like living in the Stephen King novels The Stand and The Dead Zone at the same time.

If clowns show up next, that’s IT I’m outta here!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stephen Hawkins dick joke

The smartest man in the world literally went onto a stage and said
I can now get erections, the doctors disabled my pop up blocker

I finally got around to reading that Stephen Hawking book!

It's about time!

Stephen Spielberg's Circumcision....

...the Directors Cut

Ordering at Starbucks. Employee: Your name please. Man: Stephen with a ph

Pheteven it is.

Why didn't Stephen hawking host a talk show?

because he can't do stand-up comedy

Husband: Honey,did Stephen King make you?

Wife: why?
Husband: cause you're shining.

Every time I read a Stephen King novel, I get really confused.

Too many Maine characters.

“There is no God” -Stephen Hawking, 2011

“There is no Stephen Hawking” -God, 2018

I knew a guy who used to get Tony Hawk and Stephen Hawking confused

Understandable, they both loved ramps.

Stephen Hawking went on a date the other day.

When he went back to his family, he had a dislocated shoulder, 2 broken ribs, and a popped kneecap. It was because she stood him up.

Even *Stephen* got *stoned*..

And he got to see the *Most High*

I was walking past a homeless man when he yelled, "Stephen King is my older brother and he stole the ideas for all his novels from me!"

I replied, "Surely you must be Joe."

Did you hear Stephen Miller's wife tested positive for COVID?

It turns out swallowing vampire is as dangerous as eating bat.

Why was Stephen Hawkins arrested when he was visiting Uganda?

Because he was looking for black holes.

Stephen King's Sons

When Stephen King’s twin sons were born, he had a hard time coming up with names for them. Finally, after several hours of thinking, he managed to pull a couple out of the air.

“I’ll name the first son Joseph, after my great-grandfather.”“Fine, and what about the other one?” His wife asked....

Stephen King is like, “I know a place”

and then everyone is like, “Maine, we KNOW.”

Unlike Stephen King's stories, there is nothing scary about his son

He's been Joe King ever since he was born

I've tried calling Stephen Hawking many times

I keep getting his answering machine

Why was Stephen Hawking always so quick with the one liners?

Well, he wasn't exactly gonna try stand-up, was he?

Neil DeGrasse Tyson, Stephen Hawking, and Bill Nye walk into a bar.

Neil and Bill look at Stephen Hawking and yell, "My God, Stephen, you're cured!"

Just became friends with one of Stephen King’s sons, Joe

I told a friend about it. They replied “You’re joking right?”

And I said, “No, but he is”

Before he died Stephen Hawking went on his first date for years

When he returned he'd broken his glasses, fractured his wrist and broken his knee.

Apparently she stood him up

I'm inviting everyone reading this, to join me in a session to think about Stephen King's iconic shape-shifting clown.

Come to think of it.

What is black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Stephen hawking during a house fire

Author Joe Hill didn't want anybody to know he was Stephen King's son because he was afraid he wouldn't be taken seriously.

Otherwise, he would be Joe King.

sarcastic jokes

* Stephen:- Knock knock !!
* Robert:- Who's there !!??
* Stephen:- Yah !!
* Robert:- Yah who !!??
* Stephen:- No I prefer Google !

First Stephen Hawking, now Avicii?

Tough year for the Electronic community.

Stephen Hawking was a master at the violin

He had an adept understanding of string theory

I don't know why my mom's throwing Stephen King's novels at me.

IT just hit me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How does Stephen Hawking have sex?

Enter, backspace, enter, backspace, enter, backspace...

What do you call a handjob from Stephen Hawking?

A stroke of genius.

Did Stephen Hawking have a donor card?

. .Cos I really need bits for my kids go-kart

The Baldwins are on a family holiday in Mississippi when Stephen catches Alec down by the lake, EATING his wife!

He screams in horror as Alec escapes into the lake leaving a bloody trail behind him. The other Baldwin brothers hear the commotion and sprint to the scene.

As they arrive they discover the body of Alec's dead wife, covered in bite marks and with chunks of flesh missing from her limbs.
<...

Why did Stephen Hawking only eat meat?

Because eating vegetables would be cannibalism.

Stephen kings writing style is...

Novel.

What was Stephen Hawkins Last Words?

Shutting down.

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he’s hooked up to?

The computer runs.

A fish, a snake, and Stephen Hawking walk into a bar...

Just kidding. None of those things walk.

Why is Stephen Hawking successful?

He can't run away from his responsibilities.

I'll bet that Bret Stephens has a new Twitter account under a different name.

A bed bug typically lives undercover.

So I heard the new Iphone is gonna have that new Stephen King movie preloaded onto it.

Yeah. X is gonna give IT to ya.

Do you know what Miles Davis is called in Europe?

1.60934 Kilometers Davis



joke courtesy of Stephen Wright

School report.

My teacher gave us an assignment to tell her our idols and then say what we would do if they walked in our house. I got off easy because I said Stephen Hawking.

What if Stephen Colbert got involved in a scandal?

It would be called Colgate.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tried kidnapping Stephen Hawking the other day...

Had the blindfold the bastard so he'd stop yelling for help.

Stephen Hawking diagnosed with erectile dysfunction.

It was easy to fix, they just uninstalled his pop-up blocker.

An airplane was about to crash..

There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.
The 1st passenger said “I am Stephen Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can’t afford to die.” So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.

The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said...

Whats Stephen Hawking’s least favorite song?

Stairway to Heaven

My friend asked me if I read any of Stephen King's books

I said I reddit

Stephen Hawking

If Stephen hawking started a company, What would his position in the company be?



The Chairman

How did Stephen Hawking die?

He accidentally hit alt+f4

Tina Turner was asked to invest in a rom-com reboot of Stephen King's clown movie

She asked, "what's love got to do with *It*?"

What if Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady

but you would never know because he can't stand up?

My friend said they'd finally read Stephen Hawking's book.

I said, "It's about time."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend likes it when I dress up as scary clown when we have sex

I think she has a Stephen Kink.

I placed an order to pick up some food for dinner.

The person taking my order asked for a name and number. I said, “Stephen... and let’s go with 7”.

Touring Stephen King's writing studio

Stephen King is showing a group of students around his writing studio, chaperoned by their aging English teacher. The students are clearly amazed with the items he has on display.

King leans over the desk to pick up a jar to show the children.

“I’m often asked,’ he says with words thi...

Lately I've noticed a strange fascination shared by everybody that comes over to my house. They can't seem to get enough of this one Stephen King book I have on my shelf.

I guess it's true what they say; company loves Misery.

If you thought Stephen Strange couldn't be Sorcerer Supreme...

...you'd be Wong.

What were Stephen Hawking's last words?

Ctrl + Alt + Del

Stephen Hawking is a very paranoid man

He's always looking over his shoulder.

Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell?

Because it's a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Stephen Hawking, given his physical ailments, were to develop a machine to help him masturbate...

Would it be a *stroke of genius*?

Sometimes I feel like Stephen Hawking in the morning

Because I can't get out of bed.

The guy that polishes my shoes doesn't enjoy Stephen King's books.

But he's always loved The Shining

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