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William Jokes

My friend William recently broke his legs and is now in a wheelchair

We call him Wheeliam now

What do you call a committee made up entirely of people named William?

A Billboard.

I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot

Now I can’t tell if it’s 2B or not 2B

Venus Williams and Bruno Mars were sitting at a bar talking about where they were from.



The bartender said, "Hey - you two should write a book!"

Did you know that William Shatner once tried to start up his own line of lingerie for women?

Unfortunately for him, Shatner Panties was a terrible brand name.

This is for Robin Williams

A man goes to see a doctor. Doctor asks what seems to be the trouble. The man says, "Doc, I'm depressed. Simply, I can't sleep sometimes, I can't eat, I feel down and irritable most days. I just can't feel 'happy.'"

The Doctor says, "I've got the perfect fix for you. In town tonight is the g...

Many people are surprised by the engagement of Serena Williams and Alexis Ohanian, but not me.

If I founded reddit I'd be searching for better servers too.

William Shakespeare was married to a woman called Anne…

Anne hath a Will, Anne Hathaway.

My wife and I are both unemployed. My mum died in a car crash. We have three children and we're all staying in my grandma's place, and my grandma died this week. My dad has to work at 73. I'll do any job to take care of my family. Please share.

Sincerely,

William, Prince of Wales

William Shatner, alias Captain Kirk, has discontinued his ladies underwear line...

In hindsight "Shatner Panties" wasn't a good choice of name in the first place.

What is the difference between a baseball and Prince William?

One is thrown to the air.
The other is heir to the throne.

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William and Shakespeare...

Were traveling together and came across a small village. Both being poets, the crowd of people wanted to know whom was the best poet and conducted a contest amongst William and Shakespeare. Shakespeare, with smugness, decided to go first. The mayor gave Shakespeare the word, "Timbuktu" to come up wi...

A lawyer’s wife died. At her grave, everyone was appalled.

The tombstone read, “HERE LIES PHYLLIS, WIFE OF ATTORNEY MURRAY WILLIAMS; SPECIALIZES IN DIVORCE AND MALPRACTICE”.

Murray burst into tears. His brother said, “You SHOULD cry, pulling a cheap publicity stunt like this.”

Murray said, “You don’t understand. I gave them my business card.”<...

William Shatner

Did y’all hear about William Shatner’s failed business idea for women’s lingerie store?

Apparently, “Shatner Panties”, was not the best name for the store.

I went to the bookstore and asked the employee, “Do you have any books written by Shakespeare?”

He said, “Of course. Which one?”

I said, “William.”

William of England

William of England was visiting France with several of his friends. During his trip, however, he fell deathly ill. His last wish was to see the king of France before he died, and his friends decided to do their best to make it happen. They raced across the country, carrying their dying friend, and a...

What is William Shatner's favorite film festival?

*CAAAAAAAAANNES!!!* ^^^^^^imsosorry

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Poor poor William

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved three-year-old grandson.

It’s obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits … you name it.

Meanwhile, Grandpa is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, “Ea...

William Shakespeare came to get vaccinated.

Nurse: Which arm?

Shakespeare: As You Like It

Nurse: Was that painful?

Shakespeare: Much Ado About Nothing

Nurse: You will have to have a second jab.

Shakespeare: Measure For Measure

Nurse: So what do you think of the general awareness with regard to Covi...

Graham Williams

Graham Williams is in Hospital
Who the hell is GRAHAM WILLIAMS ? I hear you ask.
Well Graham is the bloke who got home late one night and Helen his wife, says.
"Where the hell have you been?"
Graham replies.
"I was in town,,,, getting a tattoo!"
"A tattoo?" She frowned. "What ki...

People say to me Jesus was not Jewish

## I say ofcourse he was Jewish

+ 30 years old, Single, Living at home with his parents
+ Working in his father's business
+ His mother thought he was God's gift

## He's Jewish. Give it up

****
_by Robin Williams_

Happy Birthday Robin!

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What did William Shakespeare write in 1598?

95% of the jokes on this fucking sub

Williams College and Amherst College have a long-standing rivalry.

One night, the Amherst students decide to raid the Williams football field and spray paint an A for Amherst smack dab in the middle of the field. They sneak out under the cover of the dark, and when the Williams students wake up the next morning, they see the massive A on their field. Naturally, the...

Robin Williams

Without a doubt, my favorite Robin Williams movie is Mrs. Fire.

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A pregnant woman boards a bus. After taking a seat, she notices a man smiling at her. She feels self-conscious and changes her seat, but he seems even more amused. She moves a third time, and he starts to giggle. On her fourth move, he bursts out laughing.

They both get off the bus at the next stop. The pregnant woman is furious and demands an explanation. "What exactly is so damn funny?" "I'm sorry, ma'am," replies the giggling man. "But I couldn't help noticing you're pregnant, and when you first sat down, you sat under an advertisement which read '...

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William Shakespeare, Herman Melville, and a Redditor all meet up in heaven one day

Eventually, the conversation turns to the impact their literature had on the world.

Herman Melville starts boasting. He says “I wrote 15 books, and my book “Moby Dick” is still studied in schools and famous to this day”.

William Shakespeare interjects: “That’s nothing! Why, I wrote 192...

The past tense of William Shakespeare

Wouldiwas Shookspeared.

Little known fact about William Tell

We all know William Tell for his archery skills, but did you know he was also an avid bowler? His whole family bowled actually, and there was even a league in his area. At the time Joining a team was a difficult , daunting task, but by some fortune he and several relatives made the same team. Unfort...

Two other guys pulled out from going on space flight tomorrow with William Shatner

Right after they were issued red shirts for the mission.

William Shakespeare died before completing the final act of his last play.

It was a real tragedy.

William Buckfield once said,

"Change cannot be given to you every time. You must bring the change"

&nbsp;

Oh, BTW William Buckfield is our grocery store cashier.

A rowdy William Shakespeare walks in to a pub

The landlord says "Oi, you're Bard!"

Why did they execute William Wallace?

They couldn't let him go Scot free.

A Star Trek fan meets William Shatner.

"Wow. I can't believe I'm meeting you at Comic Corn."

"Actually, it's called Comic Con"

"Com?"

"Con."

"Cold?"

"Com!

"Cookie?"

"CONNNNNNNN!"

A man walked into a bookshop and said: I'd like to buy a book by Shakespeare

'Of course' replied the sales assistant 'Any particular one?'

'William, of course' replies the man.

What size drum sticks does William Shakespeare use?

2B, or not 2B.

Just read that actor Maria Mercedes broke off her engagement to William Shatner.

She realized she'd be known as Maria Shatner Mercedes.

What is Serena Williams’ favorite number?

Ten is.

Did you hear that William Shatner’s lingerie company went out of business?

Turns out no one wanted to buy underwear from a place called Shatner Panties

Jeff Goldblum, William Shatner, and Christopher Walken walk into a bar...

*dramatic pause*

Robin Williams, circa 1980

First cannibal complains, "I hate my mother-in-Law."

Second cannibal replies, "Ehh. Just eat the noodles."

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My name is William and I trim men's pubes for a living...

...They call me Groundskeeper Willy

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It's no surprise that the Williams sisters...

It's no surprise that the Williams sisters always win at tennis.

Black people have centuries of experience serving.

And appearing at the courts, for that matter.

Did you know Steven Spielberg and John Williams play basketball together?

He shoots, he scores!

Did you hear the joke William Barr told Congress?

It was really funny. He said >![This section of the joke has been removed to protect the reputation of third party individuals.]!< It was really one of the better jokes he had told.

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Jessy and Tom invite their best friend William for dinner

Tom goes to the toilet and Jessy is left alone for a moment with William. She grabs his balls and whispers in his ear: "I'm making some extra money by selling topsex, $100 for an hour, I'm worth it. Come to me tomorrow at 3pm, don't tell Tom anything.".

Next day, William shows up at 3 o'clock...

Apparently, they once sat William Shakespeare in front of an infinite number of typewriters.

After a week, he had written "ooh aahh ooh ooh"

I have invented microscopic robots that can form the face of Robin Williams.

I call them "nanu-nanubots."

Donald Trump, Mike Pence, and William Barr are in a plane crash. Who is saved?





The American People

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quick story.. of a joke

I (Richard)was out visiting a friend from the Military, we had been very close and out for a long time, but still very close friends. While I was at his house with him and his wife, she said the following. " Some people and I were talking about nicknames and that some of them don't really make sens...

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You all know how you get Bill from William and Bob from Robert but how do you get Dick from Richard?

Ask him nicely

What is Bill Nye's real name?

William New Year's Eve

William joined the army...

He rather disliked the phrase "fire at will."

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What's the difference between Serena Williams and a shady Five Guys?

One serves you tennis balls and the other serves you ten-ish balls

William Shakespeare is Meeting Felipe III, the Spanish king at the time...

And after a great first meeting, he finds themselves becoming fast friends. However, he is unsure how now to address his new friend. By his first name? By his title? With deference or informally?
He struggles and struggles.
Finally, after a long sleepless night, he begins to think a quick and ...

I like my coffee like Serena Williams:

Black & bitter.

So Harold said to William,

I used to be a King like you, but then I took an arrow to the eye.

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One Saturday night, John and William conspired to steal a crate of rolls from the baker

As they wondered where to take their stolen loot, John suggested the cemetery, as no clear headed person would dare to take a Saturday night stroll among the graves.

Upon arriving at this questionable hangout, the gate proved to be quite a cumbersome obstacle to overcome. In the mad scramble ...

How does Robin Williams go thrift shopping?

Good Will Hunting

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Theodore Roosevelt and William McKinley were walking down Pennsylvania Avenue

Theodore Roosevelt and William McKinley were walking down Pennsylvania Avenue. As they passed the intersection with 15th street NW, they came across a man dressed as a massive phallus smoking a cigarette.

Roosevelt, being opposed to the use of tobacco products, stopped the man and said "Son, ...

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Somebody once told me a story…

…and today I’d like to share it with you:

Once upon a time, there was a farmer in Scotland. His name was William McKellen.

William had a faithful horse, named Star. She was his best friend out there in the Highlands.

Every morning, the two would go out to the grass fields. Far...

Serena Williams was fined $17k

Verbal abuse of the umpire: $10,000

Being warned for coaching: $4,000

Breaking her racket: $3,000

Stealing the moment from Osaka by calling the umpire a thief: Priceless

Why did Prince William lose his cool?

He wasn't properly heir conditioned.

William Shakespeare did not pioneer the modern form of a play

While the format of act 1, then a break, then act 2 was used by Shakespeare it originally came from Spain.

It was initially unpopular in Spain as people were confused by the break in the play as no one expects the *Spanish intermission*.

William Shakespeare once manned the welcome desk at a popular hotel

One day an elderly man walked up to the desk and asked for a room.


Shakespeare quickly found a room available on the second floor and asked him if this is the room he wished to book. The forgetful, ancient individual stared at Shakespeare for several uncomfortable seconds.

"I'm so...

Please use William Shatner in a sentence...

"Becky took Williams toy, so William Shatner lunch pail."

Prince William and the Archbishop of Canterbury are playing checkers...

William makes his move, when over the radio they hear that the Queen has died. The Archbishop says to William "I'm so sorry for your loss." to which William says "King me."

What did William Shakespeare say regarding atomic orbitals?

"2p or not 2p, that is the question."

Why isn't there ever anyone named William working at a querry?

It takes more than Will-power to move a boulder

Lord Williams turns to his butler

Lord Williams turns to his butler: "Jones, please prepare my black suit and binoculars. I'm going to a funeral."

"But why do you need binoculars?" Asks Jones

"My distant relative has died." Says Lord Williams

Why wouldn't Dolores let William eat the corn?

Because the maize isn't meant for him.

William Howard Taft was so fat...

...he sat in TWO branches of the federal government.

Got my friend William to petal a bike connected to my TV.

You could say it runs on Will power.

I called Serena Williams. I said, “Serena, what’s your favorite planet?”

She said, “It’s Venus.”

Me: I’m sorry Venus. Could you put Serena on the phone?

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William Shakespeare once said "Better Three Hours Too Soon Than a Minute Too Late"

My wife disagrees.

It's really put a strain on our sex life.

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Venus Williams has blamed her first round exit at Wimbledon to the balls not bouncing correctly.

Venus Williams has blamed her first round exit at Wimbledon to the balls not bouncing correctly.

May I suggest for her to try some better fitting underwear?

William Shatner is going to sponsor a new line of women's jeans made to hide adult diapers underneath.

They're going to be called Shatner Pants.

On the bus

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. He seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the ...

Robbin Williams was on a talk show in Germany

They asked him, “Why do you think comedy is not big in Germany?”

“Did you ever think you killed all the funny people?”

“No.”

One day, farmer Williams was in town

picking up supplies for his farm. He stopped by the hardware store and picked up a bucket and an anvil. Then, he stopped by the livestock dealer to buy a couple of chickens and a goose.
However, he now had a problem, how to carry all of his purchases home?

The livestock dealer said: "Why d...

Why did the founder of Reddit, Alexis Ohanian, get married to the tennis superstar Serena Williams?

Redditors are always looking for better servers.

Serena Williams' nickname should be...

Tennessee Williams

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Is it too soon for a Robin Williams Joke?

It's been a few weeks, so I think the waters are safe for this joke I told my cousin:


David Carradine and Robin Williams are in heaven, Carradine looks at Williams and says, "what do you mean you weren't jerking off?"

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Kylie Minogue, Elton John and Robbie Williams are walking along the street.

Kylie trips, jamming her head in some railings. Robbie, quick as a flash, pulls down her knickers and fucks her ball-deep senseless. He turns to Elton and says, "your turn!" but Elton starts to cry. "What's wrong, Elton?" asks Robbie. Elton sobs, "My head won't fit through the railings!"

Prince Harry goes up to William at the wedding and says “Have you seen Dad”?

William replies “He wasn’t invited mate, but mines over there dancing with Camilla”.

Robin Williams joke from Bicentennial Man

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."

My favorite Robin Williams joke

U2 is playing a concert in Scotland, and as a hush comes over the crowd, Bono starts clapping his hands above his head very slowly.

As he claps, he tells the crowd, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies." And a man stands up in the back of the room, and shouts "Then stop clappi...

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