Without a doubt, my favorite Robin Williams movie is Mrs Fire.

Without a doubt.

Why did William Shakespeare only write in quill?

Because pencils confused him - 2B or not 2B

A Star Trek fan meets William Shatner.

"Wow. I can't believe I'm meeting you at Comic Corn."

"Actually, it's called Comic Con"

"Com?"

"Con."

"Cold?"

"Com!

"Cookie?"

"CONNNNNNNN!"

Why did they execute William Wallace?

They couldn't let him go Scot free.

William Buckfield once said,

"Change cannot be given to you every time. You must bring the change"

 

Oh, BTW William Buckfield is our grocery store cashier.

The past tense of William Shakespeare

Wouldiwas Shookspeared.

Robin Williams, circa 1980

First cannibal complains, "I hate my mother-in-Law."

Second cannibal replies, "Ehh. Just eat the noodles."

William Shakespeare is Meeting Felipe III, the Spanish king at the time...

And after a great first meeting, he finds themselves becoming fast friends. However, he is unsure how now to address his new friend. By his first name? By his title? With deference or informally?
He struggles and struggles.
Finally, after a long sleepless night, he begins to think a quick and ...

William Shakespeare takes a potion and is propelled into the modern age.

Smart as ever, he rapidly learns the global situation in politics and entertainment and even becomes highly Internet literate.
He discovers that a famous actress has been named after his wife Anne Hathaway. He decides she is extremely beautiful but wants to meet her in person to determine if s...

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A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson.

He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, all sorts of things. The grandad is saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long . . . easy boy."

Another outburst and she hears the grandad calmly say: "It's okay William. Just a couple more minutes and ...

Father William, the old priest, made it a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names.

Father William jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states. One lad raised his hand and said, Yes sir, but in those days there were only 13 states.

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Did you hear Attorney General William Barr is secretly gay?

A Barr walks into a guy...

William Shatner has discontinued his line of women's clothing.

Apparently, Shatner panties just didn't sell that well.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked…

'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'

She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a...

I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot

Now I can’t tell if it’s 2B or not 2B

A Person walks into a bookstore and says "Can I have a book by Shakespeare?" The bookkeeper replies, "Of Course sir, which one?"

William.

Did you hear the joke William Barr told Congress?

It was really funny. He said >![This section of the joke has been removed to protect the reputation of third party individuals.]!< It was really one of the better jokes he had told.

Many people are surprised by the engagement of Serena Williams and Alexis Ohanian, but not me.

If I founded reddit I'd be searching for better servers too.

Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams and Bruno Mars Walk into a bar.

But they didn't planet that way.

You know, I understand how you get “Will” or even “Bill” out of William, but how the heck do you get “Dick” from Richard?

You ask him nicely.

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William Barr's summary of Dickens' Great Expectations

"It was the best of times"

A German talk show host once asked Robin Williams why he thought there wasn't much comedy in Germany

"Did you ever think you killed all the funny people?" he replied.

"No."

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Theodore Roosevelt and William McKinley were walking down Pennsylvania Avenue

Theodore Roosevelt and William McKinley were walking down Pennsylvania Avenue. As they passed the intersection with 15th street NW, they came across a man dressed as a massive phallus smoking a cigarette.

Roosevelt, being opposed to the use of tobacco products, stopped the man and said "Son, ...

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Kylie Minogue, Elton John and Robbie Williams are walking along the street.

Kylie trips, jamming her head in some railings. Robbie, quick as a flash, pulls down her knickers and fucks her ball-deep senseless. He turns to Elton and says, "your turn!" but Elton starts to cry. "What's wrong, Elton?" asks Robbie. Elton sobs, "My head won't fit through the railings!"

Did you know that William Shakespeare died on the same day he was born?

He must have been a fast writer!

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William Shakespeare once said "Better Three Hours Too Soon Than a Minute Too Late"

My wife disagrees.

It's really put a strain on our sex life.

I like my coffee like Serena Williams:

Black & bitter.

William Shatner, alias Captain Kirk, has discontinued his ladies underwear line...

In hindsight "Shatner Panties" wasn't a good choice of name in the first place.

I called Serena Williams. I said, “Serena, what’s your favorite planet?”

She said, “It’s Venus.”

Me: I’m sorry Venus. Could you put Serena on the phone?

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William

What did William Shakespeare write in 1599?

95% of the jokes on this fucking website.

William Shakespeare did not pioneer the modern form of a play

While the format of act 1, then a break, then act 2 was used by Shakespeare it originally came from Spain.

It was initially unpopular in Spain as people were confused by the break in the play as no one expects the *Spanish intermission*.

Lord Williams turns to his butler

Lord Williams turns to his butler: "Jones, please prepare my black suit and binoculars. I'm going to a funeral."

"But why do you need binoculars?" Asks Jones

"My distant relative has died." Says Lord Williams

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A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus

A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. When she

noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on

account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She

moved again and then on her fourth move he burst out laughing. S...

Prince Harry and William must feel so awkward in a strip club

Imagine having to put pictures of your gran into a stripper's bra

This is for Robin Williams

A man goes to see a doctor. Doctor asks what seems to be the trouble. The man says, "Doc, I'm depressed. Simply, I can't sleep sometimes, I can't eat, I feel down and irritable most days. I just can't feel 'happy.'"

The Doctor says, "I've got the perfect fix for you. In town tonight is the g...

Why was William always on a diet?

Because when there’s a will, there’s a weigh.

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A fella working at a Sherwin-Williams store has a particularly challenging customer one day.

It's a Saturday morning, so the shop is pretty busy; there's quite the line of people needing paint mixed up. This lady's completely out of place; dressed to the nines, talk-to-the-manager haircut, the works. She hands our man Joe a tiny paint chip and says, "I need this exact color. It has to be pe...

Serena Williams was fined $17k

Verbal abuse of the umpire: $10,000

Being warned for coaching: $4,000

Breaking her racket: $3,000

Stealing the moment from Osaka by calling the umpire a thief: Priceless

It has been said that a million monkeys hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type complete works of William Shakespeare.....

With the advent of internet, now we know that is not true!

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.

He seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.The case came up in court. The Judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.The man replied..."Well your Honor, it was like this: When the l...

Why isn't there ever anyone named William working at a querry?

It takes more than Will-power to move a boulder

I sat next to a insurance women through a robbie williams concert

And through it all she offered me protection

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I was at the deli counter behind another dad and his son the other day.

I was at the deli counter behind another dad and his son the other day. He has his hands full - the kid was screaming for candy, cookies... all sorts of things. The dad kept saying in a controlled voice: “Easy, William, this won’t take long. Just chill out.”

He had another outburst in the cer...

Got my friend William to petal a bike connected to my TV.

You could say it runs on Will power.

Prince Harry goes up to William at the wedding and says “Have you seen Dad”?

William replies “He wasn’t invited mate, but mines over there dancing with Camilla”.

William Hated His Time in the Army

He was always worried for his life when they yelled “Fire at Will!”

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William Shakespeare, Herman Melville, and a Redditor all meet up in heaven one day

Eventually, the conversation turns to the impact their literature had on the world.

Herman Melville starts boasting. He says “I wrote 15 books, and my book “Moby Dick” is still studied in schools and famous to this day”.

William Shakespeare interjects: “That’s nothing! Why, I wrote 192...

I don't want to say video games cause violence...

...but after a month of playing Pong, I beat Rafael Nadal in a best of five match and might be Venus Williams' new baby daddy.

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It's no surprise that the Williams sisters...

It's no surprise that the Williams sisters always win at tennis.

Black people have centuries of experience serving.

And appearing at the courts, for that matter.

Devin Nunes passed a bill in the House of Representatives today.

The hard part was swallowing William earlier in the day.

My friends and I are all dressing as different Robin Williams characters at a Comic Con this weekend...

We're the Suicide Squad!

Where does William Tell take his garbage?

To the dump to the dump to the dump^dump^dump

William Shakespeare once manned the welcome desk at a popular hotel

One day an elderly man walked up to the desk and asked for a room.


Shakespeare quickly found a room available on the second floor and asked him if this is the room he wished to book. The forgetful, ancient individual stared at Shakespeare for several uncomfortable seconds.

"I'm so...

I always clap along to Pharrell Williams' song "Happy"

Because just like a room without a roof, I feel utterly and completely useless

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The county's eldest man had just turn a 100 years old and local tv was reporting on the event...

The reporter had her crew set up in the living room of the retirement home where the man, born in 1919, was watching days pass by.

She sat on a chair in front of him, ready to start taping the feel-good segment of the night's local news.

"I'm with mister James Woodson, our county's eld...

It's a little known fact that William Shakespeare and Lord Byron died on the same day.

When they met Saint Peter at the pearly gates, he said, "We are honored to receive two incredibly distinguished poets on the same day! Unfortunately we don't have room for both of you to enter today, so we're going to have to have a little contest. I'm going to say a word, and both of you have to ma...

Prince William and the Archbishop of Canterbury are playing checkers...

William makes his move, when over the radio they hear that the Queen has died. The Archbishop says to William "I'm so sorry for your loss." to which William says "King me."

On the anniversary of William Shakespeare's death . . .

I leave to you my second best joke.

One day, farmer Williams was in town

picking up supplies for his farm. He stopped by the hardware store and picked up a bucket and an anvil. Then, he stopped by the livestock dealer to buy a couple of chickens and a goose.
However, he now had a problem, how to carry all of his purchases home?

The livestock dealer said: "Why d...

How does Robin Williams go thrift shopping?

Good Will Hunting

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Little Johnny's Shakespeare assignment

So there's an English class, and each kid has to memorize a stanza of Shakespeare. Johnny's stanza reads as follows:

Hark! I think I heard a pistol shot.

Yonder lies a fair maiden with hope in her soul.

I think I'll snatch a kiss and sneak off into the woods.

By William S...

What do you call William the Conqueror's armorer?

Norman Mailer.

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It must be very confusing to have sex with William Shatner. You never know if he loves it or hates it.

No, don't, stop.

If Katt Williams had a nickel for every time he's been arrested...

He'd put them in a sock and beat someone with it.

The Baldwins are on a family holiday in Mississippi when Stephen catches Alec down by the lake, EATING his wife!

He screams in horror as Alec escapes into the lake leaving a bloody trail behind him. The other Baldwin brothers hear the commotion and sprint to the scene.

As they arrive they discover the body of Alec's dead wife, covered in bite marks and with chunks of flesh missing from her limbs.
<...

A man walks into a bar

The man, named Robert Mueller, scowls and asks, "Why the hell do you keep getting in my way, William?"

What kind of spirits haunt an abandoned Benjamin Moore or Sherwin Williams?

Mineral spirits

Please use William Shatner in a sentence...

"Becky took Williams toy, so William Shatner lunch pail."

A pastor and and an airline pilot meet St Nick at the Gates to Heaven. The airline pilot is first to approach the saint

Peter: Name and profession please

Pilot: John Williams, Ryanair pilot.

Peter: *riffles through a massive book* John Williams...John Williams... umm... ah yes!

Peter: clicks his fingers and a beautiful silk robe and ornate golden staff appear out of thin air.

Peter: please...

People say to me Jesus was not Jewish

## I say ofcourse he was Jewish

+ 30 years old, Single, Living at home with his parents
+ Working in his father's business
+ His mother thought he was God's gift

## He's Jewish. Give it up

****
_by Robin Williams_

Happy Birthday Robin!

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Venus Williams has blamed her first round exit at Wimbledon to the balls not bouncing correctly.

Venus Williams has blamed her first round exit at Wimbledon to the balls not bouncing correctly.

May I suggest for her to try some better fitting underwear?

What did Prince William's left leg say to his right leg?

meet you at the royal ball.

Why wouldn't Dolores let William eat the corn?

Because the maize isn't meant for him.

Why did Prince William lose his cool?

He wasn't properly heir conditioned.

What did William Shakespeare say regarding atomic orbitals?

"2p or not 2p, that is the question."

What do you call Venus Williams' collection of Pokemon?

The 'mons of Venus.

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Is it too soon for a Robin Williams Joke?

It's been a few weeks, so I think the waters are safe for this joke I told my cousin:


David Carradine and Robin Williams are in heaven, Carradine looks at Williams and says, "what do you mean you weren't jerking off?"

TIL 19th century philosopher William Jacob Walsh once predicted a more sophisticated information public information network may result in less objective and reliable information being distributed, rather than the reverse

Of course, this will really only be funny if this joke makes the front page and people don't immediately realise I posted this on r/jokes and made up William Jacob Walsh

How the Internet started according to the bible.

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy. And Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto...

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Jessy and Tom invite their best friend William for dinner

Tom goes to the toilet and Jessy is left alone for a moment with William. She grabs his balls and whispers in his ear: "I'm making some extra money by selling topsex, $100 for an hour, I'm worth it. Come to me tomorrow at 3pm, don't tell Tom anything.".

Next day, William shows up at 3 o'clock...

William Shatner is going to sponsor a new line of women's jeans made to hide adult diapers underneath.

They're going to be called Shatner Pants.

My nude studies class

has a new male model called William Wallace. He is really well endowed. While sketching him I was just in awe of it ! So, I invited him to come home with me last night.



Basically just like his historical namesake, William Wallace was hung, drawn and quartered.

Robin Williams joke from Bicentennial Man

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."

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A man goes to the doctor. The doctor says : Mr Smith you have to stop masturbating. The man asks : why doctor ?

Because I’m trying to examine you.

Joke is from the late, great, Robin Williams.

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