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Ambassador Jokes

The US ambassador was meeting the North Korea ambassador.

During the meeting, wanting to impress the Korean, the American ambassador started boasting.

"Last week, I was in London. I met the Olympic 1000 metres gold medallist.

The previous week, I was in Brussels. I met the world's leading mathematician.

The week before, I was in Paris....

The Nigerian ambassador goes to visit the house of the ambassador of France

It's a huge and luxurious house with gardens, pools, greek statues and paintings.

The Nigerian ambassador wanders with the French ambassador after dining. The Nigerian ambassador then asks to the French ambassador how did he do to afford that house.
The French ambassador then tells him to ...

The French Ambassador was on a visit to the U.K.

During one stage of the visit, he was travelling in the Royal Carriage with Her Majesty the Queen.

Suddenly, one of the horses let out a tremendously loud and powerful fart.

"Oh dear, one can only apologise!" Said the Queen.

The French Ambassador was shocked. "I thought it was t...

An Indonesian ambassador and a Polish ambassador are meeting in America to discuss international relationships when the American embassy worker gets confused.

"Their country flags are so similar and confusing," the American embassy worker thought to himself, "How can I tell the Indonesian flag and the Polish flag apart?"

"Is the white strip located above the red stripe?" The embassy worker asked the ambassadors.

"Tak" replied the ambassadors...

Why dont ambassadors get sick?

Diplomatic immunity

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The Iranian Ambassador

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech and walked out into the lobby of the convention center where he was introduced to a U.S. Marine General.

As they talked the Iranian said, "I have just one question about what I have seen in America." The General said, "Well, a...

The Brazilian ambassador meets with Donald Trump

The Brazilian ambassador meets with Donald Trump, and offers him 50 Brazilian soldiers to help with the fight against terrorism. Trump says, “That’s fantastic!"

Later that day Trump calls his Chief of Staff and tells him about the offer of 50 Brazilian soldiers.

The Chief of Staff says...

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A joke that Abraham Lincoln told

I’ve never seen this joke here before, I read it in some biography long ago in my school days. This is a joke that actual President Lincoln told:

There was an American ambassador to England after the revolutionary war, and his bitter hosts wanted to antagonize him.

So they got a port...

Why did the ambassador have extra resistance to harmful foreign bacteria?

He had diplomatic immunity.

International Time Differences

One of the Russian Ambassadors comes to President Putin and tells him he'd like to resign.
"Why?" Putin asks him.
"Ah, Mr. President, I can't take these time differences! I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep, I last woke you up at 4 in the morning, but I thought it was only ...

What does the electronic music ambassador have in front of their house?

A Diplo-mat.

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The Ambassador to England

Just after the war of 1812, an ambassador to England from the United States had been dispatched in order to maintain the peace with the English. The diplomat was invited to a formal dinner with many important members of the English Government as they discussed peace talks and opening diplomacy.
...

Doubtful German police press release

In 2020, German police announced that they had to fire shots at people a total of 62 times throughout 2019.

However, the U.S. Ambassador to Germany doubted these figures, as he did not believe that there have been only two traffic stops in the entire year in the whole of Germany.

In the wake of Hurricane Dorian, President Trump names a new Disaster Assistance Ambassador to The Bahamas. "He's the best. He'll do a great job, believe me." the President said.

Ja Rule reportedly accepted the position via Twitter.

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UN embassy, Ambassador of Israel speaks:

- I want to start my speech with an excursion into history. Long ago, Moses led the Jews through the desert. It was hot, People were thirsty. Then Moses hit the staff on the ground, and a lake appeared.

 The jews drinked, and than Moses took off his clothes and went swimming. When he came out...

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Prime Minister's Wife Makes a Faux Pas

When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public life, the British ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor. At the dinner table, the Ambassador's wife was talking with Madame deGaulle: "Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and ...

The Queen gets older...

As she grew older, the Queen became rather flatulent. One day, she was receiving foreign ambassadors when she was unable to stop herself from loudly breaking wind. Immediately, the quick-witted French ambassador stepped forward, made an elegant bow and very gallantly said: “I beg Your Majesty’s apol...

The Alien Visitors

The Alien space craft landed and was met by dignitaries from all nations.

The Ambassador from another galaxy approached the podium and began his speech. He had an odd western accent to his voice as he said. "Humans of earth ; we have been monitoring your transmissions for some time, and some ...

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An Irishman, a English woman, and an American man are all at a meeting with ambassadors of the world, discussing world hunger

The ambassador from Germany welcomes everyone, and begins clapping his hands slowly. After about a minute he says, "every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

The American says, "our country would be willing to donate food and other supplies to Africa to help this issue."
The En...

After Israel threatened to take the Security Council vote as an act of war, the New Zealand Ambassador called Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu....

...Picking up the phone, he spoke "Hebrew."

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George Washington's portrait.

The American ambassador to England is attending a party thrown by an English noble. Feeling the call of nature, he asks the noble where the bathroom is; the noble snickers suspiciously and directs him down the hall. Upon entering the bathroom the ambassador sees a portrait of George Washington oppos...

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Zambian Roulette

As usual, things were not going well at the United Nations. Thus, many visiting ambassadors had to room together. It just so happend that Vladimir, the Russian Ambassador, and Umballa, the Zambian Ambassador, were sharing a suite.

To pass the time, Vladimir introduced his fellow dignitary to...

During WW1 Switzerland had 250 000 soldiers

The German Kaiser asked the Swiss ambassador in Berlin: "What would Switzerland do if I invaded with 500 000 soldiers?"

The ambassador replied: "Shoot twice and go home."

Trump has a change of heart and brings Hillary to his administration

As Ambassador to Libya

A cow will chew its food for up to 8 hours a day...

I found the next ambassador for Copenhagen.

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Charles de Gaulle's wife,...

Madame de Gaulle was said to have been lunching with the American ambassador at the time of her husband's retirement when she was asked what she was most looking forward to in the years ahead.

She thought for a moment before announcing boldly: "A penis". A startled hush fell over the table un...

The Swiss embassy has had it’s flag stolen.

Ambassadors are nonplussed.

Donald trump was spotted picking up rocks on the White House lawn...

He would walk a few feet, bend over and pick up a rock. His refusal to talk to anyone worried his aides, and they ran around trying to find out what was going on. The doctors couldn't make sense of it, the secret service didn't understand and even his most trusted advisors couldn't get through to hi...

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Hitler and Goebbels go out to lunch.

Hitler and Goebbels go out to lunch after watching the Japanese ambassador eat an entire octopus. Goebbels says to Hitler "What should we eat"? Hitler says "definitely not sea food".

African chief whose obsession was to conquer other chiefs and take their thrones as trophies

There was this African chief at the turn of the last century whose obsession was to conquer other chiefs and take their thrones as trophies. These thrones he would collect and display in the second level of his magnificent palace just above his own luxurious throne. This palace was renowned for its ...

Umgawala!

The British came to America wanting to colonize the land some years after it had been discovered by Colombus. With the help of a translator the british ambassador made a speech to the general populous telling them how amazing things would be under the British rule.
"We will make roads for you" he...

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A PETA activist visits a small ranch in Montana

After meeting the farmhands and inspecting the facilities, the activist asks the rancher:

“So, what do you give to the pigs to eat?”

“Well, pigs don’t need much to live. I give them scraps and food from the fridge that is almost spoilt, that sort of thing.”

“That’s a grave viola...

Eldarion, son of Aragorn, High King of the Reunited Kingdom, was bored.

In a time of peace, there was not much to do, and he was long tired of his jesters. So he called for all of his subordinates, and announced a new prestigious title to which all are given candidacy; the title of “Duke of the Best Joke”.

 

Not wanting to disappoint, Finance Mini...

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Al Capone summons a man he lent money to

Al Capone gets his thugs to bring a man to him who has stolen $50,000 from him. Unfortunately the man speaks a language Al Capone, nor his thugs understand so they have to get a translator.

Al Capone tells the translator, 'ask him where the money is'
'Where is the money' the translator say...

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Topical Jokes (5/16)

Another day has gone by. And, of course, we now have a new set of jokes. Some of these are weirder but let's begin!

Inside int'l experts believe that Kim Jong Un may have two babies by two different women. In a quick response to the rumor, President Obama has appointed a new consul to North K...

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