What do you call Bob Ross spinning around in circles at a theatre play?

Aphrodisiac

Bob Ross said "We don't make mistakes. We just have happy accidents."

So, either he lied and my parents made a mistake or I'm an accident.

What did Ross tell Rachel when their car accidentally hit a tree?

“I was on the brake!”

Did you hear the Bob Ross got a brazilian wax?

Got rid of that happy, little bush.

Dave and his Bob-Ross-Obsessed friend were playing chess.

Dave made a move, and immediately regretted it.

Dave went "whelp, that was a mistake."

His friend immediately shot back "It wasn't a mistake, just a happy accident."


Dave's brother in the next room over heard and replied, "Stop talking about me!"




(My best ...

If I had to wrestle Satan and was allowed to pick a partner, I’d pick Bob Ross

He always knew how to beat the devil.

What's the difference between a handsome man and Ross from friends searching for a melon?

One's a good looking fella and the other's a food looking Geller

Why is Ross from Friends always in the fountain in the intro?

Because he’s a Schwimmer

The U.K. police are looking for a robbery suspect that looks like “Ross” from Friends.

No one ever told him life was gonna be this way.

I named my kid Bob Ross

He was a happy little accident.

10 best one-liners from the 2019 Edinburgh fringe

**"I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have Florets".**

The gag won 41% of the vote.

## Best of the rest

Ten jokes made the 2019 shortlist. Here are the next nine:

* "Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they'r...

Happy little accident

Bob Ross would be a great mafia member because he’s just make everything look like a happy little accident

Ross witnesses Ted stealing a bunch of weed from his garage

Ross: Man, you’re really adickted.

What do you get when you cross Hank Hill with Bob Ross?

A Pro-painter.

What does Bob Ross's paintings and an orphanage have in common?

They're both full of happy little accidents

In the famous words of Bob Ross: There’s no such thing as mistakes, only happy little accidents...

Unless your “little accident” is diagnosed with chronic depression.

If I had a dollar for every time I had an existential crisis

Would it even matter?

Think Positive for 2018. Jonathan Ross was out walking when he was knocked to the ground by a giant dog which stood over him barking. He thought..

..it's good to have a woof over your head.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a Bob Ross porn parody?

The Joy Of Panting.

Binghamton University's Athletic Director compared the mens basketball team to a zoo. The Binghamton Zoo responded with the following letter:

I am tired of hearing that blight on Binghamton University, the men's basketball team, being referred to as a "zoo." The Binghamton Zoo at Ross Park has just received re-accreditation by the Association of Zoos and Aquariums, the industry's governing authority. We achieved this status by being in th...

Bob Ross and Mr. Rogers fight for nicest person ever. Who wins?

They both share the trophy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Immigrants are good cause they do jobs no American wants to do

Like fucking the president.



\-Jeff Ross

Traumatized son

A young boy, an only child no more than ten years old, wakes up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom.

As he is walking to the restroom, he opens his parents' bedroom door and sees them copulating quite vigorously. The boy screams in horror. The mom throws the dad off and attempts...

What did Jonathan Ross say after breaking in to a large kitchen to steal some utensils?

It was worth the whisk

Your mums so nice

Bob Ross gave up trying to out nice her

What did Bob Ross do after eating a fair of fickled feffers?

He fainted.

What do Rick Ross and a dominatrix have in common?

They're both interested in whips and chains.

Jonathon Ross at it again..

BBC News: Jonathan Ross has been caught stealing from the BBC Kitchen, here is an exclusive interview as he was being escorted out of the premises:

"Jonathon, why did you do it? you knew you could potentially lose your job."
"Well," He replied, "It was just the whisk I had to take"

Friends

Back in the '90s my then-wife and I used to watch the TV show Friends, and as people did we would compare ourselves to the characters in the show. I always said I was the Chandler of our group because I felt I was the sarcastic, funny one, and my then-wife would always come back with saying I was m...

How do you know if a fossil was afraid before it was petrified?

If it’s a Diana-Ross-osaur

The wise old fisherman.

An 80 year old bloke called Ross loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up."

He looked around and couldn't see anyone. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up."

He looked in the water and there, fl...

"KimKylieKendallKourtneyKhloeNewYorkCitySpiderMan" Was Joey's Password...

"KimKylieKendallKourtneyKhloeNewYorkCitySpiderMan" was Joey's password. When his friend Ross asked why the long password, Joey replied, "Because the website said: 5 characters, a capital, and a special character

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was out of work...

A man was out of work, and he was combing through the want ads. He saw that a school was looking for a bus driver, so he called and was asked to come for an interview. He got the job, and was surprised when he went out and found that the bus was garishly painted with Big Bird, Bert & Ernie, and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dave starts a new job as Bus Driver

Dave was starting a new job as a bus driver. He arrived at the bus depot and they told him he would be driving a bus with a "Sesame Street" advertisement on the side. He found this kind of amusing, and started his shift.

At the first stop, he picked up his first passenger. It was a fat woman....

So Jan gets a job driving a school bus.

The first day of school, Jan is given the bus she's to drive. She's driving an elementary-school route, so the inside of the bus has been decked out with Sesame Street characters; muppets pasted on every wall. Jan shrugs and gets started on her route.

The first kid is a super fat little girl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sesame Street Bus

A guy gets a job as a city bus driver. After going over his route, his supervisor tells him about the buses advertisement. "This week, it's a sesame street ad. Do not let these ads get damaged as you make your way through the city. We make a lot of money from these companies and we want it to look g...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So this guy calls in to get an escort...

He stipulates "She has to be smart! And she needs big tits and a tight pussy!"

When the knock on his door comes, he asks "Are you from the escort service?"

She answers "I'm looking for a guy named Ross with a big mouth and a little dick!"

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