Where does Bob Ross go shopping for clothes?

Ross.

What STD do Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica all share?

The *clap clap clap clap clap.*

I think my parents were fans of Bob Ross

They keep calling me their happy little accident

Bob Ross said "We don't make mistakes. We just have happy accidents."

So, either he lied and my parents made a mistake or I'm an accident.

I named my kid Bob Ross

He was a happy little accident.

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What did Bob Ross do when his dick got possessed by Satan?

He beat the devil out of it

A man was tired of working as a burger-flipper at McDonalds.

All day every day he made Big Macs. And in his head he would list off the ingredients; Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickle and onion, on a seasame seed bun.

Over and over: Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickle and onion, on a seasame seed bun.<...

If I had to wrestle Satan and was allowed to pick a partner, I’d pick Bob Ross

He always knew how to beat the devil.

Did you hear the Bob Ross got a brazilian wax?

Got rid of that happy, little bush.

Why is Ross from Friends always in the fountain in the intro?

Because he’s a Schwimmer

What do you call an eternal Bob Ross?

Ourobobross

The U.K. police are looking for a robbery suspect that looks like “Ross” from Friends.

No one ever told him life was gonna be this way.

What do you get when you cross Hank Hill with Bob Ross?

A Pro-painter.

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The man and the horse couldn’t agree on what to name the new planet

Despite hours of brainstorms and workshops, the man and the horse couldn’t agree on what to name the new planet.

“New Terra is the sensible choice”, said the man, exasperated.

“Don’t give me that more-evolved-than-thou horse-shit”, said the horse, “why don’t you let a non-dominant life...

Ross witnesses Ted stealing a bunch of weed from his garage

Ross: Man, you’re really adickted.

What does Bob Ross's paintings and an orphanage have in common?

They're both full of happy little accidents

In the famous words of Bob Ross: There’s no such thing as mistakes, only happy little accidents...

Unless your “little accident” is diagnosed with chronic depression.

What's the difference between Bob Ross and Roy Moore?

One's a doodler and the other's a diddler.

Think Positive for 2018. Jonathan Ross was out walking when he was knocked to the ground by a giant dog which stood over him barking. He thought..

..it's good to have a woof over your head.

If I had a dollar for every time I had an existential crisis

Would it even matter?

Bob Ross and Mr. Rogers fight for nicest person ever. Who wins?

They both share the trophy

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What do you call a Bob Ross porn parody?

The Joy Of Panting.

Did you know that Bob Ross secretly conducted bank heists?

He was the Rob Boss.

10 best one-liners from the 2019 Edinburgh fringe

**"I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have Florets".**

The gag won 41% of the vote.

## Best of the rest

Ten jokes made the 2019 shortlist. Here are the next nine:

* "Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they'r...

Happy little accident

Bob Ross would be a great mafia member because he’s just make everything look like a happy little accident

What did Jonathan Ross say after breaking in to a large kitchen to steal some utensils?

It was worth the whisk

Why can't Ross & Phoebe ever drown?

Because David Schwimmer and Lisa Kudrow.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Immigrants are good cause they do jobs no American wants to do

Like fucking the president.



\-Jeff Ross

What did Bob Ross do after eating a fair of fickled feffers?

He fainted.

What do Rick Ross and a dominatrix have in common?

They're both interested in whips and chains.

Binghamton University's Athletic Director compared the mens basketball team to a zoo. The Binghamton Zoo responded with the following letter:

I am tired of hearing that blight on Binghamton University, the men's basketball team, being referred to as a "zoo." The Binghamton Zoo at Ross Park has just received re-accreditation by the Association of Zoos and Aquariums, the industry's governing authority. We achieved this status by being in th...

Traumatized son

A young boy, an only child no more than ten years old, wakes up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom.

As he is walking to the restroom, he opens his parents' bedroom door and sees them copulating quite vigorously. The boy screams in horror. The mom throws the dad off and attempts...

Your mums so nice

Bob Ross gave up trying to out nice her

Friends

Back in the '90s my then-wife and I used to watch the TV show Friends, and as people did we would compare ourselves to the characters in the show. I always said I was the Chandler of our group because I felt I was the sarcastic, funny one, and my then-wife would always come back with saying I was m...

How do you know if a fossil was afraid before it was petrified?

If it’s a Diana-Ross-osaur

"KimKylieKendallKourtneyKhloeNewYorkCitySpiderMan" Was Joey's Password...

"KimKylieKendallKourtneyKhloeNewYorkCitySpiderMan" was Joey's password. When his friend Ross asked why the long password, Joey replied, "Because the website said: 5 characters, a capital, and a special character

The wise old fisherman.

An 80 year old bloke called Ross loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up."

He looked around and couldn't see anyone. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up."

He looked in the water and there, fl...

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A man was out of work...

A man was out of work, and he was combing through the want ads. He saw that a school was looking for a bus driver, so he called and was asked to come for an interview. He got the job, and was surprised when he went out and found that the bus was garishly painted with Big Bird, Bert & Ernie, and ...

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Dave starts a new job as Bus Driver

Dave was starting a new job as a bus driver. He arrived at the bus depot and they told him he would be driving a bus with a "Sesame Street" advertisement on the side. He found this kind of amusing, and started his shift.

At the first stop, he picked up his first passenger. It was a fat woman....

So Jan gets a job driving a school bus.

The first day of school, Jan is given the bus she's to drive. She's driving an elementary-school route, so the inside of the bus has been decked out with Sesame Street characters; muppets pasted on every wall. Jan shrugs and gets started on her route.

The first kid is a super fat little girl...

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Sesame Street Bus

A guy gets a job as a city bus driver. After going over his route, his supervisor tells him about the buses advertisement. "This week, it's a sesame street ad. Do not let these ads get damaged as you make your way through the city. We make a lot of money from these companies and we want it to look g...

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So this guy calls in to get an escort...

He stipulates "She has to be smart! And she needs big tits and a tight pussy!"

When the knock on his door comes, he asks "Are you from the escort service?"

She answers "I'm looking for a guy named Ross with a big mouth and a little dick!"

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