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A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping cabin on a trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a cabin, they went to bed, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, they were both still wide awake and they both knew it.

He said: "I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet under you...

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My mate broke his leg so I went to see him at home. I walked in and what do I see? He had two gorgeous older sisters, and they're TWINS ! I had never met them before, apparently they live at the uni and were visiting.

Anyway, so I went up to my friend's room, “How are you mate?”

“Yeah I’m okay. But do me a favour mate. Go fetch my socks from downstairs. My feet are freezing.” he tells me.

So I rushed downstairs and found his two sisters perched up on the couch, right where his socks lay.

I sa...

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A man met a beautiful girl and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She protested, “But we don’t know anything about each other.” He replied, “That’s all right; we’ll learn about each other as we go along.”

So she consented and they were married, and they went on honeymoon to a very nice resort.

One morning, they were lying by the pool when he got up off his towel, climbed up to the 30-foot high board and did a two-and-a-half-tuck gainer, entering the water perfectly, almost without a ripple. Th...

I met Tom Hanks once. He was so rude

I asked for his autograph and all he wrote was thanks.

A Man Met a Beautiful Girl in a Bar

and wooed her until he brought her back home for some love making. After an hour the guy asked her "Are you finish?", to which the girl shook her head. He then continues to make love to her for another hour. "Are you finish?" The girl shook her head again. He then goes on again for another 15 minute...

So I met a girl last night and we got talking. She asked me what my perfect date would be.

I said DD/MM/YYYY, anything else is just wrong.

I met my dream girl at the morgue

but she didn't warm up to my advances.

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Me: I met a girl with 12 breasts.

Friend: That sounds strange..

Me: Dozen tit?

Three Christian men from India died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The East Indian fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates' Sai...

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A man with a small dick met a shaman

He said 'I have a small dick and I am about to go on a date with this lady, how can I make it big?'

The Shaman said 'Before you meet her, dip your penis in a cup of tea, it shall get big'

A day later, the man meets with the shaman again 'I tried doing it and my dick did get long, but i...

So, last semester I met this guy in my business class

He was cool & an international student. His name was Ving and was from China. His English was really good for a second language, better than I could ever be learning a second language. We’d often hang out and I show him the sites and tourist destinations in my city. He's much cooler as well as b...

Was at a restaurant with friends and overheard this table next to us taking turns bragging about the most famous people that they have ever met.

Dave, the bus driver, and I had a good laugh.

A man and a woman met in a bar.

They got along pretty well and decided to go to her place and have a drink.

After a couple of wines, the man took off his shirt and washed his hands.
Then he took off his socks and washed his hands again.

The woman looked at him and said:
"Hey, you must be a dentist."

Dumb...

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A first-year college student found himself repeatedly impressed by the wit and wisdom of the philosophy majors he'd met...

A first-year college student found himself repeatedly impressed by the wit and wisdom of the philosophy majors he'd met. One day he plucked up the nerve to ask one of them, "So how come all you philosophy majors are so smart?" 

"Oh, that's no mystery," the philosophy major answered. "We've al...

I met my girlfriend whilst she was working at the zoo.

There she was in her uniform – straightaway I knew she was a keeper.

Upon Arriving Home, A Husband Was Met At The Door By His Sobbing Wife

Tearfully she explained, "It's the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone."

Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the phamacist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a few words, the druggist told him,

"Now, just a minute, please list...

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Met the woman of my dreams last night; Tall, long blonde hair, beautiful face, perky boobs and a huge blue cock with a snake's head at the end.

I have some fucking weird dreams.

A Politician Dies And Has To Spend Just ONE Day In Hell

A politician dies and ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

"So, you're a politician..."

"Well, yes, is that a problem?"

"Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for p...

How did the captain of the Millennium Falcon satisfy himself before he met Leia?

With his Hans, Solo

The inventor of the ferris wheel never met the inventor of the merry-go-round

They moved in different circles.

I Once met a old man who said he took down 23 planes on WWII

he was the worse mechanic i've ever seen

What does your long-distance girlfriend who you met on vacation have in common with the square root of -1?

They both are imaginary.

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I met a girl in Bangkok

I was at that bar in Bangkok and saw this beautiful girl. She looked at me with that amazing smile and all I could think of was "don't get a boner, don't get a boner" - but she still got one :(

The other day I met a frog

The other day I met a frog that was trying to cross the road, I picked it up and helped it to the other side. The frog all of a sudden started talking. Thank you, kind stranger! As gratitude for your help, I will grant you one wish, whatever you want if it is within my power I shall grant it!
...

I met Stephen Hawking after he went on his first date,

he came in with a broken nose, smashed glasses and a dislocated hip...


She stood him up.

I have not met a single person...

Who is happily married.

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Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad.

The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.

"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do...

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I met a lovely lady in the bar last night.

Although she was 57 she was very sexy and funny, she asked me if I fancied a Mother-Daughter threesome? I jumped at the chance,so we went back to her place, she took out her door keys and opened the door, turned on the light.

And shouts out, "Mum are you still awake."

I met a fellow fetishist at the shoe store last week

We really got off on the right foot

I met a girl last night & after so flirting asked her if she wanted to come home with me to play "Doctor"?

So when we got to my place, I left her sitting on my couch with a bunch of out dated magazines on the end table for 2 1/2 hours before I came out of my bedroom.

Before I met my wife I was incomplete

Now I am finished

I once met an Olympian athlete.

I asked him - Are you a pole vaulter? He replied - No, I'm German but how did you know my name is Walter?

I met a girl on Tinder and we were going to go to the gym on our first date, but she stood me up.

I suppose we aren't gonna work out.

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I met a girl at a bar who told me that she only dates men with 7inch dick.

Bitch I'm not going to cut 3 inches for you.

A friend I met online has a spider as pet, and he named it Feature. Weird, right?

Until he told me he is a software programmer.

A friend of mine is dating a woman he met during a traffic jam.

"She was in the car ahead of me," he said, "and I accidentally stepped on the gas when I meant to hit the brake."

"Did you rear-end her?" I asked.

"Well, yeah, but not until the third date."

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I met this girl the other day.

She took me back to her house where things got hot and heavy very quickly.

I bent her over the kitchen table and started going at it when suddenly we heard the front door open.

“Oh shit, it’s my boyfriend!” she exclaimed “Quick, use the backdoor” .

Now it’s at about this time I ...

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Two Communist leaders - one happy, one sad - met in a hallway

"Boris, why the long face?", the happy one asked. "Cheer up!"

"Easy for you to say, Andrei", the sad one replied. "I've just been given an order from the very top. I'm supposed to figure out which of the Party members are secretly Christians and arrest them. But how am I supposed to do that?"...

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When Jane first met Tarzan in the jungle, she was instantly attracted to him and during her questions about his life, she asked him if he had ever had sex. "Tarzan not know sex." he replied.

Jane explained to him what it was.

Tarzan said, "Ohhh...Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."

Horrified, Jane said, "Tarzan, you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly."

She took off her clothing and lay down on the ground.

"Here." she said, pointi...

Two Antennas met on a roof.

A year later, they got married the wedding wasn't great but the reception was incredible.

A wealthy, but stingy father was trying to put a birthday party together for his 18 y/o daughter.

He wanted the party to be extravagant, but wanted to spend as little money as possible. He had finished all of the other decorations, and he was left to work on the cake.

"Why not get it ordered from an upscale bakery?" his wife said.

So the father visited a ton of different bakeries a...

Once a man met the great chessmaster Gary Kasparov on a plane seat beside him

The grandmaster says "would u like to play a game of chess for a $100 per game?" The man replies "I know who you are mate I would never be able to beat you". Gary thinks a bit and says "I will play with my left hand" the man accepts.


Afterwards when he recites his story to his wife he sa...

I once met a girl who had confused Krazy Glue for KY Jelly.

I asked her how she did it, but sadly, her lips were sealed.

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A man goes to a Doctor's Office about his penis

A man walks gingerly into the office where he is met by a nurse with whom he speaks to

"Err, nurse? Excuse me, this isn't easy for me to say, but you have to promise you won't laugh"

"Well, sir, on my honour as a nurse and a lady, in my 20 years in this profession, I haven't once laugh...

I met Bruce Lee's vegan brother today.

His name is Brocko Lee.

There was a slightly long bridge, wide enough for only one car and one day, two cars tried to cross over from opposite directions and met at the middle of the bridge, obviously unable to get past the other......

One driver poked his head out of his window and yelled - "I don't make way for idiots!"

The second guy rolled his window down and yelled back - "I do!" and backed up his car...

A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500

A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500.

So they did. Before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way...

What did the Big Boy Atomic Bomb say to the Nuclear Bomb when they met?

Nuke, I am your father.

I met this girl Mary on tinder and took her to an all you can eat buffet I knew it wasn't going to work out when she told me she was a vegetarian so I decided to go down with guns blazing.

She came back with her salad to find me with my plate loaded up with every type of meat I could get my hands on.

I was shocked, though pleasantly surprised, when she asked for a bite of my kabab.

Mary had a little lamb.

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A man goes home with a woman he met at the bar.

When they get back to her place, she says, "I didn't want to tell you before, but I've got a fetish. I'd love it if you fucked me with your big toe."

The man, an agreeable sort, goes ahead and does it. Has a pretty good time. But a few days later, he notices his toe is red and inflamed, then...

There was once a forest man named Imm...

Imm always wanted to have a child and would always talk about it to his best friend Epp. One day when they were in their early twenties, Epp met a girl and quickly fell in love. Not long after, Epp and his girlfriend got married and had a baby girl they named Goo. Imm was happy for Epp at first, but...

Twenty years ago...

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a...

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Last week, I met a Genie who said he’d grant me one wish,

I only had 3 choices:

First was a better memory.

Second was a larger penis.

Third was… well I can’t remember what the third choice was.

Joe Biden, Vladimir Putin and Boris Johnson had a near death experience together.

They met God and his closest angels, who told them that their time wasn’t up yet but that each of them could ask one question.

Biden went first. He asked "God, when will the Coronavirus pandemic end?" God made a sign to his angels. They went away and after 30 seconds they came back and whisp...

I just met the tallest man in the world!

He's a pretty upstanding guy.

When I first met my father-in-law he threw a shotgun shell at me

Then he said "Nice catch but the next one's gonna be going much faster!"

I loaned my girlfriend $100 sometime soon after we met. After 3 years, when I broke up with her, she returned exactly $100.

I guess I just lost interest in that relationship.

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My friend called me the other day.

When I answered he told me that he met a hot girl that wanted a threesome with two guys and wanted me to help him out.

"I don't know," I replied, "I've got a lot going on right now."

After him begging me and telling me how hot the girl was for about 20 minutes, I finally agreed to it. ...

Two cats met at a river bank to cross the river. One was named One-Two-Three, the other was named Un-Deux-Trois.

Unfortunately, only One-Two-Three cat made it across. Un-Deux-Trois cat sank.

A young guy met a sixty years old woman at a bar and she looked pretty good for her age.

he found himself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter.  The young guy drank a couple of beers

she asked if he’d ever had a Sportsman’s Double? 

‘What’s that?’, he asked. 

‘It’s a mother and daughter threesome,’ she said. 

As his mind began to embrace the i...

Bill Gates met Arnold Schwarzenegger at a party.

He asked him if he had upgraded to Windows 10 yet. Big Arnie replied:

Ah still love Vista baby...

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Donald Trump met with the Queen of England, and politely asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"

Donald Trump met with the Queen of England, and politely asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"

"Well," replied the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Trump frowned, and...

I met my girlfriend in 2020. She has pretty eyes.

I haven’t seen her mouth and nose yet, but her eyes are pretty.

My wife claims I’m the cheapest person she’s ever met.

I’m not buying it.

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What did Samuel L. Jackson say when he met Oedipus?

'What's up, motherfucker?'

The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper

She was wearing massive gloves

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I met and a girl we seemed to really hit it off.

I mean we really clicked. Same interests, same choice of music, same outlook on life. Everything was going great until I found out that she was into piss play. It just wasn't something I enjoyed. I was honest with her when we broke up. I said, it's not you it's pee.

I don't get why people are upset that some people with the same name met and hung out.

After all, they were just Joshing.

Cheating for "Good" Reasons

An elderly couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

Martha replied, "We...

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Cinderella wanted to go to a ball one night

But her stepmother said she could not go. Devastated, Cinderella ran up to her room, sat on her bed, and started sobbing.

Not soon later, a fairy godmother came into her room via window. "Would you still luke to go to the ball?" The fairy godmother asked. "Yes!" Cinderella exclaimed. "Ok," t...

I finally married my Korean wife whom I met in a penpal site few years ago..

She's my Seoul mate.

I met my wife while we working at the same museum

I met my wife while we were working at the same museum. Our first date was in the geology section, the second in paleontology, and the rest was history.

I'm not saying you will down vote this, nor I will say you will upvote it…

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two inte...

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I also met my girlfriend at a zoo like u/moosekila

She was beautiful, but she was behind bars, now I am.



I know this joke is shit, but she was throwing hers

After a long day at a conference a group of weary professionals met up at a famous bar.

After much discussion of the awesome array of gins, vodkas, whiskeys, wines, imported beers and ales, everybody ordered alcohol except for one guy. He ordered a cup of coffee.

One of his companions asked him "no offense, but why aren't you drinking?" The coffee drinker said, "I'm a recover...

I met my wife in Glasgow

I was very surprised: I thought I had left her at home.

George R.R. Martin (OC)

I met George R.R. Martin at a book signing a while back. It was very early in the morning and there weren’t that many people around, so I actually had the opportunity to chat with him a bit. I told him I’m a huge fan of his works, and that he’s always been an idol of mine, and that he inspired me to...

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An older man fancied a young women he met.

The gentleman met the women and tried every trick in the book to get her to sleep with him, except the direct approach as she was so young and he was so married.

After some time she suddnly asked him "Are you trying to get me into bed?". Before the man could response she said "I would be hap...

A group of old friends met at a resort for their annual vacation.

They had a long-standing tradition of sharing jokes with each other. They’d been doing this so long that they just assigned numbers to the jokes to make it easier to tell them.

Someone would shout out “24” or “13” and everyone would laugh.

This went on for a long and then one person y...

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I met two guys wearing matching clothing. So I asked them if they were gay.

They promptly arrested me.

I met a Jewish girl and she asked for my number.

I told her we use names here.

My girlfriend asked me last night if she was still as pretty as the day we met. I said of course! She frowned and said “You have to say that, you can be honest.”

She asked if I was as happy with her as ever. I said of course! She said again “you have to say that, you can be honest.”

She asked if I still wanted to be with her and only her. I said as long as her sister is still in a relationship.

Apparently I shouldn’t have been *that* honest.

I met this really short man called Peter the other day.

He's a baker and he was telling me all about baking flat breads.

It was fascinating.

I love to hear the pitta patter of tiny Pete.

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When I met my wife

She asked me If I had sex with a Brazilian woman.

I told her “Probably. How many is a Brazilian?”

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3 boys met a genie on a cliff

The genie promise them each a wish.

They are to shout out their wish while they jump down the cliff. The further they can jump, the more they will get from their wish.

The first boy ran and jumped while shouting "Money!!"
As he landed on the ground, a load of money fell from the sk...

Today I met someone who never finishes his proverbs.

It’s very irritating to talk to him, but you know what they say,

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Three guys are walking through the woods...

Three guys are walking through the woods when they find an old lamp. One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie (of course). It booms "You have freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes."

The first guy immediately blurts out "I want a billion dollars....

What happened when the brown chicken met the brown cow?

Brown-chicken-brown-cow

I met someone with Parkinson's disease.

He was great at shaking hands.

I met an evil glassblower the other day...

They made the most vial creations.

This girl I met on Tinder had a tattoo of a seashell on her innerthigh

If you put your ear against it and listened closely, you could smell the sea.

I met three men the other day - a blind man, a deaf man, and a mute man, named John, Fitzgerald, and...

I don't know, he wouldn't say.

I used to date a comedian. Things were going great until they met my parents.

They made a bad impression.

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A man is walking the Las Vegas strip, and runs into the most beautiful women he has ever met.

He starts talking to her, and to his luck he finds out she is a prostitute. So, he asks her.
"How much for a hand-job?"
"$5,000" she replies.
"$5,000?? You must be nuts, no way."
"Walk with me." She replies. He agrees and they walk for a moment to end up in front of a res...

Which Military Service Is the Best?

A Soldier, a Sailor, an Airman, and a Marine got into an argument about which branch of the service was The Best. The arguing became so heated the four servicemen failed to see an oncoming truck as they crossed the street. They were hit by the truck and killed instantly.

Soon, the four servic...

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.

He loved them dearly, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat explosive effect on him.
 

One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, “she’ll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this,” so he m...

Two single people met up on handicap singles night after having no luck in years...

The man had a wooden peg leg, and the woman has a wooden eye. After finally getting up the courage, the woman asks the man if he would like to dance.

“Would I? Would I?” he yells excitedly.

In complete disgust, she yells back, “Peg Leg! Peg Leg!”

I met a girl crying outside a mall.

I asked her what's wrong, she said she lost 200$. So I gave her 40$ from the 200$ I picked up at the entrance.
When god blesses you, you must bless others.

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[Long] I met a pirate...

At least, I think he was a pirate. I never asked, but he had an eye patch over one eye, a wooden leg, a hook where his hand should be, and a parrot on his shoulder. So I was pretty sure he was a pirate. Also, we were on the boardwalk by the beach, so I figured that's as likely a place as any for a p...

An old woman is talking with a relative at her 4th husband's funeral

She says to the relative "he was a good man" the relative nodded she then said ya know I've been married for the 4th time and this is the last, the relative asked "what were your other husband's like" the woman said "my first husband was a banker, he was a hard working man". The relative asks "what ...

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On their 50th anniversary, a woman asks her husband, "What did you think of me when you first met me?"

The husband replies, "I wanted to fuck your brains out and suck your tits dry." The woman then asks, "What do think of me now?" The husband takes a good slow look, running his eyes up and down all over her body. Finally, he answers, "I think I did a pretty good job."

What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams?

They lived hoppily ever after.

Marketing

P.S. - I have much love and appreciation for my marketing friends. We all work together in this <3.

A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, “Excuse me, can you ...

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I met a really nice girl on a first date.

Her: I bathe in milk, can you go to the shop and get some please.

Me: Pasteurized.?

Her: No just up to my tits will be fine...

I met some chess players in the hotel lobby bragging about how good they were

It was chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

My Mom was a Radiologist. They met when my Dad came in to get an Xray.

I wonder what she saw in him.

My girlfriend hated that I told blind jokes

Years ago I dated a girl for about 6 months. We got along super well. I met her family, and she met mine. Things were getting pretty serious between us.

The only thing that we really argued about was my blind jokes. I loved saying them and she hated them. In her defense, she had a blind broth...

I recently met a girl from Jerusalem

She Israeli cute!

Met this guy at a bar last night and said

Man you remind me of my little toe. I’m gonna smash you on the coffee table later.

I’ll see myself out.

Fishing

A young couple rents a cabin for a week on a lake for their honeymoon. As they arrive they are met by an older gentleman who shows them where the fresh sheets are and how to use the fireplace and such. He bids them well and drives off to his home on the other side of the lake.

A week later, a...

A bright young executive had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech firm. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and handed him three numbered envelopes.

“Open these if you run up against a problem you don’t think you can handle,” he said.

Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a nosedive and he was really catching a lot of heat from the board. At wit’s end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer ...

Appreciating Art

A lawyer, representing a wealthy art collector called him and said, "Paul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."

The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; let's hear the good news first."

The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today. She informed me that she i...

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A guy comes home completely drunk one night.

He lurches through the
door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy.

"Where the hell have you been all night?" she demands.
"At this new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden.
It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor and even the ur...

I tried to get to 2nd base with this French girl I met at the zoo

but I couldn't get past ze bra.

I met a person claiming to be the greatest lumberjack.

I asked "How do you know, you are the greatest"

Well, have you ever heard of the sahara forest ?

I replied you mean the Sahara desert ?

Well I guess they call it that now.

I just met a dog that was trained to help blind people

Apparently he’s blinded three already.

I met a girl at a club the other night & she told me she'd show me a good time.

When we got outside, she ran a 40 yard dash in 4.8 seconds.

a Country Boy visited the City and met a girl in a Bar who invited him back to her house,

When they got there, she undressed and told him to get naked too.

She said: "Let's start with a 69"

The Country Boy replied: "What's that?"

With that she got him into position, and they went at it

Within a minute of starting, the City Girl felt a fart coming on

S...

My sisters and I met yesterday to discuss whether or not to bury or cremate our mother..

We couldn’t come to a decision between the two so we are letting her live for now.

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I just met a cute girl named Kidding.

I wish I was fucking kidding.

When I met a girl I liked, I used to put all my favorite things about her surrounded by curly braces inside a Javascript file.

I feel bad about it in hindsight. Now I know it's wrong to objectify women.

When REM met The Queen, she held up an envelope and then said...

"That's me in the corner."

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First day at a mental asylum.

There was a guy who just got a job at a mental asylum. On his first day, he wanted to familiarise himself with all the patients at the facility. While doing so, he met this dude who looked perfectly normal, muttering some things to a wall. As he came closer, he started to make out what he was saying...

I met an Irishman who cooked beans and he would just use exactly 239 beans per pot. I asked him, why? He said

If I added just one more bean, it would be too farty!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man took a girl he just met back to his place, she said she wanted sex, but only if he had protection. He quickly whispered in her ear, "up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, b, a, start"

"what was that?" She asked.

"Contra-ception"

I Met a Fellow Who Wore Green, and Had Stolen a Pot of Gold.

Turns out he was a Leprechaun-vict.

I met my future wife today!

My present wife isn't happy

I met the man who invented the part of a map that explains what each symbol means.

What a legend.

Bert and Ernie served as daytime radio hosts for over twenty years.

Bert and Ernie worked together as daytime radio hosts for over twenty years. They'd traded jokes, played pop music and generally made peoples lives a touch brighter as they trundled to their workplace.

Now though, there was a silence on the air. Ernie silently reread the fax from civil defen...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 tribesmen were about to get punished

3 tribesmen were about to get punished. The chief told them to bring 10 fruits from their crops.

The first one brought 10 apples. The chief then said that those 10 apples would be inserted in his asshole. If he manages to not show any reaction when all the apples get inserted, he gets to live...

Three old spinsters die and go to heaven and at the Pearly Gates, they are met by St Peter. He says: “Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives that I’m granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you want to be.”

The first spinster says: “I want to be Sophia Loren.”

With a bang, she’s gone.

The second says: “I want to be Madonna.”

She also disappears immediately.

The third says: “I want to be Sara Pipalini.”

St Peter looks perplexed. “Who?” he says.

“Sara Pipalini,” ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Man, The Myth, the Legend: Frank Feldman!

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by.

He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman... he's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you nee...

So I met this great girl at a party

I gave her peas.

She gave me herpes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I met a fairy today that granted me one wish

"I want to live forever" I said.

"Sorry" said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant those type of wishes."

"Fine" I said, "I want to die only after the last repost has been made in /r/jokes!"

"You crafty bastard!" said the fairy.

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