R. Kelly certainly released some major bangers throughout his career

Its the minor banging that was the issue.

R.Kelly has tested positive..

for SHEWASNT-19

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Why was it so hard to get out of R. Kelly’s sex cult?

Because once you’re in, urine.

R. Kelly in the news again--tested positive for the COVID-15 virus

...apparently COVID-19 was a little too old for him.

R Kelly likes his women like he likes his scotch

12 years old and mixed up with coke

Did you know that R. Kelly wanted to be a pro hockey player?

He was good at it too, but the only trouble was that he didn't want to score after the first period.

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After seeing Machine Gun Kelly’s success switching genres, Korn has decided to put out a new experimental album

It will be called PopKorn

Why didn't R. Kelly catch Covid?

R. Kelly would have caught Covid if it were younger. But fortunately for him. Covid is 19.

R. Kelly has just tested negative for Covid 19

Bet if it was Covid 15 he'd be all over that though.

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What does a party with R. Kelly and Michael Jackson always have?

Hee hee and Pee pee.

You sick fucks.

All this rubbish about R. Kelly allegedly marrying a fifteen year old are ridiculous. Everyone knows he prefers twenty nine year olds.

Mostly because there are twenty of them.

R. Kelly has asked to be released from prison after being concerned about catching COVID-19.

I bet if it was COVID-13 he wouldn't mind catching it at all.

Why don’t R Kelly wins races?

Because he is always coming a little behind.

If R-Kelly was a computer file

He'd be a .pdf file

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Captain Blackbeard and his first mate Kelly capture a ship searching for precious jewels...

The ship is carrying three groups: guides, soldiers, and miners. They are transferring the three groups over in three boats. During the transfer, the boat with the guides capsizes, followed by the soldiers, but the miners cross safely.
A bloom of jellyfish passes by and stings the men in the wat...

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So I heard R. Kelly couldn’t even put up $100k for bail.

He’s been pissing away all his money, apparently.

What did the FBI agent say to R Kelly upon his arrest?

Urine trouble now!

R Kelly is really changing the rap game

He takes the art out of rap artist

I heard that Kelly McGillis won’t be returning for Top Gun 2. Guess which other Top Gun actor won’t have a cameo in the sequel?

Goose.

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Buck was selling his car and and girl name Kelly was interested in buying it. He said it’s $4,000. She thought a minute and said, “How about $3000 and a blow job?” He said that sounds great . . .

He was happy he got the Kelly Blew Buck price.

What key does R Kelly like to write his music in?

A Minor

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What do you get if you cross a pirate and a paedophile?

Arrr Kelly!

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Lots of people are upset that R. Kelly posted bail, don't worry though

It's better to be pissed off than pissed on.

What is R. Kelly's favorite vegetable?

Black-eyed Peas

What chord must you play to get R. Kelly's attention?

B-minor.


I will see myself out.

What's R. Kelly's Wifi Password?

WiBelieveICanFi

Drake, Onision, and R Kelly walk into a bar...

Drake, Onision, and R Kelly walk into a bar.

The bartender immediately gets them all a drink.

Drake asks the bartender why he didn’t ask for their ID.

The bartender says, “age is just a number around here.”

R.kelly says the recent accusations have ruined his relationship with his kids.

They must have been crushed to hear hes cheating on them.

What did R. Kelly say to a new girl he met?

Urine for a treat

I believe I can Fly, Bump and Grind, and Ignition by R Kelly were all written in the same key

A minor

What’s the difference between R. Kelly and a small fencing sword?

One is a little rapier.

Why should kids never have been allowed near R Kelly?

Well he ain’t PG13 Kelly, is he?

What do you call a pirate that likes golden showers?

ARRRRRRRRR Kelly

How do you say R. Kelly in Korean??

So-Young Poon

What do R.Kelly and Walmart have in common?

They both have kids pants half off.

R. Kelly has been denied bail

The judge believed he was a flight risk.

How did that video of R. Kelly get out?

It leaked.

My brother came up to me and asked if I knew what they say to Cosby's victims, he said "Stay woke". I asked what about R. Kelly's victims?

"Grow up"

Have you heard the Irish joke about R. Kelly?

It won’t take much time; it’s only a wee joke.

When CBS interviewed R. Kelly, he claimed "I love my kids"

However, he seems to also be in love with other people's kids as well

What's the difference between greyhound racing and R Kelly..?

The greyhounds wait for the hare.

After R Kelly gets out of prison, he decides to go apply for a job at McDonald’s because it’s his favorite. The interviewer asked what separates him apart from others who applied?

He said, I believe I can fryyyyyy

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What do R. Kelly fans and Mormons have in common?

They both defend sexual predators.

Did you know R Kelly trained to be a violinist from the age of 6?

Even back then, he was an excellent kiddie fiddler

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A train ploughs into the side of a catholic girls school bus.

A train ploughs into the side of a Catholic girls school bus, killing them all. At the gates of heaven, st Peter asks the girls "have any of you ever touched a penis?"

The first girl, Paula, shyly says "I once touched the head of a penis with the tip of my finger." St Peter says "Okay, dip y...

What is R. Kelly’s favorite band?

Alice In Chains.

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R Kelly has been charged with sexual abuse

I guess there was something wrong with that bump and grind.

R Kelly likes his girls like he likes his professional footballers

Young, fit, and not allowed to come out.

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R. Kelly has made a song denying any sexual misconduct charges that lasts 19 minutes.

Which is unusual because he usually insists on 18 or under.

Why wouldn’t R. Kelly make a good blackjack dealer?

He hits on 17

I asked R Kelly if he thought I was pretty.

He said "you're an eight"

What is the difference between a pirate and R. Kelly?

Pirates go for big booty

So John Kelly claims that the lack of an ability to compromise led to the Civil War...

I wouldn’t say that’s 100% accurate, but at least 3/5ths.

What do R. Kelly and current temperatures have in common?

They're both in the teens.

R. Kelly went from being trapped in a closet to being trapped in a courtroom.

Can’t wait for the sequel, trapped in a jail cell.

What has R. Kelly done more successfully than any other musician?

Using A minor

In R.Kelly’s defense.....

He said that he didn’t see nothing wrong with a little bump-n-grind.....

Did you hear that Fergie and R. Kelly are collaborating on a new album?

They are calling their group the Black Guy Pees.

What would you call it if 21 Savage and R. Kelly fought?

Alien vs. Predator

I ran into R. Kelly while he was filling out a March Madness bracket.

He was picking primarily the 14s and 15s.

Turns out he’s really into #1 too.

Who does R Kelly blame his current legal troubles on?

His body...

His mind was telling him no, but his body, his body was telling him yeeeehhhss.

What does R. Kelly have in common with Malaysian Airlines?

They both think they can fly.

There's a new Reddit sub for perverts

r/kelly

I can't resist peeing on women.

It's my R. Kelly's heel.

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How do you piss off everyone who knows Megyn Kelly today?

Dress up as Blackface Santa.

What is R. Kelly's favorite sandwich?

P&BJ

so I hear r Kelly's music has been removed from Spotify for hate content

when asked what he thought of this he said. ''if I could turn back the hands of time,....

What’s the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean.

R. Kelly’s never been arrested for having an underage garbanzo bean on him before.

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I found out R. Kelly had sex with that girl because she reminded him of his mother

He has an Oedipiss complex.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what's the main difference between r.kelly and your average redditor?

there are some things r.kelly can't piss all over.

How does R. Kelly respond when girls ask for a rating on a ten scale?

Urinate

Lucky day for Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly.

Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly was watching the news when he witnessed something astounding. A young Syrian man had just thrown a hand grenade over 100 yards through the window of a building into a room that housed a sniper. He was so impressed that he had the man found and brought into t...

Astronaut Scot Kelly grew 2 inches after being in space for a year

You'd think they'd be doing more important stuff in space other than measuring their weenies.

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What's the difference between the Wrights brothers and R Kelly?

The Wrights brothers knew under the right circumstances and with the right vehicle design, they could fly.

R kelly pisses on 15 yr old girls.

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How did R. Kelly's girlfriend feel when she found out he's into watersports?

She was pissed.

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How does R.Kelly end a joke?

Ba dum *piss*

For 65 million years, the title for the most dangerous predator known to man was the T-Rex.

Now it’s R. Kelly.

I like how you think.

Ms. Kelly is teaching her first grade class about addition and subtraction. As the lesson concludes, she calls on each student to answer a simple math problem. Finally, she gets to Johnny.

"Johnny," Ms. Kelly begins, "if there are six birds on a telephone wire and you shoot two, how many ar...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Irishman in a bar hears a familiar accent, and says to the guy next to him "Are you Irish, then?"

"That I am"

"Well I''l be, let's have a whiskey! Where are you from?"

"Dublin"

"Me too!, That calls for another drink: Bartender!"

"Where in Dublin", says the other feller

"Temple Bar"

"Fuck Me! I went to school right there on Milligan Street"

"So d...

The Fly and R Kelly

A Fly buzzes up to R Kelly and asks "Mr Kelly could you please sing me a song?"

R Kelly pauses in thought then replies "I believe I can, fly".

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What do pirates call a rapist?

Arrr Kelly

Ma minds telling me noooo.....

Then you should probably stop R Kelly!

Irish Airways

Good morning ladies and gentlemen, this is your capt'n S Murphy O'Sullivan welcoming you to Irish Airlines! We apologise for the 4 day delay in takin' off, sadly this was unavoidable due to to the bad weather and happy hour at Ó Ceallaighs' bar.

This is flight 367 to Shannon Airport, Landi...

A woman wakes her husband up at 2 AM, saying

"Quick, who's scored the highest number of goals in football, ever?"

"Klose", replied the groggy husband.

"And how many episodes of Breaking Bad are there in total?"

"Huh? Wait, let me...55, no, 62, there's 62 total episodes" he replied.

"Who was that girl in that 'Saved ...

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