R Kelly is really changing the rap game

He takes the art out of rap artist

What do you get if you cross a pirate and a paedophile?

Arrr Kelly!

What did the FBI agent say to R Kelly upon his arrest?

Urine trouble now!

What key does R Kelly like to write his music in?

A Minor

Did you know R Kelly had a chance to be a professional Hockey player.

Only problem was he never wanted to score after the first period.

I was playing bingo with R. Kelly...

Apparently B 13 is his favorite number

R.kelly says the recent accusations have ruined his relationship with his kids.

They must have been crushed to hear hes cheating on them.

What's R Kelly's favorite musical key?

A Minor

What chord do you play to get R. Kelly's attention?

B Minor.



I'll see myself out...

How did that video of R. Kelly get out?

It leaked.

I asked R Kelly what was required to be in his cult

He replied "you're in"

What do R.Kelly and Walmart have in common?

They both have kids pants half off.

If R. Kelly was a computer file...

He'd be a .pdf file

I asked R Kelly if he thought I was pretty.

He said "you're an eight"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why doesn't R Kelly have money to post bail?

Because he pissed it all away.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I heard R. Kelly couldn’t even put up $100k for bail.

He’s been pissing away all his money, apparently.

R. Kelly has been denied bail

The judge believed he was a flight risk.

After R Kelly gets out of prison, he decides to go apply for a job at McDonald’s because it’s his favorite. The interviewer asked what separates him apart from others who applied?

He said, I believe I can fryyyyyy

My brother came up to me and asked if I knew what they say to Cosby's victims, he said "Stay woke". I asked what about R. Kelly's victims?

"Grow up"

What’s the difference between R. Kelly and a small fencing sword?

One is a little rapier.

Have you heard the Irish joke about R. Kelly?

It won’t take much time; it’s only a wee joke.

I ran into R. Kelly while he was filling out a March Madness bracket.

He was picking primarily the 14s and 15s.

Turns out he’s really into #1 too.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lots of people are upset that R. Kelly posted bail, don't worry though

It's better to be pissed off than pissed on.

When CBS interviewed R. Kelly, he claimed "I love my kids"

However, he seems to also be in love with other people's kids as well

Why wouldn’t R. Kelly make a good blackjack dealer?

He hits on 17

Why should kids never have been allowed near R Kelly?

Well he ain’t PG13 Kelly, is he?

What is R. Kelly’s favorite band?

Alice In Chains.

Did you know R Kelly trained to be a violinist from the age of 6?

Even back then, he was an excellent kiddie fiddler

R Kelly likes his women like he likes his scotch

12 years old and mixed up with coke

What is the difference between a pirate and R. Kelly?

Pirates go for big booty

Who does R Kelly blame his current legal troubles on?

His body...

His mind was telling him no, but his body, his body was telling him yeeeehhhss.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I heard that R Kelly criticised Justin Bieber's music.

He pissed off a lot of little girls.

Whis is R. Kelly excited by all this cold weather?

He kept hearing it was gonna be in the teens

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

R Kelly has been charged with sexual abuse

I guess there was something wrong with that bump and grind.

What would you call it if 21 Savage and R. Kelly fought?

Alien vs. Predator

I believe I can Fly, Bump and Grind, and Ignition by R Kelly were all written in the same key

A minor

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do R. Kelly fans and Mormons have in common?

They both defend sexual predators.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was it so hard to get out of R. Kelly’s sex cult?

Because once you’re in, urine.

R. Kelly went from being trapped in a closet to being trapped in a courtroom.

Can’t wait for the sequel, trapped in a jail cell.

R Kelly likes his girls like he likes his professional footballers

Young, fit, and not allowed to come out.

What do R. Kelly and current temperatures have in common?

They're both in the teens.

What's the difference between greyhound racing and R Kelly..?

The greyhounds wait for the hare.

Kelly and Ron

Kelly: A cowboy rides into town on Friday, stays two days, and comes back on Friday. How is this possible?
Ron: The horse’s name is Friday, right?
Kelly: Correct, my good neigh-bor

In R.Kelly’s defense.....

He said that he didn’t see nothing wrong with a little bump-n-grind.....

R. Kelly certainly released some major Bangers throughout his career.

Its the minor banging that is the issue.

What has R. Kelly done more successfully than any other musician?

Using A minor

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you piss off everyone who knows Megyn Kelly today?

Dress up as Blackface Santa.

So John Kelly claims that the lack of an ability to compromise led to the Civil War...

I wouldn’t say that’s 100% accurate, but at least 3/5ths.

so I hear r Kelly's music has been removed from Spotify for hate content

when asked what he thought of this he said. ''if I could turn back the hands of time,....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A train ploughs into the side of a catholic girls school bus.

A train ploughs into the side of a Catholic girls school bus, killing them all. At the gates of heaven, st Peter asks the girls "have any of you ever touched a penis?"

The first girl, Paula, shyly says "I once touched the head of a penis with the tip of my finger." St Peter says "Okay, dip y...

What is R. Kelly's favorite sandwich?

P&BJ

Astronaut Scot Kelly grew 2 inches after being in space for a year

You'd think they'd be doing more important stuff in space other than measuring their weenies.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

R. Kelly has made a song denying any sexual misconduct charges that lasts 19 minutes.

Which is unusual because he usually insists on 18 or under.

Did you hear that Fergie and R. Kelly are collaborating on a new album?

They are calling their group the Black Guy Pees.

What does R. Kelly have in common with Malaysian Airlines?

They both think they can fly.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I found out R. Kelly had sex with that girl because she reminded him of his mother

He has an Oedipiss complex.

I like how you think.

Ms. Kelly is teaching her first grade class about addition and subtraction. As the lesson concludes, she calls on each student to answer a simple math problem. Finally, she gets to Johnny.

"Johnny," Ms. Kelly begins, "if there are six birds on a telephone wire and you shoot two, how many ar...

How does R. Kelly respond when girls ask for a rating on a ten scale?

Urinate

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what's the main difference between r.kelly and your average redditor?

there are some things r.kelly can't piss all over.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How did R. Kelly's girlfriend feel when she found out he's into watersports?

She was pissed.

Lucky day for Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly.

Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly was watching the news when he witnessed something astounding. A young Syrian man had just thrown a hand grenade over 100 yards through the window of a building into a room that housed a sniper. He was so impressed that he had the man found and brought into t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a pirate sex offender?

Rrrrrr Kelly.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How does R.Kelly end a joke?

Ba dum *piss*

For 65 million years, the title for the most dangerous predator known to man was the T-Rex.

Now it’s R. Kelly.

What do pirates call a rapist?

Arrr Kelly

I can't resist peeing on women.

It's my R. Kelly's heel.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Voice activated radio.

I just bought a voice activated stereo for my car. Whatever genre of music you say, it will play the most popular artist from that genre of all time.


I told my radio "Rap"

2 Pac started playing on the stereo.

I then told my stereo "Heavy Metal"

It blared Metallica...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Irishman in a bar hears a familiar accent, and says to the guy next to him "Are you Irish, then?"

"That I am"

"Well I''l be, let's have a whiskey! Where are you from?"

"Dublin"

"Me too!, That calls for another drink: Bartender!"

"Where in Dublin", says the other feller

"Temple Bar"

"Fuck Me! I went to school right there on Milligan Street"

"So d...

Irish Airways

Good morning ladies and gentlemen, this is your capt'n S Murphy O'Sullivan welcoming you to Irish Airlines! We apologise for the 4 day delay in takin' off, sadly this was unavoidable due to to the bad weather and happy hour at Ó Ceallaighs' bar.

This is flight 367 to Shannon Airport, Landi...

An Irish boys confession

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose Woman."

The Priest asks, "Is that you, little Timmy Shaughnessy?" "Yes, Father, it is. "

"And, who was the woman you were with," asked the Priest. "

"I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputatio...

What do you call a pirate who's trapped in a closet?

Arrr Kelly

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The name's Brown, B-R-O-W-N

A Texan went up to the airline check-in counter and boomed, "Howdy, ma'am. My name's Brown, spelled B-R-O-W-N. Ah'm from Dallas, Texas. Ah'm 6' 6", 275 pounds, white from the top of mah head to the tip of mah toes, and I hate the Irish."

Well, she didn't know what else to do, so she took his ...

What do you call a dog that sings?

Kelly Barckson.


(Am Belgian, sorry if this joke already existed. Came up with it while watching the Graham Norton show where she performed last week.)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In honour of St. Patrick's day, I present one of my best irish jokes.

Murphy is sitting at pub, downing the last pint. He turns to the boys and says "Alright, this is it for me. The witch at home'll beat me knowing im out all night"


He gives a wave, goes to hop off the bar stool and falls flat on his face. "My god, I haven't been this drunk in ages."
...

A woman wakes her husband up at 2 AM, saying

"Quick, who's scored the highest number of goals in football, ever?"

"Klose", replied the groggy husband.

"And how many episodes of Breaking Bad are there in total?"

"Huh? Wait, let me...55, no, 62, there's 62 total episodes" he replied.

"Who was that girl in that 'Saved ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ms Murphy, a first grade Irish teacher, was teaching her students vocabulary, and the word of the day was "contagious" ...

(For best effect, read dialogue in an Irish accent)

So she asked her class if anyone has heard the word used in a sentence before, and two students raised their hands, Billy O'Shea and Patrick Reilly. She called on her top student, Billy O'Shea, and asked Billy to use it in a sentence.
...

A great joke for a date (Also, my first post)

So a man, Bill takes a young lady, Kelly, on a date. He decides to take her to the carnival. Upon asking what she wants to do, Kelly says, "I want to get weighed."

A bit confused, the man takes her to the weighing station, where the man gets her weight right on the third guess.

Havin...

An Irish joke from Murphy (Best read drunk)

Kelly showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell over with joy. Kelly hadn’t been to church in years.

Enthused with Kelly’s presence, Father delivered an impassioned sermon on the Ten Commandments.
After Mass, skirts flying, Father caught up with Kelly at the church door. “Ke...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

''My God! What happened to you?'

''My God! What happened to you?'' the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.

''I got in a tiff with Riley.''

''Riley? He's just a wee fellow,'' the barkeep said, surprised. ''He must have had something in his hand.''

''That he did,'' Kelly said. '...

A good joke for a date

Joe takes Kelly to a carnival on a blind date. Joe asks, "what would you like to do first?" and Kelly replies, "I want to get weighed." So they visit the weight guesser who predicts that Kelly weighs 130 pounds. Since she only weighs 110 pounds, Kelly wins a stuffed animal.
Joe asks what she wou...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.