R Kelly is really changing the rap game

He takes the art out of rap artist

What do you get if you cross a pirate and a paedophile?

Arrr Kelly!

R.kelly says the recent accusations have ruined his relationship with his kids.

They must have been crushed to hear hes cheating on them.

What do R.Kelly and Walmart have in common?

They both have kids pants half off.

What chord do you play to get R. Kelly's attention?

B Minor.

​

I'll see myself out...

If R. Kelly was a computer file...

He'd be a .pdf file

Have you heard the Irish joke about R. Kelly?

It won’t take much time; it’s only a wee joke.

What did R. Kelly say to a new girl he met?

Urine for a treat

I asked R Kelly if he thought I was pretty.

He said "you're an eight"

What's R Kelly's favorite musical key?

A Minor

How did that video of R. Kelly get out?

It leaked.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So I heard R. Kelly couldn’t even put up $100k for bail.

He’s been pissing away all his money, apparently.

R. Kelly has been denied bail

The judge believed he was a flight risk.

My brother came up to me and asked if I knew what they say to Cosby's victims, he said "Stay woke". I asked what about R. Kelly's victims?

"Grow up"

I ran into R. Kelly while he was filling out a March Madness bracket.

He was picking primarily the 14s and 15s.

Turns out he’s really into #1 too.

What is the difference between a pirate and R. Kelly?

Pirates go for big booty

When CBS interviewed R. Kelly, he claimed "I love my kids"

However, he seems to also be in love with other people's kids as well

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why doesn't R Kelly have money to post bail?

Because he pissed it all away.

What’s the difference between R. Kelly and a small fencing sword?

One is a little rapier.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Lots of people are upset that R. Kelly posted bail, don't worry though

It's better to be pissed off than pissed on.

Who does R Kelly blame his current legal troubles on?

His body...

His mind was telling him no, but his body, his body was telling him yeeeehhhss.

Why should kids never have been allowed near R Kelly?

Well he ain’t PG13 Kelly, is he?

Did you know R Kelly trained to be a violinist from the age of 6?

Even back then, he was an excellent kiddie fiddler

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I heard that R Kelly criticised Justin Bieber's music.

He pissed off a lot of little girls.

What is R. Kelly’s favorite band?

Alice In Chains.

Why wouldn’t R. Kelly make a good blackjack dealer?

He hits on 17

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

R Kelly has been charged with sexual abuse

I guess there was something wrong with that bump and grind.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why was it so hard to get out of R. Kelly’s sex cult?

Because once you’re in, urine.

R. Kelly went from being trapped in a closet to being trapped in a courtroom.

Can’t wait for the sequel, trapped in a jail cell.

R Kelly likes his women like he likes his scotch

12 years old and mixed up with coke

What would you call it if 21 Savage and R. Kelly fought?

Alien vs. Predator

The weather tonight will be like R. Kelly

It will be getting into the teens.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do R. Kelly fans and Mormons have in common?

They both defend sexual predators.

I believe I can Fly, Bump and Grind, and Ignition by R Kelly were all written in the same key

A minor

What do R. Kelly and current temperatures have in common?

They're both in the teens.

R Kelly likes his girls like he likes his professional footballers

Young, fit, and not allowed to come out.

What's the difference between greyhound racing and R Kelly..?

The greyhounds wait for the hare.

In R.Kelly’s defense.....

He said that he didn’t see nothing wrong with a little bump-n-grind.....

R. Kelly certainly released some major Bangers throughout his career.

Its the minor banging that is the issue.

What has R. Kelly done more successfully than any other musician?

Using A minor

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How do you piss off everyone who knows Megyn Kelly today?

Dress up as Blackface Santa.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

R. Kelly has made a song denying any sexual misconduct charges that lasts 19 minutes.

Which is unusual because he usually insists on 18 or under.

So John Kelly claims that the lack of an ability to compromise led to the Civil War...

I wouldn’t say that’s 100% accurate, but at least 3/5ths.

so I hear r Kelly's music has been removed from Spotify for hate content

when asked what he thought of this he said. ''if I could turn back the hands of time,....

What is R. Kelly's favorite sandwich?

P&BJ

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's the difference between the Wrights brothers and R Kelly?

The Wrights brothers knew under the right circumstances and with the right vehicle design, they could fly.

R kelly pisses on 15 yr old girls.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A train ploughs into the side of a catholic girls school bus.

A train ploughs into the side of a Catholic girls school bus, killing them all. At the gates of heaven, st Peter asks the girls "have any of you ever touched a penis?"

The first girl, Paula, shyly says "I once touched the head of a penis with the tip of my finger." St Peter says "Okay, dip y...

Did you hear that Fergie and R. Kelly are collaborating on a new album?

They are calling their group the Black Guy Pees.

Lucky day for Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly.

Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly was watching the news when he witnessed something astounding. A young Syrian man had just thrown a hand grenade over 100 yards through the window of a building into a room that housed a sniper. He was so impressed that he had the man found and brought into t...

What does R. Kelly have in common with Malaysian Airlines?

They both think they can fly.

What do pirates call a rapist?

Arrr Kelly

I can't resist peeing on women.

It's my R. Kelly's heel.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Voice activated radio.

I just bought a voice activated stereo for my car. Whatever genre of music you say, it will play the most popular artist from that genre of all time.


I told my radio "Rap"

2 Pac started playing on the stereo.

I then told my stereo "Heavy Metal"

It blared Metallica...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a pirate sex offender?

Rrrrrr Kelly.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

what's the main difference between r.kelly and your average redditor?

there are some things r.kelly can't piss all over.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How does R.Kelly end a joke?

Ba dum *piss*

Why did Kelly fall off the swing?

She had no arms.


Knock Knock?

Who's there?

….Not Kelly.

Irish Airways

Good morning ladies and gentlemen, this is your capt'n S Murphy O'Sullivan welcoming you to Irish Airlines! We apologise for the 4 day delay in takin' off, sadly this was unavoidable due to to the bad weather and happy hour at Ó Ceallaighs' bar.

This is flight 367 to Shannon Airport, Landi...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Irishman in a bar hears a familiar accent, and says to the guy next to him "Are you Irish, then?"

"That I am"

"Well I''l be, let's have a whiskey! Where are you from?"

"Dublin"

"Me too!, That calls for another drink: Bartender!"

"Where in Dublin", says the other feller

"Temple Bar"

"Fuck Me! I went to school right there on Milligan Street"

"So d...

A religion teacher asks a question to his students

A religion teacher asks to his students in class: "If a human dies, which part of his body goes first to heaven?"

Anna puts up her hand and says: "The head".
The teacher replies: "And can you tell me why you think that?"
Anna says: "Because is the most upper part of our body, duh!"
"...

What do you call a pirate who's trapped in a closet?

Arrr Kelly

An Irish joke from Murphy (Best read drunk)

Kelly showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell over with joy. Kelly hadn’t been to church in years.

Enthused with Kelly’s presence, Father delivered an impassioned sermon on the Ten Commandments.
After Mass, skirts flying, Father caught up with Kelly at the church door. “Ke...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The name's Brown, B-R-O-W-N

A Texan went up to the airline check-in counter and boomed, "Howdy, ma'am. My name's Brown, spelled B-R-O-W-N. Ah'm from Dallas, Texas. Ah'm 6' 6", 275 pounds, white from the top of mah head to the tip of mah toes, and I hate the Irish."

Well, she didn't know what else to do, so she took his ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

In honour of St. Patrick's day, I present one of my best irish jokes.

Murphy is sitting at pub, downing the last pint. He turns to the boys and says "Alright, this is it for me. The witch at home'll beat me knowing im out all night"


He gives a wave, goes to hop off the bar stool and falls flat on his face. "My god, I haven't been this drunk in ages."
...

An Irish boys confession

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose Woman."

The Priest asks, "Is that you, little Timmy Shaughnessy?" "Yes, Father, it is. "

"And, who was the woman you were with," asked the Priest. "

"I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputatio...

A great joke for a date (Also, my first post)

So a man, Bill takes a young lady, Kelly, on a date. He decides to take her to the carnival. Upon asking what she wants to do, Kelly says, "I want to get weighed."

A bit confused, the man takes her to the weighing station, where the man gets her weight right on the third guess.

Havin...

A woman wakes her husband up at 2 AM, saying

"Quick, who's scored the highest number of goals in football, ever?"

"Klose", replied the groggy husband.

"And how many episodes of Breaking Bad are there in total?"

"Huh? Wait, let me...55, no, 62, there's 62 total episodes" he replied.

"Who was that girl in that 'Saved ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

''My God! What happened to you?'

''My God! What happened to you?'' the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.

''I got in a tiff with Riley.''

''Riley? He's just a wee fellow,'' the barkeep said, surprised. ''He must have had something in his hand.''

''That he did,'' Kelly said. '...

A good joke for a date

Joe takes Kelly to a carnival on a blind date. Joe asks, "what would you like to do first?" and Kelly replies, "I want to get weighed." So they visit the weight guesser who predicts that Kelly weighs 130 pounds. Since she only weighs 110 pounds, Kelly wins a stuffed animal.
Joe asks what she wou...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Penis Enlarger

My wife suggested I get a penis enlarger. So I did, she's 25 and her name is Kelly.

The first thing out of my mouth when I was very abruptly and rudely woken up by my neighbor blaring "Trapped in the Closet"...

"Ugh, that's the second worse way to be woken up by R-Kelly!"