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R. Kelly certainly released some major bangers throughout his career

Its the minor banging that was the issue.

R Kelly likes his women like he likes his scotch

12 years old and mixed up with coke

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So I heard R. Kelly couldn’t even put up $100k for bail.

He’s been pissing away all his money, apparently.

R. Kelly in the news again--tested positive for the COVID-15 virus

...apparently COVID-19 was a little too old for him.

All this rubbish about R. Kelly allegedly marrying a fifteen year old are ridiculous. Everyone knows he prefers twenty nine year olds.

Mostly because there are twenty of them.

What's the difference between greyhound racing and R Kelly..?

The greyhounds wait for the hare.

Alice brings her friend Kelly over to her house for the first time

They go into the kitchen where Alice offers her a cold soda and opens the fridge.

Kelly sees a pretty-looking cookie jar on the windowsill and goes to pick it up and admire it. "Wow, this is really beautiful." she muses as she opens the lid. "..but, uh.. what's this stuff inside it?"

"...

What key does R Kelly prefer to sing?

B minor.

I heard R Kelly is appealing his 30 year sentence.

Said he is gonna try to swap it for two 15's

R. Kelly had a chance to be a professional hockey player

But he doesn't like to score after the first period

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Why can’t you get out of a sex cult with R Kelly?

One you’re in, urine.

Kelly hobbled in to the bar on a crutch with one arm in a cast.

“My god! What happened to you?" the bartender asked.

“I got in a tiff with Riley.”

“Riley? He's just a wee fellow" the barkeep said, surprised. "He must have had something in his hand.”

“That he did" Kelly said, “A shovel it was.”

“Dear Lord. Didn't you have anything in y...

What’s the difference between R Kelly and a Tiger?

No one wants to see a tiger in a cage for the rest of its life.

BREAKING NEWS! R. Kelly has…

Tested positive for she-wasn’t 19

I lost a bet over what would happen to R. Kelly. He got 25 to life but

I believed he would fry

R. Kelly has asked to be released from prison after being concerned about catching COVID-19.

I bet if it was COVID-13 he wouldn't mind catching it at all.

What do R.Kelly and Walmart have in common?

They both have kids pants half off.

What did R. Kelly say to a new girl he met?

Urine for a treat

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Lots of people are upset that R. Kelly posted bail, don't worry though

It's better to be pissed off than pissed on.

R.Kelly has decided to contest his 30 year prison sentence

He wants it reduced to something below 14 years .

R Kelly is really changing the rap game

He takes the art out of rap artist

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R Kelly found guilty of 11 counts of sexual assault

Or 18, if you ask him to do the maths

Somali Pirates Can't Find Hidden Treasure Buried in 2007

A bunch of Somali pirates lost their hidden treasure. They last saw their hidden treasure in 2007. They tried everything, bloodhounds, radar, metal detectors, sonar. But they couldn't find their treasure.

One day, one of the pirates had a suggestion.

"Captain, we should break R ...

What kind of pirate pees on you?

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrr Kelly.

Why didn't R. Kelly catch Covid?

R. Kelly would have caught Covid if it were younger. But fortunately for him. Covid is 19.

R. Kelly has just tested negative for Covid 19

Bet if it was Covid 15 he'd be all over that though.

Why don’t R Kelly wins races?

Because he is always coming a little behind.

I believe I can Fly, Bump and Grind, and Ignition by R Kelly were all written in the same key

A minor

My brother came up to me and asked if I knew what they say to Cosby's victims, he said "Stay woke". I asked what about R. Kelly's victims?

"Grow up"

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R. Kelly has made a song denying any sexual misconduct charges that lasts 19 minutes.

Which is unusual because he usually insists on 18 or under.

R. Kelly has caught covid-19

though he would prefer covid-15

From now on instead of saying #1 or #2 for the bathroom

I'm going to call it an R. Kelly or Amber Heard

What is R. Kelly's favorite vegetable?

Black-eyed Peas

What chord must you play to get R. Kelly's attention?

B-minor.


I will see myself out.

R.kelly says the recent accusations have ruined his relationship with his kids.

They must have been crushed to hear hes cheating on them.

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What do you get if you cross a pirate and a paedophile?

Arrrrrrrr Kelly

What has R. Kelly done more successfully than any other musician?

Using A minor

Whis is R. Kelly excited by all this cold weather?

He kept hearing it was gonna be in the teens

R. Kelly went from being trapped in a closet to being trapped in a courtroom.

Can’t wait for the sequel, trapped in a jail cell.

R. Kelly has been denied bail

The judge believed he was a flight risk.

Drake, Onision, and R Kelly walk into a bar...

Drake, Onision, and R Kelly walk into a bar.

The bartender immediately gets them all a drink.

Drake asks the bartender why he didn’t ask for their ID.

The bartender says, “age is just a number around here.”

Why wouldn’t R. Kelly make a good blackjack dealer?

He hits on 17

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What do R. Kelly fans and Mormons have in common?

They both defend sexual predators.

My Mum is R.Kellys Biggest Fan

Mum: “I really love R.Kelly, he’s ahead of the game”

Me: “Yeah, his music is fantastic, I just hate him as a person, I can’t believe all the disgusting things he’s done”

Mum: “he’s a musician?”

I was playing bingo with R. Kelly...

Apparently B 13 is his favorite number

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Buck was selling his car and and girl name Kelly was interested in buying it. He said it’s $4,000. She thought a minute and said, “How about $3000 and a blow job?” He said that sounds great . . .

He was happy he got the Kelly Blew Buck price.

So John Kelly claims that the lack of an ability to compromise led to the Civil War...

I wouldn’t say that’s 100% accurate, but at least 3/5ths.

Why did Kelly Clarkson cross the road?

Because of you.

I asked R Kelly if he thought I was pretty.

He said "you're an eight"

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What does a party with R. Kelly and Michael Jackson always have?

Hee hee and Pee pee.

You sick fucks.

After R Kelly gets out of prison, he decides to go apply for a job at McDonald’s because it’s his favorite. The interviewer asked what separates him apart from others who applied?

He said, I believe I can fryyyyyy

Why should kids never have been allowed near R Kelly?

Well he ain’t PG13 Kelly, is he?

What do R. Kelly and current temperatures have in common?

They're both in the teens.

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R Kelly has been charged with sexual abuse

I guess there was something wrong with that bump and grind.

R Kelly likes his girls like he likes his professional footballers

Young, fit, and not allowed to come out.

In R.Kelly’s defense.....

He said that he didn’t see nothing wrong with a little bump-n-grind.....

Did you hear that Fergie and R. Kelly are collaborating on a new album?

They are calling their group the Black Guy Pees.

Lucky day for Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly.

Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly was watching the news when he witnessed something astounding. A young Syrian man had just thrown a hand grenade over 100 yards through the window of a building into a room that housed a sniper. He was so impressed that he had the man found and brought into t...

When CBS interviewed R. Kelly, he claimed "I love my kids"

However, he seems to also be in love with other people's kids as well

What did the FBI agent say to R Kelly upon his arrest?

Urine trouble now!

What is the difference between a pirate and R. Kelly?

Pirates go for big booty

Have you heard the Irish joke about R. Kelly?

It won’t take much time; it’s only a wee joke.

What does R. Kelly have in common with Malaysian Airlines?

They both think they can fly.

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I heard that R Kelly criticised Justin Bieber's music.

He pissed off a lot of little girls.

I heard that Kelly McGillis won’t be returning for Top Gun 2. Guess which other Top Gun actor won’t have a cameo in the sequel?

Goose.

What's R. Kelly's Wifi Password?

WiBelieveICanFi

What would you call it if 21 Savage and R. Kelly fought?

Alien vs. Predator

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A train ploughs into the side of a catholic girls school bus.

A train ploughs into the side of a Catholic girls school bus, killing them all. At the gates of heaven, st Peter asks the girls "have any of you ever touched a penis?"

The first girl, Paula, shyly says "I once touched the head of a penis with the tip of my finger." St Peter says "Okay, dip y...

Who does R Kelly blame his current legal troubles on?

His body...

His mind was telling him no, but his body, his body was telling him yeeeehhhss.

How does R. Kelly respond when girls ask for a rating on a ten scale?

Urinate

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Captain Blackbeard and his first mate Kelly capture a ship searching for precious jewels...

The ship is carrying three groups: guides, soldiers, and miners. They are transferring the three groups over in three boats. During the transfer, the boat with the guides capsizes, followed by the soldiers, but the miners cross safely.
A bloom of jellyfish passes by and stings the men in the wat...

I ran into R. Kelly while he was filling out a March Madness bracket.

He was picking primarily the 14s and 15s.

Turns out he’s really into #1 too.

What is R. Kelly’s favorite band?

Alice In Chains.

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I found out R. Kelly had sex with that girl because she reminded him of his mother

He has an Oedipiss complex.

What is R. Kelly's favorite sandwich?

P&BJ

so I hear r Kelly's music has been removed from Spotify for hate content

when asked what he thought of this he said. ''if I could turn back the hands of time,....

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How did R. Kelly's girlfriend feel when she found out he's into watersports?

She was pissed.

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How does R.Kelly end a joke?

Ba dum *piss*

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How do you piss off everyone who knows Megyn Kelly today?

Dress up as Blackface Santa.

Astronaut Scot Kelly grew 2 inches after being in space for a year

You'd think they'd be doing more important stuff in space other than measuring their weenies.

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what's the main difference between r.kelly and your average redditor?

there are some things r.kelly can't piss all over.

Why did Kelly fall off the swing?

She had no arms.


Knock Knock?

Who's there?

….Not Kelly.

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An Irishman in a bar hears a familiar accent, and says to the guy next to him "Are you Irish, then?"

"That I am"

"Well I''l be, let's have a whiskey! Where are you from?"

"Dublin"

"Me too!, That calls for another drink: Bartender!"

"Where in Dublin", says the other feller

"Temple Bar"

"Fuck Me! I went to school right there on Milligan Street"

"So d...

What do you call a pirate that likes golden showers?

ARRRRRRRRR Kelly

Did you hear about who went to DMX’s funeral?

There was Brenda, LaTisha (uh), Linda, Felicia (okay)
Dawn, LeShaun, Ines, and Alicia (ooh)
Theresa, Monica, Sharron, Nicki (uh-huh)
Lisa, Veronica, Karen, Vicky (damn)
Cookie, well I met her in a ice cream parlor (aight?)
Tonya, Dianne, Lori and Carla (okay)
Marina (uh) Selena (uh...

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