R. Kelly changed the rap game

He took the art out of rap artist.

Did you know R Kelly had a chance to be a professional Hockey player.

Only problem was he never wanted to score after the first period.

R. Kelly certainly released some major bangers throughout his career

Its the minor banging that was the issue.

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What does a party with R. Kelly and Michael Jackson always have?

Hee hee and Pee pee.

You sick fucks.

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Buck was selling his car and and girl name Kelly was interested in buying it. He said it’s $4,000. She thought a minute and said, “How about $3000 and a blow job?” He said that sounds great . . .

He was happy he got the Kelly Blew Buck price.

All this rubbish about R. Kelly allegedly marrying a fifteen year old are ridiculous. Everyone knows he prefers twenty nine year olds.

Mostly because there are twenty of them.

What chord do you play to get R. Kelly's attention?

B Minor.



I'll see myself out...

R Kelly likes his women like he likes his scotch

12 years old and mixed up with coke

Drake, Onision, and R Kelly walk into a bar...

Drake, Onision, and R Kelly walk into a bar.

The bartender immediately gets them all a drink.

Drake asks the bartender why he didn’t ask for their ID.

The bartender says, “age is just a number around here.”

What's R Kelly's favorite chord?

A Minor.

What key does R Kelly like to write his music in?

A Minor

R.kelly says the recent accusations have ruined his relationship with his kids.

They must have been crushed to hear hes cheating on them.

What do you get if you cross a pirate and a paedophile?

Arrr Kelly!

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Why was it so hard to get out of R. Kelly’s sex cult?

Because once you’re in, urine.

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Captain Blackbeard and his first mate Kelly capture a ship searching for precious jewels...

The ship is carrying three groups: guides, soldiers, and miners. They are transferring the three groups over in three boats. During the transfer, the boat with the guides capsizes, followed by the soldiers, but the miners cross safely.
A bloom of jellyfish passes by and stings the men in the wat...

How do you say R. Kelly in Korean??

So-Young Poon

What do R.Kelly and Walmart have in common?

They both have kids pants half off.

If R. Kelly was a computer file...

He'd be a .pdf file

What did R. Kelly say to a new girl he met?

Urine for a treat

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Why doesn't R Kelly have money to post bail?

Because he pissed it all away.

I was playing bingo with R. Kelly...

Apparently B 13 is his favorite number

I asked R Kelly what was required to be in his cult

He replied "you're in"

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So I heard R. Kelly couldn’t even put up $100k for bail.

He’s been pissing away all his money, apparently.

R. Kelly has been denied bail

The judge believed he was a flight risk.

There's a new Reddit sub for perverts

r/kelly

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Lots of people are upset that R. Kelly posted bail, don't worry though

It's better to be pissed off than pissed on.

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A train ploughs into the side of a catholic girls school bus.

A train ploughs into the side of a Catholic girls school bus, killing them all. At the gates of heaven, st Peter asks the girls "have any of you ever touched a penis?"

The first girl, Paula, shyly says "I once touched the head of a penis with the tip of my finger." St Peter says "Okay, dip y...

How did that video of R. Kelly get out?

It leaked.

I asked R Kelly if he thought I was pretty.

He said "you're an eight"

What’s the difference between R. Kelly and a small fencing sword?

One is a little rapier.

Have you heard the Irish joke about R. Kelly?

It won’t take much time; it’s only a wee joke.

My brother came up to me and asked if I knew what they say to Cosby's victims, he said "Stay woke". I asked what about R. Kelly's victims?

"Grow up"

I believe I can Fly, Bump and Grind, and Ignition by R Kelly were all written in the same key

A minor

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What do R. Kelly fans and Mormons have in common?

They both defend sexual predators.

Why should kids never have been allowed near R Kelly?

Well he ain’t PG13 Kelly, is he?

Why wouldn’t R. Kelly make a good blackjack dealer?

He hits on 17

Did you know R Kelly trained to be a violinist from the age of 6?

Even back then, he was an excellent kiddie fiddler

When CBS interviewed R. Kelly, he claimed "I love my kids"

However, he seems to also be in love with other people's kids as well

Whis is R. Kelly excited by all this cold weather?

He kept hearing it was gonna be in the teens

I ran into R. Kelly while he was filling out a March Madness bracket.

He was picking primarily the 14s and 15s.

Turns out he’s really into #1 too.

What is the difference between a pirate and R. Kelly?

Pirates go for big booty

What is R. Kelly’s favorite band?

Alice In Chains.

So John Kelly claims that the lack of an ability to compromise led to the Civil War...

I wouldn’t say that’s 100% accurate, but at least 3/5ths.

What would you call it if 21 Savage and R. Kelly fought?

Alien vs. Predator

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R Kelly has been charged with sexual abuse

I guess there was something wrong with that bump and grind.

What's the difference between greyhound racing and R Kelly..?

The greyhounds wait for the hare.

What do R. Kelly and current temperatures have in common?

They're both in the teens.

R Kelly likes his girls like he likes his professional footballers

Young, fit, and not allowed to come out.

R. Kelly went from being trapped in a closet to being trapped in a courtroom.

Can’t wait for the sequel, trapped in a jail cell.

In R.Kelly’s defense.....

He said that he didn’t see nothing wrong with a little bump-n-grind.....

What has R. Kelly done more successfully than any other musician?

Using A minor

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R. Kelly has made a song denying any sexual misconduct charges that lasts 19 minutes.

Which is unusual because he usually insists on 18 or under.

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How do you piss off everyone who knows Megyn Kelly today?

Dress up as Blackface Santa.

so I hear r Kelly's music has been removed from Spotify for hate content

when asked what he thought of this he said. ''if I could turn back the hands of time,....

What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? [NSFW]

R. Kelly doesn't bean on a garbanzo's face.

What is R. Kelly's favorite sandwich?

P&BJ

It so hot...

I’m sweating like R Kelly at a PTA meeting

Did you hear that Fergie and R. Kelly are collaborating on a new album?

They are calling their group the Black Guy Pees.

What does R. Kelly have in common with Malaysian Airlines?

They both think they can fly.

I can't resist peeing on women.

It's my R. Kelly's heel.

How does R. Kelly respond when girls ask for a rating on a ten scale?

Urinate

Lucky day for Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly.

Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly was watching the news when he witnessed something astounding. A young Syrian man had just thrown a hand grenade over 100 yards through the window of a building into a room that housed a sniper. He was so impressed that he had the man found and brought into t...

Astronaut Scot Kelly grew 2 inches after being in space for a year

You'd think they'd be doing more important stuff in space other than measuring their weenies.

What do you call a pirate that likes children?

ARRRRGGHHHH Kelly.

I like how you think.

Ms. Kelly is teaching her first grade class about addition and subtraction. As the lesson concludes, she calls on each student to answer a simple math problem. Finally, she gets to Johnny.

"Johnny," Ms. Kelly begins, "if there are six birds on a telephone wire and you shoot two, how many ar...

For 65 million years, the title for the most dangerous predator known to man was the T-Rex.

Now it’s R. Kelly.

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Voice activated radio.

I just bought a voice activated stereo for my car. Whatever genre of music you say, it will play the most popular artist from that genre of all time.


I told my radio "Rap"

2 Pac started playing on the stereo.

I then told my stereo "Heavy Metal"

It blared Metallica...

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An Irishman in a bar hears a familiar accent, and says to the guy next to him "Are you Irish, then?"

"That I am"

"Well I''l be, let's have a whiskey! Where are you from?"

"Dublin"

"Me too!, That calls for another drink: Bartender!"

"Where in Dublin", says the other feller

"Temple Bar"

"Fuck Me! I went to school right there on Milligan Street"

"So d...

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what's the main difference between r.kelly and your average redditor?

there are some things r.kelly can't piss all over.

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Me and my girlfriend were on the phone when the call suddenly cut out

I called her back and asked her if she was okay.
She said "Yeah, I'm fine. My call disconnected."


I said "that's a relief, I thought R.Kelly walked in and caught you on the phone."

Now she's pissed

Irish Airways

Good morning ladies and gentlemen, this is your capt'n S Murphy O'Sullivan welcoming you to Irish Airlines! We apologise for the 4 day delay in takin' off, sadly this was unavoidable due to to the bad weather and happy hour at Ó Ceallaighs' bar.

This is flight 367 to Shannon Airport, Landi...

A woman wakes her husband up at 2 AM, saying

"Quick, who's scored the highest number of goals in football, ever?"

"Klose", replied the groggy husband.

"And how many episodes of Breaking Bad are there in total?"

"Huh? Wait, let me...55, no, 62, there's 62 total episodes" he replied.

"Who was that girl in that 'Saved ...

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What do pirates call a rapist?

Arrr Kelly

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How does R.Kelly end a joke?

Ba dum *piss*

What do you call a pirate who's trapped in a closet?

Arrr Kelly

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The name's Brown, B-R-O-W-N

A Texan went up to the airline check-in counter and boomed, "Howdy, ma'am. My name's Brown, spelled B-R-O-W-N. Ah'm from Dallas, Texas. Ah'm 6' 6", 275 pounds, white from the top of mah head to the tip of mah toes, and I hate the Irish."

Well, she didn't know what else to do, so she took his ...

An Irish boys confession

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose Woman."

The Priest asks, "Is that you, little Timmy Shaughnessy?" "Yes, Father, it is. "

"And, who was the woman you were with," asked the Priest. "

"I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputatio...

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