R. Kelly certainly released some major bangers throughout his career

Its the minor banging that was the issue.

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So I heard R. Kelly couldn’t even put up $100k for bail.

He’s been pissing away all his money, apparently.

Did you know R Kelly had a chance to become a professional Hockey player?

The only problem was.. is that he never wanted to score after the first period.

R. Kelly in the news again--tested positive for the COVID-15 virus

...apparently COVID-19 was a little too old for him.

R Kelly likes his women like he likes his scotch

12 years old and mixed up with coke

What key does R Kelly prefer to sing?

B minor.

All this rubbish about R. Kelly allegedly marrying a fifteen year old are ridiculous. Everyone knows he prefers twenty nine year olds.

Mostly because there are twenty of them.

What's the difference between greyhound racing and R Kelly..?

The greyhounds wait for the hare.

R Kelly is really changing the rap game

He takes the art out of rap artist

What’s the difference between R Kelly and a Tiger?

No one wants to see a tiger in a cage for the rest of its life.

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R Kelly found guilty of 11 counts of sexual assault

Or 18, if you ask him to do the maths

I lost a bet over what would happen to R. Kelly. He got 25 to life but

I believed he would fry

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Why can’t you get out of a sex cult with R Kelly?

One you’re in, urine.

Why don’t R Kelly wins races?

Because he is always coming a little behind.

What did R. Kelly say to a new girl he met?

Urine for a treat

BREAKING NEWS! R. Kelly has…

Tested positive for she-wasn’t 19

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What do you get if you cross a pirate and a paedophile?

Arrrrrrrr Kelly

R. Kelly has asked to be released from prison after being concerned about catching COVID-19.

I bet if it was COVID-13 he wouldn't mind catching it at all.

R. Kelly has just tested negative for Covid 19

Bet if it was Covid 15 he'd be all over that though.

I believe I can Fly, Bump and Grind, and Ignition by R Kelly were all written in the same key

A minor

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Lots of people are upset that R. Kelly posted bail, don't worry though

It's better to be pissed off than pissed on.

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Buck was selling his car and and girl name Kelly was interested in buying it. He said it’s $4,000. She thought a minute and said, “How about $3000 and a blow job?” He said that sounds great . . .

He was happy he got the Kelly Blew Buck price.

Why didn't R. Kelly catch Covid?

R. Kelly would have caught Covid if it were younger. But fortunately for him. Covid is 19.

What is R. Kelly's favorite vegetable?

Black-eyed Peas

If R-Kelly was a computer file

He'd be a .pdf file

What chord must you play to get R. Kelly's attention?

B-minor.


I will see myself out.

What has R. Kelly done more successfully than any other musician?

Using A minor

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A train ploughs into the side of a catholic girls school bus.

A train ploughs into the side of a Catholic girls school bus, killing them all. At the gates of heaven, st Peter asks the girls "have any of you ever touched a penis?"

The first girl, Paula, shyly says "I once touched the head of a penis with the tip of my finger." St Peter says "Okay, dip y...

What do R.Kelly and Walmart have in common?

They both have kids pants half off.

My Mum is R.Kellys Biggest Fan

Mum: “I really love R.Kelly, he’s ahead of the game”

Me: “Yeah, his music is fantastic, I just hate him as a person, I can’t believe all the disgusting things he’s done”

Mum: “he’s a musician?”

My brother came up to me and asked if I knew what they say to Cosby's victims, he said "Stay woke". I asked what about R. Kelly's victims?

"Grow up"

I was playing bingo with R. Kelly...

Apparently B 13 is his favorite number

I can't resist peeing on women.

It's my R. Kelly's heel.

R.kelly says the recent accusations have ruined his relationship with his kids.

They must have been crushed to hear hes cheating on them.

Drake, Onision, and R Kelly walk into a bar...

Drake, Onision, and R Kelly walk into a bar.

The bartender immediately gets them all a drink.

Drake asks the bartender why he didn’t ask for their ID.

The bartender says, “age is just a number around here.”

R. Kelly has been denied bail

The judge believed he was a flight risk.

Why wouldn’t R. Kelly make a good blackjack dealer?

He hits on 17

So John Kelly claims that the lack of an ability to compromise led to the Civil War...

I wouldn’t say that’s 100% accurate, but at least 3/5ths.

I asked R Kelly if he thought I was pretty.

He said "you're an eight"

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What do R. Kelly fans and Mormons have in common?

They both defend sexual predators.

After R Kelly gets out of prison, he decides to go apply for a job at McDonald’s because it’s his favorite. The interviewer asked what separates him apart from others who applied?

He said, I believe I can fryyyyyy

What did the FBI agent say to R Kelly upon his arrest?

Urine trouble now!

When CBS interviewed R. Kelly, he claimed "I love my kids"

However, he seems to also be in love with other people's kids as well

Have you heard the Irish joke about R. Kelly?

It won’t take much time; it’s only a wee joke.

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R Kelly has been charged with sexual abuse

I guess there was something wrong with that bump and grind.

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R. Kelly has made a song denying any sexual misconduct charges that lasts 19 minutes.

Which is unusual because he usually insists on 18 or under.

R. Kelly went from being trapped in a closet to being trapped in a courtroom.

Can’t wait for the sequel, trapped in a jail cell.

Why should kids never have been allowed near R Kelly?

Well he ain’t PG13 Kelly, is he?

Did you know R Kelly trained to be a violinist from the age of 6?

Even back then, he was an excellent kiddie fiddler

What is the difference between a pirate and R. Kelly?

Pirates go for big booty

What do R. Kelly and current temperatures have in common?

They're both in the teens.

R Kelly likes his girls like he likes his professional footballers

Young, fit, and not allowed to come out.

In R.Kelly’s defense.....

He said that he didn’t see nothing wrong with a little bump-n-grind.....

Did you hear that Fergie and R. Kelly are collaborating on a new album?

They are calling their group the Black Guy Pees.

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Captain Blackbeard and his first mate Kelly capture a ship searching for precious jewels...

The ship is carrying three groups: guides, soldiers, and miners. They are transferring the three groups over in three boats. During the transfer, the boat with the guides capsizes, followed by the soldiers, but the miners cross safely.
A bloom of jellyfish passes by and stings the men in the wat...

What is R. Kelly’s favorite band?

Alice In Chains.

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I heard that R Kelly criticised Justin Bieber's music.

He pissed off a lot of little girls.

What does R. Kelly have in common with Malaysian Airlines?

They both think they can fly.

Did you hear about who went to DMX’s funeral?

There was Brenda, LaTisha (uh), Linda, Felicia (okay)
Dawn, LeShaun, Ines, and Alicia (ooh)
Theresa, Monica, Sharron, Nicki (uh-huh)
Lisa, Veronica, Karen, Vicky (damn)
Cookie, well I met her in a ice cream parlor (aight?)
Tonya, Dianne, Lori and Carla (okay)
Marina (uh) Selena (uh...

What would you call it if 21 Savage and R. Kelly fought?

Alien vs. Predator

Lucky day for Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly.

Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly was watching the news when he witnessed something astounding. A young Syrian man had just thrown a hand grenade over 100 yards through the window of a building into a room that housed a sniper. He was so impressed that he had the man found and brought into t...

There's a new Reddit sub for perverts

r/kelly

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How do you piss off everyone who knows Megyn Kelly today?

Dress up as Blackface Santa.

What is R. Kelly's favorite sandwich?

P&BJ

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what's the main difference between r.kelly and your average redditor?

there are some things r.kelly can't piss all over.

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How does R.Kelly end a joke?

Ba dum *piss*

so I hear r Kelly's music has been removed from Spotify for hate content

when asked what he thought of this he said. ''if I could turn back the hands of time,....

What do you call a pirate that likes golden showers?

ARRRRRRRRR Kelly

Astronaut Scot Kelly grew 2 inches after being in space for a year

You'd think they'd be doing more important stuff in space other than measuring their weenies.

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An Irishman in a bar hears a familiar accent, and says to the guy next to him "Are you Irish, then?"

"That I am"

"Well I''l be, let's have a whiskey! Where are you from?"

"Dublin"

"Me too!, That calls for another drink: Bartender!"

"Where in Dublin", says the other feller

"Temple Bar"

"Fuck Me! I went to school right there on Milligan Street"

"So d...

A woman wakes her husband up at 2 AM, saying

"Quick, who's scored the highest number of goals in football, ever?"

"Klose", replied the groggy husband.

"And how many episodes of Breaking Bad are there in total?"

"Huh? Wait, let me...55, no, 62, there's 62 total episodes" he replied.

"Who was that girl in that 'Saved ...

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