A boy with no legs tried to get attention from the baker across the street.

He loved the smell of pies wafting from the shop window, but since he had no legs, he cannot reach the baker.

So he wrote a message on a dollar note, folded it into a paper plane, and threw it across the street.

The baker turned his head and was surprised to see a paper dollar plane ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Slow Jimmy is slightly developmentally disabled, but he is a great baker.

One day his childhood friend Rachel comes into his bakery, hand in hand with another woman.

Rachel says, "Hi Jimmy, I'd like to introduce you to my fiancee who's also named Rachel. I've told her all about you and we'd love you to make our wedding cake."

Jimmy answers, "I'm not comfo...

A man walks in a bakery

in which the baker has only one hand. The customer see the baker rolls out the pizza dough on his chest because he has only one hand. So the surprised customer asks:" Damn, is this the way you make the pizza?", the bakery answers:"Oh man, you didn't see how i make donuts!"

You should never date a baker.

They’re too kneady.

A truck load of Tylenol spills onto a baker’s assistant in a terrible crash

The headline read: ‘Pills bury dough boy.’

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Baking one cake doesn’t make you a baker...

But if you fuck ONE horse...

Magic trick

An Englishman and a Scotsman go to a pastry shop.

The Englishman whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed.
The baker doesn't notice.

The Englishman says to the Scotsman:
"You see how clever we are? You'll never beat that!"

The Scotsman says to the Englishm...

Why did the baker have brown hands??

He kneaded a poo

What do you call a baker that quits his job?

A desserter

My local Baker says he can bake 20 loaves of bread in one hour with one small oven...

I said prove it.

Sherlock Holmes arrives back at Baker Street as Watson is heading out of the door.

"Where are you off to Watson?"

"Oh, I've got a date with Ella from down the road. She left me a note for where to meet." Says Watson, "see you in a few hours!" and he leaves, shutting the door behind him.

30 minutes later, Watson returns.

Sherlock is sitting in his chair, smok...

Did you hear about the kinky baker?

He was into roll play.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What does a horny baker use to pleasure themselves?

They use a Dill-Dough

Why was the baker arrested?

Excessive salt in batter

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Today I learned that your surname denotes your ancestor's occupation like Baker, Mason, or Potter

Someone definitely has to explain why our surname is Dickinson.

I was having the worst possible day. To cap it off my baker screwed up the topping of my birthday dessert!

It was the icing on the cake.

What did the french baker feel when his bakery collapsed on him?

Pain

How do you make a baker cry?

You kill his family.

Why did the baker ask for money?

He kneaded the dough

Did you know communist countries have the best bakers in the world?

People will line up for miles just to get a slice of their bread.

I see the local baker was enjoying his mild celebrity status in the town paper after saving a drowning man..

He was acting really flan buoyant .

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A baker heard someone scream from inside his oven as he lit a fire to get it going.

Looking inside, he saw that it was his assistant and helped him out. He then asked "What the hell were you doing in there!? You would have gotten baked!", to which the assistant replied "That's what I was trying to do, until you started the fire!"

A local Indian baker told me he thinks, lives, and breathes bread.

I told him that sounds like a bunch of Naan sense

Edward the baker, who died in his sleep, passed on his business to his son.

It was said that Ed, dead in his bed, led to Ted being head of the bread.

Why did the baker throw a loaf in the trash?

Because he didn't knead it

Bakers are desperate thieves.

(They really knead the dough.)

My mother's sister is an angry baker

She's my croissant

A baker bakes 73,247 baguettes in a year and sells each for $2.73. What does he make?

Bread.

A baker was kneading some dough...

...and as he kneaded, he counted each fold, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, twelve..."

The baker's wife interrupted, "You missed one there."

"No I didn't," replied the baker. "I'm making uneleavened bread."

What do you call a redhead baker?

A ginger bread-man!

Illinois bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge......

.....George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State
Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"

She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide...

Why do rednecks make the best bakers?

Cuz they’re inbred.

The Baker

A Baker specializing in making Rye bread is disheartened. He works long hours and while his wages are decent, they are nothing special. He wants to strike it rich and make something of himself.

He hears that a lot of money can be make for trapping in the Canadian wilderness so he sells his ba...

My great Grandpa was a baker in the army.

He went in all buns glazing.

Why did the Italian baker close shop?

Everything went a rye

How does a German Baker greet his customers?

Gluten Tag

What did the Gen Z baker yell when he tossed the dough?

YEEST

What did the Jamaican baker call his best friend?

Breadrin

Why was the Indian baker not concerned about his bread?

It was a naan issue

Why shouldn't you get in a fight with an Italian baker? 🇮🇹

Because he'll beat the focaccia.

What's an Italian baker's favourite book?

*Focaccia in the Rye*.

What do you call a red haired baker?

Ginger bread man

I bought a chessboard cake from the bakers last week.

Took one bite, looked up, and said "it's stale mate".

He seemed surprised, said "no, mate".

So I handed him the cake and said "check mate".

What do you call a baker holding a bag of sugar in each hand?

Ambidextrose

What did the bread dough say to the lonely baker?

It’s nice to be kneaded

Why was the German baker upset about his third cake of the day?

It was a little drei!

I asked my local baker for her amazing bread recipe.

She said it's on a knead to dough basis.

Did you hear the one about the baker who dominated the pastry competition through determination and superior sugar content?

He went in all buns glazing.

What do you call a baker who has no identity?

John Dough

An Indian baker was making a big deal about his bread...

...turns out it was a na'an issue.

What do Ginger Baker and 7/11 Coffee have in common?

They both suck without Cream.

A baker was smacked lightly with a baguette by his coworker.

He felt a small pain.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Many surnames come from the job people's ancestors used to have. For example, the Smith family were related to a smith, the Baker family were related to a baker and then there's the Dickinson family...

Who were related to people from Alabama.

The International League of Bakers is inviting countries which mainly export baked goods to join.

They're accepting dough nations.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

"Is your father a baker?"

"Why, because I have hot buns?"


"No, because you're fat as fuck"

Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump go into a bakery...

Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump go into a bakery.

As soon as they enter the bakery, Hillary steals three pastries and puts them in her pocket.
She says to Donald, "See how clever I am? The owner didn't see anything and I don't even need to lie.” I will definitely win the election.

...

What did the french baker say after a long day of work?

Jeez, I baguetting tired.

A baker gets caught stealing from the reigning champion the night before the Big Bake-off.

If you want to win, sometimes you got to take a whisk.

If you're looking for a well paying job, I'd suggest looking into becoming a baker.

I've heard they make a lot of dough.

I want to be a baker

My great grandfather was a baker, my grandfather was a baker and my dad was a baker.



I was bread for this.

I lost my job as a baker when I made a customer violently choke.

It was my manager's fault for telling me to put my hair in a bun.

Biology Lesson

Dr Adams is holding forth to his college students on biology and anatomy. "Miss Baker, can you tell me which part of the human body can expand by up to 10 times, and under what conditions?"

Miss Baker blushes furiously, and says, "That is not an appropriate question to ask a lady, and I will ...

No mixing utensils are allowed near the courthouse as the month-long case against the violent baker continues.

It's a whisk-free 30 day trial.

Where do bakers pick up their hookers?

The breadlight district

Why do bread bakers go to work every day?

They knead the dough.

Why is a baker's dozen 13 instead of 12?

In case one dozen come out right.

What did the baker do to punish his electrician son?

Beat him with a breadboard

A baker approaches a crime scene and asks the cop what happened...

"Sorry, that's on a knead to dough basis."

What is a baker's favorite joke?

A cinnamon pun.

What's a baker's favorite video game?

Red Bread Ryedemption

What Do I Look Like to You? (long)

A married couple moves into to a new home. After a few days, as the husband returns home from work, his wife says to him, “Honey, one of the pipes in the bathroom is leaking, could you fix it?”
“What do I look like, a plumber?” asks the husband, and goes to sleep.
A few days later, the wife on...

When do bakers stop making donuts?

When they get tired of the hole thing

A Baker, a Brickmaker, and a bombmaker are on a plane when one of the engines fail

The pilot asks them to throw anything they brought out the door to lighten the plane. The baker throws out a loaf of bread, the brickmaker throws out a brick, and the bombmaker throws out a bomb.

The plane crashes anyway and the pilot dies. Miraculously the 3 men survive. They start walking ...

A baker was training his protege in the kitchen.

The protege gets hungry and starts eating some dough he found on the counter. The baker gets mad and yells, "Hey! I kneaded that!"

Two Scotsmen walk past a baker

One turns to the other and says 'Is that a cake or a meringue?'

The other replies 'no you're right, it's a cake'

Why did the German baker call the police?

Everything in his bakery was stollen

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a female baker

A kneady bitch

Why did the baker get charged with arson?

Because he was skilled with pie roll techniques.

2 Original depressed baker jokes

Did you hear about the depressed baker who threw himself into his own oven?
Colleagues said it was a final act of self-loafing.

Did you hear about the depressed baker who went on a killing spree?
Witnesses said he came out all buns glazing.

Why did the baker work so hard?

He needed the dough

What did the French baker buy his wife to surprise her on Valentine's day?

BOO-lingerie

What's the difference between Justin Trudeau and a baker?

While a dozen can go from 12 to 13, it's the other way around for the regions of Canada.

RIP ALBERTA

A baker once gave me the secret to dill flavoured bread

"You really gotta knead that dill dough"

People often ask me why I decided to become a baker.

It's because I knead the dough.