Baker Jokes

Because she caught him giving away too many creampies!

Gluten tag

He just burst in there, buns glazing!

He was in a lot of pain.

He was carrying a box of lemons in his arms.

When Doctor Watson saw the box, he asked "Well where did those come from?"


And Holmes answered "A lemon tree, my dear Watson."

He spent a dozen weeks in custardy

… he was given confidential information on a knead the dough basis

He lost the custardy battle.

He's a loafer, not a fighter.

Whoever it was, I'm sure they knead it more than I did.

Asked about their love, he replies “this here is all I knead”

The next day the duck returned to the bakery and ask again: "hi do you have some seeds?", "No, this is a bakery duck, we don't sell seeds here..."
And so the duck keep on going to the bakery every day and ask for some seeds. One day the baker had enough. "Listen duck", he said, "We don't sell se... read more

He was a pure bread.

They had a lot of practice working with dough.

He was in a lot of pain.

l knead you.

They'll be selling stake and kidknee pies.

It looks like they’ve finally overthrown the pastryarchy

The topic was a naan-starter.

He said "It's a knead two dough basis..."

"Where are you off to Watson?"

"Oh, I've got a date with Ella from down the road. She left me a note for where to meet." Says Watson, "see you in a few hours!" and he leaves, shutting the door behind him.

30 minutes later, Watson returns.

Sherlock is sitting in his chair, smok... read more

The wife asks him: ‘Honey could you take a look at the bathroom door, it seems a little stuck’

‘Do I look like a carpenter?’

‘And the toilet is also clogged.. i’d take a look at that as well’

‘Do I look like a plumber?’

‘Oh and theres a tile loose on our kitchen floor’... read more

A contention convection confection convention

Husband laughs and asks "So what kind of pie did you bake him?"

Wife replies "What am I, a baker?"

He asks the baker, "do you make fish cakes?".

The slightly confused baker replies that they don't.

"That's a shame", replies the man. "It's his birthday today".

One was a baker and one was a poet,
She had to make up her mind for batter or verse.

Bun intended

They gave me 8. (8 year Cake Day).

I know a guy who's a baker in the army. He goes into battle all buns glazing.


Sorry sorry. Bad one.

They ran out of dough.

That’s exactly what I kneaded!

He is very excited as this is his first venture since qualifying. He sells ok on everyday items like bread, but runs into trouble with his 'special items'. One day he makes beautiful cakes, however his customers only want pastries that day. So the next day he makes pastries, but now they want muffin... read more

He'll beat the focaccia.

Pure Bread Dough-bermann.

A housewife approached her husband with an issue with the door;
"Darling can you check the shower?"
He replies, "I'm not a plumber."
She asks him about the cupboard door which has been broken and needs replacement, "Darling can you check the cupboard door? It may need to be replaced."
"... read more

He always said he wanted me to be a baker too, he told me I was bread for baking. I never tried it because I wanted to do it for the right reasons, not just because I knead the dough... then I found out that he was killed... a new baker put too much yeast in a large batch of dough and it rose too mu... read more

They make the best batters

The second pie says "AAHHH A TALKING PIE!"

Because he kneaded the dough

It was his cake day!

A Tira-masseuse.

Don't go. I knead you

“Hey, you focaccia bread!”

Success baguettes success.

It was the end of the school year, and a teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.

The florists son handed her a wrapped gift. She gently shook it, held it overhead and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers." "Thats right!", the boy said, "But, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess" ... read more

To which the baker replies "no, you're not wrong, it's a Doughnut."

and orders 99 loaves of bread. Dumbfounded the baker asks:"Why don't you just buy 100?", to which the man replies: Who could eat that many loaves of bread?

A ginger bread man.

Just came up with this. Sorry for your eyes.

My brother just started baking and told me this:

“I’ve gotten so good at baking so fast! Wanna know why?”

Me: “Why?”

“ITS A PIECE OF CAKE!”

Happy cake day to me!

Took one bite, looked up, and said "it's stale mate".

He seemed surprised, said "no, mate".

So I handed him the cake and said "check mate".

He's handed his rota and his eyes lighten up: "Great, it's dinner-roll day!". The supervisor is puzzled to see such enthusiasm for so mundane a task as baking dinner rolls, but sure enough, the new guy goes to it with zest and panache and is soon turning out dinner rolls the like of which the superv... read more

He goes to the counter and asks the baker: “you got cucumber pie?” The baker answers: “We don’t, sorry”

The next day, the same boy goes to the same bakery, walks to the counter and asks the baker: “you got cucumber pie?” Again, the baker answers “we still don’t, sorry!”

After the kid l... read more

They give me the crepes.

"It's not a problem, it's the yeast I could dough."

His buns were toasted.

Customer is disgusted when she sees a baker crimping a pie with his false teeth.
“Have you now got a tool for that job, you filthy pig”
“Yes, I use that for the doughnuts!!

...he said, "you can't just want it, you gotta knead it!"

Road bread.

He got tired of the HOLE business

Pie ho! Pie ho! It’s off to work I go!

They really knead it.

He was into roll play.

The cake cake cake

Because he kneads the dough.

Because he kneaded a poo

He would then take the ashes and sell them in clay vases.

I wouldn't think he would be able to make much money from that, but I guess he found away to urn some dough.

A Chet Baker

To this day, I do not understand why she tried to teach us that 6 + 6 equals 13.


^^inspired ^^by ^^Mitch ^^Hedberg

He loved the smell of pies wafting from the shop window, but since he had no legs, he cannot reach the baker.

So he wrote a message on a dollar note, folded it into a paper plane, and threw it across the street.

The baker turned his head and was surprised to see a paper dollar plane ... read more

.....George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State
Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"

She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide... read more

He said, "It's a piece of cake!"

For when they knead a poo

Let he who is without sin cast the first scone.

And that was baking.

What, did you honestly think I am skilled enough to make a cake day joke on my first cake day.

PANINI !

Because the cake is the best way to get karma.

The baker was making some chocolate chip muffins for her and her one friend, after some time she putted the muffins into the oven and set to bake.

after several minutes,

the one muffin said: Good Grief it's hot in here!

the other muffin said: Good Grief, a talking muffin!?

Of course you haven’t . No one has for years .

If you ask him he will give you 13 Reasons Why.

He didn't want to whisk it.

He didn't feel kneaded anymore.

She has a lot of experience selling pain.

It was fascinating....

I love the pitta patter of tiny Pete.

...Because he told everyone he had the pain de Mick at his boulangerie

They both suck without CREAM

A pastry.

A crepist.

Oh crepe

He loves to experiment with new and bold combinations when making his creations.

One day, he mixes a whole new set of ingredients never been mixed before and bakes a very strange looking loaf of bread.

After pulling it out of the oven, the bread pops up and comes to life, begging Jam... read more

Kill his family

They’re too kneady.

In case one dozen come out right.

One turns to the other and says 'Is that a cake or a meringue?'

The other replies 'no you're right, it's a cake'

Stop dropping rolls

The baker looks up suspiciously and says, "Yeah, prove it."