Why did the baker become a theif?

Because he kneaded the dough

What do you call an Italian baker who gives backrubs?

A Tira-masseuse.

What did the Umpire say to the Baker after throwing the cake mix into the air?

"Badder Up!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The best bakers use real butter so . . . .

there is no margarine for error.

French pastry bakers are scary.

They give me the crepes.

What do you call a very bad baker who gets distracted by trumpets

A Chet Baker

What did the italian baker say to the paramedics after the mafia broke his knees with a pan?

PANINI !

Have you heard the one about the retired baker

Of course you haven’t . No one has for years .

Why did the baker stop making donuts

He got tired of the HOLE business

What did Jesus say to the crowd of bakers?

Let he who is without sin cast the first scone.

Did you hear about the baker who robbed a bank?

He just burst in there, buns glazing!

I asked the baker if it was hard cutting the cake into equal slices

He said, "It's a piece of cake!"

What does an adventurous baker give you during a car ride?

Road bread.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes into a baker's shop

A  Man goes into a baker's shop and asks for two bread rolls. The shopkeeper picks up two rolls with a pair of tongs and puts them in a paper bag.

The man then asks for two cakes. Again, the shopkeeper picks them up with the tongs and puts them in the bag.

The man says, "It’s nice to s...

Why did the Sourdough Man break up with the Baker?

He didn't feel kneaded anymore.

What did the Italian baker say when a customer left her bread on the counter?

“Hey, you focaccia bread!”

What did one bored Baker say to the other?

You knead to have fun.

A Scottish man walks into a bakery and says "excuse me, is that a doughnut or a meringue?”

To which the baker replies “No you're right enough it's a doughnut"

What did Raichu say to the baker?

Rye Chew

Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?

His buns were toasted.

Why do bakers always go to heaven?

Because the cake is the best way to get karma.

Why did the Baker have brown knuckles?

Because he kneaded a poo.

Why do Bakers need a separate toilet?

For when they knead a poo

Why did the baker mix in his flour slowly instead of doing it quickly?

He didn't want to whisk it.

What do you call an Irish baker?

A ginger bread man.

Just came up with this. Sorry for your eyes.

I met this really short man called Peter the other day. He's a baker and he was telling me all about baking flat breads...

It was fascinating....

I love the pitta patter of tiny Pete.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wife is tired of all the problems that need fixing in her house

She asks her husband, "Can you please fix the leak in the bathroom? ", the husband says "Do i look like a plumber?"

She asks him "Well can you please fix the light in the living room, its been flickering for ages?", he replies "Do i look like and electrician?"

Growing tired she asks hi...

So there was this Baker who did a favor for his friend. The friend said "thank you very much, I really appreciate it." The baker replied.

"It's not a problem, it's the yeast I could dough."

Why did all the ladies love the local baker?

He was making that bread

There once was a baker with only one speciality.

And that was baking.

What, did you honestly think I am skilled enough to make a cake day joke on my first cake day.

Why does a French baker make a great a dominatrix?

She has a lot of experience selling pain.

Did you hear about the French baker whose bakery collapsed on him?

He was in a great deal of pain.

Why did the baker rob the bank?

Because he kneads the dough.

What's a baker's favourite tree?

A pastry.

What did the baker sing on the way to bakery?

Pie ho! Pie ho! It’s off to work I go!

A baker decided to bake some muffins the afternoon

The baker was making some chocolate chip muffins for her and her one friend, after some time she putted the muffins into the oven and set to bake.

after several minutes,

the one muffin said: Good Grief it's hot in here!

the other muffin said: Good Grief, a talking muffin!?

What do you do if you can't find a cobbler?

You get the baker to fix your choux.

What does coffee share in common with Ginger Baker (drummer)?

They both suck without CREAM

Which martial art is the bakers favorite?

Tae Kwon Dough

You should tip bakers often.

They really knead it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One Saturday night, John and William conspired to steal a crate of rolls from the baker

As they wondered where to take their stolen loot, John suggested the cemetery, as no clear headed person would dare to take a Saturday night stroll among the graves.

Upon arriving at this questionable hangout, the gate proved to be quite a cumbersome obstacle to overcome. In the mad scramble ...

How Does A German Baker Say Hello?

Gluten tag!

I asked my friend the baker what is the key to being successful in the business and making good bread...

...he said, "you can't just want it, you gotta knead it!"

A new guy starts work at a bakery.

He's handed his rota and his eyes lighten up: "Great, it's dinner-roll day!". The supervisor is puzzled to see such enthusiasm for so mundane a task as baking dinner rolls, but sure enough, the new guy goes to it with zest and panache and is soon turning out dinner rolls the like of which the superv...

Why Was The Baker So Depressed About Purchasing Containers That Only Fit 12 Donuts?

If you ask him he will give you 13 Reasons Why.

Why did Mick, the French baker, have to self-isolate? [Genuine OC, I promise]

...Because he told everyone he had the pain de Mick at his boulangerie

I’ve heard a lot of puns in my lifetime, some great, others horrible

But I think the one about the kleptomaniac baker really takes the cake.

Happy cake day to me

A guy walks into a hindu bakery...

The guy said, "tomorrow's my girlfriend's birthday, but I'm a bit short on cash, what's your cheapest cake?"

Baker responded, "come back tomorrow, and I'll have one ready for you at no cost."

Skeptical, the guy almost didn't return. But the next day he was passing by and walked in. T...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cakepilation

For my cake day I'm going to repost everything I can think of that fits into the category of cake-related jokes! You've heard them all anyway, who cares?



What did the cake say to the fork? You wanna piece of me?

What do you eat if you 3.142 cakes? You get fat. Pay attention, ...

A young man has finished his first shift as a baker

When he comes home his dad asks him, "Have you earned any dough?"

Simpsons

Its too bad homer was never a baker, hed be good working with all the D'oh

My great grandad was a baker in the army during WW1

Apparently he went in all buns glazing

Did you hear about the writer who became a baker?

They say he makes excellent synonym rolls.

Sherlock Holmes arrives back at Baker Street as Watson is heading out of the door.

"Where are you off to Watson?"

"Oh, I've got a date with Ella from down the road. She left me a note for where to meet." Says Watson, "see you in a few hours!" and he leaves, shutting the door behind him.

30 minutes later, Watson returns.

Sherlock is sitting in his chair, smok...

Did you hear about the kinky baker?

He was into roll play.

What do you call a baker that molests women?

A crepist.

A man walks into a bakery on March 14th

He orders some pie, the baker thinks its clever and gets him some pie. The next day the man comes back and says the pie was great and orders a different flavor. He does this every day for 350 days. The baker running out of ideas for flavors sees the man come in on Feb 27th.

He says, man look ...

I met a baker who purposefully burnt his bread.

He would then take the ashes and sell them in clay vases.

I wouldn't think he would be able to make much money from that, but I guess he found away to urn some dough.

Did you hear about the French baker who fell into the bread mixer and no one noticed?

He's in quite a lot of pain.

Did you hear about the guy that worked for Hostess bakery and tried unsuccessfully to get a job at Tropicana?

Everyone knows that bakers can't be juicers.

A wife is asking her husband for help.

First she asks if he can help fix her car.
“I’m not a mechanic” he replies.

Next she asks if he can fix the faucet in the kitchen.
“I’m not a plumber” he says.

Lastly she asks if he can help fix the broken cupboard door.
“I’m not a carpenter” he says.


The foll...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jebediah the shepherd wanted to make a statement about bullying and stood up at the town meeting.

"Friends, there is a cruel and unfair practice that is infiltrating our community. You may not have noticed, but it is here and it is doing grave damage to my sense of well being and comfort in our beautiful village.

Perhaps Englebert has noticed? The man who bakes our bread every day, who f...

In grade school, I had a math teacher named Mrs. Baker...

To this day, I do not understand why she tried to teach us that 6 + 6 equals 13.


^^inspired ^^by ^^Mitch ^^Hedberg

A boy with no legs tried to get attention from the baker across the street.

He loved the smell of pies wafting from the shop window, but since he had no legs, he cannot reach the baker.

So he wrote a message on a dollar note, folded it into a paper plane, and threw it across the street.

The baker turned his head and was surprised to see a paper dollar plane ...

Why do all bakers marry their sisters?

Because they are in bread.

Did you hear about the baker who was accused of stealing bagels?

He told them they needed proof

What do you call an Indian Baker in a warzone?

A Naan Combatant.

Never date a baker

They’re too kneady.

What's the difference between a Baker and a Podiatrist?

One feels the heat, the other heals the feet.

An Englishman and an Irishman walk into a bakery

As they are standing at the counter, the Englishman quietly picks up 3 buns stows them away in his pocket.

He turns slightly towards the Irishman, saying quietly, "That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The baker didn't even see me."

The Irishman scoffed back, "That's jus...

What did the fireman say to the clumsy baker?

Stop dropping rolls

I bought a chessboard cake from the bakers last week.

Took one bite, looked up, and said "it's stale mate".

He seemed surprised, said "no, mate".

So I handed him the cake and said "check mate".

A guy walks into a bakery with an elephant and puts a piece of bread in each of it's ears.

The baker asks just what the heck are you doing?? He replies 'None of your business what i put in my sandwiches.'

What does a French baker say when they made a mistake?

Oh crepe

Where do the best bakers in the city live?

The yeast end.

When I was a kid, my father showed me a world of pain

I know he sounds like a monster, but he was just a French baker

Did you hear about the German Baker that...

... was arrested for handling Stollen goods?

What do bakers make dill bread from?

Dill dough.

A elderly lady walks into a bakery and asks the baker for chocolate cake.

He politely replies that they are out of chocolate.

She says fine, I'll have chocolate muffins.

The baker says, I'm sorry but we are out of chocolate.

She says, ok how about some chocolate cookies?

The baker somewhat annoyed asks the lady. Tell me something, where do find...

You’ve heard of a baker’s dozen (13) but how about a German’s ten?

Its Nein.

In addition to being a pacifist, Gandhi was a baker.

Because of this, he made a lot of Naan-violence.

Why did the Stock Broker quit his job to become a Baker?

He overheard some great advice. "BUY DOUGH, SELL PIE!"


....I'll see myself out.

A customer walks into a bakery and orders a loaf of bread. As the baker wraps the loaf, the customer says, "You know, I bake my own bread at home, but they come out dense."

The baker looks up suspiciously and says, "Yeah, prove it."

A baker I know got rich by accident and now he’s rolling in dough.

No bun intended

The baker

I said to the baker..
"How come all your cakes are 50p and that one's £1"
He said..." that's Madeira cake"

I keep trying to kill this one baker

But every time I do, he rises from the bread!

I say to a baker “All your cakes are 50 pence except that one which is £1. Why’s that?” ...

“Arhh! That’s Madeira cake!” The baker replies.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today I learned that your surname denotes your ancestor's occupation like Baker, Mason, or Potter

Someone definitely has to explain why our surname is Dickinson.

Did you hear about the Kung Fu Baker?

If people tried to rob his bakery, he would beat the up and throw frosting at them yelling CAKE this!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know what I said to the baker who told me he had a cock made of bread?

Proof it.

Illinois bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge......

.....George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State
Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"

She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide...

What did the ambitious baker with a speech impediment say to his young apprentice?

Nothing whisked, nothing gained.

Cake day joke in these times

Q: What do you call a baker with a cold?

A: Coughee cake

What do you call a baker that quits his job?

A desserter

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.