Robert, age 80, always wanted a pair of authentic Texas cowboy boots.

So, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "notice anything different about me?"

Margaret, Age 75, looked him over. "Nope."

Frustrated, Robert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and wal...

Robert Pattinson is playing the next batman.

I guess he's a vampire bat now.

Robert Mueller gets drunk after the report is released.

He convinces Jim Comey and Andrew McCabe to accompany him downtown but he can’t seem to make up his mind where to go. He crosses the street from one pub to another. People gather to watch as he strides back and forth.

Knowing that Mueller is a man of few words, they ask Comey what’s going on...

Somehow it looks like Robert Kraft will get away with his little massage parlor incident...

This isn't the first time he got off...

I ordered a steak prepared à la Robert Kraft at a steakhouse outside Gilette Stadium.

It was well-aged meat, massaged with an Asian rub, publicly grilled and roasted.

Robert Kraft doesn't always have a use for massage parlors.

But sometimes they come in handy.

Stranger: "Bob? Is that short for Robert?"

Bobert: "No."

This St. Patrick's Day, Julia Roberts has a new movie coming out. It's about a woman who fights to expose the toxic levels of green beer.

It's called Erin Go Bragh-kovich.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Robert Kraft facing charges of soliciting a prostitute just means...

That once again the Patriots are tied to a scandal involving deflated balls.

An Indian scientist was collaborating with an American called Robert

Both of them being genetic researchers, they had reached a breakthrough in rice where a gene introduced would help it grow in the most adverse of conditions. They called it Victory gene, or V gene for short.

But Robert decided to steal the credit for himself, so he stole the v gene, and escap...

People are giving Robert Kraft a hard time for paying someone to give him a tug, but let's be honest...

Giving _yourself_ a tug isn't that comfortable when you've got 6 rings on.

What is Robert Kraft's favorite football play?

The rub and tug in the end zone.

Robert Kraft’s lawyer:

It’s gonna cost you a whole lot more for me to get you off, big guy.

New England Patriots’ Robert Craft is charged with soliciting prostitution.

He just wanted to show the masseuse where he wears his 6th super bowl ring.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why does Robert Kraft only pay prostitutes $499.75 even though they charge $500?

He refuses to play without a quarter back

Robert Johnson, a CEO for a large corporation, is arrested and sentenced to 25 years in prison for white collar crimes.

On his first day behind bars, Robert nervously walks into the Chow Hall at lunch time and starts taking in the scenery. Realizing that he’s going to spend the next 25 years surrounded by murderers, rapists, and other violent criminals, he uncomfortably gets his tray of food and starts looking for a ...

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If robert frost was bisexual...

He would have gone both ways.

What's Robert Kraft's favorite wing flavor?

Dry rub!

Robert Kraft - 7 rings.

Robert Kraft:

- 2001 Super Bowl Ring
- 2003 Super Bowl Ring
- 2004 Super Bowl Ring
- 2014 Super Bowl Ring
- 2016 Super Bowl Ring
- 2018 Super Bowl Ring
- 2019 Prostitution Ring

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Patriots owner Robert Kraft charged with solicitation of prostitution

‪Robert Kraft ought to open his own chain of rub-n-tug parlors called Kraft’s Singles. “Your balls deflated or your money back!”‬

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Robert Downey Jr and Benedict Cumberbatch both got constipation

No shit, Sherlock

Ever since Robert was a child

He had a fear of someone under his bed at night.

So he went to a Psychiatrist and told him "I've got problems.
Every time I go to bed
I think there's somebody under it.
I'm scared.
I think I'm going crazy."

"Just put yourself in my hands for one year", said the psy...

What did Robert Palmer say to the light when he flipped the wrong switch?

I didn't mean to turn you on.

Robert De Niro has six children,

That’s mucho de niro.

Robert goes down to the mega church on Sunday.

He waits in line for his turn and asked the televangelist to pray for his hearing. After 3 minutes of violent shaking of his head by his ears and trying to push him backwards the preacher asks, "hows your hearing?" Then Robert replies " well my hearing is not until Wednesday at the courthouse".

Robert called home one afternoon to see what his wife was making for dinner

*"Hello?"* said a little girl's voice.


*"Hi, honey, it's Daddy,"* said Robert. *"Is mommy near the phone?"*


*"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with uncle Frank."* After a brief pause, he said, *"But you don't have an Uncle Frank, honey!"*

*"Yes I do. He's upsta...

Heard about the Robert E Lee statue at Duke University campus?

[removed]

Robert died...

He was working on the local brewery and fell inside the beer tank, drowning. It is believed he didn't suffer as footage shows him leaving the tank twice to take a leak.

[L] My friend Robert took some stuff to the dry cleaner the other day.

My friend Robert (Bob, if you want) took some stuff to the dry cleaner the other day. Nothing out of the ordinary: some shirts, a jacket, and his favorite pair of shorts. Now, you should know: Robert isn’t the fittest of my friends — he’s what we affectionately refer to as “husky”, and IMO the short...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My uncle Robert was a shit ventriloquist

He used to stick his hand up my arse and tell me to say nothing

"Yesterday, my wife left me for my best friend"

"Who is your best friend?"

"Robert"

"Since when is Robert your best friend?"

"Yesterday."

[Long] Robert married Jenny....

Robert , 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old . . .

Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Robert should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together....

If Robert Kardashian hadn't gotten OJ off,

eventually one of his daughters would have.

Donald Trump, Robert Mueller, and Vladimir Putin find themselves standing at the Pearly Gates.

“Are we dead?”, Mueller asks.

“No,” Saint Peter says. “You’ll be going back shortly. I need to correct a mistake that was made before any of you were born. We mixed up your names! See,” he turns to Mueller, “you were supposed to be named Trump, to symbolize how, like a Trumpet, you are to s...

Robert Mueller has uncovered that Donald Trump dropped Quaaludes with the entire USSR hockey team prior to their stunning defeat to the US at the 1980 Olympics "Miracle on Ice" in Lake Placid, NY. So what's the crime in that?

He quaalluded with the Russians

White Nationalist should honor the true legacy Robert E. Lee

And surrender.

A friend asked Robert Plant why he didn't like reddit

He answered: "I couldn't get no silver, I couldn't get no gold..."

Robert Khardasian was OJ Simpson's lawyer

And thus began the family tradition of getting black men off.

My dad has a brother named Robert

I guess Bob's my uncle.

So Robert Frost and his wife are lost in the woods

Robert Frost remarks to his wife "We've got miles to go before we sleep"
And his wife replies "Well maybe if we hadn't taken the road less traveled by we'd be there already"

So apparently Robert Downy Jr came out as trans recently,

I had a feeling he was Fe-male

If Robert Duvall had everything stolen from him, what would that make him?

Rob Duvall his possessions

Why is Robert Palmer bad at tennis?

He's addicted to love

Robert walks into the bar down the street from his house...

He proceeds to drink his fill and is quite drunk, tries to stand up, gets his feet and proceeds to fall face first onto the floor. Jake the barkeep says "Robert can I help you get home?" No No Robert replies, my wife will be home in the morning and I need to get home so she doesn't she suspect any...

A man walks into a bar

The man, named Robert Mueller, scowls and asks, "Why the hell do you keep getting in my way, William?"

3 celebrities are going to a costume party. They decided to have musician themed costumes.

Tom Cruise says, "I'll be Mozart." Robert Downey Jr. day's "I'll be Beethoven." Arnold Swarznegger says, "I'll be Bach."

Why did Robert Oppenheimer's wife go to the beach naked?

There was no bikini atoll

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Robert is heart broken

Robert recently broke up with his long term girlfriend and became extremely depressed and decided to go out for a drink.

As he walks into bar and orders a drink, he notices a man slouched in the corner booth a thin, pale, nerdy looking fellow with a hot blonde bombshell of a woman.

Rob...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Robert Plant, Paul McCartney, and Mick Jagger convene once a year to discuss all the great foods they've found travelling the globe on tour.

Robert is the first to excited reveal his 'big find'. He takes out a little pie tray from a brown paper bag and places it on the table.

"It's a pastry of some kind from Tanzania. It's akin to what we call a quiche, but uses yak cheese and quail eggs instead!"

"Fascinating" says Paul, w...

Me and my friends have achieved the level of Led Zeppelin's members in musicianship.

The drummer plays the drums like Jimmy Page, the guitarist plays the guitar like John Bonham, the bassist plays the bass like Robert Plant and I sing like John Paul Jones.

Why is Robert Pattison so pale?

There's no sunlight in the closet.

While Roger Waters

Robert Plants

Ogden Nash and Robert Frost die and are facing St. Peter at the Pearly Gates...

St. Peter doesn't recognize them and asks for identification. They both respond that they are great poets from Earth and are surprised that they're not recognized. St. Peter challenges them - "If you're such great poets. let me hear you form a rhyme for "Timbuktu".

The poets think for a mom...

My friend Robert showed me a cross between a cabbage and a turnip...

I said, "That's cool, Robbie!"

Update on Robert from the Paid a Homeless Lady in Nashville $1 for 2 Jokes

Thread: http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/1rwb5t/i_paid_a_homeless_lady_in_nashville_1_for_two/ 2nd and 4th posts.

I received information today that Robert passed away in San Diego in August. This is the only information I will post.

Mods, if you don't mind letting this one camp a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

what’s one similarity between prostitutes and Tom Brady?

they both deflate Robert Kraft’s balls

In high school, what was Robert E Lee voted?

Most likely to secede

Little Johnny asks the teacher

,“Mrs Roberts, can I be punished for something I haven’t done?” - Mrs Roberts is shocked, “Of course not, Johnny, that would be very unfair!” - Little Johnny is relieved, “OK Mrs Roberts, sorry, I haven’t done my homework.

Some famous actors decide to make a movie about classical musicians

They immediately begin to claim roles.

Robert Downey, Jr. says “I’ll be Mozart.”

Nicolas Cage says “I’ll be Beethoven.”

Arnold Schwarzenegger says “I’ll be Bach!”

Robert Palmer: "Doctor, doctor, gimme the news! I got a bad case of loving you!"

Doctor: "You have cancer, and I only like you as a friend."

Three sons having a discussion...

Three sons left home to make their fortunes, and they all did very, very well for themselves. They got together recently and were discussing what they each had done to benefit their aging mother.

"Well," said the first one, "I bought Mom a huge house in Beverly Hills."

"I bought her a ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Twins

I told my friend that I have been fucking a couple of twins lately and the sex is AMAZING.

He was curious and asked " How do you tell them apart?"

"It's easy! Anna has a mole on her left butt cheek and Robert has a 9" cock."

Passport? What Passport?

Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 92, arrived in Paris by plane with his son.

At French customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on.

"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.

Mr. Whiting admitted that he ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two alcoholics are drinking at a bar

It's Tuesday, and they've been there the day before as well.

One of them asks

"George, what are we doing here?"

"I don't know Robert, maybe it's because we made the wrong choice when we were young, maybe we got too involved in drinking and not enough in studying, and know it's t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The president is at a political meet and greet in a restaurant, meeting with people and doing the usual schmoozing.

A young man comes up to him and shakes his hand. He says to the president, “it’s an honor to meet you sir, and I was hoping you could help me out. I’m meeting a girl for our first date in a few minutes, and if you stopped by our table, y’know, just to say hi as if we’re good friends, I’d look like...

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