Tired Of Jokes - 126 Hilarious Tired Of Jokes

A penguin grows tired of the cold winters in Alaska...

So he buys a used Corvette and heads south for warmer weather. About five hundred miles into the trip the Corvette starts to overheat.

He stops in a small town and finds a mechanic to get the issue fixed. The mechanic says he is not going to be able to look at the car for an hour, so the Pen...

A blonde got tired of blonde jokes

One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals.

Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last n...

I'm sick and tired of this "everybody wins" mentality kids have these days.

Seriously, they never exercise, lie in bed 12 hours a day, and sit down far more often than they stand up. And they still get atrophy.

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A wife is tired of all the problems that need fixing in her house

She asks her husband, "Can you please fix the leak in the bathroom? ", the husband says "Do i look like a plumber?"

She asks him "Well can you please fix the light in the living room, its been flickering for ages?", he replies "Do i look like and electrician?"

Growing tired she asks hi...

A woman, tired of being alone, posts a personal ad

In the ad, she says she's looking for a man who won't beat her, won't walk out on her, and can please her in bed.

A few days later, her doorbell rings. She opens the door and is surprised to find a man on her doorstep with no arms or legs. "I'm here about the personal ad," the man says casual...

Actual conversation today. My wife: "i'm tired of anaesthesiology. What other area of medicine should I try?"

Me: I don't know. Emerg?
Wife: Nah, I want something lower stress. Hey, what about sleep medicine?
Me: Sleep medicine?
Wife: Like, helping people with sleep disorders and such. I wonder what sort of education i'd need?
Me: Probably night school.

Sick and tired of the double standards

When Venus poses naked on a giant scallop shell she is "beautiful" and "a goddess".

But when I do it I am "drunk" and "banned from the Sea Life Centre".

My wife kicked me out because she's tired of all of my bad Schwarzenegger references, but...

I will return

I'm sick and tired of my Bonnie Tyler satnav.

It keeps telling me to turn around, it got me lost in France, and every now and then it falls apart.

My girlfriend said, “This is over. I’m tired of your weird obsession with wearing a different t-shirt every half an hour.”

Me: Wait! I can change!

A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes...

...and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!"

Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you...

All the blondes in the world are tired of being portrayed as stupid

... so they decide to prove that they're just as smart as anyone else.

They hold a big conference, and fill up an entire stadium of blondes. People come from miles and miles to be part of this, the stadium is filled, the city outside the stadium is packed, and millions more watch from home as...

I got tired of my girlfriend always complaining about her queefing, so...

I told her to clam up.

In getting tired of the jehovah witnesses.

They keep knocking on the door, trying to make me change my mind

"Please let us out!", "We won't bother you again!", "Have mercy!"

I'm tired of people misunderstanding my intent.

I'm going to start using /s on my posts to mark sincerity. /s

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Mom is tired of taking care of Junior, sends him over to the construction site across the street. [NSFW - Language]

As the title says, Mom sends Junior over to hang out at the construction site since she's tired of watching over him...

The boy comes home at the end of the work day and Mom asks, "Well, son, what did you learn today?"

"Well, Mom, I learned a LOT! Like... when you hang a door, if it do...

I'm so tired of hearing Law and Order jokes.

They've all been done done.

My neighbor grew tired of being a taxidermist after 15 years, and went to veterinarian school.

His new business never got off the ground so he decided to operate both his taxidermy and vet business together to save money. His new slogan was: "No Matter What Happens - You Get Your Cat Back."

Mommy Mommy, I'm tired of walking in circles

Shut up or I'll nail your other foot to the floor.

I'm getting a little tired of Gen Z-er's attitudes.

Always walking around like they rent the place.

A woman wanted to know how her husband would react if she left him. She wrote him a letter saying she is tired of him and didn't want to live with him anymore. She put it on the table in the bedroom and then climbed under the bed to hide until her husband got home.

When he eventually came back home, he saw the letter on the table and read it. After a few moments of silence, he picked up the pen and added something to the letter. Then he started to get changed, whistling happy tunes and singing and dancing while he did so. He grabbed his phone and dialed a numb...

As a Nevadan, I'm tired of people insinuating that we can't count. We are a great state filled with intelligent people. In fact, I can list off 20 ways we are better than our neighboring states.

Just let me take my shoes and socks off first.

I'm sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment.

I tried it once and I killed a cyclist.

My girlfriend thinks I'm cheating on her, and I'm getting tired of it.

She sounds just like my wife

I will NEVER get tired of singing "Don't Speak"

I have No Doubt in my mind

Tired of constant blonde jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown.

She goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.

"Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?" she asks.

The shepherd agrees. She blurts out, "352!"

The shepherd is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pic...

A judge grew tired of seeing the same town drunk in front of his bench. One day the judge glared down at the man, who was still intoxicated, and thundered "It is the sentence of this court that you be taken from here to a place of execution and there hanged by the neck until DEAD."

The drunk promptly fainted.
The court bailiff commenced to reviving the man, and looked up at the judge, at which time the judge shrugged and responded "I've always wanted to do that."

An electrician gets tired of being looked down upon for his profession

so he uses the money he has saved up to become a doctor.

As a resident, he always stood out amongst a crowd that was still mostly younger rich kids who could afford medical school somehow right out of high school and undergrad.

One day in particular, the hospital fire alarm got yanke...

I’m so tired of jokes about chinese people

There’s like a billion of them and they’re all the same

Why don't cops get tired of beating people?

They have a chance for arrest afterward

Thank you, I'll see myself out

I'm sick and tired of hearing people make jokes about the starving children in Africa

I think they've got enough on their plates.

What did Christopher Robin's mother say when she got tired of cleaning up after him

"Stop leaving Pooh lying around!"

I'm getting a little tired of these people coming to my door telling me I need to be "saved" or "I'll burn"...

Stupid firefighters.

My friend is pretty sick and tired of PC culture

I tried to console him but he didn't want his hand held

I’m tired of my friend complaining about missing one piece of his 10k puzzle…

If he thinks that’s bad, I’m missing 9999 pieces.

Tired of constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage...

...a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large life insurance policy on his wife, with himself as the beneficiary, and arranging to have her killed.

A "friend of a friend" put him in touch with a nefarious underworld figure who went by the name of "Artie." Artie expla...

I'm sick and tired of these 18 yr old with attitude.

Everywhere I go they strut around acting like they rent the place.

I'm tired of seeing "Hey OP, I banged your mom" comments every time I post a submission....

I never should have given dad my username.

It looks like you are all tired of seeing me post about my kinks of sadism, zoophilia and necrophilia

I feel like I am just flogging a dead horse.

I’m tired of hearing people say British food tastes awful. In fact, British food is the third most delicious food in the world

The first being French food, and the second is food from all other countries.

Even construction workers are getting tired of endless road projects.

I saw them putting up a protest sign today that said "End Construction"!

I’m sick and tired of these millennial weathermen...

In my day, only the raining champion got an award, but nowadays everyone wants a precipitation trophy.

I’m tired of all these jokes about Russia

It’s time you all Putin a bit more effort

Astronomers got tired of watching the moon go round the earth for 24 hours, so they called it a day.

I'm sorry.

A blonde woman was getting tired of all the blonde jokes she heard, so she dyed her hair and set out to prove them wrong while “undercover”

She came across a huge heard of sheep and saw their shepherd.

“Hey! If I can correctly count all your sheep, can I have one?” she asked, eyeing a chance to prove blondes could at least do basic math.

The bored shepherd answered, “Yeah, sure”.

The blonde set about counting and...

A group of snails were tired of the stereotypes of being slow.

So they decided to enter an auto race. Instead of a number on the side of the car, they painted a large 'S' on it, for snail.

When they started racing, they were easily the fastest car out there, lapping all the other cars every few minutes.

The spectators marveled "Wow, look ...

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I'm so tired of all these "historically" based movies and books that change the characters' skin color to pander to the masses

Like, what's up with this Jesus being white bullshit.

I'm tired of people complaining...

$5 for parking, $3 for coat check, $10 for a martini. I'm not inviting them to my house anymore.

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Jim, tired of bustling city life, moves to a remote town in Alaska.

He loves the natural environment, exploring and fishing, and the quiet tranquility of his new home.

However, one thing he notices, to his dismay, is that there are no women in his new town.

He goes to the local bar and orders a drink. He asks the bartender about the conspicuous lack ...

A blonde girl is tired of people making dumb blonde jokes...

So she decides to gather a stadium full of blondes to prove that not all blondes are dumb. She picks one woman from the crowd and asks her,

"What is the square root of 144?"

The woman thinks long and hard and answers, "Uhmmm, 7?"

The stadium starts chanting, "one more try!...

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Pissed-off drummer is tired of people saying he's not a real musician.

Goes to the music store and says, "I'll show
'em. Gimme that red trumpet and that accordion."

Music store guy says, "You can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator has to stay."

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A man goes into a street of Moscow and yells: "I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and stupid rules being a leader".

A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him. Later he brings the man to Stalin. The soldier explained to Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man: "Who were you thinking about when you yelled in the street?" The man says: "I was thinking about Hitler of course". Stalin lets the man go but st...

GF: I'm done with you! I'm tired of you constantly mocking my weight!

BF: Soooo, you're not pregnant?

Tired of being single, so I went to see a matchmaker today.

Left with a box of matches.

I’m sick and tired of all these mandates..

Any single women out there who’d like to go out for dinner?

What does quartz get tired of?

Being taken for granite.

I’m tired of people constantly being so condescending about everything

(That means to talk down to someone)

A blonde is tired of being teased, so she dies her hair brown and moves to the countryside...

A blonde is tired of being teased, so she dyes her hair brown and moves to the countryside. As she’s driving home one day she spots a farmer leaning on a fence chewing a piece of straw.

“Ha, I’m going to put one over on that dumb farmer!”, she says to herself, pulling over.

“Greetings,...

I’m so tired of babysitting my mom’s grandkids

Disclosure: Yes they’re mine but they like her more

A blonde got tired of "dumb blonde jokes" so she dyed her hair

As she was driving down some country road she notices a shepherd with his flock. She stops the car and approaches. "Excuse me sir." she says "If I guess how many sheep are in your flock can I have one?" Shepherd thinks it over and thinks she'll never get the number right, as it was a decent sized fl...

I’m tired of my wife beating me up everyday. I’ll show her…

I’m gonna wake up at 4am tomorrow.

A blond is tired of being made fun of for being blond

So many jokes about blonds had given her a bad reputation. So she decides to change her hair color to hide it.

Every day on her way to work she would run into a shepherd with lots of sheep. She decides today to stop and talk to the shepherd.

She said to him “ If i can guess how many ...

I am so tired of jokes about Americans being stupid and not understanding the metric system.

At least we don’t panic when the temperature hits 40 kilometers!

The local priest is tired of people telling him they cheated in confession

One Sunday near the end of mass he tells his congregation that he doesn’t like hearing people are cheating. He tells the church from now on refer to cheating as “slipping” in confession.

This goes on all spring and summer and when winter comes around the priest decided to retire. He forgot to...

Donald Trump finds a magic lamp. He rubs it, and a genie comes out.

Genie: "I grant you three wishes."

Trump: "I'm tired of getting sued for everything I do. I want there to be no more courts."

Genie: "Granted. You have no wishes left."

Trump: "What the hell? You told me I had three wishes, and I only used one!"

Genie: "Sue me."

So tired of all these restrictions...

I'm getting so tired of all these quarantine-related restrictions.

For example, I just found out today that when I'm in public the governor is requiring me to wear pants.

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One day, a business man realizes he's tired of urban life and decides to buy a farm...

After he buys the farm, he figures he should buy some animals and equipment. He goes to the local supply store and talks to the man working there and asks, "What would I need to get started on my new farm? I've never done this before and would love any advice you can offer!"

The man looks him...

Blonde dyes her hair brown, because she's tired of all the blonde jokes

this blonde girl dies her hair brown because she's tired of all the jokes she decides to take a ride one day in her convertible. She's got the top down and she's cruising up an Old country road.And comes across this sheep herder. So she stops and pokes her head over the convertible and says excuse m...

Blondes are tired of people making fun of them.

Blondes across the world set up a convention to prove to everyone that they aren’t dumb. Thousands show up.

The main event begins. The announcer on stage goes, “We are tired of people thinking we’re dumb, so we’re here to prove everyone wrong!”

He points to a random blonde woman in the...

I got tired of chasing my dreams

I told them go where ever and I would meet up with them later.

\-Mitch Hedberg

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A woman is tired of her husband coming home drunk every night…

…so she decides to teach him a lesson!

Usually every night plays out the same way. Her husband comes home drunk as a skunk, walks directly to the bathroom to take a shit after which he makes his way to the bedroom, collapses on the bed and starts snoring like a freight train.

The woman...

I'm sick and tired of debating people about burqas, niqābs and hijabs etc.

So many blanket statements.

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I'm getting real tired of people comparing Trump to Hitler.

I mean, I get it: they both appeal to the radical far right Uber-nationalists and blame problems on minority groups but whatever, it's getting out of hand. Grow up and show some damn respect!Hitler at least actively served in the military and didn't get a deferment.

I am tired of keeping track of so many pronouns. Apparently now they have specific pronouns for Russian army....

was/were

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A farmer is tired of milking his cows,

So one day, when he sees an advertisement for an automatic cow milker, he immediately orders it.

Two weeks later, when his wife is out buying groceries, the package arrives. The farmer, feeling very horny, opens it up, immediately sticks his dick into it, and turns it on.

The orgasm he...

I'm tired of people asking what my sign is.

Stop okay?

I like octagons.

A snail, who was tired of being slow, went and bought a sports car with a big S on each side

Whenever people saw him zooming past, they would say, “Hey, look at that S-Car Go”

Tired of telling my wife what to do.

We were working in the yard and she kept asking how to do one thing after another. I finally said, "just pretend I'm dead and do what you want."
Then she got out her phone and started calling friends to have a celebration.

My wife is getting sick and tired of me buying her stupid gifts.

"Next one you buy, I'm going to burn it." She screamed.

So, I bought her a candle.

Two friends having gotten tired of using instant communication, decided to use old fashioned means of messaging each other, such as pigeons.

For a few days, it is great. Then one day, a pigeon shows up at one friends house with a blank piece of paper.

Angry, the receiver phones his friend to ask what was the meaning of the message.

To which his friend calmly replies, "Oh, that was a missed call."

I'm tired of following my dreams

I'm just gonna ask where they're going and hook up with them later.

(I used to miss Mitch. I still do, but I used to too.)

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I’m tired of trying to get mules to do work around my farm.

They always half-ass everything.

Tired of job interviews asking me how I overcame difficulties throughout the previous year

I don’t have 2020 vision

Man got tired of his wife constantly picking on him started playing poker

A henpecked man got tired of his wife constantly picking on him, so he started playing poker on Friday nights with his buddies just to get some relief.

After he came home she'd start right in on him again.

After several weeks went by, he came home early one Friday night about 9:...

What does a programmer/coder do when he's tired of life?

He writes byebyeworld.c

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A woman, tired of bad relationships, posts an ad online

The ad reads "Looking for a man who would treat me right and won't hit me, who would never run away from me, and would give me the best sex of my life. If you meet this criteria, come see me at 22A Greenich avenue"

People come and go, but noone is to her liking. Just when she was about to giv...

I’m getting really tired of escalators...

Time to start taking the necessary steps to avoid them.

What do you call someone who is tired of playing a cardgame?

Cardboard

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Reddit should add separate NSFW tags for gore and porn

I'm so tired of my boners being ruined by these hot ladies.

I’m tired of people calling me a rapper. It’s simply not true!

I always ask for my lovers’ consent.

I’m sick and tired of all these people farming karma on their cake day.

Anyways, an upvote would be appreciated.

I was talking to my parents over dinner, my Mom said she was getting tired of the Bernie Sanders memes.

I looked over to her and said "Don't worry, this trend will Bern out soon."

Wife is tired of me using trite, meaningless expressions and overusing contractions. Oh well...

It's what it's.

I was right there when God got tired of drinking Michelob...

He said:

> Now, let there be Lite.

I’m so tired of yo mama jokes...

...So I decided to focus on yo daddy instead.
Yo daddy’s so stupid. So stupid he married yo mama.

I'm tired of explaining to my spiritual Guru how E-mails work.

He can't just understand what attachments are!

I've heard of lot of anti-semetic jokes recently and I'm quite tired of them, especially as my Grandad died in Auschwitz...

If anyone wants to know how, he fell off the guard tower.

My friend got tired of being locked up at home.

So we locked him up inside of a casket instead.

I'm getting tired of these targeted ads. I just saw one for funeral services ffs!

That's the last thing I need!

An old man was tired of reading about local muggings of seniors in his neighbourhood. (Long)

Determined to not sit back and see the crime wave continue any longer, he decided to take action.

The old fellow learned that according to victim statements and witnesses, the perpetrator was a fairly large woman who walked up to frail seniors and demanded money under threat.

Knowing...

I'm so tired of seeing cheesy puns on reddit all the time...

I swiss they would just stop already.

I'm tired of pre shredded cheese

Make America grate again

People got tired of my lactation joke

I kept milking it.

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I've gotten tired of Jew jokes

They all seem a bit half-baked

I am so sick and tired of my friends who can't handle their alcohol.

The other night they dropped me 3 times while carrying me to the taxi.

Im Sick and Tired of talking about the corona virus

I just want to stay positive

I'm tired of people pushing me around and talking behind my back.

But that's just how things go when you are in a wheelchair, I guess.

"I'm sick and tired of all these shootings"

Little Johnny crossed his arms. "You know what we should do? We should never call them by name. That just gives them the attention they crave. We should only call them by shooting incident, like 'The Theater Gunman'. Or perhaps a number, like "Shooter 123". That should put 'em to shame!"

The...

I never get tired of jokes about dyslexia even though I have it.

I wish I could read all of them.

Are you tired of only having imaginary friends?

Just multiply them by the square root of negative one. Then you'll have real friends!

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I'm tired of people comparing Trump to Hitler.

After all, Hitler wrote his own book.

My friend said he’s tired of Spanish jokes

He’ll never see it coming

I'm tired of being a Psychologist...

I don't like APA style et. al.

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I'm so tired of women making we wear a mask during sex

And now with this pandemic I have to keep it on after, too

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A New York writer is tired of all the people and noise of the big city

He believes that a quiet place will help him focus so that he can finish his novel. The man moves to an island in Northern Europe with pasture as far as the eye can see and no other houses for miles. After a year of writing he starts to feel lonely. Then, he hears a booming knock on his door. When h...

A man was tired of working as a burger-flipper at McDonalds.

All day every day he made Big Macs. And in his head he would list off the ingredients; Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickle and onion, on a seasame seed bun.

Over and over: Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickle and onion, on a seasame seed bun.<...

I wish I could see what it was like to be fat for just one day.

I'm tired of being fat every day.

My wife locked me outside the house coz she got tired of my wordplay jokes

I texted her "Oh Pun the door"

A gynecologist was getting tired of his job and decided to switch careers.

He'd always enjoyed tinkering with engines, so he enrolled in a school for car mechanics. When the class ended, the students were given their final exam: strip a car engine completely and reassemble it in perfect working order.
The gynecologist did his best-and was amazed to find he scored 150%. ...

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My girlfriend said she was tired of me acting like a detective and told me that we should split up

I said "Good idea we'll cover more ground that way"

She also got pissed at me and said that I ruined her birthday which I have no idea how I didn't even know it was her birthday

I heard these two jokes when I was a kid and they've always made me laugh, I know they are kind of old b...

What are bombing instructors in Jihad camps getting tired of hearing?

"Ok Boomer"

Tired of your job?

Try this...
On your way home from work, stop at a pharmacy and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure to get this brand.
When you get home, lock your doors, close the blinds and take the phone off the hook so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comf...

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Jimmy’s wife is tired of him never buying her presents for anything

So she creates a plan to get some nice jewelry and some action for herself. She approaches her husband with a piece of paper, written on it is a list of gifts and rewards. She says, If you start spoiling me I’ll give you something extra each night, a nice dinner gets you a sexy outfit, a necklace ge...

Tired of me constantly pretending to be a detective, my wife has said that she wants us to split up...

I told her it was a good idea.

We can cover more ground that way...

I'm a Sikh and really tired of hearing "sikh" puns on any post related to Sikhs

I'm sikh of this joke.

What Do You Call a Ocean Raider Tired of His Pet Bird's Muscle Spasms?

What do you call a ocean raider tired of his pet bird's muscle spasms?

A pirate tired of polly tics.

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