My wife just found out she's adopted.

She was devastated and kept asking me "Why didn't they want me?" I comforted her and after a while, still crying, she asked to make love with her, which led to more tears.

On reflection, banging her from behind and shouting, "WHO'S YOUR DADDY", was little insensitive.

I just found out my girlfriend just gave me an STD....

Looks like I’m gonorrhea-valuate the relationship

The three guys at an interview joke just posted here reminded me of another version we used to tell about 20 years ago.. is it a repost? I don't know, probably yes, but does anyone really care ;) ?

Three guys interviewing to be a detective.

The final step is with the chief inspector who says, "Ahh, so you wanna be detectives, eh? The first skill you need is perception, let's see how you guys do with that"

He calls them into his office one by one.

The first guy goes in and ...

A man walks into a bar and it’s empty – it’s just him and the bartender.

He sits down and orders a drink.

After a few seconds, he hears someone whisper, “Pssst… I like your tie.”

The man looks around but doesn’t see anyone.

“Pssst… that color looks nice on you.”

He asks the bartender, “Excuse me, but…are you speaking to me?”

The barte...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife just gave birth today and after thanking the doctor, I pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, "How soon do you think we'll be able to have sex?"

He winked at me and said, "I'm off duty in ten minutes - meet me in the car park."

I opened a tub of soft margarine and it looked just like the face of Jesus!

I showed my Indian friend and he said "I can't believe it's not Buddha".

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just as it's going by. As he gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Impeccable timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Fe...

I was just looking at my ceiling. I am not sure if it’s the best ceiling in the world,

but it’s definitely up there.

My ex just sneezed and I accidentally said "bless you"

Now she just staring at the bushes confused wondering who said that.

Just been in to Starbucks and the barista was wearing a face mask

I asked "Why are you wearing a surgical mask?"


She said "I'm not, it's a coughy filter."

Late one night a police officer was patrolling a desolate area popular with young couples doing more than just sitting in the dark.

Catching his attention was a couple in a car with the interior light on. Moving closer, the cop could see a young man behind the steering wheel reading a newspaper. In the backseat a young blonde was knitting.

The lawman walked up to the vehicle and knocked on the driver-side window. The star...

My neighbour just got arrested for growing weed

I guess my property line isn't where I thought it was

I can cut a piece of wood in two pieces just by looking at it.

It may seem impossible, but I saw it with my own two eyes

Just watched Captain America: Civil War for the first time

Couldn't get enough, so I looked out of the window to watch America: Civil War.

Just found two lumps on my car battery

Got them tested, one came back positive.
I hope it's not terminal.

DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.

MOM: Oh my! Who!?


DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?


MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????


DAD: No, it was with a knife...

Just went to the doctor and found out I'm colour blind

Genuinely can't believe it, this has come completely out of the green

Two identical twin brothers, George and Ted, turned 100. George's hearing was just as good as ever, but Ted was slightly deaf.

An attractive female photographer came to the retirement home to take the brothers' picture. "I'm going to take your picture," she said.

"What did she say?" asked Ted. "She says she's going to take our picture," replied George. So George and Ted followed the photographer to a room.

Ins...

A Police Officer was waiting along the side of a highway waiting to catch speeding drivers. There weren't as many violators this day as usual. The State Police Officer sees an old car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"

So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back--wide eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly t...

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out.

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time." Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?" ...

Just saw a guy wearing T-Shirt that reads "Truth + God = Life"

Thank god I'm good at math, Truth = Life - God

Guess who just woke up to 19 missed calls and 30 messages from his ex

My ex

How many police officers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They'll just beat the room for being black.

I just wish my ex-wife could look down from Heaven and see me now.

But no, she’s still alive

Depressing pickup lines.

Are you suicide?
Because I think about you every day.

Are you a toaster?
Because I really want to take a bath with you.

Are you a noose?
Because I really want to hang with you.

Are you a gravestone?
Because I really wish you were on top of me.

Are you anti-...

I just got hit in the head with a can of Pepsi

Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.

Me: “Squirting isn’t real, right? It’s just urine, right?”

Interviewer: “I meant any questions about the job.”

I just quit my job at the Helium plant

I will not be spoken to in that tone of voice.

Guys I just bought a 256gb iPhone XR, my son dropped it and the screen shattered. Anyways, I am doing a giveaway!!

The kid is 7, cute, thin and not really tall.

Just got to get this off my chest.... I'm getting sick and tired of people complaining about the price of things, $2.70 for coffee, $1.50 a cookie, $4.00 an hour for parking.

If I hear any more moaning.. I'm stopping inviting people to my house.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just found out my teenage son had sex with his teacher, and I am furious.

I should have never agreed to home schooling.

People think that “queue” is just “q” followed by 4 silent letters

But those letters aren’t silent.

They’re just waiting their turn.

I just started volunteering to help blind children!

That’s a verb not an adjective btw.

I have just burned 3000 calories.

That's the last time I leave brownies in the owen while I have a nap.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife has finally agreed to anal tonight, but I have just one question...

What's a strap on?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just don't understand why black people don't like the police

They have tons of great songs and Sting is a great singer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just be careful because people are going crazy from being in lock down!

Actually I've just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking coffee and we all agreed that things are getting bad.

I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything.

Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold...

A kid comes up to me to show me a nickel he had just found...

He then says he could tell my fortune if I gave him a penny. I gave him a penny and he told me my fortune, “You are going to laugh within the next few minutes.”
Confused, I asked how he could know this. He held out his hand with the coins in his palm and said, “I’ve got this sixth cents.”
He ...

- I just spilled sodium hydride on my hand.

-Does it hurt?

-NaH

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man, don't you just hate the new culturally-aware autocorrect?

I keep trying to type talentless asshole but it always changes it to James Corden.

Three young friends, seeking a fortune, adventure together to Egypt where a new pyramid has been discovered.

Upon arriving at the pyramid, they are immediately told to leave as the site has already been excavated. The friends, not willing to concede, look for a different way in and find an entrance never before used.

It is through this entrance that they find a secret passage way, one that is made a...

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I just asked the wife to get into her nurses uniform.

She said why? are you feeling horny? I said no we need bread!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NAOMI: Did you know that my name backwards is ‘I MOAN’? That’s just so funny because I love moaning.

LANA: You can just fuck off with your silly games.

Just heard about the astronauts that left earth today

Good choice

I like to keep a gun in my nightstand drawer just in case someone breaks in

That way I can shoot myself to avoid social interaction

My girlfriend is just like a microwave

She's easy to turn on, gets hot real quick, and if you put a baby in her she'll kill it.

My girlfriend just accused me of cheating

I told her she was starting to sound like my wife

My girlfriend left a note on my PS4 today. My heart stopped beating because it said "This isn't working"

Imagine my relief when I turned it on and it worked just fine.

My wife asked me "Is it just me or is the cat getting fat?"

Apparently "No it's just you" wasn't the right answer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is masturbation just like procrastination?

It’s all good until you realize you’re only screwing yourself.

Don’t you just hate that situation when you’re picking up your bags at the airport, and everyone’s luggage is better than yours.

A worst case scenario.

I just scored a 180 on an IQ test answering three simple questions !

1. My credit card number
2. My social security number
3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate

A man on a tractor has just driven past me yelling "the end of the world is nigh"

I think it was Farmer Geddon

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've just learned the medical name for viagra

Mycoxaflopin

I just found out I’m colourblind

The news came completely out of the purple

To all the people out there suffering with paranoia just remember,

You're not alone.

A man is driving around the backwoods and he sees a sign in front of an old, shanty style house that says - “Talking dog for sale.”

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog t...

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My friend just sent me a compressed folder full of porn

*sigh, unzips*

This just in: Due to panic buying, Walmart has decided to open up a 2nd register.

Dire times indeed.

Surgeon: “Just relax, Michael. It’s just a small surgery.”

Patient: “My name isn’t Michael.”


Surgeon: “I know, my name is Michael.”

I'll never forget my Uncle's last words to me just before he died.

"Are you still holding the ladder?"

Finland have just closed their borders....

Which means no one can cross the finish line.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber...

He awoke before the Pearly Gates where saint Peter said,"You died in your sleep Ralph."

Ralph was stunned. "I'm dead?No I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!

"St Peter said," I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken."

Ralph...

(NSFW) What is the difference between love, true love, and just showing off?

Spitting, swallowing, and gargling

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just saw a junkie at Wal-Mart put his whole dick in a tube of Planter's Cashews

Dude was fucking nuts.

My ex-girlfriend just told me she wants us to get back together again. MAN! I sure am LUCKY!

I mean, first I win the lottery and now *THIS*?!

Breaking news: Amidst all the chaos, Eminem just got kicked out of a very high end bar.

Apparantly he asked the bartender for 4 shots but the bartender refused service and said you only get one shot.

I've just spent the last 43 minutes trying to fix a broken clock.

At least I think it was 43 minutes.

I just found out that I failed my Binary 101 exam.

I had no idea it was a Level 5 course.

A sketchy guy just came into my shop and bought six smoke machines. So I called the cops.

He must be part of some extreme mist group.

An atheist is hiking in the woods...

So an atheist is hiking in the woods when he stumbles across a huge hungry grizzly bear. The bear rears up to full height and gives a roar as it leans in toward the man. The atheist screams in terror "Oh God, help me!!!"

Suddenly, everything--> the bear, the trees, the birds, everything bu...

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I just lost my virginity

Cant have shit in Detroit

... but you're just suck in a timeloop.

What if there are no reposts...

I just got fired from the post office

My supervisor took me into his office and we actually had a really good conversation. He told me that I wasn't meeting expectations in my current position, and that they didn't have any other jobs open at the moment. I said that I could see where he was coming from, and that I had no hard feelings. ...

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Someone just shoved a bomb into a bull's ass.

Just abominable.

Did you hear about that Dwarf psychic that just escaped from prison?

He’s a small medium at large.

Soooo my 4 year old nephew just told me this. He's a little nerd but it made me chuckle. Knock knock...

Who's there?

Cows go.

Cows go who?

No idiot... Cows go moo!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just moved into a new home and found out that it doesn't have a basement.

It was just the estate agent doing that pretend walking down the stairs thing behind the couch.

What do you call a short psychic that’s just committed a crime?

A small medium at large!

C’mon!

I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts,’ which on the one hand is great,

but on the other, it’s just not right.

I just realized my countertop is made of marble..

I have been taking it for granite all these years.

Dog just ate my wife's wedding ring

Vet said we have a diamond in the ruff.

While watching TV with his wife, a man tosses peanuts into the air and catches them in his mouth.

While watching TV with his wife, a man tosses peanuts into the air and catches them in his mouth. Just as he throws another peanut into the air, the front door opens, causing him to turn his head. The peanut falls into his ear and gets stuck. His daughter comes in with her date. The man explains the...

I was just patiently waiting in the lunch line when..

..the depressed girl cut in front of me

I just found out that aargh isn't a real word.

I dont know how to express how angry I am.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rabbit is hopping through the woods. Hop! Hop! Hop! When he comes upon a giraffe. Now, this giraffe is about to smoke some weed. The rabbit looks up at the giraffe and say, "Giraffe, don't smoke weed! Weed is a drug and drugs are bad, come running with me through the forest!"

The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed.

The giraffe tossed his blunt aside and they go running through the forest together. Run! Run! Run! Hop! Hop! Hopping along.

Soon they come to a clearing with a sheep.

This sheep is about to shoot u...

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Interviewer: Very impressive. Now, this is just a formality...

But how are your MS office skills.

Me: Well, you can take my Word for it, I Excel in MS office.

Interviewer: Son of a bitch, I was this close to hiring you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b\*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b\*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don...

I just got kicked out of a secret cooking society.

I spilled the beans.

My local hockey rink just reported their Zamboni driver has gone missing...

They hope he resurfaces soon.

A duck waddles into the drug store and says, “Sorry, I don’t have my wallet today but I need to buy a condom.” The pharmacist says, “No problem. Shall I just put it on your bill?”

The duck exclaims, “Sir! What kind of a duck do you think I am?”

Remember crying as a kid and your parents told you 'I'll give you something to cry about!'

and you expected a beating but instead they just ruined the housing market?

A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.

The bee said, 'What seems to be the problem?'

'I'm out of gas,' the man replied.

The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out.

'Try ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nowadays teens could just look up porn on the internet. Back in my day, they only had porn in the stores. But they wouldn’t sell it to us because we were underage. So we had to pool our money and give it to the homeless guy outside of the store.

He then would strip and play with himself for us. It wasn’t terrible but my point is you kids got it easy.

I just found out about the second meaning of BBC....

Who cares about British television?

My dad just got a tall new grill and I’m worried he’ll get hurt trying to use it.

The steaks have never been higher.

My waiter just spilled coffee all over me.

I know it was just an accident, but I'm still bitter.

I just realised that I have a logic fetish...

I keep coming to conclusions.

It always irked my single mother that her grocery store didn’t carry eggs in packages of six—just by the dozen.

Then one day, her wish came true. She walked into the grocery and found fresh eggs in cartons of six. “I was so excited,” she told us later, “that I bought two!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My asshole twin brother just called me from prison.

He said: "Gil... remember how we used to finish each other's sentences?"

Just been admitted to hospital after accidentally sitting on 2 of my son's plastic toy horses.

Doctors say I'm stable.

I heard Michigan just had the worst flood in 500 years.

Dam.

My mom just told me she used to be a man.

I love that she's transparent.

Look, I just want to say this ...

THIS

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A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

The barman looks at him and says… “Hang on! You're a duck!”

"I see your eyes are working.” replies the duck.

"And you can talk!!” exclaims the barman.

"I see your ears are working, too.” says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

"C...

My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!

It's not my birthday but a scary looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house

I just heard there is a new term for 'kidnapper'

Its Transparent

Just a thought. How important/famous do you have to be

For your death to be considered an assassination instead of a murder?

Did you hear Mike Tyson was just arrested for nearly beating a Pizza Hut waitress to death?

As he was finishing eating, she asked "Hey, mister, you wanna box for the rest of your pizza?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love,

the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before." The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychia...

Just seen a burglar kicking his own door in. I asked 'What are you doing ?'

He said, "Working from home"

I just watched Dr. Strange, but wasn’t that impressed.

I have watched Stranger Things.

My sewing instructor just told me that I am the absolute worst student she has ever had...

Oooops! Wrong thread...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just lost my virginity.

It sucks that my first words during sex will always be stop barking.

The best thing about using alcohol hand gel isn’t just the hygiene, it's that everyone walks around now looking like they’re...

...about to hatch a dastardly plan...

I think the local nudist colony just went out of business.

The sign on their gate says:
"Clothed Until Further Notice."

Just finished an online MS Office course.

I Excelled.

I've just been diagnosed as color blind

It really came out of the purple

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My boss just told me that I’m the worst mailman he has ever seen.

Shit. I meant to post this somewhere else.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was watching a porno the other day and it was just a guy crying and wanking.

Then I realized I hadn't turned the TV on.

Yall ever just get the urge to eat something just because it's there?

Any way I list my job as a gynecologist today

Just so everybody's clear...

I'm going to put my glasses on..

My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline.

She hit the ceiling!

Just know if you walk into someone’s house and they have the Soviet Union banner on the wall

That is a big red flag

More people would read books if publishers just added the phrase "In My Pants" to the end of every title.

War of the Worlds in My Pants

The Two Towers in My Pants

Great Expectations in My Pants

To Kill a Mockingbird in My Pants

Rising Strong in My Pants

I just bought a mentos 24 pack for my family.

Best trade ever.

I just found out that my friend has a secret life as a priest.

It’s his altar ego.

My wife just told me she has the body of a teenager.

I guess she found out about me and the babysitter.

Women tell me “Just be yourself, be more confident.”

I’m like... jeez pick one!

My wife just yelled...

...from upstairs and asked "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?"

Sound concerned, I replied, "No..."

She responded, "How about now?"

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I just took the manure truck across the scales

It weighed a shit ton

just googled "how to start a wildfire"

got 103,768 matches

My wife Ruth just died at age 78

Is it too soon to call myself Ruthless?

Dads are just like boomerangs..

.. I hope

Trump just suggested that injecting sanitizers like bleach might have a cleansing effect on the body

I think medical research would agree that injecting bleach definitely cures stupidity.

Why was the trans person that just moved in always getting lost?

They were new to these parts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just took my Pornography 101 final exam. It wasn't hard.

I failed

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I didn’t know what to wear to my premature ejaculation support group

So I just came in my pants.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to see a sex therapist

"My problem is that my neighbor says he can do it six times a night, but I can do barely three"

"Please open your mouth," the therapist says.

The man, now confused, opens his mouth, and the doctor inspects it carefully.

"I see nothing wrong here, so you should be able to lie jus...

Im just so overwhelmed with the difficulty of writing my own book

There are no words

I just got into a BIG FIGHT

With 1,3,5,7 and 9.

The odds were against me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are circumsized penises so popular among Jewish girls?

They love anything that's 15% off

Just a joke lol

My deaf girlfriend just told me, “We need to talk.”

That is not a good sign.

I told my dad recently "life would be a whole lot easier if you just pulled out"

He replied "I think I tried!"

Just lost my brother today please make me laugh

Title says it all. My brother passed away this morning. Please make me laugh

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While my wife was giving birth, I bent down and whispered "You're nearly there, keep going...keep going. Just keep your eyes closed and breathe slow."

"Thanks," said the doctor, "I've just never seen a vagina this ugly."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend Mel just showed me a photo album full of all her self shot images she’s taken over the years

She says it’s her Melfie folder

Just Imagine

Imagine what the world would be like if people could not Imagine.

I just joined a band called 1023 Megabytes.

We haven't gotten a gig yet.

I just barely crossed the finish line in a Law and Order 5k race.

I would have got first, but the cops beat me to it.

I'm in love with a woman called Clairy but I married her sister, Lorraine. I always felt too guilty to cheat on my wife, but here's the thing- she's just left me. So, I guess...

...I can see Clairy now Lorraine has gone.

Did you know that a Siberian Tiger can absolutely devour a 7-year-old girl in just about 45 seconds?

Anyways, I lost my job at the petting zoo, today...

My daughter just yelled at me, "Dad you haven't listened to a word I said!"

I thought that was a pretty odd way to start a conversation.

A joke I just thought of

What do you call a prosthetic dog foot?


A faux pas.

My wife just asked me what's my favourite Teletubby.

My wife just asked me what's my favourite Teletubby.

So I told her tinky winky.

She laughs and says no. What's your favourite Tele. Tubby.


Now I've asked her for a kit kat Chunky and im in the dog house

I just made love to my girlfriend.

She asked, “If I get pregnant, what should we name the baby?”

I took off my condom, tied a knot, and flushed it down the toilet.

“Well” I said, “If he can get out of that, we’ll call him Houdini”.

I would like to be a millionaire just like my dad.

He always wanted to be a millionaire too.

I just lost my job manufacturing children’s playground aparatus

This industry is all swings and roundabouts

My friend just told me that reddit is for loners....

Anyways, I have a question, if I have a body that I want to get rid off, what should I do with it? (Asking for a friend).

I wish I could be ugly for just 1 day

Because being ugly every day sucks... :(

I just swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster

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My friend just sent me an email where he misspelled the word "maneuver" into the word "manure."

What a sack of shit.

My buddy told me that 'on my tombstone when i go, just put death by rock and roll'

which is pretty reckless

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I just bought a pet cat and named it Sam.

My friend asked me what Sam is short for.

I said, "Because he's a cat, you dumbass."

I was just on my way to a fancy dress party in my counterfeit money costume, when someone came along and ruined my plans.



I got held up.

I just broke two of my dads old queen albums.

Now I want to break three.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’ve just discovered that cock fighting is done with chickens.

12 months of training completely wasted.

I was just looking out my window at my neighbor's back yard where their son is celebrating his college graduation with a few friends.

So sad those kids have so much student loan debt that they all have to share one ratty-looking cigarette.

I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!" and I thought to myself...

that's just spam.

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I just took a leaflet from the mailbox informing me that I can have sex at 73.

That is so wonderful because I live at 71.

I just did a course qualifying me in Circular Swimming

It cost me an arm and a leg, but it works

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ONE GERMAN, ONE JAPANESE AND A HILLBILLY WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.

Suddenly, there was a beeping sound. The German pressed her forearm and the beeping stopped. The others looked at her questionly.

"That was my pager," she said. " I have a microchip implanted under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later, a phone rang. The Japanese woman lifted her...

This news just in: The worlds tallest man has lost a fight with a storm.

In my opinion he shouldn’t have let the lightning strike first.

You just did.

Want to hear an awful time travel joke?

Just a thought that sinks can’t open doors.

Let that sink in.

Just after the US Civil War, a handsome and proper Texan Colonel, a beautiful young debutante, and a foppish city boy from the east found themselves travelling by train through the heartland of Texas.

As they rode in silence, the Texan couldn't help but notice the city boy kept staring at the young woman. He scowled his disapproval each time he caught the boy's eye, but the boy kept staring at the woman.

Finally, the city boy screwed up his courage, placed his hand on the debutante's knee,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just broke my personal masturbation record today

I know for certain every one of those guys left satisfied!

I just passed my drug test.

My dealer has some explaining to do.

Many people told Beethoven he would never be a musician just because he was deaf

But did he listen?

Just became friends with one of Stephen King’s sons, Joe

I told a friend about it. They replied “You’re joking right?”

And I said, “No, but he is”

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