I wanna tell you a joke about a girl who only eats plants.

You’ve probably never heard of herbivore.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three friends were bragging about who has the most sex. The first guy starts, “Y'all ain't got nothing on me! I can go to any bar and bring home a new woman every night! Not only that, but I drive a corvette and have an 8 inch penis! I've slept with more than 1,000 women!”

Second guy fires back, “Oh yeah? Well I’m a top gynecologist at the highest rated hospital in the world. I make $800,000 a year, have patients and nurses who have sex with me every hour I’m at work. All the women compliment me on my 12 inch penis and I've slept with well over 5,000 women.”

La...

My girlfriend is mad because I could only last 2 minutes in bed

In my defense it was doggy style so it's more like 14 minutes.

If someone who speaks three languages is called trilingual and someone who speaks two languages is called bilingual, what do you call someone who speaks only one language?

American

It only takes 4 inches to please a woman

And it doesn’t matter if it’s credit or debit

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A gorilla dies of old age at a zoo right before the zoo opens. It is the only gorilla at the zoo since they are not very profitable.

However, the gorilla is their most popular attraction by far, and they can't afford to go a day without it. So the zoo owner asks one of his workers to wear a gorilla suit they have in storage for an extra $100 a day if he will go in the gorilla cage and pretend to be the gorilla until the zoo can a...

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A lady approaches a priest and shyly tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots but, they only know how to say one thing... they keep saying 'Hi, we’re hot... do you want to *fuck us*?'"



"That's terrible!" says the priest. "But, I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two parrots over to my house tomorrow. I will put them with my two male talking parrots... to whom I've taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will then teach your parrots to stop saying that terri...

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Told my wife I was so stressed that only a blowjob would help.

She asked me where I was going to find a dick to suck at this time of night.

"I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am.

The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare.

As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the ...

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If you only sucked average sized penises...

You could accurately say that you suck a mean dick.

Edit: The amount of upvotes on this post has exceeded the final recorded megawatt output from Chernobyl’s reactor number 4 on the morning of the Chernobyl disaster. (33,000)

The reactor was designed to operate at 3,200 megawatts.

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3 nurses walk into a patient's bedroom only to find him dead.

The first nurse goes to check on him and notices that he had a massive erection so she tells the other nurses to give him a good send off by have sex with him. The first nurse does it and stops after getting tired. The second does the same and stops to share with the third nurse. The third nurse was...

The only phrase that keeps me human

You are what you eat

There are only two rules you need to follow to become extremely succesful in life.

1. Not revealing everything you know.

An evil witch put a curse on a prince so that he could only speak one word each year.

If he didn't say anything for a year, he would be able to say two words the next year and so on.

One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady. He refrained from speaking for two whole years so he could call her “my darling.” But then he wanted to tell her he loved her, so he waited three m...

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What is the only animal that has their asshole located on their back?

A police horse.

An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.



The 1st passenger said, 'I am Steph Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can't afford to die.' So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.

The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, 'I am the newly-elected US President, and I am the...

With the rise of self driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time...

Until there's a country song where the guy's truck leaves him.

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Three married women are having a "girls only" night out

**NOTE: I'm TRYING TO TRANSLATE THIS JOKE FROM MY LANGUAGE TO ENGLISH HOPE IT TRANSLATES WELL AND SORRY FOR BAD GRAMMAR**

They are enjoying a lovely evening talking about their lives as they usually do every week when they meet up, one of them is particularly excited and fails to hide her exc...

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"How can you watch porn but still claim you love only me?" My wife asked

" The same way I watch Formula 1 whole weekend but still happily drive my 2010 Toyota Camry everyday" I replied..

That satisfied her...

I just failed to mention I take rental at Enterprise when I go on business trips

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An Englishman is hiking in Scotland and he pauses to drink from a stream. A passing shepherd calls out "Dinnae drink frae that, it's all fulla coo piss an shite!"

The Englishman says to him in a cut-glass accent "I'm terribly sorry, my good fellow, would you very much mind repeating that in the Queen's English?"

And the shepherd says "I'm terribly sorry sir, I was only asking if you would like to borrow this tin cup and get a proper drink?"

Why does the military only allow dress shirts at its ceremonies?

Because civilian casual tees are unacceptable.

Man walks into a pet shop and sees a parrot for only $50.

Eeeeee....

A priest and a nun are on their way back from the seminary when their car breaks down. The garage doesn't open until morning so they have to spend the night in a hotel. It only has one room available.

The priest says: "Sister, I don't think the Lord would object if we spend the night sharing this one room. I'll sleep on the sofa and you have the bed." "I think that would be fine," agrees the nun. They prepare for bed, say some prayers and settle down to sleep.

Ten minutes pass, and the nun...

What do you call an apology written only with dots and dashes?

ReMorse code.

The only thing a flat earther is afraid of

Is sphere itself.

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Everyone who defended trump for saying grab them by the pussy is offended by cardi b's sing WAP

Guess there's only a problem when it's wet

I fell in love with a girl who only knew four vowels

She didn't know I existed

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While she was 'flying' down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait...

The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, 'Do you know why I pulled you over?'

To which she replied, "yeah but i'm late for work."

'Oh yeah,' said the cop, 'what do you do?'

'I'm a rectum stretcher,' she respo...

I only believe in 12.5% of the bible...

...I guess that makes me an 1/8th theist.

Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the disaster was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left smouldering in a tree line that bordered a farm.

The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but did not find the remains of anyone, including the President. They spotted a lone farmer ploughing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor.

"Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of...

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I just saw my wife walk by with her sexiest underwear on, and that can only mean one thing.

Today is laundry day.

Why do sharks only swim in salt water?

Because pepper water makes them sneeze.

My wife says I only have 2 faults.

I don’t listen and something else...

Only a genius can say these four words four times really fast

# EYE, YAM, STEW, PEED











Tell me if you get it

I realized I can only call him Jesus Hrist.

Because I can't C him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do black people only have nightmares

Because the last black person to have a dream got assassinated

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The White House has announced that they are recruiting volunteers for phase three clinical trials of Clorox as a treatment for COVID-19. There are only two prerequisites for participants...

The participants must be at least 18 years old, and must be registered Democrats.

Why did Shakespeare only write in ink?

Pencils posed an issue; 2B or not 2B

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The only reason your girlfriend likes to suck your cock.....

is because her parents told her to enjoy the little things in life.

What do you call a cancer patient who has colon cancer, but only a little bit?

A semicolon cancer patient.

What is the only job you have to register for?

Being a cashier.

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only plastic wrap for shorts.

The shrink says, “Well, I can clearly see you’re nuts.”

How do you know that steaks are only cut from male cows?

Because a steak cut from a female cow would be a miss steak.

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender gives the man his drink and the man asks "If I show you something crazy, would let me have free drinks for the rest of the night?"

The bartender thinks for a minute and then says "It would to be something spectacular to take that offer." The man leans down and picks up a box and sets it on the bar. He opens the box and inside is a small piano man, whom is only 1 foot tall, and beside him a little piano. The piano man starts pla...

A long haired 16 year-old with a rich grandmother is trying to get her to buy him a car, but she says she will only do it if he cuts his hair

Not wanting to lose his long hair, the teenager argues with her over the course of days. "Grandma, all the other kids have a car!" She replies "I don't care, cut your hair and you can have one too." This argument is repeated multiple times a day, with him also making other arguments. Grandma doesn't...

The head cook was also a proud linguist. He boasted to his team that he'd finally figured out that champagne and sugar are the only words that sound like "sh" without starting with "sh".

The assistant hesitated for a moment then replied-
.
.
.
"Chef! Are you sure?"

I've only got one dirty joke on this sub.

The rest were scrubbed.

Two Sisters...

One blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock.

They ...

Why did the girl wear glass only during the maths class?

To improvise d-vision.

Read carefully, because I am only going to write this once...

this

My spinster aunt thinks that statues of Jesus on the crucifix in only a loincloth is too revealing, so she has started covering them in appropriate clothing.

...aparently, she's a cross-dresser now.

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A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him, so he walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing...

She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole and you’re a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.”

He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached the lady, again with the same request.

She said, “I’m on the 14th, you are a hole...

Two Canadians die and end up in Hell.

Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.

They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."

Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to He...

A woman who had no degree, achievements, or useful skills, except for being good looking, used to be known only as a trophy wife

today they're mostly known as social media influencers

One thing I have noticed over the last few months is that I’m sick only on weekdays.

It must be my weekend immune system.

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A man’s wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes, so he walks down to the store only to find it closed.

So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her.

They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment.

After they’ve had their fun, he realizes its 3 a.m. and says, “Oh no, it...

Yo mama so fat, the only way she gets clean

is during a meteor shower

I went to the zoo yesterday, but the only animal there was a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu.

Most blocks in Minecraft are one square meter. Where in Minecraft can you find a block that has only two square feet?

Whichever one the player’s standing on.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The hulk is the only bisexual marvel character

He smashes everything

There's only one thing that scares me about Halloween. Which is?

Exactly.

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The king of a country has planted a razor in the queen's vagina in order to find out which guard she is cheating with.

in the evening, while she is sleeping.

Next day comes, and he orders them to get undressed to check on their penises, and sees that each one's was cut except for a single one's. The king yells:

\- Finally, a loyal guard to his king and country! All of you traitors should have followed ...

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A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

What do you call a Mailman who only delivers watermelon?

Post Melone

An English cat named ABC challenges a French cat named 123 to a swim across the English Channel, from the UK to France. They both swim hard, but only the English cat makes it. What happened to the other cat?

Well, un deux trois quatre cinq.

What do you call a knight who only attacks after 8pm?

A Knight of Nights

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The best joke I’ve ever heard which never fails to make me smile whenever I remember it.(NSFW)

Three explorers get lost in a huge jungle. After wandering around for days, they are found and captured by a jungle tribe. The tribesmen take the explorers to their leader and drop them at his feet. The chieftain looks at them for a moment and says, “ The three of you will die unless you manage to d...

I just bought a new thesaurus. Not only is it terrible,

it's terrible.

I asked my wife if I’m the only one she’s ever been with.

She replied “Yep, all the rest were sevens and eights”.

What do you call a person with only 25% of their spine?

A quarterback

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My girlfriend asked me to suck on her toes, but I want to suck on her boobies. I told her that I have only one strict rule:

Never accept defeat

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A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?”

"We're taking United” was the reply. "We got a great rate!”

“United?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old,...

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As a hassid I often get asked if it's true that we only have sex through a hole in a sheet?

But I get confused - how would it work without the hole?

The only good Clippers in LA

Are in the barbershop

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A Few Very Important Lessons You Will Learn Only After You Have Kids

A "King Style" water bed contains enough water to turn a 200 Sq m apartment into a 12 cm deep lake.

The voice of a 4 year old can deafen 200 normally talking adults in a crowded restaurant.

If you tie a dog leash to a room fan, the motor of the latter is not powerful enough to lift 23...

The only thing Trump has bankrupted more than his businesses is

Half the the country's morals.

Only programmers will get this one:

Why did the functions stop calling each other?

Ans: Because they had too many arguments.

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I'm the only virgin in my neighborhood

the rest are fucking pussies

Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.

Because all of his genes are dominant.

We were fed lies by our education system saying that there are only four faces carved in Mount Rushmore.

How can they miss John Cena and The Rock.

For Electrical Engineers Only !

What do they do with logic gates that behave erratically?

They call an XORcist.

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My wife said I could only get a tattoo, if she gets a boob job.

Seems only fair. Tit for tat.

In England, the seven dwarfs can now only meet in groups of six

The other one is grumpy

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.

Then they call me ugly and poor.

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For a wedding gift a guy decides to tattoo his wife's name on his penis.

When erect it proudly reads "Wendy" on the side of his shaft, but when soft it only shows "Wy". While on his honeymoon in the Caribbean, he is using the bathroom and notices the guy in the urinal next to him also has a "Wy" on his penis. He then asks the guy if his wife is named Wendy. The guy re...

German tourist visits Poland

Guy at the airport: Nationality?

German dude: German

Guy at the airport: Occupation?

German dude: Nein, nein, only vacation.

There are only two instruments mentioned in the Bible

Trumpets and saxophones when they mention the "wailing of the damned"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Therapists only want one thing

and it's fucking discussing.

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Take 2: what do you call a prostitute who only does missionary?

A back ho.

There was once an old farmer whose only virtue was 3 beautiful daughters.

One night, they were all going out on dates with their respective beaus. There came a knock at the door, and he answered.

“Hi!” said the young man standing there. “My name’s Joe. I’m here to pick up Flo. we’re going to the show. Is she ready to go?” “Yes, I’ll go and get her” said the farmer....

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Out of a 100 CIA initiates, a woman and 2 men are the only ones still remaining after a tough initiation program.

The 3 still have to perform one ultimate test to be fully initiated into the CIA.

The first man is being called by the CIA chief.
"Sir" the chief says "It is time for your final test, a test to prove you will follow orders under any circumstances"
"Right here I have a loaded gun" he con...

I once knew a girl who only dated tall guys

I guess you could say she had a foot fetish

One day a man decided to retire. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank...

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How d...

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A plane crashed in the Pacific Ocean and only three people survived.

Eventually, with the tide, they luckily got carried to shore on a deserted island. These three people, two men and a woman, were smart enough to gather everything they could to set up camp.

After three months of surviving and a long discussion with the other man, the first one went to the gi...

Heaven was becoming overcrowded to the point where Saint Peter asked if he could only let people in who had a really bad day before he died.

Once God approved, Peter went back to the pearly gates and saw a line. Excited about the new order he went to the first person and said, “tell me about the day you died.”

The first person said, “it was horrible, I could have sworn my wife was cheating on me so I came home from work early to c...

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Lance Armstrong only has his Right Testicle

Because the other one Left.

Girl: How do you know Apple is run by men? Because they call it the iPhone 6+ when it's only 5.5 inches long

Guy: Of course it's run by men, it's a trillion dollar company, not a kitchen

The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.

They're the Tolkien white guys.









Edit: Swigity Swoo, I got a silver from you?

Edit: Golly Gee, a gold for me?

Edit: Boo hoo, a baby snoo too?

Edit: Cowabunga Grift, I got a coin gift!

Edit: Beagle pup, here comes a bless up!

We have only one Mother

I don't know if it translates well but here is a joke from my country

Teacher asked kids to construct a sentence ending with "We have only one Mother"

So the first kid stands up and says:
"My Mother loves me so much she wakes up an hour earlier everyday just to prepare me food for s...

My friend called me in a panic and shouted, “An evil wizard turned me into a tiny harp! I don’t know what to do!” Frantically, I drove all the way to his house only to find out...

...he’s really a big lyre.

During lockdown I discovered that there are only 3 shops I need: Specsavers, Boots and Greggs.

My life is just specs, drugs and sausage rolls.

Why does the man at the yogurt stand only listen to world music?

Because he’s a man of cultures.

It's only three inches...

But it smells like a foot

Next January I will only be watching videos on 1080p

It's my new years resolution

Why does my computer only have a motherboard?

Because my fatherboard left to get milk.

I was sad yesterday, and today seems like it's only going to get worse

It's Sadderday.

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My penis is so small the only sex position I can do is the superposition

She never knows whether it's in or out

I don't get why people say rubik's cubes are so hard. There's literally only one combination

Yes, I'm colorblind. Why are y'all asking?

You can recycle an old brassiere into a face mask. It is important to remember to only use the left cup...

otherwise you will end up looking like a right tit.

Dave has died and is waiting in the queue to get into heaven.

As he draws ever closer to St Peter he can hear him asking people the same question.

"Denomination?" he asks a little old lady as she reaches the front of the queue.

"Methodist", she replies.

St Peter checks his notes and directs her to the eighth door on the left.

"Pleas...

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A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, the man asks his wife for sex, so naturally, she agrees and they make love. About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says...

"Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?"


Of course, the wife agrees and they do it again.

Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left.

He touches his wife shoulder and a...

The stereotype that women should only be in the kitchen is awful.

The rest of the house needs to be cleaned, too!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think, I'm going to lose my drivers license...

and all just because of a stupid police officer...
The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car:

Officer: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!"

Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything."

Officer: "Ok, let's do a little test! Imagin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why can you only get castrated once ?

Because you don’t have the balls to do it a second time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A school bus full of Catholic girls drives off a cliff and they all die.

A bus filled with 18 year old sheltered Catholic school girls drove off a cliff and they all died. So they all form a single file line in front of the gates of heaven and saint Peter says to the first girl "have you ever touched a man's penis?" And the girl says "yes but just with the tip of my fing...

Women are tho only creature to defy the laws of gravity

The heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up

Why does it take 250,000 sperm but only one egg to make a baby?

Because they just refuse to stop and ask for directions.

Have you seen the movie about the homicidal scooter that only kills right before a new scene starts?

Its called A Killer Segway.

Why do the French make their omelettes with only one egg instead of two or three?

Because in France, one egg is un oeuf.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There once was a powerful emperor who needed a new chief Samurai. So he put up posters throughout the land saying he was searching for a new chief Samurai. But after 2 months, only 3 Samurai applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese, and Moishe. So he interviewed all three.

The emperor first asked the Japanese to demonstrate why he should be his chief Samurai. The Japanese opened a little silver box and out flew a little fly. Whoosh went his sword and the fly dropped dead in two pieces. The emperor was impressed.

The emperor then asked the Chinese to demonstrate...

Someone told me I would be only 30% as heavy on Mars as I am right now...

That means I am not fat, I just live on the wrong planet..

What’s the only thing better than eating a mandarin?

Eating Amanda out.

Why does Batman only wear dark colours? Easy. Because Batman doesn't want to get shot. Why does Robin only wear bright colours?

Easy.

Because Batman doesn't want to get shot.

Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, the Pope, and a boy scout are on a plane losing altitude and there are only 3 parachutes...

Vladimir Putin jumps up and declares, “I am the smartest Russian in the world! My people need me! I will not die here!” Then he grabs a parachute and jumps out the plane before anyone can say anything in response.

Watching intently and taking notes the entire time Putin was speaking Donald T...

A young salesman walks up to a house and knocks on the door. The most beautiful woman he has ever seen answers, dressed in only a slinky negligee. She asks "Do you like what you see?" Slack jawed, the man finally manages to stutter "uh... yes, very much!"

She says "Quickly, step inside, I think I hear someone coming."

Once inside the beautiful woman drops her negligee and is completely naked. With a smile she asks "What do you think is the most sensitive part of my body?"

The salesman says "I guess that would have to be your ears."...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blind man walks into a bar.

He sits down, and orders a drink. After a little while he speaks up,
“Hey bartender, want to hear a blonde joke?”

A hush falls across the bar. The woman to his left responds,

“you’re blind, so it’s only far that you know this. The bartender is a 30 year old blonde woman. The woman...

It's only quarantine if it comes from the quarantine region of France;

otherwise, it's just sparkling isolation

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's only kamikaze if it came from the Kamikaze region in Japan...

Otherwise it's just plane suicide.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandpa loves jokes and over quarantine he sent us an extensive list of jokes. He called these ones groaners. Please enjoy. ( NSFW warning I don’t know how to tag it)

I lived in a houseboat for a while and started seeing the girl next door. Eventually, we drifted apart.



My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic. I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it is going to be on my own Accord.



A man tried to sell ...

A man noticed that his friend only smoked two cigarettes at a time.

He asked him about it and his friend said: "one for me and one on my imprisoned brother's behalf. He told me to smoke for him too"

Years later, the man saw his friend smoking only one cigarette, he told him: "I'm guessing good news! Your brother finished his sentence?"

His friend said:...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There once was a Red Indian who had only one testicle, and whose given name was 'Onestone'.

He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, 'If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!'

The word got around and nobody called him that any more.
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird ...

Only stupid people never change their minds

That's what I've always said.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Girlfriend: Guys only want one thing and it's fucking disgusting

Me: Why would you call yourself that?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It’s national sex day, and the only thing I’m Fucking

Is sad

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The only app I want stealing my personal data is Pornhub.

Their 'recommended for you' section is always lit!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The only survivor of a shipwreck washes up on a deserted island

He’s stranded alone on the island for over ten years surviving on coconuts and fish. One day he’s sitting on the beach thinking about life back home when a woman in a wetsuit and scuba gear stands up in the ocean and starts walking out of the surf, fins in hands. The man shakes his head and blinks h...

Did you hear about the Olympic fencer who would only counter-attack?

He knew ripostes were the best way to get Gold.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Queen's breasts

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.


Sid, the Dragon Slayer, obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death, should he try to touch them, but he had to try.


One day Sid revealed his secret desire to ...

What do you call a person that only eats fish and is annoying?

A pesky-tarian.

What do you call a radio that only plays music from the 1950s and 1960s?

A boomerbox

What do you call somebody who only drinks soft drinks?

I'm not entirely posutive, but I'm sure they are soda-hydrated.

Why do Stormtroopers only have iPhones?

Because they couldn't find the Androids they were looking for!

Why does a milking stool only have three legs?

Because the cow had the udder.

A maid asks for a raise

*Mrs*: Why do you think you deserve a raise? You have only worked here for a month.

*Maid*: I have three reasons, the first being that I cook better than you.

*Mrs*: who told you that?

*Maid*: Your husband said it.

*Mrs*: And what else?

*Maid*: He also told me that...

What do you call a Redditor who only posts to r/Jokes on their cake day?

An original content creator.

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