A fortune teller told me that, in 12 years time, I'd suffer terrible heartbreak.

So, to cheer myself up, I bought a puppy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is constantly suffering from terrible headaches...

A guy is constantly suffering from terrible headaches. He goes to a bunch of doctors, runs any test imaginable, and no one can figure out why. One day a doctor tells him- “I think we figured out a solution, but you’re not going to like it. If we cut off your balls, the constant headache will stop”. ...

Doctor: "Does anybody in your family suffer from mental illness?"

Me: "No... so far as I can tell, they seem to enjoy it."

I think the LGBTQ movement suffers from poor acronym

If they changed it to GQ BLT people would really enjoy it. It sounds so classy and delicious.

My mother in law suffers from acute diabetes and hay fever....

I always try to cheer her up with chocolate and flowers.

What does a president who cant get his votes up suffer from?

Electile dysfunction

My next door neighbor is a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer’s

Every morning at 9 AM he knocks on my door and asks me if I’ve seen his wife.

Which means every morning at 9 AM I have to explain to a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer’s that his wife has been dead for several years.

I could move. I could just not answer the door. But it’s wo...

"Did you hear, Susan's husband died?" "Oh noo. How long did he suffer?"

"Not long, they were married for no longer than 2 years.."

Far too many trees suffer from little dog syndrome

All bark and no bite

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[after Pumba suffers a fatal heart attack]

**Timon [sobbing]:** OH GOD WHYYYY??

**Simba:** hahaha hakuna matata buddy

**Timon:**

**Simba:** remember that? remember when you told me that? after my dad was fucking murdered?!

A patient suffering from dementia is rolled into ER.

Doctor asks : "Who is the President of the United States of America?"

Patient answers : "Who is the President of the United States of America?"

Those suffering from erectile dysfunction

Know how hard it can be.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

COVID sufferers are an arrogant bunch.

They think their shit doesn't stink.

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer

the agony of defeat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A MAN went to the doctors suffering from a severe headache for years on end.

The doctor said, “Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is it will require castration. You have a rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicle...

I formed a support group for people who suffer from Agoraphobia.

Unfortunately it didn't work out. Everyone wanted to have it at their place.

Jesus was filling in a form. The question was "Do you suffer from Tourettes?"

He wasn't sure whether to put a tic or a cross.

Do you suffer from anxiety that an intruder may be hiding in your room?

You're not alone.

Doctors say 4 out of 5 people suffer with diarrhea

That means one guy likes it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy suffering from banging headaches, finally gets to see a specialist after baffling doctors for years.

He explains to the specialist that for years now he has been suffering from banging headaches, and everything he has tried so far has no impact on the headaches at all.

The specialist carries out an examination, pokes and prods around a bit and has an idea. He runs a couple tests to be sure, ...

I just wanna say to all people suffering from Paranoia

You are not alone

Did you hear that they make a webpage for people who suffer from chronic eye pain?

It’s a site for sore eyes.

"My wife suffers from a drinking problem"

"Is she an alcoholic?"

"No I am, but she is the one who suffers"

If you suffer from schizophrenia

Don’t worry, you’re not alone

If you suffer from short term memory loss

If you suffer from short term memory loss

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Man is suffering from a disease

He gets himself checked from all the famous doctors in the city. None of them understood the problem. Then finally one doctor understands it and calls the man for an appointment. The man visits the doctor with his wife. So the doctor chose to talk with the wife first, he asks the man to wait outside...

My grandfather always said: "If you hit something with the car, you should release it from its suffering"

Still, I felt sorry for the cyclist

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm GOING to start a sub for premature ejaculation sufferers.

You guys came too early.

Reporter: "This local man is suffering with a disease that causes holes to suddenly appear on his body."

"Tonight, on the 6PM news, he opens up about his problem."

I've been suffering from amnesia...

or was it dyslexia?


All I know is that I can't remember it and I sure as hell can't spell it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to suffer from constipation

That shit was hard.

So a politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

‟So, you’re a politician...”
‟Well, yes, is that a problem?”
‟Oh no, no problem. But we have recently adopted a new system for people in your line of wo...

I'm suffering from deja moo.

It's the feeling that you've heard this bull before.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Suffering from a mineral deficiency? The only mineral you're going to need,

is some cocktanite

What do you call a group of atoms suffering from hypothermia?

Mole-cool

Police suspect that a recent string of burglaries have been committed by a person obviously suffering from severe IBS. The culprit has left their "calling card" at each house they've broken into.

Unfortunately, the police have no firm leads.

Two English gentlemen are commuters, using the Tube to the City. They get on and off at the same stations, and having done it for years they occasionally nod greetings or even exchange a “good morning.”

One of them looked really unhappy one day and the other said “I know we haven’t been introduced but if you don’t mind me saying it you do look a bit peaky.”
“My false teeth are killing me.”
“Hmmm. If you let me have a good look I may be able to help you.”
“Oh please do...”
“Give me a da...

One of the guys I went to school with suffered from Multiple Personality Disorder

But he was good people.

1 out of 5 people suffer from loneliness

So, if you look around and you don’t see the other 4 people, they’re out having fun without you.

A small town is constantly suffering catastrophic flooding when the nearby river crests...

The mayor puts out a solicitation for someone to offer a solution to this problem. Three men respond: a civil engineer, a chemist and a literary critic. They arrive to the town, and the civil engineer and the chemist go to the city hall to present their approaches, but the critic checks into a nearb...

Ok - I finally understand my life.

On the first day, God created the dog and said, ‟Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.”The dog said, ‟That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I will give you back the other ...

My girlfriend constantly suffers from urinary tract infections

I told her she put the uti in cutie.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This is such a bad joke but my brain made me write it out so I'm making all of you suffer, too.

A man named Martin absolutely hates elections, and when it comes time to elect a new mayor, or president, Martin never bothers to vote. He also makes it known to people that he hates elections and never participates in them. Martin is into cars, and constantly brags about his Ferrari, which also vex...

I suffered a broken collar bone, concussion and some minor bruising when I fell asleep at the wheel.

Got kicked out of pottery class too.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After many years of sadness and suffering, I tearfully buried my loving wife today.

She insisted that she wasn't actually dead, but that bitch told lies.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you suffer from chronic masturbation?

Im a doctor, I can help. We'll beat it together.

My doctor told me that I suffer from paranoia.

I think someone paid him to say it.

I put Whiskers down today. It was time to end the suffering.

I'm not that sad about it though. It was a dumb name for a kid anyway.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man suffered from excruciating headaches for years.

He saw doctor after doctor, and tried many different medications and treatments without success. At long last he found a specialist who discovered the cause of his problem. The doctor informed the man that his pain was being caused by a rare condition in which his testicles were pushing into the bas...

A buddy of mine suffers from dyslexia, paranoia and he's agnostic.

He's scared all the time wondering is there is a Dog

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dave was suffering from a terrible headache, so he went to see his doctor, who was a recent medical graduate.

The young doctor listened to him carefully and told him, "Go home, lie down on your tummy, open your ass wide and ask your wife to pour some gin down your ass."


"What???" said Dave. The Doctor repeated patiently, "Go home, lie down on your tummy, open your ass wide and ask your wife to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man suffered from a chronic hellish headache

He went to see a doctor who, after the usual exams, said:

- My friend, I have good and bad news. The good thing is that I can cure you of this headache forever. The bad news is that to do that I'll have to castrate you! Your testicles are pressing on your spine, and that pressure causes a he...

Why was the eagle sufferings from a sickness not allowed to enter the country?

Because it was an ill eagle.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jack suffered from terrible unrelenting migraines. He'd been to all kind of doctors with no avail.

Finally, he consulted a very controversial migraine specialist.

Doctor: "I know what you're feeling. It's a throbbing sensation in your temples that just doesn't quit. I used to suffer from such headaches too. The best thing for this is oral sex.!!
I would go down on my wife and as she org...

Why do K-pop fans suffer from flashbacks after traumatic events?

Because they have BTSD.

BREAKING: Stevie Wonder suffers major laceration in horrible accident

The wound too big for regular stitches, doctors were forced to use very super stitches

What does the agnostic dyslexic insomniac suffer from?

He lies awake every night wondering if there is a dog.

What is the difference between being a vegan and suffering from the novel coronavirus?

In the case of COVID-19, the loss of sense of taste is only temporary.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

2 Nuns and a Bottle of Whiskey

A bartender is waiting for closing time at his pub so he can lock up, and go home. It's a slow night and he has no customers.

He hears a light knock at the back door, opens it, and there are 2 nuns there. One says, "Mr Bartender, can we impose upon you for a wee favor?"

"Certainly,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A college professor reminds her class of the next day’s final exam saying, “I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever"

A guy sitting at the back asks, “What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, and says, “Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I previously suffered from premature ejaculation my GF got me some cream that reduces sensitivity

It 100% totally work's now i don't give a fuck about that bitch.

A friend of mine who suffers from long term memory loss went to an employment agency to find what work he's suited for.

Today he became chief moderator for r/jokes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

To everyone out there suffering from constipation...

I sincerely hope you have a really shitty day

Doctor: Sir, I think you are suffering from amnesia

Man: Yeah, and I think that girl over there likes me
Doc: Yeah, she's your wife

My dad suffers from short term memory loss...

I hope it doesn't run in the family because my dad has it too.

What did the doctor say to the patient suffering from a bacterial infection?

Ah, I see you're a man of culture as well

My aunt told me don’t blink because life goes by so fast

She now suffers from severe eye inflammation

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've never seen this here, and it's long and gross.

There's a farmer, who is having a hard time getting his cows to mate. Specifically, the bull doesn't seem like he can ever get into the mood. He's tried everything he can think of, but this bull just won't do it.

So he gives up on his own wisdom, and consults a cow expert. He approaches the e...

Why did the skeptic suffer from high blood pressure?

He was taking everything with a grain of salt.

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.

He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Why did the drug addict suffer an overdose of cocaine?

Because he crossed the line...

Jones is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear tire suffers a flat.

While Jones is changing the tire, another car goes by, running over the hub cap in which Jones was keeping the lug nuts. the nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain.

Jones is at a loss for what to do and is about to go call a cab when he hears a shout from behind the hospital fence, wh...

A man died this morning when he fell asleep and drown in his oversized coffee mug. But he didn't suffer

it was instant

Listen, because I won't tell you again - I'm suffering from short-term memory loss.

Ah, and one more thing - I'm suffering from short term memory loss.

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.

The store clerk called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor.

The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the
Catholic Hospital.

A nun was s...

I suffer from separation anxiety.

My wife's left me and I'm terrified she'll come back.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old fisherman suspected his wife of cheating, so he hired a private investigator...

This is a long one, so bear with me.

The fisherman and his wife lived in Saint John’s, Newfoundland and he made his living by going out into the ocean to net cod under the watchful eye of his captain.

In those days, the best fishing was to be found far out on the banks very far from...

A man's girlfriend went to Europe for 5 days with some girlfriends.

She asked her boyfriend to watch her cat while she was gone. The first day she was gone, the cat was hit by a car and was killed. The first day she was gone she called and asked how her cat was doing. He didn't want to ruin her vacation so he said the cat was fine. The second day she called and he s...

I’ve suffered from so much racist abuse today, with people yelling at me to “go home” and “go back where you came from.”

It really spoiled my giant get-together with all my friends in the park.

Buddha was feeling a little down about all the suffering, so he went to the local pizzeria for a boost of spirit.

He said to the chef, "make me one with everything."

The invitation

a man named Bob suffered from severe paranoia, it only got worse ever since the city he lived in got its first covid case.

Bob spent hours each day sanitizing his clothes and scrubbing himself to protect him from the virus.

One day Bob got a call from a very close friend of his. He w...

Studies show that 4 out of 5 men suffer from diarrhea at some point in their lives.

My question is why 1 in 5 enjoy it.

When people suffering from baldness go abroad, they often fly on...

..Receeding Airline.

"Your husband died by drowning in one of our beer tanks!"

... said the beer company reps to the woman having just learned about the unfortunate event

"Do you know ... did he suffer?" asks the woman in tears

"We honestly don't think he did.

He came out a few times to pee"

My friend Jose suffers from panic attacks. He was recently involved in a car accident.

I don't wanna sound racist, but His panic attacks are getting worse.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Benedict Cumberbatch says he suffered from crippling constipation as a kid.

No shit Sherlock

I suffer from a heart disease that only afflicts liars.

IFib

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

the strange case of the “rectal earache” reported by two researchers Cohen and Davis.

A physician ordered ear drops to be administered to the right ear of a patient suffering pain and infection there. But instead of writing out completely the location “right ear” on the prescription, the doctor abbreviated it so that the instructions read “place in R ear.” Upon receiving the prescrip...

A prisoner slipped on the stairs 5 years into his 14 year sentence.

He suffered some minor injuries but he decided to pretend to be in a coma for rest of his sentence.

When he finally decided to drop the act on the last day of his sentence, the warden arrested him again, because you aren't supposed to end a sentence with a coma.

Two doctor friends are sitting and having a chat on a bench.

Across from them, they see a man hobbling and barely able to walk.

The first doctor says “Poor guy, looks like he suffered a devastating back injury. You can tell by his posture and the way he’s shifting his weight.”

The second doctor says “I disagree. I think it’s a hip injury, look ...

Did you hear about the mathematician who suffered muscle pain when writing out equations?

They had fibromyalgebra

Amazon is launching a new personal assistant for people suffering from depression.

They are calling it Alexa Pro.

America is going to suffer if Donald Trump becomes president.

You could say they are going toupée for it.

My friend suffers from narcolepsy and is really looking forward to Christmas.

Just 214 sleeps to go.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If the Great War was a bar fight

Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria's pint. Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg. Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view. Britain recomm...

A factory worker died today after falling into a vat of coffee. Police say that although it came as a shock to all who knew him, they may take some relief from the fact he didn't suffer.

It was instant.

I just opened my own kosher hot dog stand in my neighborhood but business is suffering even though I've been told it's to die for.

So please support your local businesses and come on down to Anne's Franks. You won't regret it!

Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."

Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"

Doctor: "Nine."

I hate IKEA but whenever I go, I can’t leave without buying ridiculous amounts of things for my house.

I’m suffering from Stock Home Syndrome.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Big Chief No Shit

Once there was a tribe that lived in the depths of the jungles. Their chief was suffering from constipation. A few members of the tribe went to the city to see the doctor. Knowing very little English, they said to the doctor -
“Doctor! Big Chief no shit”
The doctor understood that the chief w...

Doctor: I'm sorry John, but you suffer from Auto Correct Syndrome

John: I didn't even know I was I'll

A man and his wife are traveling to Jerusalem for vacation. After getting there, his wife suffers a heart attack and dies. Officials in Jerusalem say it will cost $30,000 to send her back to the US to be buried, or only $500 if they bury her there. The man thinks about it and returns the next day...

He says to the officials, “Okay, although expensive, I’ll pay the $30,000 to bring her home. I heard that you buried a man here once and he rose from the dead 3 days later and I just can’t take any chances.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

During a military assault by Hun, Mulan’s company suffered a bombardment and she was knocked out.

When she wakes up, the doctor tells her: “I have bad news for you, buddy.”

Fears that her true identity has been found out, she nervously asked the doctor what is it.

“I just checked your injuries and, well your dick is gone.”

To everyone out there suffering from anxiety

You are not alone there's someone behind you

For everyone out there who suffers from paranoia and delusions

You’re NOT alone. There’s someone watching you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sinner dies and goes to Hell...

He is greeted by the Devil who says "You've got an eternity of suffering ahead of you to pay for your sins; but I'm in a good mood today, so I'll let you choose your punishment. Come along."

They walk down a path between the pits. In the first pit, sinners are being slowly roasted on a giant ...

Friend: 2 out of 3 people suffer from depression. Talk to your doctor.

Me: [hurriedly calls doctor] hey do u suffer from depression?

I don’t see what’s the big deal about Jesus anyway. God sent him to earth to suffer and die. Well guess what

He did the same to us.

Far off, in a distant land, there were three kingdoms.

Each kingdom had faced a side of a triangular lake. The first kingdom was the youngest, and wealthiest kingdom. They have the most business, biggest buildings, and the strongest military.

The second kingdom, is about 50 years older than the first. They aren't the wealthiest, but they are wel...

In celebration of my very first Cake Day, I'm reposting one of my own jokes:

A truck loaded with Worcestershire sauce is driving through Saskatoon, Saskatchewan when it collides with a Nissan Qashqai.

The truck then careens down the road and hits a car from Massachusetts, injuring the two otorhinolaryngologists inside. One of them, suffering from Schistosomiasis, has ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is a small cruise ship like a guy suffering from premature ejaculation?

Both of them only need a couple of tugs.

His holiness the Dalai Lama

Sent an email to Xi Jinping.

Xi Jinping opened the email and clicked on the attachment.

It was malware and the Party's computer system crashed.

Xi Jinping got on the phone and angrily demanded an answer from His Holiness.

"With attachment, comes suffering", said the Dalai...

Does anyone else suffer from autophobia...

Or is it just me?

I carve all my pumpkins in September.

I suffer with premature ejackolantern

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back...

The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.

Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.

A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.

At the so...

A doctor once told me laughter was the best medicine

I wish he knew i was still suffering from a stomach operation that just happened 2 days ago

A lady and her husband arr at the hospital to give birth to their baby

Just before the operation, she starts to get panic attacks due to stories she's heard of the immense pain. The doctors offer an alternative solution.

Doctor: "We've procured a machine that transfers the pain felt by the mother to the father. But be warned, the pain will be like nothing you've...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tablet trouble

A bloke was suffering from constipation, so his doctor prescribed suppositories. A week later he was back at the doctor's complaining his constipation was worse, not better. The doctor asked, 'Have you been taking the suppositories regularly?' 'What do you think I've been doing?' said the bloke. 'Sh...

A young guy suffers from debilitating headaches (slightly long)

After going through many tests over several months the doctor says the only way to cure them is to cut off his balls. After another couple months the pain is so great the patient finally agrees to the operation. A week after the operation the patient is super depressed and asks the doctor what he c...

I suffer from CDO.

It’s OCD with the letters in the correct order.

Why did the wizards show up to battle empty handed?

Their weapons were at a staff meeting.

Yes, yes. Groan, downvote, and move on. It popped into my head and I shouldn't have to suffer alone.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.