The 100+ Best Suffer Jokes

A fortune-teller told me that in 10-15 years, I would suffer the most terrible heartbreak any man has ever faced. I was so upset over learning this.

I decided to cheer myself up -- I adopted a puppy, and I've never been happier!

How many Alzheimer's sufferers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

To get to the other side.

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Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years. He eventually decides to go and see a Doctor.

The Doctor said, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.

The only way to relieve the pressure is to rem...

Two of the wealthiest men in the world suffer from ED. They team up to make a new drug and call it...

Elongates

Vladimir Putin suffers a heart attack amidst the Ukraine crisis, and falls into a coma...

... A few years later, he wakes up, gets back on his feet and walks out of his room, right past the sleeping guard.

He walks out of the hospital onto the streets of Moscow, and finds that most people don't recognize him. Several years of vegetative coma seem to have taken its toll on his appe...

America is going to suffer if Donald Trump becomes president.

You could say they are going toupée for it.

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A guy is constantly suffering from terrible headaches...

A guy is constantly suffering from terrible headaches. He goes to a bunch of doctors, runs any test imaginable, and no one can figure out why. One day a doctor tells him- “I think we figured out a solution, but you’re not going to like it. If we cut off your balls, the constant headache will stop”. ...

Doctors say 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea.

That means one person enjoys it

Just got out of a relationship where He said that if I don’t love him my life will be miserable and I will suffer forever.

That’s why I’m converting out of Christianity.

To all those suffering from Paranoia

You are not alone.

1 out of 5 people suffer from loneliness.

So, if you look around and you don’t see the other 4 people, they’re out having fun without you.

Do you suffer from anxiety that an intruder may be hiding in your room?

You're not alone.

A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.

Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?” “I was stung by a bee!” she said. “Where?” he asked. “Between the first and second hole.” she replied. He nodded and said, “Your...

My mum suffers with short term memory loss

Hope it doesn't run in the family because my mums got it too

"My wife suffers from a drinking problem"

"Is she an alcoholic?"

"No I am, but she is the one who suffers"

Do you suffer from mesothelioma?

If so, your lawyers could be entitled to millions of dollar.

Doctor: I'm sorry John, but you suffer from Auto Correct Syndrome

John: I didn't even know I was I'll

A survey found that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhoea

That must mean that one dude actually enjoys it.

To everyone suffering from anxiety: you are not alone!

There's someone behind you.

What do you call an incredibly insensitive shaman who’s also weak and suffers from chronic bad breath?

A super callous fragile mystic plagued by halitosis.

I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up

I now suffer from anxiety and depression

Help, I took medicine to clear congestion and I’m still suffering with it.

It’s 6 am and I hate traffic so much.

My doctor sent me for a prostate exam to the nearest hospital. I went, reluctantly, got called in the office and patiently suffered through the very personal examination.

When the examining surgeon left, a nurse came in and asked a question that sent shivers down my soul: “Who the heck was that?”

Doctor: “I’m sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live.”

Patient: “What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!”

Doctor: “Nine.”

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My doctor just told me I was suffering from paranoia.

Well he didn't actually say that, but I could tell it was what the bastard was thinking.

Mahatma Gandhi often walked barefoot which produced an impressive set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, making him rather frail and with his odd diet he often suffered from bad breath.

This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis.

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I told my therapist that I was suffering from affluenza.

He diagnosed me with delusions of grandeur.

You know, there was this IQ test designer suffering from the worst writer's block

He'd make decent progress, working out patterns like 'circle-3, triangle-2...' but no matter what, he always found himself going back to 'square-1'.

I went to the doctor and told him I suffer from amnesia

"Since when?" he asked me.

"Since when what?"

Why are so many New Yorkers suffering from depression?

Because for them, the "light at the end of the tunnel" is New Jersey.

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During his routine medical check, the long suffering patient asked the doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life?"

"I doubt it", said the doctor, "Mercury is in Uranus right now."

The patient said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."

“Neither do I", replied the doctor, "My thermometer just broke in your ass."

Doctor: I am afraid you are suffering from Tom Jones syndrome.

Patient: Is it common?

Doctor: It's not unusual.

The churches in town were all suffering from a squirrel problem.

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they certainly should not interfere with God’s will.

At the Baptist church, the squirre...

A man woke from a coma at the hospital after suffering a terrible accident

He began yelling "Doctor, please help! I can't feel my legs!"

The doctor said, "That's because we had to amputate both your arms."

If you are suffering from acute depression, try drinking a gallon of water just before you go to bed....

That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

Where do people suffering from lycanthropy buy their clothes?

Werewolves of London

A farmer and a necromancer sit in a bar and lament their suffering

Famer: raising a family is hard.

Necromancer: not if they're buried close enough to each other. With planning and skill, a single spell is all it takes

Farmer: what?

Necromancer: what?

I suffer from crippling narcissism.

I'm a victim of it.

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It's hard to keep a girlfriend when you suffer from premature ejaculation.

Easy cum, easy ghost.

What is the favorite dessert of people suffering from hysteria?

Ice cream.

Did you hear that they make a webpage for people who suffer from chronic eye pain?

It’s a site for sore eyes.

To all the Europeans suffering from the current heat wave, here is a reminder to stay strong.

Your ancestors colonized entire countries in much higher temperatures.

The doctor asked Fred if anyone in the family suffers from mental illness.

Fred replied: "No, we all seem to rather enjoy it."

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A man is suffering from the worst headaches...

From about age 14, a man has been getting more and more intense headaches. They started mildly annoying, but have been consistently getting worse month after month, year after year.

Finally, after about 7 years of troublesome headaches turning into bothersome headaches, turning into debilita...

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What is the sentence you can say after funeral and after sex?

She didn't suffer for too long,

The Bad News is that I suffer chronic insomnia

...but the Good News - just two more sleeps 'til Christmas.

What did the doctor say to the patient suffering from a bacterial infection?

Ah, I see you're a man of culture as well

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Three men all suffer an untimely death on the very same day.

They all wind up in purgatory and each has a sneaking suspicion that they will unfortunately end up in Hell for their various evil deeds committed on Earth. As this thought occurs to each of them, Satan suddenly appears before the three men. Much to their delight, Satan offers each of them one final...

God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.

For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
So God agreed.
God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll gi...

There are hints my grandfather is suffering from declining vision. I heard he was walking along the side of the road and walked right into a fixed object.

It might be a sign.

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My doctor said I am suffering from paranoia and constipation

I'm scared shitless

I suffer from depression, but my aunt, who dotes on me, always knows how to cheer me up

you could say she's the perfect auntie-dote to my misery

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Do you suffer from chronic masturbation?

As a therapist i can help. We can beat it together.

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I previously suffered from premature ejaculation my GF got me some cream that reduces sensitivity

It 100% totally work's now i don't give a fuck about that bitch.

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I went to a self help group for people that suffer from Premature Ejaculation last night

They said to get there at 7 but I came early.

My friend just sent me a phenomenal joke and I’m mad at her for being funnier than I am. Suffer with me.

Two guys are walking through the debris of a terrible accident. There are decaying bodies all around. The air is heavy and foreboding. The stench is putrid.

One of them starts having a coughing fit because the smell is so overwhelming. The other guy goes, “hey are you alright? What’s with al...

Why did the drug addict suffer an overdose of cocaine?

Because he crossed the line...

My dad suffers from seizures...

...so far they've taken his car, his house and his boat

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what did the Indonesian man suffering from explosive diarrhea say on August 27th 1883

"CRAPATOA"

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The woman went to the doctor and complained that she was suffering from...

...knee pains.

“Do you indulge in any activity that puts a lot of pressure on your knees?”,

asked the doctor.

“Every night, my husband and I have sex on the floor doggy style.”

“I see,” said the doctor. “You know, there are plenty of other sexual positions?”

“Not ...

The mother took her young daughter to a psychiatrist and explained to the headshrinker that the girl thought she was a chicken. The doctor soothed her, observing that an overactive imagination is not uncommon in children, and asking how long the girl had suffered from the delusion.

"Almost two years," said the mother.
"Your daughter has imagined she is a chicken for nearly two years?!" the psychiatrist exclaimed. "Why have you waited so long before bringing her in?"
The woman looked embarrassed, then confessed: "We needed the eggs, doctor."

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A Man Suffered from a 3rd degree burn in his face...

So his Wife donated a piece of her butt skin for surgery. After that He got his cheeks again and Asked his Wife how he can repay her ever again. She said dear when I see your mother and sisters kissing my Ass It well be more that enough of a reward.

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A man was suffering from constipation and has not been able to shit for several days

He told his friend about his condition who advised him to get a certain laxative at the pharmacy. His friend warned him that the lacative was very powerful and he should take it in small doses.

The man goes to the nearest pharmacy to his house after work and asks for the medecine. The pharmac...

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Some people must be suffering from mental diarrhea...

...because every time they say they have an idea, it's usually shit.

My next door neighbor is a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer’s

Every morning at 9 AM he knocks on my door and asks me if I’ve seen his wife.

Which means every morning at 9 AM I have to explain to a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer’s that his wife has been dead for several years.

I could move. I could just not answer the door. But it’s wo...

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This is such a bad joke but my brain made me write it out so I'm making all of you suffer, too.

A man named Martin absolutely hates elections, and when it comes time to elect a new mayor, or president, Martin never bothers to vote. He also makes it known to people that he hates elections and never participates in them. Martin is into cars, and constantly brags about his Ferrari, which also vex...

My friend told me he suffers from extreme paranoia...

I told him don't worry you're not alone

What does a president who cant get his votes up suffer from?

Electile dysfunction

Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years after it’s been eaten.

It’s called a wedding cake!

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[Long] A rich man suffer from extreme arachnophobia, and is searching for a cure.

He calls the best scientist, psychiatrists and even folk healers, but no one of them is able to solve his problem.

Depressed, the man goes into a bar to drown his sorrows, and tell the bartender of his issue. The man begin to tell a tale he inherited from his grandpa: "Deep into the wo...

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They're making a movie about a Scotland yard inspector suffering from chronic constipation ...

... titled, No Shit Sherlock.

I formed a support group for people who suffer from Agoraphobia.

Unfortunately it didn't work out. Everyone wanted to have it at their place.

My grandfather always said: "If you hit something with the car, you should release it from its suffering"

Still, I felt sorry for the cyclist

Far too many trees suffer from little dog syndrome

All bark and no bite

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So I was listening to the radio the other day and an ad came on: “Do you suffer from premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction?”

And I thought to myself, “No but my girlfriend probably does.”

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer

the agony of defeat.

BREAKING: Stevie Wonder suffers major laceration in horrible accident

The wound too big for regular stitches, doctors were forced to use very super stitches

I'm $20 away from ending my sick mother's suffering

Should cost that for a decent soundproof pillow

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One time I took my friend who suffered from premature ejaculation to a brothel to work on his stamina.

He blew it.

Jesus was filling in a form. The question was "Do you suffer from Tourettes?"

He wasn't sure whether to put a tic or a cross.

A man died this morning when he fell asleep and drown in his oversized coffee mug. But he didn't suffer

it was instant

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My new girlfriend just found out I suffer from premature ejaculation

She took it on the chin though.

Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm suffering from deja vu

Didn't I see you yesterday?

"My relationship with golf is starting to suffer"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah.. We're going through a rough patch"

Unfortunately my Grandfather passed away after suffering from a short illness.

He had Dwarfism

A wife comes home one day and tells her husband she has been diagnosed as suffering from split personality syndrome.

“I thought you were just role playing”, replied the husband.

“No, but my psychologist has given me two options, live with it or lose one of the personalities” she says. “What do you think I should do”?

The husband thinks for a moment, “remind me dear, which one likes it in the ass”?

Police are asking for help in solving a recent string of burglaries. The perpetrator, apparently suffering from IBS, does #2 on the kitchen floor before escaping.

So far they have no firm leads.

Studies show that 4 out of 5 men suffer from diarrhea at some point in their lives.

My question is why 1 in 5 enjoy it.

I feel bad for my neighbor the lawyer. She seems to be suffering from occupational burnout.

These days she just goes through the motions.

What’s the best Chuck Norris joke you’ve ever heard?

My personal favorite is: Chuck Norris was once bitten by a cobra snake. After 3 long days of suffering, the snake died

The caretaker of a generation ship was on his death bed

Many years before, Jacques had helped place all his friends and family into cryogenic sleep. He was a young man then and they all knew that he would likely be long dead by the time they reached their destination. They said their tearful goodbyes and drifted off to sleep.

In the years he spent...

I went to a group therapy meeting for those suffering from the imposter syndrome.

If they only knew that I did belong there.

How many dementia sufferers does it take to change a light-bulb?

To get to the other side!

(Apologies if re-post. I forgot where I heard this)

I suffer from CDO.

It’s OCD with the letters in the correct order.

I suffer from separation anxiety.

My wife's left me and I'm terrified she'll come back.

Why did the skeptic suffer from high blood pressure?

He was taking everything with a grain of salt.

What does the agnostic dyslexic insomniac suffer from?

He lies awake every night wondering if there is a dog.

What do philosophers suffering from dyslexia and insomnia do?

Keep up at night wondering whether dog exists

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Jack suffered from terrible unrelenting migraines. He'd been to all kind of doctors with no avail.

Finally, he consulted a very controversial migraine specialist.

Doctor: "I know what you're feeling. It's a throbbing sensation in your temples that just doesn't quit. I used to suffer from such headaches too. The best thing for this is oral sex.!!
I would go down on my wife and as she org...

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After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday....

But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, Fuck it, soldier on!

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