Cater Jokes - 49 Hilarious Cater Jokes

f(x) walks into a bar.

The bartender says "Sorry, we don't cater for functions".

What do you call it when a meat and cheese caterer does a drive by?

Car shootery

What could we call an international chain of hotels catering to vampires?

Hema Globe Inns

(Thoughts on this OC?)

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Why did the caterer turn down the prostitute?

He didn't like the spread

I want to open a Star Wars themed cafe that caters to people who are obsessed with bubble tea.

I am going to call it Boba Fetish.

I asked an Indian restaurant if they gave volume discounts for large catering orders

They said their prices are naan negotiable.

What do you call a restaurant that predominantly uses garlic as an ingredient that caters to literary nerds?

Allicin Wonderland

Apple made a new tablet computer catered towards children but had to abandon the product before it hit the market...

... market research deemed that "iTouch Kids" didn't go well with the target audience.

A rookie comedian asks an experienced comedian how he manages to cater his jokes toward his audience.

The comedian gives the newcomer a slip of paper with a website url. “This is a forum for comedians where they trade jokes. It’s perfect to find the right joke for the right occasion.”

So just before his first gig at a tailors convention, he looks up “jokes for tailors” on the forum. He manage...

Jewish mothers, right?

The year is 2028 and the United States has elected the first woman as well as the first Jewish president, Sarah Goldstein.
She calls up her mother a few weeks after Election Day and says, "So, Mom, I assume you'll be coming to my inauguration?"
"I don't think so. It's a ten-hour drive, your fa...

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I'm opening a Japanese restaurant that caters to food fetishists.

It's called Miso Horny

I want to open an Indian restaurant that caters to the workingclass individual.

I'll call it Naan to Five.

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Brewing company Hart Dickins is catering to its female customer base with a new alcoholic apple cider.

After all, what woman wouldn't want a Hart Dickins cider?

A friend told me that Golden Corral now has a catering service.

Apparently they buffet you with the food.

What do you call a law-abiding Middle Eastern waffle shop that caters to police officers, but tastes horrible?

Awful, awful lawful "Lawful Waffles & Falafels"

A caterer was sprinting down the hallway with a pan of scrambled eggs. My first instinct repsonse:

"I hope they like their eggs runny"

Did you hear about the new winter resort that caters exclusively to men with erectile disfunction?

It's called Lake Flaccid.

A wedding photographer was tragically killed today when a 250lb wheel of cheese fell off the catering lorry and crushed him.

All the guests tried frantically to warn him, but to no avail.

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I work in birthday catering....

And someone asked how difficult it would be to to get a dough based dessert, cooked in a stone oven, with candles on it for my my daughter's birthday....

I told them it would be a pizzacake

Terrible joke I know, but meant to be working from home, instead eating cold pizza from the nigh...

I had to stop catering to fat people in the video games I design

They consume the content *way* too fast.

After working over 10 hours with no break, I was excited to see catering had made Vietnamese food. But I didn't have time to get any because there was a huge line.

Well that felt like a big "pho queue".

On a flight from Dublin, Ireland to Boston, the chief flight attendant made an announcement...

"Due to a terrible mistake by the airline's caterer, there are only 80 dinners instead of the 225 required to feed all the passengers on board. To fix the situation, we are offering unlimited drinks to anybody who is willing to give up their meal".

Two hours before landing, another announce...

The flight wasn't carrying enough meals for all passengers.

Airborne less than 30 minutes on an outbound evening flight, the "A" stew-lead flight attendant-for the cabin crew nervously made the following painful announcement:

Ladies and gentleman, I'm so very sorry but it appears that there has been a terrible last minute error by our airport catering...

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A masochist and a sadist once married..

They did not know what the other person was and like every happy married life, they did not talk about each other's feelings. The sadist hit the masochist in bed every night and the masochist cried out in happiness that his wife could cater to his needs without him asking for it. The marriage worked...

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A film director is getting ready early in the morning to start work.

It's 6am. There's a knock at his trailer door. He answers and a crew member tells him that they've been postponing too long and have to get to work asap.

The director knows this but appreciates the reminder. He only has time to get dressed, no brushing his teeth, no eating, nothing else. ...

so a train station noticed that alot of the passengers where either musicians or gardeners.

so they decided that in order to cater to these people, they would decorate the station with metrognomes

When I was in the army I got 300 recorded kills in six months.

Then they kicked me out of the catering corp.

To anyone who works at McDonalds who is feeling bad about their life choices just remember...

You can technically put White House Catering staff on your CV now

God was talking to Adam...

God says to Adam,"Adam.You have been my son,and I have been your father. I'm going to give you something. She will cook for you,clean for you,raise your children. She shall be your best friend and soulmate. She will cater to your every whim. By her you shall be blessed."

Adam asked God,"How m...

So I've been trying to sell my Ubermensch Action Figures...

But it's difficult to cater to such a Nietszche Market.

I set up a restaurant for overweight people

I'm trying to cater for a wide audience

Help! Performing in front of a deaf audience, and need an appropriate opening joke or two (plus my favorite three little pig joke)

Tomorrow I'm conducting a charity benefit for a large state wide deaf education foundation. I'll be in front of ~500 people talking. I Want at least one slightly edgy jokes that would cater to this sort of rich (and largely deaf) audience.

"Once upon a time, Three Little Pigs walk into a ...

I met my true love at a family reunion

Oh no It wasn’t like that! She was the caterer!

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a guy checks into a questionable hotel with his family

as they're checking in, he takes the desk clerk aside. he says, "listen I never stayed here before, I'm with my family, if theres any pornography in the room can you make sure it's disabled please?" the clerk looks at him and replies, "you sick bastard! the pornography in the rooms is regular and do...

A flight from Dublin to Boston

Shortly after I took off on an Aer Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston a few weeks ago, the air hostess nervously announced that the catering department had made a terrible mistake. A big mix up she said. Although 226 passengers were on board they received only 80 dinners. She apologised, but said t...

Before celebrating a baptism, the deacon approached the young father and said solemnly, “Baptism is a serious step. Are you sure you’re prepared for it?”

"I think so,” the man replied. “My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for our guests.”
“I don’t mean that,” the deacon replied. “I mean, are you prepared spiritually?”
“Oh sure,” came the reply. “I’ve got a keg of beer and a case of whi...

The Four Witch Covens

There were once four powerful witch covens: the witches of the mountains, the deserts, the forests, and the seas. For a thousand years they made war with one another, casting curses and hexes and bringing all manner of malady to the land in their hatred for one another. One day, they decided the onl...

There were a few sandwiches sitting on the table...

Although they were quite small, they looked absolutely titillating. The sign near them said they were free, so why not?

I grabbed a roast beef one, bit into it, and suddenly I heard a little voice telling me how good I looked, and how well I was dressed. I shortly realized it was coming from ...

Newton [Long]

A man called Newton goes to a Chinese restaurant. He orders some fortune cookies. When they arrive, he opens one and sees what's in it. Only one word is written:

*Newton*

Newton raises his eyes in a mixture of confusion and surprise. How the hell did that coincidence happen? Why was hi...

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An old man was crying on a park bench

An old man was sitting on a park bench crying his eyes out. Another man approached and said "Hey old timer, whats up"?

The old man says through his tears "Oh it's awful! Last month I won £1,000,000 on the lottery and I met a beautiful girl who is a topless model and 50 years younger than me! ...

A man was known for throwing elaborate costume parties. [Long]

A successful lawyer and bachelor, he had a large home on the countryside where, once a year, he would welcome hundreds of guests to a gorgeous masquerade ball complete with a live band and exquisite catering. He would send out fancy invitations, and patrons would only be allowed into his party if th...

A software salesman died and was greeted by St. Peter at the gate to heaven.

Upon examining the great book, St.Peter tells the salesman he has an equal number of good and bad things in his life’s history, so the choice of heaven or hell is his decision to make.

The salesman, hesitant to make such a momentous decision, asks if he can tour both places to assist him wit...

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Birthday Party

A woman is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out..... caterer, band, and even a hired clown. Just before the party starts, two bums show up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman tells them that they can get a meal if they will chop some wood out back. G...

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A man and his wife just bought a new beach house with their lottery winnings.

At the wife's insistence, they start planning a lavish party to get to know their new neighbors, and the husband is put in charge of securing catering. He orders all the other food she wants for the menu, but unfortunately he forgets the escargot, and by the time he realizes it's too late. He figure...

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The Octopus Joke Retold

So this guy walks into a bar with an Octopus. He is named the Amazing Octodad, seriously it's on his T-shirt. He heads to the bar, gets a beer and waits for the music to stop. A cute blonde gives a weird wtf look when a tentacle starts wriggling over to tickle her leg but Octodad just winks and says...

Dave and his girlfriend are at a party on a hot day.

It’s a good party, everyone is having fun. And eventually the catering comes in, and everyone starts lining up to get their food and drinks. Dave’s girlfriend is feeling a bit tired, so Dave offers to go up and get her a drink. She happily thanks him and asks for some lemonade just to quench her thi...

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Decisions, decisions, decisions.

A man dies and is met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. St. Peter says to the man, "There is really nothing extremely good nor bad about your life to determine your fate. You'll have to spend 24 hours in Heaven and in Hell, then choose where you wish to spend eternity."
The man thinks for a momen...

Four dads are arguing, each dad claims to have the best son in the world.

The first dad says, "My son is the best because he is so rich, I only gave him a small loan of a million dollars and he ended up making four billion dollars from his multi-billion dollar hotel business. He has even appeared on many TV shows. He is so successful that he was elected to lead a country....

Let me introduce the little known tale of Curtis Remond.

Curtis was born in the small town of New York, the only child of a rich and famous banking family. Curtis’ father was a banker. Curtis’ grandfather was a banker. The banking linage runs as far back in the family as time can remember, ever since Gerald Redmond had emigrated from Killarney back in the...

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