A young Mexican man named Jose was curious about America so he snuck across the border

He wanted to go see a baseball game so when he went home, he could tell his family all about it. When he got there, the game was sold out, so he decided to climb to the top of a flag pole to get a better look. When he returned home, his family was anxious to hear about his experience:

"What h...

Who needs a border wall when you have Tranqs and Sleeping pills

Dart em’ and ship em’ to Montana. They’ll just wake up and go to Canada.

A man is going across the border with different bicycles everyday with bags of sand on the handle bars

The border patrol searches methodically and carefully everyday in the sand and they are never able to find anything. An agent retired 7 years later meets the man in a cafe while they’re both getting a coffee. The man asked if he could buy the drink but a question would have to be answered. The man ...

Is a cowboy with his foot across the Canadian border in Canada?

Just aboot

Our country needs a border wall. South of the border is nothing but criminals, disgusting people, and entitled people and their government does nothing about it.

Just to be clear, I live in Canada.

Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.

Juan arrives at the Mexico/US border

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on a bicycle. He's got 2 large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?"
"Sand," answered Juan.
The guard says, "We'll just see about that. Get off the bike." The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them ou...

I was stopped at the border by a guard who asked me "do you have any weapons?"

I said, "what do you need?"

I was really sleepy driving across the border..

But luckily I had Jesus take the wheel.

What’s bordering to stupidity?

Mexico and Canada.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A border custom officer saw a suspicious truck at the check post.

The officer immediately asked the Truck driver to bring the truck aside for a complete check up.

"Are you smuggling something?" asked the officer to the truck driver. "It would be wise if you told me before we found something."

"Nope," said the truck driver casually. And he was right. ...

"A bull is standing at the border of the Netherlands and Belgium, in which country gives it his milk?"

"A bull is standing at the border between the Netherlands and Belgium, in which country gives it his milk?"

"A bull doesn't give milk"

"Belgians don't know that!"

A German tourist comes to France

...a border control asks him

"Occupation?"

German: No just visiting.

What do you call the border of Finland?

The Finnish line!

Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.

The Italian Customs Officer stops them and tells them "It'sa illegala to putta 5 people in a Quattro."

"Vot do you mean it's illegal?" asks the German driver.

"Quattro meansa four" replies the Italian official.

"Quattro is just ze name of zefokken automobile" the German says unb...

Why can't Mexicans cross the border in threes?

No trespassing.

A German traveling to Poland stops at a Polish Border Security Point.

Polish Border Control Officer: "Nationality?" German: "German" Polish Boder Control Officer: "Occupation?" German: "No, just visiting"

All of the states in the continental US got together for a party. The only rule was that each state could only hang out with the states it borders. Everybody was having fun except for one state who said

"Is everyone else stuck talking to only one state, or is it just ME?"

The Irish Border

Was drawn up by a man who was being chased by a wasp.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Geography of a woman

Between the ages of 15-18, a woman is like China. Developing at a sizzling rate with a lot of potential but as yet still not free or open.Between the ages of 18-21, a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful. Between the ages of 21-30, a woman is l...

It's surprisingly cold in Argentina this time of year

In fact, it's bordering on Chile

What do you call a dog who works for ICE?

A border collie.

Illegally crossing the border really...

Crosses the line.

Trump shutting down the border would be the best thing for millennials

Once the avocado market dries up they can finally pay off their student loans and buy a house

Below our Southern border is filled with chaos, violence, and corruption. The government is in shambles and the people are always fighting amongst themselves.

Thank god I live in Canada.

Did you guys hear this joke about Trumps Mexican border wall?

It’s hilarious. I’m still trying to get over it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Mexican illegally crossed the border into the US and gets into a fight with a sex offender

It's Alien vs Predator

A teenager asks his crush out to prom

She agrees, but she has three stipulations:

First, he has to get himself a tailor-made suit.

Second, he needs to pick her up in a limousine.

Third, she wants a large bouquet of roses waiting for her in said limousine.



Determined, the teenager starts with the fi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 jews are trying to escape Germany [OC I hope]

3 jews are trying to escape Germany during ww2, but they get lost and are unable to find the border.

While walking they see a gestapo officer.

"I'm going to ask him where the border is" says the first of the jews. The other 2 try to stop him but he won't listen and runs off to ask the...

An American tourist is traveling in Thailand and stops over in a small border village for a meal. While the inside of the restaurant is rather small and modest, it does have a beautifully designed ant farm covering most of one wall. Curious, he asks the old man running the restaurant about it.

“Ah,” says the old man. “I use the ant eggs to make a dish called maengman chom. The Cambodians who visit here especially love it; they spend so many riel on it that I had that display made to show off the ants. It’s a specialty of mine; would you like to try some?”

“Ant eggs are a little exo...

This is now the longest government shut down in US History. In lighter news, if seeing who will crack first on the border wall is prolonging it, then this shut down truly is...

a Mexican stand off.

A man and his family are driving along when they're pulled over by a policeman who informs them that they're the one-millionth car to drive past his checkout, and hands them a prize check for 1000 dollars.

"What are you going to do with your winnings?" Asks the policeman.
"I think I'll use it to finally get some driving lessons!" says the husband
"Don't listen to him, he's drunk!" Barks the wife, which wakes the mother-in-law in the backseat
Upon seeing the policeman, she exclaims "Gah,...

Mexicans were asked what they thought of Trump's border wall. They replied, "we're very upset...

...but we'll get over it."

Jim the security Guard is working at the Mexican/American border, and stops a car at a checkpoint.

The driver shows the guard his license, visa, and passport, but is clearly nervous and is sweating bullets. Jim pops the trunk open to reveal four large bags. He opens them, only to reveal that each and everyone of them is filled with dirt.



One week later, Jim stops the same driver. O...

Once upon a time, there were three kingdoms, all bordering on the same lake.

For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake.

One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all. The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted ...

The Democrats agreed to sign over $6 Billion for the construction of the border wall, on one condition... that Trump stay on the other side.

Trump agreed.



...but Mexicans refused.

Why do you never seen 3 Mexicans crossing the border?

Because the signs say, "No Trespassing".

What do you get when you cook a special type of meat south of the border, but then put off eating it until the next day?

Fillet mañana

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a debate in my class about the Mexican/US border

Some argued that a wall was needed, and a rather racist friend of mine jokingly said:
"Mexicans are rather dumb, some barbed wire and such would be more than enough to keep those thieves out." After a short pause, he added: "As long as they don't start to steal the border itself".

Unsurpr...

They should build the border wall with Hillary's emails

Because people can't seem to get over them

Below the southern border is a world of corruption and evil

Good thing I live in North Korea, all praise our glorious leader

I asked my Latino friend if Mexicans are offended by all the talk of building a wall on the southern border...

He said, "Eh... we'll get over it"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do the toilets at the border only have pissoirs?

Because they are duty free.

An American got busted at the border for trying to smuggle two donkeys into Mexico.

It was an assassination attempt.

I've heard of Doctors without Borders,

but the US seems to be trying out Borders without Doctors.

An old Russian man wants to visit his old friend in Germany.

An old Russian man remembers a good friend he had in east Germany, and he decides he should go check up. He doesn't have enough money for a plane, however, so he decides he will drive. The next morning he and his wife get into their car and start driving. Several hours go by on the empty road and af...

A border patrol official comes into the Oval Office and says to Trump...

"Sir, because of the trauma of being separated from their parents, three Brazilian children fell deeply sick last night." Trump looks absolutely devastated. He sinks back in his chair, murmuring "oh my god" to himself over and over. Then he composes himself and says: "Okay. Just remind me, how many ...

They should send Hillary Clinton to the U.S. Mexico border

Since no one can get over her...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Arizona bill proposes charging porn consumers $20 to fund Trump's border wall. [OC]

In other words: If you cum, they will build it.

(Resubmitting due to rule violation the first time)

A geman goes to the french border

A german goes to the french border and talks to an customs agent.

Agent: "Occupation?"

German: "Not today"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked the bookstore clerk if he had Trump’s new book on border security.

He said “Fuck you! Get out and stay out!” I replied, “ Yes- that’s the one. Do you have it in paperback?”

ProLifeTip for border crossings: when they ask “Any drugs or weapons?”

The correct response is not “Why, what do you need?”

If Trump is so worried about border security, maybe he should take Prozac.

You know, for Hispanic attacks.

I don’t understand all this talk about borders...

...wasn’t that bookstore closed years ago?

There’s gonna be a 50p coin commemorating Brexit

It’s nearly done. They just can’t decide what to do with the border

Why does the american border patrol guard take Xanax?

To stop hispanic attacks.

A man gets pulled over by the cops, but rather than a ticket, the cop approaches him with a check...

"Congratulations!" The cop says, handing him the check "You're the one millionth driver to pass by our checkpoint. What are you going to do with your winnings?"
"Probably get my license" The man says
"Don't listen him to him! he's drunk!" Says the wife
"Heh?" Says the man's mother who...

A teenager rolled up to the Mexican border on a bike...

He had a sack of sand in his hand.

"What's in the sack?" asked the border patrol officer

"Just sand," said the kid.

The officer didn't believe him, so he opened the sack up to find just sand. The officer dumped the sack empty and dug through it but he only saw sand. He even took...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We need a wall right now. There is a crazed horde of savages at the southern border just waiting to stomp our country flat. They are murderers and rapists and terrorists! And some might be good people.

Canada really needs a wall right now.

It's a shame the immigrants and their kids at the U.S. border aren't named Church and State

then the GOP would never separate them.

A man finally decides to give contact lenses a try...

An Ontario man finally decides to get rid of his glasses and give contact lenses a try. He gets them in the mail, tries them on and is astounded at the results. To celebrate, he decides to take a long drive into Quebec to admire the changing leaves.

He crosses the border and gets very excited...

A plane crashes on the border of Canada and the U.S. Where do they bury the survivors?

Doesn't matter as long as they aren't caught

Why is Trump so fixated about the border?

Because he is hooked on adderwall

The police stops a man and woman who have their seatbelts on.

Police: "hi you're the first people today with their seatbelts on, so we want to give you an award of 5000 dollar."

The policeman seeing the happy couple gets curious and asks "what are you going to do with the money?"

The man answers: "I'm going to take lessons for my driver's license...

Trump's border wall idea will actually work! The Chinese have had their wall for over 2000 years...

There are still no Mexicans in China!

I used to be a cashier at a gas station on the Canadian border.

I would always ask what currency people would be paying with, but I stopped after a woman screamed at me for assuming her tender.

The Pope is saddend that he never sees much of the countries he visits and decides it's time for a change

After a visit to Berlin, the Pope decides he wants to travel to Rome by car. Off course, he didn't bring a car and so the German government seizes the opportunity to impress him with German engineering. They lend him the most powerful car they have available, with a German driver/bodyguard. And off ...

Two Soviet Border Guards Are Standing on the Finnish Border

One turns to the other and says, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"I suspect I am thinking what you're thinking."

"In that case, you're under arrest for treason."

Its 1938 and a German officer went to France for a holiday.

At the border the French staff looked at his papers and asked : "Occupation? "

The German replied: "No, no, no, just visiting this time"

After Trump changes course of hurricane with a sharpie

House approves budget of 12 crayons for border wall

We are really concerned with what's going on South of the Border with all the drugs gun violence and now this new Dictatorship

I am Canadian

President Trump was told there were at least 12 Brazilians in the migrant caravan headed to the Southern border...

Mr President turned to his Defense Secretary and whispered: "how much is a brazillion?"

One foggy morning on the border of England and Scotland...

...a Scottish voice came out from within the dense fog.

"Any one Scotsman can beat any 10 Englishmen."

The English general stationed at the border took offense and sent down 10 of his soldiers. There were sounds of a hell of a fight and NO ONE returned. An hour later, the same voice ...

Yesterday I met my friend from Slovakia.

He had just opened up a trampoline park near the border there, yet he seemed saddened by something when I walked in. He looked up at me with tired eyes so I asked him what was wrong:

‘What’s the matter?’ I asked. ‘There are many people here, surely business is doing well?’

He replie...

Me and the wife love Skunks and decided to smuggle one home but had to get past border control, the wife says how we going to do this? I said put it down your panties, she said what about the smell?

I said, well if it dies it dies...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At the Custom

There is this young boy living in the border of Venezuela. He is a well known trouble maker and he is well known with the police and the custom officers.

One day, the boy is crossing from Colombia to Venezuela on a bicycle with 2 bags of sand at the back.

The custom guard know this boy...

We stormed Area 51 and found an alien

He’s name is Juan, they found him at the border.

My mother died a few years ago. I recently came across her death certificate and had a brilliant idea!

"I know how we can bring mom back!" I exclaimed. "Get me a Sharpie!"

My sister, looked at me confused, "Why?"

I pointed to the border of the certificate, "It says 'void if altered'!"



(This actually happened and my sister didn't find it very funny. But we each deal with g...

A Mexican attempts to pass the border

A border control officer catches them and says, "Papers."

The Mexican replied, "Scissors."

The border control officer replied,"Dammit! Well, you're free to go!"

A timid friend of mine was arrested at the border for being a drug mule.

I didn't know he had it in him.

Guy crosses the border on a bicycle with two bags over his shoulder

The guard stops him and asks:
"What's in the bags?"
"Nothing but sand sir"
So he examines the bags and indeed nothing but sand.
"Ok you're clear move on"
Two weeks later, same thing.
So this guy goes on for months, every two weeks same bags, same sand and they find nothing and i...

A german man goes to Poland. Crossing the border, the guard asks reviews his documents.

Pole: Name?

German: Hans Guttermark

Pole: Age?

German: Neunundzwanzig.

Pole: Occupation?

German: *smiles* Nein, just visiting!

How will a border wall keep us safe...

If it keeps Americans IN?

Why does Missouri share borders with the most amount of States?

Because Missouri loves company

A Mexican man sneaks across the border to watch his favorite football team play...

...and makes it all the way to the stadium. He doesn't have tickets so he finds a large pole to climb up on and jumps down into the top of the bleachers to get a bird-eye view of the game.

After the game was over and his buddies ask him how the game was back in Mexico he replies:

"I do...

A boy is walking home with groceries and his border collie...

... and he comes across a pool of toxic waste.
Absolutely shocked at this sight, he dropped his groceries and let go of his dog. His dog wasn't the smartest, and it jumped into the toxic waste. The boy's groceries also fell in. After finally recovering, the boy called the cops to report both h...

Crossing the Border

A young Mexican man decides he wants to see a bit of America. He swims across the Rio Grande and finds a college football game about to start. He doesn't have any money to get in, so he climbs a flag pole to watch the game. Later that night he swims back across the river and tells his family how fri...

What borders on silly?

México & Canada

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