Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.

Our country needs a border wall. South of the border is nothing but criminals, disgusting people, and entitled people and their government does nothing about it.

Just to be clear, I live in Canada.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A border custom officer saw a suspicious truck at the check post.

The officer immediately asked the Truck driver to bring the truck aside for a complete check up.

"Are you smuggling something?" asked the officer to the truck driver. "It would be wise if you told me before we found something."

"Nope," said the truck driver casually. And he was right. ...

"A bull is standing at the border of the Netherlands and Belgium, in which country gives it his milk?"

"A bull is standing at the border between the Netherlands and Belgium, in which country gives it his milk?"

"A bull doesn't give milk"

"Belgians don't know that!"

Why can't Mexicans cross the border in threes?

No trespassing.

I was stopped at the border by a guard who asked me "do you have any weapons?"

I said, "what do you need?"

Juan arrives at the Mexico/US border

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on a bicycle. He's got 2 large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?"
"Sand," answered Juan.
The guard says, "We'll just see about that. Get off the bike." The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them ou...

Did you guys hear this joke about Trumps Mexican border wall?

It’s hilarious. I’m still trying to get over it.

The Pope is saddend that he never sees much of the countries he visits and decides it's time for a change

After a visit to Berlin, the Pope decides he wants to travel to Rome by car. Off course, he didn't bring a car and so the German government seizes the opportunity to impress him with German engineering. They lend him the most powerful car they have available, with a German driver/bodyguard. And off ...

The Irish Border

Was drawn up by a man who was being chased by a wasp.

Yo mama so stupid, when border patrol asked for her visa...

She pulled out her credit card.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Mexican illegally crossed the border into the US and gets into a fight with a sex offender

It's Alien vs Predator

Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.

The Italian Customs Officer stops them and tells them "It'sa illegala to putta 5 people in a Quattro."

"Vot do you mean it's illegal?" asks the German driver.

"Quattro meansa four" replies the Italian official.

"Quattro is just ze name of zefokken automobile" the German says unb...

What do you call the border of Finland?

The Finnish line!

Trump shutting down the border would be the best thing for millennials

Once the avocado market dries up they can finally pay off their student loans and buy a house

A German traveling to Poland stops at a Polish Border Security Point.

Polish Border Control Officer: "Nationality?" German: "German" Polish Boder Control Officer: "Occupation?" German: "No, just visiting"

An American tourist is traveling in Thailand and stops over in a small border village for a meal. While the inside of the restaurant is rather small and modest, it does have a beautifully designed ant farm covering most of one wall. Curious, he asks the old man running the restaurant about it.

“Ah,” says the old man. “I use the ant eggs to make a dish called maengman chom. The Cambodians who visit here especially love it; they spend so many riel on it that I had that display made to show off the ants. It’s a specialty of mine; would you like to try some?”

“Ant eggs are a little exo...

Jim the security Guard is working at the Mexican/American border, and stops a car at a checkpoint.

The driver shows the guard his license, visa, and passport, but is clearly nervous and is sweating bullets. Jim pops the trunk open to reveal four large bags. He opens them, only to reveal that each and everyone of them is filled with dirt.



One week later, Jim stops the same driver. O...

Trump has perfect historical precedent to support building his southern border wall...

China built a wall and they have hardly any Mexicans there...

Below our Southern border is filled with chaos, violence, and corruption. The government is in shambles and the people are always fighting amongst themselves.

Thank god I live in Canada.

A young Mexican man named Jose was curious about America so he snuck across the border

He wanted to go see a baseball game so when he went home, he could tell his family all about it. When he got there, the game was sold out, so he decided to climb to the top of a flag pole to get a better look. When he returned home, his family was anxious to hear about his experience:

"What h...

All of the states in the continental US got together for a party. The only rule was that each state could only hang out with the states it borders. Everybody was having fun except for one state who said

"Is everyone else stuck talking to only one state, or is it just ME?"

This is now the longest government shut down in US History. In lighter news, if seeing who will crack first on the border wall is prolonging it, then this shut down truly is...

a Mexican stand off.

Below the southern border is a world of corruption and evil

Good thing I live in North Korea, all praise our glorious leader

The Democrats agreed to sign over $6 Billion for the construction of the border wall, on one condition... that Trump stay on the other side.

Trump agreed.



...but Mexicans refused.

Why do you never seen 3 Mexicans crossing the border?

Because the signs say, "No Trespassing".

Mexicans were asked what they thought of Trump's border wall. They replied, "we're very upset...

...but we'll get over it."

An American got busted at the border for trying to smuggle two donkeys into Mexico.

It was an assassination attempt.

I asked my Latino friend if Mexicans are offended by all the talk of building a wall on the southern border...

He said, "Eh... we'll get over it"

What do you get when you cook a special type of meat south of the border, but then put off eating it until the next day?

Fillet mañana

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do the toilets at the border only have pissoirs?

Because they are duty free.

They should build the border wall with Hillary's emails

Because people can't seem to get over them

In order to resolve the government shutdown, Bill Gates has offered to fund President Trump's border wall

On the one condition that he can install windows

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a debate in my class about the Mexican/US border

Some argued that a wall was needed, and a rather racist friend of mine jokingly said:
"Mexicans are rather dumb, some barbed wire and such would be more than enough to keep those thieves out." After a short pause, he added: "As long as they don't start to steal the border itself".

Unsurpr...

I've heard of Doctors without Borders,

but the US seems to be trying out Borders without Doctors.

I like my tea like I like my border...

with ICE

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked the bookstore clerk if he had Trump’s new book on border security.

He said “Fuck you! Get out and stay out!” I replied, “ Yes- that’s the one. Do you have it in paperback?”

If Trump is so worried about border security, maybe he should take Prozac.

You know, for Hispanic attacks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Arizona bill proposes charging porn consumers $20 to fund Trump's border wall. [OC]

In other words: If you cum, they will build it.

(Resubmitting due to rule violation the first time)

A teenager rolled up to the Mexican border on a bike...

He had a sack of sand in his hand.

"What's in the sack?" asked the border patrol officer

"Just sand," said the kid.

The officer didn't believe him, so he opened the sack up to find just sand. The officer dumped the sack empty and dug through it but he only saw sand. He even took...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We need a wall right now. There is a crazed horde of savages at the southern border just waiting to stomp our country flat. They are murderers and rapists and terrorists! And some might be good people.

Canada really needs a wall right now.

A border patrol official comes into the Oval Office and says to Trump...

"Sir, because of the trauma of being separated from their parents, three Brazilian children fell deeply sick last night." Trump looks absolutely devastated. He sinks back in his chair, murmuring "oh my god" to himself over and over. Then he composes himself and says: "Okay. Just remind me, how many ...

ProLifeTip for border crossings: when they ask “Any drugs or weapons?”

The correct response is not “Why, what do you need?”

I don’t understand all this talk about borders...

...wasn’t that bookstore closed years ago?

Why is Trump so fixated about the border?

Because he is hooked on adderwall

A geman goes to the french border

A german goes to the french border and talks to an customs agent.

Agent: "Occupation?"

German: "Not today"

Trump's border wall idea will actually work! The Chinese have had their wall for over 2000 years...

There are still no Mexicans in China!

A plane crashes on the border of Canada and the U.S. Where do they bury the survivors?

Doesn't matter as long as they aren't caught

A group of Mexicans were crossing the border to the U.S. and got caught....

... the border agent says, "let me see your papers."

They all look at each other confused and perplexed.

One Mexican comes from the back of the group and says, "Senior. Hablo englais. I.. I speak.

The border agent says to him, "Well, i'll make you a deal. If one of you can use ...

Two Soviet Border Guards Are Standing on the Finnish Border

One turns to the other and says, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"I suspect I am thinking what you're thinking."

"In that case, you're under arrest for treason."

They should send Hillary Clinton to the U.S. Mexico border

Since no one can get over her...

It's a shame the immigrants and their kids at the U.S. border aren't named Church and State

then the GOP would never separate them.

I used to be a cashier at a gas station on the Canadian border.

I would always ask what currency people would be paying with, but I stopped after a woman screamed at me for assuming her tender.

President Trump was told there were at least 12 Brazilians in the migrant caravan headed to the Southern border...

Mr President turned to his Defense Secretary and whispered: "how much is a brazillion?"

Why does the american border patrol guard take Xanax?

To stop hispanic attacks.

We are really concerned with what's going on South of the Border with all the drugs gun violence and now this new Dictatorship

I am Canadian

A Mexican attempts to pass the border

A border control officer catches them and says, "Papers."

The Mexican replied, "Scissors."

The border control officer replied,"Dammit! Well, you're free to go!"

The Germans are sieging the last of the Polish resistance on the border of Romania and a few Polish troops are saying their last words

The first one says, "We will come back by the seas."

The second one says, "And by the air."

The third one simply says, "Hey, you think they have good Periogi in Romania?"

What borders on stupidity?

Mexico and Canada

One foggy morning on the border of England and Scotland...

...a Scottish voice came out from within the dense fog.

"Any one Scotsman can beat any 10 Englishmen."

The English general stationed at the border took offense and sent down 10 of his soldiers. There were sounds of a hell of a fight and NO ONE returned. An hour later, the same voice ...

Me and the wife love Skunks and decided to smuggle one home but had to get past border control, the wife says how we going to do this? I said put it down your panties, she said what about the smell?

I said, well if it dies it dies...

Why does Missouri share borders with the most amount of States?

Because Missouri loves company

A timid friend of mine was arrested at the border for being a drug mule.

I didn't know he had it in him.

What is the area at the Danish/German border called?

The DaneGer zone!

I'll show myself out.

Guy crosses the border on a bicycle with two bags over his shoulder

The guard stops him and asks:
"What's in the bags?"
"Nothing but sand sir"
So he examines the bags and indeed nothing but sand.
"Ok you're clear move on"
Two weeks later, same thing.
So this guy goes on for months, every two weeks same bags, same sand and they find nothing and i...

A boy is walking home with groceries and his border collie...

... and he comes across a pool of toxic waste.
Absolutely shocked at this sight, he dropped his groceries and let go of his dog. His dog wasn't the smartest, and it jumped into the toxic waste. The boy's groceries also fell in. After finally recovering, the boy called the cops to report both h...

What borders on silly?

México & Canada

A german man goes to Poland. Crossing the border, the guard asks reviews his documents.

Pole: Name?

German: Hans Guttermark

Pole: Age?

German: Neunundzwanzig.

Pole: Occupation?

German: *smiles* Nein, just visiting!

How will a border wall keep us safe...

If it keeps Americans IN?

If you are Palestinian, you shouldn't go to the border..

..just wait for the border to come to you

Crossing the Border

A young Mexican man decides he wants to see a bit of America. He swims across the Rio Grande and finds a college football game about to start. He doesn't have any money to get in, so he climbs a flag pole to watch the game. Later that night he swims back across the river and tells his family how fri...

I was going to make a Mexican joke but...

I don't want to cross the borders.

A Mexican gets caught by a border patrol agent..

The border patrol agent says to the Mexican,
"If you can put these 3 words in a sentence I will let you go. The words are green, pink and yellow."

The Mexican thinks for a second,
"The phone goes green green green, I pink it up and I say yellow."

There was a group of US Border patrol agents...

There was a group of US Border patrol agents manning the border. After a couple months of catching people trying to enter the country, they started to notice something.

The Mexicans would always come in groups. Often it was four or five people, sometimes it would be just two. However, there...

A Mexican man sneaks across the border to watch his favorite football team play...

...and makes it all the way to the stadium. He doesn't have tickets so he finds a large pole to climb up on and jumps down into the top of the bleachers to get a bird-eye view of the game.

After the game was over and his buddies ask him how the game was back in Mexico he replies:

"I do...

Border officer: Do you have anything to declare?

Traveller: Only an undying love of travel puns.
Border officer: ...You just crossed a line, kid.

What`s the difference between a Doctors Without Borders hospital and ISIS?

How would I know, I`m just a US Air Force Operator.

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