Come Across Jokes - 56 Hilarious Come Across Jokes

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Two economists are walking in a forest when they Come across a pile of shit.

Two economists are walking in a forest when they Come across a pile of shit.

The first economist says to the other "Ill pay you $100 to eat that pile of shit." The second economist takes the $100 and eats the pile of shit.

They continue walking until they come across a second pile of...

Two Americans were walking in the Arabian desert one morning, when they come across a mosque.

They hadn't had food or water for days, and thought maybe the people in the mosque would give them some.

"Ok, Joe, we will tell these people we are Muslims, and maybe they will give us some food and something to drink. You'll be Hassan, and I'll be Muhammed", said Roger.

"No way, man. ...

Two hunters are walking through the woods when they come across a large hole.

It's so deep that they can’t see the bottom. One hunter goes looking for something to throw down the hole hoping to see how deep it is.

He finds a rusty old anvil near by and throws it down the hole. The hole is so deep they never hear it hit the bottom.

Suddenly, they hear speeding h...

It's always weird to come across an anti-vaxxer nowadays...

...they seem to be a dying breed

What should you do if you come across a Tiger in the jungle?

Wipe it off and apologise

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Three beautiful young girls are walking along the beach when they come across a man sunbathing.

He has no arms or legs. The first girl goes up to him and says, "Have you ever been hugged?"
The man shakes his head, so she bends down and gives him a big hug.

The second girl asks him if he has ever been kissed. Again he shakes his head so she bends down and gives him a long lingering k...

Three blondes are walking through the forest when they come across a set of tracks.

The first blonde says, "Hey, look at that, deer tracks!"

The second blonde chimes in and responds, "No, Becky, those are moose tracks!"

The third blonde steps in and says, "You two are both wrong, those are obviously elk tracks!"

The three blondes kept arguing about what animal ...

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are walking along the beach one day and come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it.

"I give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total" says the Genie.
The Irishman says "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I wish all the oceans to be full of fish for all eternity and a fleet of fishing boats to catch them."
So, wit...

Two guys come across a dog licking it's own balls.

One of them says, "man I wish I could do that."

The other one says, "I'd pet him first if I were you".

It seems like everyday I come across a new article about a cure for Alzheimer's

Turns out it's actually the same article.

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Two brothers come across two fields at night.

Two brothers come across two fields at night. One field is full of watermelons, the other one is full of olive trees.

The two brothers decide to steal some olives and watermelons so they could eat it at home. One brother goes to the watermelon field, the other one goes to the olive trees fie...

Two guys are walking down the road with their dogs, one guy has a doberman and the other has a chihuahua, when they come across a restaurant

They want to go in but there's a sign on the door that says "no pets allowed - service dogs only". The guy with the doberman says, "don't worry I got this." He proceeds to put on a dark pair of sunglasses and walks inside.

The manager comes up to him and says, "sir, you can't have your dog in...

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The best palindrome i've ever come across is ...

The best palindrome i've ever come across is tit and boob

Russia soldiers come across a small Ukrainian town

(recycling a classic for Ukraine)

The commander radios to the town's occupants demanding that they surrender. He hears back in response "I may just be a single Ukranian soldier, but I will never surrender."

He thinks to himself *a single soldier this will be easy*. So he orders ten Ru...

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Paddy and Murphy come across a girl whose bike has a flat tire...

Murphy leaves Paddy to help her and goes on his way.

A few minutes later, Paddy passes Murphy on the girl's bike.

"What the feck happened"? asks Murphy.

"Well, I fixed her bike and be jaysus she takes her fuckin knickers off, lies on the ground and says, 'take what you want b...

What's the worst thing you can come across while searching the web?

Your keyboard.

You walk through the woods and come across a severed dead body. What do you do?

Check your map, clearly you're walking in circles

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Two economists are walking in the park when they come across a pile of dog shit

One economist turns to the other and says, "I'll give you $500 if you eat that dog shit." Tempted by the sum, the second economist picks up the dog shit and eats it. True to his work, the first economist gives him $500 and they continue on with their walk.

After a while, the pair come across ...

Three people, a Welshman, a Scotsman and an Englishman, are walking along together when they come across a genie.

The genie offers them three wishes.

The Scotsman goes first, saying, “I want a wall across the Scottish/English border to stop the English from coming into my beautiful country!”

The genie grants his wish and the Scotsman disappears.

The Englishman goes next, saying, “I want a w...

What do you do when you come across an elephant in the jungle?

Wipe it off and say you’re sorry!

(Works best verbally)

What do you do when you come across your ex in a Karaoke bar?

The polite thing would be to offer them a towel!!

So was at a bar last night and saw this fat chick wearing a shirt that said, "Caution, I'm a maneater". I walked up to the girl and timidly said, "Excuse me, Miss...about your shirt."

She interrupted me before I could continue and furiously shouted, "Oh let me guess, you're here to make a comment about how I'm so fat and how I actually eat men. I can't help my weight you know. I have feelings too and your comments can really hurt."

I looked at her, confused and said,"That'...

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A grizzly bear is chasing a rabbit through a forest, when both come across a magic lamp and rub it at the same time

A genie pops out and says: “I’ll grant you both three wishes. Let’s start with you, bear. What do you want?”

The bear says: “I wished all the grizzly bears, other than me, in this forest, were female”, and the genie grants it.

The rabbit says: “I wish for a Harley Davidson”, and the g...

Archaeologists in Rome have recently come across the remains of Brutus.

After some careful measurements, they've found that his height was quite astonishing - he was 98 inches tall!

Caesar even once said to him, "*8' 2", Brute?*"

What should you do if you come across a man eating crocodile?

Wipe it off, apologize, and leave him to finish his exotic meal in peace.

Three girls are vacationing in Romania when they come across a gypsy

The gypsy says, "I'll bet you 20 leu each that I can guess which country you're visiting from just by looking at you." The girls think there's no way this hack gypsy can tell where they're from just by looking, so they take the bet. The gypsy scans them for a few seconds and says, "you're all Americ...

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A fly and his fly buddy come across fresh poop...

They land and start eating, when one fly suddenly stops and says:
“Ewww there’s a hair in it”.

Two guys are walking through a game park and come across a lion that has not eaten for days.

The lion starts chasing the two men. They run as fast as they can and the one guy starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, "Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord." He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and sees the lion on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns ...

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Bill is out for a drive and comes across a place that does psychic readings.

Bill, ever the skeptic, walks in just to tell the psychic that he's a fraud and that he's taking advantage of people. The psychic tells Bill to try his Skeptic's package. "What's that?", Bill asked. "It's a special deal I offer to people who don't believe in psychics." The psychic began to explain. ...

Three friends are exploring an abandoned theme park when they come across a mysterious water slide.

At the top of the slide is a sign that reads ‘As you descend, shout out your wish and it shall be granted’.

The first friend goes down the slide and shouts ‘I WANT LOADS OF GOLD!’, and sure enough at the bottom he lands in a huge pool of gold coins.

The second friend, seeing this, goe...

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3 guys come across a magic lamp, out pops a Genie...

"You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes." The first guy immediately blurts out "I want a billion dollars." POOF, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact 1,000,000,003.50
The second man thinks for a bit, then says "I wa...

Three shoelaces are walking down the sidewalk when they come across a bar

A sign sits in front of the bar which reads, “no shoelaces aloud” the first shoelace says, “no sign can stop me!” And makes his way into the bar, the barkeeper notices the shoelace, and says, “hey! You’re a shoelace, no shoelaces are aloud in my bar!” And he grabs the shoelace by the neck, and throw...

Sherlock and Watson are browsing the market, when they come across a stall selling lemons.

"I wonder," says Watson, picking up a lemon and examining it closely. "Exactly where do these fruits come from?"

"Well," says Sherlock, plucking the lemon out of Watson's hands. "It's a lemon tree, my dear Watson."

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Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit live in the same forrest The bear is chasing the rabbit trying to kill it. Until they come across a golden frog who offers them three wishes each

Mr. Bear wishes that all the other bears in the forest were female. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a crash helmet.

Mr. Bear's second wish is that all the bears in the neighbouring forests were female as well. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a motorcycle.

Mr. Bear's final wish is that all the other bears ...

Two elephants in the wild come across a naked man.

After a bit of thinking one elephant turns to the other and says "How the hell is he supposed to eat with THAT?!"

Xi and Biden have a bet

Xi wagers that in 100 years time China would be the dominant superpower, while Biden is confident that the USA will remain uncontested.

So after their terms ended and they reached the end of their mortal coil, they were cryogenically preserved in Switzerland and woken up in 100 years.

...

What do you say when you come across three holes in the ground?

Well well well...

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[Long] Two men are walking across a field, when they come across a very large hole in the ground. So large that they can't see the bottom of this hole. "I wonder how deep it is.", the first man says. The second man pulls out a coin, and flips it into hole. They wait and listen....

....nothing. "Wow!", they both exclaim. "Let's try something else.", says one man to the other. They spot a large rock nearby, and with a struggle, they get the rock to the hole. They roll it in, wait and listen....still nothing. " My goodness! How deep this hole must be!", says one man. " Let's try...

In park people come across man playing chess with dog

They are of surprise and say "What clever dog!"

But man say: "No, no, he isn't so clever. I am lead by three game to one!"

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While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75 year old farmer, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.

Eventually the topic got around to Donald Trump and his role as the President. The old farmer said, " Well, as I see it, Donald Trump is like a 'Post Tortoise'.'' Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post tortoise' was. The old farmer said, "When you're driving down a count...

Three blokes come across a castle while wandering the woods..

They knock on the door and an older man answers

The first of the three men ask if there's any place they can spend the night, as it was getting dark out and night was coming soon.

The old man responded to the first man "yes, but I don't like you. You'll have to sleep with the cows." ...

Two men in the woods come across some bear tracks...

The first man takes off his boots and starts puttin on runnin sneakers.

The second man asks "do you really think you gonna outrun a bear?"

First man replies "I just gotta outrun you"

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Three explorers are exploring a jungle when they come across a tribe of native people...

The natives capture them, and will give them freedom if they follow specific instructions. Each explorer is to go back and find five of the same fruits/vegetables/greens, each explorer finding a different fruit/veggie. So the three explorers go out to complete the task.
The first explorer comes b...

There were three blondes going on a walk when they come across a river....

They don't know how to get across, but they decide to go to God for help. The first blonde says "please God, make me twice as smart as I am so I can get across this river" God hears this and decides to help, so God turns her into a brunette and she swims across the river. The second blonde then says...

Two friends are walking their dogs when the come across a restaurant...

Since they are hungry, they decide to go in and have a bite to eat. They're about to go in when one realizes that the restaurant doesn't allow dogs. The other says that they should pretend to be blind so that their dogs could act as seeing-eye dogs. After going in, the manager comes over to them and...

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3 Englishmen get stranded in the desert when they come across a camel and decide how to divide it up.

“I’ll have the chest of course” said the man from Manchester.

“I’ll be eating the liver” said the bloke from Liverpool.

“I’m not hungry” said the guy from Arsenal.

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Two farmers are walking along a field and come across a sheep that has gotten its head stuck in a fence.

"Now let's have some fun!" one of them says as he takes off his pants, and fucks the sheep. "Now it's your turn!" he says to the other farmer. -"Okay" he responds, sticking his head into the fence.

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Three men are traveling and come across a hotel.

They go to the front desk, and the receptionist tells them, "We have one room vacant, but it only has one bed."

There are no other hotels for miles, so the men decide to take the room and share the bed.

In the morning, the guy who slept on the left side says, "I had the strangest dream...

Two men are walking through the woods together and they come across an insanely huge hole in the ground.

The first man picks up a rock and tosses it into the hole. The rock vanishes from sight, and neither guy could hear the rock hit the bottom.

The second man decides to throw a huge log into the hole. After a few seconds pass, again there was no sound.

Both men, wanting to know how dee...

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What do you get when you come across a Rooster, a poodle, and a ghost?

Cock-a-Poodle-Boo!!!

A Jewish man is stranded on an island for 20 years

He is finally rescued by a team, and he insists on showing them the life he’s built for himself there. They come across a small clearing with a bunch of makeshift buildings.

He points to the closest one, “That’s my home.” He continues to point to the other buildings as they walk by.

“T...

A father and his 8 year old son are on a walk and come across two dogs humping.

"Dad, what are those dogs doing?" the boy asks.

"Well son, they're trying to make puppies."

That answer seemed to satisfy the son's curiosity, so no more was said about it and they finished their walk.

Later that night the boy had a nightmare and ran into his parent's room, onl...

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A father shark and a son shark come across a shipwreck...

The son shark immediately starts swimming for the people, anxious for the easy meal. The father shark stops him. The son shark asks "Why can't I eat the people?". The father explains to him, "In a moment son...watch me". The father shark proceeds to swim around the people, showing his fins. He swims...

A man and his wife are in an art museum and come across....

A portrait of a beautiful woman covered only in leaves. Wife goes to move on to the next exhibit and husband is still there staring at the portrait she asks what are you waiting for?

Husband says... Fall

You're walking through the woods late at night, and come across a group of killer clowns. What's the best move to keep yourself alive?

Go for the juggler.

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Three guys survive a plane crash in the desert. They wander for days, starving and thirsty. They finally come across a lone house and knock on the door, desperate for help...

A crusty old lady answers, and says she'd be happy to help if one of them will agree to satisfy her sexually first. After a quick discussion, one of the guys decides to take one for the team. He walks in to her bedroom while the other two wait outside the house. He tells her to close her eyes and op...

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