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My Take on a Classic Joke:

One day, Kermit the Frog was a little short on cash, so he went to the bank to speak to a loan officer. When he got there, a woman extended her hand.

"Good afternoon, sir," she said. "My name is Patricia Wack. How may I help you today?"
Kermit replied, "Hi-ho, Patricia! I'm Kermit the F...

New take on an old saying: Give a man a fish, he will eat for a day.

Buy him a fish album, he will be gone all weekend - sometimes longer.

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My take on an old joke

A man walks into a castle to speak to the King.

"I wish to join your court, my liege." said the man

To which the king responded:

"You may join, but only if you complete these three tasks I give you."

The man, eager to join the court, carefully listens to the king's instru...

A German submarine is starting to take on water

A German submarine is starting to take on water. In desperation, they radio a nearby German base.

"Help us, ve are sinking, ve are sinking"

Just as they were about to fully sink, a reply came.

"Vhat are you sinking about?"

Is it just me, or does the hero of a-ha's Take On Me video...

...seem kinda sketchy?

My take on a classic.

Donald Trump visited a fortune teller one day. He walked in past all the mystic objects and sat down. The Teller read his palm, flipped her tarot cards, and stared into her crystal ball with a pensive look on her face. "What, what are you staring at?" The Donald asked with sweat on his brow.
<...

All these people are so quick to criticize Melania Trump for wanting to take on cyber bullying when that's something her husband has a problem with

But no one criticized Laura Bush for wanting to teach kids how to read

A new take on "Why was 6 afraid of 7"

Because 7 is a registered six offender

My boyfriend is kicking me out of his house for constantly singing lyrics from "Take on me"

He said he's giving me the weekend to move all my stuff out, and he asked me when I would be able to finally leave, so I replied with "I'll be gone in a day or two."

What road did Satan take on his road trip?

Route 666

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Grandpa’s take on porn

While visiting his grandparents, a teen walks into the living room and sees that he’s grandpa is watching porn. Slightly shocked the grandson says “Grandpa, what are you doing?” Grandpa not in the least bit startled replies “watching history shows sonny” so the grandson realizing the old man’s mista...

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My take on a shaggy dog story

A man walks into a bar, orders a pint and sees a sign pinned up above the till - “talking cat, going cheap.”

He calls the barman over and asks him what the deal with the cat is and can he have a look at it. The man shrugs, goes into the back and returns with a mangy old Tom cat.

“Here ...

What did the Hyena take on it's flight?

A Carrion Bag.

I've never liked the guy who sang Take On Me...

He always seemed kind of sketchy.

Countries take on attributes of their ruler

For example, there's a king on every kingdom, an emperor rules an empire, and Theresa May is causing mayhem.

What do you say when you don’t know the lyrics to a-ha’s “Take On Me”?

“I don’t know what I’m to say”

Floors take on so much responsibility...

It's like everything falls to them.

[OC] I was already on stage when I realized Take On Me was a bad karaoke song for me to sing...

It was a real Aha moment.

I'm writing a Bollywood take on a spy movie, about a taxi driver who's really an undercover agent.

His catchphrase is, "the name's Shaw - Rick Shaw".

A few years ago, I used to live next door to both Dwayne Johnson and the pop group that sang ‘Take On Me’.

I was stuck between a Rock and A-ha’s place.

So what's your take on abortion?

Well, on one hand I love killing babies, but on the other I really hate women's rights.

Dad, what's your take on adoption?

Well... "son"...

A New Take on a Classic Joke

The weather outside has been cold as the left side of a killer whale's behind recently, and I decided to buy myself a new jacket. So I went to the mall with a friend to see what jackets there were available.

Unfortunately for me, everyone else in the city had the same idea. We first went to N...

My dad's take on 35 years of marriage.

Me: "Mom and Dad, how does it feel to have been married for 35 years?"

Dad: "Well, it only seems like it's been 5 minutes..."

Mom: "Awww!"

Dad: "...Underwater."

Why did Professor X take on an insect as a student when it couldn't talk?

Because it was a mute ant.

As I was walking along a city street, a man pulled a knife and tried to jump me. "I'll have you know, I've beaten off two men at once," I warned him. "I take on all comers!"

Anyway, we're dating now.

What do you take on a math camping trip?

2/10

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You know how dogs take on the personality of their owners?

Your dog is a dick.

They say in order to help with bonding newborns take on characteristics of their fathers.

Sure enough, my son was born with large features, a furrowed brow, and complained about nerve damage from his knee surgery.

A German tank commander boasted "One Tiger can take on ten Shermans!"

And an American replied "Good thing we have eleven."

My niece told me this one, she technically messed up the joke, but I thought it was a hilarious and unexpected take on the original

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Orange."

"Orange who?"

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Orange."

"Orange who?"

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Orange."

"Orange who?"

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Banana."<...

Two peanuts... (a new take on a classic)

Two peanuts were walking down a dark alley.

.


One was assaulted.


.


The other was a'roasted.

.

What a horrible friend. Getting baked?
A mugging is no time to smoke a joint.

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A man walks into a bar and sees a 5 gallon jug filled with $20 bills...

He sits at the bar and asks the bartender about it. The bartender replies,

"It's the $20 challenge. You put a $20 into the jar, complete a set of three challenges, and if you win you take home the entire jar!"

The man looked at it and asked what the challenges were, because that much m...

Two Irish hunters from Belfast hired a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose.

They bagged six.

As they started loading the plane for the return trip home, the pilot tells them the plane can take only three moose.

The two Irishmen objected strongly, stating, "Last year we shot six moose and the pilot let us put them all on board and he had the same plane as you...

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Three inmates on the way to prison…

Three inmates were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated.

On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?"

The first convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended t...

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A Harvard Law graduate starts first day on the job

The president of the firm says, “If you marry my daughter, I’ll make you a partner, give you an unlimited expense account, a new Mercedes, and a million dollar annual salary, in addition to your fees from the cases you take on.”

The guy says, “I don’t get it. Is something wrong with her?" The...

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