My friends make fun of me for only being able to play one Metallica song on guitar

It's Sad But True

Why do wind turbines like Metallica?

Because they're huge metal fans!

I was air drumming some Metallica at a stop light.

I lost a drumstick out the window and quickly changed to Def Leppard.

Metallica should open up a chain of mattress discount stores

And name it "Nothing else Mattress"

If Lars Ulrich of Metallica provided religious support to Kermit and his friends

He'd be a pastor of muppets

My new neighbours listen to Metallica really loud all hours of the night!

I mean, they may not want to, but they do.

I played bass on the original Scooby Doo theme song way back in 1969 and then went on to play with Metallica. AMA!

Fine, I didn’t actually play the bass on the Scooby Doo theme song, or in any band for that matter, but I’d have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you metaling kids!

My dad asked me which Metallica songs I know

I told him I only know one and nothing else matters.

How would Metallica be called if they sold beds?

Nothing else matress

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men get their wives birthday presents.

The first man, a lawyer, tells the other men “I got my wife a trip to the Bahamas and a pearl necklace. She loves pearls, so if she doesn’t enjoy the trip, I know she’ll like the necklace.”

The second man, a doctor, says “I got my wife a brand new 2017 BMW and a Louis Vuitton handbag she’s ha...

I'm surprised Metallica hasn't been on Sesame Street,

After all they are the Master of Puppets.

Was playing air drums in my car to Metallica

when I dropped a stick so I had to switch to Def Leppard.

Metallica and Nonmetallica should come together...

To form a ionic band

What do you call a Metallica song after being transcribed?

Sheet metal.

I met a guy who said he loved Metallica.

He claimed he knew every song. I played some Metallica and he couldn’t tell me what it was.


He was really just a king nothing.

What do Spider-Man and Metallica have in common?

Both have had an experience of entering Sandman

I just heard that Metallica is going to start making Whiskey

I hope it doesn't... sellout

How did Metallica get people to stop pirating their music?

They stopped releasing anything worth listening to.

I hear Metallica have an upcoming show in Amsterdam

"We're off to Nether-netherlands"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was a big metal fan back in high school.

Back in high school I was a big metal fan.

At the beginning of the summer holidays I was at this awesome house party.

It was just high school kids in the house so we were able to turn the volume way up and had a pretty awesome playlist: Metallica, Black Sabbath, Judas Priest, Iron Mai...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man goes to buy a new car...

The salesman at the dealership talks with him for a while and sets him up with a car that suits his needs. As he's leaving the lot, he wants to listen to some music and discovers there isn't any buttons on the stereo. He beckons over the salesman and asks "what's the deal with the stereo, I can't tu...

Roses are red, violets are blue

When I listen to Metallica, my neighbours do too

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mr Hetfield's dinner

So James Hetfield from Metallica walks into an Italian restaurant carrying Kermit the Frog, Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear, Gonzo, Animal, and Rowlf the dog under his arms. He strolls straight past the waiter, into the kitchen, and starts hacking them all to pieces with a large carving knife. He throws th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jim's Birthday Hat

Jim's birthday was coming up, and as much as he enjoyed his birthday, he dreaded the obligations that came with it. Despite his vehement protests, his wife had arranged lunch with the whole family, including his witch of a mother-in-law. But Jim was a good man and said he'd be on his best behaviour....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Voice activated radio.

I just bought a voice activated stereo for my car. Whatever genre of music you say, it will play the most popular artist from that genre of all time.


I told my radio "Rap"

2 Pac started playing on the stereo.

I then told my stereo "Heavy Metal"

It blared Metallica...

Why can't you hear the bass on Metallica's And Justice For All album?

Because they threw the bass player under the bus.

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