John and his girlfriend Mary decide to become bank-robbers.

Mary does the actual robbing at gunpoint inside the banks while John waits outside as the getaway driver. They are initially successful with a string of heists that make headlines and they become folk-heroes. Until one day their luck runs out and they get caught.

At trial, the judge condemns ...

Sad after the funeral of a friend, my wife and I ducked into a Chinese restaurant for a pick-me-up.

The feel-good session ended when I read the fortune cookie: “You will soon be reunited with a good friend.”

My son wrote to Santa Claus asking him for his divorced parents to be reunited

What a terrible way to find out Santa isn't real

Two tomatoes finally reunite after a long time...

They catch up.

Eldarion, son of Aragorn, High King of the Reunited Kingdom, was bored.

In a time of peace, there was not much to do, and he was long tired of his jesters. So he called for all of his subordinates, and announced a new prestigious title to which all are given candidacy; the title of “Duke of the Best Joke”.

 

Not wanting to disappoint, Finance Mini...

What would it take to reunite the Beatles?

Two more bullets.

An elderly man reunites with his lost love

One day, an elderly man is out for a walk when he discovers his lost teenage love, a woman who's about his age. The two get together, and in an instant can tell the old Fire is there. Together they rent out a small motel room when, just as they throw off their clothes, the Reaper appears at the foot...

Did you hear about the Vietnamese man who won the lottery and was reunited with his lost dog on the very same day?

It was a Nguyen- Nguyen situation.

What's the difference between Thailand and America?

Thailand reunites boys with their families.

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[Long] Two best friends reunite...

Dan, a former alcoholic gets a random call from his best friend from college, Bobby.

"Dan, I'm in town! We haven't seen each other in a minute. Meet me at the bar in an hour."

Dan tells his wife he is going to meet Bobby, and is warned not to drink any alcohol because of their previo...

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Two old friends reunite...

- Hey! I haven't seen you in a while! How are your memory problems?
- Pretty fine, actually. My doctor is helping me a lot and I barely have any issue remembering things.
- Oh, that's nice to hear. How is the name of your doctor? I'm kind of worried because I'm starting to forget things and I ...

An old man used to call his wife "mother of six" since they had 6 children and this nickname kinda annoyed her

"Mother of six, could you bring my coffe?" He would yell to her from the living room.

"Mother of six, is dinner ready?" He would say every night just to mess with her, as he laughed.

She was becoming really angry at him because of this unwanted nickname, until Thanksgiving, where the ...

The merry widow dies and goes to heaven

When she gets to the pearly gates she asks if she can be reunited with her late husband.
St Peter: "What's his name?"
Her: "Ted Smith."
St Peter: "We've got many, many Ted Smiths up here. Help me narrow it down. Where was he buried and what were his last words?"
Her: "He was bur...

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A wife who was a bit of a nag died suddenly after 25 years Of marriage. . .

On the day of the funeral the pall bearers were carrying the coffin followed by the grieving husband. They were leaving the church after the service when one of them slipped a bit knocking the coffin into the corner of a wall and jarring it rather suddenly. A moment after they did so, they began to...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

His family was experiencing financial trouble, and needed money. He tried applying for many jobs, they just didn't work out. After ending up working in the drug business to support his family, a deal went bad and he got shot, landing him to the hospital. The night his family arrived to check on him...

I like to bring broken families together

I usually reunite orphans with their parents

4 friends in their 20s....

Four friends in their 20s go to a new restaurant, Sands, because they've never been there before.

10 years later, they reunite and go back because the waitresses were so pretty.

In their 40s, they decide to go again because of the amazing wine selection.

Another 10 years pass an...

Three men die with a smile on their faces.

The Vicar (V) speaks with the widows (W*) of the deceased men during the service. He walks up to the first widow.

V: “What happened to your husband?”

W1: “Well we always dreamed of winning the lottery and we finally won after 15 years of playing. He suffered a heart attack but died ha...

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You must pass two tests, or die

Three explorers were bushwhacking their way through darkest Africa when they came upon an undiscovered tribe of cannibals.

The Chief informed them that they must each pass two important tests, or they would be eaten.

They were told for test number one, they must go into th...

Jesus is wandering through the desert

Jesus is wandering through the desert, desperately seeking his father. It has been 40 days and 40 nights since he last rested or had a meal and he is exhausted.

Just as he thinks he can't take it any more, he sees a figure on the distant horizon. He manages to summon up the energy to stumble ...

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So a horse is watching MTV...

So this horse is watching MTV. This is in the 90s where MTV actually had music on it. Anyway, the horse sees a segment on Jimi Hendrix, and decides there and then he wants to become an internationally-acclaimed guitar player (because, as we all know, all horses are left-handed).

So this horse...

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US Forces have just liberated thousands of ISIS sex slaves...

All the goats and other livestock are being moved to an undisclosed location and are awaiting to be reunited with their farmers.

German Refugee

A refugee is sitting in the street in Berlin, bemoaning his life, when suddenly, a genie appears.

"I'm the socialist, liberal genie," says he, "and I'm here to grant you three wishes."

The refugee says "You see this gap in my teeth? I want it fixed." No sooner does he say that, that he...

An Arab and a Texan find a lamp

An Arab and a Texan were walking along when they find a lamp. They decide to clean it up, and a genie pops out.
Genie: mortals you each may have one wish
The Arab thinks for a while then speaks
"I wish that the Arab nations were once again reunited under one rule. That all the foreigners we...

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A joke translated from Russian

A young man goes to a collective farm to work as a vet. The chairman of the farm greets him and tells him he already has three vets.

"But I'm special, Comrade Chairman," says the young man, "I understand the language of the animals."

"No shit," says the chairman, "why don't you show me...

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Four nuns go to heaven

Four nuns, Sister Mary, Sister Catherine, Sister Theresa and Sister Constance were en route to deliver food to a poor mountain village when their bus slipped off the narrow road and fell down the mountain to their deaths. Naturally, the next moment they found themselves at the pearly gates where St....

A Cardiologist's Funeral

A great cardiologist is being buried. All of his colleagues and fellow surgeons are reunited to mourn his. All except for one man who is laughing. The cardiologist's coffin was in the shape of a heart to honor his career. The man continues to laugh. Finally they ask him why he is so happy at a funer...

Socks are like unhappy couples in therapy...

Always trying to break up, only to be reunited by a third party.

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A plane crashes in a jungle

and three guys are the only survivors. They have to walk out of the jungle to civilization. While they are walking they hear "Foo Foo" and a big blob of shit lands on one guy's head. He is disgusted and brushes it off. He immediately falls over dead. The other two guys are freaked out, but they hav...

Bruce Springsteen...

after a long successful life finally dies and goes to Heaven. St Peter meets him at the Pearly Gates and says, "Bruce! We're so glad you're finally here! God's a big fan, you know."

Bruce, of course, is flabbergasted. "Really?"

"You bet! In fact, he's arranged to have the whole E ...

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