Went to donate blood today...awful experience, never again....

Question after question..."who's blood is it?"....."where did you get it?"....."why is it in a bucket?

My first orgy was an experience to remember. I expected to it to be full of awkwardness and disappointment.

But thankfully all my cousins were really supportive.

If all of the Democratic candidates this primary had military experience...

...then, in theory, we could have seen a race between G.I. Joe and Colonel Sanders.

My first time using an elevator was an uplifting experience.

The second time let me down

Today I had a near death experience

This guy just dropped dead right next to me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just had a near sex experience.

My wife flashed before my eyes.

A man goes to a doctor

A man goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!"

The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh only to hear, "Gimme 20 bucks, I really need 20 bucks."

"I've never seen or heard anything like t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many redittors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

17 purists who use candles and...

Psychic: Tell me about your paranormal experiences

Me: Well I've been ghosted by multiple women

Rooting for the Dallas Cowboys is the most authentic fan experience in sports.

Just like them, you too can watch the playoffs from the comfort of your couch at home.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

That's how the fight got started...

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I ...

The only experience I have with royals

Is going through a burger king drive through.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I (31m) just had the most uncomfortable experience of my life

I've always kinda wanted an iPhone but never had one before, so I go to the Apple Store to have a look. So there I am, when this middle aged guy comes up next to me, like really close. And then he starts asking me if I like the new iPhone, what do I think about the camera, am I thinking of getting o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young guy from West Virginia moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in West Virginia ." Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and
figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you d...

Are you searching for a remote job with no prior experience required, $120k base pay+commission and a high-end company car? PM me.

We'll search together.

So the interviewer asked the applicant if he had any experience as a conductor.

He responded, "Yeah, I've done a bit of training"

When you don't have a lot of work experience, but you have a lot of ex-girlfriends

"Progressive problem solving skills in an increasingly difficult work environment, with ever increasing productivity goals, only for the company to downsize and lay you off because 'it wasn't you, it was me' reasons."

Bob’s brother died so he went to the funeral director to make arrangements. She said, “To customize the experience please tell me what your brother enjoyed in life.” Bob said, “He liked getting BJ’s and smoking weed.”

The funeral director said, “Well . . . I guess a headstone would be appropriate.”

Someone once told me that a good joke draws on an experience that everyone has in common but the subject should be kind of unpleasant.

That's why I made the punchline about banging your Mum.

I just had an idea for an app that can connect people with tourettes and similar conditions, so they can have conversations together about their experiences, it's called:

Tic Talk

(I feel comfortable making this joke. I have a tic disorder)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Earl was an airplane pilot with many years of experience.

Now Earl always had a dream: to try to do a loop-de-loop with a Boeing 747.
So on his last flight before his retirement, he told the passengers
"Hello, this is your captain Earl speaking. For many years, I wanted to try to do a loop-de-loop with a plane, and today is my last flight before re...

How many sneezes does a person experience in a day?

A-Few!

Do you have any experience with debate?

Why yes I use debate to catch the fish

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you have any experience shoeing horses?

No, but I once told a donkey to fuck off.

Can't believe the near death experience I had the other day

A sudden heart attack on my couch! I was going to call 911, and then I realized

I can't die in a living room

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whenever my German girlfriend and I have sex, she rates her experience on a scale of 1-10.

Last night we were trying anal for the first time, she kept screaming “NEIN! NEIN! NEIN!” That’s the best I’ve ever done.

Do you know the difference between education and experience?

Education is when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don’t.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After retiring,

I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Brexit is like my girlfriend's experience with anal sex.

At first there was intrigue, then there came a great deal of pain. And now when it so much as gets mentioned there's no way she'll even listen.

The first time I took a girl back to my apartment, she sighed and asked, “You don’t have much experience taking off bras, do you?”

I said, “What gave me away?”

She said, “The scissors, mostly.”

A foot fetishist had a lackluster experience in bed.

I think he got off on the wrong foot.

I was in the gym with my personal trainer. He asked me if my family had any experience with exercise.

I said, "My father has a really impressive bench."

"Oh does he?" he asked. "I might have to see it some day."

He was quite surprised when I led him to the park.

A man applies for a job as a lumberjack

Well sir, do you have any lumber jacking experience?

Yes. I was part of an elite team of lumberjacks who worked on the largest lumberjacking project ever for nearly 3 years.

Oh. You don't say? Where exactly was it you worked?

The Sahara Forest in Africa, Sir.

The Sahara ...

What happens when a CS:GO streamer experiences psychological trauma ?

They use a 360-no-scoping mechanism.

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary.

The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, "Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children.


Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I cou...

I’m thinking about trying cyanide

I’ve heard it’s a once in a lifetime experience

A young Mexican man named Jose was curious about America so he snuck across the border

He wanted to go see a baseball game so when he went home, he could tell his family all about it. When he got there, the game was sold out, so he decided to climb to the top of a flag pole to get a better look. When he returned home, his family was anxious to hear about his experience:

"What h...

I fell through a window once...

It was quite the pane-ful experience

It was an overwhelming experience when I touched my inner self.

Anyway, I only use 4-ply toilet paper since then.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife

Very Long Read:

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversa...

Today I had an out of body experience

I was beside myself

This is my go-to joke to tell whenever a joke is needed. It usually only gets a laugh out of older people (but that's just my experience).

A man calls his house to ask his wife a question. A little girl picks up the phone.

"Hi honey, can you put your mom on the phone?"

"I can't, she's upstairs with Uncle Roger"

"You don't have an Uncle Roger"

"Yes I do. He's upstairs with mommy in the bedroom."

Getti...

A man gets accepted for a job interview at a shipyard

A man gets accepted for a job interview at a ship yard

Interviewer: do you have an experience tying up boats to keep them from floating away

Interveiwee: no

Interviewer: well let me show you the ropes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A male and a female martians swapped partners with an earth couple

The Martian male was fucking the earth female but she told him that his penis was too small so he pulled his left ear and his penis became longer then she told him that it's too thin so he pulled his right ear and his penis became wider and the earth female became very happy. The next night the eart...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some college kids are travelling

Some college kids are travelling the world to get some life experience. While visiting Morocco they decided to split up and meet back up at noon for lunch. One young man, losing track of time and not having a watch stops and asks a merchant who was sitting beside a camel.

The merchant looks ...

I said to my wife, "They say that childbirth is the most painful thing someone can experience."

"Now, maybe I was too young to remember, but I didn't think it hurt that much."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One time I was in Amsterdam and I decided to go to the Red Light District

As I was walking by the sex shops and back alleys I ran into a man in a suit who said
_"Hey! You lookin' for a good time?"_
So we got to talking and he eventually cut to the chase and said
_"Look you have two choices, our cheapest prostitutes can be had for a cent but our finest will run ...

In what career do you become more incompetent with more years experience?

Suicide bomber

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Blacksmith's Apprentice

A young lad was going to an interview to become an apprentice blacksmith.


The Master Blacksmith asked, "Do you have any experience in shoeing horses?"


The young lad replied, "No, but I once told a Donkey to fuck off..."

A man walks into a Brothel

A man walks into a brothel and asks the receptionist to sort him out a woman, she tells him where to go and what to pay and he goes ahead with it.

Half an hour later he comes out fustrated.

"How was your experience?" The receptionist asked

"It was okay but shes a little fridgit,...

A friend asked me if I'd ever had a paranormal experience.

I said I'd been ghosted by numerous people.....

A word to the wise from personal experience.

If your brother, Charles is being held over allegations of drug dealing, it's no help putting up a banner on his house saying "Free Charlie."

A man was at an interview for a tree-cutting job...

And the interviewer asked if he had any past experience.

"Yes, I have a lot of experience," the man said, "I cut down all the trees in the Sahara Desert."

The interviewer replied, "But the Sahara Desert doesn't have any trees."

"Yes, not anymore."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bill Clinton and the Pope

Bill Clinton and the Pope both died on the same day. Due to a minor clerical error, the Pope went to Hell, while Clinton went to Heaven.

When the Pope arrived in Hell, everyone realized the mistake. Due to an issue with the union, they couldn't swap the two until the next day, and the Pope h...

A World War II Spitfire pilot is speaking in a church and reminiscing about his war experiences...

"In 1942, the situation was really tough. The Germans had a very strong air force. I remember one day, I was protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokkers appeared!"

There were a few gasps from the parishioners and several of the children began to giggle.

"I loo...

A 54-year-old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near-death experience. Seeing God she asked, "Is my time up?"

God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a...

Why is it terrifying to get a Mohawk?

Because it's a hair raising experience

(I'll let myself out)

You know, under the right context, a kidnapping has the potential to be a very serene experience

For example, a kid napping.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think that during sex ed

Schools should let their students have firsthand experience.

A four-engine passenger jet experiences engine trouble...

...and the pilot comes on the intercom, saying, "Passengers, we apologize, but we have experienced an engine burn-out. The plane can still fly on the remaining three engines, but we'll be delayed in our arrival by two hours."

A few minutes later, the airplane shakes, and passengers see smoke ...

An atheist’s near death experience:

God: Welcome my son!

Atheist: God?

God: Yes; you’ve had an accident do not worry. You will wake up soon enough.

Atheist: So before I do I’ve got to ask... did Noah really build an arc for all the animals in the world?

God: Yes, but you’ve got to realize that ...

When I was a child I was forced to work in a German sausage factory.

It was the wurst experience of my life.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) I just had my first experience with Anal

That's the last time I buy single-ply toilet paper.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A beautiful woman is sitting next to a teenage boy on a plane.

There is terrible turbulence and then the plane goes into a sudden nose dive. The Captain comes on the intercom and says “I hate to have to tell you this folks, but we might not walk away from this one.”

Everyone begins to panic except for the boy who sheepishly turns to the woman and says, ...

A bus full of ugly people crashes

Everyone dies and they all go up to the pearly gates. St. Peter approaches the first person in line.

“My dear. You get one wish before you enter the kingdom of heaven. What is it?

The ugly person replies. “I’ve been ugly my entire life. I’d love to experience what it would be like to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pot-heads ice-fishing experience.

A stoner wants to learn about ice fishing. So he gathers all the needed equipment and makes his way to the closest frozen ice. He goes about 20 feet out and drills a hole in the ice. "There's no fish there!" Booms a voice. The stoner shrugs and moves a further 50 feet out and drills another hole. "T...

Interviewer: Why you want to work on Customer Service?

Me: Well, I am very good at apologising for things that are not my fault.

Interviewer: Did you acquire that experience on your previous job?

Me: No, my relationship.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Elderly British Couple Takes a Trip to Australia

After seeing the beaches and tourist attractions they decided to rent a car to go and see the Outback. They ask the man at the rental car counter if it's a pleasant drive, and he assures them that it is beautiful and they'll have a lovely time.

After several hours the couple storm into the r...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy and a girl are on their third date.

They haven't done anything more than kissing and the guy was getting a little bit desperate for action. So after a movie and some food he suggest they take a drive up the mountain to get a view of the city. (and some privacy before taking her home). Up there in the car they start kissing. He makes a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

“It’s impossible,” said pride. “It’s risky,” said experience. “It’s pointless,”said reason. “Give it a try,” said the heart,

"You're full of shit" said the bowels.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I met a proctologist the other day

It was a really shitty experience.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy talks about his experience at the brothel with his friend

1st guy: "Yo man I just had this amazing time at the brothel. This girl was able to blow me and sing to me at the same time!"

2nd guy: "No way! How'd she do it?"

1st: "No idea. The only condition she had was that I put on a blindfold. I got an idea. I'm gonna invite her to my house ton...

Berlin's Hottest Nightclub

A hot new nightclub, Integers, opened up in Berlin. The club's
advertising referenced the "infinite" amount of space on the inside, and its excellent location downtown. The walls were sleek and black, with purple house lights and an immaculate sound system. Drinks were all priced at whole dollar...

An engineer, a psychologist, and a theologian were hunting in the wilderness of northern Canada.

An engineer, a psychologist, and a theologian were hunting in the wilderness of northern Canada.

Suddenly, the temperature dropped and a furious snowstorm was upon them. They came across an isolated cabin, far removed from any town. The hunters had heard that the locals in the area were quite...

I applied to be a doorman but didn't get the job due to lack of experience!!!!

That surprised me, i thought it was an entry level position. :(

“Wi-Fi laptops can damage your sperm”.

In my experience, not as much as sperm can damage your Wi-Fi laptop.

A horse goes to a bar and orders a pint...

The bartender says, "You know, you're in here pretty often. Do you think you might be an alcoholic?"

The horse replies, "I don't think I am," and suddenly vanishes from experience.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost.

It's been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he could

forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees.

One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines

covering most of it and the man can't see any other buildings i...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.