A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony.

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by and the man immediately gets an erection.

The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Did you call for me?"

The ma...

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A lady is trying to join a biker gang...

Biker guy: "You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

Her: "No, but I been swung around by the tits."

New woman joins a golf club.

When she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?"
No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot. Finally, one man says. "Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m." He figures the early tee-time will ...

There's a gang in my city who recruit new members by threatening them with all kinds of horrible punishments if they don't join...

But enough about church, how's your day been?

I’m going to join the Navy purely out of spite

I’m longing to become a Petty Officer.

3 blondes want to join the police force...

They all go to the police station for an interview to become policewomen. The policeman conducting the interview tells them for this part of the interview I’ll hold up a mug shot of a man for 5 seconds and then ask you to tell me a distinctive feature you remember. He shows the first blonde the mug ...

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A Priest, a Rabbi, and an Imam join each other for a game of golf

The game is going well and all 3 are pretty even. On the 16th hole, the Rabbi drops it into a water hazard.
“Oh God, Come on!” He says, but immediately asks for forgiveness.
On the 17th hole, the Iman lines up a drive but shanks it wildly.
“God damn it!!!” He exclaims, but quickly gets on h...

I tried to join a club for the directionally challenged

I couldn't find the meeting

A man joins a Tibetan temple

He takes a vow of silence but is allowed to say two words every year.

After an arduous 12 months of eating rice, sleeping on a wooden bed with a raggedy blanket, and working 14-hour days in the field, the man goes to the head monk and says his two words:

“More blankets.”

Anoth...

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So I just got home after a date and the girl wanted to join me for some coffee.

I said no.

Who the fuck drinks coffee at 10PM?

I couldn't join the KKK, apparently my bloodline isn't pure enough

Turns out, my parents weren't even related.

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A crusty old man walks into the local Lutheran Church and says to the secretary, "I would like to join this damn church."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church." And with that said, the secretary lea...

My son refused to join the family DJ business. But then returned 6 months later, begging for a job.

Oh, how the turntables.

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he's allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words.

He clears his throat and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That's not surprising," the elders say. "You've done nothing but complain since you got here."

"Sorry Moses, but you can't join Greenpeace..."

"...We're a non-prophet organization."

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Guy goes to the doctor for a checkup and gets bad news.

"You've got a rare disease and you've only got 6 months to live," the doc tells him. The patient is incredulous and tells the doctor he's going to get a second opinion.

He finds another doctor a few days later and after a battery of tests, this doctor gives him the same bad news. Patient is ...

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What club do racist scientists join?

The Potassium Potassium Potassium.

Three men attend a job interview to join the FBI.

The first man walked into the office, and the FBI agent who was conducting the interview explained: ‘To be in the FBI, you must be loyal, dedicated and willing to obey orders. Here’s the scenario: your wife is sitting on a chair in the next room, and I want you to go in there and shoot her with this...

I left my job as a school teacher to join the military

The risk of getting shot was just too damn high

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead all join a tournament.

They are allowed to bring any weapon they choose, and the only rule is that the first person to draw blood wins.

The brunette walks in with a badass double edged axe,

the redhead walks in with a huge longsword,

and the blonde shows up with a red marker.

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[Long] [NSFW] Three couples wanted to join a very strict church.

As they met with with the Membership Committee, the Lead Elder told them they could join if they passed a simple test of purity.

"All you need to do it abstain from sexual intercourse for six months," he said. "Do that and you are in."

Six months passed and the three couples returned t...

An old man checks out the local Nudist Colony to see if he wants to join

The clerk invites him to take a nude, self tour. He agrees and proceeds to go for his tour, completely naked, sporting only his cigar... not five minutes into his stroll he sees a beautifully shaped young lady in the buff which aroused him quickly... the young lady, noticing his erection decides to...

Priests should join the raid on area 51

So that it'll be aliens vs predators

r/jokes has a discord and you need to join!

Because I am getting pretty dam sick of y'all agreeing with each others.

If Caitlyn Jenner joins the mafia

Would she become a made man or a self-made woman?

One day a man decides to join the US Marine corps.

During training, he just can't keep up, so the sergeant tells him to go home and wait until he's called upon as a reserve.

35 years go by and the man is still not called into action, so he decides to retire.

Out fishing one day, enjoying his retirement, a car flys past him out of contr...

Caitlyn Jenner becomes a super hero but doesn’t know what group to join...

She’s still deciding whether to be an Ex-men or a Trans-former

Some people say “if you can’t beat them, join them”

I say “if you can’t beat them, beat them”, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise

A man joins the mob and becomes the personal assistant to the Godfather

One day he receives a text message from the boss. "I've been having problems with my wife. Please pull the plug and then call someone in to take care of the matter."

The man knows better than to question the Godfather, so he dutifully carries out the command. He shoots the boss's wife, and th...

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A jew and a goy are seated together in a train compartment. No one else joins them and as the train gets underway, the goy decides to engage the jew in a conversation.

The goy asks the jew all sorts of questions about his religion. The jew patiently answers them all.
Eventually they take out their pack lunches and continue the conversation. The goy asks:

« Why is it you people are so smart? »

The jew thinks about it for a while and responds:
...

A woman joins the army....

A woman was walking through a store when she noticed a colorful flyer pinned to a billboard. It reads:

JOIN THE ARMY NOW! You will receive benefits such as:
• Free college education
• Many veteran benefits
• Experience in many fields of work
• Travel
• Any free car after a sp...

Want to join my flat earth society group?

It has millions of people from all around the globe in it.

I just read a book on how they join two boat panels together.

It was riveting!

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It took a lot of balls for my friend to join the cast of a new Reality TV show called “Embarrassing Bodies.”

Four, to be exact.

I tried to join a Jewish society but they didn't let me in

I guess I just didn't make the cut

How do you get Americans to join a World War?

Tell them it's nearly finished.

Bernie Sanders joins list of 2020 Democratic Presidential candidates.

Err sorry, typo. That should be:
Bernie Sanders joins list of 2,020 Democratic Presidential candidates.

Why did the female zombie join the online dating site?

Because she wanted to find Mr. Wight.



I know its lame, but I wrote it myself, so I was proud.

If you know anyone who wants to join the debate team

You should try to talk them out of it.

- Honey, I go to the GYM! You wanna join?

\- Do I look fat or what?

\- If you don't wanna go, don't go.

\- So now you say I'm lazy.

\- Calm down, I didn't say that.

\- So you think I'm hysteric, right?

\- No. I didn't say that!

\- Aha, so I'm a liar too.

\- OK. You don't go.

\- Wait a...

There’s a group of kids outside my house having a water fight, I’ve decided I’m going to go and join them

I’m just chilling on reddit waiting for the kettle to boil

Crow joins two other feasting on a dead rat...

says - a murder, eh?!

I wanted to join the #trashbag movement and pick up a nasty bag of trash,

but the presidential secret service wouldn't let me anywhere near him.

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Somebody asked me if I'd ever join the "Mile high club"

I said I couldn't give a flying fuck

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Ole and Lena want to join the local church

So they go meet the pastor. The pastor says “This church very high standards for our members. In order for me to accept you as new members, you will have to prove you are worthy by abstaining from sex for 30 days”.

Ole and Lena look at each other and said “Ya, sure, vee vill give it a try”...

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A man joins the French Foriegn Legion...

..to forget something. After a while, he had certainly forgotten why he joined, but being a lifetime commitment, he decided to make due.

Nothing was horrible, except for the fact that his small desert outpost was totally devoid of women. After a couple of weeks of build up, he went to his se...

They say us british people like to join queues

We dont and i will be first in line to tell you that

An Australian Man Joins the U.S. Army

As they present themselves at boot camp, the drill sergeant walks up and down the line, looking for signs of weakness.

He stops and gets in the Australian's face and asks "Did you come here to die soldier?"

The Australian calmly responds, "No sir, I came here yester-die."

Why did the nympho want to join the mob?

She heard she would be able to whack a lot of men

I tried to join in on #trashtag, but now I'm in jail.

Apparently it doesn't matter how annoying they are, you can't just clear out white trash.

John, a high school student, wants to join an afterschool club.

He looks through the catalog and decides on Yearbook. One day after school, he walks through the halls but realizes he doesn't know which room is Yearbook.

Finally, after looking around for 10 minutes, he gives up. He sees a room which has people editing photos inside. Thinking it must be Ye...

A sailor leaves his wife to join the navy.

He writes to his wife that he is on an island surrounded by beautiful women and while he will try to be faithful, he needs something to distract himself from the war.
His wife writes back but sends a package along with her letter. The letter reads, "here's an accordion. I want you to practic...

Anyone wanna join my prayer group for woodworkers?

It's called "Oh, Ye of Whittle Faith."

Man and his wife join a weight loss club. They're told to try and lose at least 2 pounds by the next week.

When they return after a week the mentor asks them how much they lost.

The wife begins, "I lost 10 pounds".

"That's amazing! Well done, and you?" He says, pointing at the husband.

"Well, I actually gained 10 pounds", the husband responds.

"Oh, that's no good at all. H...

Women are finally being allowed to join the SAS!

About time as well, there's no way those brave lads should be cooking their own meals.

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The KKK recently announced that male Asian porn stars are welcome to join the Klan

As they too are a part of he supreme cockasian race

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Usain Bolt goes to join a golf club.

And he goes to one place, but he doesn't realise that it hasn't changed since the days when segregation was acceptable, and doesn't allow black people to be members. So he goes up to the reception and says, "Hi, I'd like to join this golf club."

"I'm sorry, sir", says the receptionist, "but I...

A Hippo wants to join the local hippo gang

While speaking with the gang leader he's told in order to join the gang he must have respect for his brothers and impeccable manners.
He nods his head and let's the leader know he was raised in a noble, high class family. These things came easy to him.

The hippo struts out of the leaders r...

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A young couple wanted to join a church.

The reverend told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from sex for one whole month."

The couple agreed and after two-and-a-half weeks returned to the Church. When the Pastor ushers them into his office, the wife is crying and the husband obviously ver...

Why was William afraid to join the army?

He was scared of the command “fire at will”

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For my New Year’s resolution, I decided to join a gym to improve my sexual stamina.

Turns out none of them offer 60 seconds a month memberships.

Join the flat earth society! We don’t discriminate, because...

We have members all around the globe.

Yes. Flat earth is truly a global movement with a great “sphere” of influence.

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So a new guy joins the navy...

And when he gets on his first boat, the captain welcomes him. “What’s up new guy, lemme show u around the ship.” For the next few hours they tour the ship going from bunks to the corridors, everything you can imagine. Eventually the new guy stops him with a question in mind.
He asks, “ Hey, it’s...

My best friend: “There’s a really hot girl coming over, you gotta join us.”

So I go over there, and we go hard for like 40 minutes.


Then I was like: “Yo timeout... When does that girl get in here bro?”

A frail old lady wanted to join a biker club...

She knocked on the door of a local biker club, and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answered the door.

She proclaimed proudly, "I want to join your biker club."

The man was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain requirements before she was allowed...

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Retired nurse wants to join biker gang

This retired nurse wanted to join a biker gang. It was in the 70’s and times were different. They had to interview her first, to see if she was tough enough. They said that they had to ask her 3 questions. The biker asked her if she drank. She replied “Hell yes I drink! I was at the bar last night...

Why did Yukon Cornelius join Reddit?

He heard there was Silver and Gold.

A man decides to quit his job and run away to join a pirate crew

A man decides to quit his job and run away to join a pirate crew. After spending a few hours at the dock, he sees a man who has a peg leg, a hook hand, and an eye patch; the man is obviously a pirate captain. The man promptly joins the captains crew and they ship out to sea that very day.
<...

I swiped right on a girl without a picture, and we matched.

So after a brief chat i went to go pick her up. I wasn't expecting much, probably 300 lbs with bad skin, but hey, I was so desperate it was this or join an incel chatroom.

I walked up to the door and lo and behold, 5'2", baby blue eyes, strawberry blonde hair, all the right curves in all the...

In order to join our club, you must perform the dance

It's called 2 step verification

Why Was Donald Trump Not Allowed to Join the CIA?

Because they already had Agent Orange

I tried to join a gymnastics class, once.

I had to bend over backwards just to get in.

Thank you to the dad I overheard telling his daughter this on public transport... a genuine dad joke.

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A man joins the crew of a sailing ship.

After a few days he gets restless and asks "What does one do about sex around here?"

The others direct him to a large barrel with a hole in it. At first he does not like the idea much but, when he tries it, he finds it surprisingly enjoyable. He has another go the next day, and again the d...

By popular demand, we now have a discord server. Join this

I know, I'm not very original. This is a re-post. But it's apparently a good one since it's always at the top of the list.

A man joins an order of Monks.

The head Monk says to the man "This is a silent order. You will only be allowed to speak once, every 15 years."
The man says "Ok" and so begins his time with the silent order.
15 years pass and the man is sitting in the refectory when the head monk approaches and says to the man "It has been f...

what does it feel like to join a suicide bomb squad?

I don't know, you'll have to C4 yourself!

A young man wants to join the Navy. "Can you swim?" the recruiter asks him.

"Why, don't you have boats?"

A dog is being interviewed to join MI6

The agent in charge of the process is irritated by this, but he is relieved that the agency provides a set of guidelines that dictates whether or not a candidate passes. So the agent takes the dog for the first test.


“Your first task is to type at 60 words a minute.”


To the age...

Maybe the only way to join Illuminati..

Is to buy WinRAR License?

What grades do you need to join the navy?

7 C’s

What is the hardest religion to join?

The diffi-cult.

A man gets tired of the rat race and decides to join a monastery...

...

On his first day the Monsignor tells him, "Brother, to be a monk here you must take a vow of silence that will only allow you to speak two words every 10 years. Do you consent?"

The man agrees and is assigned various duties to perform along with his meditations and such.

Af...

What do you call a musician who joins the military

A Major

I watch the Boston Marathon every year with my best friend. This year his girlfriend decided to join us, but she just couldn't understand why we were laughing.

It was a running joke.

A man looking to join the Texas sheriffs is being interviewed for the job

The deputy doing the interview says, "Well all of your referrences check out and your qualifications are good. The only thing left is to see how you do on the attitude test."

The deputy slides a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk. "Take this and go shoot 6 illegal Mexicans, 6 bl...

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Two brothers are forced to join the military.

Both don't want to go. The oldest brother says don't worry i got this, we just gotta make sure we don't pass the medical exam. During the exam the oldest puts a hundred dollar bill between his buttcheeks. The doctor asks him to bent over, looks and says oh you are very sick defenitely not in good sh...

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I wanted to join the premature ejaculation club

I wanted to join the premature ejaculation club but I got the times mixed up and came too early

Why did the electrician join Facebook?

So he could post his current status.

A sailor has just signed up to join a Transatlantic trade crew for their latest voyage...

The rest of the crew have worked together for years, so he's the only newbie. Initially, it seems to be a pretty ordinary job.

However, after the initial work of loading the ship and leaving the harbor was done, he noticed something weird.

During lunch or dinner, whenever most of the c...

Why did the vampire join the circus?

To become an acrobat.

A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint

A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey “Hey! what are you doing?” The monkey says “Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.”
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have anoth...

Angela Merkel, Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump are shot during a conference and die...

Up in the sky, they are greeted by Saint Peter who says: ‚You have died. As you are politicians, surely you have sinned. Therefore you must wade through the Swamp of Lies before you can go to Heaven and join Him in eternal happiness.‘

As in her former life, Merkel wants to tackle every challe...

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Being circumcised, I couldn't join a fraternity...

Apparently you have to be complete dick.

At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table.

Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.

“This is so embarrassing,” the woman says, and she pops her eye back in place. “I’m sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy dinner and make...

Why wasn't the hammer allowed to join the party of seven other tools?

Cause he was tool eight.

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