The next morning, the wife tells her husband that she had slept over at a friends house. The husband then contacted all of his wife’s friends asking about it: none of them said that she was staying the night.
A few nights later, the husband doesn’t come home one night. Just like his wife, the...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother a question
"Is it true what Rita just told me?" "What's that?" asks her mother. "That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter. "Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter. ...
A girl come home from kindergarten and talks to mom:
\- Mommy, our teacher never saw a horse in her life!
\- Why do you say that, sweetie?
\- I drew a horse in class, and she didn't know what it is.
A man come home from work one day...
... and asks his wife "Can you get me a beer, before it starts?"
The wife gets the beer and he drinks it in one chug.
He asks his wife again "Can you get me a beer, before it starts?"
Again, the wife gets the beer and he drinks it in one go.
Once more he asks his wife "Ca...
A woman is waiting for her elderly husband to come home
She turns on the news and sees a live report of a dangerous motorist driving the wrong way down the motorway, so she calls her husband to warn him.
He responds: "Just one? There's bloody hundreds of them!"
Husband: My wife is missing. She went to rescue people from the flood yesterday and has not come home ...
Sergeant at Police Station: What is her height?
Husband: Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
Sergeant: Weight?
Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.
Sergeant: Color of eyes?
Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really ...
Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
A working man would come home after a week of hard work, so his wife thought that she could suprise him with a mighty dinner
So she gutted a chicken and threw it's intestines in the toilet. When the husband came home they had a great dinner and ate themselves full. After the dinner the husband stood up and said "excuse me, I need to go to the toilet" after a while the husband came back pale white a soaked with sweat. The ...
Wife comes home one day wearing a brand new diamond tennis bracelet.
Husband asked were she got it from. She tells him she won a raffle at work, than ask him to get a hot bath ready for her. Not thinking to much about, the husband gets her bath ready. A week later the wife comes home with a mink coat on. Again the husband asked were she got it from. She again...
My wife said she wants to spend more time with me after I come home from work
Now I work from home so I never come home from work.
A woman went out for drinks one night and didn't come home till morning.
The next day she told her husband she had slept over at a friend's house. The man, not believing her, decided to call his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.
The following week it was the man's turn not to come home one night. The following day he told his wife that he had sle...
My wife said, "You always come home in a bad mood..."
"I can't remember the last time you came home in a good mood."
I said, "That's because you weren't here."
HER: come home
HIM: can't i am arrested for double homicide
HER: my parents aren't home
HIM: about that
A dad buys a lie detector machine and waits for his son to come home
When the son comes home:
Dad - So you were at school right?
Son - yeah
Lie Detector - BEEP
Son - Okay, okay I was at the cinema with my friends
Lie Detector - BEEP
Son - ....I was having a few beers with my friends
Dad - What??? When I was your age I ...
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