A Computer Science student at MIT showed up at his buddies dorm room with a new bike. His buddy said “sweet bike, where’d ya get it?”

“You’ll never believe this,” he said, “I was walking across campus and this beautiful blonde on a bike stopped, threw down her bike, tore off all her clothes and said _take whatever you want!_”

His buddy stared at him blankly for a minute, then said “smart. Her clothes would have never fit yo...

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We should have a TV show where illegal immigrants hunt down sex offenders for a chance at citizenship

We can call it "Alien vs Predator"

I saw a crying kid and asked him where his parents were.

And that's how I lost my job at the orphanage.

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replies, "That would be my wife."

A black guy in a library asked me where the colored printers were.

I said, "Dude, it's 2021, you can use any printer you want."

A man decided to join a monastery where you were only allowed to say two words every 10 years

[LONG]

After 10 years in the monastery the head monk summons’ him and says ‘You’ve been with us for 10 years. What two words would you like to say.’

The monk replies ‘I’m hungry’, so the head monk organises for an extra ration be given to him each day.

After 20 years the head mo...

Where do terrorists go when they die?

Everywhere

I parked my car outside parliament. "Sir, you can't park here," said a cop. "This is where our politicians work."

"Don't worry, I've locked it."

So the Pope goes down into a deep vault below the Vatican, where they keep the most ancient sacred texts.

Scholarly Priests spend decades examining these handwritten scrolls for translation errors. The Pope finds one of them hard at work and asks if he has found anything.


"Why yes, your Excellency. Look here, where we have always thought it said 'smite', but there's an 'R' there, it clea...

Does anyone know where I can go to meet someone who will hang out and do things with me?

Asking for a friend.

There's been an explosion at the paint factory where my brother works.

He's missing, presumed red.

My wife asked me where I wanted to be buried.

Apparently, "balls deep in your sister" wasn't the response she was looking for.

A couple were watching a movie in a dark theater when a mosquito went inside the girl's pants. Can you guess where did the mosquito bite?

On the boyfriend's hand, you dirty minded perverts. Smh.

During a job interview at the 99 Cents store, my son was asked, Where do you see yourself in five years?

My son’s reply: “At the Dollar Store.” He got the job.

Where did the "T" in Bri'ish go?

they drank it all



im such a comedian

Where does a mansplainer get water from?

A well, actually.

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God asks Adam “Where is Eve?”

Adam says “she’s at the river washing her pussy”.

God says “Damn you, Adam. I’m never gonna be able to get that smell off the fishes again...”

Jim and Joe are sitting at a bar drinking and jim asks where is John? Joe says John is missing . What happened asks Jim . Well joe says

John forgot his wedding anniversary again. His wife flew into a fit of rage, walked out to the driveway pointed to the ground and said., I want a present that goes from 0 to 200 really fast and I want it here by tomorrow morning.
Fine says Jim but that doesn't explain where John is.
Well cont...

Where did Captain Hook buy his hook?

From a second-hand store

Where do you get more lard from?

The larder.

MY gf said we where breaking up , i was confused

Then i went out and the signal was lot clearer

My 8yo daughter came up with this: Where does a horse go when it gets sick?

The horsepital!

People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo done, but they never believe me when I tell them Spain.

Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.

A fellow redditor asked where all my karma came frome

If you're good enough, it's honestly a piece of cake.

Where do fish keep their money

River banks.

Where do you find a dog without legs?

Right where you left him.

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door, where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance!" screams the husband. "It's three o'clock in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push." he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not! It's three in the morning and it's pouring out!"

"Well, you have a short memory." says his wife....

Where do the Asian crows live?

In Croatia.

I’m thinking of a career where I estimate crowd sizes at different outdoor events.

I wonder how many people are in that field.

Did you know that during child birth there is a point where the lady experiences such excruciating pain that for a moment

She almost knows how bad it is to be a man who has the flu

Where does Dracula buy his pencils?

Pennsylvania.

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A jew visits a brothel

He talks to the guy at reception:

- Hello, I want to see Samantha.

- One moment sir.

A beautiful young woman comes downstairs.

-Have you asked for me?

- Yes, I want to spend the night with you.

- Alright but my service is a bit expensive. $1000 for a night....

Where do Gynecologists get their training?

...

...

...

Private School

Where does Satan shop for luxury items?

Demon Marcus.

I am so terribly sorry.

"Hey, that's a cool looking Olympic medal. How did you win it? Where did you win it? What material is it made from?"

"Iran."

Where is the worst place to hide if you are having a game of hide and seek in a hospital ?

The ICU

Bank Robber: Where's the safe?

Teller:

Bank Robber: I SAID WHERE'S THE
SAFE?

Teller:

Bank Robber: WTF!!

Penn: He always does this.

A man furiously approaches his neighbour and shouts, “Where is your wife!?”

“Why?” the neighbour asks. “What did Anna do?”

“She tricked my wife into investing in a fake farm for giant snakes,” the man yelled.

“Anna conned her?”

“No. Burmese python.”

Where do typist go for a drink?

To the space bar

Did you hear about the recent lottery winner? It was the Old Woman In A Shoe, seriously! Guess where she lives now?

Beverly Heels.

Where do you find a Samurai who would give his life for you?

on Oni Fans

Jack, a renown atheist, dies and to his utter surprise ends up in hell where he's greeted by Satan himself. Completely shocked he talks to the devil and says: "Welp, I've been wrong all my life and I guess I'm now to pay the price for my lack of faith". Satan laughs and replies: Awh it's not so bad.

He then proceeds to escort Jack through a beautiful lush green plain with flowers, scattered here and there there's a bunch of houses where other "damned" live. As they pass through each house the inhabitants recognize Satan and invite them inside for a drink and a chat, a request that's always gran...

Albert Einstein was a musician throughout his life. He had a phase where he experimented with hip hop. His rapper name was

MC squared

I discovered where they keep all the dad jokes

The dad-a-base...

Where does Dorian Gray get his clothes?

Forever 21

My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.

It’s an extremely rare dish order.

My favorite Will Smith movie is the one where he is part of a map

I Am Legend

I stayed in a hotel last week where the towels were so thick....

I could hardly close my suitcase.

Job Interviewer : Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Me : I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

Wanna know where the word "politics" come from?

Poly which is Greek for many, and tics, English for pesky parasites

Where do lights go when they've been bad?

To prism.

Where do you go to find something you lost at a laundromat?

The washed and found

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A boy starts his first day at Walmart.

His trainer says to him "I'll take care of the first 2 customers to show you how it's done and you can look after the 3rd.”

So the trainer goes to the first customer and says "Can I help you, m’am?" Lady goes "I'm looking for some garden hose.”

Trainer "Okay 10, 20 or 30 ft?"

L...

When a girl tells you to take her to the most expensive place, where should you take her?

an American hospital

What do you call the container where you keep the stuff you're exes gave you

The Xbox

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are talking about where they would go if they were astronauts.

The brunette says "the Moon. The Redhead says "Mars". The Blond says "The Sun." When the other two girls say she can't go to the sun as she'd get incinerated, she replies with "I'd go at night, duh!"

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Did you guys hear the one about where a donkey got into a hat store destroying all the hats and the cops had to come and kill it?

It was pretty crazy, dead ass no cap.

Carnival is offering a new voyage where you set sail and leave a bunch of senior citizens behind in the snow.

It's called a Ted Cruise

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The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to...."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.

"Really..?" the photographer asked. "Well, good....

where is the best place to hide a body?

the second page of google search

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My grandad told this one to his friend and I kinda overheard it and knew where it should belong

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years.
He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into ...

I gave a homeless guy $5 today

I gave this homeless guy $5 and an old lady behind me told me he's just going to use it for drugs, so I confronted him and asked where I could also get drugs for $5

"Where do you want this big roll of bubble wrap?" I asked my boss. "Just pop it in the corner" he said.

Took me three hours...

My girlfriend said she had a dream where I cheated on her

So I went out that night and picked up a girl at the bar. I want to make all my girlfriend's dreams to come true

where do witches sleep?

in a bed broom

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Bob came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, "You died in your sleep, Bob."

Bob was stunned, "I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!"

St. Peter said, "I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken."

Bob was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home.

The next thing...

Where does the general keep his armies?

In his sleevies.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A father whale and his son are swimming when the son whale asks his father "where did I come from." The father whale replies "from my penis son." The son rolls his eyes and says "thanks dad" To which the father whale replies...

"You're whale cum son, you're whale cum."

Where do DJs do their research?

Wiki-wiki-wikipedia

Where does a myth buster sleep?

In debunk bed.

Where does the gardener go to get rid of her unwanted flowers?

Plant Parenthood

Where do horses live?

In the N e i g h bourhood

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me: You get to a point in a relationship where you've seen your partner's butthole more than they have. This is a beautiful thing.

Priest: the bride has also written her own vowes.

There was a point in time where I couldn’t afford to pay my electricity bills

Those were darkest days of my life.

When you call 911 no matter where you are your phone will connect to even the smallest amount of service to get your call through

They use the same idea to make mobile game ads

Where do Asian neckbeards come from?

M'laysia

While walking down the street one day, a senator is tragically hit by a truck and killed.

His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.


"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."


"No problem, just let ...

Where are average things made?

At the satisfactory!

A man loses his hat and decides the easiest way to get another one is to steal it.

He goes to the church cloakroom to get a hat. A sermon about the Ten Commandments was going on. The man pauses to listen and then changes his mind. On nearing the exit, he runs into the pastor.

He says, "I came here with sin in my heart. I must say, you saved me from crime."

The pastor...

Alexa, where's my dad?

Alexa-Your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.
Young Boy-Ha, got ya Alexa ! My Dad is sitting here right next to me.
Alexa-Your mothers husband is sitting here right next to you. Your Dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.

Where do you live?

\- London

\- Where in London?

\- Isle of dogs

\- I love them too! But where do you live in London?

Where do Cow Farts come from?

The Dairy Air.

Where do horses go when they get sick?

The horse-pital.

Lol jks, they get shot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A frustrated wife goes to the doctor (long)

"Doctor, you have to help me. I've been married 30 years to my husband and I feel he's lost all interest in me. You know, phisically speaking. He barely looks at me, let alone have sex with me. Oh, I really miss the good old times where we had wonderful sex multiple times a week, there must be somet...

A man in an interrogation room says "I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present."

Cop: You are the lawyer.

Lawyer: Exactly, so where's my present?

A man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey...

A man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey.

The barkeep says "That'll be 2 pence"

"2 pence!?" said the man. "That's cheap! Do you sell food?"

"Yep" , said the barkeep

"Alright, I'll have a steak and chips" replied the man

"Sure" said the barkeep, "That's also 2 pe...

Where does the holy bread go after it is consumed?

The Garden of Eaten

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three prisoners are being transported to the prison where they will spend the rest of their lives. On the way there they have a chat about the things they're taking with them.

The first prisoner says:

- I've got a drawing kit. When I'm behind bars, I want to spend the rest of my life making art.

The second says:

- I've got cards. Now I can play stuff like poker, blackjack or bridge.

The third one says:

- And I've got a box of tampons....

Where do Incans go to sneeze?

Achoo Picchu

A man gets a flat tire outside the fence of an insane asylum.

While he's changing the tire he sees a patient on the other side of the fence observing him so he hurries. He gets the flat off and puts the spare on, but since he was rushing to get out of there, he accidentally drops all 4 lug nuts down a drain. While he's standing there staring at the spare wit...

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A mum and son are driving on a highway and out of no where,

A red rubbery dildo comes flying , hits the windshield and goes away, so the mum trying to save the boy's innocence says, 'wow that was a huge bug' , and the boy says "Dang! How does it fly with a cock that big!"

I was up all night wondering where the sun had gone...

And then it dawned on me.

Where do bees go when they want to ride the bus?

A buzz stop!

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Scarlett Johansson and some guy were the only survivors of a shipwreck.

They didn't know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was...

At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed, this guy learnt how to provide food and shelter, he started taking care of her, and eventually she started caring about him... after all, there wasn't anybody els...

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"

Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"...

Man: Where should I begin my search for water?

Friend: Well to start with

Where do pigs live in Germany?

Ham-burg

I just had a nightmare where I was ugly.

But I just woke up and looked in the mirror, _dreams really do come true!_

A Collie was talking about how hard he works on the farm where he lives.

A nearby sheep piped up 'YOU don't work hard, all you do is boss US around.' 'WHAT DID YOU SAY' shouted the collie. 'You herd me' the sheep replied






Edit: thanks for all the upvotes, this is my first post ever on here!!!

Edit 2: removed emoji

My husband purchased a world map and then gave me a dart and said, "throw this and wherever it lands - that's where I'm taking you when this pandemic ends."

Turns out, we're spending two weeks behind the fridge.

I have recently discovered that I have a foot fetish, but I'm not sure where to start.

I just want to get off on the right foot.

What do you call a store where you negotiate for off-the-book shrimp transactions?

A Prawn Shop


(I know, I know, it's a dumb one but it made me laugh)

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Where do we get virgin wool from?

Ugly sheep

I'll believe it is a 'Smart phone', the day I can yell, "Where is my stupid phone?"...

...and it answers, "Here in the couch cushions.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man in Melbourne walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of cabbage. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of cabbage. The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter...

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some old bastard outside wants to buy half a head of cabbage."

As he finished his sentence, he turned around to find that the man had followed and was standing right behind him, so the boy quickly added, "...and this gentleman kindly o...

I'm opening a floating restaurant on a houseboat where we sell ice cream tacos, and our mascot is a gorilla dressed like an ancient Mongolian warrior.

I call it "Attila Gorilla's Vanilla Tortilla Flotilla"

I’ve just got my latest batch of hemorrhoids medication but I had to call the doctor when I got a bad reaction. He asked ‘where did you apply it?...

On the bus I said.

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A blonde is sitting next to a brunette on a plane. She turns to the dark haired woman and asks, "Where are you from?"

The brunette haughtily replies, "I'm from a place where we know better than to end a sentence with a preposition."

The blonde pauses for a second and then asks, "Where are you from, bitch?"

Where do Russian helicopter pilots keep their drinks?

In Akula

Did you hear about that group where only Trump supporters are allowed?

Everyone else is forbiden

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A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his...

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A duck walks into a pub...

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich. The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck." "I see your eyes are working," replies the duck. "And you can talk!" exclaims the barman. "I see your ears are working, too," says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I...

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Where are homophobes from?

Asgard

My friend and I have started a business where we weigh tiny objects.

It’s a small scale operation.

Where are the "Yes-men" and People Pleasers made?

The satisfactory

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Heisenberg, Schroedinger and Ohm are in a car...

Heisenberg, Schroedinger and Ohm are in a

car...



... And they get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"No, but I know exactly where I am" Heisenberg replies.

The cop says "You were doing 55 in a 35." Heise...

After Hunt for Red October came out, my family moved from Moscow to San Francisco, where I became a fan of the 49ers with Steve Young as Quarterback

I would have liked to have seen Montana.

Two Texans are sitting in a small town bar, where one bragged to the other: "You know, I had me every woman in this town, except my mother and my sister."

"Well," his buddy replied, "between you and me we got 'em all."

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Ethiopian all sit in the hospital lobby as their wives are giving birth.

After a while the doctor comes out, invites them into the nursery where 3 babies lie in cribs and says: "Congratulation! You all just became fathers! But there is one problem. Due to a nurse's error the babies got mixed up and we don't really know which one who's."

The Englishman suddenly gra...

Where do spiders seek health advice

WebMD

Where does a horse have the most hair?

On the outside.

I asked Arnold Schwarzenegger where the toilet paper was

He said “Aisle B, back.”

Where did the peeping Tom go when he fell out of a tree and broke his foot?

The I.C.U.

(Courtesy my nephew)

I forgot where my boomerang was

Then it hit me.

What do you call a place where brass musicians hang out and drink?

HornPub

Does anyone know where I can get a longer dipstick from?

Mine doesn't reach the oil anymore..

A man dies and is waiting to be transported to heaven

He asks Death about what happens next. Death replies "YOU WERE A GOOD MAN ON EARTH , YOU WILL GO TO HEAVEN , WHERE YOU WILL ENJOY ETERNAL YOUTH , YOU CAN DO BASICALLY ANYTHING YOU WANT , ANYTHING YOUR HEART DESIRES ". The man thinks to himself, "that's wonderful", and settles down for the journey....

Where do pigs surf in Hawaii?

Bay-kona

Where does Kylie Minogue get her Kebabs from?

Jason's Donner van

I have this rare condition where I may get consecutive numbers mixed up, and my friend just got diagnosed recently.

I thought I was the only two.

Wyoming just passed a bill where you can now harvest roadkill.

Now I can finally get my Steak Tire Tire

A Swede, an Irishman, a Scotsman, and their wives went to play golf one day. They were about to tee off on the first hole.

The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.

"Good Grief, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?", Ole demanded.

"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any....

No matter where I go, I like to bring my ukulele, then, whenever someone asks if I play an instrument, I say...

“I play a little guitar!"

When Kermit the Frogs entertainment career came to an end, he enrolled in seminary school where he was ordained

Now he's a Pastor of Muppets

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I heard a girl crying in my driveway, so I went out to ask her “Where are your parents?”

She said Fuck you Dad being adopted isn't funny.

What do you call the situation where you’ve already applied lube, but still can’t put it in?

Lubri-cant

Where boars get their color?

Pigment

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A very attractive girl goes to confession (NSFW)

Girl: "Forgive me Father for I have sinned"

Priest: "What did you do Child?"

Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."

Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"

Girl: "Because he touched my hand."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)

Girl: "Ye...

A software tester walks into a bar

Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 999999999 beers. Orders a bear. Orders -1 beers. Orders hdtseatfibkd.

First real customer walks into a bar and asks where the bathroom is. The bar bursts into flames killing everyone inside.

I saw a girl crying so I asked her “where are your parents?” and she started crying even more

Man, I love working at the orphanage

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar, notices a "free beer for life challenge" on the front door.

A guy walks into a bar, notices a "free beer for life challenge" on the front door.

He goes inside, and asks the bartender what he needs to do to receive free beer for life. The bartender reaches under the bar and pulls out a bottle of vodka, " First, drink this whole bottle in one go, no cry...

Did you see that car crash today where the guy got the entire left side of his body cut off?

He's all right now

Where do stoner pirates eat their cake?

On the high seas!

I'm thinking of starting a podcast where we talk about carpentry and smoking weed

It would be all about joints

Where does a sheep go for a haircut?

The baa-baa shop.

I've got this problem where I can't stop telling airport jokes

My doctor says it's terminal. I really hope this joke takes off and that it doesn't fly over anyone's head. Otherwise, it would be plane awful.

I'm at that age where my mind still thinks I'm 29,

my humor suggests I'm 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I'm sure I'm not dead yet.

One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues,

when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver's side door with him standing right there.

"NOOO!" he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it never would be the same. 

Finally, a cop came by, and the lawye...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a school where every morning...

... when the teachers entered the classrooms, at 8:00 sharp, they would say "Good morning! " and all the kids, in one voice answered "GOOD MORNING!".

Next to the school was a retirement home and the school's morning routine started to annoy the residents. Few old people got together, went to ...

Where do crabs store their money?

In the sand bank.

Where do pigs hear their favorite songs?

On the Ham Radio!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lady finally found her soulmate and calls her dad to tell him about it

(Translated from romanian, hopefully you will get it lol)

The dad is smiling and eager to find out more about this man he asks even more questions about her new lover.

She tells him that he is smart, beautiful, finished his studies at a highly prestigious university and now he is worki...

"Officer, where did the hacker escape?"

"I'm not sure sir, he used the backdoor and ransomware"

Where was the french fry born?

Greece!

Sorry it’s the only joke I know :(

One sunny day in January 2021, an older man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a parch bench

He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with president trump." The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, trump is no longer president and no longer resides here."

The old man said, "Okay", and walked away.

The following day, the same old ...

I had an idea for a movie where a retired CIA agent searches for his daughter in Paris

It turns out that idea was taken

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So my niece ask me where babies come from, I told her that they come from the stork

She then looked at me puzzled and asked, "who fucked the stork."

During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"?

‟Over there by mine”, wasn‘t the answer I was expecting.

There’s a parallel universe where people age non-linearly, and every day you have no idea how old you’ll wake up.

So sometimes you’d have to call into work like, “Sorry, can’t make it in today, I’m 6.”

Where do whales wait?

At the whaleway station.

:)

Where do you not want hide when playing hide and go seek in a hospital?

The I-C-U.

Where do pirates go to play games?

The Arrrrrrr-cade!

My friend asked me if you absolutely had to get stabbed somewhere to save someone's life, where would it be?

I answered, "in the hospital probably"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A good man dies and goes to heaven where God, impressed by the man's life record, grants him one final wish.

"Well, God, I know this seems petty, but I've never won at blackjack."

That's okay, my friend, God says, and He snaps His fingers and He and the man are sitting at a blackjack table in Vegas. The man puts up a $1,000 bet. The dealer's showing a 6 and the man's showing a 17. The man signals th...

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