This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word “definitely.” To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence.

The first student raises his hand and says, “The sky is definitely blue.”

The teacher says, “Well, that isn’t entirely correct, because sometimes it’s gray and cloudy.”

Another student says, “Grass is definitely green.”
The teacher again replies, “If grass doesn’t get enough wate...

if i had a dime for every time i didn't understand what's going on.

I'd be like: "Why y'all keep giving me all these dimes?"

Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did...

Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return.

Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple.

"Who is it?"

"It's Mark."

Jesus opens the door.

"What did you bring Mark?"

"Marijuana from Colombia."

"Very well son, come i...

I don't understand it. My company told all employees to get tested for COVID-19, and to stay home until they get the test results. I got tested and called my boss to tell him I'm coming back to work on Monday. He asked me if I'm sure my test came back negative.

I told him I was positive. He told me to stay home.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The coach grimaced as he watched his young ice hockey team. At one point during the game, he called one of his 7-year-old players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded affirmatively...

"Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?"

The little boy nodded once more.

"So..." the coach continued. "I'm sure you know that when a penalty is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-...

I don't understand why mattresses aren't talked about more

Seems like people are really sleeping on them

Can someone please help I genuinely don’t understand this joke:

“What type of cloud is so lazy that it never gets up?”

“Fog.”

I really don’t get it.

I asked my girlfriend to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect! Then she added that I...

...also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces...

Do you understand this joke

Tom: "John, how is your brother?"

John: "He was injured and lying on the bed."

Tom: "It's terrible, how could this happen?"

John: "We played games to see who can stick his body farther out the window more, and he won."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist told me, “You have an acute phobia of marriage. Do you understand the symptoms?”

I said, “Can’t say that I do.”

My therapist said, “Yes, that’s the main one.”

Warning, English not my first language, so sorry if hard to understand

The creative writing students all shifted a little uneasy as they realized they had clearly picked the wrong professor

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After a horrible accident, I woke up in the hospital with a sexy nurse standing over me. She explained to me sympatheticly, “You may not feel anything from the waist down.” I nodded and groaned, "I understand."

So I felt her breasts…

Having trouble understanding improper fractions?

Our helpline is open 24/7.

My dad always made me feel special because he made up knock knock jokes just for me, but I couldn't always understand them.

Last time I saw him he said:

> Knock knock

Who's there?

> You're a mountain

You're a mountain, who?

> You're a mountain to nothing, son!

“Dad, is the Fibonacci sequence difficult to understand?”

“No. It’s as easy as 1,1,2,3...”

Why are hat jokes the hardest to understand?

Because they always go right over your head

My friend told me that I just don't understand irony.

Which was ironic, because we were stood at a bus stop when he told me.

I dont understand why they say cancer is so hard to beat

I'm already on stage 4

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you understand the essential difference between sex and conversation?

No? Do you want to go upstairs and talk?

A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500

A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500.

So they did. Before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way...

"I order you to stand over the new recruits. Do you understand, Lieutenant?"

"No, I overstand".

I don’t understand how some people eat so many chickpeas.

I’d falafel.

My friend said he doesn't understand cloning

I told him that makes 2 of us

Now I understand the need for USB

The USA is broken, so they needed to make a new one.

I don't understand why people have a problem with corona protest demonstrations.

Shouldn't everyone be pro testing?

I wanted to post a joke about Sodium but I was like Na, people won’t Understand.

Want to hear a joke about Sodium hypobromite?


NaBrO.

I don't understand why everyone is upset about the Russian vaccine nothaving a thirdclinical trial.

I was under the impression that giving it to millions of Russian citizens is the trial.

I really don't understand how Karen’s aren’t in better shape...

They’re always stretching the truth and jumping to conclusions

I don’t understand all this hate towards the police...

...I mean they’re an amazing band.

I've been holding myself back from posting communist jokes, as some people don't understand it.

Communist jokes become funny only when everyone gets it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was an arsenal goalkeeper that was discussing his future contract with the club, however he didn't understand the technical financial words being used.

They had to put Lehmann's terms in Layman's terms

I don’t understand why people don’t seem to get along with vegetarians.

I have never had a beef with one.

No one understands the importance of milliseconds, more than a volunteer firefighter.

It's the amount of time they have between meeting you, and telling you they are a volunteer firefighter.

A German girl married a Spanish man & went to Spain but she didn’t speak spanish. Each time she wanted to buy chicken legs, she would lift her skirt up & show her thighs to allow the seller to understand.This went on for some time.

One day she wanted to buy sausages, so she made her husband go to the store with her. He then asked for sausages as he spoke spanish.

I don't understand lactose intolerance ppl

Why can't they just tolerate it? It's not that hard.

I don't understand why everyone is saying that Americans are refusing to social distance...

...six feet is six feet, even if it's six feet under.

I didn’t really understand baseball in the past

Just didn’t catch it back then

An Understanding boss

— “Boss, can I leave work two hours early today? My wife wants me to go shopping with her.”

— “That’s out of the question.”

— “Thanks, boss! I knew you wouldn’t let me down.

My friend says I don't understand the meaning of "irony"

Despite the fact I keep telling him it's "metallic"

What's the opposite of understanding?

Oversitting

I don't understand how Dr. Doofenshmirtz still hasn't killed anyone yet.

I mean, he uses the term inator a lot.

| don't understand why some people use fractions instead of decimals.

It's pointless.



But, anyway. You gotta draw the line somewhere, or
else people will think you're being irrational. But
that is beside the point.

A US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies...

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. “What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend et...

I couldn’t understand why so many people liked Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure part 5. Most of the lines aren’t even delivered that well. But then it hit me...

It’s not delivery, it’s Giorno.

I didn't understand what my wife meant when she told me I was holding the bag of pasta upside down...

Then the Penne dropped

I don't understand Fly fishing

Why are you fishing for flies? What do you even bait them with? A starving Ethiopian?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just don't understand why black people don't like the police

They have tons of great songs and Sting is a great singer

I don't understand why christian people hate people with piercings.

Jesus had 4 of them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don’t understand why people keep tearing down Confederate statues?

Shouldn’t the losers get to keep their participation trophies?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

“I don’t understand you,” cried my girlfriend. “One minute you’re really offensive to me and the next you’re really polite.”

“Bitch, please,” I said.

You do the Math

A lawyer writes a letter to his wife Janie...

My Dear Janie,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 57 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not...

I totally understand batteries

I'm not included with anything either

I can't understand people who don't like dogs

I've tried them in China and they're pretty tasty.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A product manager was asked by his son about his work. The father says, "My job is all about the difference between theory and practice." The child didn't understand, so the father said, "Let me give you an example:"

"Go ask your sister if she'd sleep with the neighbor for £1M". Kid goes, returns & says "she's not too happy to but she will for times are tough."

Then the father said: "Now go ask your mom that question" so the child goes, returns and says: "Mom's is not too happy to sleep with the neigh...

A bumblebee suddenly wakes up in a cold sweat, realizing he has overslept and is about to miss his connecting flight home after a successful overseas business trip.

He makes a mad rush to the airport, suitcase in one hand, passport and airline ticket in the other. His tie flaps loose in the breeze, his shirt wrinkled and untucked, with his face covered in bushy bumblebee beard stubble.

He recklessly flies into the main entrance, nearly knocking over a fa...

Did you know turtles have the ability to understand puns?

I wish they would have tortoise that in school.

I don't understand why women want to be equal when they could be better.

That shows a lack of ambition to me.

Which is why men are better.

A father and a son were talking about the possibility of cloning each other. The son says, “Umm, I don’t know about that. I don’t really fully understand what it does.” The father looks at him and says..

“Well son, that makes two of us.”

If you walk into the forest and chop down a tree, but the tree doesn't understand why you chopped it down,

Do you think it's stumped?

I didn’t understand this COVID joke

Eventually, I got it

Teacher: do u understand the importance of a period?

8yo: yes, once my sister missed her & my mom started crying, my dad fainted & my elder brother ran away from home.

I just don't understand it when people create puns about Covid 19

Is there some sick joke that I'm not getting here?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I understand that the doctor needs to feel my wife's boobs

But at the dinner table, it's just rude

I don't understand how men are so transphobic...

Every single one of them was trapped in a women's body for almost a year.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This joke got me fired when I worked as a cook. Credit goes to Jackie “The Joke Man” Martling

A husband goes to his wife and says “You’re either going hunting with me, sucking my cock or I’m fucking you in the ass. I’m gonna go get the dogs ready and I’ll be back for your answer.”

After a bit of time, he returns to his wife who defiantly says to him “I’m not going hunting and there’s...

I don't understand why people are so concerned about spelling errors.

It's just a normal word, isn't it?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've been trying to understand all the toilet paper panic buying.

I think I got it.
One guy coughs and a 100 people lose their shit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I finally understand how people could compare Bernie Sanders to Hitler

Seeing how neither of them could finish a race.

I don't understand why a sandwich is more expensive the more ingredients there are.

Shouldn't pure bread be more expensive?

I don't understand time zones!

How is it possible that in Europe it is today.
In Australia it is tomorrow.
And in Alabama it is 1890?

Two men are walking their dogs (a doberman and a chihuahua) when they see a restaurant.

They're pretty hungry, do they decide to head in for a bite to eat. Unfortunately, they see a sign out front that says "NO DOGS ALLOWED".

The man with the doberman says "I know what to do, just follow my lead." He throws on a pair of sunglasses and walks in.

The waiter tells him "I'm s...

A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, “Please, may I hide under your skirt. I’ll explain later.”

The nun agreed…

A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, “Sister, have you seen a soldier?”

The nun replied, “He went that way.”

After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, “I can’t thank you enough, sister. You see, I don’t want ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Don't criticise what you can't understand." - Bob Dylan

I fucking hate that quote. What does it even mean?!

After 6 months (or so) of listening to people talk with masks on

I finally understand what Charlie Browns teacher was saying

Why is it so hard to understand humor when you're in quarantine?

Because everything's an inside joke.

I just don't understand how conspiracy theorists make outrageous claims

5G must have really fried their brains.

What do you call a Chinese parent you understand?

Apparently.

I don't understand all these jokes about mothers-in-law.

Mine is sweet, supportive, and a great influence on me and my wife. I can't say anything bad about her.

JUDGE: I order you to pay $10,000 - do you understand?

MARIO:

JUDGE: It’s a fine.

MARIO [sadly]: No, itsa not.

I don't understand why my girlfriend complains about how long I last in bed.

Twenty seconds of washing my hands felt like an eternity.

I don't understand why people are so upset about President Trump playing Golf.

The More time he is away from the office the better.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Boris Johnson dies...

His soul arrives in heaven and he is met by St.Peter at the Pearly Gates. Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there's a problem: We seldom see a Conservative here and we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in; I'm a believer," says Johnso...

I don't understand why people say giving cats baths is hard.

I was really enjoying it.

He was too.

Worst part was the fur in my mouth.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't understand the opposition to same sex marriage.

Isn't the whole point of marriage to have the same sex for the rest of your life?

Everyone’s complaining about the draft, and I don’t understand.

Just close the window.

A pimp is driving around, checking up on his girls on the street...

... when he sees a man dropping one of his girls off on a corner.
This isn't out of the ordinary, and he doesn't think too much of it, but the next day he sees the same man driving the same car dropping off two girls at once.
Again, not too strange, but he takes notice.


The next nig...

If you want to understand paranoid people better....

Try following them around.

Ladies, if there’s a man who remembers your birthday, knows what you enjoy and understands your friends and family...

.. it’s Mark Zuckerberg.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A punjabi joke (NSFW) Long

An punjabi paratrooper’s mum has a dream that his son’s parachute doesn’t open and he falls to his death. She pleads with him to not go to work today. He says “Mum ! I can’t just not turn up, it’s army after all . I will however request my sergeant to spare me the jump today”

As planned he a...

Candles

"So, what's special about this candle?"

"Sir, this candle is made of a very enriched burning material, it will therefore, once lit, last several days before it is burned out. Do you understand?"

"Yeah, makes sense. And what about this one?"

"This candle is special because there ...

I don't understand school shooter jokes.

Maybe they're aimed at a younger audience.

I don't understand why some people use fractions instead of decimals

It's pointless.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."

A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!" The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer." The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!" The judge stops and says to the guy in the back of the courtroom, "Sir, I ca...

A lady gets pulled over by an Officer for speeding

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding. Can I see your license, please?

Lady: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: You don't have one?

Lady: I lost it 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see, can I have your vehicle registration papers, please?

Lady: ...

My dad told me this joke in Serbian years ago. Hope it translates well.

A man is terminally ill and has 3 months left to live. Seeing as he was a holy man for all his life, God gave him a visit and granted him 3 wishes. The man ponders for a few minutes then asks for his first wish.

“God, I’d love to have a nice steak dinner and some brandy to wash it down with.”...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I honestly don’t understand why the church is so against Harry Potter

Nothing guarantees you pre martial virginity more than talking about what animal you patronus would be and what your wand would be made of.

Tony is at court trying to understand why he has $3,000 in parking tickets

Judge: It's a fine.

Tony: Itsa NOT fine!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On the first night of their honeymoon, the new bride tells her husband, "I have a confession to make. I'm not a virgin. I've been with one other guy." "Oh yeah? Who was the guy?" "Tiger Woods, the golfer." "Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can understand that."

The couple then makes passionate love.

When they finish, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the wife.

"I'm hungry. I'm calling room service."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to...

A good joke is easy to understand

So I keep my life simple.

I don't understand why people spoil movies...

What's their endgame?

[Long] A man goes into a hotel with a built-in restaurant

He checks in, goes to his room to read, then he goes to the restaurant and sits on one of the central tables.

He then orders the meal and waits for it, but he also notices that the waiter seems to always serve guests who are sitting near the room's walls.

The man gets a bit irritated...

I don't understand how one can come in second place in biathlon...

...when you got a rifle with you.

My son is beginning to truly understand the concept of love.

He recently asked me, "Papa, do you love me"? I answered back with, "Do you want the short answer or the long answer, because the short answer is yes". My son then asked, "Well what's the long answer"? To which I replied, "Indubitably".

Stacy: You know Tracy, sometimes I dont understand life.

Tracy: What do you mean?

Stacy: When we were a younger, we learnt to talk and to walk. At school, we always have to sit down and shut up...

This farmer has about 500 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster that he would sell.

The other farmer says, "Yep, I've got this great rooster, named Kenny. He'll service every chicken you got, no problem." Well, Kenny the rooster costs $3,000, a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Kenny.

The farmer takes Kenny home and sets him down in the barny...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.