My wife complained about the fireworks that went on until midnight on the 3rd, I told her it was just a little fourth-play.
This just happened and she looked over and told me it was the first actually funny thing I had said in a couple of years so I thought I would post it. I'm sure someone somewhere has said this before but damnit let me relish in this moment.
Bonus, before that the last funny thing I said w...
A young man is uncomfortable with his body weight and therefore goes to the gym.
In front of it the man sees two queues. One of them seems to be a few people shorter so naturally he lines up there. As he reaches the end of the queue, a muscular MMA fighter rushes out of the building and hits the young man right where it hurts.
The young man gasps and crashes to the ground...
Ants can carry twenty times their own body weight, which is a very useful information..
If you’re moving and you need help carrying a potato chip across town.
funniest joke you'll hear today about congestive heart failure
Assuming you are healthy, your heart when working normally, acts, sort of like a pump, or rather, two pumps. You see, your right heart expands to draw deoxygenated blood in from the body, and contracts to pump it out to the lungs to become oxygenated. And at the same time, your left heart draws in o...
I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before he kicked the bucket. He said: "Hey, I wonder how far I can kick this bucket."
Yep, he really put his whole body weight into that kick. So when I moved the bucket last second he fell and broke his neck.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
What kind of Bees produce milk?
There is no creature for which this is more true than the honey bee. Amazingly, queen bees are genetically exactly identical to worker bees. But they’re fed a different diet from worker bees their whole lives, from the time they are tiny larvae, until the day they die. This different meal plan cause...
Three men were standing in line...
... to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Saint Peter had been forced to pick who would be allowed in. "Guys listen, heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had *particularly* horrible deaths. When you’...
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