When a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she's either really interested or you're level 99 friend-zoned

Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet

Depression levels

Therapist: on a scale of 1 to 10 rate your depression.



Me:. π


Therapist: what


Me: low level and never ending.

Why doesn't the Weather Man ever carry valuables on them once the humidity level gets above 70%?

It gets a bit muggy

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Studies show that prostitutes have higher levels of oxytocin than the average person.

Oxytocin is known to increase erotic vocalizations during sex. Scientists believe that this may be an adaptation to help with pleasing their clients.

It's a very powerful whore-moan.

A Level Physics lmao

Why was the physicist studying gravitational fields so much more handsome than the one studying electrical fields?




Electrical Fields are repulsive sometimes, but Gravitational Fields are always attractive.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There have been troubling developments with Europe’s terror threat levels, recently:

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1...

Who’s your favourite Canadian music icon that also practices advanced culinary technique which enhances the flavour of poultry at the atomic level?

Brine Atoms

I took NNN to the next level

I haven’t nutted all year!

What Makes A Man Attractive On A Scientific Level?

It's in his jeans.

Me and my friends have achieved the level of Led Zeppelin's members in musicianship.

The drummer plays the drums like Jimmy Page, the guitarist plays the guitar like John Bonham, the bassist plays the bass like Robert Plant and I sing like John Paul Jones.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Warning - Sexist joke: Women like strong muscular men because on a primal level those men make them feel protected.......

From having to pay for anything on their own.

Holmes and Watson are out hunting one day. John spies something moving in the bushes, and with practiced aim, levels his rifle and fires. They pull aside the brush to reveal a severed leg, with a clean bullet wound just below the ankle.

“Watson!” Holmes cries out. “The game’s afoot!”

I asked the librarian for level 5 programming books.

Instead he gave me some programming 101 book. I don't why.

What's the most popular top-level domain in Mordor?

.orc

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A deep-sea diver is twenty feet below sea level..

A deep-sea diver is twenty feet below sea level when he sees another guy with no scuba gear. He goes down another thirty feet, and the guy with no equipment stays with him. He takes out a waterproof chalkboard and writes, "How the hell can you stay down this deep without equipment?" The guy takes th...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If a girl is uncomfortable watching you masturbate, do you think:

A. She is a prude and you have no future together.

B. You two should spend more time together so she can get used to that level of openness.

C. She should have sat somewhere else on the train?

Teacher: "How would you describe your level of programming?"

Students: "Low"

Teacher: "Ok, fine, you can write programs in assembler then"

My friend has such a knack for staying level-headed when de-escalating situations with angry people.

He is a calm de-meaner.

The Ocean' Sea Level should actually be a lot higher.

Thank God for them sponges.

Entry level job ad

Minimum 8 years of experience

When people around me complain about my flatulence I explain to them that it puts me on the same level as the great Pharaohs of old....

Because we have a Tutanhkhamun.

A marsupial fixed me an aromatic beverage, by pouring hot water over cured leaves and it was absolutely delightful! I asked how it was possible to make something so awesome at this level and he responded...

"It’s koala tea."

Dad joke level grandpa: Why are the first 25 letters of the alphabet fascist?

Because they're not-z's.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's the difference between a gardener of one level and a woman who likes anal?

...One rakes it in the tier the other takes it in the rear

Why are fish poorly educated?

All the schools are below C level.

Multi-level Meta Joke

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a free drink. The bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a multi-level meta joke." So the guy says "A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a free drink. The bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell ...

What is the highest level of trust?

Two cannibals blowing each other.

Why are sea levels getting higher?

Cause of the sea weed.

Let me tell you a joke

Entry level positions asking for 3 years experience

Why couldn't the A level student date the IB student?

Because a + ib is complex.

(It's a math joke.)

People say the mean sea level is going down.

I agree, the sea is much calmer these days.

Did you know Nebraska has the highest level of depression and extra-marital activity?

It's a sad state of affairs.

Credit: Paul Savage

Entry level position available!

3 years forklift experience required

5 years general labour required

Class 5 drivers license required

2 years kitchen experience required

4 years retail services required

2 years hospitality services required

4 years janitorial services required

3 yea...

My dad went for a blood glucose level test, this was way back in the 90's. After the test procedure was done, the nurse said, " your blood glucose levels are very high." To which my dad said, " Oh sweet!"

God bless his soul

My 8 year old sister's joke: There were 12 fish in a pond. One of the dies. Why did the water level in the pond rise?

-Because the other fish were crying.

How does one become a level 99 stripper?

A lot of grinding.

T.J. Miller has brought his comedy to a whole new level

At least when it comes to bombing

I know a guy who takes denial to the next level.

He doesn't believe in stairs.

If all diplomatic issues could be solved with a board game like monopoly, we wouldn't see the current levels violence in the world.

No, they'd be *way* higher.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[NSFW] So our friend said her dance instructor warned the girls about a level 2 sex offender across the street from the studio

So I looked at her and asked what kind of loot he drops, and how much gold and XP he gives when killed.

Three men are looking for somewhere to have a drink.

There are three beverage stands. The lemonade stand, the iced tea stand, and the fruit punch stand. As it’s a hot summer day, the men agree to quench their thirst and decide which stand to go to.

The first man says to the other two, “Because I’m thirsty and behind on my citrus intake, I’ll be...

I saw Al Gore talking about rising sea levels the other day...

He really needs to come to terms with losing Florida.

What do you call an Hispanic that's reached their level cap?

A Maxican.

Scientists have announced that dolphins are second to man in intelligence levels.

So that pushes women down to third place.

Jesus went into the mountains with his disciples; and he began to teach them, saying:

Blessed are the meek.

Blessed are the poor in spirit.

Blessed are those who mourn.

Blessed are the peacemakers.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness.

And Peter said: Will this be in the test?

And Philip said: Were we supposed...

How can you tell if a stage is level?

The drummer drools out of both sides of his mouth

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three guys compare their levels of intoxication from a party the previous night.

The first guy says, "Man, I was so drunk last night, I went home and blew chunks."

The second guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I woke up this morning on my front porch."

The third guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I took a prostitute home to my wife."

The first guy excl...

Me and My friend Bet 500 dollars on who could throw a slap of beef to the greatest altitude above sea level...

The steaks have never been higher

Highest level of confidence: walking around naked alone in my apartment.

Lowest level of confidence: being caught walking around naked in my apartment.

A very religious man's child was caught with measles....

The man put the child in his bed and trusted God to rescue him. A neighbor came by and said, “His temperature will soon be too high and will cause irreparable health problems, let me give him some medicine.”


“No thanks” replied the religious man. “I’ve prayed to God and I’m sure he will ...

I once farted in an elevator...

It was wrong on so many levels.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

During his physical, the doctor asked the patient about his daily activity level.

He described a typical day this way:

“Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake, marched up and down several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of ...

I was watching a video of some entry level iron workers.

It's riveting.

Bad tooth NSFW

[Warning: NSFW content, long story]

A man walks into a new bar his friends told him about and they decided to check out together. He goes up to the bartender to give a description of his friends and ask him if he's seen them, but before he gets the question off he sees his friends on the far ...

Checking your levels

A woman observes her husband as he enters the kitchen, opens the sugar box, looks inside and closes it. He does it again and again. So she asks him why?

He answers: "Because the doctor told me to check my sugar levels regularly."

A guy goes to an interview for an entry level position..

HR Manager: "We've done a small background check on you. Your current boss tells us that you have no technical or business skills. You report late to office every day, spend 3 hrs on lunch/breaks, 2 hrs on checking mails and remaining time on useless meetings. Your colleagues also describe you as a ...

Political correctness has reached the level of absurdity

For example, we can't say brown paint. Instead we should say "please paint that wall, Jose"

A gamer dies and goes to hell...

After one week, the devil goes to God:

\- God?! What crazy person have you send me here? He destroyed all the cauldrons, killed all demons, running like crazy everywhere and yelling: "Where is the exit to LEVEL 2!!!"

Take her down to 3000 feet below sea level...

...oops, wrong sub.

It's a real-shame I failed my entry-level idiom class

I came close, but no sugar.

A group of adventurers embarks on a quest

"DragonFlameKing", who is the highest level in the party, gathers the others before they begin the quest to discuss strategies and check their supplies.

-Alright, gear and equipments look fine so hear me out for a little bit. This quest is not too demanding but it's still hard. I am a Juggern...

What was the ancient punishment for smoking fatal levels of weed?

You would be stoned to death.

Noah's Ark

God: Noah, it's time to build another boat.

Noah: Oh, OK, you’re the boss. Do you want the same again, animals, two by two?

God: Actually no. We forgot the fish last time so this time this will be just for the fish. Also, build it with more than one deck.

Noah: Big boat, only fi...

Why can't Trump supporters ever get into higher levels of mathematics?

Cause they can't grasp the concept of integration.

(all credits to my friend if he reads it here but didn't post it himself!)

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Five friends were sitting around, debating which Pixar movie is the greatest

After a few hours of debate, no one was willing to concede, and it was decided that a vote must be held. Unfortunately, with so few friends present, it was clear that they would need to bring the vote to the greater public. The group decided that each friend would make a plea to the subreddit of the...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

lucky mailman

after 20 years on the job the local postman is about to retire and on this last scheduled delivery run he finds himself beset with thankful friends and neighbours, all of whom show their appreciation of his years of service. loaded down with gift baskets, wine, flowers and thank you cards he reaches...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

At the height of WWII on the Eastern front...

At the height of WWII on the Eastern front, a high-level meeting takes place in the Kremlin between Stalin and the marshals on the situation on their respective fronts. When the meeting ends, Marshal Georgy Zhukov is the first one to step out. As he does so, he mutters under his breath "Fucking assh...

The FBI are doing an experiment to test the level of people's patriotism ...

They get three married couples and separate them, placing the men in one room and the women in another. They ask the men if they would shoot their wives for their country and all agree they would. They hand the first guy a gun and tell him to go and shoot his wife. Guy walks in the room with his wif...

My friends found a cool racing game.

Recently my friends and I found an interesting new game, it’s sort of like a mix of an MMORPG and a racing game. You play as a car and you level up and get cool new gear and it makes you better and also looks cooler.

Anyway, we played this game for quite a while, slowly improving and getting ...