With all my high level degrees and PHD's, I stumbled upon these questions.........

1. If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?

2. Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?

3. Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?

4. Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?...

What do you call a journal, found in a shipwreck, detailing the hydration levels of lumbejacks?

A waterlogged logging water log.

Multi-level Meta Joke

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a free drink. The bartender says ‟I will give you a free drink if you cn tell me a multi-level meta joke.” So the guy says ‟A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a free drink. The bartender says ”I will give you a free drink if you can te...

My girlfriend’s dad loves to challenge me to games, but he likes to feel out my skill level first. This week, he asked, “so how are you at Battleship?”

“Hit or miss.”

Despite getting A-level results of A, B, B, A

it seems that no employer will take a chance on me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke on many levels

What's gripping from start to finish?

"The Rock Climber's Guide to Masturbation on the climb"

Why don’t Geordie tradesmen use spirit levels?

Because they prefer level things by eye man

So a politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

‟So, you’re a politician...”
‟Well, yes, is that a problem?”
‟Oh no, no problem. But we have recently adopted a new system for people in your line of wo...

So i got 2 ‘O’ levels in Biology and metalwork...

So if your Dog needs welding I’m your man...

Mike Tyson just received a graduate level certification in advanced calculus.

He calls it his Mathsters Degree.

My friend, Pandora, wants to "take our friendship to the next level"

I said I'm not really ready to open that box.

My wife said she was feeling light-headed from a low iron level.

To help her, I raised the ironing board to a more suitable height.

Difficulty Levels

Dyslexic vegans must be having the worst 2020 because of carnivorous.

A C-Level, a middle manager and a worker talk at the Christmas party of their company.

They discuss what to do with the Christmas bonus.

"Well", said the C-Level, "I'm probably gonna do a trip around the world, expand my villa in Malibu and with the rest, well, maybe a new Ferrari"

Said the middle manager "Well, I'm gonna make a vacation in Malibu and get a pool for my h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were in a hotel for a convention.

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were in a hotel for a convention. Then, in the middle of the night for no apparent reason, a fire breaks out in the engineer's wastebasket. The engineer rushes over to the bathroom, empties out the ice bucket, fills it with water and pours it into the ...

When a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she's either really interested or you're level 99 friend-zoned

Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet

they have a Roomba now that can clean stairs

which sucks on so many levels

How do you know a drummer is on the level?

Drool comes out of both sides of their mouth.

Jabba the Hutt hosts a piano playing competition.

So, several hundred musicians from across many galaxies gather in order to compete. Jabba is also competing, of course, and the song he picks to play is the Faerie's Aire. Now, he gets cybernetic implants just so he can play a complicated piece, but he believes that his piece alone played at a fairl...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

Joe Biden:...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Someone in my apartment rearranged all of the buttons on the elevator

That was wrong on so many levels

blondes vs brunette

Two bowling teams, one all blondes, one all bruneettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City.

The brunette team rides on the bottom level of the bus, the blonde team rides on the top level.

The brunette team, down below, is whooping it up and ha...

An exercise for people who are not in good shape.

Begin with a five-pound potato bag in each hand. Extend your arms straight out from your sides, hold them there for a full minute and then relax. After a few weeks, move up to 10-pound potato bags. Then try 50-pound potato bags, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-pound potato bag ...

The Gynecologist had become

fed up with his job and decided to change professions. One day after seeing an advertisment for an auto mechanic school on TV, he decided to sign up. The Dr studied very hard and gave it the same level of excelence as he did when practicing medicine.

The day of the final exam came. The Dr had...

During this lockdown, please think of the confidence level and mental health of your companies IT person.

They have gone more then three months without being able to look you in the eye without smirking, while first turning your computer off and then on again, before accessing the admin profile to delete then add the wireless printer again so you can print your emails.

I once thought it was funny to take a math test in an elevator

I was wrong on so many levels

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats

and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today my classmate told me: "I have a problem with degenerate homos". I was outraged by his bigoted words..

..until I realised he was talking about our physics homework!

(Glossary: Degenerate - Having the same energy level. HOMO - Highest Occupied Molecular Orbital)

What’s the Highest Level of Competition That a Semi Professional Sauerkraut Pickler Aspires To?

The Briner Leagues

IRL Accidental joke story

IDK where to post this but I figured I'd make some people chuckle before it gets taken down. But if someone in comments could point out a subreddit for funny stories, thanks that'd be awesome.

Was working on a neighbors overhang/pergola and roof (damages, old house). His 4 year old kid was as...

Outnumbered 6 to 5, John brought grenades to a water balloon fight.

Isn't that a little... excessive?"

"No, I'm just trying to level the playing field.

I finally leveled up my coffee game.

All that grinding was worth it.

Girlfriend: At least with the quarantine, the air pollution levels are down

Me: Well I kinda like the air pollution, it adds to the atmosphere.

GenIus math level

I have an imaginary girlfriend. Does that mean I’m in a complex relationship.

Say what you will about Darth Vader

But his sister Ella really takes things to another level.

Which region of New York has the lowest cholesterol levels?

Statin island

Don and his friend Eva we’re exploring caves in the town of Level for our palindrome school project

Eva said there were many things they could not do in caves. Don asked her a question using his knowledge from palindrome school. Don said, “Eva can I stab bats in a cave”. She said “no don”. Don then said, “Eva can I pose as aesop in a cave”. She again said, “no don”.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You are driving in a car at a constant speed

On your left side is a 'drop off', (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on)on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse, which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a galloping z...

Pollution levels have come down so drastically

That my wife is now seeing things from my point of view!

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement:

Whereas the party of the first part, also known as “Lawyer,” and the party of the second part, also known as “Light Bulb,” do hereby and forthwith agree t...

Two Math Professors in a Bar

Two professors, American and Soviet, are sitting in a bar in the middle of Moscow. They begin to have a heating conversation about levels of education in general population of their countries.

Soviet professor takes a break to go to the bathroom, and on the way there he stops their waitress a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ryebread

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.

The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.

The 80-year-old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him 'how do you have so much energy?'

The 87-year-...

Fergus goes to the dentist and asks about the cost of a tooth extraction.

$85 for an extraction sir," was the dentists reply.

"Och huv ye nay got unythin cheaper," replies the Scotsman getting agitated.

"But that's the normal charge for an extraction sir," replied the dentist.

"What aboot if ye didnae use uny anaesthetic?" asked Fergus hopefully. <...

My dad was teaching me to put up a shelf...

So I turned 16, and my dad said “son, you need to know how to put up a shelf if you’re going to be a man.”

I couldn’t be bothered, but reluctantly agreed.

I put the bracket in the wall fine, but each time I put the shelf on, it slid off one end.

My dad kept trying to encourage ...

I asked my friend about His new digging job

He said is boring on many different levels.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nine medical tests you can do yourself

Wander into the back garden and piss on your neighbour’s fence (again).

If it dries quickly, you have high sodium (salt) levels and pending heart problems.

If it attracts ants your sugar level is too high and you might be diabetic.

If your piss is dark and of limited quantity, ...

(long) A man was standing before the judge, being questioned over how did he managed

to run over 10 people while driving his truck, so the man answered:

I was driving my truck, hauling a heavy load of rocks, going down this steep street, on one level i came to realize that my brakes have overheated, and unresponsive, down in my way there was 2 groups of pedestrian, on the rig...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

During his physical examination, a doctor asked a man about his physical activity level.

He described a typical day this way:


"Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk about 7 miles through some pretty rough terrain.
I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles.
I got sand in my shoes and my eyes.
I avoided standing on a snake....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My butt crack is like an iceberg...

90% of it is below see-level.

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him:

“Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 m...

I'm a bipolar Star Trek fan.

I just went to the hospital to have my dilithium level checked.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three guys compare their levels of intoxication

from a party the previous night.

The first guy says, "Man, I was so drunk last night, I went home and blew chunks."

The second guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I woke up this morning on my front porch."

The third guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I took a prostitute ...

Rude on many levels

I was a receptionist at a hotel, and the phone started ringing. I could see by the screen that it was the extension for the elevator's phone. I picked it up, and a voice I recognize as a particularly rude and troublesome guest, immediately starts yelling: "What the (beep) do I press to get out of th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Bricklayer's Accident Report

This is a bricklayer's accident report that was printed in the newsletter of the English equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board.
Dear Sir:


I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put "Poor Planning" as...

My friend just told me that he "took that s**t to the next level"

he s>!ha!<t himself in an elevator

There's usually workers at supermarkets who temperature probe incoming deliveries

It's to make sure the temperature is below the required level and the produce hasn't spoiled.

They don't get paid for doing this, they just do it probe ono

Some Cadillac dealerships have two levels. How do they get from one level to the other?

They take the Escalader

Just found out my friend failed her oceanography course

Apparently her grades were below C-level.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A class of high school art students are broken into groups...

...and tasked with making silly and creative paintings combining culture with food.

One group decides to paint an Indy race car made out of roti. Another group decides to paint a business suit necktie being grated into cheese. Another group paints Donkey Kong serving up a creepy bowl of banan...

Why are ocean levels so high?

sea weed.

Why are DJs considered entry-level musicians?

They start from scratch

3 Kids are arguing about who's dad is the fastest...

At lunch, the first boy says his dad is the faster because he is a brick layer & when he drops a brick from the 5th floor he can run to the ground level & be there before the brick hits...


Not bad says the 2nd boy, but my dad is faster.


He is a professional archer. ...

Heard this one from Neil Peart - How can you tell that the stage is level?

The drool runs out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I spotted my ex in a hotel I was staying in. We ended up fucking in the elevator.

It was wrong on so many levels.

What is the similarity between COVID-19 and corruption?

Both are spreading through the highest levels of the US government.

A beautiful woman is sunbathing on the balcony of her apartment, completely naked

At some point, she sees a piece of paper tied to a string being lowered at her level from one of the other apartments upstairs.

She stands up, and grabs it. there are some words written on it.

"I'm the guy who lives at 32B. You are incredibly beautiful. I'm so excited right now. I want...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For sale: Beginner's level sketchbook of male nudes

**May contain traces of nuts*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My gf complained that I’m always taking shit to the next level

So I promised to stop pooping in elevators

1. What do you call a fight between celebrity actors? ( more)

1. **What do you call a fight between celebrity actors?**

**Star Wars!**



**2. What do you call a man with two pieces of wood on his head?**

**Edward Woodwood!**



3. **What do you call a pig that knows karate?**
**Pork chop!**


4....

A group of high level executives at a company decides to start a rowing team?

No matter how hard they try, though, they always end up losing against their rival firm. After months of humiliating defeats, they send one of their guys to spy on another team's practice session, hoping to discover their secret.

After returning, the spy reveals: "I found out how they keep on...

What do you call the first level of a coffee factory?

The ground floor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Levels of Death

A man dies and arrives in Hell. He looks around. The sky is gloomy and rainy. He’s approached by an old man. The old man says, “Hello. Welcome to Hell. Let me show you around.” So the old man starts to show him around. He shows the man to a rundown shack and says, “This is where you’ll sleep.” He th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After a two year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on America's ball-related recreational preferences:

1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is basketball.

2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling.

3. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is football.

4. The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball.

5. Th...

Woman calls the cops to complain about a neighbour harassing her

The cop arrives at her apartment with a notebook in hand to take notes.
Cop: Yes Mam, tell me who’s this person and what are they doing ?

Woman: he lives in the flat one floor above and is constantly looking at me, when I’m in my bathroom. Such a creep.

Cop: ( a bit confused) can...

My friend always broke jokes down to the most basic level possible

01010100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101010 01101111 01101011 01100101 01110011 00100000 01101110 01100101 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01110011 01100011 01101111 01110010 01100101 01100100 00100000 01101000 01101001 01100111 01101000 01100101 01110010 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100001 011...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old witch: “You won’t take the entry-level wizarding jobs that are available, you spend all your money on eye of newt and you think every little spell you cast deserves some kind of participation goblet.”

Ok Broomer.

A good "yo momma" joke works on multiple levels.

Just like yo momma does in bed.

Karma works in strange ways.........

My friend invited me on the opening of a charitable organisation for cancer. I sat in the front row and listened to the impressive speeches and had Good Buffet meal at the break. When the rest of the program finished and the Donation Box was being passed around, I sheepishly pulled out an old worn o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We were finally able to go back to the office this week. But when we got there, we found that someone had switched around the elevator buttons!

It was wrong on so many levels.

It was closing time at the bar

It was closing time at the bar and across the street sat a police officer in his cruiser hoping to pick up someone for a DUI. As people were starting to leave the officer saw one man absolutely hammered with his car keys in hand stumbling towards his vehicle, as everyone got in their cars and were l...

I went to my doctor for chest pains and he told me I have low potassium levels..

I said “K, your diagnosis is bananas”

"The Russians wouldn't lie about radiation levels, would they?"

"Sure, no bull."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just threw an Asian man down a flight of stairs

It was wong on so many levels

My friend was telling me about his plans to build a second level on his home

It sounded like a tall story

The level of humor when telling dark jokes is like a boat full of refugees on it's way to Italy

It sinks.

Little Johnny gets caught playing doctor with the neighbour girl.

Dad doesn’t approve thinking Johnny is on track to knock up a young teen in a few years.
“Johnny, you know that girls have teeth down there?
“What, are you lying?”
“Nope, you need to keep clear of that business son”

Years later in high school Johnny starts dating a girl but after s...

Dad joke level grandpa: Why are the first 25 letters of the alphabet fascist?

Because they're not-z's.

One of my friends who plays soccer almost had to play on some ground with mounds of dirt.

They had to level the playing field.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At the height of WWII on the Eastern front, a high-level meeting takes place in the Kremlin between Stalin and the marshals on the situation on their respective fronts.

When the meeting ends, Marshal Georgy Zhukov is the first one to step out. As he does so, he mutters under his breath "Fucking asshole with a mustache!" It just so happens that Stalin's secretary, Alexander Poskrebyshev hears this. So being a loyal servant to the cause, he reports it to his boss. St...

3 men are bragging about their countries

The American speaks first.

"Our missiles are so advanced that they cannot be detected by radar!"

"Ha," said the Russian. "Our missiles are so powerful that they can level Washington in 1 hit!"

"That's nothing," said the German. "Our missiles can hit Paris before France surrender...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a youth who lived in Russia.

He was orphaned at the young age of 5. He only had one mother, Mother Russia. With no one to take care of him, he was left to fend for himself. He was poor and worked in the coal mines, to earn a mediocre salary to last him a day or two.

One day after a hard day at work, he walked down a si...

I'll tell you a joke!

There's a man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face. "Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside. He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud. "Screw it," he thought. "I'll just craw...

Why are guitar shops always on one level?

Because No Stairway.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was an earthquake at the Christian Brothers' monastery and it was leveled.

All fifty brothers were transported to heaven at the one time.

At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter said, "Let's go through the entry test as a group. Now, first question. How many of you have played around with little boys?"

Forty-nine hands went up.

"Right!" said St. Peter. "You for...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The tale of how I was Knighted by the Queen

For as long as I can remember, I have had the ability to do these mind-blowing poses as I ejaculate. I became so famous for this ability, that I was asked to perform for the Queen. Needless to say, I was incredibly honoured and excited! And a bit nervous. So they flew me out to England and I was pra...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A large procession of cruise ships heads out to sea.

A massive storm suddenly appeared soon after the boats departed. A ship's hull began to display large cracks, and water flooded the interior. Most of the passengers made it to the deck in time, and climbed frantically aboard the lifeboats as another cruise ship started to capsize, its panicked passe...

My grades in school were underwater...

Below C level.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.