Could you image if America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight?

There would be mass confusion!

What do you call a kilogram of donuts .

Property of obesity

"Commissioner, we've found 20 kilograms of cocaine."

"10 kilograms you say?"

"Yeah, 5 kilograms"

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A Russian Jew had been allowed to emigrate to Israel.

A Russian Jew had been allowed to emigrate to Israel.

At Moscow airport, customs found a Lenin statue in his baggage and asked him, "What is this?"

The man replied, "What is this? Wrong question comrade. You should have asked : Who is he? This is Comrade Lenin. He laid the foundations...

What’s the difference between a gram and a kilogram?

About 5-10 years.

A guy goes into a grocery store.

He sees a pile of potatoes, and asks the store keeper:


"What are those?"


"Those are potatoes"


"Can I have a kilo of potatoes individually wrapped?"


The store keeper shakes his head and start wrapping potatoes.


"What are those?"


"Tho...

An American is exercising in a gym

"This workout is intense," he huffs. "My heart is pounding."

"Eh?" says a fellow next to him.

"Oh sorry, I forget that you're European. My heart is 'kilogramming'," he replies.

"Oh yeah same," says the European.

How do you make a kilogram of fat appealing?

Put a nipple on it

At an international military convention during the Cold War,

various generals from around the world gathered to brag about their accomplishments. An American general stood up and proudly stated, "In the US military, all of our soldiers get 3000 calories a day and we can raise it to 5000 during periods of hard training."

A Soviet general, upon hearing ...

Imagine the US switched to the metric system.

Everyone would be kilogramming your mom.

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My girlfriend always tells everybody that I have a dick like a baby.

I think it’s nobody’s business that it’s 40 centimetres long and weighs 5 kilograms

an American, an Arabian and a Vietnamese in a helicopter

Gasoline was low, the pilot tells them to get rid of unnecessary things to lower the weight.

The American throw a suitcase full of money and said: That just 10 million dollars, There's so many of them in my bank.

The Arabian throw a suitcase full of gold and said: That just 20 kilogram...

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A white guy in the elevator...

So there's a white guy standing in the elevator. Just as the door are about to close, a huge black guy gets in. He stretches his huge arms around the elevator and he says:
- Hi. I'm two meters high. Two meters wide. Have a half meter penis and a kilogram per testicle. I'm Turner Brown!
After h...

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A man born and raised in the province decided to move to the city to find a decent job.

He woke up early that morning to catch the bus to the city and peacefully slept through the five-hour ride.

By the time he woke up the bus was already approaching his stop so he gathered his things and prepared to leave. He had only taken a few steps away from the bus however when he felt a s...

Right before colliding with an iceberg...

The captain of the Titanic got ready to make an announcement:
"Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Fun fact, this ship weighs about 52 thousand kilograms. I'm gonna let that sink in..."

Units.

A science teacher is quizzing the class on various units and measurements.

What is the unit of volume?

Liters.


What is the unit of mass?

Kilograms.


What is the unit of distance?

Meters.


What is the unit of power?

Yes.

(I know...

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New weights and measures

1. The ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton

3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

5. Weight an evangelist carries with Go...

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Russian Military Rations

Several generals from different countries are sitting together in a bar. After a some while of small-talk, the american general starts bragging about how the US Army was recently able to improve the nutritional value of their field rations to 4000 Calories. To which the russian general replies: "Bul...

What's the fastest way to go from 300 pounds to 140?

Convert to kilograms.

How do you become a mass murderer?

Kilogram.

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