Normally Jokes

"Through high voltage nipple clamps” wasn’t the answer they were expecting

But I might watch the presidential debate tonight anyway.

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, “You’ve got to make love to me this very moment!”

My eyes lit up and I thought, “I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!”

Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; righ... read more

Except at a funeral.

Cat Chow

But when in Jerome..

It was really hard deciding which two to leave behind.

Because they arrive wet and wild then leave with your house and car.

When they find out I'm not a good electrician.

Just wanted to be frank with you.

But I’ve just left the gas station.

..but my morning wood.

That's inflation for you.

But my credit card company calls me almost everyday to inform me my balance is outstanding!

But today we had Indian food at work.

It was na'an negotiable.

But when my best friend asked to join him and this really hot girl, I had to. Because I’m a really good friend and all. So we go over to his place and get after it, and we had been going for a while and I was starting to get exhausted.


Then I asked “When is the girl showing up?”

Honey, I shrunk the kids was nothing like I expected

Then we got to the morgue.

You only have to chew twice

"Drugs, normally."

I picked it up, listened for a few moments, then said "Why are you asking me? You can get the weather off the Internet easily enough!" and I put the phone down kinda crossly.

"What was that?" my wife asked.

I shrugged. "No idea. Just some dumbass wanting to know if the coast was clear.... read more

Generally, it is because there are more birds on that side.

It’s just that he does it while stabbing a doll with 9 inch carving knife.

Cupid: Yeah well I appreciate you applying for the job and we’ll keep your resume on file.

...but he was clearly despot.

As the bus stopped & it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed & with a quick smile to the driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little thinking that this... read more

The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools, your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and w... read more

"Yes, I know," said the dentist. "But you yelled so loud, you scared away two other patients."

We normally cook a turkey for Christmas, but if they want a cat, okay.

The doctor told her to eat what she normally ate for three days and then skip a day. He told her she would have lost at least 4 pounds till the next month.

She came back four weeks later, 30 pounds lighter! The doctor looked at her surprised and said "How do you feel now?"

Blonde: "I a... read more

"Hi!" says the woman cheerfully, "Just so you know, I'm deaf, but I can read lips. Just talk as you normally do and I'll let you know if I didn't catch something. So, what do you do for a living?"

"I'm a ventriloquist," says the man.

"What?" says the woman.