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Weights Jokes

I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because the weights are too heavy.

I just handed in my too weak notice.

What do you call an astronaut that lifts weights?

Neil Armstrong

There was a man who took very good care of his body. Every day he lifted weights and jogged 6 miles.

One day, he looked in the mirror and noticed that he was tanned all over, apart from on his ‘thing’.

So, he decided to do something about it…

He went to the beach, took off all his clothes and buried himself in the sand, except for his ‘thing’ which he left sticking out.

Two old...

My conservative brother is considering buying free weights…

To own the lbs.

Lifting weights changed my life. I dropped 25 pounds...

Right on my big toe. It’s broken now I can hardly walk

What's the difference between a rabbit lifting weights and a rabbit with a flower up it's nose?

Ones a Fit Bunny

The other is a Bit Funny

Which weights more, a gallon of water or a gallon of butane?

A gallon of water. Butane is a lighter fluid.

Had to quit working at the gym because I got too exhausted racking all the weights..

Put in my too-weak notice.

Weights

Somewhat skeptical of his son's newfound determination to become the next Charles Atlas, the father nevertheless followed the teenager over to the weight-lifting department of the sporting goods store.

"Please, Dad," whined the boy, "I promise I'll use them every day."

"I don't know, M...

Two burly, muscular men are in the gym, lifting weights...

One says to the other, "When I get home, I'm gonna rip my wife's undies off!"

The other says, "Why's that?"

The first finishes, "Cause the elastic is killing me."

What's the difference between garbage and a home gym's weights during the COVID quarantine?

The garbage gets picked up once a week.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

New weights and measures

1. The ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton

3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

5. Weight an evangelist carries with Go...

"Lift those weights, see if I care."

Said the impersonal trainer.

Elon musk should tweet about my weight

So it would plummet, too.

If you see results after exercising and lifting weights does that mean it’s...

...working out?

A guy and his girlfriend are lifting 1-pound weights together.

He turns to her and says, "Babe, I don't think this is working out."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wish Frasier would have a show about a copy editor in 1942 Germany that's blind, bilingual, narcoleptic, and obsessed with weights and measures.

He'd be a Grammar Grammer gram-er Nazi not-see nod si.

Why can't you lift weights on Monday?

It's a week day.

If I ever go to prison, I'm going to start lifting weights

So I can be the powerhouse of the cell

Why was the Pepsi crying while lifting weights?

Because he was soda-pressing

As a girl who lifts weights at the gym...

I experience a lot of flexual tension

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fat man wanted to lose some weight

So he goes to the fitness and asks what he can do to lose weight fast.

The clerck tells him about a very effective program and the prices:

* Lose 10 kg for $100
* Lose 20 kg for $200
* Lose 30 kg for $300

The man wasn't sure it will work so he bought the cheapest one. He...

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