UPJOKE
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Yo mamma so fat

Ed Sheeran had a stroke trying to sing the shape of her

yo mama so fat

That when she fell over no one laughed but the ground cracked up

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Yo mama so fat, they did a story on how fat she was on the channel 3 news

I switched to channel 7 and you could still see her ass in the corner of the screen

You're so fat

Your pronouns are Hershey

Yo momma so fat, I pictured her in my head

And she broke my neck.

You shouldn't make fun of fat people.

They've got enough on their plates already.

I saw a fat dude with a Guess shirt on

so I approached him and said " 380lbs?"

How do you get a fat girl into bed?

Piece of cake

Yo mama’s so fat

When she skips a meal, the stock market drops.

Yo mama is so fat that…

She needs to wear a watch on both wrists because of time zone difference.

Honey, I look in the mirror and all I see is a fat, ugly, old man. I need you to pay me a compliment.

Ok. Your eyesight is damn near perfect!

- Norm MacDonald

Ok, you guys are going to have to stop making fun of that fat girl with a lisp

She is thick and tired of it

Did you hear about the fat criminal?

We thought we shut him down.

Turns out,

He’s still at large.

Yo mamma so fat…

For Halloween she put on a bedsheet and went as Antarctica.

Jack was very fat and his wife was worried about him, so she made him see the doctor...

The doctor weighed him and said, "You must lose 30 kg. Eat only fruits and vegetables and jog 5 km a day for the next 100 days. Then give me a call and tell me how much you weigh."
Jack went home and did what the doctor told him. 100 days later, Jack called the doctor.
"Jack here. Y...

Yo mama's so fat....

Even her hopes and dreams are on weight watchers

Yo Mama so fat I drove by your house and seen her in the window..

EVERY WINDOW!!

Yo mama so fat

The earth was actually flat until they buried her.

Your Mama is so fat...

The National Weather Service gives a name to each one of her farts.

Yo mama so fat...

that when she went to space, she didn't experience weightlessness.

Fat people get a lot of humiliation these days

This has to stop, being fat is already such a difficult thing. To deal with all the jokes and humiliation is so difficult. If you are fat and someone behaved bad with you for being fat, don't let that weigh you down. You already have a lot weighing you down.

Your mom is so fat she starts the alphabet with the letter "O"...

O B C D...

Do you know why I don't make fat jokes?

Because they wouldn't be appreciated by the wider audience.

Your momma so fat

A water park hired her to sit in a wading pool and start flapping her thighs together to make waves.

Yo mama is so fat and so old...

...that she's currently rolling over in her gravy.

Yo mama so fat

Delivering her pizza is a Worlds Strongest Man event

Yo mama's so fat

When she goes to the beach the tide comes in, but she's so ugly that it goes back out

[Edit] typo

Yo mama joke I thought of it

Yo mama is so fat and old that she’s still eating from the last supper.





Edit : Jesus Christ this blew up. Didn’t know so many of you had to release yo mamas from your system.

So was at a bar last night and saw this fat chick wearing a shirt that said, "Caution, I'm a maneater". I walked up to the girl and timidly said, "Excuse me, Miss...about your shirt."

She interrupted me before I could continue and furiously shouted, "Oh let me guess, you're here to make a comment about how I'm so fat and how I actually eat men. I can't help my weight you know. I have feelings too and your comments can really hurt."

I looked at her, confused and said,"That'...

Yo' Mama's so Fat...

I tried to drive around her and I ran out of gas!

My wife asked me if she looked fat in her new dress.

I told her: "You look like a beautiful shining star"
She replied: "Awhh..."

But then I added: "A neutron star" and she slapped me.
I was hoping she was too dense to understand the joke.

My daughter came home from school yesterday and told us this joke: What do you get from a fat cow?

Homework.

Yo mama so FAT

She eats her dinner off of the tectonic plates!

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My wife came up to me the other day and said "Do these jeans make me look fat?"

I said "Do you promise not to get mad at me no matter what I say?"

"Yes"

"Okay, I fucked your sister."

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A fat man wants to lose weight...

A fat man is looking for a way to lose weight. He has already tried all kinds of slimming diets and fitness programs, but they didn't work for him. One day, he comes across an ad that says: "New revolutionary method - weight loss 100% guaranteed. Satisfied or your money back!"
He thinks: "Since ...

As an American, I am deeply offended whenever I hear non-Americans call America a nation of fat idiots . . .

. . . then I remember that we had a national panic when they quit making Twinkies.

I'm not saying the wife is fat or anything.

But when she gets on the scales... they read "sorry one at a time please"

Your momma so fat,

She sat on an iPhone and turned it into an iPad!

left my gf because she got fat

"but I'm pregnant" there is always an excuse

How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat?

She starts fitting in your wife's clothes.

(Old joke, I know, just heard it though, made me laugh.)

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I watching a weird porn the other day; it was just a fat man crying and wanking at the same time….

then realized I hadn't turned the TV on.

My Astronomy professor told me, “Yo mamma’s so fat”

“She has her own LaGrange points”

What does a fat American and a rich British person have in common?

They have alot of pounds

A fat guy is really stressed

I feel as if no one is under as much pressure as he is.

Well, besides his chair.

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What should you reply when a bully asks you ''Why are you so fat?

Everytime i fuck your mom she gives me a cookie.

A boy reads a restaurant sign that advertised fat-free free French fries.

“Sounds great!” said the health conscious boy, as he ordered some.

He watched as a the cook pulled a basket of fries from the fryer. The potatoes were dripping with oil when the cook put them in the box.

“Wait a minute, those don’t look fat free!”

“They sure are,” the cook said...

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A fifteen-year-old Amish boy and his father were in a mall.

They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "What is this Father?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in ...

Yo mama is so fat.

Her weight loss program was featured on: Top 10 failed megaprojects.

I asked my doctor “how do I lose 35lb of ugly fat?

He said “cut your head off”.

My relationships are like fat people.

They don't work out.

Your mom is so fat,

The Red Sea is easier to part than her legs.

It doesn’t matter if you’re tall, short, fat, thin, rich, poor, at the end of the day....

It’s night.

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The corporal at the Motor Pool received a call one day demanding the delivery of a Jeep.

"Sorry, man", said the Corporal, "the last Jeep went out yesterday to Sgt. Fat-Ass McGinty."

The voice on the phone said, "Do you know who this is?"

"No, man," said the Corporal.

"This is Sgt. McGinty!"

After a moment, the Corporal asked, "Well, do you know who *this* is?...

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Some jerk took all my money, called me fat, then stabbed me in the arm.

I hate doctor's appointments.

Your momma is so fat....

Your momma is so fat that when she accepts website cookies they run out.

What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?

A mass murderer

Your MOM So Fat.

When She Walked In Front Of The TV I Missed Two Episodes.

What happened when five fat French men got in the lifeboat?

Cinq.

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Speaking of a big fat butt!

A girl takes her big fat cat to the vet.

"My cat is very fat,” she says.

"Alright," says the vet. "I will look at him."

The vet picks up the cat and examines its teeth. Then she looks at its eyes. Then into its ears.

Finally, she turns to the girl and says, “I'm very sorr...

Your momma's so fat

She achieved herd immunity by herself

life is like a box of chocolates

It doesn't last as long for fat people

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Being fat and single sucks

My clothes have more X's than porn URL's

How can you tell your girlfriend is getting fat?

She fits in your wife’s clothes

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A big fat Texan goes to a ranch to pick out some cattle.

The owner lines them up and the buyer walks down the line until he sees one he likes.

He pulls out two pieces of bread and stuffs them in the cow's ears.

"Hey! .. What are you doing?" asks the owner. "Stop that!"

The Texan replies, "I can make my sandwich any damn way I want!"

What Ricky Gervais said after taking some digs at fat people at a show

"I don't want fat people to feel uncomfortable at my gigs. So next time, buy two seats"

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Yo mamma so fat...

Her nude pics are too big to download

Fat people are so gullible

You can say anything and they’ll just eat it up

What do you call a fat psychic?

A four-chin teller.

I went to a pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table

I said "Nice legs" the girl giggled and smiled and said "Do you really think so?"

I said "yeah definitely, most tables would've collapsed by now"

Incredibly Fat lady and her Super Fat husband complained at me for standing in line for all of 5 minutes.

"Sorry about the weight."

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Yo momma so fat…

When she hauls ass she has to make 2 trips

My wife spoke to me while staring into her mirror, she said 'I'm old, getting fat and look like I haven't slept for a week, I need a compliment'

I said 'Your eyesight is perfect'

Yo mamma so fat ...

She's literally attractive.

Yo mamma so fat... if she was murdered her chalk outline would be a circle..

I know it's not mine. But just heard it for the first time the other day. Made me smile. What is your favorite yo mamma jokes? Would love to read them

Call a girl beautiful thousand times and she'll not even notice. Call a girl fat once and she'll never forget.

Because elephants have very good memory.

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Yo mama so fat..

I ate her ass and had leftovers for a week.

Q: How do you make four pounds of fat look good?

A: Put a nipple on it.

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When a man is poor and fat, he’s a fat ass. When a man is rich and fat, he’s:

My cute chubby teddy bear

yo mama so fat…

when god made light he asked her to move out of the way

(I know those jokes arent popular anymore but my 12 yo came up with this one)

Leave fat people alone man

They’ve got enough on their plate

Putin, Xi, Trump, Bolsonaro, Kim and Duterte are relaxing in bed after group coitus, when Trump sits bolt upright and says…

“Hey, hey guys? I have the best ties, the best, long, beautiful, red, nobody has ties like me, but I can’t seem to find my tie, my favourite - and not just my favourite, but many people tell me it is their favourite too, many people, in fact, someone called me up a few days ago crying, actually cry...

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Guinness world record attempt !

Three roommates were hanging out in the living room one day, when one of them opened an email on their phone.

"Hey guys, the Guinness book of world records is coming to town! We should go get into it somehow!"

The shortest roommate, who was only 3 feet tall says "I'm going to go see if...

Why do you never see a fat ninja?

Because fat ninjas are the best ninjas.

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At 581 words this long one has the advantage of making you laugh many times even before the punchline.

An out of work pianist with Tourette's Syndrome was strolling around the streets and bars of London. Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window: 'Pianist wanted for evening performances'. "Fucking get in there you cunt!" he says to himself and goes to the bar.

<...

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An obese man is tired of being fat

He has tried everything to lose weight but nothing has worked.

He eventually got suicidal and went to his friends house and told him he will take his own life.

His friend said “wait wait, I know of a clinic that will 100% help you lose weight”

The obese man had nothing to lose s...

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Dylan was practicing his golf swing in his front yard when he swung a little too hard and sent the ball through his neighbors window. He rang the bell but nobody answered so he opened the door to see an old lamp lying near broken glass and a huge fat Arabian man wearing a turban sitting on the couch

Dylan asked, "Who are you?" The fat man replied, "I am a genie you have freed from that lamp."

Dylan questioned, "Oh man, do I get three wishes?" The genie replied, "Since you freed me by accident you only get two and I get one."

Dylan thought about it and realized what he wanted, "I w...

A little boy goes up to his pregnant mum, points at her fat belly and says, what’s that?

She says… (a bit startled…) erm… that’s a baby your daddy gave me that…

So the little boy walks off to find his dad with a confused look on his face…

“daddy did you give mummy a baby ?”

“yeh I did son, that’s right why do you ask…?”

“well don’t give her another, she ate ...

What do you call a fat bee?

Chub-bee!

What do you call an even fatter bee?

O-bees!

Your Momma So Fat…

Your Momma So Fat She didn’t float in zero gravity.

Yo momma's so fat that objects 5 meters away accelerate at 1 m/s^2 toward her. What is yo momma's mass if G = 6.67x10^-11Nm^2/kg^2?

Please, someone help me, I can't solve it and it's making me nuts.

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Why does Japan have such low obesity rates?

Because the last time a fat man was there a whole city blew up.

Yo' mama so fat

Einstein did a separate theory for her.

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A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel Horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
Compliment."
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

Kim Jong-un walks into a school in North Korea.

He asks a student "Who is your father?

The student replies "The Supreme Leader, infinite in wisdom and kindness, provider and protector of the Koreans, he is our only father."

Kim Jong beams. "Excellent. Now tell me who is your mother?"

The student doesn't hesitate. "The Land of...

Yo mama so fat…

That when she went to [insert foreign country] she became [home country]’s largest export

Why are there no fat painters?

Because they all went to the paint store to get thinner

My friend commented on my daughter's weight recently, I told him it's mostly puppy fat.

We should stop buying her pets, kid's a f\*cking pyscho.

Yo mama is so fat...

... that when she went to the movie theater she sat next to everybody.

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Yo Mama's so old... and stupid... and fat.

Yo Mama's so old she remembers when Captain Caveman was a lieutenant,

yo Mama's so old, when she went to school history class was just one paragraph.

yo Mama's so stupid, she has a glow in the dark sundial in her garden,

yo Mama's so stupid she went to the Dentist to fix her Blu...

What do you call a fat British guy?

A full English.

Yo momma so fat

She only needs a single cup of water to fill up her bath

my doctor told me to stay away from trans fats

i know what you're thinking, how rude.

in my opinion, a doctor shouldn't get any say in who their patients date

Your momma is so fat

That the government had to bail her out because she was too big to fail.

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