I ran over a fat girl today

She asked me why I didn’t go around her.

I said I didn’t think I’d have enough gas.

A fat man meets a skinny man

The fat man tells the skinny man: "when people look at you, they think the world's starving to death"

And the skinny man responds: "when they look at you, they know why"

Yo mama is so fat

She went out in high heels, and came back in flip flops

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I was watching a porno and it was just this fat dude crying and jerking off

then I realised I hadn't turned my computer on yet

You shouldn't fat shame people.

But to be truthful, they won't come running after you.

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.

I said, "Nice legs."

The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."

I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

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My wife came up to me the other day and said "Do these jeans make me look fat?"

I said "Do you promise not to get mad at me no matter what I say?"

"Yes"

"Okay, I fucked your sister."

What do you call a fat person in Europe?

An American tourist

My doctor told me I was fat

I told him I want a second opinion.


So he told me I’m ugly, too.

Yo momma so fat..

She got triabetes.

Not saying my Ex was fat

But it took a year for my memory foam mattress to forget her.

Beer doesn’t make you fat

It makes you lean; against walls, doors, toilets, etc.

Finally my winter fat is gone!

Now I have spring rolls : (

Tell a woman she's beautiful a thousand times and she'll still act like she's never heard it before. Call a woman fat once and she'll always remember.

Because elephants never forget.

Don’t make fun of fat people

It’s already hard enough for them to get up in the morning

I would make a joke about how yo mama so fat...

But we shouldn't talk about the elephant in the room.

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A fat women was riding her bike very fast down a hill in the country near my home, I yelled out "COW" the bitch gave me the finger

She ploughed straight into the cow.......tried warning her

Fat shaming is wrong.

They have enough on their plate already.

Yo mamma's so fat

They had to take her passport photo with Google earth.

how can you tell if your gf is getting fat?

when She fits in your Wife's clothes.

Yo mamma so fat

Yo momma so fat, clumsy and stupid, on her way to Wal-Mart she tripped over kmart and fell on target.

I’m fat but I self identify as thin.

I’m trans slender

So was at a bar last night and saw this fat chick wearing a shirt that said, "Caution, I'm a maneater". I walked up to the girl and timidly said, "Excuse me, Miss...about your shirt."

She interrupted me before I could continue and furiously shouted, "Oh let me guess, you're here to make a comment about how I'm so fat and how I actually eat men. I can't help my weight you know. I have feelings too and your comments can really hurt."

I looked at her, confused and said,"That'...

Why do you never see a fat ninja?

Because fat ninjas are the best ninjas.

Yo mama so fat it's hilarious

I'm not laughing but the floor is cracking up

Yo momma's so fat that objects 5 meters away accelerate at 1 m/s^2 toward her. What is yo momma's mass if G = 6.67x10^-11Nm^2/kg^2?

Please, someone help me, I can't solve it and it's making me nuts.

How do you get an fat person in your bedroom?

Piece of cake

Yo mamma so fat

When she steps on a scale I see my phone number

Yo mama so fat...

...when she goes camping the bears hide their food.

Yo momma soooo fat

she entered a fat contest and they said "sorry no professionals."

Your momma is so Fat.......

She uses pillowcases as socks!!



What’s your best “ your momma “ joke?... I love these jokes.

Yo mama so fat, when she died, she broke the stairway to heaven.

And she cracked the highway to hell.

Wife to husband: “Did I get fat during quarantine?”

Husband replies: “you weren’t really that skinny to be begin with!”

Time of death: 11:00pm
Cause of death: Covid-19

What did the hippo say when another called it fat?

*"That's very hippocritical of you."*

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You’re so fat

You’re so fat that when you watch porn, you come when the pizza guy arrives!

My friend has been going to the gym because people kept calling him "fat" and "ugly".

Now they just call him "ugly".

Yo mama so fat...

She uses DHL instead of UberEats.

Yo mama so fat...

it took Nationwide 3 years to get on her side.

Yo mumma’s so fat

The ocean beaches on her.

Yo momma so fat

when the lord said "let there be light" he had to ask her to move first

Yo momma's so fat

She has to use a boomerang to get her belt on

I’m not fat...

I’m enlarged to show texture.

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Your momma so fat

She posts on Grubhub instead of Pornhub

What do you call a fat doctor who can predict the weather?

A meaty urologist.

I don’t find fat jokes funny anymore...

... I have outgrown them

Your mama's so fat...

...they call her missionary impossible.

The fat acceptance movement is the only movement

Without movement.

Yo mama so fat

>!We’re genuinely worried about her. That kind of lifestyle is unhealthy. You should encourage her to walk more and lay off the Ben&Jerry’s.!<

Q: How do you make five pounds of fat look good?

A: Put a nipple on it.

What do you call a fat alcoholic?

A heavy drinker

Yo mama so fat she doesn't need the internet.

She’s already world-wide.

What's common between a skinny woman and a fat man?

Both refuse to wear bras.

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Fat shaming is unacceptable...

...unless you disagree with me politically you fat fuck

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A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband, " I feel horrible, I look fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment."

The husband replies, "your eyesight's damn near perfect."

He never even heard the shot

Yo momma so fat...

There wasn’t enough room for a punchline

How to loose belly fat

Little Johny walks to his mom and starts asking her about what he had seen the previous night while sneaking around the house.

Little Johny: Mommy, mommy why ware you jumping on daddy’s stomach last night?

Mom: Johny you’re old enough to know the truth... your dad is getting obese so ...

Yo mama got so fat

She is now forever banned from hitching a ride to the Mediterranean on the #EverGiven

What did the roman dad name his fat newborn?

Voluminous.

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You and 2 friends of yours walk through a forest

after a while you lot stumble upon a hut, from which a weird old lady, resembling a witch, comes out from. She slowly says
*"...do not step on the purple flower..."*
and then goes back into her hut.

A little confused, you exchange looks with your friends, shrug, and keep walking.
...

I think my fat girlfriend is hot.

She's been sweating profusely.

What's the difference between the holocaust and the excess fat under a woman's upper arms?

You can make a joke about the holocaust.

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Yo mama so fat

The strip club calls her Hitler after all the damage she's done to the poles.

What do fat ghosts need to do to lose weight?

Exorcise

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My doctor gave me 6 months, so I shot him.

## The judge gave me 60 years!


&nbsp;

&nbsp;

&nbsp;


### My (other) favorite one liners:

1. I’ve had amnesia for as long as I can remember.

1. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A ripoff.

1. French tanks have five rever...

A lot of people are pretty upset about "fat shaming" jokes these days

Maybe they need to lighten up

What do you call a fat dog?

A little husky

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a fat European knight who works in the porn industry?

Sir Cum France

Yo momma so fat...

She is considered a carbohydrate based life form.

What do you get if you eat 3.14 desserts?

You probably get Fat.

What? were you expecting a pi joke?

Not on my cake day!

Life is like a box of Chocolates

It doesn’t last as long for fat people

Doesn't matter if you are tall or short, fat or thin, black or white, at the end of the day...

It will be night time.

Your mommas so fat.....

She got arrested at the airport for 10 pounds of crack.

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A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis were sitting around talking about how much they hate their lives

The cucumber said, "man my life sucks the most, whenever i get big, fat, and juicy someone chops me up and throws me in a salad. The pickle speaks up, "man you dont know shit, when i get big, fat, and juicy someone sticks me in vinegar, covers me in spices, and closes me in a jar. The penis has had ...

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Donner with my boss

I had dinner last week at my boss house, his wife offered me roasted potatoes she said " how many potatoes do you want?

" i said "one please"

she said "you don't have to be polite",

"one, you fat bitch" wasn't the proper answer

I have seen a lot of fat jokes recently, and I honestly think we should be nicer to them.

They have enough on their plates as it is.

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A wife is tired of all the problems that need fixing in her house

She asks her husband, "Can you please fix the leak in the bathroom? ", the husband says "Do i look like a plumber?"

She asks him "Well can you please fix the light in the living room, its been flickering for ages?", he replies "Do i look like and electrician?"

Growing tired she asks hi...

Yo mamma's so fat that...

...when she got covid the CDC classified it a super spreader event.

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A man invites some of his fetish club over for breakfast....

They are catching up on life and swapping stories about work, their grandkids’ birthdays, their recent stock market fortunes, and so on, when the subject of what they’re most proud of comes up.

Gerald, a 35 year old dentist, proudly exclaims, “Of everyone here, I by far, have the largest peni...

I used to assume that if a chef is fat, it means that their food is good.

Then I learned: Never judge a cook by his blubber.

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Early one morning a fat kid was sitting in an airport terminal eating a giant size candy bar.

An older man strolled by and saw the boy.

He stopped abruptly and asked "Hey kid, do you think it's a good idea to be eating a giant candy bar for breakfast?"

The boy replied "I don't know, but my grandpappy lived to be 102 years old."

The old man said "I'm sure he did, but he ...

Your mom is so fat she starts the alphabet with the letter "O"...

O B C D...

In which city do fat people stay?

Obesity.

My friend says that heavy cream is pure fat.

My friend says that heavy cream is pure fat; to which I replied no, it’s whey more.

At first I wasn’t quite sure if my dog was pregnant, bloated, or just fat

But then it became apparent

Is that a fat joke?

Why are all priests overweight?
Because they hate to exorcise.

Can people please stop fat-shaming others

They’ve already got enough on their plate

Yo mama so fat....

... she gave her memory-foam mattress to Goodwill and they sold it as a flying saucer.

Yo mama so FAT

She can't store files larger than 4 GB.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Married Couple Terrified a Cab Driver.

They were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theater, having had a break-in in the past, they turned on a nightlight and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard.
When their cab arrived, they walked out from their front door and their rather tubby cat sc...

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Yo mama's so fat

Her belly button was named 'The Mariana Trench'

Yo mama soooo fat

When she jumped into the pool, nasa found water on Mars.

A teacher asked her students.

"What does the little chicken give you?"
The students replied, "Eggs"
"What does the round pig give you?"
"Bacon"
"What does the fat cow give you?"
"Homework"

Your mom is so fat

Your mom is so fat that, a group of people started believing that your mom is actually flat.

[EDIT] OMG, thanks for the Platinum

People be like I am fat because my mother cooks good food...

...I am like I am single because I have strong hands.

This one is from my 9yo, Have you heard about the leader of the fat club?

I've heard he's wiiiiidely appreciated.

A fat man goes into a fast food restaurant and orders his food. The cashier says that it will be a minute or two for his food. Finally his food is ready. The cashier hands the food to the fat guy and tells him,

"Sorry about your weight."

If I had a dollar for every girl that thought I looked too fat,

By now, they’d think I looked pretty good.

What's fat, orange and that everyone avoids?

A traffic cone.

*what did you expect?*

Your momma's so fat...

... no one can socially distance her.

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A Jewish man, a Frenchman, and an Italian man were bragging about their sex lives.

The Jewish man said, “Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed her body all over with schmaltz (chicken fat), we made passionate love, and she screamed for five full minutes at the end!”

The Frenchman boasted, “Last week when my wife and I had sex, I rubbed her body all over with butt...

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I was watching weird porn

I was watching a weird porn the other day. It was just a fat man crying and wanking at the same time. Then realized I hadn't turned the TV on.

Yo mama so fat...

When she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.


Gimme your best yo mama jokes.

When telling a fat man to lose weight you should not sugar coat it

Because he will eat that too

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