Your mom is so fat

Your mom is so fat that, a group of people started believing that your mom is actually flat.

[EDIT] OMG, thanks for the Platinum

I was going to make a fat joke

It didn't work out.

You shouldn’t make fun of fat people

They have enough on their plates already.

Yo Mama so fat

I swerved to avoid her in the road and ran out of gas

What do you call a fat psychic?

A four-chin teller.

How can you tell your girlfriend is getting fat?

She fits in your wife’s clothes

Yo mama so fat ...

The sorting hat put her in waffle house.

Your mom is so fat she starts the alphabet with the letter "O"...

O B C D...

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?

Add a nipple to it.

Wife: “I look fat. I feel really down, can you give me a compliment?"

Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”

Yo momma so fat

she doesn't support NTFS.

What do you call a fat stripper?

A piggy bank.

A fat man sees a sign on a door: lose 1 pound for $1...

He puts a dollar in the slot and enters. There is a jogging track with a beautiful naked woman wearing jogging shoes. "Better start running" she says, beckoning him. Excited, he chases her around the track for an hour. Finally he catches her, she... ahem... rewards him... then he steps on the scale....

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My wife just asked me if she looked fat..

This literally just happened...

My wife asked me if she looked fat after eating the biggest meal of our lives.

I said "no honey, you look great".

She said "Well you have to say that. If you didn't, I would have to kill you"

Apparently "I'd like to see your fat ass try" wa...

I always make jokes about everything, but I won't make a joke about fat people...

...because an elephant never forgets.

My fat friend and my fat self were the only ones at Trump's 2020 inauguration ceremony.

There were tons of people there.

How do you make 2lbs of ugly fat attractive?

Put a nipple on it!

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Last time my wife asked me if she looked fat, ...

I sighed and said, "Honey, if I tell you the truth, do you promise not to be mad?" She rolled her eyes, but agreed. So I said, "I've been fucking your sister."

AITA for telling "Yo mama so fat" jokes to my friend

I may be overreacting but its been over a week since her funeral and hes not talking to me

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John was a very fat guy who was sick of being ridiculed all the time.

So he decided to do something to reduce his weight. Next morning he found an advertisement in the newspaper claiming to help him lose weight quickly. Intrigued, he called them and asked for the plans available.
The operator told him that there are three plans
"10 pounds in a week"
"20 po...

Im fat but i identify as skinny

Im trans-slender

If you call a girl fat, she'll always remember.

Because elephants never forget

Yo momma so fat..

She broke the branch in her family tree!

Yo mama so fat

There's an entire movement that thinks she's flat.

Why are bachelors skinny and married guys fat?

Bachelors go to the fridge, don't see anything they like, and go to bed. Married guys go to bed, don't see anything they like, and go to the fridge.

How do you get a fat chick to get in bed with you?

Piece of cake.

Yo mama's so fat...

her wedding music was the jurassic park theme

Yo mama so fat...

Greenpeace tried to roll her back in the sea.

A fat man goes for a medical check-up.

Doctor: "If that stomach was on a woman she'd have to be pregnant"

Man: "It was, and she is"

Yo mama so fat...

When God said let their be light he was telling her to move out of the way

Whenever a fat person gets upset in public...

...I can see why.

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Wife: Does this dress make me look fat? Me: You promise not to get mad no matter what i say? Wife: Yes

Me: I fucked your sister

My doctor tells me my visceral fat needs addressing...

... I'm considering Ranch or Thousand Island, do you have any other recommendations?

Why are fat people always friends with other fat people?

I guess you could say they just gravitate towards eachother

My wife is like a fat vegan

I can't prove it, but she's probably cheating.

I went to see the doctor today and he said to me, "Don't eat anything fatty."

I said, "What - no bacon or sausages or burgers or anything?"

He said, "No fatty, just don't eat anything."

A fat lady walks into a bar.

She raise her arm showing off her hairy armpits and says “ Who wants to buy this nice lady a drink?” A drunk guy in the back says “I will, I’ll buy the ballerina a drink.”

This goes on a few more times. “ Who wants to buy this nice lady a drink?” “I will, I’ll buy the ballerina a drink.”

"I wonder what he's thinking... I wonder if he likes me... I wonder if he thinks I'm fat..."

- Wonder Woman

(- Katherine Ryan)

Yo momma is so vegan and fat...

..that she ate a meal and got arrested for deforestation.

What's the fat kid's favorite day of the week?


My wife said to me, "Honey, does this dress make me look fat?"

I said, "Don't worry hun, it's not the dress."

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85% of all women think their ass is too fat. 10% of all women think their ass is too thin.

And 5% are really happy that they married him.

People used to make fun of me because I'm fat and am always sitting. So I started jogging.

Now I'm a running joke.

What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?

Fat. You get fat.

What? Like I would make a pie joke on my cake day?

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I had sex with a fat chick last night but I was really nervous...

There was a lot riding on me.

Fat people in long distance relationships.

They don't work out.

I made fun of fat men and I became fat

I teased the bald men and I became bald. Now I only make fun of the rich

The woman mocked fat man on the beach..

The woman mocked fat man on the beach, clapping her big belly and saying, "Well, that's where the sixpack is. Was it heineken or something else?"

The man answered the woman:
"There's a tap under it, you can taste it yourself"

Sorry if my english is any bad,...

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I bought a porn DVD today and all I could see was a dark image of some fat cunt sitting there holding his cock.

Then I realised the telly wasn't on.

Yo so fat

she doesn’t even fit in my jokes.

What do you call fat Elton John?

Hot pocket man

They used to call me fat, but then I gained another 66% with soft drinks.

Now they call me fanta.

How do fat people defy the laws of physics?

They have mass but they don’t matter.

The only woman I ever loved, before she left, told me that I'm fat, ugly, and stupid.

Jokes on her though. I could always lose weight, get plastic surgery, and read a book.

Even after she gets back from rehab, she'll still always be MY mom.

My wife asked me “is it just me or is the cat getting fat?”

Apparently, “no it’s just you” wasn’t the right answer.

Why do you never see a fat Jesus?

He did Cross Fit

Alcohol does not make you fat, it makes you lean.

Mostly against walls, tables, chairs, bars, floors & occasionally ugly chicks.

Why did the fat kid drop his ice cream cone?

Because he got hit by a bus

What do you call a fat psychic?

A 4 chin teller.
My dad just told me this one and I thought I'd share it

What do you call a fat parrot with an umbrella?

A Polly-unsaturated fat.

I ran away from fat camp

I guess it worked.

If a mass of beef fat is 'tallow', and mass of pig fat is 'lard', what is a mass of human fat called?


Just kidding, it's actually called 'Yo Momma'.

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A man was about to have sex with a really fat woman.

After climbing on top of her, he asked 'Can I turn the light off?' 'Is it because you're shy?' she said.
'No', he said.

'It's because it's burning my arse'

I slept with a fat dyslexic woman last night

She gave me carbs

My friend gets offended when people tell fat jokes.

I told her to lighten up.

Yo mama's so fat

that buzz lightyear says, "To infinity and your mom!"

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What's a fat girls favourite part of sex?

The part where she swallows.

Yo momma's so fat, she's like a Boeing 737 Max 8.

At the slightest sign of trouble, she throws herself at the ground screaming, killing all 300 people riding her.

Fat people aren't fat...

They're just horizontally challenged.

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Why did the Jew marry the fat girl?

She was worth her weight in gold.

You should never make fun of a a fat person with a lisp.

They’re probably thick and tired of it.

If I'm fat but identify as thin,

Does that mean that I'm trans slender?

What do you call 2 fat goths?

Morbidly obese.

I know I shouldnt joke about obese people they've got enough on their plate.

Yo mamma is so fat...

Thanos had to snap twice to kill her

So was at a bar last night and saw this fat chick wearing a shirt that said, "caution, I'm a maneater".

I walked up to the girl and timidly said, "excuse me, Miss... about your shirt"

She interrupted me before I could continue and furiously shouted; "Oh let me guess, you're here to make a comment about how I'm so fat and how I actually eat men.. I can't help my weight you know. I have feelings...

Did you hear about the fat magician?

He always had some Twix up his sleeve

What do sailor do with fat girls?

Give them a wide berth

Get yourself a fat wife with tattoos...

Shade in the summer.

Warmth in the winter.

Moving pictures all year long.

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On the tub of ice cream I bought it said "50% less fat"

It's a fucking con, guys.

I just ate the whole tub and I'm actually heavier.

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A man and his wife were getting dressed for a big event. After putting on her dress, she asked her husband, "does this dress make my ass look fat?"

The husband sighed, and asked his wife, "Honey, do you promise me you won't get mad, no matter how I answer?"

His wife said, "I promise, I'll never bring it up again."

The husband looked her over and said, "I fucked your sister."

I told the corn he wasn't fat, just a little husky.

He didn't know how to take the compliment tho I guess it went against the grain.

My wife was upset and asked if I thought she was fat

To calm her down I replied 'oh Honey.. sugar, sweetie pie.. avoiding these would be a good start'

Life is like a box of chocolates

It doesn't last long for fat people.

Why did Thor get fat?

He got leTHORgic

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I've put massive billboards up on the side of my house one says "Henry the VIII was a Fat protestant Bigamist"

and the other says "Elizabeth the 1st was an ugly ginger virgin".

Well the wife said she always wanted to live in a Mock tudor house .

What did the cook say when he accidentally dropped the jar of duck fat?


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[SPOILER] I finally got my fat ass over to watch Endgame.

Apparently, I have the body of a God.

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