UPJOKE
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Yo mamma so fat

Ed Sheeran had a stroke trying to sing the shape of her

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Your mothers so fat

They started calling her Hitler at the strip club for all the damage she did to the Poles.

"Fat acceptance"

The only movement without movement

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What should you reply when a bully asks you ''Why are you so fat?

Everytime i fuck your mom she gives me a cookie.

You shouldn't make fun of fat people.

They've got enough on their plates already.

I think we should stop making jokes about fat people

They obviously have enough on their plate already

My daughter came home from school yesterday and told us this joke: What do you get from a fat cow?

Homework.

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How to you get a fat girl to have sex with you?

I don’t know but it’s probably a piece of cake.

Your momma so fat,

She sat on an iPhone and turned it into an iPad!

Yo mama is so fat.

Her weight loss program was featured on: Top 10 failed megaprojects.

My relationships are like fat people.

They don't work out.

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times, and she won't think twice. Call a girl fat once and

she'll always remember.

*Because elephants never forget*

Stop making fun of fat girls with lisps

They're thick and tired of it.

Your mum is so fat

Before she was buried the earth was a disc.

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Yo mama so fat..

I ate her ass and had leftovers for a week.

Your mom is so fat she starts the alphabet with the letter "O"...

O B C D...

You're so fat

Your pronouns are Hershey

I saw a fat dude with a Guess shirt on

so I approached him and said " 380lbs?"

Honey, I look in the mirror and all I see is a fat, ugly, old man. I need you to pay me a compliment.

Ok. Your eyesight is damn near perfect!

- Norm MacDonald

Q: How do you make four pounds of fat look good?

A: Put a nipple on it.

I asked my doctor “how do I lose 35lb of ugly fat?

He said “cut your head off”.

Yo momma so fat…

Thanos had to snap twice

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.

I said, "Nice legs."

The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."

I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

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Yo momma so fat…

When she hauls ass she has to make 2 trips

Your momma is so fat....

Your momma is so fat that when she accepts website cookies they run out.

Your momma's so fat

She achieved herd immunity by herself

So was at a bar last night and saw this fat chick wearing a shirt that said, "Caution, I'm a maneater". I walked up to the girl and timidly said, "Excuse me, Miss...about your shirt."

She interrupted me before I could continue and furiously shouted, "Oh let me guess, you're here to make a comment about how I'm so fat and how I actually eat men. I can't help my weight you know. I have feelings too and your comments can really hurt."

I looked at her, confused and said,"That'...

How can you tell your girlfriend is getting fat?

She fits in your wife’s clothes

What Ricky Gervais said after taking some digs at fat people at a show

"I don't want fat people to feel uncomfortable at my gigs. So next time, buy two seats"

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Some jerk took all my money, called me fat, then stabbed me in the arm.

I hate doctor's appointments.

Confucius say fat man walking through airport door sideways...

...is going to Bangkok

How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat?

She starts fitting in your wife's clothes.

(Old joke, I know, just heard it though, made me laugh.)

Yo momma so fat

She fell on the sidewalk, I didn't laugh. But the sidewalk cracked up though.

Your mom is so fat,

The Red Sea is easier to part than her legs.

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My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre.

Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and the security camera , then put the cat in the backyard. When our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat scooted between our legs inside, then ran up the stairs. Because our cat likes to chase our budgie we ...

My wife spoke to me while staring into her mirror, she said 'I'm old, getting fat and look like I haven't slept for a week, I need a compliment'

I said 'Your eyesight is perfect'

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My wife came up to me the other day and said "Do these jeans make me look fat?"

I said "Do you promise not to get mad at me no matter what I say?"

"Yes"

"Okay, I fucked your sister."

Yo mamma so fat... if she was murdered her chalk outline would be a circle..

I know it's not mine. But just heard it for the first time the other day. Made me smile. What is your favorite yo mamma jokes? Would love to read them

What do you call a fat psychic?

A four-chin teller.

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Speaking of a big fat butt!

A girl takes her big fat cat to the vet.

"My cat is very fat,” she says.

"Alright," says the vet. "I will look at him."

The vet picks up the cat and examines its teeth. Then she looks at its eyes. Then into its ears.

Finally, she turns to the girl and says, “I'm very sorr...

Your Momma So Fat…

Your Momma So Fat She didn’t float in zero gravity.

Where fat goes

Not a joke, but a report on the radio out of Orlando, FL some years ago as part of a program where kids wrote NASA engineers their questions.

Kid: When I lose weight, where does the fat go?

NASA Engineer: My girlfriend

Yo mama so FAT

She eats her dinner off of the tectonic plates!

What do you call a fat bee?

Chub-bee!

What do you call an even fatter bee?

O-bees!

Your MOM So Fat.

When She Walked In Front Of The TV I Missed Two Episodes.

Guys We gotta stop giving fat people such a hard time

They got enough on their plate as it is.

yo mama so fat…

when god made light he asked her to move out of the way

(I know those jokes arent popular anymore but my 12 yo came up with this one)

What happens to winter fat?

It becomes spring rolls!

My friend commented on my daughter's weight recently, I told him it's mostly puppy fat.

We should stop buying her pets, kid's a f\*cking pyscho.

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Yo Mama's so old... and stupid... and fat.

Yo Mama's so old she remembers when Captain Caveman was a lieutenant,

yo Mama's so old, when she went to school history class was just one paragraph.

yo Mama's so stupid, she has a glow in the dark sundial in her garden,

yo Mama's so stupid she went to the Dentist to fix her Blu...

my doctor told me to stay away from trans fats

i know what you're thinking, how rude.

in my opinion, a doctor shouldn't get any say in who their patients date

Russian mamas so fat...

only a Ukranian tractor can pull her over

A wife is frying eggs for her husband in the morning

Suddenly the husband appears behind the wife's back and says:

"Careful, CAREFUL, put more fat in the pan! You're frying too many at a time. TOO MANY! Flip them! FLIP THEM! Come on!
Put more fat in there. Oh dear lord. How are you gonna make space for the fat now, look, they're sticking to ...

Putin's mama's so fat

only a Ukrainian tractor could pull her

Yo mama's so fat...

...when she plays Pokemon Go it's just Pokemon.

Yo momma so fat

She only needs a single cup of water to fill up her bath

What does a fat american and a rich english have in common?

Lots of pounds.

Yo mamma so fat, her preferred pronoun is

There

Why are there no fat painters?

Because they all went to the paint store to get thinner

Yo' mama so fat

Einstein did a separate theory for her.

What do you call a fat sheepdog?

A broader collie

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A married woman comes home early and finds her husband

having ferocious sex with a young attractive woman in their marital bed. She immediately says:

“You bastard, you son of a bitch, I’m calling my lawyer and divorcing you this minute, after all The love and devotion I have given you all these years, this is how you repay me?!!”

The husb...

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An obese man is tired of being fat

He has tried everything to lose weight but nothing has worked.

He eventually got suicidal and went to his friends house and told him he will take his own life.

His friend said “wait wait, I know of a clinic that will 100% help you lose weight”

The obese man had nothing to lose s...

What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?

A mass murderer

I might be fat but I identify as skinny

I’m trans-slender

Yo momma so fat...

When she's tanning at the beach, Greenpeace comes with 3 busses to pull her back in the water...

Yo mama so fat...

Yo mama so fat she has her own gravity

But she so ugly people are still repelled by her

A little boy goes up to his pregnant mum, points at her fat belly and says, what’s that?

She says… (a bit startled…) erm… that’s a baby your daddy gave me that…

So the little boy walks off to find his dad with a confused look on his face…

“daddy did you give mummy a baby ?”

“yeh I did son, that’s right why do you ask…?”

“well don’t give her another, she ate ...

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Dylan was practicing his golf swing in his front yard when he swung a little too hard and sent the ball through his neighbors window. He rang the bell but nobody answered so he opened the door to see an old lamp lying near broken glass and a huge fat Arabian man wearing a turban sitting on the couch

Dylan asked, "Who are you?" The fat man replied, "I am a genie you have freed from that lamp."

Dylan questioned, "Oh man, do I get three wishes?" The genie replied, "Since you freed me by accident you only get two and I get one."

Dylan thought about it and realized what he wanted, "I w...

Yo mama so fat…

That when she went to [insert foreign country] she became [home country]’s largest export

What do you call a fat British guy?

A full English.

Yo momma's so fat that objects 5 meters away accelerate at 1 m/s^2 toward her. What is yo momma's mass if G = 6.67x10^-11Nm^2/kg^2?

Please, someone help me, I can't solve it and it's making me nuts.

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Was having dinner with the in-laws and my MIL said …. ….’How many sausages would you like?’

I said ‘Ooh, I’ll just have one please.’

She said ‘It’s OK, you don’t have to be polite.’

‘Alright,’ I said, ‘I’ll just have one then, you stupid fat hairy cunt”

Yo mama's so fat, when she wears yellow...

I praise the Sun.

Your momma is so fat

That the government had to bail her out because she was too big to fail.

Your mother is so fat and stupid

She came last in the human race

What do you call a fat weatherman that sees a lot of genitalia?

A Meaty Urologist.

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A fat man is urinating in public.

Another man approaches him, disgusted. "Look man, you can't do that here. Everybody can see your penis." "Wow!" is the fat man shocked. "Can you really see my penis?" "Yes, of course, we all can." explains the other man. "In that case please say hello to it for me, I haven't seen it in years."

Why do you never see a fat ninja?

Because fat ninjas are the best ninjas.

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What do you call the fat around an asshole?

A politician

What did the Avacado say to itself in the mirror?

You are 'fat' but you are 'good fat'

When my father started getting ill his doctor told him to cover the back of his legs and his entire back in lots of goose fat

I swear, he really went downhill fast after that

My French friend taught me his family's secret recipe for cooking duck in its own fat

I'm his confidant

Your moma

So fat when she falls from her bed she falls from both sides simultaneously.

The US Marines, Delta Force and the Harris County Sheriff's Department are on one of those team building weekends out in the woods.

The US Marines, Delta Force and the Harris County Sheriff's Department are on one of those team building weekends out in the woods.

First night and the instructor says "Right guys. First night out in the woods! Your first test is to go catch your dinner. I want each team to go out and catch a...

Q: Want to know how can you get rid of 16lb of ugly fat in less than 5 minutes?

A: Cut your head off

Yo mama so fat...

When she needs furniture she goes to a blacksmith.

I read about how in ancient Rome gladiators had a layer of fat to protect them in combat.

I'm gonna start telling people I have the body of a gladiator.

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I was at the bar waiting to finally meet a girl that I'd been chatting with on the internet when I got a tap on the shoulder.

“Are you Steve?" the woman asked with a smile.

“You're fucking gorgeous!" I burst out in delight. "Yes, I am Steve.”

“Great," she replied. "There's some fat bitch over there looking for you!"

Yo momma so fat

she is seven out of ten fattest people I know!

A recent police study found that..

you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

I'm so fat and poor that...

I only have one diabete.

What do you call a man who became fat from eating too much McDonald's?

Big Max

An American, An Indian and a Brazilian were arrested in Brazil

A Brazilian judge senteced them to rounds of whipping, but since the judge was merciful he decided to give all three of them one wish

The judge to the american: You're american, i dislike your people, too many guns and you're too fat, what's your wish?

The American: i want a pillow tie...

Yo mama so fat

When she took her pants to the dry cleaners the lady said, "we don't do curtains."

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Yo mama so fat

Yo mama so fat she butt dialed me from a phone booth.

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Cheerios

Two boys are playing in their room when their mothers calls them for breakfast. The younger brother jumps up excited for breakfast when his older brother stops him, "How old are you?"

"I'm nine."

"Right, and I'm twelve. You're almost double digits and I'm almost a teenager, it is time ...

The wife was looking in the mirror, and remarked how old and fat she was looking.

I said if it's any consolation, your eyesight is still one hundred precent!

I just got out of the doctors office.

Doctor: Don't eat anything fatty.

Me: Like what, burgers and fries?

Dr: No, fatty, don't eat anything.

Mr. Johnson went to his doctor's office to have a physical exam done. The nurse asked, "How tall are you?"

"I'm about six foot two," said Mr. Johnson. The nurse measured him and found that he was only five foot six.

"How much do you weigh?" asked the nurse.

"Around 150 pounds." The nurse weighed him and found that he weighed 200 pounds.

Then she took his blood pressure. "Your blood p...

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I nearly got sacked today, simply for refusing to serve a girl who'd clearly had too many.

The fat cunt complained to my McManager.

What’s the difference between yo mamma and a Walrus?

One is fat, stinks of fish and has a moustache. And the other is a walrus

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