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Fat Jokes

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Yo mama so fat, they did a story on how fat she was on the channel 3 news

I switched to channel 7 and you could still see her ass in the corner of the screen

Yo momma so fat, I pictured her in my head

And she broke my neck.

Yo mama’s so fat

When she skips a meal, the stock market drops.

Yo mama is so fat that…

She needs to wear a watch on both wrists because of time zone difference.

Your momma so fat

A water park hired her to sit in a wading pool and start flapping her thighs together to make waves.

Yo mama is so fat

She went out in high heels, and came back in flip flops

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Yo momma so fat

Vader had to use both his hands to choke the bitch.

Yo momma so fat, it wasn't the stork that brought her

It was the crane!

Yo Mama so fat that when she slid into my DMs….

My phone ran out of space.

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Marco and Luigi are sitting on a park bench

Marco says, "Eh Luigi, you likea de women with de big saggy titties?
Luigi replies, "No, I donna likea de big saggy titties."
Marco thinks and asks, "Eh Luigi, you likea de women wid de big fat belly?
Luigi says, "No Marco, I no likea de big fat belly."
Marco thinks for a second and asks...

Yo mama so fat...

The only scale she could use is the Richter Scale

What do you a call a fat lady who can tell the temperature?

Yourmometer

My wife asked me "do I look fat in these jeans?"

I said "promise not to be mad whatever I say?"

She replied "yes of course!"

I said "I banged your sister".

Yo momma is so fat…

…her car has stretch marks.

Yo mama is so fat…

I know six fat people and she’s 5 of them.

Yo Mama so fat, when she breaks a plate…

It’s usually of the tectonic variety.

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Bob the Mailman

A couple of guys are at the bar. First guy says to his buddy, "My wife just admitted to me that she's been having an affair with Bob the mailman."

"What?" says his buddy. "That fat ugly fucker I see every morning outside your house?"

"That's right," says the first guy.

"Jesus," ...

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I was rolling a cigarette when a guy came up to me and asked me " Do you have a filter?"

"Well, my fat cunt of a wife says i really need to get one", i replied.

Yo Momma is so fat...

When she's walking down the street, cops driving by scream out, "Hey you two --break it up!"

My 9 year old daughter made up this joke. "Why did the bull get fat?"

Because he ate too many cowleries.

Yo momma so fat...

Her blood type is A ... & W

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Why are Japanese people so skinny?

The last time there was a fat man, an entire city blew up.

Yo mama joke I thought of it

Yo mama is so fat and old that she’s still eating from the last supper.





Edit : Jesus Christ this blew up. Didn’t know so many of you had to release yo mamas from your system.

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I watching a weird porn the other day; it was just a fat man crying and wanking at the same time….

then realized I hadn't turned the TV on.

I don't like ladies with fat legs. I don't like ladies with thin legs.

I like something inbetween.

Yo mama so fat she took a bath in the ocean

and ran out of water.

Yo mama so fat that

She uses Macrowave instead of microvave.

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A guy walks in to a psychiatrist's office.

The psychiatrist asks, "What seems to be the problem?"

The guy says, "I just can't seem to make friends with anyone. Can you help me, you fat ugly bastard?"

Yo momma so fat

She jumped up in the air and got stuck.

What's the difference between a compulsive person and a fat person?

One has OCD and the other has OBCD

Yo Mama so fat, You can hide behind her back and still be visible...

Because of Gravitational Lensing.

Ok, you guys are going to have to stop making fun of that fat girl with a lisp

She is thick and tired of it

Your mama is so fat…..

On one edge of her passport photo, it says continued on next page.

Life is like a box of chocolates

**It doesn't last long for fat people**

I can relate to Santa Claus...

I'm old
I'm fat
And no one believes in me

Yo momma so fat...

...when she goes jogging, she leaves potholes.

Yo mama so fat

She has a watch for every time zone she's in,
When she walks past the tv, you miss 8 seasons,
She beat galactus in a planet-eating contest,
Thanos couldn't snap her out of existence,
Flash died before he could do a lap around her
And she ate a black hole because she was hungry

Yo mama is so fat and so old...

...that she's currently rolling over in her gravy.

Why did the internet browser get fat?

It accepted all cookies.

Yo mama so fat

She ate her laptop because the website said it had cookies in it.

We shouldn't make any jokes about fat people.

**They've got enough on their plate already.**

Authenticity for lonely people

So I broke down and called a hooker who advertised "real girlfriend experience". She came in without knocking, told me I was a slob, nagged me to take out the garbage, said I was a loser with no future and criticized me for playing video games for hours. Accused me of cheating on her, ate all my foo...

Yo mama's so fat

when she goes to the beach, Greenpeace shows up to try and drag her back into the ocean.

Ur mama is so fat

I swerved to miss her and my car ran outta gas!!

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Doctor Doctor. I think I'm going deaf.

Can you describe the symptoms?

Yeah.....Homer's a fat bastard and Marge has blue hair.

You moma is so fat...

She needs a boomerang to wear a belt.

Your mama's so fat...

She's got dollars in one pocket and yen in the other.

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An American arrives in Ireland and goes to the nearest pub…

… and walks straight up the bar. It’s busy, and he looks around at the customers. Satisfied, he bellows at the top of his lungs, “I’ve just arrived from America, and I’ve heard tell of how much the Irish drink stout. I’ve got $500 for anyone who can drink ten pints of Guinness in ten minutes or less...

Customer:

What do you have with no fat and no sugar?

Waitress: Napkins..

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There was a kid that was a fussy eater.

There was a kid that was a fussy eater. His father always tried to give him different foods, but he usually avoided the food, or complained that it wasn't to his expectations, making everyone really preoccupied with his health.

Finally, the father asked what he really wanted to eat, and then...

„Honey, I feel so ugly and fat, I really need a compliment from you...“

„Babe, your observation skills are really good.“

The Fate of the World

If I ever have kids I want to name one of them "The Fate of the World", that way when they're born and people come to the hospital and hold them, I can say "The Fate of the World" is in your hands!"

Yo mama's so fat, when she fell...

I didn't laugh, but the ground cracked up

A guy gets on an airplane and finds himself sitting next to a talking duck.

A gorgeous young stewardess comes by and asks the guy and the duck if they would like anything to drink.

"I would like a cup of coffee, please," says the guy.

"And I'd like a can of beer, you ugly pig!" shouts the duck.

The stewardess goes and gets a can of beer for the duck. Bu...

My doctor told me I should avoid trans fats

So I've just deleted my Tumblr.

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Yo' mama is so fat

That she sends me nudes via torrent

Help! I don't know how to tell my girlfriend that she's gotten fat

She now fits perfectly into my wife's clothes.

If a mass of beef fat is 'tallow', and mass of pig fat is 'lard', what is a mass of human fat called?

'American'.

Just kidding, it's actually called 'Yo Momma'.

Yo moma is so fat

She took a driving test, when the examiner said drive through, she responded with, I'll take 5 big macs, 20 mcnuggets, and a large coke.

Yo mama so fat...

...she had an heart attack while running an app.

I'm so fat, that when I went through airport security they didn't strip search me...

They burlesque searched me.

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Mary had a little pig, She kept it fat and plastered;

And when the price of pork went up,

She shot the little bastard.

What do you call a fat baby?

Heavy infantry

My doctor told me to stay away from trans fats...

But it's 2017 and I'll date who I want

What do you call a fat psychic?

A four-chin teller

The guys at the gym called me a fat loser ...

It's really great how they notice my effort.

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“It’s fat” says the doctor. “No, I just have a digestive problem. This weight just won’t go through” says the overweight patient

“It’s fat and your full of shit” he says

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[NSFW] A fat guy decides to lose some weight

He heard that a company is running a special weight-loss program. Curious, he decided to sign up for a session.

He is taken to a basketball court. Standing in the middle of the court is a naked woman with a sign around her neck.

"If you catch me, you can fuck me in the ass."

Th...

Your mama so fat…….

When she stepped on the scale, it said one at a time please.

Yo mama so fat...

her carbon footprint turned to diamond.

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