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Fat Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yo mama so fat, they did a story on how fat she was on the channel 3 news

I switched to channel 7 and you could still see her ass in the corner of the screen

You shouldn't make fun of fat people.

They've got enough on their plates already.
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Yo momma so fat, I pictured her in my head

And she broke my neck.
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Yo mama’s so fat

When she skips a meal, the stock market drops.
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Yo mama is so fat that…

She needs to wear a watch on both wrists because of time zone difference.
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Your momma so fat

A water park hired her to sit in a wading pool and start flapping her thighs together to make waves.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What should you reply when a bully asks you ''Why are you so fat?

Everytime i fuck your mom she gives me a cookie.

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.

I said, "Nice legs."

The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."

I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
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Yo Mama so fat that when she slid into my DMs….

My phone ran out of space.
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Yo mamas so fat....

She starts the alphabet with O B C D
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Your momma is so fat....

Your momma is so fat that when she accepts website cookies they run out.
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Your mama is so fat…..

On one edge of her passport photo, it says continued on next page.
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Not saying my Ex was fat

But it took a year for my memory foam mattress to forget her.
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Yo momma so fat, it wasn't the stork that brought her

It was the crane!
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What do you call a fat psychic?

A four chin teller.
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What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?

A mass murderer
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Yo mama so fat

She has a watch for every time zone she's in,
When she walks past the tv, you miss 8 seasons,
She beat galactus in a planet-eating contest,
Thanos couldn't snap her out of existence,
Flash died before he could do a lap around her
And she ate a black hole because she was hungry
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Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won't notice. Call a girl fat once and she'll never forget...

Because elephants never forget.
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Do you know why I don't make fat jokes?

Because they wouldn't be appreciated by the wider audience.
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Yo momma so fat

I tried driving around her and ran out of gas.

When she steps on a scale it says 'please, one at a time'
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Yo mama's so fat

she went out in high heels and came back in flip flops
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Yo mama so fat

Every time she's about to jump in the pool God says: "Noah, get the boat NOW"
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Yo mama so fat

her pronouns are Hershey
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Yo momma is so fat…

…her car has stretch marks.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Speaking of a big fat butt!

A girl takes her big fat cat to the vet.

"My cat is very fat,” she says.

"Alright," says the vet. "I will look at him."

The vet picks up the cat and examines its teeth. Then she looks at its eyes. Then into its ears.

Finally, she turns to the girl and says, “I'm very sorr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was watching a porno and it was just this fat dude crying and jerking off

then I realised I hadn't turned my computer on yet

Yo Mama So Fat

When she takes a bath she doesn't use any water and it still overflows!
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Yo Momma is so fat...

When she's walking down the street, cops driving by scream out, "Hey you two --break it up!"
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Yo Mama so fat, when she breaks a plate…

It’s usually of the tectonic variety.
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A lot of people are pretty upset about "fat shaming" jokes these days

Maybe they need to lighten up
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I was going to make a fat joke

It didn't work out.
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Yo momma is so fat ...

She took a jump in the pool, they found water on Mars.
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Yo mama so fat

she outta breath from taking the escalator.
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Yo Mama So Fat...

She went skydiving and got stuck.
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Yo mama so fat...

The only scale she could use is the Richter Scale
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Fat shaming is wrong.

They have enough on their plate already.
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Yo mama so fat. . .

I swerved my car to avoid hitting her and ran out of gas.
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My wife asked me "do I look fat in these jeans?"

I said "promise not to be mad whatever I say?"

She replied "yes of course!"

I said "I banged your sister".
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Yo mama so fat

she looked at the menu and said OK
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Your mom is so fat

Your mom is so fat that, a group of people started believing that your mom is actually flat.

[EDIT] OMG, thanks for the Platinum
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How can you tell your girlfriend is getting fat?

She fits in your wife’s clothes
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Yo mama so fat

When she fell I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some jerk took all my money, called me fat, then stabbed me in the arm.

I hate doctor's appointments.

Yo mamma so fat

Her favourite soccer team is Hamburg
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How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?

Add a nipple to it.
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I wish I could see what it was like to be fat for just one day.

I'm tired of being fat every day.
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Yo momma is so vegan and fat...

..that she ate a meal and got arrested for deforestation.
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I said to a fat girl today...

I said to a fat girl today,

"You're a big girl!"

She replied, "Tell me something I don't know."

I said, "Salad tastes nice"
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My buddies always ask me how I can get fat girls to bed so quick.

I tell them t’s easy, just a piece of cake
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So was at a bar last night and saw this fat chick wearing a shirt that said, "caution, I'm a maneater".

I walked up to the girl and timidly said, "excuse me, Miss... about your shirt"

She interrupted me before I could continue and furiously shouted; "Oh let me guess, you're here to make a comment about how I'm so fat and how I actually eat men.. I can't help my weight you know. I have feelings...
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My 9 year old daughter made up this joke. "Why did the bull get fat?"

Because he ate too many cowleries.
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Why are rich british people fat?

because they measure their wealth in pounds

Edit: Remember this is just a joke, don't be too offended.
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Yo momma's so fat

She uses the highway as a water slide
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There once was a criminal that was so so fat...

That not even the police could surround him
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Yo mama was so fat

It takes a week to mow her burial plot.
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Yo momma so fat...

Her blood type is A ... & W
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Finally my winter fat is gone

Now I have spring rolls
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fat man wants to lose weight...

A fat man is looking for a way to lose weight. He has already tried all kinds of slimming diets and fitness programs, but they didn't work for him. One day, he comes across an ad that says: "New revolutionary method - weight loss 100% guaranteed. Satisfied or your money back!"
He thinks: "Since ...

Your mom is so fat

Her school picture from first grade is still printing
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Yo Momma so fat.......

When she travels by bus, it becomes a cab.
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Yo mama's so fat

when she sat on a memory foam it forgot
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What do you call a group of fat babies ?

Heavy Infantry
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Why do you never see a fat ninja?

Because fat ninjas are the best ninjas.
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My mother-in-law is visiting. I'm not saying she's fat, but...

when we hung her panties out to dry, we lost an hour of daylight.
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Yo mama so fat

when she eats Taco Bell, she gets the walks.
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Fat Girls

Last night I was having some wings and beer with a coworker after work. There were these two pretty, but kinda fat girls drinking at the bar and being loud. They had what I could have sworn was a Scottish accent.

I'm a big fan of girls from the UK, so I struck up a conversation. I asked them,...
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Why do vampires never get fat?

They eat necks to nothing
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What do you call two fat people raising a child?

Unfit parents.
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My friend gets offended when people tell fat jokes.

I told her to lighten up.
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Yo momma, she so fat...

there's people on the internet who believe she's flat, not round.
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I tried to start a business offering balloon rides for fat people

But it never got off the ground.
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How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat?

She starts fitting in your wife's clothes.

(Old joke, I know, just heard it though, made me laugh.)
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I’m not fat

I’m doing this on purpose, I plan to lose all this weight and then with the saggy skin I’ll be able to have my own wing suit, just like a flying squirrel.
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Hey Doctor, any idea why I seem to be so attracted to fat girls?

That'd be gravity, my boy.
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Yo mama's so fat

When she goes to the beach the tide comes in, but she's so ugly that it goes back out

[Edit] typo
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've had enough of Christmas. All year long I work my fingers to the bone to buy all the presents that my kids ask for and what happens Christmas morning? That fat fucker with the beard gets all the credit for it!

Still I suppose it was my fault for marrying her.

Yo mama's so fat

Her nose can't even run




Came up with this myself and was quite proud
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How do you get a fat girl into bed?

Piece of cake.
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My doctor advised me to stay away from trans fats.

I guess I should really get off Tumblr
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I bought a porn DVD today and all I could see was a dark image of some fat cunt sitting there holding his cock.

Then I realised the telly wasn't on.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wife asks her husband if her outfit makes her butt look fat

The husband asks “Do you promise not to get mad, no matter what I say?”

She says ok

He says “I ate all your chocolate and fucked your mother”

A fat man sees a sign on a door: lose 1 pound for $1...

He puts a dollar in the slot and enters. There is a jogging track with a beautiful naked woman wearing jogging shoes. "Better start running" she says, beckoning him. Excited, he chases her around the track for an hour. Finally he catches her, she... ahem... rewards him... then he steps on the scale....
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What would they call the Witcher if he got fat?

Geralt the Wide Wolf.
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Call a girl beautiful 1,000 times and she'll never notice. Call a girl fat once and she'll never forget it.

That's because elephants never forget.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife is so fat that when she booked a flight they made her have 2 seats.

She was pissed off until I mentioned that she would get 2 meals

If a mass of beef fat is 'tallow', and mass of pig fat is 'lard', what is a mass of human fat called?

'American'.

Just kidding, it's actually called 'Yo Momma'.

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I'm either pregnant, or I'm getting fat.

Either way, a good set of stairs should solve my problem.
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My friend told me about a wonder food that he discovered that contains protein, fiber, and good fats

"That's nuts!" I exclaimed.
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I’m not saying your mother is fat

but whenever she falls over, she rocks herself to sleep trying to get back up.
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Guys come on, we shouldn't give fat people such a hard time.

They have enough on their plate already.
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Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?”

Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”
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Yo momma so fat

her tailor uses mattress sizes
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Why are there so many fat demons?

Because they hate exorcising.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and his wife were getting dressed for a big event. After putting on her dress, she asked her husband, "does this dress make my ass look fat?"

The husband sighed, and asked his wife, "Honey, do you promise me you won't get mad, no matter how I answer?"

His wife said, "I promise, I'll never bring it up again."

The husband looked her over and said, "I fucked your sister."

Your mama's so fat...

She's got dollars in one pocket and yen in the other.
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Yo Mama’s so fat.

There’s flat mama theories about her.
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Yo mama's so fat...

...she has to upgrade her data plan every time she sends a selfie.
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why didnt the fat kid go trick or treating?

he was afraid he would get some snickers
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Yo mamma so fat... if she was murdered her chalk outline would be a circle..

I know it's not mine. But just heard it for the first time the other day. Made me smile. What is your favorite yo mamma jokes? Would love to read them
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Yo momma's so fat that objects 5 meters away accelerate at 1 m/s^2 toward her. What is yo momma's mass if G = 6.67x10^-11Nm^2/kg^2?

Please, someone help me, I can't solve it and it's making me nuts.
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Your mother is so fat

nobody can be 2 metres away from her.
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Yo mama so FAT

She can't store files larger than 4 GB.
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Yo momma so fat...

...when she goes jogging, she leaves potholes.
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I don't like ladies with fat legs. I don't like ladies with thin legs.

I like something inbetween.
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Yo mama so fat...

When she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.


Gimme your best yo mama jokes.
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