A lot of people are pretty upset about "fat shaming" jokes these days

Maybe they need to lighten up

How do you get a fat chick into bed?

Piece of cake.

So was at a bar last night and saw this fat chick wearing a shirt that said, "Caution, I'm a maneater". I walked up to the girl and timidly said, "Excuse me, Miss...about your shirt."

She interrupted me before I could continue and furiously shouted, "Oh let me guess, you're here to make a comment about how I'm so fat and how I actually eat men. I can't help my weight you know. I have feelings too and your comments can really hurt."

I looked at her, confused and said,"That'...

Girls, beware of fats guys

They just want to get into your pantries

Yo Mama so fat

I swerved to avoid her in the road and ran out of gas

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Wife: Does this dress make me look fat? Me: You promise not to get mad no matter what I say? Wife: Yes

Me: I fucked your sister

If I'm fat but identify as slim

Does that mean I am trans slender?

A fat man was standing in front of a kindergarten

One of the teachers comes and asks him:

"Are you expecting a child?"

"No. I am a bit fat that's all"

I was going to make a fat joke

It didn't work out.

What does a fat white woman and a pile of bricks have in common?

Sooner or later they will both get laid by a Mexican.

I tried to lose weight but I'm still fat

Didnt work out

Why is Kim Jong-Un so fat?

Because he never had to run for office.

What do you call a 350 lb fat woman with short arms?

Someone who can't wipe.

Fat people start their alphabet with the letter "o"


It’s almost that time of year when the fat beardy person comes round to give all the kids their Christmas presents....

Man I hate it when the mother-in-law is in town.

What is it called when the fat kid does karate?

Pork Chops

I have seen a lot of fat jokes here recently, and we should be nicer to them.

They have enough on their plates as it is

A fat man sees a sign on a door: lose 1 pound for $1...

He puts a dollar in the slot and enters. There is a jogging track with a beautiful naked woman wearing jogging shoes. "Better start running" she says, beckoning him. Excited, he chases her around the track for an hour. Finally he catches her, she... ahem... rewards him... then he steps on the scale....

Why did the chef slather his sofa in duck fat?

He wanted to make it more confit

What do you call a fat psychic?

A four-chin teller.

Your mom is so fat she starts the alphabet with the letter "O"...

O B C D...

Yo momma so fat

You took a picture of her on an empty sd card and it said memory full

My mate says I'm getting fat, but in my defence...

...I've had a lot on my plate lately.

What do you call two fat people having a conversation?

A heavy discussion

How to burn 3500 calories ( a pound of fat) in your sleep!

Sleep for 55 hours.

What do you call a Fat person marrying your daughter?

Your future ton in law

How can you tell your girlfriend is getting fat?

She fits in your wife’s clothes

You shouldn’t make fun of fat people

They have enough on their plates already.

How does a fat Jedi get their robes on?

By Force

Yo mama is so fat

When she passed by the TV I missed two episodes

Saw a fat chick wearing a shirt that said “guess”

So I said about 340, now she wants to fight

Your mama so fat...

She won a free carnival cruise and the Sea Shepards attacked.

I used to be Fat and rejected, but then I thought things had to change so I went to the gym every day for 6 months and I got fit. And now I am

Just Rejected!!!!

Your mom is so fat...

...that a group of people started believing she was actually flat.

Yo momma so fat...

She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.

What do you call a fat mockingbird?

two kilo mocking bird

Your mama is so fat

that by the time she turned around her biological clock ran out!

I told a suicide bomber she looked fat

Boy, that really blew up in my face.

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?

Add a nipple to it.

Why are cannibals always so fat?

They can't eat healthy, they run too fast.

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I saw a fat woman standing at the bus stop.

I asked her when is it due?, she then went into a right rage and said I am not pregnant you ignorant Bastard. I said I was on about the bus you fat cow.

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Me: I'm so fat I can't even see my dick

Gf: Then I must be fat too!

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85% of women say their ass is too fat, 10% say their ass is too skinny

The other 5% say he’s my husband and I accept him how he is

How do you get rid of fat demons?

With a treadmill. You exercise them.

I have lots of jokes to tell about fat people and doors

But they just never seem to fit

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Why are there no fat people in Japan

Because last time there was a fat man, 80,000 people died

As a fat guy, I tend to avoid wearing skinny jeans.

I find it difficult to pull it off.

My wife looked into the mirror and said "I feel fat and it's making me depressed."

"Well then," I replied "stop touching it."

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That milkman just called me a fat bitch!

How dairy!

“ Yo momma so fat ...

..her fart caused the Big Bang! “

* overheard neighbour’s kids and I chuckled!*

I was molested at fat camp

but I think I was asking for it because my clothes were so tight.

-Jessica Kirson

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Dylan was practicing his golf swing in his front yard when he swung a little too hard and sent the ball through his neighbors window.

Dylan ran over and rang the doorbell three times. After no one answered for a few minutes, he opened the door to see broken glass everywhere, a lamp lying on the ground, and a huge fat Arabian man wearing a turban sitting on the couch.

Dylan asked, "Who are you?"

The fat man replied,...

Yo' mama so fat...

when she wears high heels, she strikes oil.

Fat-Pride movement is the only movement...

Without movement.

Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?" Husband: ...

"You have perfect eyesight."

Yo mamma's so fat...

if she wrote a book about herself it would be an autogeography.

I asked my husband if I looked fat

His answer was, “Do I look stupid?”

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My wife just asked me if she looked fat..

This literally just happened...

My wife asked me if she looked fat after eating the biggest meal of our lives.

I said "no honey, you look great".

She said "Well you have to say that. If you didn't, I would have to kill you"

Apparently "I'd like to see your fat ass try" wa...

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What should you reply when a bully asks you ''Why are you so fat?''

''Everytime i fuck your mom she gives me a cookie.''

Yo mamas sooo FAT

When God said “let there be light” he told her to move out of the way!

Dog furries aren’t fat

Their just a little husky

My fat friend admitted that I was less in need of a diet than him.

I said "that's very big of you."

Say what you will about Americans being fat and lazy...

but active shooters are always determined, dedicated, and in shape.

Yo mama so fat

She put on a pair of BVDs and it spelled boulevard. I'm sorry. I know yo mama jokes are old. But not as old as yo mama!

Your friend say they are fat but they are really 120 pounds so you ask in what world are they fat?

A third world.

My gf asks me,"Honey,do these pants make me look fat?"

"No"I said,"Your fat makes you look fat"

And that's when the fight started

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Is watching this awful show about a fat, naked man masturbating

And then I realised that my TV wasn't turned on.

Why are fat people better?

They XL at everything they do.

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Fat ass

Doctor: It looks like you are pregnant
Boy: seriously?? Am I
Doctor: No,but it looks like you are ..

A fat priest didn’t get invited to a night party

Fat Priest: I’ll just make it day then to ruin it. Let there be light!!!

God: ....

Fat Priest: I said let there be light!!!!!

God: ....

Fat Priest: LET THERE BE LIGHT!!!!!

God: I heard you the first time, you just gotta move out of the way. You’re blocking the sun.

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I bought a porn DVD today and all I could see was a dark image of some fat cunt sitting there holding his cock.

Then I realised the telly wasn't on.

Yo momma is so vegan and fat...

..that she ate a meal and got arrested for deforestation.

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Bob the mailman

A couple of guys are at the bar. First guy says to his buddy, "My wife just admitted to me that she's having an affair with Bob the mailman."

"What?" says his buddy. "That fat ugly fucker I see every morning outside your house?"

"That's right," says the first guy.

"Jesus," says ...

What does a fat train say?

A chubba chubba chew chew

You should always be nice to fat people

There's more of them.

I was behind a fat girl in tight jeans at the supermarket checkout...

Her label said “Guess?”

I said, “ Oh I don’t know, 450 pounds?”

If you call a girl fat, she'll always remember.

Because elephants never forget

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Last time my wife asked me if she looked fat, ...

I sighed and said, "Honey, if I tell you the truth, do you promise not to be mad?" She rolled her eyes, but agreed. So I said, "I've been fucking your sister."

According to my wife, I'm a terrible dad for not treating my kids equally.

I just don't understand it. I love James, Nicole and the fat, ugly one all the same.

Im fat but i identify as skinny

Im trans-slender

AITA for telling "Yo mama so fat" jokes to my friend

I may be overreacting but its been over a week since her funeral and hes not talking to me

I married Mr Take's daughter, who was fat

It was a big mistake

Yo mama is so fat

the tv show My 600lb Life needed to do a two hour special.

A Wall Street accountant asked me if she is too fat for her suit.

I told her she’s too big to fail.

Why are fat people always friends with other fat people?

I guess you could say they just gravitate towards eachother

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John was a very fat guy who was sick of being ridiculed all the time.

So he decided to do something to reduce his weight. Next morning he found an advertisement in the newspaper claiming to help him lose weight quickly. Intrigued, he called them and asked for the plans available.
The operator told him that there are three plans
"10 pounds in a week"
"20 po...

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A fat billionaire was found dead in his mansion

They're saying the butter did it

Did you hear about the fat man who gave money to a piano player?

He really tipped the scales.

Yo mama's so fat...

her wedding music was the jurassic park theme

A fat women falls through the floor of her apartment whilst reading the news.

She must be a fast reader as she’s already gone through 10 stories.

Yo mama so fat...

Her blood type is crisco positive

Yo mama so fat

There's an entire movement that thinks she's flat.

A fat weatherman who enjoys watch collecting?

I’d call him a meaty horologist

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I had sex with a fat chick last night but I was really nervous...

There was a lot riding on me.

Yo momma so fat..

She broke the branch in her family tree!

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A man and his wife were getting dressed for a big event. After putting on her dress, she asked her husband, "does this dress make my ass look fat?"

The husband sighed, and asked his wife, "Honey, do you promise me you won't get mad, no matter how I answer?"

His wife said, "I promise, I'll never bring it up again."

The husband looked her over and said, "I fucked your sister."

I went to the doctor and he said you have the blood pressure of a 14 year old kid

I said great. He said, not so great, a 14 year old *American* child. You got four months to live.

Kids are so fat these days the first letters they learn in the alphabet are not ABC, it's KFC.

Kids are so fat these days they use cheat codes to play Pokemon Go.

Kids are so fat th...

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