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I was watching a porno and it was just this fat dude crying and jerking off

then I realised I hadn't turned my computer on yet

Fat shaming is wrong.

They have enough on their plate already

I walked in a pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on the table

I said:nice legs
And she said:You really think so?
I said: Yes, other tables would have collapsed by now

How can you tell your girlfriend is getting fat?

She starts fitting into your wife’s clothes.

My doctor told me I was fat

I told him I want a second opinion.


So he told me I’m ugly, too.

I would make a joke about how yo mama so fat...

But we shouldn't talk about the elephant in the room.

How do you get a fat person into bed?

Piece of cake

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A fat women was riding her bike very fast down a hill in the country near my home, I yelled out "COW" the bitch gave me the finger

She ploughed straight into the cow.......tried warning her

Tell a girl she's beautiful one hundred times and she'll not believe you. Tell her once she's fat and she'll always remember

Because elephants never forget

Not saying my Ex was fat

But it took a year for my memory foam mattress to forget her.

It doesn't matter whether you are tall, short, fat, thin, rich, poor; at the end of the day...

It's night.

Yo momma so fat...

She is considered a carbohydrate based life form.

Your mama's so fat...

...they call her missionary impossible.

People be like I am fat because my mother cooks good food...

...I am like I am single because I have strong hands.

Wife to husband: “Did I get fat during quarantine?”

Husband replies: “you weren’t really that skinny to be begin with!”

Time of death: 11:00pm
Cause of death: Covid-19

I have seen a lot of fat jokes recently, and I honestly think we should be nicer to them.

They have enough on their plates as it is.

What do you call a fat person in Europe?

An American tourist

A fat man meets a skinny man

The fat man tells the skinny man: "when people look at you, they think the world's starving to death"

And the skinny man responds: "when they look at you, they know why"

How do you make a few lbs of fat look good?

Put a nipple on it.

Your mom is so fat

That she doesn’t need the internet because she’s already worldwide

A fat man goes into a fast food restaurant and orders his food. The cashier says that it will be a minute or two for his food. Finally his food is ready. The cashier hands the food to the fat guy and tells him,

"Sorry about your weight."

I ran over a fat girl today

She asked me why I didn’t go around her.

I said I didn’t think I’d have enough gas.

Yo mama so fat....

... she gave her memory-foam mattress to Goodwill and they sold it as a flying saucer.

The fat acceptance movement is the only movement

Without movement.

I'm not fat!

I'm just height-challenged.

If I had a dollar for every girl that thought I looked too fat,

By now, they’d think I looked pretty good.

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Years ago I used to work at the circus and we had some wonderful acts I remember the fat tattooed lady..

Now they're fucking everywhere...

The son comes home crying and tells his mother "the lady next door hit me!". So the mother goes over and asks why she hit her and the lady replies "your son called me fat!". To which the mother replies...

"...and you think you'll lose weight by hitting him?"

You shouldn't fat shame people.

But to be truthful, they won't come running after you.

So was at a bar last night and saw this fat chick wearing a shirt that said, "Caution, I'm a maneater". I walked up to the girl and timidly said, "Excuse me, Miss...about your shirt."

She interrupted me before I could continue and furiously shouted, "Oh let me guess, you're here to make a comment about how I'm so fat and how I actually eat men. I can't help my weight you know. I have feelings too and your comments can really hurt."

I looked at her, confused and said,"That'...

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A fat man goes to a unique Health Centre that advertises weight loss and sex.

Intrigued by the ad, he goes in and asks the receptionist what this is all about.
She replies 'Well sir, it's exactly as we said, we have several formula and you can lose weight and have sex'
'Oh my' he says 'Let me try the first option then'
'Fair enough, that will be the door on your l...

Yoh mama so fat that when she buys a fur coat...

a whole specie of animal is gonna become extinct.

In which city do fat people stay?

Obesity.

It gets me very angry to see people fat-shaming

Please guys, they have enough on their plate already

Yo mama so FAT

She can't store files larger than 4 GB.

Fat-free French fries

A boy read a restaurant sign that advertised fat-free French fries.

“Sounds great,” said the health-conscious boy. He ordered some.

He watched as the cook pulled a basket of fries from the fryer. The potatoes were dripping with oil when the cook put them into the container.

...

When telling a fat man to lose weight you should not sugar coat it

Because he will eat that too

I’ve got plenty of fat friends.

Well, only 2 but it seems like more.

Never ever call a lady fat!

Because elephants don't forget.

Why doesn't Bernie Sanders like low-fat milk?

It's the one percent.

What's fat, orange and that everyone avoids?

A traffic cone.

*what did you expect?*

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What did the infomercial actor say after realizing he was getting fat?

Butt weight, there's more!

Yo mama soooo fat

When she jumped into the pool, nasa found water on Mars.

What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?

Fat. You get fat.



You were expecting a joke about pi? On my cake day?

Fats Domino died after falling onto another family member...

Who fell onto another family member, Who fell onto another family member, Who fell onto another family member, Who fell onto another family member...

People seem to really hate fat...

everywhere I go, I get people saying

Sorry for the weight.

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A wife is tired of all the problems that need fixing in her house

She asks her husband, "Can you please fix the leak in the bathroom? ", the husband says "Do i look like a plumber?"

She asks him "Well can you please fix the light in the living room, its been flickering for ages?", he replies "Do i look like and electrician?"

Growing tired she asks hi...

An fat old man lying in bed calls in the nurse...

A polite woman rushes in to the aid of the obese man who has been placed on a strict diet.

"I'm pregnant!" he declares. "With an elephant!"

The old man start rubbing his bloated belly in large circles.

"How interesting... Elephants are pregnant for 2 years you know" says the nur...

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Fat Joe is having trouble losing weight and he hears about a new extreme workout.

He goes to the place and the man in charge leads him to a large circular room in which is a naked, beautiful woman with sign on her that reads "If you catch me, you can fuck me."

After many long tries, he eventually loses weight, catches her, and gets to enjoy a bit of the old in-out, in-out....

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Early one morning a fat kid was sitting in an airport terminal eating a giant size candy bar.

An older man strolled by and saw the boy.

He stopped abruptly and asked "Hey kid, do you think it's a good idea to be eating a giant candy bar for breakfast?"

The boy replied "I don't know, but my grandpappy lived to be 102 years old."

The old man said "I'm sure he did, but he ...

What do u call a fat girls stalker?

A whale watcher

Why are demons fat.

Because they hate exorcising.

Your momma's so fat...

... no one can socially distance her.

Joe mama so fat

She disproved Flat earthers by being round and flatter than earth

why didnt the fat kid go trick or treating?

he was afraid he would get some snickers

Yo momma so fat...

...it took three days to find you after your birth

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Yo mama so fat...

...She been butt dialing people since the days of rotary phones!

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Yo’ mamma so fat

She needs to lift the seat to poop.

Yo momma so fat

Your father left the house just so he could be far enough to see her entirely.

I knew I was fat

When I couldn't tell if I had sauce or blood on my hands.

My girlfriend says I'm getting fat.

To be honest, I've had a lot on my plate recently.

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Why does Japan have a low obesity rate?

Because last time there was a fat man 80,000 people died

If you didn't get fat in college you weren't doing it right

They tell you right from day 1 that your goal is to become well rounded

Your British momma is so fat...

people think she is an American.

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You know you’re fat when your piss smells like gravy.

You know you’re really fat when it tastes like gravy.

Yo mama so fat

She can tip the scales without touching them because her weight is AoE

What’s a fat person’s favorite video game?

Space Invaders

What do you call a fat psychic?

A four-chin teller.

Guys asks his friend if he's fat.

His friend replies: "man, I know 5 fat people and you're 4 of them"

A Doctor tells his patient that it’s okay to smoke, drink, be fat, etc

Patient: But isn’t that bad?

Doctor: That’s why I have the highest patient return rate.

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A fat guy decides to lose some weight

He heard that a company is running a special weight-loss program. Curious, he decided to sign up for a session.


He is taken to a basketball court. Standing in the middle of the court is a naked woman with a sign around her neck.


"If you catch me, you can fuck me in the ass....

Yo mama so fat

When she steps on a scale it says “To be continued”

A lot of people are pretty upset about "fat shaming" jokes these days

Maybe they need to lighten up

Yo mamas so fat

She can steal from Costco

Is my mom fat?

Your mama's so fat
she heard the weatherman say it was chili outside she grabbed a bowl and spoon and ran out the door

Doctor, doctor

A man goes into the doctors and says "doctor doctor I think I'm going deaf" and the doctor says "can you describe the symptoms" and he says "yes, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair"

How much fat does a TaunTaun have?

Just enough to keep lukewarm

Yo momma so fat

the only date she can get is a windows update.

Im not saying my ex girlfriend was fat

But all my thoughts revolve around her

How did the vegetarian get so fat when he only ate vegetables?

He worked at a hospital.

My wife asked me "Is it just me or is the cat getting fat?"

Apparently "No it's just you" wasn't the right answer.

Yo mama so fat, the only way she gets clean

is during a meteor shower

Yo mama so fat...

She went to the beach and the lifeguard said “madam, could you please leave the beach, the tides waiting to come in”

Where do you find fat students and faculty?

In the hippocampus.

Yo mama's so fat...

She achieved herd immunity by herself.

Why was the big fat guy good at making decisions?

He could trust his gut

Your mother is so fat

She cannot do social distancing.

Yo mama so fat...

When she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.


Gimme your best yo mama jokes.

Wife: I look fat.Can you give me a compliment?

Husband: You have perfect eyesight.

Yo mama so fat,

When she stubs her toe, her forehead ripples.

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Wife: Does this dress make me look fat? Me: You promise not to get mad no matter what I say? Wife: Yes

Me: I fucked your sister

I thought my jokes about fat people would be great for this sub

but none of them worked out.

What do u call a fat bee?

A chubee

Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on Daddy's stomach last night?

-I have to do that or Daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny.


-That's not going to work.


-Why not?


-Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up.

Your mama so fat

When she wears heels she finds oil

Your mother is so fat

nobody can be 2 metres away from her.

I told a joke about a fat man and a little boy once

Didn’t really expect it to blow up like it did

(Sorry if someone’s made this joke before)

Yo mama's so fat...

... she caught a flesh eating disease and the doctor gave her ten years to live.

My cat is really fat and chubby

Most people would call her “fubby” but french people would call her “chat”

A fat old man looks at himself in the mirror.

His insecurity rises. He’s not the same man he once was. He’s an old chunk of coal. Why, in high school he was a major athlete- the football type. All the girls wanted him and everyone respected him. He was a hunk. As he stared into this mirror now a some odd fifty years later- the juxtaposition of ...

Yo momma so fat

She has to wear a pillow case as a face mask

Money is like fat.

There's enough of both. Just in the wrong place.

A few years ago I called my mother in law fat and she still resents me for it

I should’ve known that an elephant never forgets.

I'm not saying my neighbor's dog is fat

But she's more than a little husky.

Why did 6 call 9 fat?

Because 9 always 8 4 2.

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A fat businessman joins a gym... [NSFW]

As he emerges from the shower in the locker room one of the trainers notices him toweling off.

"You must be a new member here", the trainer says. "What caused you to join our gym?"

"Well," says the businessman, "I've been getting out of shape for so long, I realized one day that it's b...

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