Yo mama so fat

Before she was buried the earth was flat

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Early one morning a fat kid was sitting in an airport terminal eating a giant size candy bar.

An older man strolled by and saw the boy.

He stopped abruptly and asked "Hey kid, do you think it's a good idea to be eating a giant candy bar for breakfast?"

The boy replied "I don't know, but my grandpappy lived to be 102 years old."

The old man said "I'm sure he did, but he ...

Want to know how to get a fat girl in bed?

It’s a piece of cake

Your mother is so fat

nobody can be 2 metres away from her.

So was at a bar last night and saw this fat chick wearing a shirt that said, "Caution, I'm a maneater". I walked up to the girl and timidly said, "Excuse me, Miss...about your shirt."

She interrupted me before I could continue and furiously shouted, "Oh let me guess, you're here to make a comment about how I'm so fat and how I actually eat men. I can't help my weight you know. I have feelings too and your comments can really hurt."

I looked at her, confused and said,"That'...

Yo mama's so fat...

... she caught a flesh eating disease and the doctor gave her ten years to live.

My wife asked me "Is it just me or is the cat getting fat?"

Apparently "No it's just you" wasn't the right answer.

Yo mama so fat

The photo I took with her on xmass is still printing

Yo mama’s so fat that when you were born...

They had to send in a search party!

A fat girl was wearing a T-Shirt that said "Guess" on it

So I walk up to her and say "385"

My gf asked me if her dress made her look fat

I replied no it’s not the dress

Relationships are like fat people

most of of them dont work out

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[NSFW] A fat guy decides to lose some weight

He heard that a company is running a special weight-loss program. Curious, he decided to sign up for a session.

He is taken to a basketball court. Standing in the middle of the court is a naked woman with a sign around her neck.

"If you catch me, you can fuck me in the ass."

Th...

I thought my jokes about fat people would be great for this sub

but none of them worked out.

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A fat businessman joins a gym... [NSFW]

As he emerges from the shower in the locker room one of the trainers notices him toweling off.

"You must be a new member here", the trainer says. "What caused you to join our gym?"

"Well," says the businessman, "I've been getting out of shape for so long, I realized one day that it's b...

I organized a "Fat Lives Matter" march. We all got very tired...

I can't breathe.

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Yo mama so fat

That when she enters a room her belly button gets there 5 minutes before she does

What do you call a fat psychic?

A four-chin teller.

Why is Kim Jung Un so fat?

Because he never had to run for office

As a fat guy, I tend to avoid wearing skinny jeans.

I find it very difficult to pull it off.

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I was watching a really weird porno yesterday, it was a fat man wanking and crying..

Then i realised i hadn't switched the tv on...

Yo mama's so fat...

...she gotta stay 12 feet away!

Don’t make fun of fat people

They already have enough on their plate

Why do Americans become fat by choice?

So they can add more bullets to their ammo belt.

The past tense of fat is

fit.

"Honey, do I look fat ?"

Asked the wife as she stood in front of the mirror.

"No, not at all..", the husband replied, "You look fabulous !!"

Wife, blushing, "Really ! Will you carry me to the fridge ? I want to eat some ice cream.. "

Husband, now visibly scared; "Don't you worry babe, just relax here ! ...

Yo mama’s so fat

that when Spider-man was saving her from falling off a building, he had to use the world-wide-web.

Your mom is so fat

Your mom is so fat, when she walked by I missed the whole episode

My winter fat is gone...

... now I have spring rolls.

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Did you hear about those 2 fat people having sex in the elevator?

It was wrong on so many levels

Yo mama so fat

The avengers hired her for her ability to be everywhere at once!

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What do you call two fat people having sex?

Missionary impossible

A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was more polite...

Skinny guy : I am more polite as I always tip my hat to ladies.

Fat guy : I am more courteous because, whenever I get up and offer my seat, 2 ladies can sit

Fat acceptance is the only movement

without movement

Your mama is so fat...

When she wants to eat some hot wings an ostrich must die

Yo mama so fat

1 photo of her takes more space than your "homework folder"

Your Momma is so fat...

...that she and the 2 guys DPing her are obeying social distancing guidelines.

Wife: Did I get fat during quarantine?

Husband: You were never really that skinny

Time of death: 26/4/20 11:31am

Cause of death: Corona virus.

Your momma is soooo fat.....

she violates the social distance recommendations all by herself!

What can make 5 lbs of fat look good?

Nipples.

A fat man and a little boy walk into a bar,

One falls over. Kaboom kaboom

My girlfriend asked me if shes getting fat or looked pregnant

I said it doesn't matter, I'm still leaving you

What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake?

Fat. You get fat.

What? Like I would make a pie joke on my cake day?

What does a fat communist have?

Stretch Marx

Me and a co worker were cremating a fat person.

My coworker said “ I wonder how many calories we are burning”.

My wife: "Are you calling me fat?"

Me: "No, no! I'm just saying that lately I feel more attracted to you."

Your mother is so fat

That she was sent home for gathering in a public place

Fat people are great. It just means there's more of them to love.

Said the cannibal.

Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?”

Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”

A lot of people are pretty upset about "fat shaming" jokes these days

Maybe they need to lighten up

How can you tell your girlfriend is getting fat?

She fits in your wife's clothes.

Yo mama's so fat

She can't practice social distancing.

Yo mama so fat

She has to turn around twice to face the opposite direction

Enough fat can stop a bullet

It's almost like us Americans are evolving

Son: Dad, what are this 'trans fats" given on the label?

Dad: Trans fats are both groups of people you can't make fun of.

Teacher:Kids what does a chicken give you Students: Eggs Teacher: Very good now what does the pig give you Kids: Bacon Teacher: Excellent now what does the fat cow give you

Kids: Homework

Yo momma so fat..

The government cancelled her for being a mass gathering

My mom just posted in our family group: "It's our fat ones birthday today!"

She is referring to our cat.

10 minutes later, I get a message from my dad: "Happy birthday kid."

Yo' mama is so fat

That she sends me nudes via torrent

You should never make fun of a fat girl with a lisp.

She's thick and tired of it.

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A woman tells her therapist that her husband made 2 fat jokes about her the previous day.

Husband: That's a lie.


Therapist: Then why would she remember you making them?


Husband: Because elephants never forget.

Yo mamma so fat

Thanos had to clap

I don't make fat jokes

But looks like your mom did

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Wife: Does this dress make me look fat? Me: You promise not to get mad no matter what I say? Wife: Yes

Me: I fucked your sister

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Why are there no fat people in Japan?

The last time they had a Fat Man 80,000 people died.

I asked my wife for a compliment because all I see in the mirror is a fat old man....

She said here's one, your vision is spot on.

Yo momma so fat...

... that when she died, her ghost made a cold spot so big that it saved the polar bears.

Why are rich brits so fat?

Because they measure their wealth in pounds

I went to the gym to workout, and a group of buff guys walked past me and called me a fat loser.

Technically they were right, because I lost a lot of fat.

Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times and she won’t believe you.

Tell a woman she’s fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

What do you call a fat guy in a bathtub?

Tubby

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I was watching a terrible porn the other day. It was some lonely fat guy, sitting on a sofa naked, masturbating and crying

Then I realised I hadn’t switched the TV on.

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A carrot, a pickle and a penis were talking about their awful lives. The carrot said my life sucks, when i get big and fat they cut me up and cook me. The pickle said when I get big and fat they cover me in vinegar & throw me in a jar.

The penis said, when I get big and fat they pull a plastic bag over my head, stick me in a dark, damp room and bang my head against the wall till I throw up and pass out!

Didja hear about the two fat chicks flouting social distancing rules while going for a walk?

They just wanted to flatten their curves.

A fat guy and an old man are sitting in a bar...

They sit together at the same table and have a couple of drinks and talk about life.
Then the waiter serves the food of the people on the next table. The fat guy is staring at the food with a depressed face and asks the old man-
"Do you ever have the urge to eat everything that is in front of ...

My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said,

“OK, you’re ugly too.”

Yo mama so fat...

That Internet explorer runs faster than her.

I was going to make a fat joke

It didn't work out.

My gf is getting fat

She now can fit in my wife’s jeans.

Your mom is so fat

that her favorite piece of jewelry is the food chain

Your mom is so fat she starts the alphabet with the letter "O"...

O B C D...

Bob the builder isn't fat

He's just well built

Yo Mama so fat

I swerved to avoid her in the road and ran out of gas

What's a fat cannibal's favorite popup ad?

Are you looking for hot lo-cal singles in your area?

Your Mama's so fat

.. her CPAP runs on diesel.

Your mom is so fat

that she got arrested by quarantene guards for being a gathering of 10 or more people.

Obese people need to stand up against fat shaming

For some reason though, they don't

Where do fat bees live?

A bee city

What do you call a metal head who’s into banging fat chicks?

Down with the Thiccness

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As I walked up to the bank I noticed a fat, drunken old bum slumped beside the door. On my way out he asked me, “Any change?”

“No, you’re still fat and drunk.”

Yo Mamma is So Fat.....

when she moons people, they turn into werewolves.....

Why shouldn't you play poker with really fat people?

Because they're going to fold a lot.

If I'm fat but identify as slim

Does that mean I am trans slender?

How do you lose 12 stones of unsightly fat for the new year?

Divorce her....

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

What do you call a really fat lady with a pretty face?

Engorgeous

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