What did our parents do to kill boredom before the internet?

I asked my 10 brothers and sisters, but they don’t know either.

My parents said that if I got a tattoo I'd have to get it in a place that didn't matter...

So I got it in Appleton, Wisconsin.

I’m a proud parent of 3 Unvaccinated kids

Edit: 2 kids

Edit: 1 kid

What do you call a baby who’s parents are siblings?

An Alabamination.

My parents treat me like a god...

...they don't believe in me.

I asked my parents if I was adopted.

They said, “Hell no, why would we pick you?”

My asian parents are actually very supportive of my career path

They let me pick which medical school I'm going to

I just got in trouble from my parents for yelling "What the duck!"

They told me I'm not to use fowl language

When I was younger my parents made me walk the plank.

We couldn't afford a dog.

my girlfriends parents are very religious

the first time I was at their house, her dad told me we weren't allowed to sleep together

It was a bit of a shame he was very attractive

One night, Billy walked into his parents’ bedroom and found his dad fooling around in bed with his mom.

“Dad, what are you doing?” Billy asked.

“Well son, I’m playing cards,” his dad replied.

“What’s Mom doing?”

“Oh, she’s my wild card.”

That weekend, Billy went to spend the night at his grandparents. He woke up and went to their bedroom, and found his grandpa fooling arou...

I’ve never understood why so many rich parents buy second hand Ferraris for their spoilt children

Why would you want two things that are twenty years old and don’t work?

I remember being a kid and my parents filling my head with nonsense, like Santa, the Easter bunny and the Tooth Fairy.

Well now that I’m older I don’t fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today's National Coming Out Day, so I sat down with my parents

After a lot of difficult, I finally worked up the courage to tell them they're gay.

A boy is about to be sentenced for killing his parents. He begs the judge to spare his life. The judge asks for one good reason he should be shown any mercy.

The boy replies, “I’m an orphan, your honor.”

My bullies broke my MP3-Player at school. Luckily, my parents bought me an MP4 for my birthday, but these idiots destroyed it again.

Tomorrow, I'll bring an MP5.

So a boy was born, and he was just a head. But his parents took this difficulty in their stride and raised him as well as they could. On the boy's 18th birthday, his father takes him down the pub for his first pint.

He takes the first sip, and out pops his body. Surprised, he takes a second sip, and out pop his arms. The whole pub is cheering him on now. His father has tears of joy streaming down his face. So the boy takes his final sip, and out pop his legs. The boy is so happy that he immediately jumps up ...

The only vacuum I use is the one made specifically for made for antivax parents...

Dyson

A 15 year old boy comes home with a Porsche

His parents began to yell and scream. “Where did you get that car?”

He calmly told them, “I bought it today.”

“With what money?” Demanded his parents. “We know how much a Porsche costs!”

“Well,” said the boy, “this one cost me fifteen dollars.”

The parents began to yell e...

What’s happens when you cross alcohol with an unstable parent?

BEATS ME

There is nothing more embarrassing than your parents entering your room in the morning when you have an erection

in your mouth...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I caught my parents having sex, the other day.

Worst 45 minutes of my life.

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Kris Kristofferson must of been thankful his parents didn't name him Jack.

Jack Jackofferson would of been an awkward name to have growing up

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Little Jack (6 years old) goes with his parents to the nudist beach.

He is playing with sand and creates castles or swims in the water. After 30 minutes he comes back to his mom and asks:

“Mom Mom, why have all the women different sizes of their breasts?”

Mom answers:

“oh hmm, see my son, the women with small breasts are poor, the ones with big b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do you never see transexual parents?

Because they're trans-parent.

Divorcing parents

A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says,“I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.” 'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams. “We can't stand the sight of each other any...

Until today, I could never understand how my parents entertained themselves in their days, before smartphones were a thing

I asked my 72 other siblings and they haven’t got a clue either.

Feeling hopeless, I finally asked my parents and they said they played lots of sports. For some reason, I think they’re lying...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The first time I had sex, it was in my parent's bedroom. My girlfriend giggled nervously and moaned, "This is a bit awkward."

I grunted, "Just ignore them."

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[nsfw] some parents find their teenager’s browser history

It’s full of s&m porn.

Mom says: well what are we going to do?

Dad says: what do you mean?

Mom says: well.. we can’t *spank* him.

A lawyer was working in his office when Satan appeared. "I can make it so you win every case in your career and make huge piles of money. In exchange you will sell me your soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, your parent's souls, your grandparent's souls, and the souls of all your friends.

The lawyer thought it over for a moment and then asked, "What's the catch?"

When I was a kid, my parents would always say "Excuse my french" after a swear word...

...I'll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any french.

A guy is having dinner with his girlfriend's parents for the first time

As he's about to devour the soup, he sees his mother in law looking at him with an angry face.

She says:

- When you're at home, don't you always pray before you start eating?

He answers:

- No ma'am, my mom is a really good cook.

A teenage potato brings her boyfriend home to meet the parents. "So, what do you do for work?" asks the inquisitive father potato. “Oh, I work for a TV company as a sportscaster." The father potato is furious and tells the boyfriend to leave immediately.

“Why did you do that daddy?!” shrieks the distraught daughter, eyes wide.

The father shouts, “I’m not having *my* daughter hanging around with a commentator!"

I'm glad my parents told me I was adopted...

But everyday feels excessive.

I’ve learned a very valuable lesson today, as a parent.

Pretending that you don’t know your kids in public, is much easier than trying to discipline them.

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A pupil was describing to his parents how his teacher went around the world, travelling from place to place but only stopping in sex clubs, dungeons and brothels.

Sir cum-navigated the globe.

My parents were just telling me "You'll never know true happiness if you don't get married."

Me: Yep You never know what you've got till it's gone.

I understand parents who accidentally leave children in cars.

I mean who really checks their trunk everyday?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Im so pissed that my parents had me vaccinated

I could have been dead already, but they wanted to ensure i lived a long healthy life.

Two parents are taking their newborn son for a stroll. A passerby looks into the carriage and exclaims, "What a beautiful baby!". The father thanks the passerby, and added, "Yes, my son here is some of my best work!"

The mother, slightly miffed, asks her husband, "Why did you take all the credit? I carried this baby for none months. I delivered him after 10 hours of labor. All you did was have10 minutes of fun!"

The husband replied, "When you have a good meal, who do you thank? The chef or the oven?"<...

My parents are so strict when it comes to school,

that even when I told them I got stung by a Bee, they grounded me because it wasn’t an A.

I’m going to start a new school system for children of anti-vax parents.

If anyone knows where I can hire some kindergarten teachers and a mortician that would be great.

After the death of my parents, I was reared in a Catholic orphanage…

... i'm still sore.

What do airports and single parents have in common?

You need to tend to your baggage at all times.

Remember when we would cry as kids and our parents would say "I'll give you something to cry about."

We though they were gonna hit us but then they went and destroyed the ozone, housing market, and affordable college.

A man goes to court after murdering both parents

Judge: You are guilty for killing your parents. How do you plead?

Man: Guilty

Judge: I sentence you to thir...

Man: (In tears) Please Sir, don't be too harsh. You know I'm an orphan

The Teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it

The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff.But then the teacher realised that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share ?'


''Yes madam......My daddy told me a story about
my Mom.She was...

What did the trans man say after finally telling his parents about his surgeries?

“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”

Timmy’s parents asked him why he didn’t play games with Dave anymore

Timmy replied: would you want to play with someone who screams, swears and throws with his controller when he loses?
His parents: no, of course not! Timmy: Well apparently Dave doesn’t either!

Years ago, the average parents had 4 kids.

Now, the average kid has 4 parents.

A kid came home to find his parents sitting at a table, looking disappointed. “Son, you’ve been expelled,” his dad said.

“But I’m homeschooled!” he wailed in despair.

“That’s the point. Now get out.”

What would a Communist parent say to her child who refuses to disclose his bad grades to her?

Quit Stalin and show me your Marx!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Shelley's parents finally built up the nerve to confront their daughter about her time spent at the beach everyday...

&nbsp;

&nbsp;

Mom : "Quite a little operation you have going on out here sweetie.. but are you sure you've given this enough thought...?"

&nbsp;

Shelley : "I sure have! This has always been my dream and I'm finally doing it! You should always do what yo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Therapist: How is your relationship to your parents?

Me: 1:2

What did Santa give to his parents when they asked for a divorce?

He gave them semicolons; they are great for separating independent clauses

What do antivax parents order at a bar?

Anything but shots

The cryogenics company was going out of business so I had to take my parents head's home. We were never close,...

...our relations were thawed

Sorry Cincy

Cincinnati ,Oh(AP) -A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Cincinnati courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.


The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping...

I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother.

It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.

My parents treat me like God

... They don’t believe in me


(Not mine, but certainly made me blow out some air through my nose)

My parents insisted that they never had a favorite child when I grew up

I'm an only child :(

A boy was always getting low grades in maths...

A boy was always getting low grades in maths and his parents were getting worried. After 3 tests with continuous F's, they decided to send him to a Catholic school due to the high success rate in maths.

After the boys first day of school there, he got home and ran straight to his room without...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Daughter’s vibrator

A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom.

When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.

What are you doing?" she exclaimed.

The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Timmy went into the living room as his parents were having an argument.

“You bastard!” said his mum to his dad.

“You bitch!” replied his dad to his mum.

And they suddenly stopped when they saw little Timmy in the doorway.

“Mum, what’s a bastard? Dad, what’s a bitch?” questioned Timmy.

His parents stuttered and stammered until his mum thought ...

I was devastated when I found out the Tooth Fairy isn't real. Because that means it was my parents...

who molested me.



credit: Ryan Stout

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom

and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off...

What did our parents do to kill time before the internet?

I asked my 16 siblings and they didn't know either.


Not oc but thought I'd share.

Today I saw a little boy wearing rags sitting on a curb

I said, "Awww, are you an orphan"? He said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

I was kicked out of the house by my Asian parents

because I got an O for my blood test instead of an A+.

I thought of this joke myself, but I'm not sure if someone else made it earlier than me.

You're a Savage Warrior. You're a barbarian. You come from a city in Iran. You're a Barbar Barbarian.

You're known for hanging around your favorite drinking establishment. You're a Barbar bar barbarian.

You get exiled. You're a barred Barbar bar barbarian.

You get a job cutting hair. You're a barred Barbar bar barbarian barber.

You are the exclusive hairstylist of a popular chil...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I get anxious when I watch “Game of Thrones” with my parents, because of all the sex.

Sometimes I turn the volume up, so that I don’t hear them.

My boyfriend's parents told me "There's no way you stay in a relationship with him!"

So i said "Mom, i'm 18. You can't tell me what to do anymore."

My parents used to tell me that drug dealers would offer me free drugs until i got addicted to them, then they would charge me extremly high prices for it once i got addicted.

Looking at games in the App Store, I think all those drug dealers turned to game developers.

How I got divorced

Last week was my birthday. My wife forgot, my kids forgot, none of my friends called or texted even my parents forgot. Nobody wished me happy birthday until I got to work. My secretary was there with a smile and a big Happy Birthday Boss! I felt so special.
She invited me to lunch and Afte...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bit of a political

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your ...

My parents read the book I was writing. They said the main character wasn't likeable.

It was an autobiography…

What did our parents do when they were bored back in the days before the internet or video games?

I asked this question to my 24 brothers and sisters too...

One day, my parents told me about the birds and the bees

"Son" they said, "birds do it, bees do it, so it's completely fine and natural for you to do it too. It's nothing to be ashamed of"

They were of course referring to my unfortunate habit of running face-first into windows.

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