Being Kissed While You're Asleep is Purest Forms Of Love,

Not When You Live Alone.

The year is 1921. Eastern Poland, the new border with Russia is forming after WWI.

One of the officials coordinating this process stumbles upon an old house that is located just on the path of where the border would be set. Property, with an old shed and few acres of land, is habited by one old farmer.

"This is your lucky day, old man. You can choose whether you prefer to ...

After the dinosaurs died out, mammals became the dominant life form.

Unlike dinosaurs, which had scales and feathers, mammals are covered in fur.

I guess you could say things got a little bit hairy after the asteroud hit.

What do cats call their human form?

Their purr-sona.

What form of birth control works better with holes in it?

Crocs

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Being asexual is the ultamate form of not giving a fuck.

Because you dont give fucks.

What's the fastest form of communication?

Sign language....since it travels at the speed of light.

I formed the habit of not telling anyone about my plans until I succeed

now I fail without anybody even knowing.

My friend asked whats my favourite form of cardio

Jumping to conclusions

My friend joined a cult. They believe that one day they will cease to exist in their human form, and become water vapor.

I told him, "you will be mist".

I filled out a job application form. It asked for Hobbies and Pastimes ...

I put Football, Travel and 1939-1945.

Jesus was filling in a form. The question was "Do you suffer from Tourettes?"

He wasn't sure whether to put a tic or a cross.

Apparently scarves are the most dangerous form of winter clothing.

The least dangerous are sweater vests. They’re completely armless

Have you heard that new dog sled team from Canada that formed a rock band?

They're called Mush.

What's the saddest form of transportation?

A moped.

I formed a support group for people who suffer from Agoraphobia.

Unfortunately it didn't work out. Everyone wanted to have it at their place.

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Son: Dad, why is destruction a form of creation?

Dad: Well son, you see, I destroyed your mom's pussy to create your ass.

My psychiatrist wrote on my evaluation form that I have ocd.

I had to correct it to OCD.

I formed a rock group called the elastics, things aren't going so well so far though,

We have one song and it's band.

Gabriel's Horn is a geometric figure formed by rotating f(x)=1/x about the x axis. It has finite volume, but infinite surface area.

This is the complete opposite of the Vuvuzela, which has a finite surface area, but infinite volume

A new guy starts work at a bakery.

He's handed his rota and his eyes lighten up: "Great, it's dinner-roll day!". The supervisor is puzzled to see such enthusiasm for so mundane a task as baking dinner rolls, but sure enough, the new guy goes to it with zest and panache and is soon turning out dinner rolls the like of which the superv...

Thor was viewing the earth, when he saw a beautiful milkmaid. He transformed to human form, descended to earth - and seduced her.

They made love for 3 days and 3 nights, then one morning Thor was stood with his back to her, shuttered sunlight streaming through his golden hair and across his massive frame - the very image of godlike perfection. And he spoke.

“Darling, I must away from this place” he turned round for dram...

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What's the highest form of bravery?

A mouse walking through the house with a boner shouting "Here kitty kitty, here kitty kitty!"

What sort of dice has its opinions formed by preconceived notions?

A prejudice

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first mathematician orders a beer

The second orders half of a beer

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender remarks. "That's ridiculous."

"Oh come on," says mathemati...

What form of art is very popular among college kids?

Ramen doodles

Why do fish form schools, but ants form colonies?

Cause *truants* don't go to school!

(I came up with this right now)

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I had a health form for my doctor to fill out today. He reached into his pocket and pulled out an old mercury thermometer.

“Shit,” he said. “Some asshole has my pen!”

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Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors.

There to greet them is none other than Satan, who tells them a secret method to getting into Heaven: Each man must spend 1,000 years in a room with their greatest vice. If he does so, he will be allowed to enter Heaven. The catch? At the end of the 1,000 year period, if the man asks to be let out of...

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This is a translated joke form my country (Ethiopia)

Two mental patients were walking when they spotted an odd thing on their path and they started arguing about what it was. Patient one said "It looks like honey" but patient two argued "No this is definitely poo" so they argued for quite sometime until they figured out a solution, one of them would t...

I tried to make a joke about identical frequencies and wave forms.

But it really separated the room.

I was expecting more coherence.

What’s the highest form of flattery?

A plateau.

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A school bus full of Catholic girls drives off a cliff and they all die.

A bus filled with 18 year old sheltered Catholic school girls drove off a cliff and they all died. So they all form a single file line in front of the gates of heaven and saint Peter says to the first girl "have you ever touched a man's penis?" And the girl says "yes but just with the tip of my fing...

Put these letters together to form a word. P N E I S Clue: a body part that is very important when erect.

The answer is spine.

A man walks into an Indian restaurant.

The waiter asks, “have you ever ordered here before?”

The man replies, “No, I haven’t.”

The waiter continues, “We’re a little different here. Before you order, I need you read and sign this form,” and he hands a piece of paper to the man.

The man squints at the paper and reads t...

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A young lady hands in an application form...but she gets rejected the first time.

A young lady hands in her application form. She wrote "Prostitute" where she had to state her occupation. The other lady at the counter quickly assesses it, and says that unfortunately, a prostitute is not eligible.

"Ok" says the frustrated young brunette, "how about I put down cock farmer?"<...

A boy asks his dad about his past.

"Hey Dad."

"Yes son?"

"Did you ever get shot in the army?"

He looks at his son in silence. Tears start to form in the Dad's eyes, and he quietly replies:

"No, but I was shot in the leggy."

So a guy walks into a bank in Manhattan and asks for the loan officer

The loan officer comes over immediately.

‟How can I help you, sir?” he asks.

‟I am going out of town on business for two weeks and need to borrow $5,000,” the man answers.

The loan officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan.

So, the man h...

I just formed a grunge band and named it "1023 Megabytes"

... haven't gotten a gig yet though.

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What is adjective form of asshole?

Colonial

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Apparently 'Viagra' is now available in powder form specially for tea. Well, it's not for enhancing your sexual libido.................

............... But it won't let your dipped biscuit 'Go Soft'

Yo momma so fat...

She is considered a carbohydrate based life form.

A frog goes into a bank

and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's ...

One day a man decided to retire. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank...

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How d...

Trump will still be president of The United States after January 20th

He's having Rudy draw up the paperwork to form The United States Total Landscaping Co. as we speak!

What do you call the moisture that forms between two lovers in Alabama?

Relative Humidity

A man lost at sea is found on an island 20 years later.

The sailors that find him are surprised to see three large buildings on the island. They ask the man why he built the buildings. "This first building is my house" he says. "I was able to set up a crude aqueduct to create some form of indoor plumbing". The sailors are impressed and ask about the ...

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Hot blond is filling out a form. Where it says "sex" she put "Infrequently". The clerk asked her....

"Is that one word or two?"

A man is riding a motorcycle down Pacific Coast Highway, living the dream, when all of a sudden the clouds start to form...

...he pulls over. Out of nowhere he hears a booming voice from above: "My son, you have lived a life of virtue, one that I would be proud of, ask me of anything and I will grant it."

Astounded the man thinks for a minute then says: "Well I wish that I could ride my bike to Hawaii. I wish ther...

A team of British archaeologists dug to a depth of 15 feet and found an intricate network of copper wires.

From this, the team concluded that the Britain was advanced enough to have telephone connections in their cities 150 years ago.

In response to this, American archaeologists started their own expedition. They dug up to a depth of 20 feet and found an even more expansive network of copper wires...

Self deprecation is definitely the lowest form of humour.

that's why I use it all the time

A linguistics professor says during a lecture...

A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, "In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative." But then a voice from the back of the room ...

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Did you hear they finally released Viagra in generic form?

The next time your are at the pharmacy ask for coxbphlopin.

I went to pick up my tax forms and HOA application

Turns out that's not what they sell at the Adult Store at all.

What did people say when the inventor of the Dry Erase Board showed off his new invention.

That's Remarkable!

Terrible joke, came to me on the toilet early, but I had to say it. And it is also likely be told in some form before.

TEACHER: Today you'll give an example of a pronoun each and form a sentence with it.

JOHN: HER

TEACHER: Ok, your sentence?

JOHN: Give her her book. It's hers.

TEACHER: That's good. Yes who's next?


DAVE: HIM

TEACHER: Your Sentence?

DAVE: Give him him book. It's hims.

In space, two aliens are talking to each other

The first alien says, ‟The dominant life forms on the Earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons.”

The second alien asks, ‟Are they an emerging intelligence?”

The first alien says, ‟I do not think so, they have aimed at themselves”

Archimedes wasn't just known for inventing his many inventions. He's also considered to have invented the first insult when talking to his brother who was a cheese maker after discovering a early form of lindburger cheese....

He simply stated, You reeka!

What is the plural form of rice

Answer: Extra rice

What’s the most common form of birth control at Hogwart’s?

*Coitus Interruptus*

I have a very mild form of Coronavirus.

Heinekenvirus.

Jokes about Feminine Hygiene are the lowest form of humor

Period.

A group of dyslexic men form a soccer team

When they got down to the name of their team they went with "Dyslexia untied"

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What is the name of the generic form of Viagra?

Mycoxafailin

The way this year has gone so far

I wouldn’t be surprised if the Corona virus vaccine will be available in suppository form only.

Me and my friend are going to form a band called 'the duvets'

Mainly going to be a cover band

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The Duck in the Bottle

A man is on a quest for true enlightenment. His travels led him to sit with the Dalai Lama.

Man: Sir, do you have the answer for enlightenment?

The religious figure walks away but comes back with a bottle and a duck.

He hands both to the man and tells him,

"The day yo...

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My doctor enquired if I was getting enough exercise. "Does sex count as exercise?" I asked. "Yes, it's a very good form of exercise" he replied.

"No then" I said

The Four Witch Covens

There were once four powerful witch covens: the witches of the mountains, the deserts, the forests, and the seas. For a thousand years they made war with one another, casting curses and hexes and bringing all manner of malady to the land in their hatred for one another. One day, they decided the onl...

A new leaked government tape shows that a Mars rover saw some sort of feline life form on Mars.

However, before they could get any more info, Curiosity killed the cat.

What's one form of communication God will never use to speak with you?

Fax

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Scientist: My invention can creat matter in all three forms. Gas, liquid and solid.

My asshole: You know, I’m something of a scientist myself.

According to Whitney Houston, what is the most important form of co-ordination?

HAND EYEEE-E-EYE

If you’re here for yodeling lessons please form an

Orderly, Orderly, Orderly Queue

What happened to Iron man when he wanted some salt?

He got a divorce form his wife Pepper.

I always wanted to be a doctor..

So I studied and applied myself to a prominent university.
Once we got the test, we were supposed to arrange letters P N E I S to form one of the most important of human parts, whis is best when used upright.

Those who wrote SPINE are now doctors.
The rest of us write stupid jokes on re...

Why did the orange have so much trouble forming a rap duo?

No one rhymes with orange.

There are so many forms of martial arts, it’s hard to keep track of.

Kind of.. Kung Fusing

A professor in South Africa is teaching her students how to form Emglish sentences.

“Attention class I have two words: Cheetah, and dandelion. Can anybody use these together in a sentence?”

One student raises their hand,

“The cheetah is faster dandelion.”

What’s the most popular form of photography in American high schools?

Point and shoot.

What's the best form of fighting music?

Beat boxing

In highschool, my girlfriend and I were asked to rearrange PNSEI to form a word

She said Spine and went on to become a doctor.
And the rest of us are reading this on reddit

If Ice Cream Required a Prescription

Each scoop would cost $300 negotiated down to a mere $50.

It would only be available at the pharmacy across town.

You would have to buy 200 pounds at a shot and store it on your own.

There would only be one flavor, black licorice.

It'll take 20 years for a generic ice...

There once was a job application form

There once was a job application form that said: “help wanted! Looking for people that are bilingual, able to make a computer program and able to make a robot!”, which a street dog was staring at, and it entered the building. The dog then enters the interviewing room and sits on the chair. The inter...

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The Swan?

A burly sailor gets brought into an infirmary staffed by a bunch of postulate nuns, girls barely 18 preparing to become full nuns, and of course, supervised by a few gruff looking nuns.

Being good Catholics in a small Newfoundland seaside town, such oddities rarely found their way to their f...

Old tribal wisdom says that wh...

Old tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. Businesses, however, often try other strategies. These include...
1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Saying things like "This is the way we always have ridden this hor...

A man thinks his wife is getting deaf.

A man is sitting in his living room while his wife is working in the room next to it. As he gets up to prepare some coffee, he yells if she wants some too. There’s no response. “My wife seems to be losing her hearing”, he thinks.

He visits their doctor, asking for advice. “Doctor, my wife nev...

How do computers form intimate relations?

They insert the floppy into the disc drive.

In which form would the enormous poet always write his poems?

In Iambig Pentameter

There are 3 superheroes, The Fireball, Lady Aqua, and Tornado.

They all form a superhero trio, and try to stop villains from all over the world. They were all hanging at the SuperBase, when an emergency alarm went off.

The supervillain Master Garth is making their way to Paris, so that she can destroy the Eiffel Towel to be able to control all areas of E...

My favorite form of birth control is a condom inside a condom inside a condom...

Contraception

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Obviously and because.

Teacher in the class:

\-Kids, please form a sentence with words "obviously" and "because".

After a while teacher asks:

\-Have You come up with something, kids?

One kid raises his hand and says:

\-Grandma took the newspaper and went into the woods.

\-But wher...

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They say that sex is the best form of exercise

Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every three months is going to shift this beer belly.

Apparently 25% of women are on some form of medication for mental illness. 25%! That's horrifying.

It means 75% of them are running around untreated!

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The Bricklayer's Accident Report

This is a bricklayer's accident report that was printed in the newsletter of the English equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board.
Dear Sir:


I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put "Poor Planning" as...

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A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar, sits down and asks the bartender for a drink.

“What’s the occasion?” Asked the bartender

The man replies “I just found out my oldest son is gay.”

Bartender apologizes, the man downs his drink and leaves.

Same man comes in the next day.

...

A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman, 'Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?'

The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie.

The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.

The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.

The barman, now intrig...

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A bus full of Nuns falls off a cliff and they all die.

They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them "Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question. Please form a single-file line." And they do so. St. Peter turns to ...

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The great detective Herlock Sholmes was hired to investigate the disappearance of one of the most important political figures in the nation.

He was quickly briefed on the current situation: at two in the morning, a young woman named Andrea had been captured by an unknown party. Now normally, a kidnapping wouldn’t be something to call in the great Herlock Sholmes for, but Andrea was a special case.

In the nation of Modgasia, the go...

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Back in the U.S.S.R.

An old Jew is on his deathbed. With weak voice he asks to call for a partorg because before his death he wants to join the Communist Party. A happy partorg rushes to him with filled out membership form to sign and a ready Party membership card. As the Jew signs the form he carefully takes the member...

There’s a more virulent form of MRSA going around

It’s WRSA.

A murder took place. Everyone witnessed the crime being committed.

They know it was E who brutally killed the man in question. They saw it. Against all previous odds of his record coming clear, people testified.

A jury was formed to try E on these alleged crimes. Due to the extreme gore of the crime scene and its explicit details, it was a closed court heari...

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematicians have to build a fence around a flock of sheep, using as little material as possible.

The engineer forms the flock into a circular shape and constructs a fence around it.

The physicist builds a fence with an infinite diameter and pulls it together until it fits around the flock.

The mathematicians thinks for a while, then builds a fence around himself and defines hims...

Receiving a kiss while sleeping is the most pure form of love there is...

Unless you're in prison

Which superhero is also a form of transport?

Bus Lightyear!

I have heard that self deprecation is the highest form of comedy

Too bad I'm not funny.

a meteor strikes the earth killing everything and the only surviving life form is a hungry alpaca.

ALPACALIPS

Does anybody know if making clothes for nuns is habit forming?

Asking for a friend.

Ways To Get Rid Of Telemarketers

An old one, but a good one…

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for Bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, “How are you today?” say, “Why do you want to know?” Or you can say, “I'm so glad you asked, because no one seems to care...

Friend told me to stop filing taxes and go watch anime with him

but this isn't even my final form.

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The crab and the lobster

One there was a crab called David and a lobster called Lucy and they were very much in love.

One day, Lucy comes running to David, crying her eyes out.

“What’s the matter?” David asks.

“It’s my father, the King. He’s banned me from ever seeing you again!” cried Princess Lucy....

There once was a Roman named Vitus, he developed the first form of haircoloring. It was a sort of paste that changed his blonde hair to red. However, a side effect was incredibly bad breath.

This became known as the first confirmed case of Gingervitis.

Little John gets home from school.

His mother, Stacy, asked him If he had any home work.

He let Stacy know that he did in fact have some but that he would really enjoy it tonight and even finish it before dinner!

For dinner Stacy made a wonderful Chicken Cordon Blu which was her Husband, Kyle's, favorite meal.
...

I got fired form the zoo.

Apparently the sign "Don't feed the animals" was only meant for the visitors.

Why doesn't iron form a good bond with other metals?

Because it has rust issues!

A single zombie is scary, but a row of zombies forms something even scarier...

A deadline.

A Police Officer Knocks on a Woman's Front Door

A police officers knock on a woman's front door.

Woman: "Hello officer!"

Officer: "Hi mam, I come bearing grim news I'm afraid"

Woman: "and what's that now?!"

Officer: "Well I regret to inform you that your husband and young son's bodies were found. Luckily they both were...

No application forms

What’s the process of applying for a job at Hooters?

They just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out.”

Form the self employer's handbook:

There is no "we" in "team"

A Democrat and a Republican were walking along the beach when they spotted a bottle.

They picked it up and a genie popped out.

"I will grant you each one wish, whatever you desire", said the genie.

The Democrat said, "I would like for my fellow liberals and I to live the life and exist under the form of government we believe in!" POOF! All the Democrats in America were...

What was the first form of digital storage?

gloves

My daughter identifies as a small group of words standing together as a conceptual unit, typically forming a component of a clause.

Should I be worried or is it just a phrase?

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