My friend joined a cult. They believe that one day they will cease to exist in their human form, and become water vapor.

I told him, "you will be mist".

My psychiatrist wrote on my evaluation form that I have ocd.

I had to correct it to OCD.

I formed a rock group called the elastics, things aren't going so well so far though,

We have one song and it's band.

What sort of dice has its opinions formed by preconceived notions?

A prejudice

What form of art is very popular among college kids?

Ramen doodles

Thor was viewing the earth, when he saw a beautiful milkmaid. He transformed to human form, descended to earth - and seduced her.

They made love for 3 days and 3 nights, then one morning Thor was stood with his back to her, shuttered sunlight streaming through his golden hair and across his massive frame - the very image of godlike perfection. And he spoke.

“Darling, I must away from this place” he turned round for dram...

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A school bus full of Catholic girls drives off a cliff and they all die.

A bus filled with 18 year old sheltered Catholic school girls drove off a cliff and they all died. So they all form a single file line in front of the gates of heaven and saint Peter says to the first girl "have you ever touched a man's penis?" And the girl says "yes but just with the tip of my fing...

What’s the highest form of flattery?

A plateau.

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I had a health form for my doctor to fill out today. He reached into his pocket and pulled out an old mercury thermometer.

“Shit,” he said. “Some asshole has my pen!”

A man walks into an Indian restaurant.

The waiter asks, “have you ever ordered here before?”

The man replies, “No, I haven’t.”

The waiter continues, “We’re a little different here. Before you order, I need you read and sign this form,” and he hands a piece of paper to the man.

The man squints at the paper and reads t...

I tried to make a joke about identical frequencies and wave forms.

But it really separated the room.

I was expecting more coherence.

Put these letters together to form a word. P N E I S Clue: a body part that is very important when erect.

The answer is spine.

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A young lady hands in an application form...but she gets rejected the first time.

A young lady hands in her application form. She wrote "Prostitute" where she had to state her occupation. The other lady at the counter quickly assesses it, and says that unfortunately, a prostitute is not eligible.

"Ok" says the frustrated young brunette, "how about I put down cock farmer?"<...

Why do fish form schools, but ants form colonies?

Cause *truants* don't go to school!

(I came up with this right now)

I’ve been diagnosed with a rare form of amnesia where I deny the existence of certain 80’s bands

There is no cure

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Apparently 'Viagra' is now available in powder form specially for tea. Well, it's not for enhancing your sexual libido.................

............... But it won't let your dipped biscuit 'Go Soft'

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What is adjective form of asshole?

Colonial

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This is a translated joke form my country (Ethiopia)

Two mental patients were walking when they spotted an odd thing on their path and they started arguing about what it was. Patient one said "It looks like honey" but patient two argued "No this is definitely poo" so they argued for quite sometime until they figured out a solution, one of them would t...

I just formed a grunge band and named it "1023 Megabytes"

... haven't gotten a gig yet though.

What do you call the moisture that forms between two lovers in Alabama?

Relative Humidity

A man is riding a motorcycle down Pacific Coast Highway, living the dream, when all of a sudden the clouds start to form...

...he pulls over. Out of nowhere he hears a booming voice from above: "My son, you have lived a life of virtue, one that I would be proud of, ask me of anything and I will grant it."

Astounded the man thinks for a minute then says: "Well I wish that I could ride my bike to Hawaii. I wish ther...

Self deprecation is definitely the lowest form of humour.

that's why I use it all the time

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Hot blond is filling out a form. Where it says "sex" she put "Infrequently". The clerk asked her....

"Is that one word or two?"

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Did you hear they finally released Viagra in generic form?

The next time your are at the pharmacy ask for coxbphlopin.

Archimedes wasn't just known for inventing his many inventions. He's also considered to have invented the first insult when talking to his brother who was a cheese maker after discovering a early form of lindburger cheese....

He simply stated, You reeka!

What’s the most common form of birth control at Hogwart’s?

*Coitus Interruptus*

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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first mathematician orders a beer

The second orders half a beer

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender remarks. "That's ridiculous."

"Oh c'mon" says mathematician #...

TEACHER: Today you'll give an example of a pronoun each and form a sentence with it.

JOHN: HER

TEACHER: Ok, your sentence?

JOHN: Give her her book. It's hers.

TEACHER: That's good. Yes who's next?


DAVE: HIM

TEACHER: Your Sentence?

DAVE: Give him him book. It's hims.

Jokes about Feminine Hygiene are the lowest form of humor

Period.

I have a very mild form of Coronavirus.

Heinekenvirus.

A group of dyslexic men form a soccer team

When they got down to the name of their team they went with "Dyslexia untied"

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What is the name of the generic form of Viagra?

Mycoxafailin

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The great detective Herlock Sholmes was hired to investigate the disappearance of one of the most important political figures in the nation.

He was quickly briefed on the current situation: at two in the morning, a young woman named Andrea had been captured by an unknown party. Now normally, a kidnapping wouldn’t be something to call in the great Herlock Sholmes for, but Andrea was a special case.

In the nation of Modgasia, the go...

What do you need to form a K-Pop group?

Plastic mold.

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A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar, sits down and asks the bartender for a drink.

“What’s the occasion?” Asked the bartender

The man replies “I just found out my oldest son is gay.”

Bartender apologizes, the man downs his drink and leaves.

Same man comes in the next day.

...

Me and my friend are going to form a band called 'the duvets'

Mainly going to be a cover band

What's one form of communication God will never use to speak with you?

Fax

According to Whitney Houston, what is the most important form of co-ordination?

HAND EYEEE-E-EYE

A frog walks into a bank to get a loan.

He approaches the teller, whose name plate says Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $50,000 loan to take a vacation."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.

"Kermit Jagger. My father is Mick Jagger. It will be fine to authorize the loan, I know your m...

A linguistics professor says

A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, "In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative." But then a voice from the back of the room ...

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My doctor enquired if I was getting enough exercise. "Does sex count as exercise?" I asked. "Yes, it's a very good form of exercise" he replied.

"No then" I said

If you’re here for yodeling lessons please form an

Orderly, Orderly, Orderly Queue

A new leaked government tape shows that a Mars rover saw some sort of feline life form on Mars.

However, before they could get any more info, Curiosity killed the cat.

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Scientist: My invention can creat matter in all three forms. Gas, liquid and solid.

My asshole: You know, I’m something of a scientist myself.

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematicians have to build a fence around a flock of sheep, using as little material as possible.

The engineer forms the flock into a circular shape and constructs a fence around it.

The physicist builds a fence with an infinite diameter and pulls it together until it fits around the flock.

The mathematicians thinks for a while, then builds a fence around himself and defines hims...

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A bus full of Nuns falls off a cliff and they all die.

They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them "Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question. Please form a single-file line." And they do so. St. Peter turns to ...

A Democrat and a Republican were walking along the beach when they spotted a bottle.

They picked it up and a genie popped out.

"I will grant you each one wish, whatever you desire", said the genie.

The Democrat said, "I would like for my fellow liberals and I to live the life and exist under the form of government we believe in!" POOF! All the Democrats in America were...

In the teats and comdoms factory.

The mayor is visiting a new factory where they make teats and comdoms. When they are near the machine that makes teats it sounds like

"fffff pop,
fffff pop,
fffff pop..."

The mayor asked her assistant to explain it.

Assistant: Well the "fffff" is when the latex gets inflat...

What's the best form of fighting music?

Beat boxing

What’s the most popular form of photography in American high schools?

Point and shoot.

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If your body is a temple...

Then all the people you fuck form a cult.

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The S’wan (long)

A burly sailor gets brought into an infirmary staffed by a bunch of postulate nuns, girls barely 18 preparing to become full nuns, and of course, run by a few gruff sisters.

Being good Catholics in a small Newfoundland seaside town, such oddities rarely found their way to their front door. T...

Why did the orange have so much trouble forming a rap duo?

No one rhymes with orange.

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Back in the U.S.S.R.

An old Jew is on his deathbed. With weak voice he asks to call for a partorg because before his death he wants to join the Communist Party. A happy partorg rushes to him with filled out membership form to sign and a ready Party membership card. As the Jew signs the form he carefully takes the member...

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A politician ends up in hell.

So a politician ends up in hell.
The devil looks at him and say “mmm never had one of your types down here before. You’re the first one God sent down here. But based on your past record on earth, you definitely belong down here”

With in a matter of weeks the politician starts to weasel hi...

An original light bulb story

A student, let's call him Kevin, was having an oral exam in philosophy with his professor. Naturally, Kevin didn't study and couldn't answer any of the questions, even the easiest ones. The professor felt pity for him and gave him one last chance:

"Ok Kevin, if you can answer this question y...

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An angel is making his rounds on earth, when he comes across a pair of statues in a park, beautiful nude sculptures of a man and woman facing eachother..

They are placed at the entrance to the park, and the angel is stuck by how beautiful they are, and how tragic it is for then to be eternally so close, yet unable to touch. He decides he will use some of his power to animate them, and in an instant they stand before him.

"I have seen how dilig...

There once was a job application form

There once was a job application form that said: “help wanted! Looking for people that are bilingual, able to make a computer program and able to make a robot!”, which a street dog was staring at, and it entered the building. The dog then enters the interviewing room and sits on the chair. The inter...

In which form would the enormous poet always write his poems?

In Iambig Pentameter

There are so many forms of martial arts, it’s hard to keep track of.

Kind of.. Kung Fusing

How do computers form intimate relations?

They insert the floppy into the disc drive.

The Iranians and Italians have jointly formed a university.

Ayatollah U

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden.

He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was.
Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.
Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what had captured her attention. He noti...

The first 5G cell phone mast in town is put up

Suddenly, all sorts of people develop medical conditions. A citizens' initiative against the mast is formed. A public hearing is organized with the mayor and representatives of the telecom company. The people bring forward all the ailments they suffer from since the mast was erected.

The tele...

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A joke that’s got me various death threats

So there was a horse, and this horse was really talented. He was great on guitar. One day he found himself watching youtube and stumbled upon a Jimi Hendrix song which inspired him to start a cover. He practised this cover really hard, eventually becoming inspired to create a cover of a whole Jimi H...

In highschool, my girlfriend and I were asked to rearrange PNSEI to form a word

She said Spine and went on to become a doctor.
And the rest of us are reading this on reddit

Friend told me to stop filing taxes and go watch anime with him

but this isn't even my final form.

People always cry when cutting onions.

The trick is not to form an emotional bond.

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I ran into the drummer from my old high school garage band...

After the usual "we should get the band back together" bullshit, we started talking about how life has been over all these years gone by.

I told him my wife (coincidentally, also a guitar player) and I have 6 happy and healthy kids now. And how, oh so cleverly, we named them after the common ...

A professor in South Africa is teaching her students how to form Emglish sentences.

“Attention class I have two words: Cheetah, and dandelion. Can anybody use these together in a sentence?”

One student raises their hand,

“The cheetah is faster dandelion.”

Once upon a time in a distant land, the people looked up to the heavens and prayed to their gods to bless them with bountiful harvest and send them messiahs in human form

Europeans showed up instead....

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They say that sex is the best form of exercise

Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every three months is going to shift this beer belly.

Apparently 25% of women are on some form of medication for mental illness. 25%! That's horrifying.

It means 75% of them are running around untreated!

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A man walks into a bar and sees his friend sitting beside a 12-inch pianist.

He says to his friend, "That's amazing. Where did he come from?"
The friend pulls out an old lamp and tells him the genie inside will grant him one wish. The man rubs the bottle, and to his amazement, a puff of purple smoke spews out and slowly collects in the form of a genie. In a booming voice ...

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The Lesson!

Once upon a time, there was a nonconforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started southward. In a short time, ice began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen. A cow passed by and crap...

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When the bathroom is closed at the local bar, a man makes a bet with the bartender [Longish Story]

"Sorry sir, the bathroom is closed. You will have to go elsewhere", stated the bartender.

"Elsewhere, you say?" said the man, the wheels slowly clanking into place in his head forming an idea. He ushers the man into the closed bathroom by the sink. "Since I can't pee in this toilet like my gr...

Does anybody know if making clothes for nuns is habit forming?

Asking for a friend.

There was this drunk walking down the street

He walks up to this cop and he says, “man, somebody stole my car”.

And the cops says, “well where was it”... and he says “it was right on the end of this key”.

The cop says, “I don’t know man, why don’t you go down to the precinct house and report it down there. They’ll fill out all t...

There’s a more virulent form of MRSA going around

It’s WRSA.

Two old men, who are growing very old and love the sport of baseball make a pact with each other one day...

These men love the game, they always talk the off-season trades, the winter meetings, watch every game of the season, and recollect on the players of their hay day. So they decide to form a pact. The first one to die will come back to the other and inform them if there is baseball in heaven.

...

My favorite form of birth control is a condom inside a condom inside a condom...

Contraception

a meteor strikes the earth killing everything and the only surviving life form is a hungry alpaca.

ALPACALIPS

Which superhero is also a form of transport?

Bus Lightyear!

Receiving a kiss while sleeping is the most pure form of love there is...

Unless you're in prison

Whats you father's occupation?

Asked the school secretary, filling in the forms at the start of the academic year. "He's a magician," said the small boy. "How interesting! What's his favorite trick? "Sawing people in half." "Really? Now, next question. Any brothers or sisters?' "Yes, one half brother and two half-sisters."

There once was a Roman named Vitus, he developed the first form of haircoloring. It was a sort of paste that changed his blonde hair to red. However, a side effect was incredibly bad breath.

This became known as the first confirmed case of Gingervitis.

If you take all the veins in your body and lay it on the floor to form a straight line

If you take all the veins in your body and lay it on the floor to form a straight line, you will die.

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A bus full of nuns is driving through the Italian Alps...

When all of a sudden the driver misses a turn and the bus is launched of the edge of the cliff, rolls down the side of the mountain and explodes in a spectacular ball of flames.

A few moments later, St. Peter, who was expecting an easy day, found himself faced with 50 newly deceased and quite...

Why doesn't iron form a good bond with other metals?

Because it has rust issues!

Out in space two alien life forms are speaking with each other.

The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."
The second alien, who looks exactly like the first, asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"
The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have them aimed at themselves."

No application forms

What’s the process of applying for a job at Hooters?

They just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out.”

I have heard that self deprecation is the highest form of comedy

Too bad I'm not funny.

A single zombie is scary, but a row of zombies forms something even scarier...

A deadline.

Russian emergency !

Russian President Putin called President Trump with an emergency:

"Our largest condom factory has exploded," the Russian President cried.

"My people's favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!"

"Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within t...

Form the self employer's handbook:

There is no "we" in "team"

They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery

They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Turns out the parents of that cerebral palsy kid on my street strongly disagree.

A man had a wish that he really wanted to come true.

He prayed to God for a week but He never answered his prayers. So the man traveled to the woods in hopes of asking the Devil instead.

At the woods, he found a hill with a naturally-formed pentagon of rocks. It was there where he invoked the Devil, and to his surprise, he came, looking like an...

Teacher " Who can form a sentence using 'dandelion' ?"

Tyrone : De Cheetah is fasta Dandelion.

So apparently there is now a social awareness group that formed to protect corpses from necrophiliacs!

#MeTomb

I got fired form the zoo.

Apparently the sign "Don't feed the animals" was only meant for the visitors.

Surfing is a form of torture

Because technically it's water boarding.

When I was young I decided to go to medical school. At the entrance exam we were asked to rearrange the letters PNEIS to form the name of an important body part.

Those who said spine are doctors today. The rest of us went to flight school.

Coffee isn't electrically conductive in bean form.

But it is when it's ground.

My daughter identifies as a small group of words standing together as a conceptual unit, typically forming a component of a clause.

Should I be worried or is it just a phrase?

What was the first form of digital storage?

gloves

A prose met a metaphor at a junction and asked what style are we using for the form papers to which the simile who just happened to walk by responded with

The subjective object of not writing :)

What is Jesus's least favorite form of exercise?

CrossFit

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Puns are the number one highest form of comedy.

But poop jokes are a solid number two.

In what form of writing is killing the main character a good idea?

An Autobiography.

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