UPJOKE
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Form Jokes

Out in space two alien life forms are speaking with each other.

The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."
The second alien, who looks exactly like the first, asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"
The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have them aimed at themselves."

If Marie Antoinette, Anne Boleyn, Charles I, and Louis XVI formed a band, what would its name be?

The Talking Heads.

If Will Smith, Amber Heard, and Chris Brown formed a band, what would its name be?

The Heavy Hitters.

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My friend started a tattoo parlor that only accepts payment in the form of flashing.

They named it tit for tat.

A professor in South Africa is teaching her students how to form Emglish sentences.

“Attention class I have two words: Cheetah, and dandelion. Can anybody use these together in a sentence?”

One student raises their hand,

“The cheetah is faster dandelion.”

What's a necromancer's favorite form of exercise?

Deadlifts.

A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, “In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative.”

But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”

Why do fish form schools, but ants form colonies?

Cause *truants* don't go to school!

(I came up with this right now)

Koi fish are incredibly intelligent, and naturally form groups of four fish, with each having a specialized role.

The group is always led by a “leader fish”, called koi A. The other three fish will follow it everywhere.

Koi B is in charge of hunting for the group, and will report back to them with the location of food.

Koi C is usually a large, aggressive female. She protects the group from thre...

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Puns are the number one, highest form of comedy.

But poop jokes are a solid number 2.

[fake] edit: It's your duty to post your best worst puns now.

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I heard they make Viagra in a liquid form now

That's good news because before it was a hard pill to swallow, but now I can enjoy a good stiff drink

The plural form of “polenta”

Is “polenty”.

what do you call the female form of detergent?

deterlady

New Income Tax Form

New simplified income tax form has only four lines:

1. What was your income?

2. How much tax have you already paid?

3. Subtract #2 from #1.

4. Send in the result from #3.

What's the best form of birth control after 50?

Nudity

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Puns are the only form of humor where a groan is high praise and a laugh is a fair attempt.

Well, that and sex.

I got fired form the zoo.

Apparently the sign "Don't feed the animals" was only meant for the visitors.

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This is a translated joke form my country (Ethiopia)

Two mental patients were walking when they spotted an odd thing on their path and they started arguing about what it was. Patient one said "It looks like honey" but patient two argued "No this is definitely poo" so they argued for quite sometime until they figured out a solution, one of them would t...

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They say that sex is the best form of exercise

Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every three months is going to shift this beer belly.

Release the vaccine in vape form.

I promise you no one will ask what’s in it at that point.

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The truest form of self-deception

The truest form of self-deception: Faking an orgasm when masturbating.

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Yodelling isn't just a form of singing.

It's also a warning that old jedi will fuck you if you're dishonest.
Because Yoda lay he who lie.

What's the best form of protection when you don't have a condom?

A fake name

Ever wonder why the IRS calls it Form 1040?

Because for every $50 that you earn, you get 10 and they get 40.

My only form of income is donating blood

It's sucking the life out of me

Self-deprecating humour is the lowest form of entertainment.

And I can't even get *that* right.

I just formed a grunge band and named it "1023 Megabytes"

... haven't gotten a gig yet though.

I formed a new musical group called Katniss...

It's a tribute band.

My favorite form of birth control is a condom inside a condom inside a condom...

Contraception

How many jurors does it take to fill out one form?

Apparently more than 7.

Would the people who signed up for the yodelling class please form an

orderly, orderly, orderly, orderly-y queue?

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Did you know there is a generic form of Viagra? It’s called…

Mycoxafloppin

There are a pair of twins called Ving and Ling. Ving decided to go to the town hall to change his name. Ling decided to give him a lift there. When they arrived Ling reminded Ving that he would disgrace their family if he changed his name to Lee.

Ving takes a form and quickly fills it out to change his name. He sends off the form, but immediately starts to regret it. He is told that to revoke his form he must pay a small fee. Ling takes out her purse and is about to hand over the money when suddenly…
A man, their father, bursts through th...

What's the saddest form of transportation?

A moped.

What is the highest form of flattery?

A plateau

Aside from King Crimson, did any other seminal progressive rock bands form in London in 1968?

Yes

I have invented microscopic robots that can form the face of Robin Williams.

I call them "nanu-nanubots."

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In USSR we had this joke

An old Jew is on his deathbed. With weak voice he asks to call for a partorg because before his death he wants to join the Communist Party. A happy partorg rushes to him with filled out membership form to sign and a ready Party membership card. As the Jew signs the form he carefully takes the member...

[NsFw] What was Lorena Bobbitt's favorite form of mischief?

Ding dong ditch.

What was Jesus Christ's least favorite form of exercise?

Cross fit.

A single zombie is scary, but a row of zombies forms something even scarier...

A deadline.

There are two forms of English

The queen's English and spelling mistakes

What's the fastest form of communication?

Sign language....since it travels at the speed of light.

My friend asked whats my favourite form of cardio

Jumping to conclusions

What was the first form of digital storage?

gloves

A rather drunk lieutenant formed up the platoon:

"Soldiers, why is the formation so crooked?"
"Because the Earth is round!" - someone called out.
"Who said that?"
"Galileo."
"Galileo, step forward!"
"But he has died long ago!"
"So then?! People here are dying, and no one is reporting this to me?"
...

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What is adjective form of asshole?

Colonial

What do cats call their human form?

Their purr-sona.

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What's the highest form of bravery?

A mouse walking through the house with a boner shouting "Here kitty kitty, here kitty kitty!"

Did you know that chicken strips are a new form of currency in some areas?

They’re considered legal “tender”

Some crocodiles formed a band that does parody songs.

It's a pun croc band.

Y'know how ants will sacrifice themselves to form a bridge?

I read that when ants approach an obstacle such as water/oil/etc they will sacrifice themselves and form a chain to create a bridge across said obstacle. The coolest part to me is that the males specifically line up to form the bridge and protect the females. Apparently this is because they are not ...

Me and my wife decided to form a suicide pact...

Weird thing was that after she killed herself, I didn't feel like dying anymore.

How do computers form intimate relations?

They insert the floppy into the disc drive.

Einstein, Hawking, Heisenberg and Schrödinger formed a band.

It's called "The Inconvenient Truths."

They play music with that old Al Gore Rhythm.

I have a very mild form of Coronavirus.

Heinekenvirus.

A group of dyslexic men form a soccer team

When they got down to the name of their team they went with "Dyslexia untied"

Why was the narrow strip of land with sea on either side, forming a link between two larger areas of land so happy?

It was a merry isthmus!

What is the plural form of rice

Answer: Extra rice

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What is the most popular form of martial arts in Israel?

Jew - Jitsu

Form the self employer's handbook:

There is no "we" in "team"

Dental Forms

At the dentist's office for oral surgery, I was handed a couple of forms to fill out. As I signed the first one, I joked with the receptionist, "Does this say that even if you pull my head completely off, I can't sue you?"

"No, that's the next sheet. This one says you still have to pay us."

There once was a job application form

There once was a job application form that said: “help wanted! Looking for people that are bilingual, able to make a computer program and able to make a robot!”, which a street dog was staring at, and it entered the building. The dog then enters the interviewing room and sits on the chair. The inter...

Why God created the man in the form he is?

When God created the donkey and told him:

\- You're gonna be working all day long and you'll carry the heaviest loads on your back. You'll eat grass and you won't be so smart. You'll live 50 years.

Then the donkey said:

\- 50 years of the kind of life and suffering is a lot. Giv...

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I'm glad the short form of cockroach is roach and not the other way around.

I dont think people want to hear 'There's a cock in my bedroom'

My psychiatrist wrote on my evaluation form that I have ocd.

I had to correct it to OCD.

Receiving a kiss while sleeping is the most pure form of love there is...

Unless you're in prison

I have heard that self deprecation is the highest form of comedy

Too bad I'm not funny.

I decided to take up a new art form called long exposures

the best part is, you don't even need a camera.

TIL there's one country that still doesn't use ANY form of electronic money transfer.

It's the Cheque Republic

Why are bald jokes the deepest form of humour

Because they cause reflection

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Son: Dad, why is destruction a form of creation?

Dad: Well son, you see, I destroyed your mom's pussy to create your ass.

Eminem is moving to the middle east to form his own country.

It'll be called Irap.

Me and my friend are going to form a band called 'the duvets'

Mainly going to be a cover band

Intelligent life forms

Why is it that when man searches for intelligent life forms they direct the sensors away from the earth?

What's the best form of fighting music?

Beat boxing

Hey have you heard of the sommeliers that formed a rock band?

They're called *Effervescence*. Their hit singles include *"My Last Breathalyzer Test"* and *"Bring Me More Wine"*. And who could forget *"Lacrymismosa"*?

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A small business owner is filling out some forms for the government.

One of the questions asks: please list the employees you have, broken down by sex.

The man replied: None. Although a few do sometimes come in late.

Apparently scarves are the most dangerous form of winter clothing.

The least dangerous are sweater vests. They’re completely armless

Did you hear about that music band formed from ex potato chip workers?

They called themselves “panic at Nabisco”

There are so many forms of martial arts, it’s hard to keep track of.

Kind of.. Kung Fusing

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Did you hear they finally released Viagra in generic form?

The next time your are at the pharmacy ask for coxbphlopin.

Johnny is walking home form school...

Johnny is walking home from school. He received a bad grade on a test and then got in trouble at school. Walking up his small farm driveway he knows he is going to be in trouble and is a bad mood.

On his way to the door a chicken walks in front of him. Out of anger Johnny walks over and say...

Surfing is a form of torture

Because technically it's water boarding.

In highschool, my girlfriend and I were asked to rearrange PNSEI to form a word

She said Spine and went on to become a doctor.
And the rest of us are reading this on reddit

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Pedophiles are basically another form of hipsters...

... they are into people before it's cool.

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Being asexual is the ultamate form of not giving a fuck.

Because you dont give fucks.

What form of birth control works better with holes in it?

Crocs

Self deprecation is definitely the lowest form of humour.

that's why I use it all the time

After the dinosaurs died out, mammals became the dominant life form.

Unlike dinosaurs, which had scales and feathers, mammals are covered in fur.

I guess you could say things got a little bit hairy after the asteroud hit.

Coffee isn't electrically conductive in bean form.

But it is when it's ground.

During this period of the pandemic, a group of extraordinarily thin people came together to form a band.

It was a massive success. They were the best in their fields. The violin, oh so melodious! The synth on point everytime. The acoustics, superb.

One time they were offered to perform a virtual concert. All the tickets sold out.

But when the time came for them to perform, they couldn't c...

Jokes about Feminine Hygiene are the lowest form of humor

Period.

There’s a more virulent form of MRSA going around

It’s WRSA.

What is Thanos favorite form of social media

SNAPchat

Being Kissed While You're Asleep is Purest Forms Of Love,

Not When You Live Alone.

TEACHER: Today you'll give an example of a pronoun each and form a sentence with it.

JOHN: HER

TEACHER: Ok, your sentence?

JOHN: Give her her book. It's hers.

TEACHER: That's good. Yes who's next?


DAVE: HIM

TEACHER: Your Sentence?

DAVE: Give him him book. It's hims.

Guys, I think the Monks are forming a Resistance..

They just keep saying "Ohmmm.. Ohmmm..."

My friend joined a cult. They believe that one day they will cease to exist in their human form, and become water vapor.

I told him, "you will be mist".

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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first mathematician orders a beer

The second orders half a beer

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender rema...

What’s the most popular form of photography in American high schools?

Point and shoot.

I filled out a form wrong and accidentally gave a patient a bag of the wrong blood type.

It was a Type-O

Research shows that facial tattoos completely eliminate certain forms of anxiety

For example, you'll never need to worry about finding a job

A teacher asks her students to form a sentence with the word 'dandelion'

The Jamaican kid stands up and says da cheetah ran fasta dan de lion!

A rich Arab oil sheikh discovers he has a rare form of blood cancer

He scours the world looking for a match for his blood type, which is also rare. He discovers a Scottish man as a match and the Scottish man agrees to donate blood to him.

The sheikh rewards him with lavish gifts; fancy cars, a mansion and the finest luxury clothes.

Two years later, the...

I formed a support group for people who suffer from Agoraphobia.

Unfortunately it didn't work out. Everyone wanted to have it at their place.

Why doesn't iron form a good bond with other metals?

Because it has rust issues!

Almost got fired today for filling out a requisition form in Spanish.

No one expected it.

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[NSFW] Women have a new form a birth control

She'll fuck a guy real hard and then about half-way through lay on her back and then take it up the ass. It's called *The Falcon Method*.

The members of the newly-formed Justice League were introducing themselves to each other.

S: “I’m Superman; I can fly, move at super speed, and have super strength.”

B: “I’m Batman; I’m the world’s greatest detective, master of many martial arts, and have gadgets that can do almost anything.”

GL: “I’m Green Lantern; my emerald bling can create constructs of anything I can i...

Fellas, if your girl has some form of Polyethylene terephthalate in the shape of an equiangular quadrilateral with the hex code of ff0000

get out fast, that’s a red flag.


Credit to u/wcollins260

What’s the most common form of birth control at Hogwart’s?

*Coitus Interruptus*

What form of communication was used in Atlantis?

Hydroglyphs

A man walks into an Indian restaurant.

The waiter asks, “have you ever ordered here before?”

The man replies, “No, I haven’t.”

The waiter continues, “We’re a little different here. Before you order, I need you read and sign this form,” and he hands a piece of paper to the man.

The man squints at the paper and reads t...

I have a form of dyslexia for words

At the end of a sentence I sometimes say the wrong sauce

Badly formed wordplay is utter torture

Truly, you could say it is pun-ishment.

I renamed my toilet form John to Jim the other day-

-that way, I can tell people that I wake up and go to the Jim every morning.

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