I just formed a grunge band and named it "1023 Megabytes"

... haven't gotten a gig yet though.

I have a very mild form of Coronavirus.

Heinekenvirus.

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What is the name of the generic form of Viagra?

Mycoxafailin

A group of dyslexic men form a soccer team

When they got down to the name of their team they went with "Dyslexia untied"

A man spills a glass of water, and the water trickles and forms a line on the floor. He then spills a glass of milk, and it also makes a line. But to his shock, when he spills a glass of punch...

...there is no punchline

What's one form of communication God will never use to speak with you?

Fax

TEACHER: Today you'll give an example of a pronoun each and form a sentence with it.

JOHN: HER

TEACHER: Ok, your sentence?

JOHN: Give her her book. It's hers.

TEACHER: That's good. Yes who's next?


DAVE: HIM

TEACHER: Your Sentence?

DAVE: Give him him book. It's hims.

According to Whitney Houston, what is the most important form of co-ordination?

HAND EYEEE-E-EYE

Me and my friend are going to form a band called 'the duvets'

Mainly going to be a cover band

What's the best form of fighting music?

Beat boxing

If you’re here for yodeling lessons please form an

Orderly, Orderly, Orderly Queue

What’s the most popular form of photography in American high schools?

Point and shoot.

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Scientist: My invention can creat matter in all three forms. Gas, liquid and solid.

My asshole: You know, I’m something of a scientist myself.

Friend told me to stop filing taxes and go watch anime with him

but this isn't even my final form.

A new leaked government tape shows that a Mars rover saw some sort of feline life form on Mars.

However, before they could get any more info, Curiosity killed the cat.

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My doctor enquired if I was getting enough exercise. "Does sex count as exercise?" I asked. "Yes, it's a very good form of exercise" he replied.

"No then" I said

In which form would the enormous poet always write his poems?

In Iambig Pentameter

What is the highest form of flattery?

A plateau

Why are most of the reddit jokes nowadays in the form of stupid questions with even stupider punchlines?

Because Engineers have nothing better to do.

-Engineering Student

Why did the orange have so much trouble forming a rap duo?

No one rhymes with orange.

The Iranians and Italians have jointly formed a university.

Ayatollah U

A linguistic professor was giving a lecture.

" In English, a double negative becomes a positive. But it is not true for every language. In Russian, a double negative still remains a negative. However, there is no language where a double positive can form a negative."

Student - "yeah, right".

How do computers form intimate relations?

They insert the floppy into the disc drive.

There once was a job application form

There once was a job application form that said: “help wanted! Looking for people that are bilingual, able to make a computer program and able to make a robot!”, which a street dog was staring at, and it entered the building. The dog then enters the interviewing room and sits on the chair. The inter...

Does anybody know if making clothes for nuns is habit forming?

Asking for a friend.

There are so many forms of martial arts, it’s hard to keep track of.

Kind of.. Kung Fusing

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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first mathematician orders a beer

The second orders half a beer

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender remarks....

There once was a Roman named Vitus, he developed the first form of haircoloring. It was a sort of paste that changed his blonde hair to red. However, a side effect was incredibly bad breath.

This became known as the first confirmed case of Gingervitis.

The caretaker of a generation ship was on his death bed

Many years before, Jacques had helped place all his friends and family into cryogenic sleep. He was a young man then and they all knew that he would likely be long dead by the time they reached their destination. They said their tearful goodbyes and drifted off to sleep.

In the years he spent...

Adam meets a witch

The witch tells him: "Tell me I am pretty or you will be cursed"!

Adam: "Sorry, but I don't find you attractive."

Witch: "Take that back, or you most surely *will* be cursed!

Adam: "Nope. You're hideous."

The witch then transformed him into an ant.

Witch: "Look whe...

Which superhero is also a form of transport?

Bus Lightyear!

a meteor strikes the earth killing everything and the only surviving life form is a hungry alpaca.

ALPACALIPS

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An extremely attractive young blond woman goes to a massage parlor.

She explains that this will be her first massage, and she really has no idea what to expect. The masseur tells her she'll need to disrobe and lie on the table. The young woman blushes, but strips off all of her clothes, struts across the room, and lies on the massage table.

The masseur can't...

In highschool, my girlfriend and I were asked to rearrange PNSEI to form a word

She said Spine and went on to become a doctor.
And the rest of us are reading this on reddit

Apparently 25% of women are on some form of medication for mental illness. 25%! That's horrifying.

It means 75% of them are running around untreated!

There’s a more virulent form of MRSA going around

It’s WRSA.

A blonde couple was delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end.

The adoption center called and told them that they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.

On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.

After they filled out the forms, the ...

In space, two aliens are talking to each other

The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the Earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."

The second alien asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"

The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have aimed at themselves"

No application forms

What’s the process of applying for a job at Hooters?

They just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out.”

Why doesn't iron form a good bond with other metals?

Because it has rust issues!

Stupid joke in description, too short to split into title and desc

A plateau is the highest form of flattery.

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They say that sex is the best form of exercise

Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every three months is going to shift this beer belly.

What did people say when the inventor of the Dry Erase Board showed off his new invention.

That's Remarkable!

Terrible joke, came to me on the toilet early, but I had to say it. And it's also likely be told in some form before.

Surfing is a form of torture

Because technically it's water boarding.

This drunk walks up to a cop and says "someone stole my car."

The cop says "well where was it?" And the guy says "It was right on the end of this key."

The cops thinks for a minute and says "I dunno man why dont you go on down to the station and report it there. They'll have you fill out all the proper forms and all that."

The guy says "alright"...

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Pretty meta bro

Cake day posts are annoying and uncreative, so many people make anti cake day posts. These can be just as bad, and are only rarely funny if they are posted on the poster's cake day, (aka: anti cake day cake day posts). This possess a bit of a conundrum, as here in Reddit, we make fun of things, but ...

They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery

They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Turns out the parents of that cerebral palsy kid on my street strongly disagree.

A professor in South Africa is teaching her students how to form Emglish sentences.

“Attention class I have two words: Cheetah, and dandelion. Can anybody use these together in a sentence?”

One student raises their hand,

“The cheetah is faster dandelion.”

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A little old lady walked into the Bank of Canada

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because "it’s a lot of money." After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president’s office. The ...

Form the self employer's handbook:

There is no "we" in "team"

Teacher " Who can form a sentence using 'dandelion' ?"

Tyrone : De Cheetah is fasta Dandelion.

My favorite form of birth control is a condom inside a condom inside a condom...

Contraception

Receiving a kiss while sleeping is the most pure form of love there is...

Unless you're in prison

I have heard that self deprecation is the highest form of comedy

Too bad I'm not funny.

A prose met a metaphor at a junction and asked what style are we using for the form papers to which the simile who just happened to walk by responded with

The subjective object of not writing :)

A priest is stranded in the middle of the ocean with no food, water, or any form of communication.

This priest is praying to God, asking to be saved. Shortly after, a boat comes along and the captain stops to see if he can help the priest.

"Do you need help, sir?" Asked the captain.

"No, God will save me." Replied the priest determined that such was true.

"Alright." Said th...

Coffee isn't electrically conductive in bean form.

But it is when it's ground.

It was the height of the Clone Wars, and Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin had just finished a heated battle against separatist spacecraft.

After making sure that the civilian freighter they were escorting was undamaged, they prepared to hyperspace jump back to Coruscant. However, just as their craft are about to enter lightspeed, a mysterious pulse of energy fries their systems and instead jumps them to a planet they’ve never seen befo...

Two Leafs fans die and go to hell

The devil greets them at the gate and shows them to their new home. Having lived in northern Ontario their whole lives, the two men are excited to enjoy hell's warmer climate. They immediately shed a few layers and kick back with a couple cold beers. The devil, none too pleased with their enthusiasm...

So apparently there is now a social awareness group that formed to protect corpses from necrophiliacs!

#MeTomb

In the exam for a med school, students were asked to rearrange the letters, N E P I S to form a body part.

Those who formed SPINE are doctors now.

My neighbour used to sell Ukranian eggs.

If you don't know what those are, it's when you draw on eggs with wax and then soak them in coloured dyes to create special designs. It's an art form called Pysanky - you should look it up.


He used to sell them out of a little stall in his front garden. I never really saw many people bu...

When I was young I decided to go to medical school. At the entrance exam we were asked to rearrange the letters PNEIS to form the name of an important body part.

Those who said spine are doctors today. The rest of us went to flight school.

An MIT linguistics professor

An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In english" he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages such as Russian, a double negative remains negative. But there isnt a sigle language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."...

A single zombie is scary, but a row of zombies forms something even scarier...

A deadline.

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Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors.

Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors. There to greet them is none other than Satan, who tells them a secret method to getting into Heaven: Each man must spend 1,000 years in a room with their greatest vice. ...

One day a man decided to retire... He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How...

What do British people do when there is a traffic jam at a roundabout?

They form a Q.

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.

The store clerk called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor.

The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the
Catholic Hospital.

A nun was s...

The police get a call about a house two blocks away when on the night shift...

The caller doesn't say much but she says she often sees lots of money coming and going from the house and hears machines running all night and day.

The police put together a swat team just in case things go sideways.

They bust down the door to the house and find row upon row of washin...

Lice have become resistant to most conventional forms of treatment

Scientists are scratching their heads.

Did you know that 38% of American women are on medications for being some form of crazy?

This is terrifying because that means that 62% of American women are walking around unmedicated!

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Viagra

All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. Example, the trade name is Tylenol and it’s generic name is Acetaminophen.. Aleve is also called Naproxen.

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen. The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra...

TIL about Romantic-era Trading Cards

In the Romantic period, the ever-bored 1% invented the first form of trading cards, with holy Christian figures as their rare collectibles. Franz Schubert was one of the most prolific collectors, though before he could complete his collection, an untimely death took him. As he lay dying, he expresse...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Puns are the number one highest form of comedy.

But poop jokes are a solid number two.

In what form of writing is killing the main character a good idea?

An Autobiography.

My daughter identifies as a small group of words standing together as a conceptual unit, typically forming a component of a clause.

Should I be worried or is it just a phrase?

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2 lovers are walking by a grave site when the mood hits them ....

They can't contain themselves and decided to duck into the yard for a little enjoyment of each other. Looking around they decided to head over to one of the flat stones on the ground and do their business. A few days later the woman complained about her lower back hurting, being that she was mainl...

I got fired form the zoo.

Apparently the sign "Don't feed the animals" was only meant for the visitors.

Being kissed when you are asleep is one of the most purest forms of love

Unless you are in prison

What was the first form of digital storage?

gloves

Dental Forms

At the dentist's office for oral surgery, I was handed a couple of forms to fill out. As I signed the first one, I joked with the receptionist, "Does this say that even if you pull my head completely off, I can't sue you?"

"No, that's the next sheet. This one says you still have to pay us."

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An American walks into a pub in Ireland

...he sits down next to an old, mangled Irishman who is clearly on his umpteenth drink of the afternoon.

As the American orders a beer, the Irishman leans over to him and says:

> What’d ya think of this bar, young man?

“It’s nice.” The American says, nonplussed. He just wan...

What is Thanos favorite form of social media

SNAPchat

What is Jesus's least favorite form of exercise?

CrossFit

How does a logician explain why long lines tend to form at the restroom after a movie?

If a lot of people have to urinate, a long line will tend to form. A lot of people *do* have to urinate after a movie, and thus there is a long restroom line. Put a bit more formally:
Pee implies queue. Pee, therefore queue.

With the announcement that gel is being used by men as a form of birth control has many women upset

It must be a tough pill for them to swallow

The new image shows the black hole having bright ring formed as photons from light gets drawn in the intense gravity around a black hole that is 6.5 billion times more massive than the Sun…

..but it still doesn't suck more than your Mom.

We should not in any way, shape, or form make fun of female's time of the month

Period.

What form of communication was used in Atlantis?

Hydroglyphs

Guys, I think the Monks are forming a Resistance..

They just keep saying "Ohmmm.. Ohmmm..."

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I made my girlfriend sign a consent form before we had sex.

It was a big deal.

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The man and the horse couldn’t agree on what to name the new planet

Despite hours of brainstorms and workshops, the man and the horse couldn’t agree on what to name the new planet.

“New Terra is the sensible choice”, said the man, exasperated.

“Don’t give me that more-evolved-than-thou horse-shit”, said the horse, “why don’t you let a non-dominant life...

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Norwegian Virgin

Olof Swenson, out in his pasture in northern Minnesota , took a lightning-quick kick from a cow...right in his crotch. Writhing in agony, he fell to the ground.

As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said: “How bad is it Doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next veek and my f...

Badly formed wordplay is utter torture

Truly, you could say it is pun-ishment.

How many Buzzfeed workers does it take to form a firing squad?

10. But number 5 will blow your mind!

Almost got fired today for filling out a requisition form in Spanish.

No one expected it.

We were at Kyle's place last week and had an idea

You know how everyone has occasionally had the great idea to try and snort assorted things? Like pixie stix and rock candy? That's where this story takes place.

Somehow the topic of conversation wandered to the effects of cocaine and other substances on the nostrils. The attention seeker of t...

So, Hillary Clinton does a presentation at a high school to inform youngsters about politics and encourage them to be more politically active and engage in the civil process more.

After she’s done, she invites people to form a line behind a microphone to ask questions to her. One little fifth grader, called Kennith, steps up to the plate.

“What’s your name?” asks Hillary.

“Kennith,” replies the boy.

Hillary asks, “What’s your question, Kennith?”

...

Stellar black holes are formed by the collapse of a massive star.

Fingers crossed it's James Corden

Many people think that when warm droplets of water in the air are rapidly cooled it forms fog...

But it’s actually a common mist-conception!

On an examination paper, The professor required his students to sign a form stating they had received no outside assistance...

....Unsure of whether he should sign the form, a student stated that he had prayed for the assistance of God.

The professor carefully studied the answer script....

...and then said: "You can sign with a clear conscience. God did not assist you."

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I just emailed in my application form for a dominatrix club..." he tells the bartender.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I just emailed in my application form for a dominatrix club..." he tells the bartender. "What happened?" the bartender asks. "I got an instant reply thanking me for my submission."

I googled the world's funniest joke

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night, Holmes woke Watson up and said, "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see".
Watson said: "I see millions and millions of stars",
Holmes asked...

A woman goes to the pet store to buy a parrot

(Long)

She walks in and the merchant shows her the only parrot they have available. "I must warn you" the merchant said, "this parrot was owned previously buy a sailor and has very foul language". Well the woman, like most of us, thought she could change the parrot so she takes the parrot hom...

Did you hear silicon valley is seceding from the USA?

Theyre forming the USB

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During an ecumenical assembly, a secretary rushed in shouting, “The building is on fire!”

The Methodists prayed in a corner.
The Baptists wondered where they could find water. The Quakers quietly praised God for the blessings that fire brings.
The Lutherans posted a notice on the door announcing the fire was evil.
The Roman Catholics passed the plate to cover the cost of the ...

Intelligent life forms

Why is it that when man searches for intelligent life forms they direct the sensors away from the earth?

Never get stuck behind the devil in a Post Office queue

For the devil can take many forms

Why did the rooster cross the road?

In these troubled times, it can be hard to truly understand anyone’s motivations. True, the grass is always greener on the other side, and one might cross the road in hopes that those pastures truly will be more full of bird seed and such. But in doing so, one risks not only the near certain death...

Very long.

First off, let me describe to you a little creature.

There lives in the forest a little guy known as a 'Twid'. A Twid resembles nothing so much as a Smurf on psychedelics. They have punked out hair, multi-colored skin, tattoos and piercings. Also, the sole reason for a Twid's existence on th...

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Each of the polymaths was a leading figure in a different field of mathematics, and each pursued and studied a different style of painting. Together, they decided that if they co...

A dog went to the telegram office one day. He took out a blank form and wrote on it..

"Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."

Then he handed it to the clerk.

The clerk examined the paper and said to the dog, "You know there are only nine words here? You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."

The dog replied, "But that would make no sense ...

The CIA,The FBI and the KGB

The CIA, the FBI and the KGB argue about who’s the best at catching criminals.

The Secretary General of the UN decides to test them. He releases a rabbit into the woods and each of the divisions has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They ...

What do you get when you combine silver, a personal pronoun, a tattoo, and the short form of Edward?

What do you get when you combine silver, a personal pronoun, a tattoo, and the short form of Edward?

Ag I tat Ed.

I'm veeeerrrryyyyy agitated.

I have a form of dyslexia for words

At the end of a sentence I sometimes say the wrong sauce

An old joke from Isaac Asimov(fairly long).

As is well known, in this thirtieth century of ours, space travel is fearfully dull and time-consuming. In search of diversion, many crew Members defy the quarantine restrictions and pick up pets from the various habitable worlds they explore.

Jim Sloane had a rockette, which he called Teddy....

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