Lice have become resistant to most conventional forms of treatment

Scientists are scratching their heads.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

They say that sex is the best form of exercise

Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every three months is going to shift this beer belly.

Dental Forms

At the dentist's office for oral surgery, I was handed a couple of forms to fill out. As I signed the first one, I joked with the receptionist, "Does this say that even if you pull my head completely off, I can't sue you?"

"No, that's the next sheet. This one says you still have to pay us."

An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there ....

isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Puns are the number one highest form of comedy.

But poop jokes are a solid number two.

In what form of writing is killing the main character a good idea?

An Autobiography.

Receiving a kiss while sleeping is the most pure form of love there is...

Unless you're in prison

Being kissed while youre asleep is one of the most purist forms of love.

Unless you're in prison

How does a logician explain why long lines tend to form at the restroom after a movie?

If a lot of people have to urinate, a long line will tend to form. A lot of people *do* have to urinate after a movie, and thus there is a long restroom line. Put a bit more formally:
Pee implies queue. Pee, therefore queue.

I have heard that self deprecation is the highest form of comedy

Too bad I'm not funny.

What is the highest form of flattery?

A plateau.

My favorite form of birth control is a condom inside a condom inside a condom...

Contraception

How many Buzzfeed workers does it take to form a firing squad?

10. But number 5 will blow your mind!

Many people think that when warm droplets of water in the air are rapidly cooled it forms fog...

But it’s actually a common mist-conception!

What is Thanos favorite form of social media

SNAPchat

We should not in any way, shape, or form make fun of female's time of the month

Period.

What form of martial arts do hebrews practice?

Jew-jitsu

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I made my girlfriend sign a consent form before we had sex.

It was a big deal.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

They say not having sex is the best form of birth control

Well i've tried it and my wife still had a baby...

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I just emailed in my application form for a dominatrix club..." he tells the bartender.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I just emailed in my application form for a dominatrix club..." he tells the bartender. "What happened?" the bartender asks. "I got an instant reply thanking me for my submission."

A single zombie is scary, but a row of zombies forms something even scarier...

A deadline.

A professor in South Africa is teaching her students how to form Emglish sentences.

“Attention class I have two words: Cheetah, and dandelion. Can anybody use these together in a sentence?”

One student raises their hand,

“The cheetah is faster dandelion.”

What was the first form of digital storage?

gloves

I have a form of dyslexia for words

At the end of a sentence I sometimes say the wrong sauce

What do you get when you combine silver, a personal pronoun, a tattoo, and the short form of Edward?

What do you get when you combine silver, a personal pronoun, a tattoo, and the short form of Edward?

Ag I tat Ed.

I'm veeeerrrryyyyy agitated.

My girlfriend got upset when I called her a plateau...

...but that’s the highest form of flattery.

What is Jesus's least favorite form of exercise?

CrossFit

On an examination paper, The professor required his students to sign a form stating they had received no outside assistance...

....Unsure of whether he should sign the form, a student stated that he had prayed for the assistance of God.

The professor carefully studied the answer script....

...and then said: "You can sign with a clear conscience. God did not assist you."

I got fired form the zoo.

Apparently the sign "Don't feed the animals" was only meant for the visitors.

What do you call Donald Trump’s form of currency?

Trump change

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft...

Almost got fired today for filling out a requisition form in Spanish.

No one expected it.

Intelligent life forms

Why is it that when man searches for intelligent life forms they direct the sensors away from the earth?

William Shakespeare did not pioneer the modern form of a play

While the format of act 1, then a break, then act 2 was used by Shakespeare it originally came from Spain.

It was initially unpopular in Spain as people were confused by the break in the play as no one expects the *Spanish intermission*.

A dog went to the telegram office one day. He took out a blank form and wrote on it..

"Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."

Then he handed it to the clerk.

The clerk examined the paper and said to the dog, "You know there are only nine words here? You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."

The dog replied, "But that would make no sense ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My daughter asked me today:"Dad, What is sex?"

I had feared this moment would come and didn't think it would come this soon but nevertheless I was prepared.
So I sat her down and explained it all. The birds and the bees, the different sexual orientations, all the positions and of course I had to mention all the STD's and the rules of safe ...

Why are American Tax forms so annoying to complete?

I guess the IRS isn't INTUIT

TIL that koi fish are incredibly intelligent, and naturally form groups of four fish, with each having a specialized role.

The group is always led by a “leader fish”, called koi A. The other three fish will follow it everywhere.

Koi B is in charge of hunting for the group, and will report back to them with the location of food.

Koi C is usually a large, aggressive female. She protects the group from thre...

I went down to the patent office trying to register some of my inventions earlier today and walked up to the main desk to sign in when the lady pulled out a form to fill out. She asked for my personal info, wrote it down and then asked me what I had invented...

I said, 'A folding bottle.'

She said, 'Okay. What do you call it?'

'A fottle.'

'What else do you have there?'

'A folding carton.'

'OK, what do you call it?'

'A farton.'

She chuckled and said, 'Those are silly names for products and one of them sounds ...

What is Hades' favorite form of transportation?

Pogo Styx.

The newest form of birth control is putting a rock in one shoe...

...It makes you limp.

There's two forms of English.

The Queen's English, and spelling mistakes.

If a crack forms in your yard

Is it your fault?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

90 percent of adults admitted to having some form of sexual interaction in the office.

I licked an envelope once.

What's a dinosaur's favorite form of compression?

RAR files.

Out in space two alien life forms are speaking with each other.

The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."
The second alien, who looks exactly like the first, asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"
The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have them aimed at themselves."

How many polish people do you need to form a place of congregation?

Ten poles

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Me and my trans male buddy decided to form a bowling team.

We’re calling ourselves “2 Men 2 Balls 1 Goal.”

I got banned form laser tag today.

Apparently they frown on using a knife to save ammo.

A new life form is discovered on a nearby planet

It's a huge humanoid figure, almost 200 feet tall while seated. It's just sitting there. The rise and fall of the creature's chest is evident, but it doesn't seem to do anything else.

Scientists come from all over to investigate this strange being. They become more and more frustrated at...

What form of deadly martial arts are soybeans trained in?

Tofu

I've just been diagnosed with a rare form of amnesia where I can't remember a small amount of 80's music bands.

Unfortunately there is no cure.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I asked my dad, "What's the best way to form a joke?"

He explained, "Well, first, I have to come up with the right combination of words".

"Got it, then what?" I asked

"If I carefully put them together in a particular order, your mum will have sex with me and nine months later a joke pops out!"

Germany and the Czech Republic have left the EU to form their own fully integrated economy.

Their currency is called the ✓

I wanted to change my name to Dragon Ball Z...

My friend said, "Wow, that's a lot of papers you have to fill out!"
I said "Yeah, this isn't even my final form!"

Did you know that amputation is the most expensive form of surgery?

I hear it can cost you an arm and a leg.

What do you call it when clouds form in Africa?

Wakandensation

Why God created the man in the form he is?

When God created the donkey and told him:

\- You're gonna be working all day long and you'll carry the heaviest loads on your back. You'll eat grass and you won't be so smart. You'll live 50 years.

Then the donkey said:

\- 50 years of the kind of life and suffering is a lot. Giv...

My only form of income is donating blood

It's sucking the life out of me

The CIA,The FBI and the KGB

The CIA, the FBI and the KGB argue about who’s the best at catching criminals.

The Secretary General of the UN decides to test them. He releases a rabbit into the woods and each of the divisions has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Puns are the only form of humor where a groan is high praise and a laugh is a fair attempt.

Well, that and sex.

Irish line dancers have superior form

Hands down.

I've heard that people in the South think everything is better in sandwich form.

Those inbreds.

Puns are the lowest form of humour

Unless you thought of it yourself, then is hilarious

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The head nurse asked the Doctor to sign a form.

He pulls out what he thinks is a pen and tries to sign the form.
Doctor ,says the nurse...what are you doing??? that's a rectal thermometer?
Oh shit, he says... some assholes got my pen.

Me and my wife decided to form a suicide pact...

Weird thing was that after she killed herself, I didn't feel like dying anymore.

So this new little person turned up at my company today with his medical form explaining his condition.

He’d joined with a short notice

Camouflage can be seen as a form of lying

Except it can't.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

As a single guy living alone, I get invited to dinners with family friends or my parents or friends parents places. When use the bathroom I notice that every one seems they have these toilet paper holders, like little stacks of 2 to 4 brand new toilet paper rolls in some form of stacking device.....

I think back to my place & financial situation making one Toilet roll last as long as possible, to ensure that I keep to my tight budget of living alone with a dead end job.

To me it’s like these toilet roll stacks in the bathroom feel almost like a ostentatious display of the people’s li...

Self-deprecating humour is the lowest form of entertainment.

And I can't even get *that* right.

Does anybody want to hang out and form a bond over our shared interests?

I'm asking for a friend.

Is it bad form to call someone with a foot fetish...

A ped-ophile?

They say one-liners are the lowest form of comedy

That's why I only tell my jokes to midgets