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Legs Jokes

Great legs

The wife and I were in town shopping and as we came out of a store, three attractive young women aged between 18 and 20 walked by wearing tiny cropped tops and short short skirts. One of them, a tall blonde, had really fantastic long toned and tanned legs.I gently nudged my wife and said, "I bet you...

Nice Legs..

A man goes to a bar and sees a 'larger' girl dancing on a table.
He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!"
She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?"
The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

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A man with no arms and no legs is sunbathing on the beach

A beautiful woman walks over to him and says “awww you poor thing! I bet you’ve never been hugged before have you?”

He replies: “well, no actually I haven’t!”

She leans over and gives him a big hug.

“I bet you’ve never been kissed before either, have you?” she asks.

Once ...

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A girl once asked me if I was a breast or legs guy

I told her I was more into and feet

Now I’m banned from KFC

"Hey son, what has 4 legs and doesn’t breathe?”

“You’re not fooling me dad, a chair!”

“Not this time, your dog died.”

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What has three legs and four arms?

My son's drawing of a snake.

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A guy with no arms and no legs is lying on a beach... (Warning: dark humor)

Then this beautiful, voluptuous blonde comes walking by, sees the crippled guy and starts pitying him. So she walks up to him and asks him: “Would you like a kiss?”

The guy looks up and says a bit hesitantly “Um… yes!”

So the woman bends down and the two of them make out for a long whi...

What walks on 8 legs until it's one years old, 4 legs until it's twenty years old and then 2 legs for the remainder of it's life?

Fred and George Weasley.

You know what has 8 legs 8 hands and 8 eyes?

8 Pirates

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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, on the floor?

Mat.


What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, in the ocean?

Bob.


What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, in the desert?

Fucked.

What’s green, fuzzy, has four legs and will kill you if it falls out of a tree?

A pool table.

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A woman with no arms and no legs was lying on the beach...

A woman with no arms and no legs was lying on the beach as a fit, handsome man walked by.

"Sir," she said, "Would you do me a favor? I'm very lonely here. Would you give me a hug?"

"Certainly," he said, and knelt down to give her a hug.

She blushed and said, "That was wonderful....

What has 4 legs and 1 arm?

A happy pitbull

What do you call a cow with 3 legs?

Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Yo momma.

Where do you find a cow with now legs?

Wherever you left it

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An attractive woman once asked if I was more interested in breasts or legs.

I told her that I was mainly into feet and .


I'm no longer welcome at that KFC restaurant.

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A man with no arms and legs was sun baking on the beach.

A gorgeous blonde was walking past him, stopped for a second with a tang of pity in her eyes.

“Have you ever had a hug?” She asked.
“No.”
So with an “aww”, she gave him a big hug.

Two minutes later, another beautiful woman was walking past the man.

“Aw look at you honey. ...

My rescue dog has no legs, so I named her cigarette

...and every night we go out for a drag.

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A perfectly normal couple has a baby, but, very unexpectedly, the baby is born without arms. Or legs. Or even a body. It's just a head...

Nevertheless, the couple embrace their roles as parents and, as unusual as it is, they raise their baby, trying to make his life as normal as possible. Obviously, it's a struggle, but they manage... and they love and treat their son like any other normal kid. Well, as much as possible.

On the...

Why does a milking stool only have three legs?

Because the cow has the udder.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Doesn’t matter what you call it. It won’t come over anyway.

What has 132 legs and 8 teeth?

The front row of a Toby Keith concert.

What has two legs and bleeds profusely?

Half a cat.

I don't like ladies with fat legs. I don't like ladies with thin legs.

I like something inbetween.

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what has 2 legs in the morning and 3 in the afternoon?

I have no idea but it's in my basement please send help.

Grandpa: What has 4 legs, but isn't alive ?

Boy: A chair, haha, nice try gran-

Grandpa - it's your dog. He's dead Jimmy.

Q. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs?

A. Anything you want, there's nothing he can do about it.

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A girl with no arms and no legs is sitting on the beach crying

A man walks up to her and says "What's wrong?" She replies "I've never been kissed before." So the man kisses her, but she starts crying even more. He says "What's wrong? I thought you wanted to be kissed." This time she replies "Yea, but I've never been fucked before." The man thinks for a second, ...

What has four legs and one arm?

A doberman at a children's playground.

where do you find a cow with no legs?

>!\--right where you left it.!<

A man woke up and called out "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!!"

The doctor responded "I know, I amputated your arms!"

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So this guy asks if I prefer breasts or legs

And I reply, really I'd prefer wet .

Apparently this is not an appropriate thing to say at KFC.

This got legs in a comment thread yesterday so thought I would share.

A man is fishing when he hears a voice. Fish over here. He looks down and sees a frog. Really fish over here. So he does and catches his limit. The man decides to take the frog home when it says a branch is gonna fall just as the man moves out of the way saving both their lives. Deciding the frog is...

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There's a beautiful blonde woman on the beach, no arms no legs...

A man walks passed her and she says, "Excuse me, could you please hug me? I've never been hugged before." The man, feeling bad for her, picks the lady up, hugs her, and puts her back down and goes on with his day.

Later that day, a second man walks passed her and she says, "Excuse me, I've ne...

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A guy jogging on the beach sees a girls with no arms or legs.

Her torso is just propped up on some sand. As he draws nearer he sees that she's crying. He doesn't want to intrude, but he figures she might need some help.

"Excuse me, miss. Why are you crying?" he asks.
She responds "I'm just so sad! I've never been kissed before and I don't guess I eve...

What has 100 legs but can't walk?

50 pairs of pants.

Honey with Legs

At breakfast the young son asked his dad, "Hey dad, does honey have legs?" The father was taken aback by the question and responded, "I don't think so. Why do you ask?" The son then explained, "I don't know. I overheard you calling out a few times last night, 'Honey, would you please open your legs?...

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Spider's legs

There was a scientist working away in obscurity for years with peculiar experiments on spiders. After years and years he placed an advertisement in several academic journals to let the community know he was going to host a live show to demonstrate his findings.

At the event hundreds were ther...

What do you call a with no legs?

A lazy Susan.

What has two grey legs and two brown legs?

An elephant with diarrhea

I'd like to thank my legs for supporting me

My arms for always being by my side and my fingers... I could always count on them.

My 7 year old son came in from school today and asked me:

"Dad, what kind of mouse can walk on 2 legs?"

"Erm, I don't know" I replied

"Mickey Mouse" he replied laughing

"Dad, what kind of duck can walk on 2 legs"

"Donald Duck" I replied

"No, all ducks you idiot"

What do call a man with no arms or legs in a cupboard?

Herb

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A grew to 5ft9 and had functional arms and legs. With his new found life he opened doors, pulled out chairs and was very chivalrous.

He was a true genitalman

A man brings some flowers home to his wife. She’s so surprised by his romantic gesture that she lays back on the dining table, throws her legs in the air and spreads them.

Her husband confused looks down and goes, “What’s that for?"

His wife replies, “For the flowers of course."

He thinks for a moment and asks, “Don’t we have a vase?"

Why do farmers have such strong legs?

Because they are calf-raising.

What has 2 legs in the morning, 4 legs in the afternoon, and 3 legs in the evening

The man I was doing surgery on

I got fired from the hospital

I own a three legged dog.

It had four legs when I got it, but I wanted people to know that I'm a good person.

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What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

The lawyer thinks blondes are dumb and that he can get one over on her easily, so the lawyer asks if the blonde would like to play a fun game.

The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely decl...

What has two legs and is gray on one side, red on the other?

Half an elephant

What has 4 legs in the morning, 2 legs in the evening and 6 legs at night?

I've trapped it in my bedroom, send help...

Me:Doctor Doctor I can’t feel my legs…..

Doctor: well that’s good, I cut your arms off

The pig with wooden legs

A man drove by a farm every day on his way to work, and he always saw a pig in the front yard.

One morning on his way in, he noticed the pig had a wooden leg. It was odd, but he put it out of his mind. A couple of weeks later, he saw the pig had a second wooden leg. No longer able to contain ...

chicken with 3 legs

So this guy in a sports car is driving down an old country road. He looks over and there is a Rooster running right along side him. In his disbelief he looks at the speedometer...15mph.

So he speeds up to 25 and the Rooster speeds up. Next he realizes that the Rooster is speeding up and he al...

Ever seen a dog with three legs walk backwards?

Its trippy .

What walks on four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon and three legs in the night?

a schizophrenic cripple without a leg...

I really don't know how I lost my legs

I'm completely stumped

What has 6 legs, red hair, and flies?

No, seriously. This thing is scaring the hell out me.

What do you call a lizard with no legs?

Late for dinner.

I have a fondness for "technically true" jokes, like these:

Did you know that the average person has an above-average number of legs? After all, most people have two legs, while a few have none.


Did you know that if you shuffle a deck of cards, the resulting order has likely never existed before in the history of the universe?



Eve...

what do you call a couple of rabbits with no legs?

Hopless Romantics.

What is gray, has four legs and a trunk?

A mouse going on vacation.

My grandma flaps her legs during her seizures

We all get a kick out of it

Jenny has no arms and legs. Knock knock. Who's there?

Not Jenny

Why did the conspiracy theorist have such strong legs?

Because he spent so much time jumping to conclusions

What did the Irish bus driver say to the man with no legs?

How ya gettin' on?

Why shouldn't you joke about broken legs?

Because it's not Humerus

What do you call a dog w no hind legs and brass balls?

Sparky!
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