Legs Jokes - 81 Hilarious Legs Jokes

Great legs

The wife and I were in town shopping and as we came out of a store, three attractive young women aged between 18 and 20 walked by wearing tiny cropped tops and short short skirts. One of them, a tall blonde, had really fantastic long toned and tanned legs.I gently nudged my wife and said, "I bet you...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What has three legs and four arms?

My son's shit drawing of a snake.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man with no arms and no legs is sunbathing on the beach

A beautiful woman walks over to him and says “awww you poor thing! I bet you’ve never been hugged before have you?”

He replies: “well, no actually I haven’t!”

She leans over and gives him a big hug.

“I bet you’ve never been kissed before either, have you?” she asks.

Once ...

What do you call a cow with 3 legs?

Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Yo momma.

What walks on 8 legs until it's one years old, 4 legs until it's twenty years old and then 2 legs for the remainder of it's life?

Fred and George Weasley.

Nice Legs..

A man goes to a bar and sees a 'larger' girl dancing on a table.
He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!"
She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?"
The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy with no arms and no legs is lying on a beach... (Warning: dark humor)

Then this beautiful, voluptuous blonde comes walking by, sees the crippled guy and starts pitying him. So she walks up to him and asks him: “Would you like a kiss?”

The guy looks up and says a bit hesitantly “Um… yes!”

So the woman bends down and the two of them make out for a long whi...

Where do you find a cow with now legs?

Wherever you left it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A girl once asked me if I was a breast or legs guy

I told her I was more into anal and feet

Now I’m banned from KFC

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An attractive woman once asked if I was more interested in breasts or legs.

I told her that I was mainly into feet and anal.

I'm no longer welcome at that KFC restaurant.

You know what has 8 legs 8 hands and 8 eyes?

8 Pirates

"Hey son, what has 4 legs and doesn’t breathe?”

“You’re not fooling me dad, a chair!”

“Not this time, your dog died.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, on the floor?

Mat.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, in the ocean?

Bob.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, in the desert?

Fucked.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman with no arms and no legs was lying on the beach...

A woman with no arms and no legs was lying on the beach as a fit, handsome man walked by.

"Sir," she said, "Would you do me a favor? I'm very lonely here. Would you give me a hug?"

"Certainly," he said, and knelt down to give her a hug.

She blushed and said, "That was wonderful....

What has 132 legs and 8 teeth?

The front row of a Toby Keith concert.

What’s green, fuzzy, has four legs and will kill you if it falls out of a tree?

A pool table.

What has 4 legs and 1 arm?

A happy pitbull

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man with no arms and legs was sun baking on the beach.

A gorgeous blonde was walking past him, stopped for a second with a tang of pity in her eyes.

“Have you ever had a hug?” She asked.
“No.”
So with an “aww”, she gave him a big hug.

Two minutes later, another beautiful woman was walking past the man.

“Aw look at you honey. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superman is out flying and sees wonder woman naked on a rooftop with her legs wide open and moaning in delight

He thinks to himself that as he is faster than a speeding bullet he can do his business with her and fly off before she knows it. He toys with the idea and decides to go for it. He swoops down fucks her with lightning thrusts and zooms off in a flash. The whole event lasts less than a second. As soo...

My rescue dog has no legs, so I named her cigarette

...and every night we go out for a drag.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A perfectly normal couple has a baby, but, very unexpectedly, the baby is born without arms. Or legs. Or even a body. It's just a head...

Nevertheless, the couple embrace their roles as parents and, as unusual as it is, they raise their baby, trying to make his life as normal as possible. Obviously, it's a struggle, but they manage... and they love and treat their son like any other normal kid. Well, as much as possible.

On the...

Why does a milking stool only have three legs?

Because the cow has the udder.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Between her legs

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She became worried and asked her mom, “What is this?”

Her mom calmly said, “That part where the hair is grown is called Monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair.”

At dinner she told her sister, “My monkey has grown hair...

What has two legs and bleeds profusely?

Half a cat.

I don't like ladies with fat legs. I don't like ladies with thin legs.

I like something inbetween.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!”

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the Best toast of the night”

She said, “Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?”

John said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in chu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what has 2 legs in the morning and 3 in the afternoon?

I have no idea but it's in my basement please send help.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think every man at some point has tucked his penis between his legs and pretended he has a vagina.

I just wish I'd known that my girlfriend was doing it for the first six months of our relationship.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Doesn’t matter what you call it. It won’t come over anyway.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fucked a girl with one leg

Should've used my cock

Grandpa: What has 4 legs, but isn't alive ?

Boy: A chair, haha, nice try gran-

Grandpa - it's your dog. He's dead Jimmy.

Q. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs?

A. Anything you want, there's nothing he can do about it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A girl with no arms and no legs is sitting on the beach crying

A man walks up to her and says "What's wrong?" She replies "I've never been kissed before." So the man kisses her, but she starts crying even more. He says "What's wrong? I thought you wanted to be kissed." This time she replies "Yea, but I've never been fucked before." The man thinks for a second, ...

What has four legs and one arm?

A doberman at a children's playground.

where do you find a cow with no legs?

>!\--right where you left it.!<

A man woke up and called out "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!!"

The doctor responded "I know, I amputated your arms!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So this guy asks if I prefer breasts or legs

And I reply, really I'd prefer wet pussy.

Apparently this is not an appropriate thing to say at KFC.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day, when the daughter said, "My hands are freezing cold!" The mother replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up."

The daughter did and her hands warmed up.

The next day, the daughter was riding with her boy friend who said, "My hands are freezing cold!"

The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up."

He did and warmed his hands.

The following da...

This got legs in a comment thread yesterday so thought I would share.

A man is fishing when he hears a voice. Fish over here. He looks down and sees a frog. Really fish over here. So he does and catches his limit. The man decides to take the frog home when it says a branch is gonna fall just as the man moves out of the way saving both their lives. Deciding the frog is...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's a beautiful blonde woman on the beach, no arms no legs...

A man walks passed her and she says, "Excuse me, could you please hug me? I've never been hugged before." The man, feeling bad for her, picks the lady up, hugs her, and puts her back down and goes on with his day.

Later that day, a second man walks passed her and she says, "Excuse me, I've ne...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy jogging on the beach sees a girls with no arms or legs.

Her torso is just propped up on some sand. As he draws nearer he sees that she's crying. He doesn't want to intrude, but he figures she might need some help.

"Excuse me, miss. Why are you crying?" he asks.
She responds "I'm just so sad! I've never been kissed before and I don't guess I eve...

What has 100 legs but can't walk?

50 pairs of pants.

Honey with Legs

At breakfast the young son asked his dad, "Hey dad, does honey have legs?" The father was taken aback by the question and responded, "I don't think so. Why do you ask?" The son then explained, "I don't know. I overheard you calling out a few times last night, 'Honey, would you please open your legs?...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Spider's legs

There was a scientist working away in obscurity for years with peculiar experiments on spiders. After years and years he placed an advertisement in several academic journals to let the community know he was going to host a live show to demonstrate his findings.

At the event hundreds were ther...

What do you call a hooker with no legs?

A lazy Susan.

What has two grey legs and two brown legs?

An elephant with diarrhea

I'd like to thank my legs for supporting me

My arms for always being by my side and my fingers... I could always count on them.

My 7 year old son came in from school today and asked me:

"Dad, what kind of mouse can walk on 2 legs?"

"Erm, I don't know" I replied

"Mickey Mouse" he replied laughing

"Dad, what kind of duck can walk on 2 legs"

"Donald Duck" I replied

"No, all ducks you idiot"

What do call a man with no arms or legs in a cupboard?

Herb

Why do farmers have such strong legs?

Because they are calf-raising.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A penis grew to 5ft9 and had functional arms and legs. With his new found life he opened doors, pulled out chairs and was very chivalrous.

He was a true genitalman

A man brings some flowers home to his wife. She’s so surprised by his romantic gesture that she lays back on the dining table, throws her legs in the air and spreads them.

Her husband confused looks down and goes, “What’s that for?"

His wife replies, “For the flowers of course."

He thinks for a moment and asks, “Don’t we have a vase?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!"

The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation.
The doctor thought for a moment and said "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit."
The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method ...

What has 2 legs in the morning, 4 legs in the afternoon, and 3 legs in the evening

The man I was doing surgery on

I got fired from the hospital

I own a three legged dog.

It had four legs when I got it, but I wanted people to know that I'm a good person.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"So I went to this convention called, "Ladies Without Legs", and man...

was that place crawling with pussy." - Willie Nelson

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

The lawyer thinks blondes are dumb and that he can get one over on her easily, so the lawyer asks if the blonde would like to play a fun game.

The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely decl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My life is like a penis with legs chasing a vagina with legs.

It’s just one fucking thing after another

What has two legs and is gray on one side, red on the other?

Half an elephant

What has 4 legs in the morning, 2 legs in the evening and 6 legs at night?

I've trapped it in my bedroom, send help...

Me:Doctor Doctor I can’t feel my legs…..

Doctor: well that’s good, I cut your arms off

The pig with wooden legs

A man drove by a farm every day on his way to work, and he always saw a pig in the front yard.

One morning on his way in, he noticed the pig had a wooden leg. It was odd, but he put it out of his mind. A couple of weeks later, he saw the pig had a second wooden leg. No longer able to contain ...

chicken with 3 legs

So this guy in a sports car is driving down an old country road. He looks over and there is a Rooster running right along side him. In his disbelief he looks at the speedometer...15mph.

So he speeds up to 25 and the Rooster speeds up. Next he realizes that the Rooster is speeding up and he al...

Legs up in the Air

One day little Susie went into her back yard and found her dog Muffles lying dead with its legs up in the air. She asked, "Daddy, Daddy why is Muffles legs in the air?" Thinking quickly, her dad replied, "This way Jesus can come down and take Muffles to heaven easier."

The next day when Susie...

Ever seen a dog with three legs walk backwards?

Its trippy .

What walks on four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon and three legs in the night?

a schizophrenic cripple without a leg...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you say to a woman with no arms and no legs?

Nice tits, sweetheart.

I really don't know how I lost my legs

I'm completely stumped

What has 6 legs, red hair, and flies?

No, seriously. This thing is scaring the hell out me.

What do you call a lizard with no legs?

Late for dinner.

I have a fondness for "technically true" jokes, like these:

Did you know that the average person has an above-average number of legs? After all, most people have two legs, while a few have none.

Did you know that if you shuffle a deck of cards, the resulting order has likely never existed before in the history of the universe?

Eve...

what do you call a couple of rabbits with no legs?

Hopless Romantics.

The Nun’s Legs

A young man, perhaps in his twenties rushes up to the nun standing at the side of the road.

He asks hurriedly “Sister, I know this is incredibly rude but I have a favor to ask of you. Please let me hide under your skirt for a few minutes.”

The nun is very confused but the man looks ve...

What is gray, has four legs and a trunk?

A mouse going on vacation.

My grandma flaps her legs during her seizures

We all get a kick out of it

Jenny has no arms and legs. Knock knock. Who's there?

Not Jenny

Why did the conspiracy theorist have such strong legs?

Because he spent so much time jumping to conclusions

What did the Irish bus driver say to the man with no legs?

How ya gettin' on?

Legs up joke

Jane come from school and goes home. Jane asks her mom “mom, why do people who have their legs up go to heaven?”. Mom answers “that isn’t true, Jane?”. Jane says “but I saw the neighbour with her legs up and she screamed “Oh god, I’m cummin’, I’m cummin’. Mom looks shocked, but Jane says in the mean...

Why shouldn't you joke about broken legs?

Because it's not Humerus

What do you call a dog w no hind legs and brass balls?

Sparky!

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.