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Benjamin Moore just came out with a new paint called blonde

It's not very bright but it spreads easily

Moore’s law states that the density of transistors doubles every two years.

This is usually done by making them smaller.

Therefore, less is Moore’s

Roy Moore refuses to concede the Alabama Senate race.

He keeps insisting that the black votes should only count for 3/5ths.

Why was Roy Moore waiting outside the liquor store when it opened?

He heard they had a 14 year old Brandy

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Roy Moore says he’ll bring “Alabama values” to Washington, but I’m not so sure. I mean, he sexually assaulted teenage girls...

But he wasn’t related to any of ‘em!

Roy Moore is no longer interested in this year..

Because it’s officially ‘18

What's the difference between Roy Moore and an Anti-Vaxxer?

The Anti-vaxxer is against sticking it in kids

Sean Connery passed away peacefully in his sleep at age 90, he and Roger Moore were good friends...

They shared a Bond.

Congress has finally made a decision and just announced that if Roy Moore wins the senate...

They will be ending their 'take your daughter to work' program.

Sir Roger Moore, prominent James bond actor has passed away

His family say that they are shaken.... but not stirred

I sure hope Roy Moore wins today

Alabama needs a congressman who isn't afraid to get his hands on the issues before they get too big.

What is Roy Moore's favorite piano key?

A minor

Roy Moore is in bed with a girl, and says "pretend you're 14". She found that really weird...

Her birthday was in 4 months anyway.

Roy Moore likes his women the same way he likes his constitutional amendments...

12 and Under

Why is Roy Moore avoiding COVID-19?

He’d much rather catch COVID-16.

What did former Alabama Senator Roy Moore say about coronavirus?

It's called COVID-19, means I ain't gettin' it.

What does Roy Moore and an e-book have in common?

They're both pdf files.

We already know Roy Moore's positions on crime and immigration. But, what about his position on children?

Missionary, mostly.

Doug Jones just won the Senate race against Roy Moore

I guess you could say he got Moore votes.

You've heard Moore's law and Boyle's law but have you heard of Cole's law?

It's chopped cabbage. Thanks for the correction

Why is Roy Moore so mad about the election anyways?

He normally likes coming in a little behind.

Why was Roy Moore a bad music teacher?

All he knew how to do was finger a minor.

So Sir Roger Moore has sadly died.

You could say he is in Double 0 Heaven now

Roy Moore missed the New Years Eve countdown.

He’s demanding a recount.

Why did Roy Moore lose the election?

There’s a minimum age for voting

Hey, Roy Moore; what's the weather forecast?

Tonight, we'll be dipping into the teens.

Roy Moore opened a clothing store in Birmingham, but it was quickly shut down.

Parents were pretty upset when they realized "Teen girls clothes always half off" was the entry policy, not a sale.

The real reason Roy Moore wanted to be in D.C.

He hasn't been banned from the National Mall

In the Alabama senatorial race next week, Roy Moore is either going to win...

...or he's going to come in a little behind.

Tributes from around the globe are still pouring in after the death of Sir Roger Moore…

The one from Vladimir Putin read: "From Russia, with love."

Did you see that Roy Moore had a high profile interview on Dateline NBC?

What was unfortunate for him is that it was with Chris Hansen, who started it by asking him to take a seat over there.

Turns out that Roy Moore is having a bad influence on weather in Alabama.

The temperatures are flirting with the teens this week.

I wanna ask Roy Moore voters how they feel about losing such a close race.

Unfortunately, I don’t speak Russian.

I see that Gary Moore didn't get any upvotes.

He's Still Got the Blues.

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Why can't Roy Moore live in a Northern state?

Because if the outside temperature drops into the teens he might try to fuck it

What did President Trump call Roy Moore's senate loss?

*"A minor setback."*

Met Roy Moore at a bar once...

Chatted him up about wanting to hook up with twenty-nine year olds.

He looked at me with disbelief and asked "how are you going to do all twenty at once?"

Roy Moore is not happy with the events that transpired tonight

He liked it better when the night was young

Why does Roy Moore want a recount of the election?

He thinks Alabama is playing hard to get

What's the difference between Bob Ross and Roy Moore?

One's a doodler and the other's a diddler.

I don't understand all the uproar about Roy Moore lately.

It seems like a minor issue to me.

Trump endorsed Roy Moore but not Don Blankenship...

I guess it's all right to mess with minors, but miners are off limits.

What does Roy Moore and a guitarist have in common?

They both enjoy fingering minors.

Why did Roy Moore go to Walmart?

He heard that girl's pants were half off.

What is the difference between Roy Moore and an Anti-vaxxer?

Anti-vaxxers don't like to stick 'em while they're young.

Congratulations, your daughter is getting married.

Who is the lucky guy?

She is going to mary Tyler Moore.



Sorry for the terrible joke.

Why does Roy Moore like D.C.

Because, while the temperature is 30°, the real feel is in the teens.

I’m really surprised that Roy Moore wants a recount in the Alabama election

Large gaps in numbers haven’t seemed to bother him before.

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Roy Moore was sentenced to 14 months in prison.

The judge said he would've given him 14 years, but he was worried that Moore would ejaculate upon hearing the sentence.

[NSFW] Why did Roy Moore never miss a local Girl Scouts' meeting?

Because Brownies are delicious.

Roy Moore demanded a recount

The results came back that she was 14 and a half.

Why is Roy Moore’s Strategic Planning Committee headquartered in Disney's Hollywood Hotel?

He likes to keep his staff in something 12 years old.

What does Roy Moore call a high school track meet?

Speed dating

Roy Moore has failed in his attempt to challenge the Alabama Senate result

It's almost as if he doesn't know what the word "no" means.

What kind of spirits haunt an abandoned Benjamin Moore or Sherwin Williams?

Mineral spirits

What's the difference between 2015 and Moore's Law?

One's the year of the ram, the other is the ram of the year.

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Twas the week before Christmas

‘Twas the Week before Christmas
by Canttake Itany Moore

‘Twas the week before Christmas and all through the city

The virus still raged. The year was still shitty.

The cars sat snuggly, all still in the street.

There was no place to go. No friends to meet.

Restau...

True story from the in-laws.

Was at the in-laws' place (okay my girlfriend's parents') and was chatting with her father as grandpa was watching a James Bond film.

Father: Well, TheCapedMoose, who's the better bond, Shaun Connery or Roger Moore?

Me: I dunno, it's kind of a toss up...

Father: No it isn't, Sh...

I hadn't picked up my guitar in years. But since quarantine started, I've....

Benjamin Moore

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NSFW I'm pretty sure James Bond was having sex in the hotel room next door last night!!!

All I kept hearing was his lover's voice screaming "***Roger Moore***"

I told my coworker he should introduce himself like James Bond

The name's Moore, Steve Moore. At least that's what the ladies say.

An international conference was held to decide what the most annoying musical instrument was.

After intense debate, a shortlist of instruments was created, consisting of the bagpipes, didgeridoo, and vuvuzela, but before a vote was held it was decided that the exact origin of each instrument had to be accounted accounted for beyond any doubt.

The didgeridoo's origin was easily proven,...

Caesar: Veni, vidi, vici!

Roy Moore: Vidi, vici, veni.

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I was recently clearing out my drug cabinet...

I came across a packet of James Bond 007 branded Viagra.

Apparently they make you Roger Moore!

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They said Viagra wouldn't turn a normal man into James Bond

But it certainly made me Roger Moore.

Sod's law: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

Moore's law: The complexity of integrated circuits doubles every 24 months.

Campbell's law: The more any quantitative social indicator is used for social decision making, the more subject it will be to corruption pressures and the more apt it will be to distort and corrupt the social processe...

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My chemistry teacher asked me a question in class.

She told to me to rank all the bonds.

So I did.

1) Connery

2) Craig

3) Brosnan

4) Dalton

5) Lazenby

She sent me outside the class. I still wonder if there were any Moore?

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What's the difference between a 14-year old girl and a Ferrari?

Roy Moore doesn't have a Ferrari in his basement.

The Alabama Senate elections are in! And even though it was tight,

Roy Moore came in a little behind.

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I invented a new drink today; basically you start with a Shirley Temple and put a really old cocktail sausage in it.

I call it the "Judge Roy Moore".

Republicans: "We couldn't possibly lose Alabama!"

Roy Moore: "hold my beer kids"

Dems haven't won a senate seat in Alabama since 1992

Unlike Roy Moore, they were capable of waiting 25 years.

Mr. Lee Sum Wan and Mr.Sori

Sam Wan: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?

Mr. Sori: Yes, you could speak to me.

Sam Wan: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Mr. Sori: You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Sam Wan: I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

Mr. Sori: I know you ar...

How childish are Trump's tweets?

Let's just say Roy Moore would date them.

I'm not saying my cat is old..

.. but if it was a person, it would be too old for Roy Moore.

Can you imagine going to your girlfriend’s prom at 32?

Well neither could Roy Moore. He preferred freshmen.

So it turns out the girl I've been talking to is only 14....

But its alright. I like her even Moore now.

Doug Jones’ margin of victory is so small

Roy Moore is going to try and molest it.

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