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Wallace Jokes

What are four words you DEFINITELY do not want to hear?

"Hi. I'm Chris Wallace."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jake and Wallace need a tiebreaker.

Jake and Wallace are 12 year old twin brothers. As they were heading out to the car, they both called shotgun at the same time.

To break the tie, they decided to flip a coin, best out of three.

Jake picked heads, Wallace picked tails.

Jake flips the coin, it was heads.

...

Why did they execute William Wallace?

They couldn't let him go Scot free.

The FBI has determined the rope in Bubba Wallace's garage was a door pull and not a noose.

I guess no noose is good news.

Today I read the noose found in Bubba Wallace’s garage wasn’t really a noose...

Fake Noose Media

A fantastic joke from local English comedian Tony Wallace

A man rings his gran and asks how her doctor's appointment went.

"He hit on you? No Gran, I'm sure he was just being nice."

A few seconds pause.

"No Gran, he said you had acute angina."

A reporter is interviewing the President of the United States…

WALLACE (Interviewer) But I've got to tell you, if I may, sir, respectfully, in the Fox poll, they asked people, who is more competent? Who's got -- whose mind is sounder? Biden beats you in that.
TRUMP: Well, I'll tell you what, let's take a test. Let's take a test right now. Let's go down, Jo...

I got kicked out of a graveyard the last time I went to Scotland.

They didn't appreciate me writing "Graveheart" on William Wallace's tombstone.

My Private Part Died

An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home.

One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.







Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong.

'Yes, Nurse Tracy ,' said Mr. Wallace.







'My Private Part die...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What cooking wine doesn’t look like a bitch?

Marsala’s Wallace

Almost a Knock-Knock joke

In 1967, Joe Wallace, the inventor of the Knock-Knock joke, was awarded a ...No Bell prize.

Bit of a different post here - an author introduces a joke but never reveals the punchline...anyone heard this joke? Or make up your own punchline?

In *Infinite Jest* by David Foster Wallace, at one point there's a line -

"...asking Mario if he knows what you call three Canadians copulating on a snowmobile."

But he doesn't say the punchline. I'm assuming maybe this is a commonish kinda joke? I've tried to think of what the pu...

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general knowledge quiz

Teacher: "Good morning children, each Thursday we're going to have a general knowledge quiz.

The pupil who gets the answer right can have Friday and Monday off and not come back to school until Tuesday."

Wee Jock (a typical Scottish wag) thinks, "Ya dancer. Ah'm pure dead brilliant at ...

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