UPJOKE
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What did the flea on the right leg of Robinson Crusoe said to the flea on the left leg of Crusoe?

'Bye for now, see you on Friday.'

Today is a “Robinson Crusoe-Week” again

Waiting for Friday

A joke my dad has been telling for 45 years

My dad played high school baseball, and the second baseman, John, eventually grew up to be a very successful accountant and married his high school sweetheart. Over the next 25 years, John also collected rare and antique baseball cards, eventually accumulating the world's most expensive collection…<...

Edward G Robinsons father became a woman, and his mother became a man. He has been very open discussing this.

He has trans parents, see

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You already know the legend of the Foo Bird...

...named after its purportedly plaintive cries of "Foo! Foo!" but renowned for its feces, which is said to become a deadly toxin on the skin upon exposure to air, giving us to the common piece of wisdom, "If the Foo shits, wear it."

However you may not know about the brave explorers who set o...

So this guy’s in bed with a married woman when her husband’s car gets home

She brings the guy, completely naked, into the living room and tells him to stand completely still as she covers him in white powder.

“Honey, what’s that?”, said her husband.

“Well, it’s a statue. I saw the Robinsons down the street got one and I wanted one!”, said the woman.
...

The New Secretary

Mr Robinson hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet and very polite. While taking dictation one morning she noticed that Mr Robinson's fly was open. Upon leaving the room she said "Mr Robinson, your barracks door is open." He was puzzled by her remark but later in the day noticed that his zipper...

My grandpa died yesterday. Here's one of my favorite jokes he told. What are your favorite grandpa jokes?

Old Ms.Robinson went out into her backyard to do some gardening when she heard some noise coming from the yard next door. She peered over the fence and saw that her neighbour's little daughter was digging a hole. "Sally what are you doing with that shovel?" asked Ms.Robinson. "My goldfish died, s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man washes up on a deserted beach...

He coughs up some water and tries to find himself some civilization. He walk around until it becomes apparent he is alone on an island except for a pig and a dog, both of which are strangely domesticated. Oh well, time to Robinson Crusoe the shit out of this island.

He starts a fire. Builds ...

The Perfect Man

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Ryan".

Passenger: "Who?".

Cabbie: "Ryan Jay Robinson. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you neede...

How many priests does it take to change a lightbulb?

3. One to screw it. One to beat it for being screwed. One to tell the lawyers that no screwing took place.

From Monkey Beach by Eden Robinson, referencing residential schools

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man gets rescued after spending his whole life on a desert island.

(this one is very long, be warned)

He was stranded on the island as a little boy, he knows how to speak but he knows nothing about the wonders of the modern world. Him and his family were thought to have perished in a freak yacht accident, nobody ever found the yacht. He somehow managed to su...

What person gets all his work done by Friday?

Robinson Crusoe.

Patient: Doctor, doctor I don't know what's wrong with me. Sometimes I think I am a wigwam and sometimes I think I'm a teepee.

Doctor: Relax Mr. Robinson, you're two tents.

Little girl is drawing at school one day...

Teacher walks over and asks, "What are you drawing?"

"A picture of God."

"But", says the teacher, "nobody knows what God looks like."

"They will in a minute."

*Credit to Sir Ken Robinson*

When your boss tells you "I need you to have everything done by Friday." You say...

I can't have everything done by Friday! Who do you think I am, Robinson Crusoe?!

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