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Why did Robinson Crusoe work a five-day week?

Because he was buggered by Friday.

The New Secretary

Mr Robinson hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet and very polite. While taking dictation one morning she noticed that Mr Robinson's fly was open. Upon leaving the room she said "Mr Robinson, your barracks door is open." He was puzzled by her remark but later in the day noticed that his zipper...

Edward G Robinsons father became a woman, and his mother became a man. He has been very open discussing this.

He has trans parents, see

My grandpa died yesterday. Here's one of my favorite jokes he told. What are your favorite grandpa jokes?

Old Ms.Robinson went out into her backyard to do some gardening when she heard some noise coming from the yard next door. She peered over the fence and saw that her neighbour's little daughter was digging a hole. "Sally what are you doing with that shovel?" asked Ms.Robinson. "My goldfish died, s...

The Perfect Man

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Ryan".

Passenger: "Who?".

Cabbie: "Ryan Jay Robinson. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you neede...

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A man washes up on a deserted beach...

He coughs up some water and tries to find himself some civilization. He walk around until it becomes apparent he is alone on an island except for a pig and a dog, both of which are strangely domesticated. Oh well, time to Robinson Crusoe the shit out of this island.

He starts a fire. Builds ...

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A man gets rescued after spending his whole life on a desert island.

(this one is very long, be warned)

He was stranded on the island as a little boy, he knows how to speak but he knows nothing about the wonders of the modern world. Him and his family were thought to have perished in a freak yacht accident, nobody ever found the yacht. He somehow managed to su...

How many priests does it take to change a lightbulb?

3. One to screw it. One to beat it for being screwed. One to tell the lawyers that no screwing took place.

From Monkey Beach by Eden Robinson, referencing residential schools

Patient: Doctor, doctor I don't know what's wrong with me. Sometimes I think I am a wigwam and sometimes I think I'm a teepee.

Doctor: Relax Mr. Robinson, you're two tents.

Little girl is drawing at school one day...

Teacher walks over and asks, "What are you drawing?"

"A picture of God."

"But", says the teacher, "nobody knows what God looks like."

"They will in a minute."

*Credit to Sir Ken Robinson*

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