This joke may contain offensive words. ๐Ÿค”

What do you call the slit between Pamela Anderson's tits?

The silicone valley

Where did mr Anderson go? Did he travel with Scandinavian Airlines?

No, he vanished into Finnair

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Pamela Anderson goes to see her plastic surgeon

And asks him if he can be discrete about a surgery.

Of course, he replies, you've been a great client and your privacy is top priority.

She continues, it's just that this next alteration is a bit embarrassing, you see, as I'm aging, things seam to droop and get loose etc, and, well, my...

This joke may contain offensive words. ๐Ÿค”

Pamela Anderson has a name for the space between her two huge breasts.

Silicon Valley.

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A woman is cooking dinner and her husband walks in the door, shaking his head and laughing...

"You'll never believe the bullshit I heard at work today. Bill Jenkins was bragging that he's fucked every woman on our street but one."

His wife smirks, stirring the gravy. "I bet it's that snooty old Cathy Anderson."

Mike Anderson was in the hospital...

He knows that his end is imminent, so he gathers his family:

His wife, his daughter and both of his sons.
He also asks for a nurse, two witnesses and his last will to be recorded.

 


Then he starts speaking:
"Brian, my oldest son, I want you to get castle ave...

What's Pamela Andersons favorite soda?

Hepsi!

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Pamela Anderson and Queen Elizabeth die on the same day... (one of my dad's favorites)

Saint Peter meets them at the Pearly Gates and says, "I'm sorry ladies, but I only have room for one of you. Prove to me that you're the best candidate for Heaven." Pam, thinking this one's in the bag, flashes Saint Peter her tits. "Very nice, Pam", he says. Queen Elizabeth, thinking for a momen...

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A couple wants to have sex but their son is in the house.

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie " with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities...

"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.He began his commentar...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

So why did the chicken cross the road?

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her e...

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Convincing your girlfriend she's crazy or paranoid is called gaslighting, and it's a dick move.

But convincing her she's a robot with artificial implanted human emotions is called bladerunning. It's a Phillip K. Dick move.



Edit: Source > Nathan Anderson

via /u/GoodLordigans

Some bloke wants to become a lawyer

The guy (lets call him John) has been dreaming about being the greatest lawyer in the state for years, and has spent the past half a decade working super hard at law school to achieve this goal.

One day, he gets an interview for a highly successful law firm called "Anderson and Nelson At Law"...

A woman whose husband had entered the Navy, gave the pastor of her church a note just as he was mounting to the pulpit one Sunday morning.

The note said โ€œJohn Anderson, having gone to sea, his wife desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety.โ€
The minister in haste picked up the slip and read aloud,
โ€œJohn Anderson having gone to see his wife, desires the prayers of the congregation for his safelyโ€.

What did Coriander name his son?

Corey Anderson.

Agent Smith

A long time ago, when Agent Smith was newly generated, he was tasked to kill the rogue program, The Oracle, and her son. He was new to the Matrix, and was unaware of her capabilities. So he tried to delete her by firing at her with his gun, though the Oracle safely removed herself and her son from d...

So Jimmy, say I have 5 birds sitting on a porch...

Teacher says to Jimmy:

"So Jimmy, say I have 5 birds sitting on a porch and I knock one down with a stone, how many birds will be left on the porch?"
"None, Ms. Anderson. Once I knock the first one, all the others will be flying away"
"No Jimmy, the correct answer was 4, but I do ...

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Computer Quotes

"Remember, never ask a geek "why"; just nod your head and back away slowly... "
Dan Wineman

Memory is like an orgasm. It's a lot better if you don't have to fake it.
Seymour Cray (commenting on virtual memory).

There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and U...

The importance of never being late

A priest celebrates his 25th anniversary as head of a small congregation in a small village in rural America. The mayor was supposed to hold a speech at the beginning, but as always he had more important matters at hand. So the priest started with his speech.

'I know how disturbed I was 25yea...

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The Spoon

The other day I took some friends of mine out to a new restaurant. When the waiter took our order, I noticed that he carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange, but I ignored it. However, when another waiter brought our water and utensils, I noticed that he too had a spoon in hi...

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I hate when someone I had sex with in High School sends me a friend request on Facebook.

Request denied, Principle Anderson.

Santa and Banta

Santa: Why did people stop printing stamps with photo of Pamela Anderson?


Banta: Because people started licking the wrong side of it for pasting them on the envelopes..

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What do you call a news anchor with diarrhea?

Anderson Pooper