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After an amazing 69 with his girlfriend, Kevin remembered he had a dentist appointment.

He was afraid that the dentist would smell pussy on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times and on top of that 2 liters of mouthwash.
As he arrived at the dentist he chewed 5 strong mints too.
The dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident & relaxed he opened his mouth wide....

I like you helping me in the kitchen, Kevin, but do you use drugs?

— No, mom, I swear!
— So, why you're cutting onions with the credit card?

Kevin Hart is so short

He calls Lil Wayne "Wayne"

When I heard that Kevin Hart was injured in a car accident, I was really worried for my kids.

They use the same brand of booster seat!

Too soon?

EDIT - thank you mysterious benefactor for my first gold!

EDIT 2 - Shout out to u/LethKith who wants me and my whole family to die in a fiery car crash. I hope you have a good day buddy. Try to relax and enjoy the joke for what ...

What does Kevin Hart have in common with Paul Walker?

Being friends with the rock!

Wait, what did you think I was going to say?

All the sandwiches in the fridge at work have names on..

Today I ate a sandwich called Kevin.

Kevin had just gotten a new car and was out for a drive

when he accidentally cut off a truck driver. Truck driver motioned for Kevin to pull over.

When Kevin did, the driver got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to Kevin, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE...

Kevin Spacey's acting career was like a House Of Cards...

One blow from a kid and it all comes tumbling down.

As a trucker stops at a red light, a woman catches up...

She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you're losing some of your load."


The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl c...

Jackson and Kevin

Kevin and his friend Jackson both loved baseball very much. One day, Jackson asked Kevin,

“do you think there’s baseball in heaven?”.

“Not sure” Kevin replied.

A few days later, Jackson was hit by a drunk driver and died. Kevin took it hard a would spend hours walking the beach...

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A man called Kevin is selling his python on ebay

So some bloke rang him up and said “is it massive”
Kevin replies “huge”
Then the bloke says “how many feet”
Kevin says “none its a snake you twat”

I want to watch the new Dwayne Johnson movie, but also want to watch the new Kevin Hart movie...

I guess you could say I'm caught
between The Rock and a Hart place

Mother: How was school today, Kevin?

Kevin: It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!

Mother: Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?

Kevin: What school?

What's the one thing that Kevin Costner and the inventor of the vibrator have in common?

They both heard voices saying "if you build it, they will come."

Kevin dies and goes to heaven...

He gets in line and sees Saint Peter asking everyone a question before they head past the pearly gates. As he's third in line, he overhears Peter ask the guy in front, "Sir, were you faithful in your married life?". The man looks down and replies, "Well, I did have two affairs". Peter nods and hands...

Kevin Durant should be sponsored by Old Spice.

He can have his own scent: Deo-Durant.

The local weatherman named the upcoming snowstorm after his oldest son Kevin.

Because he didn't think it was going to amount to much either.

Bob has a small company. One day, one of his employees, Kevin, dies

Bob and his wife go to the funeral. On the way back home, she asks him:

"Dear, you know my brother is a little lazy, but he's been looking for a good opportunity. Do you think he could replace Kevin?" Bob answers:

"It's ok for me, but we would have to talk with the graveyard administ...

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Poor Kevin Hart, he was in a car crash and now he's in trouble for smacking some guy's butt

I guess he's hit Rock Bottom

Why did Kevin Hart have such a short stay in the hospital?

He has the money to pay for adequate medical service

What's the difference between Kevin Spacey and Mozart?

It's hard to get Mozart to play with A minor.

How did Kevin Spacey find the little boy in all the Tall grass?

Satisfying.

TIL that after starring in 21 Kevin Spacey tried to play Blackjack professionally and lost all of his money.

Kept hitting on 17.

Twenty years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs...

Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please don’t let Kevin Bacon die.

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Doctor Kevin had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long

Doctor Kevin had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said:

"Kevin don't...

The bartender at my neighborhood pub calls me Kevin McAllister.

Because I’m always going Home Alone.

Kevin Spacey is trying to get a new position in Vegas,...

Blackjack Dealer

Because they hit on anything under 17.

Been watching basketball lately, and I gotta say I can hardly tolerate Kevin Durant.

He stinks compared to his brother, Deo.

Yo mama so fat

We are all concerned for her health, Kevin.

A cabbie picks up a nun.

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, ''I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.


She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and ha...

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After discovering that Kevin Spacey is a sexual predator, I would be surprised to see him get any work in the future.

Unless he runs for President of the United States.

Why is Kevin Spacey bad at hide and seek?

He comes out at the wrong time.

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Kevin Spacey and Harvey Weinstein sat just watching T.V

Harvey asks "hey Kev, you wanna rent a DVD tonight?"

Kevin thinks for a minute "Yeah" he says "let's get aladdin!"

"calm down Kev ain't you in a enough shit already?" replies Harvey.

A White horse walks into a bar.

The barman remarks "Did you know there's a drink named after you?"

The horse replies "Kevin ?"

Kevin Spacey likes his guys like he likes his whiskey...

12 years old and in a barrel, OR 18 years old and full of coke.

Did you hear Kevin Spacey is making a prequel to 21?

It's called "Always Hit on 14"

A grasshopper walks into a bar

The bartender looks up and says, 'Hey! You're a grasshopper! We have a drink named after you.'


The grasshopper says, 'Really? You have a drink named Kevin?'

So sad!

It's so sad that after all he has been through kevin hart will face fines on top of the medical bills. If only he had been in the proper booster seat! ( Mr. Hart if you read this, I wish you a speedy recovery. Prayers for you and your family!)

When was bed time at Kevin Spacey's house?

When the big hand touched the little hand.

Why can Kevin Spacey never win a race?

He always comes in a little behind.

Why is Kevin Spacey so good at writing sad songs

Because he’s great at fingering minors

Kevin Bacon once had a friend named Johnny Eggs

They were known as Kevin and Johnny.

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I can't stand Kevin Spacey and people like him.

They're all fucking immature assholes.

Kevin Spacey walks into a bar

But after realizing the drinking age is 21 decides that he'd rather hang out somewhere else.

How is Kevin Spacey like Walmart?

They both have boys pants half off.

a taxi driver in New York picks up a nun...

after a while of driving the nun notices the driver staring intensely at her through the mirror. Curiosity took hold and she asked him why he was looking so intently at her.
"you see," says the driver "I have always fantasized about kissing a nun."
"Are you married?" asked the nun "and are yo...

Kevin goes to the doctor

Kevin walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Kevin said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Kevin what he had.. Kevin said, 'Shingles....

Bryan Singer and Kevin Spacey walk up to a bar

The bartender asks for their IDs. They walk away and say" well I guess we're not going to find what we're looking for here."

What do Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey have in common?

The House of Cards they had built in Hollywoodland has now made them The Usual Suspects in Sin City. This was supposed to be LA Confidential but apparently they couldnt find Consenting Adults. The American Beauty of this is that they will now forever be Inglorious Basterds.

Kevin Spacey is no longer going to be an actor. He's going to teach guitar.

Be cause he's good at fingering A Minor.

Admin : Adds Erica to the group.

David: Hi Erica welcome to the group.

Erica: Hi guys, I am new to the city.

Sam: Hi Erica don’t worry, I am here, any problems I will be the solution.

Kevin: Hi Erica. Tell me if you have any problem, I will arrange a solution for you.

Kyle: Hi Erica, if you need anyt...

What's Kevin Spacey's favourite musical note?

A minor

What did the woman say to Kevin Spacey on the beach?

Could you please move, you're in my son.

Watt?

Kevin is working on a assignment and forgot what the name was for the messurement unit of electricity. He turns to he his classmate and ask him “can I ask you something”, his classmate answers “yeah, watt is it?”, kevin responds with “yeah I think it is”

Kevin is on his way home after receiving his paycheck when a stomachache hit him..

Luckily, he was passing by a river.
Kevin ran for it and made a quick drop at the bank.

What do Kevin Spacey and Santa Claus have in common?

They both like to empty their sacks for young boys.
(I know it's an old MJ joke)

A scout master and a cub scout go into the woods

A scout master and a cub scout go into the woods late one night, the woods are very dense and quite terrifying at this late hour. As they travel deeper and deeper into the woods the cub scout becomes more and more terrified of his surroundings, "it sure is scary out here scout master Kevin, I'm real...

Say what you want about Kevin Spacey

but at least he slows down in school zones.

Kevin spacey got turn down to play Santa.

Apparently they didn’t trust him with the naughty list.

What's Kevin Spacey's favorite college?

Brigham Young

Why doesn't Kevin Spacey win first place in marathons?

He isn't an athlete and doesn't train for marathons

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A young comedian wanted to make himself famous, so he covered the interior of his house with Jokes

He wrote down every joke he ever knew on a paper each and taped them to everything in his house: the floor, the walls, the couch....etc.

However there was one joke which he thought was lame, so he threw it away somewhere in his house and forgot about it.

The Comedian started inviting s...

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Kevin Spacey's new job

Kevin Spacey's new job is at EA. They heard he likes to fuck 14 year olds over and over, just like them.

Kevin Spacey is undergoing conversion therapy and hope to eventually have a normal marriage.

He says, "I want to have kids."

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What do Margaret Thatcher and Kevin Spacey have in common?

They both fuck miners

It makes more sense now why Kevin Spacey helped Baby in Baby Driver

He saw a little bit of himself in Baby, figuratively and literally.

I had Kevin Spacey show up at a house party

I don’t see what all the fuss about him is. I was chatting to him for an hour about all things from art and music to politics.

He’s a very articulate and intelligent man but I must say his sense of direction is a bit off.

He cut our conversation short saying that he had to use the li...

Three men are stranded in the desert and find a genie lamp

My dad has told me this joke when I was younger and I thought that I’d just post it here

They are all starving and dehydrated in the hot desert. Pablo the Mexican walks up to the genie lamp and rubs it...

Genie: Pablo the Mexican, I will grant you one wish and one wish only! Choose yo...

It's Judgment Day and three married men are sent to heaven

Three friends are standing in line waiting to be judged: Jim, Billy and Kevin.



Forward comes Jim and God tells him: "Jim, you've been loyal to your wife and never cheated". God gives Jim a brand new sports car and tells him to drive to heaven and off goes Jim.



Next com...

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Kevin Spacey while writing his apology: "I could own up to the mistakes I've made...

...butt fuck it"

For decades I've always liked Kevin Spacey

Turns out he stopped liking me decades ago

Whats Kevin Spacey's Favorite Opera?

The Magic Flute .... in a minor.

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All these Kevin Spacey jokes have gotten pretty old

Which means Kevin Spacey no longer wants to fuck them

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On Christmas Eve, a postman is collecting letters from the post box when he comes across a letter addressed to Father Christmas

Intrigued, he opens it, to find, scrawled in orange crayon, the words

"Dear Santa,

My family is very poor, so this year I don't want any presents. Please could you just send me £20 so I can give it to my parents?

Love Kevin".

Touched, the postman searches his pockets, wh...

The NHL's Florida Panthers have apologized to their fans for using Kevin Spacey in a marketing campaign

it's probably for the best. He's a better fit with the Nashville Predators

Kevin Spacey as Peter Pan

Kevin Spacey has been offered the role of Peter Pan for his next film but some changes were required.

Now, to get to Neverland, he tells the 2nd star to his right to bend over til morning.

What do Kevin Spacey and a Tortoise have in common?

They're both trying to get somewhere before the hare does

Halloween is Kevin Spacey's favourite holiday. Hordes of teenage kids knocking on his front door.

Hopefully he lets them out.

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Teacher ask Kevin for the meaning of... (NSFW)

Teacher ask Kevin for the meaning of: The Government, The Capitalism, The Working Class, The People, The Future and how they relate to each other.


Kevin gets home and asks his Mom about it; Mom replies: "WTF, you cannot see I'm busy here? Go and ask your dad about it, He is always just wa...

You know what would have been a good name for Kevin Spacey in House of Cards?

Frank Underagewood

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Kevin came home from elementary school one day...

...with a smile and exclaimed, "Dad! I got the highest score in class on the math test!"

"That's because you're from Louisiana, son!" The father replies.

The next day, Kevin returns from school again with excitement in his voice.

"Dad, guess what!?!" he says happily. "I can spel...

Well Done?

Kevin was furious when his steak arrived cooked too rare.

'Waiter,' Kevin shouted, 'Didn't you hear me say "well done"?'

'Of course I did, sir, I can't thank you enough, sir,' replied the waiter. 'I hardly ever get a compliment.'

Why are there never black dwarves in fantasy films?

Because Kevin Hart keeps suing the production companies for using his likeness without his approval.

The stair joke

There was once a competition between 5 friends to walk up a flight of ten stairs, the first to get to the top wins. The catch? Every stair has a joke on it and if you were to laugh on any stair you were eliminated.

The first friend goes and makes it to the second stair before laughing at the...

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