Phone rings. Poet friend. He asks, "Do you ever get shooting pains like someone's got a voodoo doll of you they're stabbing with a long needle agan and again?"

"No," I reply.

Long pause.

Sounding concerned, he says, "How about now?"

What did the poet Homer say after they made his poem,”The Iliad,” into a movie?

You guys Odyssey this.

An amateur poet attempted to write a novel.

Unfortunately, he failed because novels are for pros.

How do poets say hello?

Hey, haven’t we metaphor?

Did you hear about the cheesemonger who developed narcolepsy and became a poet?

He went from gouda to bed to verse.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A poet and a Deadhead are hanging out...

The poet says "I want to use the word 'shit' in a poem, but there are so many words that rhyme with it, I'm not sure which to choose."

"Use Phish," says the Deadhead.

"What!?" rejoins the poet. "Phish and shit don't rhyme!"

"Well they sound like shit to me."

What do you call a poet with a cold?

An illiterate.

Why did the poet sneeze?

Because he had analogy.

I told my a very old & close classmate at our 15-year reunion that I'm a Poet. "Oh yeah?" he asks. "Have you sold anything yet?"

I said, "Sure. My house, my car, and all my stuff."

In his later years Bruce Wayne retired and became a famous poet

Apparently, he went from bat to verse.

I just finished reading a book by a group of amateur poets...

The poems aren’t bad, but you can tell they’re not prose.

Two poets die at the same time and they meet St. Peter at the pearly gates...

St. Peter says"ah, it's great to see you guys, but we have a small problem... we only have room for one of you." The two poets look at each other not sure what to do, then St. Peter says " I have an idea, since you guys are poets lets have a contest, best poem gets to stay in heaven, the other....

There Once Was A Poet Named Bates,

His poems weren't always first rate,

His first lines weren't bad, but the problem he had,

Was that he always tried to put too many syllables into the last line.

How many letters are in a poet's name?

Usually just a couple of Wordsworth

What does the poet do when he's frustrated with his fellow student?

Shakes peer.

What do you call an amateur sports team made up entirely of poets?

semi-prose

Ogden Nash and TS Eliot die and go to heaven...

At the gates of heaven they meet St. Peter, and ask him if they can spend eternity in Poet's Corner with all the other famous poets.

"I don't know," says St. Peter. "It's pretty exclusive. I'll tell you what, I'll give you a word and you have to incorporate it in a poem as the very last wor...

A poet writes in verse.

A backwards poet writes inverse.

A racist poet

Would probably be part of

The Haiku Klux Klan

There once was a poet named Stan...

...whose limericks never would scan.
When told this was so,
He'd reply, "yes, I know,
But you see, the thing is, I seem to have gone and gotten myself into this really rather ridiculous habit recently of always trying to cram as many completely unnecessary additional syllables into th...

A poet and a Newfie die

They are met by St. Peter at the pearly gates. St. Peter says that to get in they must make a poem that says Timbuktu. For the poet this was simple and he said ; I was walking in the desert sand. When I came across a caravan. Camels walking two by two. Destination Timbuktu

For the Newfie thi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The best poet

All the world's finest poets, writers, bards and linguists were gathered in a competition to determine the best among them. After a week of competing, the finalists left standing were a rabbi and an Australian shepherd. Their final task was to improvise a rhyme containing the word 'Timbuktu'.
...

Did you hear about the poet who liked to dip his work in moisturiser?

It was poetry in lotion

Long - 2 Poets

Two men arrive at the pearly gates, each claiming to be famous poets. St. Peter cannot believe they both are poets, so he decides to give them a test. He tells them to compose a poem of 4 lines, with the last word being Timbuktu. He gives them 30 minutes.

After the time is up, the first man a...

Two poets die and go to heaven.

When they arrive saint Peter tells them that he only has room for one poet in heaven. He decides that the fairest way to decide who gets in is to have a competition. He tells them that the one that makes the best poem using the word timbucktoo will be allowed in. After thinking for a while the first...

The Redneck Poet

Robert Frost and a redneck came to heaven's gate at the same time. St. Peter stood at the gate with instuctions for the two: ''You cannot enter the gates of heaven until you can make up a poem and recite it to me using the word 'Timbuktu' in it.'' Robert Frost stepped up and recited a magnificent, g...

I'm writing a book about poets who have been jailed

It's called prose and cons

What is a poet's favorite legume?

Rhyma-beans!

Roses are red, Violets are blue,

I'm no longer a poet,
I got fired.

Actor Hugh Laurie was so fond of the works of Samuel Beckett that he once devoured an entire anthology of his poetry.

Hugh felt that he deserved to be a poet Laurie ate.

History class in Russia

During a history lesson, the teacher asks her students, “OK class, who knows what event, consequential for the history and culture of the Russian people, took place in 1799?”

From the back of the class, a student raises his hand and answers, “Our greatest poet Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin was...

Statue of Pushkin

Meeting of Cultural commission of Supreme Soviet of USSR, 1950. Consensus on commissioning of giant statue of Alexander Sergeyevich Pushkin, russian poet.

1st possibility - Pushkin sitting in chair, reading a book of Generalissimus Stalin. - historically impossible, denied.

2nd possibi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Poetry contest

At a poetry contest where the contestants are given one word they must create a poem from, there was competition between a well regarded poet and a redneck. The word given to them was “Timbuktu” and the poet was to go first.

Almost immediately the poet starts speaking..

“Slowly across...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, a red fruit loop looked at himself in the mirror and said, "I need to become an orange fruit loop."

It was a daunting task. But after working out for two hours a day, with five-gram weights, and getting a degree in economics, *wa-zaam!* he was an orange fruit loop. But he was still hungry.

Again Looking at himself in the mirror, he said, "I need to become a yellow fruit loop." It was a d...

Two men arrive at the pearly gates.

One is an Englishman, the other a Philippino. St. Peter informs them that only one will be admitted. St. Peter asks the Englishman what his occupation was in life.

I was a poet, he responds.

Oh very good, we need more poets in heaven.

And you sir, turning to the Philippin...

What is love?

Poets say it's everything. Tennis players say it's nothing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Dr. Seuss wrote instruction manuals.

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-...

Came up with this joke this morning in the shower.

I took a tour of a prison for poets, at the end the warden asked what I thought of it. I said it has its prose and cons.

Marijuana-Filled Firewood

At the back woods bum-duck county police station the phone rings...

'Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?'

'Yes. What can I do for you?'

'Ah'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Mr. Virgil Smith....ya see sir, he's hidin' marijuana inside all his firewood pieces! Don't quite kn...

A man meets a girl in a bar

The man says to the girl "every time you smile it makes me want to take you home"

The girl replies "Your words are beautiful, are you a poet?"

The man replies "No I am a dentist"

A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry.

Finally he went to a marriage counselor. When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other made delicious pancakes.

"Oh" said the counselor, "I see what the problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse."

It's a little known fact that William Shakespeare and Lord Byron died on the same day.

When they met Saint Peter at the pearly gates, he said, "We are honored to receive two incredibly distinguished poets on the same day! Unfortunately we don't have room for both of you to enter today, so we're going to have to have a little contest. I'm going to say a word, and both of you have to ma...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

26 groaners

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.



2. I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.



3. She was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still....

Timbuktu

The chief poet of the town dies, so they have to elect a new one. The voting whittles the candidates down to two. The town holds a feast to choose the winner. The mayor stands up and declares that the winner shall be decided by voting on the poem the candidates can come up with on the spot based on ...

I also wrote a poem, too, too

I feel.

You feel.

He feels.

She feels.

They feel.

We feel.

I know I'm not a great poet, but I've been told this is very touching.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Timbuktu

A man dies and goes up to heaven. Outside the pearly gates he meets Saint Peter and another man that he has never seen. Saint Peter informs the two men that heaven is almost full; there is only one spot left and the two men died at exactly the same time, so they are going to have a competition to de...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A limerick about limericks

There was a young poet from Japan

Whose limericks did not easily scan

When asked why this was,

He said, "It's because

IAlwaysTryToFitAsManySyllablesInTheLastLineAsEverIPossibly can."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Canoe

Three explorers - a preacher, a poet and a banjo player - are lost in the jungle and captured by a tribe of cannibals.

The cannibals tell the three they will be sacrificed to provide skins for the tribal canoes - and because this is such an important and sacred ritual, each of them can make...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lots of Orgasms

Sex in a boat = Oargasms

Sex with a nerd = Dorkgasms

Sex at the entrance to your house = Doorgasms

Sex on the carpet or linoleum = Floorgasms

Sex at the supermarket = Storegasms

Sex with wild pigs = Boargasms

Sex at a Stephen King movie = Horrorgasms <...

Ogden Nash and Robert Frost die and are facing St. Peter at the Pearly Gates...

St. Peter doesn't recognize them and asks for identification. They both respond that they are great poets from Earth and are surprised that they're not recognized. St. Peter challenges them - "If you're such great poets. let me hear you form a rhyme for "Timbuktu".

The poets think for a mom...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.