My bullies broke my MP3-Player at school. Luckily, my parents bought me an MP4 for my birthday, but these idiots destroyed it again.

Tomorrow, I'll bring an MP5.

How many D&D players does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them. Never split the party.

2 baseball players had an argument on if there is baseball in heaven

They both decided that whoever died first will come back to tell the other if baseball exists in heaven.

Shortly after, friend 1 dies and comes back as promised, he says to friend 2:
“I’ve got good news and I’ve got bad news.
The good news is that there is baseball in heaven.
The b...

Why shouldn’t you marry a tennis player?

“Love” means nothing to them.

Why don’t you see many Mexican hockey players?

They try to avoid ICE at all costs.

I don’t know why people wear players’ jerseys at games.

Who do they think they’re fooling?

Hockey players are good at making new friends.

They break the ice really quickly.

What do Baseball Players and spectators have in common?

They both just wanna get home.

When a guy sleeps with a bunch of girls, he's a "player," but when a girl sleeps with a bunch of guys...

...somehow, I'm not one of them.

A person from Czechoslovakia falls in love with a chess player

It’s a Czechmate!

When did coach Hitler bench a player?

After the third st-reich.

Why are soccer players so artistic?

Because every game ends in a DRAW

How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one, he'll mess it up and the guitarist will have to do it.

The best Theremin player in the world

Doesn’t even have to touch his instrument.

What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend?

Homeless

What do you call a girl on the arm of a banio player?

A tattoo.

Who is the most famous soccer player from USA?

Ronaldo McDonaldo

What did the waiter say to the Aussie chess player after he finished his meal?

Here's your cheque mate.

What do you get when you cross a professional basketball player with a geographer?

The horses name was friday

Why did the console player cross the road?

To render the buildings

What do professional golf players do for fun?

Do not play golf.

What’s the difference between Basketball players and Soccer players?

Basketball players get actual injuries.

Why didn't the basketball player go on vacation.

He didn't want to get caught traveling.

How many teeth does a hockey player have?

Don’t you mean tooth?

Why can’t basketball players have kids?

Because they always dribble before they shoot

So, after winning the ball game, I decided to throw a ball into the crowd like I've seen pro baseball players on TV do

Apparently that's unacceptable in bowling.

Why do tennis players love vending machines?

Because they don't have to wait to for their food to be served.

What's a basketball player's favourite kind of cheese?

Swissh

Young cowboy

This young Cowboy in the Old West wanted to be the best gunfighter alive. One night as he was sitting in a saloon, he spotted an old man who had the reputation of being the greatest gunfighter in his day. The young Cowboy walked up to the old man and told him his dream. The old man looked him up and...

What’s the difference between a baseball player and an orphan?

An orphan doesn’t have a home to run to.

Staying at a hotel over the weekend and we met some chess tournament players in the lobby. They were VERY sure of themselves.

It was chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

What do you call a Fortnite player in a car?

Virgin Mobile

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was playing chess with a guy known to be an offensive player.

Within the first two minutes he called my mom a whore and slapped me with a wet paper towel.

What do you call it when a football player gets so many concussions it starts to degrade their cognition?

Touchdowns

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The story of Rolph Louie, the worst basketball player to ever make it to the NBA.

There was once a basketball player named Rolph Louie, who somehow made his way into the Chicago Bulls. This decision to pick up Rolph for the roster made no sense to anybody; it baffled the commentators, the fans and even the players on the team. Rolph could barely dribble a ball...

In 99% of...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A groupie was about to hook up with an NBA player, but she looked at his penis and screamed.

"Why does the tattoo on your dick say AIDS???"

"Give it a second," he said. "I'm sponsored by ADIDAS."

Never buy Drugs from a volleyball player

They bump the price up
Set the location
And spike there product

Why does every fortnite player have white teeth?

Because they floss all the time.

What do you get when you return a purchase to a football player?

A quarter back

Why are frogs good baseball players?

Because they're good at catching flies!

What would the greatest hockey player in history be called if he would have chosen not to play hockey?

Wayne Regretzky

What did the cheap baseball player say when he found out how expensive first class plane tickets are?

Put me in coach!

Hockey players are like goldfish

The way we get their attention is to tap on the glass

A bass player joke.

A dad gets his son a bass and lessons for his birthday. When the son comes home from his first lesson dad asks, " what did you learn at your first bass lesson son?"

"Well dad, I learned the first 1..2..3..4...5 notes on the E string!"

"That's great son!"

The next week rolls a...

Why do interns make the best Dungeons and Dragons players?

They do it for the Experience.

What’s the difference between an accordion player and a terrorist?

Terrorists have sympathisers.

A double bass player

A double bass player gets a call for a gig. Says he has to meet everyone else at the docks at 9pm. He's there waiting when he gets bashed on the head and knocked unconscious.

He wakes up ducked taped to his bass, floating in the harbour. After his first panic fades he looks around and notice...

This one's for the D&D players. A human, an elf and a dragonborn walk into a bar.

The gnome and halfling walk underneath perfectly fine.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

For me, sex is like a game

Single player

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man walks into a bar and orders a Whiskey...

The bartender serves the whiskey and all of a sudden a monkey appears running all across the bar jumps and lands with his testicles in the whiskey and smiles to the man.

The man, confused, asks to the bartender...

-What the hell is this?

-Oh, ask the piano player, it is his monk...

Why shouldn't you hire a volleyball player to be your bartender?

The service may be excellent, but he'll try to spike all the drinks.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I asked my mum why do tennis players always sound like they are having an orgasm...

... and why does she play tennis in the bathroom

A limbo player walks into a bar.

They lost.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What is the difference between a priest and a tennis player?

The balls that the player plays have fur

The disc drive on my DVD player is busted. I guess you could say it has...

Ejectile disfunction.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man in a Florida supermarket tried to buy half a head of lettuce.

The very young produce assistant told him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce.

The man persisted and asked to see the manager.

The boy said he'd ask his manager about it.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager: 'Some asshole wants to buy half a head of le...

Basketball players are the most upstanding members of society

They really are people to look up to.

If I were a trumpet player I would constantly borrow other people's trumpets.

I'd hate to toot my own horn.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do masturbating and being a bad trumpet player have in common?

Blow your horn in private, no one wants to see you rehearsing in a public park.

People ask me how it's like to be a professional yoyo player

I tell them it has its ups and downs

I was heartbroken when I left my tennis-player girlfriend

But unfortunately, we had very different definitions of love.

A chess player once borrowed a million dollars to purchase special edition chess boards.

His friend asked him to pay the money back but he ran away. His friend got cancer and couldn't pay the bills.

Finally the chess player went to visit him, holding a piece of paper in his hand. He walked up to him, and extended his arm towards him, and said "Check, mate."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A teacher in a 3rd grade class asked her students what their fathers did for a living.

She got all kinds of answers: doctors, engineers, bus drivers. Finally little Billy stood up and said, "My dad is a piano player in a whore house."

"What?!" the teacher exclaimed.

Billy repeated himself, "My dad is a piano player in a whore house."

The teacher was utterly ince...

Three bass players walk into a bar.

They’re actually in the middle of performing Beethoven’s 9th symphony, but there’s a long section near the end where the basses don’t play, so they decide to go to the bar next door and grab a drink.

To know when to come back for the end of the symphony, the bassists tie a string to the condu...

Why don't physicists and Bingo players get along?

They disagree on the application and existence of a free space.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I heard that Fortnite put a limit of three outfits for players in Isreal.

Jews aren't allowed to have four skins.

I went to lunch with a champion chess player.

It took him 8 minutes to pass me the salt...

How can you tell that a Bingo player just isn't into you?

When you call their numbers 5 times in a row and they still don't answer.

People hate me for buying a record player...

But I think it was a sound investment

If a jockey wears jockey shorts, and a basketball player wears basketball shorts, what kind of shorts does the President wear?

Depends

How do you get two Piccolo players to play in tune?

Depends which one you want to shoot.

What’s the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player

A hockey player showers after 3 periods

The keyboard player in our band committed suicide...

...after his Hammond c70, Moog 361 and Casio with a built in valve and leslie keyboards all broke down at once.


The coroner said he died of multiple organ failure

Who's the best hide and go seek player

Anne Frank

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why do trombone players have the best sex

They always get two holes in seven positions

How do Counter Strike players clean their computers?

They dedust it

Which piano player is the most predictable poker player?

Ben Folds

Why wouldn't Jesus Christ be a good basketball player?

Because he'd get crossed up

A Vegan, a Crossfitter and a Fortnite player walked into a bar

I only know because they told everyone twice within 5 minutes.

Why do Magic: The Gathering players love Michelle Obama?

She's a first edition Black Flotus

How did the amateur bass player introduce himself?

Hey guys, so I play the guitar, lowkey

Two German soccer players go to a sperm bank..

The nurse there tells them that she can only take samples from one of them. Since they are both very strong men, she comes to a conclusion and tells them "I'll take a sample from the fastest runner"

This is alarming to the two German's, both of them being completely exhausted from the previou...

Why do all Fortnite players have healthy gums?

Because they floss regularly.

What do novice piano players have in common with embedded systems programmers?

They both write in C.

What Do You Call An Arrogant Trumpet Player?

A Brass-Hole

How do Runescape players clean themselves?

They don't. That would be an XP waste.

One for you MTG Players

Happiness goes on the stack but it never resolves.


Esp when I'm against control

My 5 year old grandson came up with this joke, and didn't even realize it was funny and made sense: Why did the basketball player go to the bathroom?

Because he was dribbling. 😊

What do rapists and minigolf players have in common?

They both aim for the least amount of hits until they get it into the hole.

What are the toughest 4 years of a football player's life?

5th grade

I'm not saying I got too excited when I kissed that saxophone player...

But I jazzed in my pants.

I had to give up my job as the triangle player in a reggae band

It was just one ting after another

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I threw some of my poo at a famous football player.

Shit got Messi.

Why did the drum player commit suicide after being charged with homicide?

He couldn't handle the repercussions.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I used to be a real player in high school, fucked every girl in my class

Until my mom stopped homeschooling