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The coach grimaced as he watched his young ice hockey team. At one point during the game, he called one of his 7-year-old players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded affirmatively...

"Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?"

The little boy nodded once more.

"So..." the coach continued. "I'm sure you know that when a penalty is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-...

Never date a tennis player

Love means nothing to them

A bass player found a genie

A bass player found a genie, rubbed it and said “I want to be the best bass player in all of America”

the genie responded “your wish is my command” and he spent the next few years touring with some of the biggest bands in the country

He eventually got bored of just staying in America s...

What did they call the Minecraft player who built a clock in-game to chime at 4:20?

A Redstoner.

(NSFL) What's the difference between a homeless woman and a hockey player?

A hockey player showers after three periods.

I'm starting a new business where I host parties for football players

Just trying to make ends meet

Recently I started dating a curling player

Needless to say, she swept me off my feet.

A basketball player, a Mexican, and a terrorist are all on a plane. Long

The plane is going super slow so they all got rid of some weight. The basketball player said, "I have a ton of basketballs, I don't need this many," and threw some off the plane. The Mexican said, "I have a ton of tacos, I don't need this many," and threw some off the plane. The terrorist said, "I h...

Why are Nintendo players afraid of the fence?

Because it prevents animal crossing.

What does an old man have in common with a basketball player?

They both dribble

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An unemployed piano player walks into a bar

He speaks to the owner who says, you're in luck, we're looking for a piano player right now! How about you play a couple of songs for me.

Happy to! I write all my own stuff!

The piano player sits down and plays the first tune.

Owner: that was fantastic! What do you call that one...

If a professional piano player is a pianist..

..then a professional race player is a racist?

*rap musicians scurrying about*

Which rockstar is the best chess player?

Bob Seger, because he’s always working on them knight moves.

Why are tennis players always hugging?

Because they always start their matches at love all

(A joke from my Alexa)

Why are fencing players so good at also being guards at museums?

They’re always en garde.

I'm really pleased that our band has just signed a Jamaican triangle player.

Now every little *ting* is gonna be all right!

I’ve made a website for depressed tennis players…

The servers are currently down...

Have you heard of the baseball player whose full name was babe?

He was ruthless

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Why are minecraft players virgins?

It would be wrong to smash a miner

Dating a female tennis player is always a good idea.

They've got good aces.

What do they call Player Unknown Battlegrounds in France?

Fortnite battle royale, with cheese

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NSFW - Sammy the journeyman NFL player

Sammy was your less than average NFL player. He always managed to land on a roster, but in 13 years had never felt the glory of playing on Sunday. Every game he'd put on his gear, smear his cheeks with eye-black, don his helmet and rush onto the field with his teammates. But play after play, game...

(Apparently, I said this joke in my sleep, and don't recall ever hearing it before, so I may have come up with it in my sleep as well.) Did you hear the one about the professional hockey player who quit his job to become an accountant?

He wanted an off-ice job.

2 football players are in a bar

One walks up to the other and says hey, wanna shot?
The other says: Il pass

What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their wins in a hotel lobby?

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

Why do basketball players love cookies?

Because they can dunk them!

A professional limbo player walks into a bar,

He was disqualified

Amazing Team Player

The interviewer calls the candidate for the interview.

The candidate enters and gives his resume. The interviewer takes a look and mentions that he is going to peruse through it.

The interviewer starts reading through the projects and sees that he single-handedly led all his teams. He ...

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A man walks into a saloon, draws his gun and shoots the piano player dead.

“I’ve been itching to do that for a long time,” he says, “that
bloody noise has been driving me mad.”

The barman beckons the man to one side.

“Mind if I give you a bit of advice, Mister? If I were you I
would file off any sharp edges on your gun and grease the
barrel.”

...

What’s the one thing professional poker players and plumbers can agree on?

A royal flush is better than a full house

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Back in 2009, I got my dick stuck in a DVD player playing a Disney Pixar movie.

Turns out I really fucked up.

What do you call a boat full of polite football players?

A good sportsman ship



I'm sorry

Why can't football players wear glasses?

Because it's a contact sport

My bullies broke my MP3-Player at school. Luckily, my parents bought me an MP4 for my birthday, but these idiots destroyed it again.

Tomorrow, I'll bring an MP5.

What do you call a Call of Duty player's instant rap single?

A Flash-Banger

One of the houston astros players almost got Coronavirus

He saw the signs coming before

why are basketball players who suck at dribbling a high risk for covid 19?

because they've traveled recently

Rudy Gobert should win NBA’s defensive player of the year

He just single-handedly shut down the whole league.

Ever hear of that NBA player named Druff? Think his first name is Dan...

They say he’s Head & Shoulders above the competition!

How do Australian chess players send their food back?

"It's stale, mate."

I can't stand bass players

They're always starting everything.

Why would Jesus Christ be a great soccer player?

He really knows how to nail a cross...

Why did the mobile player cross the road?

To render the buildings on the otherside

The low brass section decides to grab drinks during a performance of Beethoven's 9th symphony

The tubas and trombones only play during the end of Beethoven's 9th symphony. During the first several movements they have a famously long period of rest.

One performance, the low brass decide to sneak out to a local bar and grab a few drinks during the beginning of the piece. They quietly du...

Why did the basketball player with corona virus got kicked from the team?

Because he started to travel too much.

2 hockey players were fighting on the rink.

Both were swinging at each other full strength. Until one lands a nice right hander to the jaw and the hockey player lands face first onto the ice. A player on the bench says "at least he got ice on it right away."

What do you do when you're weirdly attracted to a chess player, but can't make out whether they're a guy or a girl?

Check and mate

How many D&D players does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them. Never split the party.

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I bought a porn dvd today and I put it in the dvd player but all I saw was a guy holding his dick not doing anything.

It was then that I realized that I forgot to turn the tv on.

What do you call a poker player that is also a doctor?

A cardiologist.

Why do moms all over the world hate the best player in soccer?

Cause he is messi.

Dad checking out.

Interviewer: give me an example of when you’ve been a team player?

**Me:** once my friend wanted to sleep with this girl but she was married.

**Interviewer:** and you?

**Me:** distracted her husband with an interview

An airplane was about to crash..

There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.
The 1st passenger said “I am Stephen Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can’t afford to die.” So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.

The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said...

Who is ZZ Top’s favourite hockey player?

Gordie Howe Howe Howe Howe

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A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so, and although his English was far from perfect, the couple got on very well.

One day, though, he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked if he could arrange a divorce for him, "Very quick!"

The lawyer explained that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked these questions: LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"

POLE: "An acre and hal...

I've just got a job as a triangle player in a reggae band

I just stand at the back and ting

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Ok so a horse is watchin MTV

The horse is seeing a rock band and thinks "hey I could do that." The horse calls up guitar center and is like "hey I wanna learn guitar, just one problem, I'm a horse." The employee says "don't worry we can do that." The horse goes, learns guitar for a few months, gets really good, and is pretty ha...

Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players?

They dribble all the time :)

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A Piano Bar Needs a Piano Player NSFW

A man is walking down a busy street in St. Pete and see a chalk board sign out front of a pub that reads “Piano Player Wanted”.

The man walks into the bar and it’s empty other than the bar owner setting up chairs in front of the stage with a piano on it. The owner says “sorry sir we don’t o...

Why do Poker players only use analog clocks?

It helps them practice reading hands

It would be confusing to be a chess player in Australia when you have some money to deposit.

Check, mate

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A deaf-mute walks up to a foursome on the first hole at St. Andrews

He hands one of the players a card that says, “I am a deaf-mute, playing as a single, may I play through?”   
  
The player, a total jerk, shakes his head no and points the deaf-mute to go back and wait his turn.
  
A few holes later, the jerk gets hit in the head by a golf ball while ...

What happens to football players who go blind?

They become referees

When the bass player from the red hot chili peppers was growing up...

he only saw his father at Christmas time, because his work digging the railways of Mexico kept him away from home most of the year. To deal with missing his father he wrote a song about him which his father loved and used to play to his fellow workers when he returned to Mexico. As a result the song...

What did the Soccer players day when the owl died on the field?

F-owl

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A survey was conducted for poor tennis players who were bad at sex

It was decided on a worst come worst serve basis

How do you get a guitar player to stop playing?

Put a piece of sheet music in front of him.

What did the Slovak chess player say when he won the match?

Czech-mate.

What do you call a bad Russian pool player?

In off the red.

A group of DnD players walk into a bar

The bartender asks, “what’re you all in for?”

The group says “we’re hunting mimics”

The bartender laughed, the group laughed, the table laughed. They killed the table

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What do fortnite players and olive oil have in common?

They’re both extra virgin

What happened to the football player who went to prison?

He used to be a tight end, but now he's a wide receiver.

A rugby player turns up at A&E with a discolated shoulder

A doctor and a couple of burly assistants are trying to wrestle it back into place and the rugby player is letting them know how uncomfortable the entire procedure is. After a while a passing matron leans in and says "Really, sir, there's a young lady having a baby just down the corridor and she's n...

A middle school band director named Joe is having trouble instructing his students to play their instruments.

One girl is being extremely difficult and cannot play the flute to save her life. Finally he walks over to her and hits her in the head with her flute, killing her. She dies instantly and he is sentenced to death by electrocution. The warden asks what he would like his last meal to be. Joe says "I'd...

I'm currently dating a famous soccer player. He's so loving and caring towards me.

He's a keeper.

How do football players stay cool?

By standing close to the fans

Man o.j simpson was a great football player

He killed it on and off the field

What did the poker player do with the last piece of toilet paper?

Fold

Four guys were at a campsite.

They had to bunk two to a room but no one wanted to share with Daryl because he snored so badly.

They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept in the same cabin as Daryl, and came to breakfast the next mor...

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The local bar in town was looking for a piano player to play on weekends

I obliged because I love to play, and I could really use the money at the time.

Anyway, I am at the interview/audition playing a couple songs for the owner. The owner walks over to me after the first song and says, "You're pretty good, man. What's that one called?"

Me: "Fuck You Dude"...

Why did the chess player get tense in a diner?

Because the waiter said "Check".

What would you get if you crossed a football player and the Invisible Man?

Football like no one has ever seen.

I’m not too surprised that the founder of Reddit, Alexis Ohanian, is married to the tennis player Serena Williams.

Redditor are always looking for better servers.

How do you spot the trombone player's children at the playground?

They are afraid of the slide and they can't swing.

Snoop Dogg and his family break into a house.

They find some nice stuff, including a large flatscreen television, expensive paintings, and countless autographed baseballs signed by any MLB player you could name. Before they can steal anything, the police came and arrested them.

They are in a prison and they are being held at $200,000 bai...

Why can't basketball players go on vacation?

They aren't allowed to travel

I am the best hide and seek player in the world!

I played a game of hide and seek with my 3 kids and ex-wife 10 years ago. I hid and they still haven't been able to find me.

[OC] What do football (american) players and their cheerleaders have in common?

They all wear pads, but not all the time

A reporter is talking to a 17 year old hockey player

The reporter is asking the kid questions and the coach walks by and says “tell them what you know kid it won’t take very long.” The kid looks back at the coach and says, “ I’ll tell them what we both know it won’t take any longer.”

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