Never date a tennis player.

Love means nothing to them.

How do you get a guitar player to stop playing?

Put a piece of sheet music in front of him.

How many D&D players does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them. Never split the party.

So a limbo player walks into a bar

And he instantly loses

Why did the guitar player go to jail?

He fingered A-minor.

My bullies broke my MP3-Player at school. Luckily, my parents bought me an MP4 for my birthday, but these idiots destroyed it again.

Tomorrow, I'll bring an MP5.

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What is a fortnight players favorite kind of tea?

Virgini-tea

Did you know R Kelly had a chance to be a professional Hockey player.

Only problem was he never wanted to score after the first period.

What's the difference between soccer players and NFL players?

Soccer players pretend to be hurt

NFL players pretend to be innocent in court

I once dated a professional tennis player...

But I had to end it when I realised love meant nothing to her.

Did you hear about the golf player that got arrested for a DUI?

He should've picked a better driver.

Which NBA player has moves like a mouse?

S. Curry

What do a pro soccer player and a great wife have in common?

They both know how to lay down and fake it.

Hey guitar players, what's God's favourite chord?

Gsus

Congrats to Rose Lavelle of Women’s National Soccer team for winning the Bronze Ball, awarded for being the 3rd best player at the World Cup!

Also, huge congrats to the entire Men’s National Soccer team for coming so close but not finishing, winning the Blue Ball.

What is the one thing that professional poker players & plumbers can agree on?

A royal flush is better than a full house.

Why is carbon-14 such a player?

It’s great at dating.

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Why do bisexual people make the best baseball players?

Because they can swing both ways

Which fast food chain would be a good basketball player?

Dunkin' Donuts

Why did the snooker player visit the bathroom?

He wanted to pot the brown.

Why did Shakira marry a soccer player?

For his stamina - mina - eh! eh!

What did the football player say to the flight attendant?

"Put me in coach"

A bass player is playing Jazz in the street for fun when suddenly one of his strings breaks.

The Bassist is a little saddened by this, since he can't really play Jazz with only 3 strings. He contemplates whether he should go buy a replacement string, but after some time he decides it could wait and starts playing Rock instead.

He plays Rock for another hour when suddenly another stri...

A star bingo player goes to the doctor

At one of his bingo tournaments, someone pointed out a dark spot on his neck. The bingo player was worried about this new mole growing on his body, thinking that it could be cancerous.

Bingo player: What do you think of the mole? Should i be worried?

Doctor: B9

How many guitar players does it take to screw in a lightbulb

Seven: One to do it, and six others saying "psh, I can do that better."

A game you shouldn’t play single player?

Russian Roulette

Do you know why golf players always wear 2 pants?

In case that they get a hole in one

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How could you tell that the ambidextrous baseball player was bi-sexual?

Cuz he swings both ways.

2 baseball players had an argument on if there is baseball in heaven

They both decided that whoever died first will come back to tell the other if baseball exists in heaven.

Shortly after, friend 1 dies and comes back as promised, he says to friend 2:
“I’ve got good news and I’ve got bad news.
The good news is that there is baseball in heaven.
The b...

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Why dont Minecraft players have sex?

Its illegal to fuck a miner

You known you're stoned when you try to put a poppadom in the DVD player.

Your know you're really stoned when a Bollywood movie starts playing.

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What did the basketball player get when he went to Russia looking for free prostitutes?

Nothing but nyet.

What does a cannibalistic football player say to his teammates before a high five?

“Give me some skin!”

What did the NTSC player say to his European friend?

Hello pal!

Who is Donald Trump’s favorite NBA player?

John Wall

Basketball players don't like to leave their home town

We hate travelling so much.

What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend?

Homeless

When a guy sleeps with a bunch of girls, he's a "player," but when a girl sleeps with a bunch of guys...

...somehow, I'm not one of them.

Communism is like a smart but unskilled piano player.

Good in theory but bad in practice.

What do Baseball Players and spectators have in common?

They both just wanna get home.

At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?"
The little boy nodded yes.
"So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you're out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand a...

The best Theremin player in the world

Doesn’t even have to touch his instrument.

Hockey players are good at making new friends.

They break the ice really quickly.

Do you know how PC gamers always can beat console players if they play against each other?

They press the Win-key.

Did you hear about the D&D player who attacked Siskel and Ebert?

It was a critical hit

Why did the console player cross the road?

To render the buildings

What do you get when you cross a talented basketball player, and an untrustworthy royal vizier?

Kareem Abdul-Jafar; although these days I hear he's a magical genie who dabbles in writing Sherlock Holmes novels.

A person from Czechoslovakia falls in love with a chess player

It’s a Czechmate!

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When did coach Hitler bench a player?

After the third st-reich.

I don’t know why people wear players’ jerseys at games.

Who do they think they’re fooling?

Why are soccer players so artistic?

Because every game ends in a DRAW

What do you call a girl on the arm of a banio player?

A tattoo.

What do you get when you cross a professional basketball player with a geographer?

The horses name was friday

How many teeth does a hockey player have?

Don’t you mean tooth?

Who is the most famous soccer player from USA?

Ronaldo McDonaldo

So, after winning the ball game, I decided to throw a ball into the crowd like I've seen pro baseball players on TV do

Apparently that's unacceptable in bowling.

What did the waiter say to the Aussie chess player after he finished his meal?

Here's your cheque mate.

What do professional golf players do for fun?

Do not play golf.

A bass player joke.

A dad gets his son a bass and lessons for his birthday. When the son comes home from his first lesson dad asks, " what did you learn at your first bass lesson son?"

"Well dad, I learned the first 1..2..3..4...5 notes on the E string!"

"That's great son!"

The next week rolls a...

What’s the difference between Basketball players and Soccer players?

Basketball players get actual injuries.

What’s the difference between a baseball player and an orphan?

An orphan doesn’t have a home to run to.

Why can’t basketball players have kids?

Because they always dribble before they shoot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a Fortnite player in a car?

Virgin Mobile

Why do tennis players love vending machines?

Because they don't have to wait to for their food to be served.

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A groupie was about to hook up with an NBA player, but she looked at his penis and screamed.

"Why does the tattoo on your dick say AIDS???"

"Give it a second," he said. "I'm sponsored by ADIDAS."

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The story of Rolph Louie, the worst basketball player to ever make it to the NBA.

There was once a basketball player named Rolph Louie, who somehow made his way into the Chicago Bulls. This decision to pick up Rolph for the roster made no sense to anybody; it baffled the commentators, the fans and even the players on the team. Rolph could barely dribble a ball...

In 99% of...

Hockey players are like goldfish

The way we get their attention is to tap on the glass

Never buy Drugs from a volleyball player

They bump the price up
Set the location
And spike there product

What did the cheap baseball player say when he found out how expensive first class plane tickets are?

Put me in coach!

What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

What would the greatest hockey player in history be called if he would have chosen not to play hockey?

Wayne Regretzky

What's a basketball player's favourite kind of cheese?

Swissh

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A man walks into a bar and orders a Whiskey...

The bartender serves the whiskey and all of a sudden a monkey appears running all across the bar jumps and lands with his testicles in the whiskey and smiles to the man.

The man, confused, asks to the bartender...

-What the hell is this?

-Oh, ask the piano player, it is his monk...

Young cowboy

This young Cowboy in the Old West wanted to be the best gunfighter alive. One night as he was sitting in a saloon, he spotted an old man who had the reputation of being the greatest gunfighter in his day. The young Cowboy walked up to the old man and told him his dream. The old man looked him up and...

Yesterday a Chelsea player refused to be subbed...

Guess he's a Kepa

Why do interns make the best Dungeons and Dragons players?

They do it for the Experience.

A double bass player

A double bass player gets a call for a gig. Says he has to meet everyone else at the docks at 9pm. He's there waiting when he gets bashed on the head and knocked unconscious.

He wakes up ducked taped to his bass, floating in the harbour. After his first panic fades he looks around and notice...

What do you get when you return a purchase to a football player?

A quarter back

What’s the difference between an accordion player and a terrorist?

Terrorists have sympathisers.

Three bass players walk into a bar.

They’re actually in the middle of performing Beethoven’s 9th symphony, but there’s a long section near the end where the basses don’t play, so they decide to go to the bar next door and grab a drink.

To know when to come back for the end of the symphony, the bassists tie a string to the condu...

If I were a trumpet player I would constantly borrow other people's trumpets.

I'd hate to toot my own horn.

This one's for the D&D players. A human, an elf and a dragonborn walk into a bar.

The gnome and halfling walk underneath perfectly fine.

Why are frogs good baseball players?

Because they're good at catching flies!

Why shouldn't you hire a volleyball player to be your bartender?

The service may be excellent, but he'll try to spike all the drinks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my mum why do tennis players always sound like they are having an orgasm...

... and why does she play tennis in the bathroom

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between a priest and a tennis player?

The balls that the player plays have fur

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I heard that Fortnite put a limit of three outfits for players in Isreal.

Jews aren't allowed to have four skins.

The disc drive on my DVD player is busted. I guess you could say it has...

Ejectile disfunction.

Basketball players are the most upstanding members of society

They really are people to look up to.

They’ve just found Sala, the Cardiff city players plane in the sea and when asked how they’re raising it a spokesperson said...

Back of the net!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do masturbating and being a bad trumpet player have in common?

Blow your horn in private, no one wants to see you rehearsing in a public park.

A chess player once borrowed a million dollars to purchase special edition chess boards.

His friend asked him to pay the money back but he ran away. His friend got cancer and couldn't pay the bills.

Finally the chess player went to visit him, holding a piece of paper in his hand. He walked up to him, and extended his arm towards him, and said "Check, mate."

People ask me how it's like to be a professional yoyo player

I tell them it has its ups and downs

What’s the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player

A hockey player showers after 3 periods

The keyboard player in our band committed suicide...

...after his Hammond c70, Moog 361 and Casio with a built in valve and leslie keyboards all broke down at once.


The coroner said he died of multiple organ failure

I went to lunch with a champion chess player.

It took him 8 minutes to pass me the salt...

Why don't physicists and Bingo players get along?

They disagree on the application and existence of a free space.

A Vegan, a Crossfitter and a Fortnite player walked into a bar

I only know because they told everyone twice within 5 minutes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the same between Fortnite players and Olive Oil?

They’re both extra-virgin.

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?”

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something, our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde, Im a 6’ tall, 200lb black belt, the guy sitting next to me is 6’2”, weighs 225, and he’s a rugby player, the fella on your right is 6’5” pushing 300 and...

If a jockey wears jockey shorts, and a basketball player wears basketball shorts, what kind of shorts does the President wear?

Depends

How can you tell that a Bingo player just isn't into you?

When you call their numbers 5 times in a row and they still don't answer.

I was heartbroken when I left my tennis-player girlfriend

But unfortunately, we had very different definitions of love.

Who's the best hide and go seek player

Anne Frank

People hate me for buying a record player...

But I think it was a sound investment

Which football club has the maximum chicken players?

KFC

Why do Magic: The Gathering players love Michelle Obama?

She's a first edition Black Flotus

How do Counter Strike players clean their computers?

They dedust it

How do you get two Piccolo players to play in tune?

Depends which one you want to shoot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do trombone players have the best sex

They always get two holes in seven positions

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