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The coach grimaced as he watched his young ice hockey team. At one point during the game, he called one of his 7-year-old players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded affirmatively...

"Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?"

The little boy nodded once more.

"So..." the coach continued. "I'm sure you know that when a penalty is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-...

Why do piano players make great lovers.?

They get the fingering right.

Dating a tennis player is horrible...

Love means nothing to them!

A Bad Limbo Player Walks Into a Bar.

Thats it.

A friend asked me to name all nba players

I politely refused and told him they already have names

What’s the difference between hockey players and hippie chicks?

Hockey players shower after three periods

Who is the least acidic baseball player of all time?

Al Kaline.

If a watchmaker uses Dial and a piano player uses Ivory and a Orange grower uses Zest...

...Does a Bull Fighter use Olay?

The stereotype of gta players using hookers to heal and shooting them to get money back is ridiculous

You’re supposed to just call an ambulance and shot the driver, it’s much more efficient!

I met some chess players in the hotel lobby bragging about how good they were

It was chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

An association football player and hockey player walk into a bar...

...and sit next to each other. The two only order one beer each, and at one point an argument occurred. The two, deciding not to disturb the rest of the visitors, took it outside and prepared for a fight.

Before any punches could be thrown the football player fell to the ground and called for...

What did Jim Carrey say when he wasn’t allowed to have a left handed baseball player on his team?

Allllllllllll righty then!

Why don’t football players wear glasses?

It’s a contact sport.

A football player goes to the doctor and says "It hurts when I touch my face, elbow and knee." The doctor says,

"You've broken your finger"

After an embarrassing loss, the coach announced to the players:

“When I told you to play like you have never played before, i did not mean that you should play like you have never *played* before!”

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What do you call a bar where the saxophonist, trumpet player, and flute player all have sex with each other on stage?

HornPub

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A man in Melbourne walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of cabbage. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of cabbage. The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter...

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some old bastard outside wants to buy half a head of cabbage."

As he finished his sentence, he turned around to find that the man had followed and was standing right behind him, so the boy quickly added, "...and this gentleman kindly o...

My bullies broke my MP3 player at school. Luckily, my parents bought me an MP4 for my birthday, but these idiots destroyed it again.

Tommorow, I'll bring an MP5.

Did you know R Kelly had a chance to become a professional Hockey player?

The only problem was.. is that he never wanted to score after the first period.

I’m not a player, I’m a gamer. Players get chicks.

I get bullied at school.

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There was a man who had 3 girlfriends, but he did not know which one to marry. So he decided to give each one $5000 and see how each of them spent it.

The first 1 went out and got a total makeover with the money. She got new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."
The 2nd one went out and bought new golf clubs, a Dvd player, a televis...

What's the difference between a guitar player and a couch?

A couch can support a family.

Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players?

They dribble all the time.

It’s 10pm when the phone rings in Dr. Stein’s house.

"It’s Dr. Gold," says his wife, passing him the phone, "I do hope it’s not another emergency."

Dr. Stein takes the phone and says, "Hi, what’s up?"

"Don’t worry, everything’s OK," replies Dr. Gold. "It’s just that I’m at home with Dr. Lewis and Dr. Kosiner. We’re having a little game...

Watching Queen's Gambit really put me in the holiday spirit. Especially the scene where the player are in the hotel lobby bragging about the matches they won

I love chess nuts boasting in an open foyer

I'm the best Twister player in the world-

Hands down

Kid in a multi-player lobby: "Do you guys have skin?"

Other player: "No, we only have bones and muscles."

One of Santa's helpers and a football player on the defense together went on a rampage.

It was elf and safety gone mad.

What’s the difference between a paintball player and a skydiver?

A paint baller goes “ *SPLAT* Dang!”

A skydiver goes “Dang! *SPLAT*”

Who is Ghlislane Maxwells favorite American Football player?

Chase Young

What do you call a bass player that broke up with his girlfriend?

Homeless

What's the difference between a banjo player and a squashed toad on the side of the road?

There is a slim possibility that the toad was on its way to a gig.

How do you get the bass player to leave the party?

Pay him for the pizza.

Did you hear about the group of Kansas City football players who all contracted skin infections while smoking marijuana?

The Joint Chiefs of Staph

Smartest president

An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.

The 1st passenger said, 'I am LeBron James, the best NBA basketball player. The Lakers and my millions of fans need me, and I can't afford to die.' So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.

The 2...

What to blm protestors and cod players have In common?

They both hate people who use riot shields

What’s going through the mind of a Russian roulette player?

A bullet

I quit my career as a professional poker player, and I decided to open a grocery store.

For the first couple weeks, I didn’t earn much money. Then, I decided to rearrange the meat and the snacks in my store. I started earning lots of money. I knew that I would succeed when the chips were down and the steaks were high.

What do a bad baseball player and a male goose have in common

they both have foul balls

Why is the bass player always the happiest person in the band?

The guitar player needs to know how to score weed

The singer needs to know how to score chicks

The drummer needs to own a van big enough for the gear

And the bass player gets weed, chicks, and a ride home

Why is a woman thru hiker like a hockey player?



They both go three periods before taking a shower.



\-- I was told this joke by a woman thru hiker while hiking the Pacific Crest Trail.

Golf players aren't real althletes.

They've got small balls.

I used to be the worst player on my football team but then I moved to America

Now I’m the worst on my soccer team

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A hockey player gets sent to jail for soliciting a prostitute

I guess you could say he was sent to the Penalty Box for hooking

What do you call a boat full of polite football players?

A good sportsman ship



I'm sorry

A football player asked his wife if she ever cheated on him

This is translated from Arabic, I don’t know if it’s going to be funny as in Arabic but I’ll try my best *fingers crossed*

A football player once asked his wife if she ever cheated on him, she answered with “yes, three times.” He then asked “Ok, tell me about the first time.” She said, “Do y...

Why do cops make the worst pool players?

They always shoot the eight ball first.

A Call of Duty player doesn't feel well and goes to the Doc

Doctor: What's your favorite map?




Cod player: Terminal

Doctor: What a coincidence.

A woman is arrested for killing her guitar player husband

She is accused of bashing her husband's head in with his guitars because he never paid any attention to her.

In her first court appearance, the judge looks at the woman and asks: “First offender?"

The woman replies: “No. First it was a Gretsch, followed by a Gibson, and then a Fender."

A journalist asked Tim Cook why iPhones are so expensive

"Well", said Tim Cook, "that's because the iPhone replaces a whole bunch of devices. A phone, a camera, a watch, a music player, a video player, a PDA, a voice recorder, a GPS navigator, a flashlight, a calculator, a portable gaming console, and many other things. Surely, a high price is worth payin...

I refuse to listen to music on new types of music players.

I guess I just have an 8-track mind.

I wanted to know more about the people who’s job it is to squirt Gatorade into the mouths of football players.

Did a Google search for “Professional Squirters”. I won’t make that mistake again.

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4 Men at a bar discuss the most difficult sport to play. The first man, wide as a dishwasher and having huge muscles all over, says

“I’m a football player, it’s the hardest sport in the world to play! You’ve gotta be in top physical condition and have excellent situational awareness.”

The second man, an older gentleman wearing a collared shirt, says “Sorry champ, but the actual hardest sport to play is golf. Every swing o...

Why was Cinderella a lousy basketball player?

She had a pumpkin for a coach.

My tennis career has taught me that I can be the best basketball player ever

Nothing but net

A bass player dies and goes to hell

when he gets there, he’s surprised to find Keith Moon immediately greeting him.

“Hey man, you’ve gotta join our band. We’ve got Jimi Hendrix and Stevie Ray Vaughn on guitar, and Im on drums”

the bassist looks confused and says “wait, this is hell right? that sounds awesome!”

“we...

Did you hear about the Toronto baseball player who was arrested for illegally crossing the street?

Jaywalking

Why did the woodwind player show off their instrument?

Because if you've got it, flaut it.

One day a baseball umpire brought his son to a game to watch him work. Dutmring the game, the umpire was rude and insulting, even to the point of spitting and cursing the players. At the end of the game he knelt down and beckoned his son to come sit on his knee. The boy refused saying . . .

The son never sits on the brutish umpire.

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Which instrument players are the sexiest?

Violinists. No matter what, their G strings are always sharp af.

Why are Australians such confident baseball players?

They’re always being told “good eye”


Yes I realize this is stupid :)

Why do dyslexic chess players have such fresh breath?

Because they're so good at finding Tic Tacs.

With the US Open going on...how do tennis players discipline their kids?

Mostly with their forehand, sometimes their backhand.

A Priest was explaining how much he loved Jesus to a guitar player.

The guitar player replied " I love Gsus2".

Barcelona players not gonna eat anything till morning

Because they 8-2 much

A viola player goes into a music shop

The shop assistant asks what he would like and the viola player says "Well, I've been playing the viola for years and I'm getting really tired of everyone pointing and laughing and acting like I don't know the first thing about music, so I'm thinking about taking up another instrument".

"Do y...

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What do you call an impotent baseball player?

Two balls and a strike.

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[NSFW] A pent-up piano player in a restaurant goes off and masturbates...

His boss finds him in the stall and screams at him, “Get the hell back out there, you got a job to do!”

So he rushes back out, and someone comes up to him and says “Do you know you have cum in your hair and your dick is hanging out?”

And he says, “No, but if you hum a few bars I’m sure...

What is the difference between a politician and a poker player?

None. They are both lying with a poker face on.

How many D&D players does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them. Never split the party.

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Once upon a time...

A horse lived on a farm with a pig, a sheep, and a cow. Now these were no ordinary barnyard animals - for they were bestowed the miracle of Disney animal anthropomorphism - subsequently, the farmer was very happy to have these animals in his posession and the people who came afar to see them made hi...

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Did you hear about the tennis tournament that forced its players to masturbate to determine who gets the ball?

First cum, first serve.

I think Hong Kong is the next big player in the fashion world.

Mask were very in during the protests last year. Now everyone's wearing one.

I’ve made a website for depressed tennis players…

The servers are currently down...

There was a rumour that Barcelona wanted to get free of their best player

Reporters say he was being too Messi

I'm really pleased that our band has just signed a Jamaican triangle player.

Now every little *ting* is gonna be all right!

What did the competitive chess player call their Czech friend?

Czech mate!

What does a football player say when they beat someone in football?

"Ha ha ha, soccer"

How do you tell a programmer from a DnD player?

Ask them to complete the list: int, char, str...

A baseball player worked part time at a bakery

His boss told him "Hey batter batter batter"

Why do volleyball players make good soldiers?

Because they know how to serve and kill.

Five Detroit Tigers fans, Al, Ben, Carl, Dan, and Edgar, are watching a home game for the Tigers. Of course, the Tigers easily lose, and the five fans leave the stadium angrily.

"If those players had played better, we could have won," said Al.

"Don't blame the players, blame the coach," said Ben. "If he had trained the players better, they would have played better."

"Those players couldn't play a decent game if their lives depended on it," said Carl. "But it's...

What does prostate cancer patient have in common with a basketball player?

They both dribble

So a dart player came up to me and said "Why did u put super glue on my dart? '...

I said "You can't just let it go can you"

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What do a chess player and a pornstar have in common?

Thinking long and hard

I was watching an international soccer game, and suddenly an Iranian player ran into the stands to beat up a spectator.

Then the Shiite hit the fan.

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I bought a porn dvd today and I put it in the dvd player but all I saw was a guy holding his dick not doing anything.

It was then that I realized that I forgot to turn the tv on.

There once was a double bass player who always had problems with timing. Over time it got him so desperate and frustrated that he...

...threw himself behind a train

I tried to find volunteers for a tug of war game during a party, but failed miserably

The good players just won't come forward.

Why did Shakira marry a soccer player

For his stamina mina eh eh!

I told my drums, cymbals, xylophones, gongs, bells, and rattles players to play their part twice...

...but they didn't, so there are going to be re-percussions.

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A very tall man walks into a bar

and a lady recognizes him as a pro Rugby player. They start to talk and eventually go back to his place.

They start to kiss, and the man takes off his shirt. On his arm, he has a tattoo that says REEBOK.
"What's that for?" the lady questions.
"Oh, I have this so that when I'm on TV, peo...

(Apparently, I said this joke in my sleep, and don't recall ever hearing it before, so I may have come up with it in my sleep as well.) Did you hear the one about the professional hockey player who quit his job to become an accountant?

He wanted an off-ice job.

Why did the hockey player hate his desk job at the ice skating rink?

Because he was in the office part of the building

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What is something that minecraft players and men can say?

Fuck, my pick broke, I can’t go any deeper.

Basketball players are afraid of themselves.

They don't like great heights

How do you get a guitar player to stop playing?

Put a piece of sheet music in front of him.

A board game wherein players have to figure out who gave them an STD.

New from Johnson & Johnson: Clue-midia.

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