The 18+ Best Davis Jokes

I was shocked to learn my fathers entire portfolio was invested in Rita Hayworth, Bette Davis, Hedy Lamarr, Mae West and Lauren Bacall...

He tells me it's a broad index fund.

Incredible Story of Dr. Davis and an Elephant

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Victoria University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected...

Do you know what Miles Davis is called in Europe?

1.60934 Kilometers Davis

joke courtesy of Stephen Wright

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three people arrive at the gates of Heaven

St Peter is processing them in. "Name and occupation, please?"

The first one says "Andrea Smith, I was a doctor."

"Of course. Doctors who save lives are allowed. Come in. Next?"

The second one says "Megan Jones, I was a nurse."

"Of course. Nurses who care for the sic...

When Jefferson Davis was in school, his teacher told him

"You're great at division"

AMA Request: Kim Davis.

I would like to hear her answer this question, for she seems uniquely qualified to do so:

If a man and woman from Kentucky get a divorce, are they still brother and sister?

Why don't they listen to Miles Davis in Europe?

Because they listen to Kilometres Davis instead.

Mole family and farmer Davis

There was a mole family on a farm, they had a mole hole. The farm belonged to Farmer Davis.

One day Farmer Davis decided to cook some chicken, so he starts a cookin.

Papa mole could smell some chicken and thought it smelled so good, so he scurried on up the mole hole and say at the ent...

In the today's news a man was caught attempting to pickpocket Warwick Davis.

Don't know how anyone could stoop so low.

Confession

A teenage boy goes to church to confess his sins...

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned, I have been with a loose girl."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy?"

"Yes Father, it is," the boy replied.

"And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can’t tell you F...

A patient goes to the doctor and says: „I feel kind of blue.“

He has mild davis.

Did you hear?

Did you hear Johnathon Davis and Courtney Love are starting a band together?

KORNHOLE!

Why do aliens refuse to destroy churches in movies?

Because the Davis Entertainment Company still owns the right to Alien vs Predator

America could never switch to the metric system.

Kilometers Davis, how does that sound?

Lost my job at the HR department for signing the complaints letters with my initials.

Apparently it's because my name is Tommy Lee Davis Richards.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Army is undergoing budget cuts.

Cpt. Davis sitting in his tent, hears the roar of a helicopter and heads outside. Instead of a vehicle, however, there are three very confused soldiers sitting on top of a fourth soldier making helicopter noises with his mouth.

"The hell's going on here?" Davis yells

"Well, captain, af...

Grandpas joke: Ellen's church recognition

Ellen was very involved with her church and community projects. So much so, the paster decided to recognize her efforts during Sunday service.

Paster Davis: I'd like to take a moment to recognize Ellen for her hard work and contributions. Ellen come up here and take a bow.

Ellen smi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Magic Cheese

"Your blood pressure and cholesterol are too high for a 30 year old." The Doctor said to David. "You need to lose some weight and soon. You are sweating too much and your stool samples look a little too loose. In fact, you have the early stages of dysentery due to the terrible things you eat. I'm go...

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