What do Michael Jackson and USA have in common?

They both desperately wanted to be white. And the last great thing they did was a moon walk.

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How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many redittors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers ...

Michael J Fox takes a job as a bartender

On his first shift James Bond walks in.

"What'll it be?" Says Michael

Bond takes one look at him and replies.

"I'll have a Martini"

Michael takes an exam

Michael is taking an exam at his school. All questions are True or False questions. He hasn’t studied so he decides to answer all his questions by flipping a coin.

Once the time is up, The teacher collects everyones exams but notices that Michael is still working. The teacher asks why he’s ...

Think I saw Michael J Fox at the garden centre this morning

Can’t be sure though, he had his back to the fuchsias

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Q: Do you know why Michael J. Fox makes such good milkshakes?

A: Because he uses quality ingredients, what did you think asshole?

Why can’t Michael Jackson play chess?

He can’t decide which color to use

Why do people like telling Michael Jackson jokes.

Because when they do he goes HeHe.

George Michael is walking down the street with a chocolate bar in his pocket. He's gutted when he pulls it out and it has melted.

He'd been careless with his wispa

What do you call Michael Jackson's DNA?

Billie Genes

Why does Michael J Fox like COVID-19?

No more hand shaking!

What is Michael Jackson's favorite lunchtime meal?

Grilled Chee-heese

What is Michael Jackson’s favourite Indian city?

New Del he-he

What vehicle did Michael Jackson drive?

(Imagine his voice with the crotch grab)

A Kia Sedona!

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I sexually identify as Michael Jackson

My pronouns are He/Hee

Two friends named Michael and Ron were hanging out, pondering about things, while having a smoke..

Michael: Hey, Ron.. can I ask you something?!

Ron: Yeah, sure. Go on.

Michael: Do you think there's such a thing as a dumb question?

Ron: No.. that's just a stupid thing to ask!

What do a sperm bank and Michael Jackson have in common?

They both tell you to beat it.

So, This is a very famous joke from my country ,I hope to see the response

A conference for who the best actor in the world was held, Actors from all around the world came to take part in the competition.There were many qualifier rounds but then only 5 actors remained in the finals.

The final contest was decided to be a manual cow milking competition. The rules were...

What is Dwight Schrutes favourite Michael Jackson song?

Beet it.

What did Darth Vader say when the record store employee told him they were out of George Michael albums?

I find your lack of 'Faith' disturbing.

Donald Trump and Michael Pence are having a race from the roof of a very tall building. They both decide to jump down, as it’s the fastest way down. Who wins?

Society

I really wanted to share a link to Weird Al's 1984 Michael Jackson parody today but I realized

That I can't have my Cake Day and Eat It, too.

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This little old Jewish grandma took her precious grandson Michael to the beach. A a giant wave rolled up and washed little Michael into the sea.

Grandma falls to her knees, clasps her hands and looks up to the heavens and screams to God, "Lord, bring back my grandson and I'll be the best person in the world. I'll sell my stocks and give the money to the poor, I'll never say an angry word again. I will keep the Sabbath and pay all my employee...

Michael: What do you call a terminator that doesn't let you finish your sentence?

Jim: Wha-

Michael: An interrupter.

What's the name of the clothes shop Michael Jackson visited the most?

Billie JEANS

How does Michael Rosen like his lemonade?

No ice.

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Indian student in USA(NSFW)

It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said: "Let's begin by reviewing some American History.

Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces except for Ch...

At the beginning of Creation...

God created humanity and he told his angels to assemble all the human parts. There were mountains of; head, arms, legs and every other body parts. And he explained how to assemble the parts. Heads on shoulders, arms by the side, etc.

So they started making a lot of people because they had a l...

Did you hear what they did with Michael Jackson’s body?

Since he was like 90% plastic they melted him into legos and let little boys play with him for once.

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There are days when I truly think I've gotten over my porn addiction

......then I remember my favourite Michael Jackson song is 'Beat It'

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Michael and The Parrot

I'm gonna try to translate an Albanian Joke
It's hard to translate but I'll try:

Michael and the parrot

Michael had an talking parrot and wants to sell him and make some money. But the parrot had a problem that he offended anyone that he didn't like.
First comes a man with weird...

What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?

Well, he had so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into LEGOs... Now kids play with him for a change.

Surgeon: “Just relax, Michael. It’s just a small surgery.”

Patient: “My name isn’t Michael.”


Surgeon: “I know, my name is Michael.”

Two nuns are walking down the street when they notice that a man is following them.

Sister Michael, the older and wiser nun, says to the young and naïve Sister Patrick, "See that crossroad ahead? You go left and I'll go right: he can't follow us both. We'll meet back at the Abbey."

So the sisters part and the man follows Sister Michael.

Some time later, Sister Patrick...

Anne Frank, Michael Jackson, and Helen Keller walk into a bar...

Just kidding they're all dead.

Did you hear they were making a McJackson burger for Michael Jackson

It a 50 year old piece of meat in a 12 year old bun

Michael Jackson was a feature on Drakes song “Don’t Matter To Me”

It’s really cool to see that Drake supports underground artists.

How did Michael Jackson get corona?

He was only wearing one glove.

Ghetto camping terror.....

The year was 2009. My son, one of his friends, and I were ghetto camping.

That's when you pitch a tent in your backyard. Or in my case the neighbors yard.

Telling some really horrible ghost stories, when out of no where, an animal started rustling around by the garbage cans.

M...

Michael J Fox stole my old iPhone & hacked his way into it.

I think he’s looking for The Secret of my 6S

Lebron James is like Justin Timberlake.

No matter how good he his, he will never be Michael.

If Michael Sheen has a daughter he should name her Florence.

And her middle name? Andthema.

Who's Michael J. Fox's favorite author?

Shake-spear

Is your name Michael?

Thanks.




I'm doing a Mike Check.

-Mom, is God black or white?

\-Both, mother answers

\-Is he male of female?

\-Both

\-Mom, is Michael Jackson God?

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Darth Vader walks into his local record shop and asks for a copy of George Michael's debut solo album

The guy behind the counter says "I'm sorry, it's out of stock."

Darth Vader shakes his head and says "I find your lack of Faith disturbing..."

Why did Michael Jackson go to K-Mart (NSFW)

He heard little boys pants were half off

You do the Math

A lawyer writes a letter to his wife Janie...

My Dear Janie,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 57 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not...

I heard Michael Jackson actually died of food poisoning.

He ate some 12 year old nuts

Two balloons are at a party. One turns to the other and says "Hey, did you see that needle? It looked like Michael Jackson! "

"Sure," replies the other, "they call it the King of Pop."

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God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired, 'Where have you been?'
God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, 'Look, Michael. Look what I've made.'
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, 'What is it?'
'It's a planet,' replied God, 'and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's...

George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...

Careless Swissper

Michael J. Fox has contracted coronavirus

Contact tracing shows he got it from shaking hands

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one. Michael J. Fox has a short one. Madonna does not have one. The Pope does not really use his. And Justin Bieber always uses his. What is it?

A last name

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Just bought my new car stereo, which is voice activated.

If I shout "country" it plays Dolly Parton, if I shout "rock" it plays Guns and Roses. I was driving through town the other day when some children ran out in front of me, I shouted "FUCKING KIDS!" and it started playing Michael Jackson.

I used to laugh at Michael Jackson for wearing gloves and a mask.....

Yet here i am, stuck at home in this covid19 Thriller,
Beating it.....

How did michael jackson pick his nose

With a catalog

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Whats the difference between michael phelps and hitler?

Michael phelps can finish a race.

In sweden we have what is called Bellman jokes

Disclaimer: Carl Michael Bellman was a swedish author, singer, composer etc. For no particular reason swedes tell jokes about him. Usually involving him and two other guys from different nationalities. Bellman usually wins out in the end somehow.

On to the joke

There was once a Ge...

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Little Teddy’s doing very poorly in math, so his parents enroll him in Catholic school.

The first day home from St. Michael’s, he walks straight to his room to do his math homework. After dinner Teddy marches back upstairs and starts calculating again.

 

His mother visits his room and says, “You’re working awfully hard!”

 

“Well,” Teddy replies, “today when ...

Michael Bloomberg will not pick Hillary Clinton as his VP

He's not ready to commit suicide

Michael Jackson

Remember laughing at Michael Jackson wearing a mask and gloves?

Now you are all out there looking like you wanna be starting something!

Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, and Dennis Rodman are set to compete against each other in a wordplay competition in Spain

The Punning Of The Bulls

Michael and Jerry are two third graders in the same school. One day, Michael told Jerry: “I just learned a neat trick that made me twenty bucks yesterday.”

“Really? What’s the trick?” Asked Jerry.

“It’s easy.” Michael said “Just go up to an adult and whisper in their ears: ‘I know everything about that dirty little secret of yours, now give me ten bucks, or else’ ; I’ve tried it on my parents last night and it totally worked!”

Excited, Je...

I was just telling my friend Michael Rains about my unfortunate allergy to my own grown barley

My grains give me migraines, Mike Rains

LMAO IM AT MY SCHOOL TALENT SHOW AND DUDE SAYS “Before I begin, I want to make sure this mic is working”

“If your name is Michael, please stand up”

Then a couple dudes stand up

And he goes “That concludes the mike check”



stolen from twitter @ cheyrubi

A man named Michael Foot was put in charge of a committee on the disposal of nuclear weapons

"Foot Heads Arms Body"

Michael Murphy is sitting at his local pub, tossing back pint after pint of Murphy's...

Closing time arrives, and a drunken Michael tries to get up off of his bar stool only to fall flat on his face.

Drunk but determined, Michael drags himself across the pub floor to the exit. He drags himself to his home a few blocks away and decides to sleep it off on the couch as not to wake ...

Inspired by another Michael Jackson joke in the thread today . . .

How can you tell when Michael Jackson has company over?

Big Wheels in the driveway.

What did Michael Jackson have in common with a second-place NASCAR driver?

They both came in a little behind.

How do you know it’s bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?

Because the big hand is touching the little hand.

As you may know, we have approached the 10th anniversary on the death of Michael Jackson...

I think we should pause and think of all those he's touched.

Why isn’t Michael Jackson a good chess player?

Because he’s dead

A Michael Sam joke

After being drafted by the St. Louis Rams, Michael Sam celebrated by kissing his boyfriend. This is historic because it’s the first time anyone has celebrated being drafted by the St. Louis Rams. - Conan O'brien

We named our guitar school after Michael Jackson

First lesson: fingering A minor

What did Michael Jackson say before he died?

OW!!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between me and Michael J. Fox?

When I furiously masturbate in front of a urinal, i get thrown out of the building

What do Kurt Cobain and Michael Angelo have in common?

They both used their brains to paint ceilings.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A married man was having an extra-marital affair

One day when he was visiting his girlfriend,when she requested that he shave his beard.

“Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face.”

James replied,“My wife loves this beard. I couldn’t possibly do it. She would kill me!!”

“Oh please?” the gir...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What pronouns does a person who sexualy identifies as Michael Jackson use?

He/heee

Michael Jackson invited a young boy for a sleepover.

Everytime the boy would begin to drop off to sleep, he'd hear a noise, he'd look up and Michael would slink off out of the room and then behind the door. The boy grabbed the pillow and forced his eye to remain open. As soon as the boy fell asleep Michael came back in the room. In the end he could ta...

At least little Johnny has manners

A teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question:

"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael said: "Just a minute I have to go pee."

The teacher respon...

A young man stood at the side of the road and hailed a taxi. When he got in, the driver said, "Well, that was perfect timing. You're a lot like Frank." The passenger asks, "Who's Frank?" The taxidriver explains, "Frank Feldman. He also had perfect timing and was always there at just the right time."

"Ok, but nobody's perfect. Everybody makes mistakes once in a while," says the passenger." "No, no, not Frank Feldman!" replies the Taxi driver. "He was great at everything, sports too. If he'd played tennis, he probably would have won Wimbledon. He would have blown pro golfers out of the water as w...

I don’t think Michael Jackson would make for a good documentary

He’d make a better thriller

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