This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired, 'Where have you been?'
God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, 'Look, Michael. Look what I've made.'
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, 'What is it?'
'It's a planet,' replied God, 'and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's...

Whats the opposite of Michael Jackson?

Michael jacks off.

What is Michael Jackson’s favorite chord?

A minor

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Darth Vader walks into his local record shop and asks for a copy of George Michael's debut solo album

The guy behind the counter says "I'm sorry, it's out of stock."

Darth Vader shakes his head and says "I find your lack of Faith disturbing..."

What did Michael Jackson have in common with a second-place NASCAR driver?

They both came in a little behind.

Whats the first thing Michael Jackson does when he spawns in on Minecraft?

He punches a trhee-hee

Why did Michael Jackson molest young boys?

Becuase his mother always told him dont go around breaking young girls hearts.

What did they find under Michael Jackson's pillow?

Billy's Jeans

What did Michael Jackson name his denim store?

Billie jeans

We named our guitar school after Michael Jackson

First lesson: fingering A minor

What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?

Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon.

Michal Jackson touched kids

Michael Jackson and his wife didn’t get “his” and “hers” towels.

Nope. Instead, they got “she” and “HEE HEE HEEEE”

Why did Michael Jackson love twenty six year olds?

Because there were twenty of them.

What does Jeffrey Epstein and Michael Jackson have in common?

They both make the kids go “oh no”

What Advice did Michael Jackson give to people with a Gambling Addiction?

'Don't stop till you get enough'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats the difference between michael phelps and hitler?

Michael phelps can finish a race.

What college did Michael Jackson go to?

Bringham Young University

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Michael and his wife had been married for thirty five years...

Michael and his wife had been married for thirty five years and things were, let's say, a little cold in the bedroom. One day while out shopping he decided to look for a little outside stimulation. He dropped his wife off at her favourite store and went across the street to the knock shop. He swagge...

I have an extremely rare phobia of Michael Jackson joining the group that sang "Stayin' Alive."

It gives me the Hee-Hee Bee Gees.

What side dish does George Michael ask for with his curry?

Well I guess it would be rice

Why was George Michael's face brown

He got careless with a wispa

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How does it look in Michael Jackson's basement?

Stupid question. Every child knows that.

As you may know, we have approached the 10th anniversary on the death of Michael Jackson...

I think we should pause and think of all those he's touched.

Michael Jackson invited a young boy for a sleepover.

Everytime the boy would begin to drop off to sleep, he'd hear a noise, he'd look up and Michael would slink off out of the room and then behind the door. The boy grabbed the pillow and forced his eye to remain open. As soon as the boy fell asleep Michael came back in the room. In the end he could ta...

Why was Michael Jackson at Kohl’s?

He heard they had little boys pants half off.

Michael Stipe died, but only two people know about it.

That's me and the coroner.

How do you know when its bedtime at michael Jackson's house?

When the big hand touches the little hand.

What do Michael Jackson and a game console have in common?

Both are made of plastic and little boys turn them on

Abortion bill

Trump is sitting in the oval office when mike pence walks in. Pence says, here's the abortion bill you just need to sign it Mr. President

Trump replies "I thought Michael cohen paid for that"

Why did Michael Jackson dangle his baby out the window?

He was airing his blanket.

I met Michael Jackson once when I was 9 years old

It was a touching experience.

Michael Gove says he deeply regrets taking drugs

Everyone else deeply regrets he didn't take them all at once.

A stand up comedian named Michael went to get his appendix removed. What did he call the night of his surgery?

Open Mike Night

What did Michael Jackson say to the boy in bed?

Just beat it

What do Michael Jackson and Michael Jordan have in common?

They were ridiculed when they played in the minors.

A lot of people think Michael Jackson's Pronouns were He/Him, but in reality,

Michael's preferred prounouns were He/He

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I dated a twin once. People always asked me how I could tell them apart. It was simple. Ashley painted her nails pink

And Michael had a Penis.

What do you call Michael Jackson on the toilet?

The King of Plop.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just saw the Michael Jackson documentary

I didn’t realize how many kids were butt-hurt after Leaving Neverland

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The teacher told us that the first people to have a surname had some kind of story on how people began to call them that, like how Michael Collins was a drunkard

Somehow i dont wanna know Emily Dickinson's story.

Why does Michael J. Fox make really good milkshakes?

Because he’s rich and can afford the best ingredients

Where did Michael Jackson like to vacation at?

Ta-Hee-Hee

NSFW What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a Shopping Bag?

One is white, plastic and dangerous for your kids to play with and you put your groceries in the other.

Why is Michael Jackson's favorite store Walmart?

Boy's pants are 50% off

Hey! Vsauce, Michael here.. What is.... a joke?

There are dozens of people reading this joke at any one time. And some will upvote, most will downvote, and some will comment about, well, anything.... and everything. But why are they here?

You see, most people on r/Jokes have never actually laughed at a joke on this sub. They expect someon...

Yanni trips on a cable while performing with Michael Jackson. MJ runs up to him and asks

Yanni are you okay?

So Yanni are you okay

Are you okay Yanni

So my friend Michael had to quit his job as a magician...

Turns out *audiences hate him for this one simple trick*

What's Michael Jackson's favourite thing to drink?

Teahee!

What is Michael Jackson’s preferred pronoun?

Hee hee

Jan Michael Vincent died a month ago.

Luckily there are 7 more.

A lot of Michael Jackson's songs make me cry

They're very touching.

What do Michael J. Fox and the new guy at the warehouse have in common?

Both have trouble with the fork lift

I REMEMBER WHEN MICHAEL JACKSON WAS IN THE CARDIAC WARD FIGHTING HEART FAILURE.

Now they tell me he was in the children's ward having a stroke.

They say Michael Jackson was the King of Pop

I see him as a world class Fiddler

Michael Jackson is a lot like caviar.

They both come on little crackers.

This just in: Michael Jackson stomach pump reveals he passed from food poisoning.

He had digested some 12 year old nuts

What did the lady say to Michael Jackson at the beach?

Get out of my sun.

Why Did Michael Jackson's Guitarist Quit?

Michael asked him to drop the G-string and put the D into A minor.

A man in the supermarket reminded me of Michael Jackson today.

He said, “Don’t forget about Michael Jackson”.

(NSFW) why did Michael Jackson deliberately lose races ?

He enjoys coming in a little behind

Michael Avenatti is no longer representing Stormy Daniels

In other words - he pulled out

Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-five year olds'?

Because there are 20 of them.





I guess you can adjust the tense since, well you know, he's dead and all.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Michael Jackson wrote a song about my sex life

Beat it

Two priests were playing golf...

Father Bob hit his ball into the woods on his first swing, "Damn it! That totally missed!" he cursed.

"You shouldn't curse Father Bob!" said Father Michael "Or god might punish you!"

Father Bob apologized and they went on playing.

On his next swing, Father Bob hit his ball into ...

What do Michael Jackson and McDonalds have in common?

They both shove their old meat between 8 year old buns.

Michael Cohen's new book ends the same way as Trump's stories.

At chapter 11.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.