What do you yell at Edgar Allen Poe right before he crashes into a tree?

Poetry

What do you call Barry Allen driving a car?

A flashdrive

What is it called when Barry Allen commandeers a car.

A Flash Drive.

Bill Gates is having a conversation with Paul Allen.

Bill: "How come Bing failed?"

Paul: "Well, let me Goo..."

Bill: "Never mind."

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Shortly after the Revolutionary War, the American war hero Ethan Allen was in London for some business.

His hosts were very patriotic Englishmen, so there was inevitably some tension between them. One day, they acquired a portrait of George Washington and hung it in their outhouse, so that you could only see it when you were seated and the door was closed.

After Ethan came in from using it late...

Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen died today

Unfortunately ctrl-alt-delete will not bring him back to life.


RIP Paul Allen.

Barry Allen (the Flash) wanted to have an herb garden, but decided against it.

I mean, he really shouldn't be travelling through thyme...

What do you call it when Edgar Allen Poe hosts an indoor strobe party?

A Rave-in

Woody Allen and Louis C.K. die and go to hell (obviously)

Woody Allen and Louis C.K. die and go to hell (obviously). When they get there, Louis' eternal torture is to be forever trapped in the body of an eleven-year-old girl left in the unsupervised care of Woody Allen. Woody Allen's punishment is to be forever trapped in the body of Woody Allen.

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Registration on the first day back at school in London, England....

Ahmed Al Sheriah ………………………………"here"

Mustafa Al Sheriah …………………………….."here"

Fatima El Bindiri ……………………………….."here"

Ali Acmah Shabeeb ……………………………"here"

Ali Sun Al En ……………………..No answer

Ali Sun Al En?

Little girl...

What did the passive aggressive raven say to Edgar Allen Poe?

"...ugh nevermind"

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I got this one from the 2012 film 'Lincoln'

Ethan Allen was a Revolutionary War hero who had occasion to visit England shortly after peace was declared. During this trip, Allen’s British hosts pelted him with jokes about Americans and General Washington in particular and one day they got a picture of General Washington which was conspicuously...

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After 12 years of regular sessions, my therapist said something that made me cry immensely.

"No habla Ingles".



^(Courtesy of Woody Allen (I think))

Who is the fastest cow alive?

Dairy Allen, because he's pasteurized before you see him.

There has been a lot of talk that it would be a lot healthier for the church if Priests were allowed to be married.

I feel that if a Priest meets another Priest and they like one another, sure they should be allowed to get married.

.

Credit to the comedian - Dave Allen

Ingar Kamprad, the founder of IKEA has passed away

- flat pack coffins

- Allen key

- left over parts

- missing screws

This joke needs some assembly

Letter from husband to wife

Dear Sweetheart:

I can’t send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses.

You are my sweetheart.

Your husband
Allen….

His wife replied back after some days to her husband:

Dearest sweetheart,

Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses det...

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3 men and cannibal island (long)

Dave, Harold, and Allen were taking a boat trip in uncharted waters when they were ravaged by a storm. A wave crashed against the boat and capsized it. The three men woke up on the beach of a mysterious island. The three men decide they should look for food and make shelter out of the nearby jungle....

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Celebrity Computer Viruses

Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory out of your computer.

Ronald Reagan virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte.

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.<...

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"Don't knock masturbation..."

"It's sex with someone you love."... Woody Allen.

Moar...

'Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damn good.'

And lastly...

'My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.'

Name three things that come in a little yellow box

Kodak film, Dots candy and Woody Allen.

New Job.......

Barry is seated at a small table in a warmly lit coffee shop sipping coffee.
Barry’s friend Felix enters looking somewhat dubious. (Felix bares a remarkable resemblance to Woody Allen.) He spots Barry and joins him at the table.
BARRY: Did you find a job?
FELIX: Yeah. I got a job at a...

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So, man dies and goes to heaven...

He's greeted by this one person. Person goes: 'Now that you're here, would you like to take a look around heaven?'

Man says: 'Yes, I would.'

So, the person shows our man around. There seem to be people grouped into sections. Our man asks: 'Who're them lot?'

Person showing him...

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Jill works at an insane asylum....

One day shes walking by Charlie's room and sees him steering an imaginary steering wheel. "What are you doing Charlie?" She asks.
"I'm driving to Chicago!" He replies.
"Oh ok then."

Next day she walks by again, and hes still "driving." She asks, "what are you doing Charlie?" He replies,...

Registration on the first day back at school in Birmingham, ENGLAND.

*Registration on the first day back at school in Birmingham, ENGLAND.
The teacher began calling out the names of the pupils:*

"Mustafa Al Eih Zeri?" "Here"

"Achmed El Kabul?" "Here"

"Fatima Al Hayek? " "Here"

"Ali Abdul Olmi?" "Here"

"Mohammed Bin Kadir?" "Here"...

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