There were three guys named Jackson who were all in the clothing business.

Due to lack of real estate options in their city, they all set up shop next door to each other. In order to convince customers to come to *their* store rather than one of the other Jacksons, they all put up signs to attract customers.

The one on the left puts up a sign that says "Jackson's c...

Why was Michael Jackson bad at chess?

He couldn't decide if he was black or white.

I really wanted to share a link to Weird Al's 1984 Michael Jackson parody today but I realized

That I can't have my Cake Day and Eat It, too.

I just took a test to see how good my Jackson Pollock impression is.

I passed with flying colors.

What was Michael Jackson's favorite chord?

A minor

What's the name of the clothes shop Michael Jackson visited the most?

Billie JEANS

What is Michael Jackson's favorite lunchtime meal?

Grilled Chee-heese

What movie would Samuel L. Jackson and David Lynch make?

Snakes on a plane of existence.

I identify as Michael Jackson

My pronouns are he/hee

What is Dwight Schrutes favourite Michael Jackson song?

Beet it.

Did you hear what they did with Michael Jackson’s body?

Since he was like 90% plastic they melted him into legos and let little boys play with him for once.

Did you hear that Peter Jackson and John Hughes planned to make a movie together?

“The Second Breakfast Club”.

What’s Michael Jackson’s favourite narcotic?

LSDeehee

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So there's this kid named Jackson . . .

Jackson is about to have his first day of kindergarten.

He knows his name. He's like 5 or 6, or whatever age kindergartners are. They all know their names. That's important.

So Jackson goes into his class. His parents drop him off or whatever. Class starts and the teacher starts doing ...

Did you hear about the michael jackson impersonator who expertly robbed a bank?

He was a smooth criminal

Anne Frank, Michael Jackson, and Helen Keller walk into a bar...

Just kidding they're all dead.

Did you hear they were making a McJackson burger for Michael Jackson

It a 50 year old piece of meat in a 12 year old bun

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Just bought my new car stereo, which is voice activated.

If I shout "country" it plays Dolly Parton, if I shout "rock" it plays Guns and Roses. I was driving through town the other day when some children ran out in front of me, I shouted "FUCKING KIDS!" and it started playing Michael Jackson.

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Samuel L. Jackson doesn't call his parents Mom and Dad.

He calls them Mother and Motherfucker.

My local high school was renamed from Stonewall Jackson High School to Unity Reed High School.

_What school do you attend?_

U.R. High

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It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up:?'Patrick Henry, 1775'he said.

'Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, f...

How did Michael Jackson get corona?

He was only wearing one glove.

What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?

Well, he had so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into LEGOs... Now kids play with him for a change.

Who was the most relevant member of the Jackson 5?

Germane.

Curtis Jackson, aka 50 cent, considering to run for office. His first campaign slogans released.

Change we can believe in! The change we need!

I used to laugh at Michael Jackson for wearing gloves and a mask.....

Yet here i am, stuck at home in this covid19 Thriller,
Beating it.....

What did the woman say to micheal jackson at the beach?

Get out of my son!

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What is Samuel L. Jackson’s favorite type of porn?

Mother fucking.

Why did Michael Jackson go to K-Mart (NSFW)

He heard little boys pants were half off

Michael Jackson and Darth Vader!

Neither wanted to remain on the Dark Side!

Samuel L. Jackson was sitting at the breakfast table with his wife and 10 month old son...

His toddler starts to make some noises then very clearly says, "mother".

Sam excitedly yells, "Oh my God, honey, he just said half a word!"

How did Michael Jackson pick his nose?

From a catalog

What's the difference between a plastic bag and Micheal Jackson?

One is made of plastic and a danger to children, the other holds your groceries.

Michael Jackson

Remember laughing at Michael Jackson wearing a mask and gloves?

Now you are all out there looking like you wanna be starting something!

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How many Redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

17 purists who use candles and...

What do Santa Claus and Micheal Jackson have in common?

They both leave kids' rooms with empty sacks

I heard Michael Jackson actually died of food poisoning.

He ate some 12 year old nuts

You're walking alone on a street when a person slaps you with a silk glove and runs away. As you watch them run, 2 cops are chasing them. Michael Jackson was right...

You've been hit by, you've been stuck by, a smooth criminal.

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A man decided to join the army

During his first day of weapons training, a Platoon Sergeant chose him to be an example of the platoon.

Sergeant: "Alright private, what's your name?"
Private: "Jackson Parts, sir!"
Sergeant: "Okay private Parts! Show us what you got!"

The whole platoon laughed for a while, but s...

The Trophy Maker (OC - long)

Old Rick Giuseppe was a fifth-generation trophy maker – like his father, grandfather, great grandfather and great great great grandfather before him. Alas, Old Rick Giuseppe’s wife had died a few years ago, and the man lived in solitude, apart from a cat named Jeffery, who was his late wife’s belove...

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Samuel L. Jackson is in a field surrounded by 100 rakes.

"ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. I'VE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHER-FUCKING RAKES ON THIS MOTHER-FUCKING PLAIN!"

Why did Micheal Jackson call Boys II Men?

He thought it was delivery service.

How would you call Michael Jackson’s denim store?

Billie Jeans

How do you know it’s bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?

Because the big hand is touching the little hand.

What did Michael Jackson say before he died?

OW!!!

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Richard Pryor: I got famous for saying "motherfucker". Sam Jackson: I also got famous for saying "motherfucker".

Oedipus: You guys are all talk.

What's worse then sitting on Micheal Jackson's lap?

Still sitting on it when he stands up

Some people didn’t remember the plot of the short story The Lottery (By Shirley Jackson)

But when they did, it hit them like a rock.

Why isn’t Michael Jackson a good chess player?

Because he’s dead

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a party with R. Kelly and Michael Jackson always have?

Hee hee and Pee pee.

You sick fucks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What pronouns does a person who sexualy identifies as Michael Jackson use?

He/heee

Michael Jackson goes to the doctor

Michael Jackson: Help doctor I've been shot.
Doctor: I cant fix that but I can change your skin color so it doesn't happen again.

What did Michael Jackson have in common with a second-place NASCAR driver?

They both came in a little behind.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How did the Samuel L. Jackson chicken get to the other side?

It crossed the MOTHER FUCKING road.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why didn't Samuel Jackson get the lead role in the upcoming Oedipus movie?

Because he's a bad motherfucker.

We named our guitar school after Michael Jackson

First lesson: fingering A minor

I don’t think Michael Jackson would make for a good documentary

He’d make a better thriller

Victoria’s Secret is having a Janet Jackson themed sale for the Holidays

All bras are half off

It’s almost 2020, and a question remains unanswered since Michael Jackson’s death...

Is whether Annie are you ok?

As you may know, we have approached the 10th anniversary on the death of Michael Jackson...

I think we should pause and think of all those he's touched.

I'm having mixed feelings about being a Michael Jackson impersonator.

On one hand, you get to wear a cool white glove.

On the other hand, you don't.

How are ps4s and Micheal Jackson similar?

They're both plastic and get turned on by little kids.

Michael Jackson invited a young boy for a sleepover.

Everytime the boy would begin to drop off to sleep, he'd hear a noise, he'd look up and Michael would slink off out of the room and then behind the door. The boy grabbed the pillow and forced his eye to remain open. As soon as the boy fell asleep Michael came back in the room. In the end he could ta...

Whats the first thing Michael Jackson does when he spawns in on Minecraft?

He punches a trhee-hee

Why did Michael Jackson love twenty six year olds?

Because there were twenty of them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Girl and Her Sniper Rifle

I had a friend named Sierra once. She was a pretty chill girl. Really only had two defining characteristics about her though, her love of lemon-lime sodas and her innate marksmanship. She was a damn good crackshot.


Her dad was a bit of a gun nut. Owned lots of rifles including a classic...

What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?

Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon.

Michal Jackson touched kids

What does Jeffrey Epstein and Michael Jackson have in common?

They both make the kids go “oh no”

I met Michael Jackson once when I was 9 years old

It was a touching experience.

Why did Michael Jackson dangle his baby out the window?

He was airing his blanket.

Michael Jackson and his wife didn’t get “his” and “hers” towels.

Nope. Instead, they got “she” and “HEE HEE HEEEE”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How does it look in Michael Jackson's basement?

Stupid question. Every child knows that.

What is Samuel L. Jackson's favorite Greek tragedy?

Oedipus Rex

What college did Michael Jackson go to?

Bringham Young University

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Richard Pryor?

One got burned for Pepsi, the other got burned for coke."

I have an extremely rare phobia of Michael Jackson joining the group that sang "Stayin' Alive."

It gives me the Hee-Hee Bee Gees.

Going to church in Chicago

When I heard Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson were guest preachers at a nearby church, I decided to go there and check them out in person.

As soon as I sat down, Reverend Sharpton came over to me. I don't know why, maybe it was because I was the only white person in the church?

He laid hi...

John Denver, Michael Jackson, and Elvis are waiting at the pearly gates.

Michael asks Elvis "how did you die?" Elvis says "overdosed on sleeping medications." Michael says "same here. How about you John?" To which John Denver replies "I was leaving on a jet plane."

Why did Michael Jackson molest young boys?

Becuase his mother always told him dont go around breaking young girls hearts.

A lot of people think Michael Jackson's Pronouns were He/Him, but in reality,

Michael's preferred prounouns were He/He

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Young Samuel Jackson (an old one, adapted)

Young Samuel Jackson got a toy train for Christmas one year. His parents set up the track for him, and he happily sat down to play while the parents went about their business.

Sam yelled, "All you motherfuckers gettin on the train, get on the train! All you motherfuckers gettin off the train...

Michael Jackson had the most impressive birth to death story arc or any person.

He was born a poor black boy and died a rich white woman.

(NSFW) Did you hear they're having a Michael Jackson sale at Walmart?

A - Boy's pants are half off.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just saw the Michael Jackson documentary

I didn’t realize how many kids were butt-hurt after Leaving Neverland

Why Did Michael Jackson's Guitarist Quit?

Michael asked him to drop the G-string and put the D into A minor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Michael Jackson wrote a song about my sex life

Beat it

Jackson and Kevin

Kevin and his friend Jackson both loved baseball very much. One day, Jackson asked Kevin,

“do you think there’s baseball in heaven?”.

“Not sure” Kevin replied.

A few days later, Jackson was hit by a drunk driver and died. Kevin took it hard a would spend hours walking the beach...

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