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Jackson Jokes

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What does Sigmund Freud and Samuel L Jackson have in common?

For them, everyone is a motherfucker

Why cant Michael Jackson go within 500m of a school zone...

Because he's dead

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I sexually identify as Michael Jackson

My pronouns are He/Hee

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Richard Pryor: I got famous for saying "motherfucker". Sam Jackson: I also got famous for saying "motherfucker".

Oedipus: You guys are all talk.

Why doesn't Michael Jackson drink coffee?

Because he prefers "Tea-hee!"

How did Michael Jackson pick his nose?

From a catalog

What's Michael Jacksons favorite gaming console?

Nintendo Wii-heeee

What did Lisa Marie say to Michael Jackson when she wasn't in the mood?

Just beat it.

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Samuel L. Jackson doesn't call his parents Mom and Dad.

He calls them Mother and Motherfucker.

I heard a Michael Jackson song in the mall yesterday.

Didn't enjoy it at all though; it was bad.

Q: What would Michael Jackson be doing if he were alive today in 2022?

A: Knocking on the lid of his coffin.

Hee hee!

What drug does Micheal Jackson take?

EcstaHEE

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I suspect my neighbor Jackson defecated on my lawn when I was not home.

I asked around to check if there were any witnesses, but everyone says they didn't see jack shit.

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What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?

Neil Armstrong *walked on the moon* but Michael Jackson was a *pedophile.*

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People say Michael Jackson only became a paedophile when he was white. [NSFW]

Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Richard Pyror?

One was burnt by Pepsi and one was burnt by coke.

When is bedtime at Michael Jackson's house?

When the big hand touches the little hand.

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A family of the Jacksons on vacation.

The parents ran a nail store, and their son was a marketologist. Once the dad told his son:

We're going on vacation for a couple weeks, I hope I can count on you looking after the store while we are gone.

The son quickly exclaims:

But dad, I'm a marketologist! I know nothing ab...

Samuel L. Jackson was sitting at the breakfast table with his wife and 10 month old son...

His toddler starts to make some noises then very clearly says, "mother".

Sam excitedly yells, "Oh my God, honey, he just said half a word!"

I really wanted to share a link to Weird Al's 1984 Michael Jackson parody today but I realized

That I can't have my Cake Day and Eat It, too.

TIL in the early '80s, Michael Jackson almost founded a Mexican restaurant, and "Billy Jean" was originally recorded as a promo for the restaurant

He was going to call it "Nacho Daddy"

What do Michael Jackson and a fighter pilot shooting down a balloon have in common?

Both are King of Pop.

Have you heard of the Michael Jackson diet?

You just have to start with the man in the mirror, and ask him to change his weighs.

What do Jesus and Michael Jackson have in common?

They were both born brown - but remembered white

Did you hear they were making a McJackson burger for Michael Jackson

It a 50 year old piece of meat in a 12 year old bun

Michael Jackson should have opened a clothing line for pants.

He could have called it Billie Jeans.

Those prices are THRILLER!
No one can BEAT IT!

Kids pants would be half off there.

How did Samuel L Jackson die in star wars?

He fell out of the Windu

Eco-activists, as a protest, splashed paint on a famous Jackson Pollock painting

No-one noticed.

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Why does Sam.L.Jackson love fathers day?

'Cause it's all about celebrating those god damn motherfuckers.

What did Michael Jackson tell his girlfriend when he broke up with her

It’s not you it’s Mee-Hee

What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?

Well, he had so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into LEGOs... Now kids play with him for a change.

What is Michael Jackson’s favourite Indian city?

New Del he-he

What do Michael Jackson and USA have in common?

They both desperately wanted to be white. And the last great thing they did was a moon walk.

Michael Jackson

Remember laughing at Michael Jackson wearing a mask and gloves?

Now you are all out there looking like you wanna be starting something!

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What’s Your Name, Sailor?

The crusty Navy Master Chief noticed a new face and barked at him,

\-“Get over here! What’s your name, sailor?”

\- “John,” the new seaman replied.

\- “Look, I don’t know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy crap they’re teaching sailors in boot camp these days, but I don’t call a...

Michael Jackson, what element comes after Oxygen?

He He!

What is Michael Jackson's favorite lunchtime meal?

Grilled Chee-heese

Why do people like telling Michael Jackson jokes.

Because when they do he goes HeHe.

What do Michael Jackson and the Berlin Wall have in common?

They were both really big in the 80s, and then bits started falling off of them.

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What is Samuel L. Jackson’s favorite type of porn?

Mother fucking.

Michael Jackson and Jeffrey Epstein walk into a bar...

...and walk right out because it's 18+

Samuel L. Jackson is going to be playing St. Patrick in a new movie.

His first job will be to get some Snakes off a plain.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

What's Michael Jackson's favorite painting?

The Sha-Mona Lisa.

How did Michael Jackson get corona?

He was only wearing one glove.

I heard Michael Jackson actually died of food poisoning.

He ate some 12 year old nuts

What's the difference between Harambe and Michael Jackson?

Harambe got punished for touching little kids.

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So there's this kid named Jackson . . .

Jackson is about to have his first day of kindergarten.

He knows his name. He's like 5 or 6, or whatever age kindergartners are. They all know their names. That's important.

So Jackson goes into his class. His parents drop him off or whatever. Class starts and the teacher starts doing ...

Joe Jackson, patriarch of the Jackson family including Michael and Janet has died

Apparently cancer is the only thing he didn’t beat.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic grocery bag?

One is made of plastic and dangerous for children to play with...

And the other carries groceries.

What is Dwight Schrutes favourite Michael Jackson song?

Beet it.

Jackson and Kevin

Kevin and his friend Jackson both loved baseball very much. One day, Jackson asked Kevin,

“do you think there’s baseball in heaven?”.

“Not sure” Kevin replied.

A few days later, Jackson was hit by a drunk driver and died. Kevin took it hard a would spend hours walking the beach...

I opened the fridge today and the milk was singing a Michael Jackson song

I think it’s Bad

Why did Michael Jackson like twenty nine year olds?

There's 20 of them

Why Did Michael Jackson's Guitarist Quit?

Michael asked him to drop the G-string and put the D into A minor.

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Just saw the Michael Jackson documentary

I didn’t realize how many kids were butt-hurt after Leaving Neverland

What did Michael Jackson name his denim store?

Billie jeans

We named our guitar school after Michael Jackson

First lesson: fingering A minor

Michael Jackson goes to the doctor

Michael Jackson: Help doctor I've been shot.
Doctor: I cant fix that but I can change your skin color so it doesn't happen again.

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How does Samuel L Jackson count?

One muthafucka, two muthafuckas, three muthafuckas...

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How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many redittors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers ...

I really dislike people doing Michael Jackson impressions

Whenever I see one, I turn 360 degrees and walk away.

Why did Michael Jackson go to K-Mart (NSFW)

He heard little boys pants were half off

Michael Jackson invited a young boy for a sleepover.

Everytime the boy would begin to drop off to sleep, he'd hear a noise, he'd look up and Michael would slink off out of the room and then behind the door. The boy grabbed the pillow and forced his eye to remain open. As soon as the boy fell asleep Michael came back in the room. In the end he could ta...

A friend told me that there is a place the celebrities go after they fake their deaths. Michael Jackson is there. Elvis. Tupac.

I thanked him for telling me about this

He replied "No Biggie."

What's worse then sitting on Micheal Jackson's lap?

Still sitting on it when he stands up

Who was the most relevant member of the Jackson 5?

Germane.

How are Michael Jackson and Starfish Tuna similar?

They both come in little cans.

What would you hear if you had Michael Jackson and Kanye West in the same room?

YE-YE.

Anne Frank, Michael Jackson, and Helen Keller walk into a bar...

Just kidding they're all dead.

What college did Michael Jackson go to?

Bringham Young University

Why did Michael Jackson molest young boys?

Becuase his mother always told him dont go around breaking young girls hearts.

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Michael Jackson wrote a song about my sex life

Beat it

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Young Samuel Jackson (an old one, adapted)

Young Samuel Jackson got a toy train for Christmas one year. His parents set up the track for him, and he happily sat down to play while the parents went about their business.

Sam yelled, "All you motherfuckers gettin on the train, get on the train! All you motherfuckers gettin off the train...

Anyone can dress as Micheal Jackson

It don’t matter if you’re black or white

Jackson Pollock is your favorite artist?

Weird flecks, but okay.

What do Santa Claus and Micheal Jackson have in common?

They both leave kids' rooms with empty sacks

What is Samuel L. Jackson's favorite Greek tragedy?

Oedipus Rex

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