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What does Sigmund Freud and Samuel L Jackson have in common?

For them, everyone is a motherfucker

What would you hear if you had Michael Jackson and Kanye West in the same room?

YE-YE.

Why can’t Michael Jackson go within 200m of a school?

Because he’s dead

I opened the fridge today and the milk was singing a Michael Jackson song

I think it’s Bad

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Why does Sam.L.Jackson love fathers day?

'Cause it's all about celebrating those god damn motherfuckers.

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What did Samuel L. Jackson say when he met Oedipus?

'What's up, motherfucker?'

Michael Jackson and Jeffrey Epstein walk into a bar...

...and walk right out because it's 18+

Why can’t Michael Jackson play chess?

He can’t decide which color to use

Why do people like telling Michael Jackson jokes.

Because when they do he goes HeHe.

What did Michael Jackson say when he found two molecules of helium?

HeHe

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A young private is on sentry duty one night in the guardhouse when the telephone rings

"ARE THERE MANY CARS ON THE OFFICER'S CAR PARK?" a voice bellows down the line?

The private looks at the car park and replies "Only that fat bastard General Jackson's car"

"DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU'RE TALKING TO?" the voice shouts. "THIS IS GENERAL JACKSON!"

"And do you know who you'...

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How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many redittors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers ...

What do you call Michael Jackson's DNA?

Billie Genes

In church I heard an old lady saying a prayer

It was so sweet and sincere that I just had to share with you:-
"Dear Lord,
This has been a tough couple of years.
You have taken my favourite actor Patrick Swayze.
My favourite pop singer Michael Jackson.
My favourite Blues artist BB King.
My favourite actress Elizabeth Taylor....

There were three guys named Jackson who were all in the clothing business.

Due to lack of real estate options in their city, they all set up shop next door to each other. In order to convince customers to come to *their* store rather than one of the other Jacksons, they all put up signs to attract customers.

The one on the left puts up a sign that says "Jackson's c...

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Samuel L. Jackson doesn't call his parents Mom and Dad.

He calls them Mother and Motherfucker.

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When your wife opts to describe your sex life to her friends as ‘like Michael Jackson wrote *those lyrics* just for us’, what is your very worst case scenario?

‘Beat it, Speed Demon. Leave me alone.’

What is Michael Jackson’s favourite Indian city?

New Del he-he

I really wanted to share a link to Weird Al's 1984 Michael Jackson parody today but I realized

That I can't have my Cake Day and Eat It, too.

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I sexually identify as Michael Jackson

My pronouns are He/Hee

What is Michael Jackson's favorite lunchtime meal?

Grilled Chee-heese

What did Michael Jackson call his denim store?

Billie jeans.

What's the name of the clothes shop Michael Jackson visited the most?

Billie JEANS

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So there's this kid named Jackson . . .

Jackson is about to have his first day of kindergarten.

He knows his name. He's like 5 or 6, or whatever age kindergartners are. They all know their names. That's important.

So Jackson goes into his class. His parents drop him off or whatever. Class starts and the teacher starts doing ...

What do Michael Jackson and USA have in common?

They both desperately wanted to be white. And the last great thing they did was a moon walk.

I just took a test to see how good my Jackson Pollock impression is.

I passed with flying colors.

What is Dwight Schrutes favourite Michael Jackson song?

Beet it.

What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?

Well, he had so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into LEGOs... Now kids play with him for a change.

Samuel L. Jackson was sitting at the breakfast table with his wife and 10 month old son...

His toddler starts to make some noises then very clearly says, "mother".

Sam excitedly yells, "Oh my God, honey, he just said half a word!"

Anne Frank, Michael Jackson, and Helen Keller walk into a bar...

Just kidding they're all dead.

Did you hear they were making a McJackson burger for Michael Jackson

It a 50 year old piece of meat in a 12 year old bun

How did michael jackson pick his nose

With a catalog

I heard Michael Jackson actually died of food poisoning.

He ate some 12 year old nuts

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What is Samuel L. Jackson’s favorite type of porn?

Mother fucking.

My local high school was renamed from Stonewall Jackson High School to Unity Reed High School.

_What school do you attend?_

U.R. High

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Indian student in USA(NSFW)

It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said: "Let's begin by reviewing some American History.

Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces except for Ch...

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Richard Pryor: I got famous for saying "motherfucker". Sam Jackson: I also got famous for saying "motherfucker".

Oedipus: You guys are all talk.

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Had to shit

Just over halfway through the flight, all the coffee in my stomach feels like it's percolating its way down into my lower intestine. I hunker down and try and focus on other things. What feels like an hour, but probably isn't more than twenty minutes, passes. We then enter what turns out to be prett...

I used to laugh at Michael Jackson for wearing gloves and a mask.....

Yet here i am, stuck at home in this covid19 Thriller,
Beating it.....

Why did Michael Jackson go to K-Mart (NSFW)

He heard little boys pants were half off

What's the difference between a plastic bag and Micheal Jackson?

One is made of plastic and a danger to children, the other holds your groceries.

Curtis Jackson, aka 50 cent, considering to run for office. His first campaign slogans released.

Change we can believe in! The change we need!

What do Santa Claus and Micheal Jackson have in common?

They both leave kids' rooms with empty sacks

Michael Jackson

Remember laughing at Michael Jackson wearing a mask and gloves?

Now you are all out there looking like you wanna be starting something!

Why did Micheal Jackson call Boys II Men?

He thought it was delivery service.

What did Michael Jackson have in common with a second-place NASCAR driver?

They both came in a little behind.

I got arrested for stealing Michael Jackson CDs

Turns out I’m not such a Smooth Criminal

What's worse then sitting on Micheal Jackson's lap?

Still sitting on it when he stands up

We named our guitar school after Michael Jackson

First lesson: fingering A minor

When is Michael Jackson's bed time?

When the big hand touches the little hand

Some people didn’t remember the plot of the short story The Lottery (By Shirley Jackson)

But when they did, it hit them like a rock.

As you may know, we have approached the 10th anniversary on the death of Michael Jackson...

I think we should pause and think of all those he's touched.

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Why didn't Samuel Jackson get the lead role in the upcoming Oedipus movie?

Because he's a bad motherfucker.

Inspired by another Michael Jackson joke in the thread today . . .

How can you tell when Michael Jackson has company over?

Big Wheels in the driveway.

How are ps4s and Micheal Jackson similar?

They're both plastic and get turned on by little kids.

How do you know it’s bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?

Because the big hand is touching the little hand.

Michael Jackson invited a young boy for a sleepover.

Everytime the boy would begin to drop off to sleep, he'd hear a noise, he'd look up and Michael would slink off out of the room and then behind the door. The boy grabbed the pillow and forced his eye to remain open. As soon as the boy fell asleep Michael came back in the room. In the end he could ta...

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What pronouns does a person who sexualy identifies as Michael Jackson use?

He/heee

Whats the first thing Michael Jackson does when he spawns in on Minecraft?

He punches a trhee-hee

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There are days when I truly think I've gotten over my porn addiction

......then I remember my favourite Michael Jackson song is 'Beat It'

Why did Michael Jackson love twenty six year olds?

Because there were twenty of them.

I don’t think Michael Jackson would make for a good documentary

He’d make a better thriller

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What does a party with R. Kelly and Michael Jackson always have?

Hee hee and Pee pee.

You sick fucks.

What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?

Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon.

Michal Jackson touched kids

Michael Jackson goes to the doctor

Michael Jackson: Help doctor I've been shot.
Doctor: I cant fix that but I can change your skin color so it doesn't happen again.

I met Michael Jackson once when I was 9 years old

It was a touching experience.

I'm having mixed feelings about being a Michael Jackson impersonator.

On one hand, you get to wear a cool white glove.

On the other hand, you don't.

-Mom, is God black or white?

\-Both, mother answers

\-Is he male of female?

\-Both

\-Mom, is Michael Jackson God?

Why did Michael Jackson dangle his baby out the window?

He was airing his blanket.

What did the mother say to Michael Jackson at the beach?

Can you get out of my son?

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People say Michael Jackson only became a paedophile when he was white. [NSFW]

Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.

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How does it look in Michael Jackson's basement?

Stupid question. Every child knows that.

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Just saw the Michael Jackson documentary

I didn’t realize how many kids were butt-hurt after Leaving Neverland

A lot of people think Michael Jackson's Pronouns were He/Him, but in reality,

Michael's preferred prounouns were He/He

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Most YouTube ads are only unskippable for 5 seconds, so they try to cram something surprising + the brand name in the first 5 seconds of the ad.

Hence you get ads that are basically Samuel L. Jackson screaming "Capital One, mothafucka!"

What is Samuel L. Jackson's favorite Greek tragedy?

Oedipus Rex

Why Did Michael Jackson's Guitarist Quit?

Michael asked him to drop the G-string and put the D into A minor.

Why Cant Micheal Jackson Play Cards?

He's Dead

Michael Jackson and his wife didn’t get “his” and “hers” towels.

Nope. Instead, they got “she” and “HEE HEE HEEEE”

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Michael Jackson wrote a song about my sex life

Beat it

Ghetto camping terror.....

The year was 2009. My son, one of his friends, and I were ghetto camping.

That's when you pitch a tent in your backyard. Or in my case the neighbors yard.

Telling some really horrible ghost stories, when out of no where, an animal started rustling around by the garbage cans.

M...

John Denver, Michael Jackson, and Elvis are waiting at the pearly gates.

Michael asks Elvis "how did you die?" Elvis says "overdosed on sleeping medications." Michael says "same here. How about you John?" To which John Denver replies "I was leaving on a jet plane."

I have an extremely rare phobia of Michael Jackson joining the group that sang "Stayin' Alive."

It gives me the Hee-Hee Bee Gees.

Michael Jackson should have opened a clothing line for pants.

He could have called it Billie Jeans.

Those prices are THRILLER!
No one can BEAT IT!

Kids pants would be half off there.

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Young Samuel Jackson (an old one, adapted)

Young Samuel Jackson got a toy train for Christmas one year. His parents set up the track for him, and he happily sat down to play while the parents went about their business.

Sam yelled, "All you motherfuckers gettin on the train, get on the train! All you motherfuckers gettin off the train...

What college did Michael Jackson go to?

Bringham Young University

A man in the supermarket reminded me of Michael Jackson today.

He said, “Don’t forget about Michael Jackson”.

I really dislike people doing Michael Jackson impressions

Whenever I see one, I turn 360 degrees and walk away.

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