This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Sigmund Freud and Samuel L Jackson have in common?

For them, everyone is a motherfucker

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with, the other is used to carry groceries.

I have begun identifying as a Michael Jackson impersonator

My pronouns are now hee/hee

What do Michael Jackson and the Berlin Wall have in common?

They were both really big in the 80s, and then bits started falling off of them.

What do Jesus and Michael Jackson have in common?

They were both born brown - but remembered white

Did Michael Jackson drink coffee?

Or did he prefer Tea-He

Do you know how the residents of Jackson Hole know when will smith comes to visit?

Fresh prints.

What would you hear if you had Michael Jackson and Kanye West in the same room?

YE-YE.

I opened the fridge today and the milk was singing a Michael Jackson song

I think it’s Bad

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How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers ...

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Why does Sam.L.Jackson love fathers day?

'Cause it's all about celebrating those god damn motherfuckers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Samuel L. Jackson say when he met Oedipus?

'What's up, motherfucker?'

Why can’t Michael Jackson play chess?

He can’t decide which color to use

There were three guys named Jackson who were all in the clothing business.

Due to lack of real estate options in their city, they all set up shop next door to each other. In order to convince customers to come to *their* store rather than one of the other Jacksons, they all put up signs to attract customers.

The one on the left puts up a sign that says "Jackson's c...

Why can’t Michael Jackson go within 200m of a school?

Because he’s dead

Michael Jackson and Jeffrey Epstein walk into a bar...

...and walk right out because it's 18+

Why do people like telling Michael Jackson jokes.

Because when they do he goes HeHe.

What do you call Michael Jackson's DNA?

Billie Genes

Florida Man calls 911

Operator: "911, what's your emergency?"

Florida Man: "Hello ma'am, me and my buddy Jackson were out duck hunting, when a big gator came out of the water and attacked us. It bit up my leg real good, then it dragged Jackson under the water, but I scared it off with my shotgun."

O: "Okay,...

What is Michael Jackson’s favourite Indian city?

New Del he-he

I really wanted to share a link to Weird Al's 1984 Michael Jackson parody today but I realized

That I can't have my Cake Day and Eat It, too.

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When your wife opts to describe your sex life to her friends as ‘like Michael Jackson wrote *those lyrics* just for us’, what is your very worst case scenario?

‘Beat it, Speed Demon. Leave me alone.’

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Samuel L. Jackson doesn't call his parents Mom and Dad.

He calls them Mother and Motherfucker.

What's the name of the clothes shop Michael Jackson visited the most?

Billie JEANS

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So there's this kid named Jackson . . .

Jackson is about to have his first day of kindergarten.

He knows his name. He's like 5 or 6, or whatever age kindergartners are. They all know their names. That's important.

So Jackson goes into his class. His parents drop him off or whatever. Class starts and the teacher starts doing ...

What do Michael Jackson and USA have in common?

They both desperately wanted to be white. And the last great thing they did was a moon walk.

In church I heard an old lady saying a prayer

It was so sweet and sincere that I just had to share with you:-
"Dear Lord,
This has been a tough couple of years.
You have taken my favourite actor Patrick Swayze.
My favourite pop singer Michael Jackson.
My favourite Blues artist BB King.
My favourite actress Elizabeth Taylor....

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Who said it

It was the first day of school and a new Indian student named Chandra Subramanian entered the 5th grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History.

Teacher :- Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces except for Chandra,...

What is Michael Jackson's favorite lunchtime meal?

Grilled Chee-heese

What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?

Well, he had so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into LEGOs... Now kids play with him for a change.

Samuel L. Jackson was sitting at the breakfast table with his wife and 10 month old son...

His toddler starts to make some noises then very clearly says, "mother".

Sam excitedly yells, "Oh my God, honey, he just said half a word!"

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A young private is on sentry duty one night in the guardhouse when the telephone rings

"ARE THERE MANY CARS ON THE OFFICER'S CAR PARK?" a voice bellows down the line?

The private looks at the car park and replies "Only that fat bastard General Jackson's car"

"DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU'RE TALKING TO?" the voice shouts. "THIS IS GENERAL JACKSON!"

"And do you know who you'...

I just took a test to see how good my Jackson Pollock impression is.

I passed with flying colors.

Did you hear what they did with Michael Jackson’s body?

Since he was like 90% plastic they melted him into legos and let little boys play with him for once.

What is Dwight Schrutes favourite Michael Jackson song?

Beet it.

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What is Samuel L. Jackson’s favorite type of porn?

Mother fucking.

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Richard Pryor: I got famous for saying "motherfucker". Sam Jackson: I also got famous for saying "motherfucker".

Oedipus: You guys are all talk.

Anne Frank, Michael Jackson, and Helen Keller walk into a bar...

Just kidding they're all dead.

Did you hear they were making a McJackson burger for Michael Jackson

It a 50 year old piece of meat in a 12 year old bun

I really hope this Michael Jackson fan doesn't become a parent

When I asked her how she would punish her child, she said just beat it.

My local high school was renamed from Stonewall Jackson High School to Unity Reed High School.

_What school do you attend?_

U.R. High

I heard Michael Jackson actually died of food poisoning.

He ate some 12 year old nuts

How did michael jackson pick his nose

With a catalog

Who was the most relevant member of the Jackson 5?

Germane.

Why did Michael Jackson go to K-Mart (NSFW)

He heard little boys pants were half off

I used to laugh at Michael Jackson for wearing gloves and a mask.....

Yet here i am, stuck at home in this covid19 Thriller,
Beating it.....

Curtis Jackson, aka 50 cent, considering to run for office. His first campaign slogans released.

Change we can believe in! The change we need!

What do Santa Claus and Micheal Jackson have in common?

They both leave kids' rooms with empty sacks

Michael Jackson

Remember laughing at Michael Jackson wearing a mask and gloves?

Now you are all out there looking like you wanna be starting something!

What did Michael Jackson have in common with a second-place NASCAR driver?

They both came in a little behind.

When is Michael Jackson's bed time?

When the big hand touches the little hand

We named our guitar school after Michael Jackson

First lesson: fingering A minor

Why did Micheal Jackson call Boys II Men?

He thought it was delivery service.

What's worse then sitting on Micheal Jackson's lap?

Still sitting on it when he stands up

As you may know, we have approached the 10th anniversary on the death of Michael Jackson...

I think we should pause and think of all those he's touched.

How are ps4s and Micheal Jackson similar?

They're both plastic and get turned on by little kids.

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Why didn't Samuel Jackson get the lead role in the upcoming Oedipus movie?

Because he's a bad motherfucker.

Some people didn’t remember the plot of the short story The Lottery (By Shirley Jackson)

But when they did, it hit them like a rock.

Michael Jackson invited a young boy for a sleepover.

Everytime the boy would begin to drop off to sleep, he'd hear a noise, he'd look up and Michael would slink off out of the room and then behind the door. The boy grabbed the pillow and forced his eye to remain open. As soon as the boy fell asleep Michael came back in the room. In the end he could ta...

Whats the first thing Michael Jackson does when he spawns in on Minecraft?

He punches a trhee-hee

Inspired by another Michael Jackson joke in the thread today . . .

How can you tell when Michael Jackson has company over?

Big Wheels in the driveway.

How do you know it’s bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?

Because the big hand is touching the little hand.

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People say Michael Jackson only became a paedophile when he was white. [NSFW]

Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.

Why did Michael Jackson love twenty six year olds?

Because there were twenty of them.

What's the difference between COVID 19 and Michael Jackson?

Covid 19 doesn't appear to touch kids.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What pronouns does a person who sexualy identifies as Michael Jackson use?

He/heee

I don’t think Michael Jackson would make for a good documentary

He’d make a better thriller

What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?

Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon.

Michal Jackson touched kids

I met Michael Jackson once when I was 9 years old

It was a touching experience.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How does it look in Michael Jackson's basement?

Stupid question. Every child knows that.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just saw the Michael Jackson documentary

I didn’t realize how many kids were butt-hurt after Leaving Neverland

A lot of people think Michael Jackson's Pronouns were He/Him, but in reality,

Michael's preferred prounouns were He/He

I'm having mixed feelings about being a Michael Jackson impersonator.

On one hand, you get to wear a cool white glove.

On the other hand, you don't.

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What does a party with R. Kelly and Michael Jackson always have?

Hee hee and Pee pee.

You sick fucks.

What did the mother say to Michael Jackson at the beach?

Can you get out of my son?

Why Did Michael Jackson's Guitarist Quit?

Michael asked him to drop the G-string and put the D into A minor.

Michael Jackson goes to the doctor

Michael Jackson: Help doctor I've been shot.
Doctor: I cant fix that but I can change your skin color so it doesn't happen again.

Why did Michael Jackson dangle his baby out the window?

He was airing his blanket.

Michael Jackson should have opened a clothing line for pants.

He could have called it Billie Jeans.

Those prices are THRILLER!
No one can BEAT IT!

Kids pants would be half off there.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Michael Jackson wrote a song about my sex life

Beat it

What is Samuel L. Jackson's favorite Greek tragedy?

Oedipus Rex

Why Cant Micheal Jackson Play Cards?

He's Dead

What does Jeffrey Epstein and Michael Jackson have in common?

They both make the kids go “oh no”

Michael Jackson and his wife didn’t get “his” and “hers” towels.

Nope. Instead, they got “she” and “HEE HEE HEEEE”

I really dislike people doing Michael Jackson impressions

Whenever I see one, I turn 360 degrees and walk away.

Michael Jackson is a lot like caviar.

They both come on little crackers.

Victoria’s Secret is having a Janet Jackson themed sale for the Holidays

All bras are half off

A man in the supermarket reminded me of Michael Jackson today.

He said, “Don’t forget about Michael Jackson”.

I have an extremely rare phobia of Michael Jackson joining the group that sang "Stayin' Alive."

It gives me the Hee-Hee Bee Gees.

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Young Samuel Jackson (an old one, adapted)

Young Samuel Jackson got a toy train for Christmas one year. His parents set up the track for him, and he happily sat down to play while the parents went about their business.

Sam yelled, "All you motherfuckers gettin on the train, get on the train! All you motherfuckers gettin off the train...

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