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Jackson Jokes

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What does Sigmund Freud and Samuel L Jackson have in common?

For them, everyone is a motherfucker

Why is Michael Jackson bad at bowling?

Because He's dead.

What did Lisa Marie say to Michael Jackson when she wasn't in the mood?

Just beat it.

What do Michael Jackson and a fighter pilot shooting down a balloon have in common?

Both are King of Pop.

Micheal Jackson and Sean Connery go to a restaurant

"Can I take your order?" The waiter asks. "Shamone!" Says Micheal. "Same again, I love fish" says Sean

Why cant Michael Jackson go within 500m of a school zone...

Because he's dead

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Richard Pyror?

One was burnt by Pepsi and one was burnt by coke.

Q: What would Michael Jackson be doing if he were alive today in 2022?

A: Knocking on the lid of his coffin.

Hee hee!

Little known fact: as a joke, Peter Jackson made some of the Ents drink tea and chat in the background during the big fight scene at Isengard in the Two Towers

In other words, the real joke is in the calm Ents.

Eco-activists, as a protest, splashed paint on a famous Jackson Pollock painting

No-one noticed.

A friend told me that there is a place the celebrities go after they fake their deaths. Michael Jackson is there. Elvis. Tupac.

I thanked him for telling me about this

He replied "No Biggie."

What did Michael Jackson tell his girlfriend when he broke up with her

It’s not you it’s Mee-Hee

There lived a family of the Jacksons...(long)

The parents ran a nail store, and their son was a marketologist. Once the father said: "We're going on vacation, look after the store while we're gone". Son says: "Dad, I'm a marketologist, how can I sell your nails? I know nothing about them!" Dad replies: "I know you can handle it. Maybe make an a...

What drug does Micheal Jackson take?

EcstaHEE

How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?

From a catalog

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What’s Your Name, Sailor?

The crusty Navy Master Chief noticed a new face and barked at him,

\-“Get over here! What’s your name, sailor?”

\- “John,” the new seaman replied.

\- “Look, I don’t know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy crap they’re teaching sailors in boot camp these days, but I don’t call a...

Have you heard of the Michael Jackson diet?

You just have to start with the man in the mirror, and ask him to change his weighs.

Samuel L. Jackson is going to be playing St. Patrick in a new movie.

His first job will be to get some Snakes off a plain.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

What do Michael Jackson and the Berlin Wall have in common?

They were both really big in the 80s, and then bits started falling off of them.

I really wanted to share a link to Weird Al's 1984 Michael Jackson parody today but I realized

That I can't have my Cake Day and Eat It, too.

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Samuel L. Jackson doesn't call his parents Mom and Dad.

He calls them Mother and Motherfucker.

How did Samuel L Jackson die in star wars?

He fell out of the Windu

What do Jesus and Michael Jackson have in common?

They were both born brown - but remembered white

Michael Jackson, what element comes after Oxygen?

He He!

I opened the fridge today and the milk was singing a Michael Jackson song

I think it’s Bad

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What did Samuel L. Jackson say when he met Oedipus?

'What's up, motherfucker?'

What would you hear if you had Michael Jackson and Kanye West in the same room?

YE-YE.

Why can’t Michael Jackson play chess?

He can’t decide which color to use

What is Michael Jackson’s favourite Indian city?

New Del he-he

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Why does Sam.L.Jackson love fathers day?

'Cause it's all about celebrating those god damn motherfuckers.

Did Michael Jackson drink coffee?

Or did he prefer Tea-He

What do Michael Jackson and USA have in common?

They both desperately wanted to be white. And the last great thing they did was a moon walk.

Why do people like telling Michael Jackson jokes.

Because when they do he goes HeHe.

Do you know how the residents of Jackson Hole know when will smith comes to visit?

Fresh prints.

Samuel L. Jackson was sitting at the breakfast table with his wife and 10 month old son...

His toddler starts to make some noises then very clearly says, "mother".

Sam excitedly yells, "Oh my God, honey, he just said half a word!"

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Richard Pryor: I got famous for saying "motherfucker". Sam Jackson: I also got famous for saying "motherfucker".

Oedipus: You guys are all talk.

A warehouse manager was sent to HR for disciplinary action, but he swore he was innocent

"I ain't done nothing! They after me for 'cultural insensitivity,' and I haven't done nothing!"

The HR lady frowned. "Multiple witnesses overheard your insensitive words, but please explain your side of the story."

"In the warehouse forklift drivers are assigned to use the outward lane...

What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?

Well, he had so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into LEGOs... Now kids play with him for a change.

What did Michael Jackson say when he found two molecules of helium?

HeHe

What is Michael Jackson's favorite lunchtime meal?

Grilled Chee-heese

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So there's this kid named Jackson . . .

Jackson is about to have his first day of kindergarten.

He knows his name. He's like 5 or 6, or whatever age kindergartners are. They all know their names. That's important.

So Jackson goes into his class. His parents drop him off or whatever. Class starts and the teacher starts doing ...

I heard Michael Jackson actually died of food poisoning.

He ate some 12 year old nuts

What's the name of the clothes shop Michael Jackson visited the most?

Billie JEANS

Birthing Person

If the word 'mother' is replaced by the term 'birthing person', Samuel L. Jackson might as well retire

Michael Jackson and Jeffrey Epstein walk into a bar...

...and walk right out because it's 18+

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How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many redittors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers ...

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What is Samuel L. Jackson’s favorite type of porn?

Mother fucking.

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When your wife opts to describe your sex life to her friends as ‘like Michael Jackson wrote *those lyrics* just for us’, what is your very worst case scenario?

‘Beat it, Speed Demon. Leave me alone.’

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Why foreign students are not welcomed in America.

It was the first day of school in the USA and a new Indian student named Chandra Subramanian entered the 4th grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History.

Teacher :- Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces except f...

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People say Michael Jackson only became a paedophile when he was white. [NSFW]

Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.

What do you call $100 when it's paid out in 20 dollar bills?

The Jackson 5

Anne Frank, Michael Jackson, and Helen Keller walk into a bar...

Just kidding they're all dead.

Did you hear they were making a McJackson burger for Michael Jackson

It a 50 year old piece of meat in a 12 year old bun

What's the difference between a plastic bag and Micheal Jackson?

One is made of plastic and a danger to children, the other holds your groceries.

What is Dwight Schrutes favourite Michael Jackson song?

Beet it.

Why did Michael Jackson go to K-Mart (NSFW)

He heard little boys pants were half off

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What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?

Neil Armstrong *walked on the moon* but Michael Jackson was a *pedophile.*

What did Michael Jackson have in common with a second-place NASCAR driver?

They both came in a little behind.

Did you hear that Peter Jackson and John Hughes planned to make a movie together?

“The Second Breakfast Club”.

When is Michael Jackson's bed time?

When the big hand touches the little hand

I just took a test to see how good my Jackson Pollock impression is.

I passed with flying colors.

Who was the most relevant member of the Jackson 5?

Germane.

Michael Jackson should have opened a clothing line for pants.

He could have called it Billie Jeans.

Those prices are THRILLER!
No one can BEAT IT!

Kids pants would be half off there.

How are ps4s and Micheal Jackson similar?

They're both plastic and get turned on by little kids.

As you may know, we have approached the 10th anniversary on the death of Michael Jackson...

I think we should pause and think of all those he's touched.

A Jewish joke updated for modern times

Pastor Jackson and his secretary were sitting in a coffeehouse in Washington DC in 2022. "Pastor Jackson," said his secretary, "I notice you're reading Fox News! I can't understand why. A Black libel website! Are you some kind of masochist, or, God forbid, a self-hating Black person?"

"On the...

I used to laugh at Michael Jackson for wearing gloves and a mask.....

Yet here i am, stuck at home in this covid19 Thriller,
Beating it.....

We named our guitar school after Michael Jackson

First lesson: fingering A minor

How did Michael Jackson get corona?

He was only wearing one glove.

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Why didn't Samuel Jackson get the lead role in the upcoming Oedipus movie?

Because he's a bad motherfucker.

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Little Boy Blue

Little Boy Blue who?

Michael Jackson

Michael Jackson invited a young boy for a sleepover.

Everytime the boy would begin to drop off to sleep, he'd hear a noise, he'd look up and Michael would slink off out of the room and then behind the door. The boy grabbed the pillow and forced his eye to remain open. As soon as the boy fell asleep Michael came back in the room. In the end he could ta...

What do Santa Claus and Micheal Jackson have in common?

They both leave kids' rooms with empty sacks

What's the difference between Harambe and Michael Jackson?

Harambe got punished for touching little kids.

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Just saw the Michael Jackson documentary

I didn’t realize how many kids were butt-hurt after Leaving Neverland

Why did Michael Jackson like twenty nine year olds?

There's 20 of them

Some people didn’t remember the plot of the short story The Lottery (By Shirley Jackson)

But when they did, it hit them like a rock.

My local high school was renamed from Stonewall Jackson High School to Unity Reed High School.

_What school do you attend?_

U.R. High

I really dislike people doing Michael Jackson impressions

Whenever I see one, I turn 360 degrees and walk away.

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Michael Jackson wrote a song about my sex life

Beat it

What's worse then sitting on Micheal Jackson's lap?

Still sitting on it when he stands up

Michael Jackson

Remember laughing at Michael Jackson wearing a mask and gloves?

Now you are all out there looking like you wanna be starting something!

Why Did Michael Jackson's Guitarist Quit?

Michael asked him to drop the G-string and put the D into A minor.

What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?

Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon.

Michal Jackson touched kids

Curtis Jackson, aka 50 cent, considering to run for office. His first campaign slogans released.

Change we can believe in! The change we need!

A lot of people think Michael Jackson's Pronouns were He/Him, but in reality,

Michael's preferred prounouns were He/He

Whats the first thing Michael Jackson does when he spawns in on Minecraft?

He punches a trhee-hee

I don’t think Michael Jackson would make for a good documentary

He’d make a better thriller

Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-five year olds'?

Because there are 20 of them.





I guess you can adjust the tense since, well you know, he's dead and all.

A man in the supermarket reminded me of Michael Jackson today.

He said, “Don’t forget about Michael Jackson”.

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